Shadowing Practice: How to Enter Your Level Up Era: Stop Chasing, Go Ghost, and Focus on You ✨ - Learn English Speaking with Video
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You wanna know what the biggest flex is?
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It's letting people miss out on you.
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You go silent, you go ghost, and you focus so hard on yourself and not so one day they regret losing you.
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Because honestly, I hear people say that all the time.
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It's like, make them regret losing you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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No, the real sign that you've actually leveled up is when you just genuinely don't care anymore.
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Whether they regret it, whether they miss you, whether they see you doing better now.
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As someone who has had friends that talked behind my back, left me out, a partner that did not treat me well, used me.
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When you pour all of that energy that you were giving to them back to yourself, I promise you, you will level up in ways you never even thought you could.
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And then naturally, you evolve into someone that they could never have access to even if they wanted to.
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And not because you're trying to prove something to them, it's because you are finally choosing yourself instead of them.
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The true biggest level up in your life will happen
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when you stop chasing validation from people who were never capable of giving you what you wanted in the first place.
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And so in this video, I'm going to teach you exactly how to let people miss out on you
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so that you can finally level up your life.
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If you're new here, hello, my name is Lena and I share all things leveling up and becoming your best self.
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So if you want to become your best self with me, make sure you subscribe because if you're not subscribed, what are you doing?
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Okay, what are you doing?
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Go subscribe right now.
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Stop chasing people who already showed you they're okay with losing you.
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but stop chasing people who already showed you that they are okay with losing you.
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Whether it's a friend, it's a coworker, a guy that you're interested in, a family member.
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If someone keeps disrespecting you, overlooking you, confusing you, making you feel unwanted,
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you need to stop trying to convince them to value you.
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All right, we're gonna get into a few story times
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because i'm not about to sit here and preach to you
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If I didn't go through these things myself I went through a lot of humbling things myself.
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So story time number one I had this friend in college
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that you know
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when we became friends we became close super fast It was like one of those things where you meet somebody
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and you're like, oh, this is gonna be my bestie And especially because when I first got to college, I actually really struggled to make friends like guys The amount
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of weekends I spent alone no plans no friends no nothing
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I was literally just sitting in my dorm room alone every single weekend by myself
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because I was just struggling to make friends.
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So when I met her, right, it felt like fate.
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Let's call her Christina.
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Okay, so Christina when we first met it felt like fate like this is gonna be my best friend for life.
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It felt like, you know, I finally have such a good friend in my corner.
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I love her so much.
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We're gonna be besties forever.
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But you know the next year she started to become really close with this other girl, which is fine by the way.
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Okay, I'm not like a territorial friend.
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Like if you're my friend, you can have other friends.
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Absolutely like please so initially like I honestly was happy for her
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and at the time too I was making other friends it seemed fine at first
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but then I started to notice something over time
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if I didn't text her first we would literally never talk
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I was always the one reaching out trying to FaceTime her
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trying to talk to her always the one asking her to hang out always trying to check in with her
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and you know whenever Christina and her friend would hang out she would never invite me
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and like sometimes I would ask her like hey what are you up to today
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and she'd be like oh like not much not much
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and then I'd see later that they'd be like hanging out together on their own, which, you know, why can't you just be honest with me that you're hanging out together?
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Like it's fine.
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Um, so then I started to notice this pattern of just, I was putting in way more effort than she was.
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I could just tell that Christina, she did not value our friendship the way that I did.
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But the thing is, I still really wanted to be her friend.
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So even when she would leave me out, even when she would kind of like white lie to me about what she's doing, even though she would never really put an effort to text me
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or call me or check in on me or make plans with me.
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I was willing to carry that weight and continue to reach out to her and, and put in the work for our friendship because I just wanted to continue being friends.
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And that lasted for years, you guys.
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And I'm not about to sit here and pretend like I was like the perfect friend too.
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Like, you know, there was a time too, where I got into a relationship and it was my first ever relationship and unhealthy relationship.
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And so I started spending all of my time with him.
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And so there was clashing with Christina and me during that time because I was always hanging out with my boyfriend.
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Yes, I used to be one of those girls.
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Ugh.
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Yeah, but anyway, story time number two.
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So this is when I first started to take content creation very seriously.
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It was my senior year of college.
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I was like, I wanna do this full time when I graduate.
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Like, I'm just gonna go for it, go for my dreams.
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And so I was, you know, with friends with Christina and her other friend at the time.
