Shadowing Practice: How to Enter Your Confidence Era ✨ Stop Caring What They Think & Know Your Worth - Learn English Speaking with Video
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So the reason you don't feel like that girl, the reason you don't have confidence, it isn't because you're not her.
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It's because your confidence and your self-worth were built on things that weren't meant to last.
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So when I first started my self-love journey, I was a freshman in college, struggling to make friends.
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I was the heaviest I've ever been.
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I had no direction, no purpose, no money.
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And I always believed that the secret to becoming that girl that I always wanted to be, the girl who walks into a room and knows who she is, she's magnetic, she's confident, effortless.
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I always thought that the secret was just to achieve more, be prettier, lose weight, dress better, make more money, have more friends, get more followers.
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So that is exactly what your girl did.
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I spent years chasing that girl aesthetic.
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I lost the weight.
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I upgraded my style.
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I got the money, the followers.
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I built a life that on paper was everything I thought I needed to finally feel confident.
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But let me tell you something.
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None of that made me actually feel like that girl.
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Because the entire time I was building my confidence on things
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that can be taken away like this tomorrow
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So I was literally setting myself up for failure to never actually feel like I was enough
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And that is the part
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that nobody talks about I feel like everyone talks about how
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to glow up how to be confident how to level up yourself
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And the truth I realized is you don't become
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that girl You need to realize that you already are
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and you just need to start acting like it So in this video, i'm going to be giving you your guide to actually become
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that girl that version of yourself that you look up to and build unbreakable confidence.
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So when you walk into a room, you know who you are, you know your worth, and you don't care about anyone
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and their mom's opinion because you just know that you are that girl.
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By the way, if you're new here, hello, my name is Lina and I share all things leveling up and becoming your best self.
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So if you're not subscribed already, what are you doing, Kate?
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What are you doing?
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Go subscribe right now.
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So first things first, you actually need to understand what true confidence actually is.
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Being confident isn't about how you look, how many people like you, how many people think you're attractive, how much money you have.
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Confidence is made up of two things.
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It's external worth and internal worth.
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So your external worth is made up of everything that's outside of you.
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So this includes how you look, your achievements, how people perceive you, how much attention and validation you're getting.
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And don't get me wrong, the external stuff, like it matters.
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It contributes to your confidence.
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Like, yes, I'm all about taking care of your appearance.
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You know, today I curled my hair.
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I got kind of cute for you guys.
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It's good to be ambitious to level up your life, your environment, all of that matters.
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But the problem is when your confidence is only built on that external worth.
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Okay.
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I had to learn that the hard way girl, because that is what my confidence was based on these last five years of my life.
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And let me tell you, it is unstable.
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The second someone else prettier walks into the room, the second something doesn't go your way, your confidence from that external worth, it's going to drop to the ground and take it from me.
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Okay.
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I spent the last five years just chasing, chasing the million followers, chasing money chasing the perfect body chasing love
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and I got those things because I was just desperately chasing
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and from the outside everyone
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that looks at my life maybe on social media it may
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look like I had a glow up you know it may look like I have the perfect life
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because I'm basically unrecognizable from where I first started like a girl who couldn't even look in the mirror
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because I was
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so insecure of what I saw looking back I had no friends I was never in a relationship I felt
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so unloved I was physically the most unhealthy I've ever been
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nobody at school knew who I was like I remember just
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like waking up every day feeling like I had no purpose
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that no one loved me I just had the lowest confidence of my life
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so to go from
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that to where I'm at now it may look like to you to everybody
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that I am finally this confident unrecognizable person
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but look it was not until this past year where I
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had to experience some of the most painful things in my
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life betrayal family trauma constantly comparing myself to other people that's
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when I realized that none of the external stuff
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that I had living in this beautiful apartment upgrading my looks losing the weight having the friends I've always wanted,
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I realized none of that protected me from feeling at my absolute lowest these past couple months.
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So you could say I really hit rock bottom the last couple months, but I'm so grateful for that experience
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because it forced me to get a mirror and look at myself and realize I built everything about myself externally, but I never built myself internally.
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And if you get anything from watching me, learn from my mistake.
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Don't just build yourself externally.
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Don't just focus on what your life looks like.
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Work on that inner self, that inner self love get to know yourself, love yourself.
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And that's actually why you see so many people like celebrities, actresses, whatever.
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They can look super confident on the outside.
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They look like they have everything.
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They got the money, the fame, they're beautiful.
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They're the best they ever looked, but they're still insecure internally.
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Some of them are still stuck in toxic relationships.
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They're seeking validation.
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Some of them are beautiful on the outside, but ugly on the inside and don't have good personalities.
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And you could just tell that they're not at peace with themselves.
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And I learned the hard way that external worth makes you look confident, but only internal worth makes you actually feel it.
