Shadowing Practice: How to Detach, Stop Overthinking, and Level Up Your Life - Learn English Speaking with Video

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So I am about to really expose myself to you guys right now.

I cared way too much about what other people think way more than I like to admit or show.

And I know that because I've literally let other people's opinions control my mood, my behavior, my peace.

So for example, if I saw that someone I knew unfollowed me on Instagram and I was still following them, I would get butt hurt.

If I was on vacation, I would spend hours trying to take the perfect photo.

And if it wasn't good enough, I would retake it and retake it just so I would have the perfect photo to post on Instagram.

Let's say I'm grabbing a cup of coffee

and the barista taking my order is being rude to me for no reason when I was being nothing but nice.

Bro, that would keep me up at night.

My whole life, pretty much, I would literally bend over backwards, do kickflips, backflips, just for other people to like me.

I was so attached to whether if someone liked me with the amount of likes I got on a photo, the number of followers I had, and I was constantly comparing myself to everyone and their mom.

And I finally had to sit myself down and ask myself, Why am I giving people who I actually don't really give a s* about this much power over my peace?

And I finally realized if someone I barely cared about can ruin my entire mood for a whole week, I wasn't powerful, I wasn't confident, I was attached.

So as someone who was a retired, chronic people pleaser, I know a thing or two about how to genuinely detach and not give a crap.

So in this video, I'm gonna be teaching you how to actually master detachment

and take your power back so you are your most confident self.

If you're new here, hello, my name is Lina and I share all things leveling up and becoming your best self.

So if you're not already subscribed, what are you doing?

Kate, what are you doing?

Go subscribe right now.

What detachment is.

So to really understand what detachment is, you actually have to understand what attachment is.

And simply put, attachment is when your self-worth depends on an outcome that you cannot control.

And before I understood this, I genuinely thought that something was wrong with me

because the way I would attach to things and people and opinions so much, like I would take everything so personally.

So if you're like that too, I feel you.

Okay, you are not alone.

It is so much easier said than done to be like, oh, just be detached.

I'm someone who cares deeply about things and caring deeply about things is actually a really good trait.

It means you're very emotionally mature, but it's a problem when you get too attached to things.

So when you get attached to whether your crush likes you back or not, how many likes you get on a photo you post, if so-and-so answered your text or ghosted you,

you are attached and don't get me wrong, that is normal.

Please do not think anything is wrong with you or you're just like too sensitive.

Don't get mad at yourself, don't blame yourself.

You're just human.

Humans are wired for attachment.

We've been this way for thousands of years.

Okay.

We are all social creatures.

We all want to be loved.

We want to be accepted.

This is literally how we are all wired.

We want to feel accepted.

We want to feel good about ourselves.

We want to feel worthy.

And the problem with attachment is when you get too attached because when you're too attached, of course, you're going to feel anxious when Jeremy is not answering your texts.

If you found out your bestie, Patricia hung out with a bunch of people and left you out on purpose, you might be nervous to post a photo if you feel like it's not going to get enough likes.

But when you are attaching yourself to those things, you are actively giving away your power.

And it's so crazy because before I really learned about detachment, I thought I was a pretty confident person, you know, like, but honestly thinking back,

I wasn't, that was not real confidence because I was actively allowing my self-worth to be determined by other people.

When you care too much, you are seeking control.

So we're going to get into a few story times here because I'm about to expose myself to help you guys.

All right.

So story number one, there's this guy, let's call him buffoon ben okay

so this was actually a couple months ago this was before i actively decided to focus on myself

and focus on my healing right now i am talking to nobody's son not answering nobody's texts

and i feel great i'm protecting my peace

because i really just truly want to focus on healing okay

anyway buffoon ben he shows interest in me he tells all my friends

that he's really into me and i was like okay he's like not my usual type

but you know i don't have much dating experience my friends

are like just go on a date don't have any expectations like put yourself out there

and you know thinking back at the time i actually really did not want to

but i was really trying to push myself

and to put myself out there and

so i was like all right all right i'm open

so we're like texting back

and forth he has a great personality like conversations are flowing it's going great

