Shadowing Practice: Lesbian flirting 101 (you're getting it wrong) - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

I say this with love, lesbians suck at flirting.

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I say this with love, lesbians suck at flirting.

And it's not because we aren't naturally vivacious,

sexy little divas with loads of spunk.

Does anyone say that anymore?

Spunk?

I don't know what the Gen Z's are calling it these days.

Okay, it's Riz.

We have Riz, lesbians!

But, and again, I say this with love,

most of you aren't using it which is why your monstera collection is currently getting more action than your love life.

So in this video, I'm going to show you how to unlock your gay girl riz

and stop getting stuck in the friend zone

so you can start confidently flirting with other sapphics without coming off creepy or spiraling into gay panic.

Plus, I'm going to reveal the simple way that you can tell

if a woman's flirting with you so you can ditch the overthinking for good.

And I think this one's going to surprise you.

This stuff, by the way,

it took me years to figure out.

But I'm going to teach it to you in the next ten minutes.

This might just be the most valuable next ten minutes of your life.

It's not your fault that yourself can bust every time you so much as think about talking to a woman, babe.

It's your conditioning.

See, from the time that we are little girls,

we're given the message that being forward is creepy and weird and definitely not very ladylike.

So we learn that taking any initiative is for men

and any attempt to do so ourselves will likely result in condemnation and humiliation.

This is the worst.

This is the goal of heteronormative patriarchal culture.

It requires women to stay small,

quiet, and sexually repressed because when we're busy second guessing ourselves convinced

that we're we're going to embarrass ourselves

if we dare try to take any initiative in our own lives then it's much easier to control us

and sell us a bunch of shit that we actually really don't need

and as someone who's worked to educate

and empower women in their sexuality for the past decade I

see this all the time even in the comments on my

last video on this topic I can see you guys writing I could never do

that it's so creepy or she's telling us to be like men but seriously think about this for a moment.

In your entire life, how many times has a woman complimented you or been flirty with you and you've thought,

oh, that was so creepy and predatory and gross.

I need to get away from her immediately.

Yeah, probably zero.

When most of us receive positive attention from another woman,

it usually makes our day.

I've literally been in public bathrooms fixing my lipstick and had random women come up to me and say,

oh my God, you're stunning.

I love your makeup up women do this all the time

women who are total strangers will call each other hot gorgeous stunning

and girl the body is T I feel like I need to spell this out in all caps

because some of you don't seem to realize

that there is an enormous difference between being flirty

when it's a woman doing it compared to a man doing it women don't carry the same threat

that men do we don't typically walk through bars hoping not to be groped by some creepy woman fearful

that she's turn aggressive if we turn down her advances.

Men have conditioned us to associate attention with pressure, obligation, and even danger.

And to be fair, we're right to be wary of sexual forwardness when it comes from men.

It's quite literally a survival instinct.

But the reality is that's just not how women experience each other.

If you compliment a woman or even go as far

as asking for her number and it turns out that she's straight or just not into you,

she's still likely to tell you she's flattered but not available and then simply walk away.

Likely with an extra pep in her step with the knowledge that another woman thought that she was a total babe.

You have got to stop looking at your interactions with women through a heteronormative lens

because the second that this finally clicked for me and I realized it wasn't creepy or weird.

Just to be forward with women was the very moment

that I started living my best gay girl life and actually having real human dates with women,

not just intense eye contact across the bar,

followed by going home and analyzing it for six to eight business days.

And honestly, this is why a lot of you all are feeling stuck,

because in trying so hard to avoid being creepy by removing any shred of sexual tension from your interactions,

you're just gliding straight on into the friend zone.

Tension is what creates chemistry.

Without it, you're not flirting.

You're just being friendly.

And that's ultimately how she's likely to see it.

So let's talk about how to create tension in a way that feels playful and natural instead of weird and forced.

Because contrary to what some of you all are thinking,

flirting isn't about walking up to a woman and acting like some sleazy used car salesman.

Go ahead and drool all you want.

You can't hurt that finish now.

Rainwater, that'll strip it right off.

Oh, I shouldn't have said that.

This is where a lot of you are fumbling the bag.

Saying things to a woman like,

oh my God, I love your outfit.

Where did you get that top?

What foundation do you use?

This might feel like flirting,

but straight women do this too.

So it does absolutely nothing to separate I'm being friendly from I'm attracted to you,

which is why so many of us have found ourselves trapped in that weird,

confusing limbo where you genuinely have no idea if she's picking up on what you're putting down.

Flirting is about the little bit extra that you put on top of typical friendliness.