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Keep promises to yourself.
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So the number one thing that will actually help you to build unbreakable, true magnetic confidence is keeping promises to yourself.
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True self-love, self-confidence, that is built brick by brick through self-trust.
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So when you say you're gonna go to the gym and work out, you go.
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When you say you're gonna wake up early, you do it.
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When you say you're gonna pursue your dream, you actually take steps toward it.
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Because every time you follow through on a promise that you make to yourself, you are actually proving to yourself, I can rely on me.
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And there's a saying that I always love to repeat, but it's discipline is the highest form of self-love.
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And girl, it is true.
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Discipline isn't supposed to feel like punishment.
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Your mindset shouldn't be having discipline is punishment.
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Your mindset should be having discipline is showing myself that I'm gonna take care of myself.
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I'm gonna show up for myself even when I don't feel like it.
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So even when you're tired, even when you're unmotivated, even when you're so scared of failing, you still show up for yourself every single day.
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And that is where true confidence is built.
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It is in those moments where you don't feel like showing up, but you do it anyway because you love yourself that much.
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And actually, the more you break promises to yourself, the more you subconsciously stop trusting yourself.
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And I know this because every time I don't feel like myself, when I start to feel insecure, when I find myself in a slump, when I'm like rotting in my bed,
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doom scrolling all day, it's always during a season where I realize I'm not keeping promises to myself.
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It's when I'm not working out.
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I'm not taking care of my health.
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I'm eating unhealthy foods.
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I'm procrastinating my work.
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I'm not taking care of my body.
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I'm not taking care of my mental health.
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And if you're in that place right now where you just feel off, you feel insecure, you feel lost in life.
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Maybe you feel like you don't know who you are.
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You don't recognize yourself.
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This moment is actually when you need to press in harder, not run away from your problems, not numb yourself by just scrolling all day, not avoiding.
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You need to press in.
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And I'm saying this because you are about to unlock the most confident, strong version of yourself.
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And I'm saying this because I'm your proof.
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I'm not about to sit here and be like, I'm the most confident person ever.
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But I will say in these last couple months where I've taken my healing journey and my self-love journey so seriously, I am more confident today than I was even like two months ago.
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The real ones already know the story, but I got out of a five-year relationship.
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I went through what I processed as betrayal and being replaced.
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And I'm not gonna lie.
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I was a mess at first.
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Like genuinely, I was down bad.
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I cried every single day, but I gave myself time to feel it, to feel all my emotions, to let myself feel sad.
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But then there came the point where I was like, all right, I do not want to feel like this forever.
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I do not want this person to have that much power over me where I am this down bad for this long.
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I refuse to stay at this place where I'm at mentally and I'm going to heal for real.
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So this was actually in the month of February, 2026.
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Every single day, I forced myself to sit with myself.
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I didn't go out and distract myself.
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I forced myself to sit with myself and process.
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And I showed up for therapy.
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I read my Bible and prayed every single day.
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I went to the gym.
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I worked.
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I showed up for myself.
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I showed up for you guys.
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I was posting very vulnerable content with you to help any
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of you guys who are going through the same thing as me.
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And let me tell you, every day I woke up, I felt terrible.
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I felt awful.
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I did not feel good about myself.
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I was struggling.
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It was so hard, but I made a promise to myself that no matter how bad I felt, how terrible I felt, how sad I felt every day, I am going to show up for myself.
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And that moment changed everything.
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It changed my confidence.
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I'm not the most confident person ever, but I'm just so sure in myself that after that painful experience I went through, you know, I wasn't perfect.
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I let myself be sad.
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I let myself be depresso espresso and rot in my bed many, many days.
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But after I got up and I showed up for myself every day, even when it was so hard, even when I felt like I couldn't make it to the next day, I still did it.
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And the confidence I feel guys in myself from that experience, from getting up every day and fighting against every feeling I felt to want to stay depressed and lay in bed,
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I fought against that.
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And from showing up for myself every day when I didn't feel like it, I have built confidence and self-love like I've never felt it before.
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And I feel like when someone has true confidence and self-love, you could just tell.
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Like you could just tell radiating, I feel like off of me that this is energy that I've never had before.
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Even after I hit a million subscribers, I didn't have this level of confidence.
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Even when I moved into my dream New York city apartment, yes, I was happy, but did I feel this level of confidence and self-trust?
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No. One realization that completely changed my life and my confidence is that people can fail you.
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People can hurt you.
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People can betray you, but the one person for certain you have to live with for the rest of your life is you.
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So that's why you need to become someone that you know, rain or shine, no matter how depressed, how sad you feel, you are someone that you can trust and lean on and count on.
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And when you become that person for yourself, that shows up for yourself, no matter what, that is where true confidence comes from.