and he's like let's hang out sometime whenever you're in my city

or if i'm in yours and i was like yeah i'm down

and one weekend i happened to be in his city for a work trip i got there on a thursday

and i posted that i was there

and of course this man wasted no time he slid up

instagram mdms was like oh my gosh you're here let's grab some food i can show you around

if you want like are you free i'm like cool yeah i'm free i'm free friday saturday

and sunday night just let me know

so it's friday night he does not text me back saturday

night he does not text me back sunday he does not text me back

and i'm leaving sunday night

so i'm like confused like hello like are my texts going

to outer space like why is this man not answering

and i was starting to get so anxious for some reason

and that sunday i double texted him look i know i know atrocious okay i usually don't like double texting.

I don't like texting in general.

So for me to do a double text, like crazy work, crazy work to any of you girlies who are waiting for a text from a guy.

If he's not texting you back, there's your answer.

You do not need to double text.

His phone isn't in the bottom of the Hudson river.

Okay.

He definitely got your texts.

His response being no response is the only response that you need.

And tell me why this guy that I wasn't even really into in the first place.

I was so attached every single day that passed by that he was not responding to me.

I was spiraling.

Okay, I was like, hello, is he not interested anymore?

Like did I do something?

Is something wrong with me?

First of all, not only did buffoon ben not respect my time Like he

did not bother to even shoot me a text back like hey i'm busy right now

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or i'm busy this weekend Like i'm sorry I can't actually see you

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or if he's just not even interested text me back be like actually I'm, not looking to hang out with anyone right now.

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Like i'm sorry just like anything something, you know

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But like why would you go out of your way to

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try to always message me try to always show your interest Tell other people you're interested and then finally when i'm like, okay, i'm down He's like poof gone ghost all of a

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sudden buffoon ben's thumbs are not working He doesn't know how to text anymore.

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Anyway, I was just getting so attached I was spiraling that whole weekend over a man.

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I didn't even want okay buffoon ben and it really ruined my weekends Like I hate to admit it, but it did and I remember talking about it with my friend

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and I was like I don't know why this bothers me so much and she looks at me She goes girl.

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Do you even want to date him?

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And I was like no I'm, not even interested in him like no then why do you care?

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You know, so through all

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that I had to learn to detach his lack of response towards me Shows number one he's disrespectful

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if he didn't think I was even worth a reply back like that's not energy

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that I want It's just revealing that he's an inconsistent person and I don't want that.

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I don't need

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that I don't need my self-worth to be defined by a

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buffoon I don't need my entire day my entire weekend to be ruined by a buffoon.

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Okay, so story number two exposing myself for being attached I'm not gonna name any names

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But I had basically found out

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that someone super close to me was basically talking down on

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my name They said I completely changed for the worse

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that I'm this shallow materialistic influencer who only cares about money and my looks and uses people.

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First of all, anyone who knows me personally knows one thing about me and what I love, I love hard.

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Okay?

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And I'm not gonna sit here and be like, I'm perfect.

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Like definitely not.

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I'm not perfect at all.

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I make a lot of mistakes.

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There are times I can be selfish like every other human, but overall I'm an extremely giving and selfless person.

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Like I financially support my family and not that it's even about money, but like I've been through a lot of things in my life.

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And for this person to tell other people that I'm this shallow influencer

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was such a disrespect to who I am as a person.

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Anyone that knows me, and I'm sure a lot of you guys who watch my videos, like I'm a very deep, sometimes very emotional person.

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Like shallow is not the word.

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I'm a lot of things.

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Shallow is not one of them.

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I do not play about the people that I love.

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I am a ride or die type of person.

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I've always been that way.

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That's how I was raised.

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And especially coming from this person who knew me for years through thick and thin.

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I was there for this person for them and all the close people in my life.

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I'm always supporting the people who I love around me through thick and thin.

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So for them to lie on my name and mischaracterize me, it was honestly so hurtful.

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It would literally bother me so much.

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It would keep me up at night because I was so frustrated.

