Shadowing Practice: how to stop being pathetic, desperate, and insecure - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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I don't want this to sound mean, but if you are someone who works a nine to five throughout the week that you're not passionate about, you don't care about your body, you're not working towards any goals,
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you spend 90 % of your free time scrolling, you're a people pleaser and your inner monologue is always negative, of course you're not confident.
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How are you going to be confident living a life like that?
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It's like you've opted out of participating in your own life.
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But this is your life.
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Act like it.
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Become someone worth being confident in.
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And if you don't know where to start, have no fear.
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In today's video, I'm going to share my confidence tips with you.
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These are just some things that have made me less pathetic, desperate, and insecure over the years.
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And I am confident that if you apply these things to your life, you'll start to feel confident too.
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Genuine confidence is like a muscle that's built over time.
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You can't create it without action.
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You don't have fitness results before you go to the gym.
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You'll never be confident in social situations if you don't practice talking to people.
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You'll never be confident in your body if you don't start taking care of it and talking positively about yourself.
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How are you supposed to be confident in your ability to show up online if you never show up online?
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How could you be confident in your personality if you don't even know who you are?
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So start getting to know yourself better.
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Confidence is knowledge.
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I've heard it put this way.
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When you first start a new job, it takes time for you to become confident with it.
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For example, I became a bartender the day after my 21st birthday.
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I didn't know if Grey Goose was rum or vodka at that point.
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I might have even thought it was whiskey.
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I really was so lost.
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I had no idea what I was doing, but now I'm 25.
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I've been bartending for the last four years and I could do it in my sleep.
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It's the exact same with becoming confident in yourself.
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You have to get to know yourself very well.
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Work on becoming self -aware.
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A Harvard study showed that 95 % of people think they're self -aware, but only 10 to 15 % actually are.
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So even if you think you're self -aware, think again.
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Being self -aware means that you clearly understand your own thoughts, feelings actions and how your mood
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and your stress impacts the people around you it's becoming aware of your trauma
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and what triggers you you really have to be more introspective
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and there are so many different practices
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that can help you with this keep a journal reflect on your everyday life go to therapy the thing
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that helps me become more self -aware and i do this every
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so often is to do a self -audit look at your life as
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if you were a stranger on the outside looking in literally
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just audit each category of your life your relationship your job your friendships your daily habits.
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If you were a stranger, what kind of person would you perceive yourself as?
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What blind spots do you notice?
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Are you happy with what you see?
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Is this a person you'd want to be?
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Focus on that.
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It's step one.
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You've got to know what your morals, values, and goals are.
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You have to know what your confidence stands for.
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What do you represent?
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What is your confidence protecting?
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Who are you?
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The second thing that'll help you with your confidence is to practice self -love.
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Let go of being a people pleaser.
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Change yourself talk.
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Make sure it's not negative.
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Say positive affirmations if you need to.
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If I accidentally say something negative about myself, I'll correct myself out loud in front of anyone who heard me say it.
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Set healthy boundaries.
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Start saying no. Say no to things that drain you or make you feel inadequate.
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When I stopped drinking, I had to start saying no every time I got invited out.
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I hate bars.
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I hate clubs.
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It's never been my scene and i genuinely don't have fun
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when i go so especially
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when i stopped drinking i was like i can't do this
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shit sober have you ever been in the club sober girl
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and like i also don't like drinking it doesn't make me feel good i don't have fun
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when i'm drunk so what's the point in being in
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that environment sober or not either way i'm gonna have a bad time
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and i'm not about to keep putting myself in
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that situation just to make other people happy when i don't enjoy it at all i'm gaining nothing from that experience.
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And it was hard at first, but people respect all of my notes without prying because I never fold.
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And yeah, I get called lame, especially when I won't go out after work with my coworkers or my regulars.
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I mean, what kind of bartender doesn't drink?
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But I don't give a singular fuck.
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I don't.
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And I don't mean to sound so arrogant, but I've got more important shit to do.
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I would rather get called lame by people that don't understand me than go out just to please them.
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My time is valuable.
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My energy is valuable.
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And I need to protect both so I can put them towards my dreams and my goals.
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You need to have that kind of certainty in your values and decisions in order to be confident in them.
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That's why self -awareness is so important.
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That's why it's step one.
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You first need to be self -aware so you know what your values
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and your goals are and what your decisions need to be.
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That way you know what your confidence is standing for and protecting.
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This also falls under the practice self -love umbrella.
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But make sure you're taking care of your body, eat enough, eat healthy food, drink enough water, go to the gym.