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And the way I realized I knew I was starting to become confident was after my experience, I was like, I do not trust anybody.
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I don't want to rely on anybody.
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I was kind of being very like negative Nancy
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and I was always asking myself I can't trust anyone else I can't trust other people
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but now I'm not even asking myself
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that question anymore like can I trust other people I started
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saying to myself I can trust myself be self-led not validation led
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so what I mean by be self-led not validation led to
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level up to become the best version of yourself you need to make decisions based on alignment
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and not approval
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so you stop asking yourself questions like will they like this
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will they approve of this will they approve of me and instead you ask yourself do I like this Is this me?
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And this is something that has hit me hard recently
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because I've been healing from two major life things at the same time, cutting off my alcoholic dad and getting out of a five-year relationship that was toxic for me.
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I had to really sit with myself and ask, why, why do I keep ending up in situations where I'm overgiving,
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where I'm constantly over-forgiving, where I'm constantly forgiving, constantly abandoning myself.
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And through healing and therapy, I have learned that a lot of the issues I was dealing with as an adult, It all stems back from my childhood wound.
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So look, I used to hate the word daddy issues.
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Like it makes me cringe, but I'm not gonna lie.
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It's low key true.
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When you grow up with an abusive or absent parent, like I have, you grow up being used to love being unstable or just like not present at all.
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You grow up with being used to relationships being really toxic and you start believing that if you want love, you have to earn it.
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So through my traumatic childhood experiences with my father, I became someone that learned love through validation.
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and that showed up in a lot of ways in my life
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but mainly in that relationship that I was in
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because of my wound from my dad I stayed way longer
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than I should have I gave more than I should have I forgave things
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that I shouldn't have and when that relationship ended
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and it ended the way it did where I felt replaced
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I felt like I wasn't enough I felt like I gave everything
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but was still not chosen I just found a new place to get validation
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because I never healed
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that validation wound from my childhood you know I was newly
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single out of a long-term relationship I was posting my body a lot more on Instagram.
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I was just like posting more in general, trying to post like single glow up content.
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And I was getting attention and compliments and it temporarily made me feel better.
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But actually all of that, that I was getting the attention, the compliments, the likes, the DMS, that was all fake self-worth and love and validation.
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And all of that actually made me feel more insecure and more empty.
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And that's what happens when you're validation led and not self led.
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You're going to try to shape shift yourself in order to be chosen by another person.
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You're gonna put up with disrespect.
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You're gonna put up with toxic behaviors and being self-led.
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It's uncomfortable.
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Okay.
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It is not easy.
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It is not easy to reject validation, but that's the only thing that's going to build a true confidence.
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Being self-led means you're okay with being misunderstood.
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You're okay with not being chosen by that guy that you have a crush on.
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You're okay with not being friends with someone who keeps leaving you out.
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And most of all, you are okay choosing yourself when no one else is.
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And that's kind of like the hard lesson I'm learning now as an adult with my frontal lobe fully lobed.
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I'm learning to stop asking, how do I get this person to choose me, to treat me better, to show up for me?
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And I'm instead setting those standards for myself.
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Protect your energy.
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Don't entertain jealousy or gossip.
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So coming from someone who used to be painfully insecure, like I hated looking in the mirror.
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I would constantly compare myself with every other person.
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I felt like I had no purpose.
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I felt like no one loved me.
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I was so insecure.
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I would look at other people and try to shrink them to make me feel bigger.
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And the Biggest thing I realized, in order to be truly confident in myself, I need to just protect my energy, stay focused on myself and my own path.
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And one thing I realized about truly confident people is that they protect their energy.
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They stay focused and they just let their life speak for themselves.
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They don't need to compare with anyone else.
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They don't need to be jealous of other people.
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They themselves, their life, it speaks for itself.
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And let me just be straight up and say it.
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Gossip and jealousy is very ugly behavior.
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Okay.
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And I can say that because I used to do that.
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I will admit it.
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I used to be that jealous friend.
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I used to be so insecure and gossip about people.
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And I was partaking in that behavior when I was the most insecure about myself.
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And it's just so true when they say who you surround yourself with matters.
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Cause look, I was part of this one friend group in college where
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they were constantly talking up behind each other's back all the time.
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And sometimes I would join in, but then I had this realization.
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If they're talking about this person who they claim as their friend, they are most certainly talking about me behind my back too.
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And guess what?
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They were, they were talking about me behind my back.
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And surrounding myself with them and being their friends, it influenced me to also partake in it too.
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And it was making me a bitter, jealous person too.
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Another example of this is I had this one person
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that was in my life for a long time
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and he would portray to everybody and their mom like they were this nice guy.
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But behind closed doors, this person would tear people down, constantly judging, constantly comparing, pointing out flaws.