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And I had to ask myself why I felt this way.

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I was like, why do you feel this way?

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Why is this keeping you up at night?

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Why are you stressed about this?

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And I realized I was attached to people's opinions about me.

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And this situation in particular was really hard on me

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because I hate when people mischaracterize me or when they like misunderstand my heart.

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I am definitely an over explainer.

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Like if I feel like someone is not understanding me, I always over explain.

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Or if I did something wrong, I always over apologize.

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And I learned from therapy that that is actually a trauma response.

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I over apologize, over explain.

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I always try to be heard.

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I always try to get the other person to understand.

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And through this situation, I had to learn the hard way.

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Okay.

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Because for some reason, I can never learn the easy way detachment is letting people misunderstand you

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because you know who you are you know what you bring to the table you are the one

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that has to sleep with yourself at night and sit with your thoughts

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and be alone with yourself

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and for someone who you showed love to showed your whole

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heart to for them to talk down on you reflects way more about them

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and not you because you get to lay your head peaceful at night

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and sleep deep sleep good knowing that you know who you are

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and i have to tell myself

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that regardless of what people are saying about me behind my back what people choose to believe about me.

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I'm the one that has to sleep with myself at night

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and I'm the one that experiences and is doing the things that I'm doing.

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I lay my head very peaceful at night knowing that I'm not a shallow materialistic influencer.

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And I had to accept like Lena, girl, you cannot get everyone and their mom to see you for who you really are.

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And that's okay.

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Cause the real ones like my family, my close friends, you guys, the people in my life that actually know me for me, they know who I am.

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They see my heart for what it is.

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So whenever you find yourself attached, you want to ask yourself why?

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Like, why do I feel this way?

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Don't let yourself just feel uncomfortable and anxious, ask yourself like, hmm, one layer deeper ask why?

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Because whenever you ask yourself that question, you always will figure out the reason.

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And there's always a deeper layer to it.

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Okay, this is my last story time.

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So this is actually back last year when I was apartment hunting in New York City for my dream apartment.

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A lot of you guys followed me through that journey.

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But basically, there was this one apartment that I was in love with.

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It was gorgeous.

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The views stunning.

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Like it was beautiful.

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It was big.

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And when I went to go see it, the real estate agent.

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I don't know who pissed in grandpa's cereal that morning I don't know

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if his grandkids were extra rude to him

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that day I don't know what was going on with this man

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But he had a stick up his butt Like I don't know what was wrong with him

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But he from the jump was rude Like his energy was off His vibes from the jump was just so off Anyway, I'm with my mom And he lets us up to the apartment And I'm looking at the apartment I'm like,

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wow, it's so beautiful I'm like filming it with my phone And mind you, this was like the fourth, fifth apartment that I saw in New York City

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There was like four or five other apartments I've seen

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And it's actually very normal for people to film the apartments

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that they're looking at because later they get to go back Look at the footage and be like, okay, this is the bedroom.

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I like this.

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It's really normal to film apartments I did

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that with every other apartment I toured no problem And so while i'm recording the rooms and stuff first of all, i'm not even getting him in the video Okay, he goes um, you should really tell people

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if you're filming in the apartment and I was like first of all It's not even his apartment.

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He's working for somebody.

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Anyway, I was like, oh like i'm so sorry The other apartments allowed me to film like I had no idea.

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He's like, yeah, well you should ask And I was like, okay.

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And so then I just put my phone away, assuming he's like not cool with it.

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He's like, you could film.

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And I was like, okay, like all that for what?

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Like you gave me all the attitude for what?

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But basically after he spoke to me like that, I was pissed, okay?

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Like I was so pissed off.

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And normally, I'm not gonna lie, I could be a little spicy sometimes.

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If I feel like someone is disrespecting me and being rude to me, like I have no problem giving an attitude.

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No problem, no problem at all.

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But in this case, like I really loved the apartment.

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I wasn't sure what to do.

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But in that moment, I felt it in my gut when he spoke to me like that, I was like, I need to get out of here.

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I need to get out of here.