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Obviously, everyone knows taking care of your body is good for you, and doing something that is universally recognized as good makes you feel a little more confident.
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Stop comparing yourself to other people.
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It is so much easier said than done.
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Delete social media if you have to.
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Unfollow people that make you feel bad about yourself.
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I'm gonna put myself on blast for a second.
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When I was in high school, I used to feel so threatened by pretty girls who could sing and write music.
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That was supposed to be my thing.
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Like, I invented that but I had to learn that acknowledging
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that someone else is beautiful and talented doesn't erase your talent or diminish your radiance at all.
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I always used to feel like the more people there are in the world who do what I do, the less valuable I was because I was easier to replace, but baby, we're people.
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We're not products.
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We're not parts that need to be replaced.
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Your power is the fact that there's only one of you.
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Your unique energy cannot be replicated.
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There is no comparison.
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It doesn't even matter that there are thousands of other people in your niche.
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There's only one of you.
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So focus on what makes you who you are.
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It's not just your talents or solely what's on the outside.
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It's the unique gifts that God gave you and how you use them.
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It's the energy that's within you and only you.
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You bring something to the table that no one else can.
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Let your confidence come from that.
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Stop judging other people.
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I know you do.
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We all do.
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The universal advice for confidence is don't worry about what other people think.
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But if you yourself are constantly judging other people, of course you're going to assume that other people are doing the same to you.
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Be honest with yourself about this.
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Do you judge other people often?
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You don't have to admit it publicly.
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This is about self -awareness.
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Being judgmental is a major sign of insecurity, even if it's in the privacy of your own mind.
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It reveals your own hidden insecurities and unspoken rules you've set for yourself.
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Emphasizing a small fault in someone else can serve as a distraction from blind spots in your own life.
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I'll quote the Bible.
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Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye
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and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
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Fix your own major faults before you try to correct the small mistakes of other people.
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If you have a harsh and critical spirit, it shows that you struggle to extend grace and forgiveness to yourself.
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Heal that.
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You can't be confident if you're overly judgmental to yourself or to others.
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It screams you're insecure and insecure energy makes you ugly.
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Just saying.
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Practice talking to people.
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This helps build social confidence and for my anxious girlies, trust me, I know it's hard.
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This is coming from the girl who was pulled out of public school because her anxiety was so bad.
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Practice talking to people in real life, face to face, in person.
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My job is actually what helped me get better at talking to people.
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I became a server at 19 and obviously you have to talk to your tables to get their orders.
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I'm not saying you have to go out and get a job that forces you to be social.
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That's just how I got better at it.
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Start small.
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Ask the cashier how their day is going at the grocery store.
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Compliment a stranger's outfit at the mall.
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Start a conversation with someone you don't know before class starts.
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I believe in you.
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Stop oversharing.
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Once you get better at talking to people, make sure you don't get into the habit of oversharing.
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It is so much easier to show up confidently when nobody knows what's going on in your life.
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Leave questions unanswered.
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The world does not need to know your business, particularly at school and at work.
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Bro, I don't tell my co -workers anything.
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Nothing at all.
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What goes around goes around for real.
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Like there are no secrets at all.
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And it's not that I don't like my co -workers because I really do.
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They're great people.
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But people have big mouths and you never know who's preying on your downfall.
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Call me paranoid, but it's true.
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You start to feel really powerful
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when you're in full control of what kind of access people
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have to information about you this is not a joke i take this
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so seriously you should too you never know who's keeping tabs on you
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or why protect your peace don't overshare keep promises to yourself
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this is not unique advice i'm sure you've heard this before
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if you tell yourself you're gonna do something make sure you
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actually do it let's say you have a friend named laura
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and laura is infamous for being late but y 'all have lunch plans tomorrow
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and she tells you she'll meet you at the restaurant at 1 30 how much confidence do you have
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that laura's actually going to show up at 1 .30?
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Probably very little, right?
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I mean, the girl's always late.
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When she says she'll be there at 1 .30, you take it with a grain of salt.
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You know you're probably fine to show up at 1 .50 and she still won't be there.
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It's no different with yourself.
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If you always tell yourself, I'm going to get up early tomorrow and you never actually do it, how much confidence do you have that you're actually going to get up early tomorrow if you say it today?
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Get serious about this.
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Promise yourself, okay, I'm going to make my bed when I get up in the morning and actually do it.
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This builds inner trust.
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Confidence and trust are synonymous.
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Another great way to build trust within yourself is to stop asking other people for permission.
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Other people don't have to agree with you in order for a decision about your life to be the right one.
