쉐도잉 연습: Lesbian flirting 101 (you're getting it wrong) - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기

I say this with love, lesbians suck at flirting.

⏸ 일시 정지

재생 속도:

278 문장

문장이 너무 짧거나 길면 Edit를 눌러 조정하세요.

I say this with love, lesbians suck at flirting.

And it's not because we aren't naturally vivacious,

sexy little divas with loads of spunk.

Does anyone say that anymore?

Spunk?

I don't know what the Gen Z's are calling it these days.

Okay, it's Riz.

We have Riz, lesbians!

But, and again, I say this with love,

most of you aren't using it which is why your monstera collection is currently getting more action than your love life.

So in this video, I'm going to show you how to unlock your gay girl riz

and stop getting stuck in the friend zone

so you can start confidently flirting with other sapphics without coming off creepy or spiraling into gay panic.

Plus, I'm going to reveal the simple way that you can tell

if a woman's flirting with you so you can ditch the overthinking for good.

And I think this one's going to surprise you.

This stuff, by the way,

it took me years to figure out.

But I'm going to teach it to you in the next ten minutes.

This might just be the most valuable next ten minutes of your life.

It's not your fault that yourself can bust every time you so much as think about talking to a woman, babe.

It's your conditioning.

See, from the time that we are little girls,

we're given the message that being forward is creepy and weird and definitely not very ladylike.

So we learn that taking any initiative is for men

and any attempt to do so ourselves will likely result in condemnation and humiliation.

This is the worst.

This is the goal of heteronormative patriarchal culture.

It requires women to stay small,

quiet, and sexually repressed because when we're busy second guessing ourselves convinced

that we're we're going to embarrass ourselves

if we dare try to take any initiative in our own lives then it's much easier to control us

and sell us a bunch of shit that we actually really don't need

and as someone who's worked to educate

and empower women in their sexuality for the past decade I

see this all the time even in the comments on my

last video on this topic I can see you guys writing I could never do

that it's so creepy or she's telling us to be like men but seriously think about this for a moment.

In your entire life, how many times has a woman complimented you or been flirty with you and you've thought,

oh, that was so creepy and predatory and gross.

I need to get away from her immediately.

Yeah, probably zero.

When most of us receive positive attention from another woman,

it usually makes our day.

I've literally been in public bathrooms fixing my lipstick and had random women come up to me and say,

oh my God, you're stunning.

I love your makeup up women do this all the time

women who are total strangers will call each other hot gorgeous stunning

and girl the body is T I feel like I need to spell this out in all caps

because some of you don't seem to realize

that there is an enormous difference between being flirty

when it's a woman doing it compared to a man doing it women don't carry the same threat

that men do we don't typically walk through bars hoping not to be groped by some creepy woman fearful

that she's turn aggressive if we turn down her advances.

Men have conditioned us to associate attention with pressure, obligation, and even danger.

And to be fair, we're right to be wary of sexual forwardness when it comes from men.

It's quite literally a survival instinct.

But the reality is that's just not how women experience each other.

If you compliment a woman or even go as far

as asking for her number and it turns out that she's straight or just not into you,

she's still likely to tell you she's flattered but not available and then simply walk away.

Likely with an extra pep in her step with the knowledge that another woman thought that she was a total babe.

You have got to stop looking at your interactions with women through a heteronormative lens

because the second that this finally clicked for me and I realized it wasn't creepy or weird.

Just to be forward with women was the very moment

that I started living my best gay girl life and actually having real human dates with women,

not just intense eye contact across the bar,

followed by going home and analyzing it for six to eight business days.

And honestly, this is why a lot of you all are feeling stuck,

because in trying so hard to avoid being creepy by removing any shred of sexual tension from your interactions,

you're just gliding straight on into the friend zone.

Tension is what creates chemistry.

Without it, you're not flirting.

You're just being friendly.

And that's ultimately how she's likely to see it.

So let's talk about how to create tension in a way that feels playful and natural instead of weird and forced.

Because contrary to what some of you all are thinking,

flirting isn't about walking up to a woman and acting like some sleazy used car salesman.

Go ahead and drool all you want.

You can't hurt that finish now.

Rainwater, that'll strip it right off.

Oh, I shouldn't have said that.

This is where a lot of you are fumbling the bag.

Saying things to a woman like,

oh my God, I love your outfit.

Where did you get that top?

What foundation do you use?

This might feel like flirting,

but straight women do this too.

So it does absolutely nothing to separate I'm being friendly from I'm attracted to you,

which is why so many of us have found ourselves trapped in that weird,

confusing limbo where you genuinely have no idea if she's picking up on what you're putting down.

Flirting is about the little bit extra that you put on top of typical friendliness.

So instead of giving her a friendly compliment,

like you have a great smile,

You might say your smile is like distractingly gorgeous.

Do you feel the difference?

It's that little bit of tension,

the thing that makes the compliment slightly loaded.

100

And that, that is the sweet spot.

101

Now, before anyone says, oh,

102

I would never do that to a woman.

103

I'm just way too shy.

104

I wanna remind you that you absolutely don't have to do any of this.