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My mom was there too.

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And my mom also like doesn't speak English very well.

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So for him to say that to me, I don't know.

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It's just something about it.

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Like if it was just me there, it would be different.

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But the fact that my mom was there and he was speaking to me in that way, I already felt like when he saw us, he was putting us down.

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The minute he saw me and my mom, I felt him like look down on us.

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And so when he spoke to me like that, I felt it in my gut.

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I need to get out of here, but I was overriding my gut and I just stayed and I looked at the rest of the apartment, whatever.

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And he was just kind of rude to me very like yeah

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If you're interested you could email this and just being so unhelpful like being so rude So then I was like whatever, you know what?

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It doesn't matter that this guy was off the vibes were off.

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I really really want this apartment

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So I did everything I could to get this apartment

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So literally that same night I applied to

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that apartment any documents anything he needed for me I got

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that sent to him right away

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And for some reason every single time I sent him documents He would ask for more

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and then more and I was like bro like what else do you want to see?

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Do you want to know like my social security?

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I mean, he already had that.

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He had my social security number.

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I was like, what else do you want to see?

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Do you want to see my middle school yearbook too?

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Like, what else do you want from me?

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This man was asking for so many things that at that point I felt it.

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I knew in my gut that he did not want me at that apartment.

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Even through emails, he was being so rude and he was like ghosting me.

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Like I had to follow up, email him a bunch of times and he was dragging it along for weeks.

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And it was because I was attached to getting that apartment.

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I was trying to force an outcome that wasn't meant to be.

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And I remember I was so sad because I didn't get that apartment.

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He ended up giving it to somebody else obviously But

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that is such a blessing in disguise because now I live in this apartment

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and I love this apartment way more than that one Also, I got a way better deal on this apartment like it was over a thousand dollars cheaper for this apartment

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So it all ended up working out and I wasted

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so many weeks being so stressed out and

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so pressed about this old ass man That was pissing me off

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and being rude to me And I was taking it

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because I wanted this apartment so bad

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and I was just stressing myself out for no reason I did not have to do that The more you monitor others, the less you trust yourself.

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So when you're checking who unfollowed you, replaying conversations in your head, analyzing everyone's tone towards you, how they're looking at you, checking how many likes you got on a photo,

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trying to see if your crush likes you back, you are quite literally disrupting your peace by doing that.

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And not just that, you are actually subconsciously trusting yourself less.

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And something I actually had to realize about myself is that my low self-worth, it goes deep, okay?

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It literally stems from when I was a child, like growing up in a very traumatic abusive upbringing with a narcissistic alcoholic father I've always struggled with low self-worth and especially

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because growing up I was like not I don't know I

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was not conventionally attractive I mean I was a kid okay

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I was a kid I was still growing you know

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but I was just like never the pretty friend I was friends with the pretty friends

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and the guys that liked my pretty friends would use me

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and like try to be friends with me to get close to the pretty friends

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that was like my whole childhood I just didn't know better I didn't know

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that I was allowing other people to constantly determine my self-worth and that's why I couldn't be detached.

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And as I got older and going through all these experiences, like just recently, I realized how many people I let determine how I felt that day, how much worth I felt that day.

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And so because of my low self-worth from like childhood and having that all up until my adulthood, even today, I'm struggling with it.

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I'm trying to build my self-worth.

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I would attach myself to any sort of validation from other people.

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I became so good at monitoring people and seeing

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if they liked me seeing a tone shift I also became super social

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because I learned how to interact with people to get them to notice me

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and like me I would always be monitoring if someone liked me

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if they laughed at my joke if they wanted to be friends with me

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So in some ways it's been a good thing like I have a pretty social personality Like

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if you couldn't tell already like i'm very extroverted ever since I was young I was very socially aware,

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but as an adult it has made me painfully insecure and now those are things I'm unlearning in my adult years.

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And I have to realize that true confidence and self-worth, that comes from trusting yourself, trusting that you are enough.

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It's not what you bring to the table.

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It's not how social you are.

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It's not how many people laugh at your jokes.