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If you have to ask for someone else's opinion before every little thing that you do, hello, red flags all around.
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That's a major sign of insecure, desperate energy.
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No more of that.
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I've said this a million times.
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I will probably say this in every single video I make because I believe in it so strongly.
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Stop waiting to feel ready before you do the thing.
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Do it scared.
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Do it anxious.
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Use discernment with this because it doesn't apply to everything, but do it unprepared.
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Confidence is a result, not a prerequisite.
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Feeling ready rarely actually happens.
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Sometimes you just gotta jump and the confidence will come later.
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I wasn't ready to start my first YouTube channel when I did.
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I just realized that no one was gonna do it for me.
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I had to swallow my ego and go for it.
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Now it's just a normal part of my everyday life.
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I've genuinely always been the kind of person who just goes for it when she wants something.
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And I'm so passionate about this.
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I would love to teach other people how to do this too.
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So much good has come of it.
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This is more about physical confidence, just like being confident in how you look.
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Create a beauty maintenance schedule and stick to it.
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The important part is that you stick to it.
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If you find yourself saying things like, I wanna be the kind of person who's just naturally pretty, who doesn't have to try at all.
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She just wakes up looking like a model.
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I hate to break it to you, babes, but that shit is not natural for 99 .9999999 % of people.
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It's called being high maintenance to be low maintenance.
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You might have heard of it on TikTok.
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That's years and years of self -care and maintenance routines stacked on top of each other.
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That's a skincare routine that's never skipped.
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It's a gym schedule that's stuck to.
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For some people, it's getting Botox or filler.
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It's eating healthy and drinking enough water.
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There's actually a lot of effort that goes into looking effortlessly beautiful every single day.
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I do a full maintenance routine at home at least once or twice a week where I'm taking an everything shower, washing my hair, dermaplaning, touching up my brows.
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I do a face mask two or three times a week.
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I dye my hair every so often.
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I do my nails as needed.
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I never skip my skincare routine.
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I'm very strict about it.
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I do not play about my maintenance.
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And that's been the most productive thing for my physical confidence.
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I grew up chopped.
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We're never looking back.
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When you have a strict beauty maintenance schedule that you stick to, It's like your starting point or your baseline
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when you're getting ready is already good
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If you keep your house clean all the time You don't
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have to stress over deep cleaning your house every time you have company over
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because your house is already clean I don't know.
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That's kind of how I think about my physical self -care If I just keep up with it all the time, I can show up confidently
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Spontaneously like I don't I don't have to think about whether
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or not my nails are done because they're always done Is that crazy?
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Maybe I just have too much time But do as much or as little as you want it's up to you, but it's just really important to try your best to stick to it.
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If you had a whole fitness journey and you finally hit your goal weight, you're not going to be able to maintain it if you don't continue eating healthy and going to the gym.
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Once your skin is finally clear, you have to keep up with the skincare regimen to keep it that way.
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If you get a full set of acrylics done, you have to go back and get them filled every two weeks or so to keep them looking good.
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And I don't mean for this to sound so overwhelming, but the effort never ends.
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For most things in life, there isn't a point where it stops and you can give up
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and stop putting in effort and stop trying and still expect the same result.
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There's maintenance involved with everything.
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You have to do work to maintain the results.
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But confidence feels really good and it's well worth the time and effort.
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My final point for this video might come off a little controversial, but every day when I wake up, if I'm leaving the house at all, I get ready like I'm gonna run into my enemies.
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Think the girls that don't like you.
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Your ex -boyfriend.
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You truly never know who you'll see when you leave the house, so make sure you look put together.
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I'm not saying you got to be dressed to the nines with a full face of makeup on to go to target.
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Who does that?
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But at the very least, look clean.
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Look like you give a damn.
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Make sure you'd be okay with unexpectedly running into your boss, a client, someone from high school, your ex, or your haters looking the way that you do.
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A lot of people when they talk about confidence will say, oh it needs to come from within.
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You should be confident without the hair and the makeup and everything else.
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And I'm like, okay, yes, in a perfect world, sure, absolutely.
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But can we be so fucking for real for a second?
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Out of all the people I know that are truly confident, not one of them shows up anywhere looking a mess.
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They always look put together.
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You know why?
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Because they love themselves.
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They have self -respect.
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Over time, showing up looking your best no longer comes from a place of insecurity or dressing like you're gonna run into your ex.