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And honestly, it took me years to actually clock it because this person was so good at hiding their jealousy.
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Like for example, we had this mutual friend that made a bunch of money from his investments and was super successful.
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You know, in front of his face, he was like, oh, like great job, you know, encouraging him.
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But behind closed doors, this person was telling me, oh, you know, he lived with his family for a couple of years.
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So he was able to save money and he has family support and I don't.
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Or like if someone we saw had a lot of followers, this person would be like, oh, half their followers are probably bought.
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And in the moment, it's like, it's like subtle shade.
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This person would do a lot of subtle shading and just like masking their jealousy and like a very covert way.
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And it didn't click to me that this person had a jealousy issue because they were so good at hiding it.
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Because one time I saw this person online on Reddit reading an anonymous Reddit thread about someone else online, just meticulously reading this Reddit hate thread.
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And I remember looking at that behavior and being like, um, that is strange.
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In the moment I was like, yeah, something is off.
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And now knowing what I know now, I'm like, oh, that is just insecure, coward energy.
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You are so jealous.
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You can't be genuinely happy for someone else's success.
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You always have to do subtle shade and read anonymous Reddit threads to make yourself feel better.
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And honestly, being around that energy for years, I realized it was affecting me too.
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And not to blame this person for everything, but I noticed being around this person, I started thinking like that too.
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And whenever I felt insecure, I started putting other people down and putting their achievements down and putting them down to make myself feel better.
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And I'm talking to myself here.
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That is coward, insecure, nasty behavior.
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And look, it still bit me in the butt because I became even more insecure.
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It actually didn't help my insecurities at all.
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And when you are so focused on other people like that
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and feel the need to bring other people down to make yourself feel better, that is just a reflection of what's going on inside of you.
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You know, the best decision I ever made was first repenting to God
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and apologizing and asking for forgiveness for that behavior because it's just nasty behavior and that's not who I am.
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That's not who I want to be.
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But also cutting people off that act like that.
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Keeping my distance from people that act like that and not entertaining gossip, not entertaining any jealousy and just not letting yourself be around that energy.
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Because whether you like it or not, that bad energy, it will always affect you too.
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And I understand coming from someone who used to have really low self-worth, I struggled with jealousy for a very long time.
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But here's something I learned.
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When you feel jealous over someone, instead of judging them or yourself, just get curious.
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Ask yourself, what exactly am I jealous of?
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Because jealousy isn't random.
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It's always going to point you to something that you desire.
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So if you're jealous of someone, maybe it's their confidence.
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It's their discipline.
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It's their lifestyle.
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Instead of focusing on them and making yourself feel bitter, point the finger back to yourself and ask, what can I work on to not feel jealous?
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And why do I feel jealous?
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What about this person is making me feel jealous that I can achieve for myself?
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And jealousy over something that someone else has is just an indicator to you of what you want for yourself.
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Be comfortable being alone.
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So look, I don't know who needs to hear this, but you need to start being comfortable being alone.
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Like I'm talking actually alone with yourself
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and your thoughts something I had to confront about myself recently is
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that I'm someone
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that actually was really scared of being alone I think it definitely stems from the abandonment wounds
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that I have from childhood
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and it developed in a very avoidant Personality in me as soon as I was faced with something hard.
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I'd be out Okay I would be distracting myself hanging out with my friends, going out, traveling because any moment I was alone, everything that I was avoiding would start coming up.
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Okay.
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And like these intrusive thoughts would start coming.
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And I just, I just couldn't be alone.
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I hated that.
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I hated the overthinking.
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So I would just run away from it.
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But let me tell you this past month of February, guys, I actually challenged myself to sit in one place, sit with myself and my thoughts.
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And the first time in my life, instead of pointing the finger at the other person.
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Oh, this person did me dirty.
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Why did this person treat me like that?
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This person is evil.
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This person is a villain.
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I started moving the finger from them and then pointing it to myself and asking myself the hard question, what wound in me that's unhealed allowed me to be treated this way?
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What wound in me made me want to stay in a relationship for five years that was toxic for me?
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And once I realized I had this validation wound from childhood,
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from growing up with an alcoholic narcissist father that led me then into a five-year relationship that was toxic for me.
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Once I had that realization, I was like, girl, never again, okay?
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I'm not experiencing this trauma again.
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So what I did was I stripped myself of everything that I used to fill that validation wound that I had.
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So I started unfollowing all the guys that were giving me attention while I was single.
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I archived a bunch of photos on my Instagram that were showing body yaddy yaddy.
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I stopped going out with my friends to distract myself.
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I stopped posting in general for a while because I realized
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that a lot of my validation was tied to
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if a video did well How many likes I got how
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many people watched I used the number of followers I had to fill that validation wound too.