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Like it is just you, you as a person, as you are, you are worthy.

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You need to trust that you got you.

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You don't need anybody else.

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You don't need anybody else to determine your worth for you.

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When you feel detached, dump it somewhere else.

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So one huge thing I've been doing recently to practice and master detachment is actually documenting my healing journey.

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And I've been documenting it pretty much every single day on Cove.

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I made my own little healing journey Cove.

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And I don't even wanna show you guys the full thing of this

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because it's like so raw and lots of trauma dumping, lots of journal entries, lots of me crying and spilling lots of tea.

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This I'll show you guys.

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I even have some photos of me and videos of me like crying in here.

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It's like a little embarrassing, but I'll do like video entries and literally talk to my camera, like crying, sobbing about the things that I'm healing from or like if I'm attached to something,

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if I'm like stressed out, I will literally just dump it in this healing journey cove.

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And this has really helped me to not spiral like in my head.

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This has really helped me so much

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because instead of spiraling in my own head and in my own thoughts or trying to text somebody to reassure me, to make me feel better,

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instead of trying to over explain myself like when I'm attached to something, I try to be self-aware whenever I feel like I can't detach from something

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and I'm trying to control or I feel hurt by something.

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Instead of letting it stay in here, I put it in here, okay?

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I put it all in here in my healing journey cove.

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And I think that really helps.

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Whenever you feel like you can't detach, instead of letting it sit in your brain, put it somewhere.

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Get it out of your body.

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Put it somewhere, anywhere.

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It could be in a healing journey cove like mine, or it can be in your journal.

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It could be in your notes app, wherever.

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As long as you don't keep it in here.

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And something about taking it out of your body and your brain and putting it somewhere else, you stop needing other people to validate your experience.

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You stop replaying conversations in your head.

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You stop trying to chase closure or trying to get someone to understand you

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because taking it out of here and putting it on paper or documenting it somewhere, it actually helps you process it so much more.

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So whether it's my app Cove or your journal or your notes app, the point is to just get your thoughts down so

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that they're not sitting and sticking in here because that's what's gonna keep you anxious.

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It's gonna keep you mentally and emotionally attached.

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And I'm telling you, if you do this and you do this constantly, you are going to master detachment.

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You don't actually care about them.

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You care about what it means.

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So when someone unfollows you on Instagram for no reason, just think about what your reaction is.

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Just think about it.

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Think about it for a second.

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Notice how your brain doesn't go, oh, maybe they're just cleaning up their feet.

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No, you don't think that way.

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You immediately go inward.

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You start spiraling.

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Did I do something wrong?

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Do they hate me?

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Am I losing relevance?

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Is it my content?

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Am I not enough?

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Why don't they like me?

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And suddenly, it's not just about a little unfollow.

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You are making an unfollow button your whole identity.

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And typically, the attachment isn't even to the person.

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It's the story that you concoct in your head that you attach to their behavior.

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Because if someone is unfollowing you for no reason, that is on them.

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You know, they have their reasons

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and it's not your job to pick apart your brain to figure out why they did that, you know?

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But the reason why we do that is because our brains, we hate uncertainty.

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I hated the fact that I wanted this apartment so bad

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and I needed to move in within a few weeks and this old man was not answering my emails.

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And because our brains and our body hates uncertainty so much because it makes us feel anxious, our brains start thinking the craziest things to fill in the blanks.

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And every time, without fail, your brain is gonna pit yourself against you.

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Even when it is not a you problem.

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But here's the truth that I learned that honestly really freed me.

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Their decision was theirs.

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Their reason is theirs.

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Their perception of you, it's theirs.

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And honestly, most of the time, it has nothing to do with you.

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But as humans, our ego, it wants to make it about you because our ego wants control.

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So that's why detachment is so important

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because you are actively bringing your power back from giving it to that other person to taking it back for yourself.

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So when you master detachment and you don't make everything about you and you don't attach everything to your self-worth, you see Sally unfollowed you and you're like,

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oh, I didn't even do anything to deserve that unfollow.