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It becomes a habit that comes from a place of loving how you feel
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when you put some effort into your appearance
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and respecting yourself enough to prioritize
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that daily dress like someone who respects themselves do your hair
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and makeup like someone who loves to love how they look show up as someone who is confident
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and it becomes your reality become the kind of person who
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takes action i didn't even write this in my notes it just came to me
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but i think that's the best advice i could possibly give you about becoming confident even
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when i wake up and my skin is breaking out i still feel confident
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because I know I'm the kind of person who takes action.
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I know that I'm gonna do something about it and my skin is gonna look better tomorrow.
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If I wake up with a pimple, I do my skincare routine like normal, I do a face mask, I put on a pimple patch, I adjust my diet for the day, I make sure I drink enough water, and by the next morning it's gone.
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If I was the kind of person who didn't take any action
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and just sat there obsessing over the fact that oh my god I have a pimple, I feel so ugly, I feel so insecure, of course I wouldn't be confident.
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When I see a problem I immediately start taking action towards the solution.
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Because I know I'm actively taking action and good things take a little bit of time, I'm able to be confident even during the becoming process.
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Even during the process of that action, if that makes sense.
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I really hope that made sense.
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Confidence comes from doing, becoming, embodying.
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It all comes from action one way or another
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and I really hope this video gave you some helpful tools to start with.
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So thank you so much for being here you are so appreciated.
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I also just want to take a moment to say thank you
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so much for all of the love and positive comments that I got on my first video.
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I wasted the first half of my 20s.
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I'm so grateful for every single person that watched that video
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and left a comment and subscribed from that video if you're new here.
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Hi, welcome, thank you.
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This was the first time in my life I ever did something like
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that and it just immediately felt so aligned and so meant to be and I don't know,
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I've just never felt more like I'm on the right track with stepping into my purpose.
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So thank you so much for being here.
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Thank you for watching that video.
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Thank you for watching this video.
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I love you so much.
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Cheers, bitch.
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You got this.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “how to stop being pathetic, desperate, and insecure”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: confident, confidence, self. This video has 303 sentences and 3492 words to shadow. The speech runs for 15:41. The speaker talks fast, about 223 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| insecure adjective | /ɪnsəˈkjʊɹ/ | Not secure. |
| skincare noun | /ˈskɪn.kɛɹ/ | The care and treatment of the skin, especially of the face. |
| overshare verb | To share too much or in excess. | |
| insecurity noun | A lack of security; uncertainty. | |
| sober adjective | /ˈsoʊ.bɚ/ | Not drunk; not intoxicated. |
| confidently adverb | /ˈkɑnfɪdəntli/ | In a confident manner; with confidence; with strong assurance; positively. |
| judgmental adjective | /ˌd͡ʒʌd͡ʒˈmɛnt(ə)l/ | Of or relating to judgment. |
| pleaser noun | Someone or something which pleases. | |
| bartender noun | /ˈbɑɹˌtɛndɚ/ | One who tends a bar or pub; a person preparing and serving drinks at a bar. |
| audit noun | /ˈɔːdɪt/ | A judicial examination. |
| passionate adjective | /ˈpæʃənɪt/ | Fired with intense feeling. |
| anxious adjective | /ˈæŋkʃəs/ | Nervous and worried. |
| genuinely adverb | /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/ | In a genuine manner; truthfully, truly. |
| acrylic adjective | /əˈkɹɪl.ɪk/ | Derived from acrylic acid or acrylonitrile. |
| affirmation noun | /æfɝˈmeɪʃn/ | That which is affirmed; a declaration that something is true. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. | |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. | |
| wake up verb | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | To stop sleeping; to awake. |
| get up verb | To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb. | |
| keep up with verb | To manage to remain beside or just behind someone or something that is moving away from one. | |
| put together verb | To assemble, construct, build, or formulate. | |
| break out verb | To escape, especially forcefully or defiantly. | |
| come off verb | To become detached. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- What blind spots do you notice?
- Are you happy with what you see?
- Is this a person you'd want to be?
- What is your confidence protecting?
- I mean, what kind of bartender doesn't drink?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to feel |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | you've opted · have made · I've heard |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who works · anyone who heard · person who just |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | be replaced · cannot be replicated · was pulled |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 127 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, I'm, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, pathetic /pəˈθɛtɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: passionate /ˈpæʃənɪt/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, affirmation /æfɝˈmeɪʃn/, diminish /dɪˈmɪnɪʃ/, cashier /kaˈʃɪə/
- Long words — get the stress right: confidently /ˈkɑnfɪdəntli/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, effortlessly /ˈɛf.ɚt.ləs.li/, introspective /ˌɪntɹəˈspɛktɪv/, prerequisite /pɹiˈɹɛkwəzət/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like insecure, skincare, overshare.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.