So instead of giving her a friendly compliment,

like you have a great smile,

You might say your smile is like distractingly gorgeous.

Do you feel the difference?

It's that little bit of tension,

the thing that makes the compliment slightly loaded.

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And that, that is the sweet spot.

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Now, before anyone says, oh,

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I would never do that to a woman.

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I'm just way too shy.

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I wanna remind you that you absolutely don't have to do any of this.

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But if you would one day like to feel the actual human touch of a woman,

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maybe even get a girlfriend,

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you are going to have to talk to women.

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Shocking, I know.

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But until you can door dash yourself a whole ass girlfriend without ever having to leave your couch,

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you are going to need to get out of your comfort zone and start interacting with women.

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And look, I get that it's nerve wracking and intimidating

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when she's like mesmerizingly hot and you don't even know if she's actually gay or single.

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But dating is a numbers game.

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The more times that you put your hand in the ring,

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the closer you are going to get to making a real connection.

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And if the stress of constantly having to decipher whether a woman's gay,

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whether she's single or even emotionally available fills you with so much exhaustion that you're seriously considering a life of chastity,

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I'll get it girl.

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Okay, I've been there.

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Queer dating is like hetero dating in hard mode.

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Unlike straight women who can simply walk down the street and instantly meet straight men,

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lesbians are a lot harder to come across,

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let alone single ones who aren't still hung up on their ex.

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It can take weeks or months to get a single date when you're a gay girlie.

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Meanwhile, your straight friends have an entire rotation going.

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So when you finally meet someone and discover that there aren't any sparks there,

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it can feel extra devastating because we can't simply just line up another date with a new candidate the next night.

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And let's be so for real,

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dating apps are a shit show for queer women between the scammers,

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bots and girls who match and then ghost Why do they do that?

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It can feel impossible to actually meet someone genuine,

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which is exactly why I created my upcoming retreat, Lesbian Love Lab.

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It's a weekend long workshop and dating experience happening in Toronto from July 25 to 26 this summer.

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Every woman there is going to be single,

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queer and down to flirt.

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So instead of trying to decode,

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wait, is she even gay?

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Is she flirting or being nice?

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Is she single?

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You can actually just relax and connect.

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Over two days, I'm going to teach you everything

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that you need to know to make this the year that you actually get a hot,

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gay, emotionally available girlfriend.

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And you're not just going to meet one or two women.

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You are going to meet dozens of potential girlfriends through structured speed dating sessions,

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plus a flirty cocktail party hosted by me and my team.

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This event is limited to just 50 women.

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So it's by application only.

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Applications have just opened and they've already started pouring in.

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And let me tell you,

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you guys are a bunch of babes.

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like the caliber of women applying to be part of this

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is going to make it extremely difficult to narrow it down to just 50 of you.

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So if you want to make sure that you have a chance to get in on this event,

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which by the way, is the first ever of its kind like this,

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and you want to meet me in Toronto and 50 hot single amazing lesbians,

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then tap the link below this video to go and apply now.

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And I hope to see you there.

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This one is elite because it creates tension in a really low pressure way.

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And it's subtle enough that you can easily write it off as playfulness.

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Now, it might seem almost too simple,

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but injecting the word hot into your conversation and tying it to something

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that she does instantly creates tension by just dancing outside the lines of friendly vibes.

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So let's say that you're talking to a woman at a bar and she orders some super niche off the menu drink.

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You could smile and say something like, nice order.

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I think it's so hot when someone knows their cocktails well.

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Now, technically, you're not saying,

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I think you're hot, but you're also not, not saying it.

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And that tiny bit of ambiguity,

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that is where flirting lives.

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One of the fastest ways to build chemistry with a woman is to create an in-joke.

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An in-joke is just something that's funny that's between the two of you.

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It makes you both smirk,

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but no one else necessarily will get it because it's based off a personal moment that you had together.

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And this is what makes it so powerful.

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You also don't have to turn into a stand-up comic in order to do this.

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And you don't even need to know a woman well to pull it off.

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It may just be that a woman you often find yourself in line with at Starbucks is a bit of a babe.

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And you're trying to find a way to break the ice without being awkward.

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Perhaps you've noticed that you both order iced oat milk lattes and the store is constantly running out of oat milk.

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So you could say something to her like,

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am I the only one who thinks this barista has a personal vendetta against oat milk?

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This one small sentence does a few things.

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First off, it instantly shows off your personality and the fact

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that you can be playful and it creates a sense of familiarity and shared experience that bonds the two of you.

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Now, in-jokes obviously work best when the other person plays along,

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but if she just laughs and doesn't say anything,

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you also haven't lost anything.