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It was like a group of us, except I didn't actually feel part of that group because I would always be left out.
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But I remember during this time, I was posting a lot more like gym content.
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I was posting a lot more like motivational content.
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and on my IG stories, whenever I saw like a motivational quote that would inspire me, I would post it on my story.
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And I remember this one time we were all sitting in the living room.
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I forgot how the conversation even started, but Christina's like, you know, Lena, sometimes your posts can be like really intense.
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And then I see Christina and that other friend looking at each other, looking at each other like this,
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like, and you know, that look when you know that people were talking about you before, like behind your back, it was that look.
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Okay.
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So I knew that they were talking about my content behind my back
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because it wasn't the first time she's made like a subtle comment about my content in front of our other friend.
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Like there were many times throughout that friendship where I felt really insecure
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or just like I felt bad for even posting on my Instagram like any of my content creation stuff
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because I felt like it was annoying them.
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That's a whole other thing.
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And let me tell you something guys.
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At the time because I was trying
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so hard to keep these friends in my life I didn't realize
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that that's actually not what good friends do because today the friends that I have in my circle now, they are ride or die.
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Majority of my friends, they are not content creators, but whenever they see any of my posts, they always try to show love or even when they see me in person, they always, you know, encourage me.
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Like they're so, so supportive of what I do.
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And so those friends, Christina and the other friends at our friend group, they made my job and my dream feel like a burden to them and something annoying to them.
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And I thought that that was normal.
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I blamed myself, you know, but now as a grown adult with actually good quality friends, I realized that those are not good friends.
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They were actually my biggest ops.
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They were my biggest haters because they are people that are supposed to love me and support me.
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And they were the ones talking behind my back.
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They were the ones like making sly comments in front of me.
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Another thing I just remembered is actually that was when I started gaining followers.
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When that happened in the living room, like I had like a decent amount of followers, but guys, when I first started on social media and started posting stuff, like I remember they would sometimes say things like,
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okay, content creator, okay, influencer.
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And like, they probably didn't mean it in like a bad way at the time.
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But I noticed that when I actually became one, you know, like became a content creator, they stopped making those comments.
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And instead it started becoming comments like, Oh, like some of the things you post can be like kind of intense, you know, like, okay, then unfollow me.
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Why are you friends with me?
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And I knew I felt terrible around them.
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I knew that they were not treating me well, but I just wanted to be friends with them that bad that I let them treat me that way.
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Okay.
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Now I'm going to need a judgment free zone because I'm about to spill some tea about myself.
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My pattern of overlooking bad behavior wasn't just in friendships.
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It was in relationships too.
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To be fair, I just turned 20 years old and it was my first serious relationship I've ever been in.
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And at the time I was a broke college student living in New Jersey with my parents.
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The real ones know it was that room.
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It's actually like a storage room.
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Um, and it was that room with no windows. And
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when I was dating this person every single weekend I would
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drive from New Jersey where I lived with my parents all
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the way to New York City just to see this person
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and like guys the toll from New Jersey to New York
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it's expensive I think at the time it was cheaper
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but it's like 15 dollars now every single time you come in
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and that's not even including gas money okay gas is expensive also I wanted to add
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that if you don't know
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and you don't live in New York parking in New York
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is a pain in the pain in the butt okay we have parking garages in New York City
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but they're very expensive it could be like 25, 30, $40 per hour that you park your car.
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And so I would have to find street parking.
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So whenever I would drive all the way to New York cities to see him, which with traffic, it'd be like an hour.
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I would drive for like another hour trying to look for parking.
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And he wouldn't even help me.
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He wouldn't help me.
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He never offered, Hey, can I help with gas money?
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Hey, can I help with the toll?
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At least can I help you with finding parking?
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None of that.
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None of that never offered, never offered anything, never offered to help,
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never offered to visit me in New Jersey to make my life easier At least one weekend, never, never.
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And every single time I would come see this person on the weekend, I would end up leaving at like four or 5am because you know, at the time I could only see him on the weekend because I lived with my parents in Jersey.
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And so he would always ask me to stay way later.
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And so I would stay, but super late.
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And every single time I left his apartment, guys, he would just like fall asleep and then never walk me to my car.
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And so I would have to leave his apartment by myself and walk myself to my car.
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Now look, that might not sound like a big deal to some of you, but in New York city, I like three, four, 5.00 AM.
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It gets very sus, especially in that area.
