Shadowing Practice: Mindset shifts that will help you detach instantly. (stop obsessing over them). - Learn English Speaking with Video
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You know what doesn't scream detached?
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Refreshing their stories.
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Stalking their Instagram.
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Babe, can we please be for real?
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The things that I'm about to tell you in this video have made people genuinely obsessed with me.
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People who I genuinely thought weren't interested in me.
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And I'm not saying that to guarantee you a certain outcome.
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I'm saying that because detachment isn't just a practice when you feel desperate.
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It's a lifestyle.
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Instead of the girl who's waiting on a text back, you will become the girl who doesn't even know if you want to text them back.
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This video is a no BS guide to detachment
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and everything I've learned and just things I wish I would have known when I felt really, really rejected.
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If you're new here, my name is Natalie.
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This is where I share ways I'm getting my shit together so that you can get your shit together.
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And this is one of those videos where I do specifically want to talk to the girlies about detachment.
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You know how like some guys just genuinely like don't care?
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It's not an act.
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Men are naturally programmed to be detached most of the time.
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When you really think about it, us girls are socially conditioned to care about everyone's emotions.
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And because we're so attached to other people and making sure that they feel okay, the second that we don't feel okay, we feel the need to escape.
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So whatever reason you're coming to this video, I want you to check in with yourself and ask yourself if you're trying to detach because you just feel hurt.
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Because in times where I felt really abandoned or the person that I loved didn't love me back, I wish I would have told that version of myself, like, you're gonna be okay.
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You are valuable.
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You are worthy.
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And also just like recognizing detachment is not learning how to not care.
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It's learning where to really direct that care.
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It's okay to be a girl with big feelings.
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What we don't want to do is shut down our emotions
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so much that we feel so disconnected from ourself that we actually end up repeating that trauma cycle with another person.
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Because in my own experiences, I've had it to where I've actually been the avoidant one when I used to be the anxious one in a relationship.
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And if you don't know what your attachment style is, I'm gonna link a free quiz in the description.
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This really helped me because it actually went into my attachment styles with my family,
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relationships, friendships, and it just gave me an overall scope of how I attach.
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First things first, I need you to understand that attachment is not love.
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We have literally been sold this fairy tale version of love where that person is supposed to be, you know, the love of our life, the center of our universe.
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But no, we're supposed to be the center of our universe.
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And that's not self-centered.
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That's just how it is.
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It's your life.
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You have free will.
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You exist.
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The mere fact that you exist is a blessing in of itself.
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So just because you exist, you genuinely deserve happiness.
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One thing you'll notice about magnets is there's polarity.
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We are often attracted to our opposites, things that mirror back certain parts of ourselves.
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When we're attracted to the more negative side of someone, it's because there's a part of ourself that's out of balance.
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So even if they were in more of their positive energy and you were in a negative more toxic energy, you guys will actually still repel each other.
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Y'all my audio cut out in this last section
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but I wanted to re-explain to you what this magnet analogy really means because it's really profound.
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Every single one of us has our own electromagnetic field.
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Imagine your emotions as magnets.
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When we become attached to people or outcomes or whatever we're attached to,
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it's because something in our magnetic field is disrupted by another person's energy.
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And this is the only way I can really describe it.
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So stick with me here.
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But basically on a quantum level in a magnet, electrons are actually arranged so their spins work together rather than just like randomly.
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This is why certain metals are attracted to a magnet
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because just as a magnet doesn't really choose like which metal objects it attracts.
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You don't necessarily choose what you're attracted to.
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Metals that are magnetic have electrons that usually have an uneven spin.
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This means that they have a charge and that charge is either positive or negative.
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Now, this literally doesn't mean positivity and negativity.
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It's not that.
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It's just a simple charge.
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All it means atomically is one electron is spinning one way or a different way.
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That's all it means.
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But this imbalance of electrons is what causes metals to be attracted to a magnet.
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When a magnet encounters metals with unbalanced electrons, there's immediate attraction.
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But the false promise is that that metal can't really bond with the magnet.
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This mirrors exactly how we're typically attracted to people, because oftentimes we assume that someone else is going to be our other half and that they are going to complete us,
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when in reality, we are off balance.
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What so many people don't understand about becoming magnetic, you don't play the game.
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It doesn't matter if you're positive or negatively charged.
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If you're charged, you are unbalanced.
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You're not going to be able to experience love to the fullest extent.
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Detachment is not learning to just not care.
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It's learning where to redirect the care you have.
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Because it doesn't matter which way you are charged, if you are charged and polarized, you are going to create chaos within yourself.
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So when you think of detachment, think of it like you're neutralizing your own magnetic field.
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Instead of feeling destabilized when you can't get what you want, Detachment makes us more effective in our lives so
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that we're able to engage with others without being consumed by
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our attachments I hope this kind of cleared things up
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and I hope I explained it in the same way I did the first time
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But back to the regular video And
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so this concept of attachment is trying to find your other half Detachment is realizing
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that you have everything you need right in front of you You are whole already When someone is showing disinterest in you,
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you are attracted to it because you are showing disinterest in yourself.