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Whatever, okay, I'm just gonna hit unfollow back.

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And you know, it really is not that deep.

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It really isn't that deep.

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And whenever I would hear advice from other girls about detachment, they'd be like, you need to detach because who cares about this person?

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They don't pay your bills.

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Like they don't do anything for you.

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And like, yeah, that's true, but it's easier said than done to just be like, they don't pay my bills, so I'm gonna detach.

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Like, you know, it's not that simple.

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You could still feel away, feel a little hurt, but still detach.

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Detachment isn't pretending that you don't care at all, but it's just refusing to believe a negative story about yourself because of someone else's actions that you can't control.

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What you can control are your own actions.

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Try to be the best person you could be.

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Be a good person.

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That's why I say my mission every day is not to be a perfect person, but to strive every day to be the best version I can be and choosing decisions that align with that goal.

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So if you are doing that and you are living in your truth

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and you are genuinely just trying to be a good person and be a good influence to people around you, to the people you love.

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You're not trying to hurt anybody, snake anybody.

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That's when you can fully detach from other people and outcomes because you know you're gonna be good.

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You're gonna be fine.

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And I'm gonna be honest, guys.

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I used to unfollow people to be petty.

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Take me to jail.

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I know, I know.

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I was that person.

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I would unfollow or block people to be petty all the time.

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If I found out anyone was doing me dirty, if they talk crap about me, if they didn't treat me well, if they were like giving me an attitude or something,

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I would hit unfollow with the quickness, with the quickness and I would make sure that they're still following me too

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just to be extra petty you know well actually recently I had unfollowed a lot of people in my life

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but I also had them unfollow me back

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so they're not seeing my stuff

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and for the first time in my life it was not to be petty

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and it wasn't to be mean it wasn't to feed my ego

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and be like I'm better you know like they're still following me

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and I'm not following them it was genuinely about protecting my peace

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if someone chooses to believe a mischaracterization of me if someone tries to decide who I am based on a rumor, a narrative, their own projection.

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It is not my job to chase their understanding, to convince them, to over explain, to tell them my side, to clarify.

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It is not my job to do that to someone who is committed to misunderstanding me.

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So unfollowing those people, it was genuinely to protect my peace

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and it's no hard feelings because I realized I was

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so attached to trying to be seen the right way in front of these people that it was making me post differently.

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Like it was making me post to try to prove a point.

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And mind you, like I'm a content creator.

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Like I should be posting for you guys.

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Like I should be posting to help you guys.

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I'm here trying to prove these people wrong.

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These people who are choosing to mischaracterize me anyway, like why am I trying to post for them?

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So that's why I unfollowed them to protect my peace.

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And I also had them unfollow me too, because they don't need to see my stuff.

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And if they go out of their way to see my stuff, then okay, see what you want to see.

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And so when I truly detached, I stopped trying to curate my life and post for an audience that no longer belongs in my life.

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Confusing validation with safety.

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So detaching is basically trying to retrain your nervous system to feel safe without approval.

419

This is something I realized recently

420

because I had to learn through a lot of trauma and therapy that my need for validation ran so deep.

421

Okay.

422

It's like a little embarrassing to admit this, but I'm going to, I'm gonna share it with my girls because if it helps just one of you out there, like I will embarrass myself.

423

So like I said, I already gave you guys like context about my chaotic unstable upbringing

424

which contributed to my low self-worth but another wound

425

that i've realized about myself is that

426

because i never felt conventionally attractive growing up my whole life

427

like for example in my family like they would always compliment

428

my brother okay my brother he's like the 6'2 very handsome korean man like he's always been tall

429

and athletic all the aunties would always be like june is

430

so good looking you know blah blah blah blah

431

and i never heard those comments growing up never never they would comment about my cheeks