105

But if you would one day like to feel the actual human touch of a woman,

106

maybe even get a girlfriend,

107

you are going to have to talk to women.

108

Shocking, I know.

109

But until you can door dash yourself a whole ass girlfriend without ever having to leave your couch,

110

you are going to need to get out of your comfort zone and start interacting with women.

111

And look, I get that it's nerve wracking and intimidating

112

when she's like mesmerizingly hot and you don't even know if she's actually gay or single.

113

But dating is a numbers game.

114

The more times that you put your hand in the ring,

115

the closer you are going to get to making a real connection.

116

And if the stress of constantly having to decipher whether a woman's gay,

117

whether she's single or even emotionally available fills you with so much exhaustion that you're seriously considering a life of chastity,

118

I'll get it girl.

119

Okay, I've been there.

120

Queer dating is like hetero dating in hard mode.

121

Unlike straight women who can simply walk down the street and instantly meet straight men,

122

lesbians are a lot harder to come across,

123

let alone single ones who aren't still hung up on their ex.

124

It can take weeks or months to get a single date when you're a gay girlie.

125

Meanwhile, your straight friends have an entire rotation going.

126

So when you finally meet someone and discover that there aren't any sparks there,

127

it can feel extra devastating because we can't simply just line up another date with a new candidate the next night.

128

And let's be so for real,

129

dating apps are a shit show for queer women between the scammers,

130

bots and girls who match and then ghost Why do they do that?

131

It can feel impossible to actually meet someone genuine,

132

which is exactly why I created my upcoming retreat, Lesbian Love Lab.

133

It's a weekend long workshop and dating experience happening in Toronto from July 25 to 26 this summer.

134

Every woman there is going to be single,

135

queer and down to flirt.

136

So instead of trying to decode,

137

wait, is she even gay?

138

Is she flirting or being nice?

139

Is she single?

140

You can actually just relax and connect.

141

Over two days, I'm going to teach you everything

142

that you need to know to make this the year that you actually get a hot,

143

gay, emotionally available girlfriend.

144

And you're not just going to meet one or two women.

145

You are going to meet dozens of potential girlfriends through structured speed dating sessions,

146

plus a flirty cocktail party hosted by me and my team.

147

This event is limited to just 50 women.

148

So it's by application only.

149

Applications have just opened and they've already started pouring in.

150

And let me tell you,

151

you guys are a bunch of babes.

152

like the caliber of women applying to be part of this

153

is going to make it extremely difficult to narrow it down to just 50 of you.

154

So if you want to make sure that you have a chance to get in on this event,

155

which by the way, is the first ever of its kind like this,

156

and you want to meet me in Toronto and 50 hot single amazing lesbians,

157

then tap the link below this video to go and apply now.

158

And I hope to see you there.

159

This one is elite because it creates tension in a really low pressure way.

160

And it's subtle enough that you can easily write it off as playfulness.

161

Now, it might seem almost too simple,

162

but injecting the word hot into your conversation and tying it to something

163

that she does instantly creates tension by just dancing outside the lines of friendly vibes.

164

So let's say that you're talking to a woman at a bar and she orders some super niche off the menu drink.

165

You could smile and say something like, nice order.

166

I think it's so hot when someone knows their cocktails well.

167

Now, technically, you're not saying,

168

I think you're hot, but you're also not, not saying it.

169

And that tiny bit of ambiguity,

170

that is where flirting lives.

171

One of the fastest ways to build chemistry with a woman is to create an in-joke.

172

An in-joke is just something that's funny that's between the two of you.

173

It makes you both smirk,

174

but no one else necessarily will get it because it's based off a personal moment that you had together.

175

And this is what makes it so powerful.

176

You also don't have to turn into a stand-up comic in order to do this.

177

And you don't even need to know a woman well to pull it off.

178

It may just be that a woman you often find yourself in line with at Starbucks is a bit of a babe.

179

And you're trying to find a way to break the ice without being awkward.

180

Perhaps you've noticed that you both order iced oat milk lattes and the store is constantly running out of oat milk.

181

So you could say something to her like,

182

am I the only one who thinks this barista has a personal vendetta against oat milk?

183

This one small sentence does a few things.

184

First off, it instantly shows off your personality and the fact

185

that you can be playful and it creates a sense of familiarity and shared experience that bonds the two of you.

186

Now, in-jokes obviously work best when the other person plays along,

187

but if she just laughs and doesn't say anything,

188

you also haven't lost anything.

189

However, if she jokes back something like,

190

oh my God, yeah, what is it with the low oat milk supply around here?

191

Then you can use her response to keep the in-joke going.

192

So next time you find yourself in line with her again at Starbucks,

193

you can say, what do you reckon our chances are of actually getting some oat milk today?

194

I think I'm going to have to start smuggling some in.

195

Each time that you continue to joke thread and she plays into it,

196

you're strengthening the bond that's blossoming between the two of you.

197

And before long, that joke will naturally turn into,

198

should we just like try another coffee shop together next week

199

where we can actually get oat milk for our oat milk lattes?