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Everything is a mirror.
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Everything that you experience, especially in your romantic life, is a direct reflection to how you feel about yourself.
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You wouldn't be so attracted to someone being emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, God forbid disloyal, girl,
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leave, if you truly saw how much of an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, courageous, loving woman you are,
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remember who you are, girl, stand up.
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You don't love them.
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You're attached to the attention that they used to give you and relied on it for external validation.
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But actually loving yourself is understanding that even in those times that you're crazy, even when you're not looking your best, even when you're crying, even when you're sad,
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even when you're angry, you are still worthy of love, respect, happiness, and good things.
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Sometimes we don't even recognize that we don't feel like we're worthy of good things.
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There is nothing wrong with you.
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Even because you're attracted to this, there is literally nothing wrong with you.
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It has so much to do with societal conditioning
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and the way we were raised and the fact that love just feels good, right?
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But oftentimes we don't actually know what love looks like.
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We weren't taught a model of love that actually sustains and supports who we are.
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We're taught that we have to compromise ourselves in order to love ourselves and that my love is not true.
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And so now that we got that out of the way
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and I really deciphered why you're in the mental state you're in, I'm going to give you some mindset shifts that have genuinely helped me so much in detachment.
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Step number one is to center yourself and I mean this emotionally as well.
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Like if you're in a state where you're not feeling safe, you need to allow space for your emotions that you're feeling.
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Go in your bed, cry, take a really nice shower,
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light a candle, clean your room do something that isn't necessarily associated
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so heavily with this person or situation even if it's not really something
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that serious like you might just be really crushing on someone watching this video
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or you might be going through an entire breakup whatever it is advice
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that people often say about detachment is to like oh just get really busy
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and while i do think
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that can help i also don't think hyper productivity actually addresses the root issue in that you don't feel lovable.
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Do things that make you feel lovable.
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If you want someone to surprise you with flowers, go and surprise yourself with flowers.
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If you want someone to write you a love letter, write yourself a love letter.
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If you want someone to give you a hug, if you're in bed crying, give yourself a hug.
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Listen, I don't care if you think that's desperate.
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I don't care if you think that's weird.
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I don't care if you think you're cringe.
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Because let me tell you something, when I was in this situation, I was trying to latch on to anything and everything
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that made me feel lovable except for my own love and because of
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that i devalued what my love really was it's like i
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was treating my love like it was on sale at ross's
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clearance rack babe you're louis vuitton right you're a birkin bag
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you are designer why are you selling yourself at a discount now
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that we've centered ourselves i need you to accept people as they are
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and place them where they belong in your life does this person even reciprocate you
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because i don't want you to live in a lie like
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that is the worst thing you could do for yourself
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if you're in a situation where you don't know if this person is prioritizing you.
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If you don't feel reciprocated, you must recenter yourself.
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A perspective shift that really helped me is understanding sometimes people don't have the capacity to love you like you love them.
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I saw this somewhere on the internet so I'm going to write it down for you.
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Imagine yourself as the big glass of water and then the person that you love is this little tiny teacup.
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When you pour into them, it's overflowing.
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They might even tell you sometimes, oh you're too much for me.
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The love that you give this person is so much it's almost overwhelming.
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And then when they pour back into you, since you're this big glass, it doesn't feel like enough.
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And that's not because they might not want to, it's just they don't have the facilities for it.
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They're a little teacup and you're a big full glass.
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You cannot expect to be loved by someone who never had the capacity to love you from the beginning.
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And so learning how to accept people as they are
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and place them kind of where they belong in my life
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allowed me to feel like I have my own say in the situation and that I'm not just being abandoned.
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Because oftentimes the reason why we start feeling super insecure, anxious, dysregulated is because naturally in a relationship or in a dating setting in general,
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we're seeking safety.
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We're seeking security.
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But love is not safe.
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I'm sorry, it's just not.
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Which brings me to the next mindset shift.
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Realize that at any point, anyone can leave you.
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And I know that might suck, but I'm not going to coddle your feelings.
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And the reason I say this is not to kind of rub things in your face, but it's to help you understand, wouldn't you want someone who stays?
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Wouldn't you want someone who doesn't have to be told what the right thing to do They just do the right thing.
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They just don't betray you.
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They just don't go behind your back.
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They just don't want to abandon you.
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They just don't want to hurt you.
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Wouldn't you rather have someone like that?
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If the one thing that's keeping you in a situation is the fear that you're not lovable,
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if this person leaves, you have been brainwashed into accepting below the bare minimum in order to feel lovable.
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And so if your fear is that you're not lovable if they leave, I believe it's the opposite.
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And it doesn't matter who leaves or what leaves because at the end of the day, you can leave this situation where it's at right now.
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You have the power to stop rehashing the situation in your mind right now.
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You don't have to stay left in the dark, waiting for a text in no contact.