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So the month of february I stripped myself of all of
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that and I forced myself to be alone and i'm still forcing myself to be alone I'm still not fully healed.
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I refuse to talk to anyone's son
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while i'm still in my healing process It's not fair to them It's not fair to me
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and I refuse to attract what I attracted before I refuse to repeat the same pattern
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that I did in my past relationship.
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And I'm finally taking accountability instead of just constantly blaming the other person that I have work to do too, that I am not perfect, that I also had toxic behaviors to work on because it's easy
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when you're feeling empty to constantly jump from person to person, relationship to relationship, to distract yourself by going out with your friends, partying, drinking, that stuff is easy.
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But building a relationship with yourself, truly getting to know yourself, truly healing and looking in that mirror and being like, wow, I have work to do.
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That is hard.
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And that is what a true, strong, confident person does.
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Another big thing I did in February on my healing journey was I started documenting my entire healing journey.
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I'm talking essays of journal entries, okay?
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Posting photos and videos of me healing and just like ranting.
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Oh my gosh, this is like so long.
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This is embarrassing, but I'm gonna show you guys.
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This is like my healing journey cove that I created so I could document my entire healing journey.
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I have everything from journal entries.
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Oh my gosh, I wrote so much.
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and I'm still writing in this thing every day
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because I'm still healing for example I added any links to TikToks
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that like helps me in my healing journey let's see this
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one I don't even know what this one is okay this is cute how it feels knowing
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that this is the last stage of your life before it
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all changes for the better oh that's cute um like anything
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to remind myself in my healing journey um there's videos of
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me crying sobbing I'll show this I'm like literally crying my
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eyes out my face all swollen eye boogers in my eyes tears streaming it's not coming out of my nose.
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Yeah, my healing journey is not pretty, but I'm telling you documenting my entire healing journey on Cove has been a game changer.
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And if you don't actually know, Cove is the app that my brother and I actually created.
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It all started from my love of journaling and wanting to create like a journaling app.
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And Cove is basically your safe space to not only journal and write your thoughts, but also just like document parts of your life.
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Like as you can see, you can add photos and videos and links, any memories.
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And it's not just a journal.
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It's like your own personal archive.
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And so I create different coves of different parts of my life.
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So for example, I have that healing journey cove.
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I have a Bible verses one where I save like all my favorite Bible verses and my Bible studying.
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I have an outfits inspo one where I save a bunch of my outfits that I want to start wearing.
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I even have a cats one of my cats because I take a million photos of them.
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I have a words to live by one where I just like save a bunch of quotes
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and sayings that I want to save and remember.
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And yeah, this whole idea of cove literally started from my love of journaling.
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And I really just wanted cove to be accessible for you guys.
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So it is free to download.
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And if you want unlimited uploads on Cove, you can upgrade to Cove Plus.
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So you could go crazy, upload whatever you want, as much as you want.
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But yeah, either way, I just appreciate all the love you guys have been showing for Cove.
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And my brother and I, we've just been working hard to build this and we've been doing it completely on our own.
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And it just honestly means the world that something that's genuinely helped me
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so much in my healing journey and my day-to-day life is also helping you guys too.
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So yeah, I'm gonna have Cove linked in my description for you guys.
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I love Cove, it is my favorite app.
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I'm also biased, of course.
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But yeah, whether it is Cove or your journal or your notes app journaling every day documenting your healing journey
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Your self-love journey that is genuinely what changed everything for me because i've built self-awareness It's helped me process.
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It's helped me heal and i've just learned so much from my time of being alone And by the way, you don't need to not be in a relationship to be alone
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and spend time with yourself You can absolutely spend time with yourself
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while being in a relationship and just starting to be mindful of being alone
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And spending time with myself getting to know myself girl I am learning to love parts of myself
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that I didn't even realize and also to work on the parts
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that I don't love
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so much Act like the woman you want to become now not later Not
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when you feel better not when you're up not when you're feeling motivated You need to start making decisions as her today, you know during my healing journey,
396
especially after the breakup I was like asking myself how long am I gonna feel this horrible
397
and like just like suffer this much like I want this to end And
398
so I saw this one quote it said it takes half the time you are with someone to fully heal
399
or get over that relationship.
400
I was like, I was with that person for five years.
401
You're telling me it's going to take two and a half years.
402
I was like, no, not, not I, not I.
403
And I decided for myself that I'm not going based on that two and a half year timeline.
404
In fact, I'm going to take my healing journey so seriously.
405
It's not going to take me that long.
406
And so to do that, I said, I'm going to start acting like the healed confident version of myself that is unbothered.
407
So I started to ask myself, what habits would that version of me do?
408
What does her day to day look like?
409
What type of people does she hang around?
410
What kind of content does she post?