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However, if she jokes back something like,

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oh my God, yeah, what is it with the low oat milk supply around here?

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Then you can use her response to keep the in-joke going.

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So next time you find yourself in line with her again at Starbucks,

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you can say, what do you reckon our chances are of actually getting some oat milk today?

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I think I'm going to have to start smuggling some in.

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Each time that you continue to joke thread and she plays into it,

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you're strengthening the bond that's blossoming between the two of you.

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And before long, that joke will naturally turn into,

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should we just like try another coffee shop together next week

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where we can actually get oat milk for our oat milk lattes?

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In jokes also work best when you don't take it all too seriously.

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Just be silly.

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Don't be afraid to look like a bit of a goof and make your lame dad joke.

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Don't overthink it.

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The worst that can happen is that she has a giggle and goes back to waiting in line for her coffee.

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But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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One of the most underrated ways to gay girl flirt is to drop queer coded language into the conversation.

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Not in a formal, hello,

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I am a homosexual kind of way.

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Just naturally.

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Like when you're chatting to that hottie at the gym,

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you can say, I feel like I'm the only gay in the village around here.

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Or I swear being gay is like 99% of my personality at this point.

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The reason this works is

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because it subtly signals I am not interacting with you as a straight woman in case you were under that impression.

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And it gives her the opportunity to meet you there, too.

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So if she's also queer and especially if she's into you,

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she'll very likely join in with you and say, oh, same.

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I make everything gay.

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Now there's subtext in the interaction and subtext is where flirting thrives.

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OK, so this is all well and good.

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But how can you tell when she's flirting back?

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Well, it all comes down to context.

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While men will literally think that a woman wants to marry them because she made eye contact with them,

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queer women are notorious for ignoring even the most obvious signals that a woman is actually flirting with them.

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A woman could look most of you all dead in the eyes and say,

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I want to make out with you.

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And you would still be texting your friends like,

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guys, I genuinely can't tell if she's like just being nice or is she into me?

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As a default setting we tend to massively under-assume attraction as queer women

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and yes I've been guilty of blindly ignoring the signs too.

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I once went on a literal date with a woman who touched my leg all night

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and laughed at every single one of my lame ass jokes and then I asked her are you into me?

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To which she responded isn't it obvious?

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To which I replied I don't know.

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Had I known about contextual clues,

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I might have gotten the hint a little sooner.

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Context clues are essentially things that help you to tell the difference between friendliness

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and someone going out of their way to connect with you.

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So, for example, a close friend might briefly touch you during conversation.

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So you could just assume that all touching is just women being friendly.

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And this is why context matters so much,

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because in the context of a close friendship, it's absolutely normal to briefly touch during interactions.

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But in the context of an interaction with a woman that you are not close with,

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it's not standard behavior.

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And sure, there are certain people who may naturally be more touchy with strangers.

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But again, context is everything here.

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Because if the touch is not only repeated,

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but in places we don't normally touch people we barely know,

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such as on the knee or the leg,

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then it's moved beyond friendliness into flirtation.

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Let's apply this to another scenario.

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Imagine that there is a woman working at the front desk of your gym.

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Every time you walk in,

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she smiles, says hi, and asks you how your workouts going.

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Now, in the context of her employment at the gym,

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that's just really standard professional behavior.

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But if she notices when you haven't been to the gym and comments on it,

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remembers highly specific details about you

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and regularly keeps chatting to you long after she scanned your membership card while there's literally a queue forming behind you.

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Now we are entering different territory because she's no longer just doing what the social situation requires.

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She's adding extra.

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Extra warmth, attention and curiosity aren't required in regular social protocols,

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which is why attraction tends to live in the extra.

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A barista remembering your coffee order is a barista who's good at her job,

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but a barista who notices when you changed your hair,

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comes over to talk to you at your table whenever you come in

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and stays chatting for well beyond a minute while she's on shift.

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Yeah, she isn't just doing her job.

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It's someone doing that little bit extra to connect with you that's the key to differentiating flirtiness from friendliness.

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OK, so now you know how to get out of the friend zone and tell if she's flirting back.

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How do you turn that into something beyond just like showing up at Starbucks every week and having the same flirty conversation?

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If you tend to get stuck here and struggle to get to the dating stage and especially the girlfriend stage,

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then my next video is for you.

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In it,

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I walk you through exactly what you need to do to

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get a girlfriend as a queer woman from the very first date to the relationship talk.

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So tap it to go and watch it and find out what to do next.

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And I'll see you over there.

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Shadowing Practice: Lesbian flirting 101 (you're getting it wrong) - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

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Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication

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