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You don't have to stay in that.
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You can release yourself.
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You do not need closure.
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You do not need them.
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Which brings me into step number four.
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Start affirming the reality you want.
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I don't need them.
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They need me.
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Do this with anything, not even people, and you will become so extremely magnetic, it's actually insane.
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I'm not even kidding.
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Anything I wanted once I used this mindset shift has usually come within like a month of me just detaching, utilizing this.
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I don't need the money.
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The money needs me.
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I don't need the opportunity.
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The opportunity needs me.
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When you finally shift out of the energy of need, God, the universe, whatever you believe, gives you more because you're in the energy of flow.
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You're in the energy of gratitude.
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Think about it.
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If God sees you complaining about the current situation you're in
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yet you're staying you're not making room for abundance you're not
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making room for the person to come into your life better than before
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or a completely different person to come in you are not making room for what's meant for you
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if you're stuck clinging on to things
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and saying well i need this in order to be lovable what's going to happen
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and you might not be consciously realizing you're doing this but if anything i'm saying is resonating in this video, get out of journal.
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Start writing about it.
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Start asking yourself, what can I let go of?
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Sometimes we think we need to do more.
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Sometimes the solution isn't to do more.
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It's to understand that what you're already doing is enough.
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That you are enough just because you exist.
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And that doesn't mean that you don't have to put in any work if you want a certain opportunity.
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You got to put yourself in scenarios where you can be in that opportunity.
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But are you really going to find those opportunities if you're stuck doing the same exact thing,
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the answer is no. You need to be open to new things in order to move into new places.
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If you want true love, you need to let go of attachment because attachment is not love.
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And so the last piece I'm going to say on detachment is it's truly not just not caring
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or being nonchalant or playing some, I don't know, dating game.
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It's being so secure in yourself and knowing that you know how to love yourself, that when that love comes in, you'll know what to do with it.
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Because if someone came into your life right now and loved you the exact way that you wanted, you probably wouldn't be ready for them.
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You would probably find a way to get icked out by them
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because you're attracted to those negative qualities right now because you're ignoring the negative qualities within you, okay?
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So with that being said, you guys, I really hope this video gave some clarity.
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This is something that I've been kind of ruminating in on my life
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because YouTube's algorithm just did a big shift and
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so one thing I really want to ask of you guys is
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if you could please like this video and comment down below
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because the algorithm changed to focusing on community engagement more than subscribers
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or things like that so my videos aren't actually being recommended to my subscribers.
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So if you go ahead and turn my post notifications on, not only does it help me, but it helps you see my videos so I can further help you with my content.
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With that being said, besties, all of my links will be down in the description, including my Get Your Shit Together community.
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I love you guys so much.
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Stay safe and stay detached.
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Why practice speaking with this video?
The video titled "Mindset shifts that will help you detach instantly" offers a valuable opportunity for English learners to engage in a conversational and relatable context. By watching and practicing alongside this video, you can improve your speaking skills through the shadowing technique. This method involves mimicking the speaker's pronunciation, intonation, and rhythm, which can significantly enhance your fluency and confidence in English.
In this video, the speaker discusses the concept of detachment in relationships, a topic that many can relate to. This provides an excellent speaking context that allows you to practice expressing personal thoughts and emotions in English. By imitating the speaker, not only will you learn English with YouTube, but you'll also gain insight into how to discuss feelings and mindset shifts—a valuable skill for the IELTS speaking practice.
Grammar & Expressions in Context
As you watch the video, pay attention to the following key grammatical structures and expressions that can enhance your speaking repertoire:
- “You are valuable. You are worthy.” - This structure emphasizes affirmation and self-worth, which is powerful for personal expression.
- “It’s a lifestyle.” - Here, the speaker uses a simple present tense to convey ongoing relevance, making it a useful expression for discussing habits and long-term practices.
- “The mere fact that you exist is a blessing.” - This phrase uses “the mere fact” to underline importance and can be adapted to various contexts when making strong statements.
- “We are often attracted to our opposites.” - This discussion of attraction utilizes complex sentence structure, allowing you to express nuanced ideas when discussing relationships.
Common Pronunciation Traps
Throughout the video, you may encounter some tricky pronunciation aspects. Focus on these potential traps:
- “detach” - Pay attention to the vowel sounds. Ensure the 'e' is pronounced distinctly, avoiding blending with the following 't'.
- “exist” - The 'x' sound can be challenging, make sure to pronounce the ‘g’ sound fully at the end for clarity.
- “blessing” - This word often leads to mispronunciation; practice emphasizing the 'b' and 'ss' for a clearer delivery.
By incorporating these elements into your shadowspeak practice, you will not only learn English more effectively but also prepare for real-life conversations and academic settings. Remember, the key is to practice consistently and enjoy the process of learning!
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to be · used to give |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | are naturally programmed · are socially conditioned · is shut |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have made · I've learned · I've had |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | People who I · someone who never · someone who stays |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.