411
And so I started incorporating all of it.
412
I started going to the gym every day, journaling every day, praying every day, making plans with friends, showing up for myself every day.
413
And I'm not fully healed yet.
414
Okay.
415
Don't get me wrong.
416
It's going to take some time, but I am so much further along my healing journey than I was even a month ago.
417
And this goes the same for your self-love journey, your confidence journey, your healing journey.
418
Confidence isn't something you wait for.
419
It is something that you build by taking action first.
420
So move before you feel ready.
421
Heal before you feel ready.
422
You wanna start posting on social media, post.
423
You wanna start working out, move, go to the gym.
424
You wanna start waking up early, wake up early.
425
Stop negotiating your worth.
426
I don't know who needs to hear this, but Bestie, stop over-explaining.
427
Stop excusing.
428
Stop over-justifying stop trying to be understood by everybody.
429
Say what you mean, do what you want, and it's okay if not everyone agrees.
430
Look, when you try to be chosen by Brad, who keeps playing games with you and not answering your texts, if you keep trying to stay friends with Stacey, who's always leaving you out and talking behind your back,
431
when you're trying to explain to your partner over and over and over again why their behavior hurt you, you are negotiating your worth.
432
It's like you're explaining.
433
You're saying to yourself, if I just explain better, maybe they're gonna treat me better.
434
If I'm more understanding, maybe they'll choose me.
435
And the truth is, when you do that, you are losing yourself.
436
You are mistreating yourself.
437
And trust me, coming from me, that's where I lost myself.
438
And at the end of the day, because I was making excuses for this person over and over again, I lost my precious time, money, peace, and life.
439
And look, I'm someone that firmly believes that everything happens for a reason.
440
And like, I don't regret, you know, the relationship that I was in or anything from my past honestly, I believe God has me exactly where he wants me to be.
441
But because I was constantly negotiating my worth to this person and not just this person, but to friends in my life that were just terrible friends to me,
442
talking behind my back, constantly leaving me out, using me, whatever.
443
I was wasting my precious time, my peace, my life.
444
I really don't like to have the mindset of like, oh, I wasted all my time.
445
I shouldn't have done that.
446
And like wanting to go back in the past and change things.
447
Like, no, I believe that everything happens for a reason.
448
I believe that God has me in this place of my life for a reason.
449
And I've learned so much from that experience and that relationship.
450
But I also believe that you can either learn things the easy way or the hard way.
451
And for some reason, because I was so stubborn and was always constantly negotiating my worth to people, to a person I was in a relationship with,
452
to friends that didn't treat me well, that were talking behind my back always and using me, I had to learn my lesson the hard way.
453
And when you learn the lesson the hard way, which trust me, I learned it the very hard way, you are giving away your time, your energy, your peace, your money.
454
And the perfect example of this is actually, you know, I think about my mom when I think about this, because I've shared with you guys before
455
that my dad had cheated on my mom with a married woman and with other women as well.
456
And he constantly cheated on her, by the way.
457
And we all found this out last year.
458
And my mom, you know, she's 61 now.
459
Don't get me wrong.
460
She's still a baddie.
461
And it's honestly so beautiful to see.
462
She's like rebuilding her life now.
463
She lives in New York City.
464
She's on her health grind.
465
She's working out.
466
But something that honestly really opened my eyes is when I asked my therapist, you know, what would my life have looked like?
467
You know, if I had gone back together with this person, like I originally wanted to and, you know, stayed with this person, like what would my life have looked like?
468
And she actually told me, you know, whatever you think that, just look at your mom and how she is 61 and rebuilding her life the way she is.
469
And I was like, oh, oh, and it's true.
470
Like my mom is literally rebuilding her life after 40 years of marriage with my father.
471
And I do say that I learned the hard way, but also like
472
when I look at it from my mom's position with 40 years of marriage on her belt and just like, I can't even imagine how difficult it is to try to heal after that.
473
And sometimes when I think about it too long, it makes me really sad to the point I want to start crying from my mom.
474
But whenever I start to feel sad from my mom and I talk to her about it, she's so strong because she tells me she's grateful because of that marriage.
475
She got me, my brother and my sister.
476
Oh my gosh.
477
Woo.
478
Whoa, this got deep real fast.
479
And I actually firmly believe that this is just true.
480
Like even when you have to learn things the hard way, God redeems.
481
God can redeem even the worst of situations.
482
And he's doing that with my mom.
483
And so if you're in a difficult situation right now, don't worry.
484
You are going to get out of it, okay?
485
But your responsibility now is to stop negotiating your worth.
486
Because when you continue to do that, You are going to have to rebuild yourself and heal way later in life.
487
And no matter what age you are, it is better to do that now than later.
488
Whoa, I was not expecting to tear up from this.