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There was one night where I walked to my car
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and this man who was like clearly on drugs and was also homeless.
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Like he chased me, he chased me.
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And I ran into my car and I locked my car and it was like four in the morning.
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I was terrified.
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And I remember after that, I told that person at the time, look, if I'm driving all the way to see you every single weekend,
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an hour, two hour commute with traffic just to come see you spending gas money
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and tolls and all this to come see you.
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The least you could do is walk me to my car, especially because I'm a girl, like it's dangerous, especially at that time.
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And he was like, okay, yeah, yeah, I will.
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Next time I saw him, didn't do it again, fell asleep.
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And then when I brought it up to him, I was like, I told you I got chased by this man literally last weekend
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and you still don't want to walk me to my car.
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And his excuse was, Oh, like I'm tired from work.
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Like, what do you want me to do?
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I was gonna walk you to your car.
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I just fell asleep.
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I'm tired.
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So many excuses.
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Another thing is like that entire year we were dating where I was living in New Jersey with my parents.
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He never offered to come visit me in New Jersey.
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He always expected me to drive all the way from New Jersey to go see him in New York city.
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I remember this time I asked him like, Hey, can you come visit me in Jersey one of these days?
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And he made this excuse.
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He goes, you know, I don't have my license and it's a lot easier for you to just drive, you know?
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Like, no, he was just lazy and he didn't want to put in the effort.
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I don't care if you don't have a license and you don't have a car.
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Look, I did not have the money at the time.
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I'm not asking you to take a $70, $80 Uber all the way to New Jersey, but you could take the bus, take public transportation, figure it out.
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And there was just a couple of times where he visited me at home in Jersey.
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And guys, every time he came to visit me, it was because I went to go pick him up.
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Yes, I would drive from Jersey to New York City to go pick him up to go back to New Jersey.
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And then after we'd hang out in New Jersey, I would drop him off in New York City.
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I told you guys, I need a judgment-free zone.
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I need a judgment-free zone.
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My friends joke to me, they're like, oh, so like you're his personal Uber driver now.
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And I was like, you got me, you got me there.
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And I remember him making excuse after excuse of why he never put in effort, why he always expected me to do everything.
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And because I wanted to keep him in my life so badly, because I wanted to be chosen and in a relationship
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and feel loved so badly that I was willing to put up with that.
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And there are so many stories like that, but a lot worse, guys.
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And when I think about those stories, like my heart just breaks for the younger version of me because,
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you know, I always thought love meant proving your worth and proving how loyal you are, staying even when it's hard and forgiving over and over again.
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But the more that you chase people who are okay hurting you, you are abandoning yourself every time.
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And that's what I did for like majority of my life until this past year where I woke up.
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You are not responsible for how badly someone treats you, but you are responsible for what you continue to allow from them.
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Because every excuse you make for someone else's behavior, it actually becomes a reflection of what you think you deserve.
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So stop trying to convince people to value you.
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The right people who are meant to be in your life do not need any convincing.
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Okay, so your girl has another story.
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It's about that relationship again with that person.
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So this is when I first started seeing this person.
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And when I met him, he had just gotten out of like a two and a half year relationship or something like that.
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And you know, at first he told me it ended like six months before he met me, but also another time he said it was three months before me.
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You've told me two different times.
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Can you just confirm to me
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when was the last time you actually spoke to her and then you actually finally blocked her and all this stuff?
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And at the time he said, oh, that was like three months ago.
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So mind you, when he met me, it was only just a couple months after he stopped emotionally, whatever, entertaining that other relationship.
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So that is a red flag number one.
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Okay.
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If someone is not honest with you when they stopped actually seeing a person and like their timelines keep changing, that's a red flag.
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Also three months after like a long term relationship like that.
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And you're already trying to find somebody new, like you need time to heal, sir.
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Like you need time to heal.
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Anyway, look, I was like 19, 20 at the time.
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I was like, yay, my first relationship thing.
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Like I'm excited.
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I ignored all the red flags.
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And another big red flag is that, you know, that person had told me his ex was like a terrible person, like a complete villain.
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She was horrible.
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She was crazy.
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She treated me terribly, like all these things.
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Now I'm just going to pause right there to my ladies and gents.
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Whenever someone new you meet tells you that every ex of theirs was the problem, that means that they're the problem, okay?
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But now we know.
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Anyway, we weren't actually even dating officially at that point.