432

and how cute my cheeks were but like in terms of like attractiveness

433

and stuff like I never felt that way growing up

434

and also I think it's

435

because I was a tomboy growing up too where I wasn't used to male attention

436

or just like having guys like like me and then on top of

437

that my horrible relationship with my dad like

438

that contributed to my unhealthy relationship with men too

439

but basically as I got older and then I started you know losing weight

440

and getting more conventionally attractive I guess I'm not gonna sit here

441

and be like i'm the prettiest girl in the world like no

442

but i noticed people treating me differently because of the way

443

that i looked and guys treating me differently because of the way

444

that i looked especially after getting out of a five-year relationship

445

where my self-worth was like to the ground i was posting like i was single

446

and you know trying to be like i'm up i'm glowed up i'm this i'm

447

that whole time i was like i was not doing well mentally

448

but um i was overcompensating i was overcompensating

449

and posting on instagram like i was up you know

450

and posting like i was a single girl living my best life

451

and I would get a lot of DMs from guys

452

and guys started following me and messaging me and liking my photos

453

and DMing me and liking my stories and whatnot

454

and this was a tension that I wasn't used to

455

and I was seeking validation through these guys like on my Instagram

456

that were telling me that I was pretty

457

and you know giving me attention and validation and all that

458

and genuinely it's not because I wanted to date any of them I was just craving validation

459

because my self-worth was so low.

460

So literally when I say I'm so committed to mastering detachment

461

and like so committed to building my self-worth so that it is unbreakable,

462

I recently prayed to God and he really revealed to me that the main source that filled my emptiness inside was validation.

463

So let me tell you guys, after I realized this and God revealed to me

464

that validation really controls me and was the root of a lot of my trauma, I was trying to fill this empty hole with validation instead of God.

465

Girl, it's like my eyes opened and then I cut off as much validation as I could.

466

Like, I went on my Instagram.

467

I unfollowed guys that were messaging me and made them unfollow me too.

468

And it's no hard feelings.

469

Like, I have no hard feelings towards them and they were all like nice, I guess.

470

But anything I can get validation from, even like a message, even a like, like I'm just in such a sensitive place right now where any sort of validation that's not true self-worth, I don't want it near me.

471

And so I'm not telling you guys to go and unfollow a bunch of people.

472

Like, that's not what I'm trying to say

473

but i'm just telling you guys from my experience like what

474

i'm specifically going through i literally had to go on an unfollowing spree with some guys

475

that were giving me attention while single

476

because i didn't want it to control me

477

and my self-worth like i want to be so detached

478

that i do not care if i get a message from so-and-so

479

or if they like a photo of me or

480

if they think i'm pretty you know

481

and this also goes the same for even the content

482

that i'm posting a lot of you guys like have noticed

483

that i've been doing a lot more talking videos it's because i genuinely love to to do it.

484

I genuinely love to provide value for you guys.

485

Like I realized that that is a huge passion of mine

486

and coming from someone who built my platform off of like vlogs and fitness and like working out, it's a big transition to go from that,

487

like all the vlogs and entertaining stuff to just me sitting here and yapping with a mic in front of my mouth, you know, like, and at first when I was doing a lot more talking content,

488

I did get a lot of negative comments saying they're tired of these talking videos

489

that I'm always talking about the same things all the time

490

and stuff and they had a point they had a point they cooked with

491

that they cooked with that because

492

that did help me realize i need to talk about other things

493

that i was afraid to talk to like this video right here

494

but i was also really afraid of you guys not liking these type of videos like me talking

495

and sitting here in front of a camera

496

and yapping my mouth away i was like they're not gonna

497

like this content they're not gonna like me anymore like they're

498

not gonna watch anymore i'm going to fade off into irrelevance

499

and then like my mind starts spiraling right i'm like oh i won't be successful anymore

500

and then i won't be able to provide for myself i won't be able to provide for my family anymore.

501

Like all this stuff.

502

And I'm like going in these negative cycle loops.

503

And then I realized, girl, stop and detach.

504

You have to detach.

505

So that's exactly what your girl's doing now.

506

Sitting here filming this video for you guys.

507

You will never feel powerful while always seeking permission.

508

So basically, if you need everyone to like you, everyone to understand you, everyone to validate you, you will never experience true freedom.

509

You will never be your most confident, most powerful self.