489
Look, I said it once, but I'm going to say it again for the people that need to hear me.
490
People who value you don't need to be convinced to treat you right.
491
I actually said the same quote the other day to my friend.
492
She showed me her notes app.
493
She created like a do's and don'ts list for this guy that she's talking to because he just, he just doesn't get it.
494
I just told her like, babe, look, that was me too for five years.
495
Like I have essay notes for days of countless things that I was addressing, countless notes I was writing for this person to change this behavior or that behavior.
496
And I just told her, look, I understand you.
497
I did the same thing, but learn it from me.
498
Okay.
499
From someone that learned the hard way, someone who truly values you
500
doesn't need a written do's and don'ts list on your notes app to know how to treat you right.
501
Build internal validation.
502
So like I said, it is so important to build your internal worth Because when you do that, then you stop constantly checking outside of yourself to feel good about yourself.
503
You stop asking yourself, do they like me?
504
Did they respond to my texts?
505
Did they choose me?
506
Because when you do that, you are letting someone else choose when you can feel good about yourself.
507
And that is exhausting.
508
And I did that for my entire life.
509
I needed a relationship.
510
I needed attention.
511
I needed to feel chosen to feel good about myself.
512
But when you build internal validation, you become your own source of confidence.
513
You don't need it from somebody else.
514
You don't need constant compliments to feel confident.
515
You don't need constant reassurance and love from this person to feel secure.
516
You know who you are.
517
You know what you bring to the table.
518
And that is more than enough.
519
Be consistent, not perfect.
520
Consistency over perfection any day.
521
Your goal every day shouldn't be to make sure you do everything perfect, okay?
522
I very much used to be this perfectionist.
523
I would always try to wait for the right perfect time, the right mood, the perfect moment.
524
And let me tell you, that moment never actually comes, okay?
525
I remember I remember before I started my youtube channel.
526
I wanted to do it for Probably five years before I actually started it
527
and I would always tell myself I'm just gonna wait for the perfect moment.
528
I'm gonna wait for the perfect time I'm gonna wait till I finally feel confident to post on youtube
529
and I ended up waiting Forever and so one day I just got fed up with myself and I was like, you know what?
530
I'm gonna stop waiting for the perfect moment I'm just gonna try
531
and i'm gonna try to be consistent I'm not gonna show up perfectly every single day, but i'm gonna try and look where we're at now So it's not about being perfect.
532
It's about being consistent.
533
Hold yourself accountable without shaming yourself.
534
Look, at some point, you're going to have to stop telling the story of what happened to you, whether it was a friend that did you dirty or someone that betrayed you, a relationship or someone not treating you well.
535
And then instead, start asking yourself how you ended up in it, you know?
536
And look, I say this very carefully as someone who's been through, you know, a traumatic childhood.
537
Like, I know that's not easy to hear all the time, because I will say you're not responsible for how someone treated you,
538
but you are responsible for what you tolerated, what you stayed in and what you accepted.
539
And that, I'm sorry, that was a very hard pill for me to swallow on my healing journey
540
because I was very used to pointing the finger at the other person.
541
You know, for a long time, I stayed in this mindset of I was hurt.
542
I was mistreated.
543
I didn't deserve that.
544
I feel betrayed.
545
But let me tell you, nothing actually changed until I started asking myself the hard questions.
546
Why did I stay in that?
547
Why did I think that that was normal?
548
Why did I choose someone like that?
549
And kind of sidetracking here, one of the things I had to really check myself for in asking myself the hard questions was, since I was a child, I grew up in an environment where it was very normal for,
550
you know, there to be screaming and cursing and yelling and all this stuff.
551
And I grew up with that, that was very normalized.
552
And so I realized that in the relationship that I was in, when I felt like I was being mistreated, when I felt unheard, when I felt unseen, I would react with rage and I would be screaming
553
and I couldn't control my anger and like I would curse and yell and do all these things.
554
And that's something I'm admitting to you guys.
555
It's hard for me to admit that.
556
It was hard for me to admit that to God in therapy, but I'm admitting that to you guys because I realized that that behavior is just unacceptable.
557
It does not matter that I grew up with
558
that in my childhood and my dad constantly cursing and screaming at us in our face.
559
Like that doesn't make it okay just because it was normalized in my childhood, that doesn't make it okay for me to do that to somebody else.
560
And that's something that I was doing in the relationship that I never really reflected on
561
and realized that that is just not okay.
562
And now I'm at a place where I am working on that because I never want to treat somebody like that.
563
No matter how much someone hurt me or treated me, nobody deserves that.
564
So yeah, that's one thing I wanted to admit to you guys because I want to show humility.
565
Like that's kind of the whole idea of not always just constantly blaming the other person and pointing the finger.