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This was only a couple weeks into seeing each other and talking to each other.
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And we went to my friend's beach house.
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I was like in a bikini.
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We're on the beach and he takes a photo of me.
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He's like, Oh, like look here.
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And he like takes a photo of me.
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I'm in my bikini.
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I'm like, okay, that's fine.
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But then he posts it on his close friend's story.
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Now he told me he had his ex blocked, right?
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Like he was like, Oh, she was terrible.
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I hate her block drop of everything.
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But his close friend's story had all of his ex's best friends on there.
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And so he knew exactly what he was doing.
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I remember when he posted that, Like I didn't feel good about that because I was like, first of all, we're not even official yet.
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And also, why are you posting a bikini photo of me on your close friends?
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Like that's a little weird.
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And then let me tell you, the next day he shows me this Instagram story that his ex posted.
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It says something like his new girlfriend is laughing with him thinking that she won in life.
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Now we both look like idiots or something like that.
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I'll like put it here somewhere.
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Like it was some generic like quotes story, which is also kind of like sus.
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but anyway that's not really a girl's girl type of energy
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but anyway like I get it she was she was probably hurt
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but she posted that on her story and then he somehow saw it
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so he shows it to me
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and he's like starts laughing he's like oh like look what my ex posted
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and I was like why do you even have her on Instagram like I thought you said you blocked her
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and he was like oh I did block her
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but my friend sent me this it's because she saw the story I posted of you like yesterday and I was like, are you kidding me?
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Guys, this man was using me to make his ex jealous.
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And two things can be true.
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I think at the time he was interested in me and he genuinely wanted to be in a relationship with me, but also you dragged me into a mess with you and your ex that I never signed up for.
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Like, why did you think it was okay to put me in the middle of your guy's little game?
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Like, I don't want to be part of that.
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And when that happened, I didn't feel good.
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I didn't feel good, but I just Overrid my intuition.
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I was like, I know something's wrong here, but it's because I wanted to be chosen
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so badly I wanted to be in a relationship so badly And
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so that's my point right like the more you chase people
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who are okay with hurting you Disrespecting you using you the more you abandon yourself in that process
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Your attachment goes deeper than the person
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so a lot of times you're not actually attached to them When I think about those friends or that relationship, I wasn't attached to them as a person.
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They were not good friends They were people who did not treat me well, but I was attached to feeling chosen feeling wanted I was attached to validation just having somebody
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and not being alone I was always thinking about potential like
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the potential of this person to be better I also had a deep fear of abandonment
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and a lot of times guys that fear of abandonment You think
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that you don't have it but trust if you are a people pleaser
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if you have trouble setting boundaries
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If you allow people in your life to constantly disrespect you betray you It's probably because you have this wound of abandonment.
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Let me tell you the cold hard truth.
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The people you allow into your life reflects how you see yourself.
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That's why letting go of these people who don't treat you well, it's painful.
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Because it actually activates wounds that existed way longer before that friendship, that relationship started.
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I always talk about this a lot, but the real ones already know my backstory.
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Like I grew up in a very unstable childhood and I grew up with an alcoholic, narcissist, very neglectful father.
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And so my whole life, all I knew was instability.
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And so that caused me to crave love and crave approval, wanting to feel chosen and feel safe for once.
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And also when you grow up like that, your self-worth gets like distorted.
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I did not have self-worth growing up at all because I never learned it from my parents.
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So I learned to tolerate disrespect, tolerate terrible friendships, tolerate being used in relationships, tolerate people that didn't treat me well.
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And the thing that I had to be honest with myself was my self-worth was
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so low that I would rather be chosen by someone that didn't treat me well than be abandoned.
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Hi, Leo.
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mama is filming mama's filming
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and this past year i made arguably like two of the
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hardest decisions i've ever had to make in my life i cut off my dad i got out of
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that relationship that i was in for five years i am doing the inner work on my self-worth
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so that i never allow myself to be treated
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that way ever again i'm not letting another person define my worth i'm defining it for myself.
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And you know what like the crazy part of all of this is, is like before I went on this whole healing journey and like learning to love myself, learning all these new things about myself,
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learning about my traumas and wounds and all that, I like thought I was a confident person.
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You know, I had like my dream glow up.
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I lost weight.
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I built a platform.
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I became successful.
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And you know, I finally had money, like all these things that I never had before.
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And so I genuinely thought like, I'm up like, and on the surface level, like you guys might look at my life and think that, you know, I'm up.