510

And that is just simply the truth.

511

But like I said, it's easier said than done.

512

Like detachment is very hard.

513

It's a very hard thing to master.

514

I have not mastered it yet.

515

Okay.

516

I feel attached a lot to a lot of things

517

and I have to constantly check myself and post in my healing journey cove when I'm spiraling.

518

So mastering true detachment is not about never caring and being so powerful all the time, being perfect.

519

It's just about being self-aware that

520

when you realize you are being attached to something to be able to self-reflect and ask yourself, why is this bothering me?

521

And when you understand the why, it's going to help you detach so much more.

522

Mastering detachment is all about having a relationship with yourself and knowing and realizing your own self-worth and detaching yourself from outcomes.

523

Because even with my New York City apartment situation, like I only had two weeks left to find an apartment or else I did not have an apartment to live in.

524

Instead of just trusting that things are going to work out for me, I was trying to control and control.

525

And so when you learn to truly detach from, if you got rejected from your dream school, if your crush doesn't like you back, if Sally is leaving you out of the friend group,

526

if your boss isn't treating you well, those are all things that when you detach from them, that's when you'll experience true freedom and true confidence.

527

So yeah, I feel like this video was a million years long.

528

I really hope it helped.

529

And if you're a real one, make sure you follow me on Instagram and TikTok.

530

I post a lot more on there.

531

And if you actually watched to the end, comment down below this emoji so I know that you're a real one and watch the end.

532

And I love you guys so, so much.

533

And I hope to catch you in my next video.

534

Bye.

535

Yeah.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This video has 535 sentences and 6910 words to shadow. The speech runs for 28:01. The speaker talks fast, about 247 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 less common words from the video, with pronunciation and meaning:

validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/ (noun) — The act of validating something.
heal /ˈhiːl/ (verb) — To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure.
rude /ɹuːd/ (adjective) — Lacking in refinement or civility; bad-mannered; discourteous.
genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/ (adverb) — In a genuine manner; truthfully, truly.
cove /koʊv/ (noun) — A hollow in a rock; a cave or cavern.
anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/ (adjective) — Nervous and worried.
shallow /ˈʃæloʊ/ (adjective) — Having little depth; significantly less deep than wide.
attachment /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/ (noun) — The act or process of (physically or figuratively) attaching.
bother /ˈbɑðɚ/ (verb) — To annoy, to disturb, to irritate; to be troublesome to, to make trouble for.
outcome /ˈaʊtkʌm/ (noun) — That which is produced or occurs as a result of an event or process.
actively /ˈæktɪvli/ (adverb) — In an active manner.
trauma /ˈtɹɔm.ə/ (noun) — Any injury to the body of a living thing.
attach /əˈtæt͡ʃ/ (verb) — To fasten, to join to (literally and figuratively).
monitor /ˈmɑ.nɪ.tɚ/ (noun) — Someone who watches over something; a person in charge of something or someone.
ruin /ˈɹuː.ɪn/ (noun) — The remains of a destroyed or dilapidated construction, such as a house or castle.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

grow up (verb) — To mature and become an adult.
get out of (verb) — To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of.
come from (verb) — To have as one's origin, birthplace or nationality.
find out (verb) — To discover, as by asking or investigating.
get on (verb) — To board or mount (something), especially a vehicle.
look at (verb) — To observe or watch.
think about /ˈθɪŋk əˌbaʊt/ (verb) — To ponder.
ask for (verb) — To request; to order.

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 220 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, theirs /ðɛɚz/, thin /ˈθɪn/, thick /θɪk/, worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, shallow /ˈʃæloʊ/, crush /kɹʌʃ/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
Long words — get the stress right: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like validation, heal, rude.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result	If I was on vacation, I would spend · if it wasn't good enough, I would retake · if I'm like stressed out, I will literally
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on	I've been doing · I've been documenting
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	We've been · I've been · I've always been
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	was attached · be detached · are attached

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: How to Detach, Stop Overthinking, and Level Up Your Life - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

Grammar in this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?