200

In jokes also work best when you don't take it all too seriously.

201

Just be silly.

202

Don't be afraid to look like a bit of a goof and make your lame dad joke.

203

Don't overthink it.

204

The worst that can happen is that she has a giggle and goes back to waiting in line for her coffee.

205

But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

206

One of the most underrated ways to gay girl flirt is to drop queer coded language into the conversation.

207

Not in a formal, hello,

208

I am a homosexual kind of way.

209

Just naturally.

210

Like when you're chatting to that hottie at the gym,

211

you can say, I feel like I'm the only gay in the village around here.

212

Or I swear being gay is like 99% of my personality at this point.

213

The reason this works is

214

because it subtly signals I am not interacting with you as a straight woman in case you were under that impression.

215

And it gives her the opportunity to meet you there, too.

216

So if she's also queer and especially if she's into you,

217

she'll very likely join in with you and say, oh, same.

218

I make everything gay.

219

Now there's subtext in the interaction and subtext is where flirting thrives.

220

OK, so this is all well and good.

221

But how can you tell when she's flirting back?

222

Well, it all comes down to context.

223

While men will literally think that a woman wants to marry them because she made eye contact with them,

224

queer women are notorious for ignoring even the most obvious signals that a woman is actually flirting with them.

225

A woman could look most of you all dead in the eyes and say,

226

I want to make out with you.

227

And you would still be texting your friends like,

228

guys, I genuinely can't tell if she's like just being nice or is she into me?

229

As a default setting we tend to massively under-assume attraction as queer women

230

and yes I've been guilty of blindly ignoring the signs too.

231

I once went on a literal date with a woman who touched my leg all night

232

and laughed at every single one of my lame ass jokes and then I asked her are you into me?

233

To which she responded isn't it obvious?

234

To which I replied I don't know.

235

Had I known about contextual clues,

236

I might have gotten the hint a little sooner.

237

Context clues are essentially things that help you to tell the difference between friendliness

238

and someone going out of their way to connect with you.

239

So, for example, a close friend might briefly touch you during conversation.

240

So you could just assume that all touching is just women being friendly.

241

And this is why context matters so much,

242

because in the context of a close friendship, it's absolutely normal to briefly touch during interactions.

243

But in the context of an interaction with a woman that you are not close with,

244

it's not standard behavior.

245

And sure, there are certain people who may naturally be more touchy with strangers.

246

But again, context is everything here.

247

Because if the touch is not only repeated,

248

but in places we don't normally touch people we barely know,

249

such as on the knee or the leg,

250

then it's moved beyond friendliness into flirtation.

251

Let's apply this to another scenario.

252

Imagine that there is a woman working at the front desk of your gym.

253

Every time you walk in,

254

she smiles, says hi, and asks you how your workouts going.

255

Now, in the context of her employment at the gym,

256

that's just really standard professional behavior.

257

But if she notices when you haven't been to the gym and comments on it,

258

remembers highly specific details about you

259

and regularly keeps chatting to you long after she scanned your membership card while there's literally a queue forming behind you.

260

Now we are entering different territory because she's no longer just doing what the social situation requires.

261

She's adding extra.

262

Extra warmth, attention and curiosity aren't required in regular social protocols,

263

which is why attraction tends to live in the extra.

264

A barista remembering your coffee order is a barista who's good at her job,

265

but a barista who notices when you changed your hair,

266

comes over to talk to you at your table whenever you come in

267

and stays chatting for well beyond a minute while she's on shift.

268

Yeah, she isn't just doing her job.

269

It's someone doing that little bit extra to connect with you that's the key to differentiating flirtiness from friendliness.

270

OK, so now you know how to get out of the friend zone and tell if she's flirting back.

271

How do you turn that into something beyond just like showing up at Starbucks every week and having the same flirty conversation?

272

If you tend to get stuck here and struggle to get to the dating stage and especially the girlfriend stage,

273

then my next video is for you.

274

In it,

275

I walk you through exactly what you need to do to

276

get a girlfriend as a queer woman from the very first date to the relationship talk.

277

So tap it to go and watch it and find out what to do next.

278

And I'll see you over there.

TRENDING

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

☕ 커피 한 잔 사주기

ShadowingEnglish는 여러분의 지원 덕분에 100% 무료로 운영됩니다. 서버 및 AI 유지 비용이 많이 듭니다. 여러분의 커피 한 잔이 큰 힘이 됩니다! ��

PayPal로 기부하기

ShadowingEnglish.com – 영어 쉐도잉 연습

쉐도잉(Shadowing)으로 원어민처럼 영어를 말하세요. YouTube 영상을 한 문장씩 듣고 따라 말하며, 진짜 발음과 유창성을 키우세요. IELTS 학습자들이 선택한 방법.

쉐도잉 연습: Lesbian flirting 101 (you're getting it wrong) - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기

인기 동영상

이 수업에 대하여

주요 어휘 및 구문

연습 팁

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉 연습: Lesbian flirting 101 (you're getting it wrong) - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기

앱 다운로드

이 수업에 대하여

주요 어휘 및 구문

연습 팁

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법