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But the people that I was surrounding myself with, the people I allowed into my life, I let them use me.
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I let them disrespect me, drain me, treat me terribly.
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And this is just what you have to swallow.
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You need to realize
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that the people you keep fighting to keep in your life is a reflection of how you see yourself.
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So if you continue to keep relationships in your life that are draining you, people who are disrespecting you, that is how you see yourself.
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And so before you develop this super close friendship
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or get into a relationship before you do any of
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that You need to do the inner work first
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and love yourself first Stop holding on to things
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and people who are not meant for you Stop making people a priority when they treat you like an inconvenience
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Listen to that one more time.
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Okay Stop making people a priority that treat you like an inconvenience
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Because the longer
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that you hold on to people who are not meant for you the less room you make for people
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and opportunities that are meant to be in your life.
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And I am your proof of this, okay?
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When I was in that relationship, guys, like the life was being sucked out of me, okay?
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I was constantly supporting this person emotionally, financially, mentally.
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I was draining and draining myself, pouring into this other person.
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And it's because I was so afraid of being alone.
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I was so afraid of this person abandoning me that I was willing to constantly abandon myself.
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But guys, the way that relationship ended, it broke my heart.
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And I could tell you right now, it was the best thing.
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And I don't wanna get into details of how that relationship ended because that is not important.
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Just know that the way that relationship ended, like my heart was broken, like shattered.
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I didn't think I would ever recover.
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I was so heartbroken.
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But looking back, I'm so grateful that happened because that happening forced me to gain space, space to actually heal, space to actually pour into myself,
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to become confident and stop depending and loving people who weren't treating me right in the first place.
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It gave me the space to learn how to be alone and actually enjoy it.
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And I was just pouring back into myself, my routines, my healing, my relationship with God, my purpose.
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Like, I feel like you could just tell radiating off of me, like I am a different person than I was just six months ago.
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When all of your energy is going into carrying another person, fixing another person, you are blocking your blessings.
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You are blocking your own growth.
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And like another perfect example of this is like this video that you're watching right here.
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I I genuinely would have never made a video like this
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just like a year ago I would have never made a video like this
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if it wasn't for that breakup that I went through
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and also cutting off my dad Like those were traumatizing things
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that changed my brain chemistry But also in a good way
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because now i've been inspired to make videos like this to inspire
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and help those of you who are going through The same things
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and like to help you get through the pain that you're in
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and i've gotten so many comments from you already Like saying how much of a glow
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that I have and it's because all
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that energy I was pouring into all of these people that never ever poured into my cup.
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I'm putting all that energy back into me and when I tell you my life has changed, changed for the better.
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Stop over explaining yourself.
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Look, stop writing those double space, a Times New Roman size 12 font, long essay paragraphs, trying to make this person understand why they hurt you and trying to prove your worth.
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And I'm telling you this from experience, okay?
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The amount of essays I've wrote to people who have treated me terribly, trying to make them understand, trying to make them change,
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A waste of my time a waste of my time Like
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I said many times before people who genuinely care about you don't need to be taught
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or explained how to treat you Right people who genuinely care about you They care
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that they hurt you and they won't gaslight you and manipulate you
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and make you feel crazy for what they did wrong One really hard thing
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that I had to accept is that people who are committed to misunderstanding you will misunderstand you no matter what, no matter how well you explain yourself.
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And I had to learn this recently in a lot of different painful ways.
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Like I'm very much scratching the surface of a lot of these painful relationships that I've experienced, but I had a person or people who I used to be very close to
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and I trusted and I gave so much of myself to people that I had done, would have done and done anything for.
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As soon as I stopped giving them access and stopped letting them treat me that way, They turned around and completely painted me as the villain, said very hurtful things, smeared my name,
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rewrote stories, trying to make them look like the good person.
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And this might get a little deep, but look, if you grew up around overt or covert narcissists, if you've been friends with one, if you've dated one, had family members like that,
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friends like that, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.
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They will gaslight, manipulate, paint you as the villain and make themselves look like the victim.
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And so one of the hardest parts of my healing journey was actually accepting that.
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You know, these people who have hurt me and they're going around saying whatever about me, smearing my name, doing that, like doing this, that, and the third, making me seem like the villain,
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like that used to hurt me so much.
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But now I've realized that I don't need to be understood by everybody.
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I know my experience.
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I know my reality.