566
It's looking at yourself, looking in the mirror, pointing at yourself like what things was I doing wrong, you know, and that was one of the things I was doing wrong.
567
And in therapy, I've learned that it is from my childhood.
568
It was normalized in my childhood, but cursing and screaming and yelling and raging like just because it was normalized in my childhood, it does not make it OK, period, point blank, period.
569
And it wasn't my fault.
570
I grew up in that type of environment as a child, but it is my fault if I continue that behavior as an adult and to other people.
571
No, I refuse.
572
So yeah, that's when things finally started to change for me.
573
When I finally stopped focusing on what they did and started focusing on what I needed to fix myself.
574
Because nobody is perfect, babe.
575
After I told you about my toxic behaviors, you're not about to sit here and tell me that you don't have anything that you need to work on.
576
You know, we all have things we need to work on and improve.
577
You don't become that girl.
578
You decide that you already are.
579
So like I said, you don't become that girl one day.
580
You don't become the version you want to be one day.
581
You decide you want to be her.
582
Because I spent years thinking once I look better, once I have a better body, once I have more followers, once I have more money, once my life looks perfect, that I'll finally feel confident.
583
But I got all that stuff and the moment never came.
584
So true, real confidence isn't something that you chase.
585
It's something that you choose.
586
You choose how you see yourself.
587
You choose what you tolerate.
588
You choose how you show up for yourself.
589
And let me remind you, I'm sure you have had some moments where you felt like that girl.
590
Where you walked into a room
591
and you felt good where you told yourself you're gonna go to the gym
592
and you show up and you feel good about yourself.
593
So that version of you, that confident, sure version of you, she exists.
594
You just need to keep choosing her and choosing habits that embody her.
595
So here's your reminder.
596
You don't need to earn becoming her.
597
You don't need to wait to become her.
598
You decide and you decide today.
599
And then you start acting like her today.
600
If you watch the end, I want you to comment down below this emoji so I know
601
that you're a real one and actually watch to the end.
602
I really, really hope this video helped.
603
And if you're a real one, make sure you follow me on Instagram and TikTok.
604
I post a lot more on there and I love you guys
605
so so much and I hope to catch you in my next video.
606
Bye
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Enter Your Confidence Era ✨ Stop Caring What They Think & Know Your Worth”. This video has 606 sentences and 7992 words to shadow. The speech runs for 35:02. The speaker talks fast, about 228 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| heal verb | /ˈhiːl/ | To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure. |
| validation noun | /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/ | The act of validating something. |
| cove noun | /koʊv/ | A hollow in a rock; a cave or cavern. |
| insecure adjective | /ɪnsəˈkjʊɹ/ | Not secure. |
| jealousy noun | /ˈd͡ʒɛl.ə.si/ | A state of being jealous; a jealous attitude. |
| follower noun | /ˈfɒləʊə(ɹ)/ | One who follows, comes after another. |
| negotiate verb | /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/ | To confer with others in order to come to terms or reach an agreement. |
| normalize verb | /ˈnɔː.mə.laɪz/ | To make normal, to bring into alignment with an established standard. |
| mindset noun | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | A way of thinking; an attitude or opinion, especially a habitual one. |
| gossip noun | /ˈɡɑsɪp/ | Someone who likes to talk about other people's private or personal business. |
| curse noun | /kɝs/ | A supernatural detriment or hindrance; a bane. |
| genuinely adverb | /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/ | In a genuine manner; truthfully, truly. |
| scream verb | /skɹiːm/ | To cry out with a shrill voice; to utter a sudden, sharp outcry, or shrill, loud cry, as in fright or extreme pain; to screech, to shriek. |
| distract verb | /dɪˈstɹækt/ | To divert the attention of. |
| realization noun | /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/ | An act of figuring out or becoming aware. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| wake up verb | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | To stop sleeping; to awake. |
| get out of verb | To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of. | |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| work out verb | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | To calculate. |
| get up verb | To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb. | |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. | |
| put up with verb | To endure, tolerate, suffer through, or allow, especially something annoying. | |
| run away from verb | To avoid or shirk a problem or consequences; to rush to back away from or disclaim responsibility for something. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Ask yourself, what exactly am I jealous of?
- Why did this person treat me like that?
- You stop asking yourself, do they like me?
- Did they respond to my texts?
- Why did I stay in that?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to hate · used to be · used to do |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | I've been healing · have been showing · we've just been working |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've ever been · I've always wanted · I've taken |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | were built · can be taken · is made |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 229 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: unhealthy /ʌnˈhɛl.θi/, aesthetic /ɛsˈθɛ.tɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, shade /ʃeɪd/
- Long words — get the stress right: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, unrecognizable /ʌnˈɹɛkəɡnaɪzəbəl/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like heal, validation, cove.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.