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And I don't need to keep trying to defend myself, explain my intentions to people who benefit from misunderstanding me.
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Some people need to paint you as the villain because otherwise they would have to take accountability for how they treated you.
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And one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn in
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like leveling up my life is true closure is not always someone else finally understanding your side
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and finally admitting that they're wrong.
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A lot of times closure is just accepting that they will never do that, but forgiving them for yourself, not for them, for you,
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for your peace so that you can move forward and move on because you know yourself, you are so sure of yourself and your character that they can paint you however they want,
383
but you are so sure of yourself that it does not matter what they think.
384
Put all that energy back into yourself.
385
So imagine if all that energy that you spent stalking their page, overthinking, crying over them, replaying conversations in your head, trying to prove your worth.
386
Imagine if all of that went into your routines, your growth, your healing, your peace, alone time.
387
I'm telling you that energy shift will change your life.
388
Take it from me.
389
Ever since I did that, my life has leveled up for the better.
390
When I stopped trying to prove my worth to people who never saw it in the first place, my life has leveled up.
391
And truly the best way to focus on yourself and level up your life is actually tracking where your energy is going.
392
And so that's why I started documenting my entire healing journey on Cove.
393
Like there is just pages and pages of like journal entries, notes, like me ranting, brain dumping.
394
And look, My healing journey, it's not always cute and aesthetic, okay?
395
I posted many photos and videos of me, like, screaming, crying, sliding down the wall.
396
But documenting and tracking it has been so, so helpful.
397
And Cove is by far the best tool because this is where I literally keep everything.
398
Like, all my thoughts, my brain dumps, my goals, ranting, like, anything that I'm working through, trying to heal.
399
It is, like, basically my brain on paper.
400
And I just wanted a place to save all my memories and brain dump when I wanted to.
401
but a safe space away from social media.
402
So I don't feel any pressure and I could just be fully honest with myself.
403
And let me tell you guys, it has been so freeing to have a space like this.
404
And another thing that I love about it is like I can save tick tocks
405
or any videos
406
that really inspire me like
407
here's a perfect
408
example yeah
409
okay I don't want to be copyrighted
410
so only gonna show you a little snippet of
411
that not only can you journal save photos
412
and videos on cove you can also save links to anything
413
that helps you on your healing journey anything that you want to save
414
because the amount of tiktoks guys that i watch and i love
415
but i it's like out in the abyss i like it
416
but then it's like in the abyss i have no idea where
417
that tiktok is and here i'm going to show you guys how i do it
418
so this is a perfect example do not forget that
419
when you don't allow people to do whatever they want to
420
you you will always be the villain in their story
421
and you have should be okay with that
422
when you have clock it um
423
so yeah i love what this girl said she is spitting facts
424
and she's absolutely gorgeous so
425
if i want to save this all i have to do is go here go to more
426
and then hit cove and then my memory is saved
427
and then i just choose which cove to add it in
428
so i'm going to add it into my healing journey cove
429
and then voila so then You can just click it and it goes directly into
430
The dick talk I had so many tick tocks and youtube videos
431
and podcasts clips of like quotes and things like that
432
That have helped me on my healing journey And
433
so cove has literally been the goat
434
because I could literally save everything on there But yeah what you will notice if you document your level up journey
435
Whether it's on cove
436
or your notes app your photos app the moment You stop directing all of your energy outward
437
and focusing on them and start directing it inward and reflecting on yourself working on bettering yourself,
438
reflecting, processing, that's when things will actually start to shift in your life.
439
And look, your life is not gonna change overnight.
440
Like you're gonna have to put in the work
441
and it's gonna take some time to heal and get to a place where you are fully detached from that friendship, that relationship, that family member.
442
But I promise if you continue to be focused on your journey and track it and stay on track, you will overcome it.
443
So yeah, if you wanna try out Cove, I'm gonna have it linked in my description, but whether it's Cove or your notes app, whatever it is, I highly, highly recommend that you track your progress.
444
Silence is the biggest power move.
445
So take it from your big sis.
446
Do not post to try to prove something.
447
Do not try to make this person jealous.
448
Do not announce your glow up that you're doing well off without them.
449
The biggest flex that you could do is actually to completely disappear.
450
And I'm not saying that you don't post ever, but just to not post with that friend in mind, that relationship in mind.
451
But going ghost a little bit, like taking a little break from posting all the time and rebuilding yourself quietly and privately.
452
I think there's like such a beautiful thing about
453
that rebuilding yourself privately and you need that
454
and even for me like my job is social media
455
but I still took a good amount of time off to actually work on myself privately
456
and that was the best thing I ever did
457
because social media it's a lot of opinions and noise
458
and distracting and so when you get rid of all of
459
that you can put all of your focus
460
and attention on yourself real growth is quiet and look I know it's hard to hear.
461
Okay.
462
When I was like in the midst of my pain and sorrow, I wanted to be messy.
463
Oh my gosh.
464
The amount of times like after a friendship breakups or relationship breakup, whatever, I wanted to be messy and sub people and say something, expose something, whatever.
465
But the real healing and glow up in my life only happened
466
when I stopped trying to portray a glow up
467
and a perfect life and that I'm up and actually put in the work to get there.
468
You know, that's It's like true rich people like people who are really
469
really rich like they got wealth They do not need to be dripped down in Chanel
470
and Gucci every single day and holding stacks of money everywhere They go to prove that they're rich,
471
you know, this goes for people in happy relationships people in truly happy Successful relationships.
472
They don't need to post how happy their relationship is all the time
473
True healed unhurt people don't need to be subbing the people that hurt them Let yourself grieve, but do not stay there.
474
You can miss someone, you can love someone, but still know that they're not good for you.
475
And true healing doesn't mean pretending like you don't care at all.
476
It just means you need to accept reality instead of their potential.
477
And I'm gonna be honest, guys, I hate, well, hate is a strong word.
478
I strongly dislike a lot of the advice that's out there for women, especially online, because they always say things like, why do you care what they think?
479
They don't pay your bills.
480
You need to level up so hard so that they regret losing you.
481
Like, I'm sorry.
482
That is just like Delulu.
483
And also, in my opinion, terrible advice.
484
Because if your entire healing journey is trying to prove them wrong and prove your worth, you're still centering your life around them.
485
And people treating you right doesn't mean they have to pay your bills.
486
It means they respect you.
487
They value you.
488
They treat you well.
489
It's not all about money.
490
But anyway, true detachment from that relationship, from that friendship, from that family member, that comes when you stop centering your life around them.
491
You stop checking if they watched your story.
492
You stop wondering if they miss you.
493
You stop hoping that they regret it.
494
The real healing happens when you improve yourself and you stop keeping score.
495
And that's something hard.
496
And that's a hard realization that I had to learn because I was very much like, at first, my mindset was like, I want to get revenge on that person, blah, blah, blah.
497
Like, now that I'm a lot more healed, no, that's actually not true healing.
498
You should go to the gym because you feel good.
499
You should heal because you deserve peace.
500
You should level up because you want a better life.
501
Not centering any of that around them.
502
They are out of your life.
503
They are in the past.
504
It is time to look up.
505
Move forward.
506
They're down here.
507
You need to look up.
508
And it's so funny when I was like going through all my healing stuff the past six months, like something my brother would always tell me was leans.
509
Like my name is Lena.
510
My older brother calls me leans.
511
I would go to him like crying, sobbing, so sad, whatever.
512
He just look at me.
513
He'd go leans.
514
You need to look up.
515
Like you need to stop looking down and stop crying over this person that treated you a certain way.
516
Stop crying over how hurt you feel.
517
And you need to look up.
518
You need to look up at your potential.
519
You have the rest of your life to live.
520
And this pain, if you don't let it break you, it is going to build you.
521
So look up.
522
And so that's something I always tell myself.
523
And also you guys should tell yourself too.
524
Like you need to look up.
525
Your life doesn't end because someone in your life didn't treat you well and is now out of your life.
526
But at the same time, it's also important to feel it and cry and grieve.
527
And let me tell you, girl, I did a ton of that.
528
I did a ton of that.
529
I cried almost every single day for like months.
530
It was terrible, but I got it out.
531
I got it out.
532
And that helped me process so much as well as journaling and Cove and all that.
533
But when you cry and grieve it and process it, you stop returning to something and someone that keeps hurting you.
534
And I'm telling you this from experience, like all those people that have hurt me in my past, I'm not fully healed, but I'm in a very, very much way more healed state.
535
And I would never, ever allow those people in my life
536
that treated me like that to ever treat me like that ever again.
537
Become someone the old version of you would be proud of.
538
So your main goal shouldn't be to get revenge.
539
Your goal shouldn't be to make them regret losing you.
540
The real level up is you becoming so healed, so disciplined, so peaceful, so confident,
541
so aligned that you no longer recognize the version of yourself that begged for bare minimum love.
542
And the real win honestly is when you're able to feel good about yourself without putting the other person down.
543
Like I'm up, they're down, like they're down bad.
544
They're terrible.
545
They suck.
546
They're doing horrible in life.
547
Like you don't need to do that.
548
You are just so up that you're, you never look down.
549
You never look down at where they're at.
550
You don't, you don't care where they're at.
551
You don't care who they're with.
552
You don't care how many friends they have.
553
It just, It just doesn't matter because you are so up.
554
You are so elevated.
555
You are so aligned with what God has for you.
556
You do not care.
557
I really, really hope this video helped.
558
I know I have a couple videos like this, like let them lose you, let them miss out on you.
559
But it's because this topic is a very passionate topic of mine right now.
560
And yeah, if you guys have any other suggestions on what you want me to talk about, anything you want me to give advice about, anything you need help with, let me know.
561
By the way, make sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok.
562
I post daily on there and I love you guys so, so much.
563
And I hope to catch you in my next video.
564
Bye.
565
I'm going to find a way to go
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B1 speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Enter Your Level Up Era: Stop Chasing, Go Ghost, and Focus on You ✨”. This video has 565 sentences and 7484 words to shadow. The speech runs for 33:53. The speaker talks fast, about 221 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| heal verb | /ˈhiːl/ | To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure. |
| cove noun | /koʊv/ | A hollow in a rock; a cave or cavern. |
| disrespect noun | /dɪsɹɪˈspɛkt/ | A lack of respect, esteem or courteous behavior. |
| villain noun | /ˈvɪl.ən/ | A vile, wicked person. |
| genuinely adverb | /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/ | In a genuine manner; truthfully, truly. |
| glow verb | /ɡloʊ/ | To emit heat and light without a flame. |
| abandon verb | /əˈbæn.dən/ | To give up or relinquish control of, to surrender or to give oneself over, or to yield to one's emotions. |
| pour verb | /poɹ/ | To cause (liquid, or liquid-like substance) to flow in a stream, either out of a container or into it. |
| tolerate verb | /ˈtɑ.lə.ɹeɪt/ | To allow or permit without explicit approval, usually if it is perceived as negative. |
| drain noun | /dɹiːn/ | A conduit allowing liquid to flow out of an otherwise contained volume; a plughole (UK) |
| abandonment noun | /əˈbæn.d(ə)n.m(ə)nt/ | The act of abandoning, or the state of being abandoned; total desertion; relinquishment. |
| grieve verb | /ɡɹiːv/ | To cause sorrow or distress to. |
| bikini noun | /bɪˈki.ni/ | A brief, often minimalistic two-piece bathing suit worn by women, especially one that exposes the midriff and navel. |
| terribly adverb | /ˈtɛɹ.ɪ.bli/ | Very; extremely. |
| inspire verb | /ɪnˈspaɪə(ɹ)/ | To infuse into the mind; to communicate to the spirit; to convey, as by a divine or supernatural influence; to disclose preternaturally; to produce in, as by… |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| look up verb | /ˌlʊk ˈʌp/ | To have better prospects. |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| cut off verb | /ˌkʌt ˈɔf/ [ˌkɐɾ ˈɔf] | To remove by cutting. |
| get out of verb | To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of. | |
| grow up verb | To mature and become an adult. | |
| look down verb | To lower one's eyes; to direct one's look downwards. | |
| move forward verb | To cause to make progress. | |
| check in on verb | To pay a visit in order to monitor the health, security or safety of (someone or something). |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- You wanna know what the biggest flex is?
- It's letting people miss out on you.
- Why are you friends with me?
- Hey, can I help with the toll?
- At least can I help you with finding parking?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to be · used to hurt |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | you've actually leveled · has had · I've ever been |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | be left · be chosen · are meant |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who has · people who were · people who already |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 173 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, they're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: theirs /ðɛɚz/, aesthetic /ɛsˈθɛ.tɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, closure /ˈkloʊ.ʒɚ/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/
- Long words — get the stress right: genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, abandonment /əˈbæn.d(ə)n.m(ə)nt/, misunderstand /mɪs.ʌn.də(ɹ)ˈstænd/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, manipulate /məˈnɪp.jʊ.leɪt/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like heal, cove, disrespect.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.