跟读练习: Mindset shifts that will help you detach instantly. (stop obsessing over them). - 通过视频学习英语口语
正在创建课程...
1
You know what doesn't scream detached?
2
Refreshing their stories.
3
Stalking their Instagram.
4
Babe, can we please be for real?
5
The things that I'm about to tell you in this video have made people genuinely obsessed with me.
6
People who I genuinely thought weren't interested in me.
7
And I'm not saying that to guarantee you a certain outcome.
8
I'm saying that because detachment isn't just a practice when you feel desperate.
9
It's a lifestyle.
10
Instead of the girl who's waiting on a text back, you will become the girl who doesn't even know if you want to text them back.
11
This video is a no BS guide to detachment
12
and everything I've learned and just things I wish I would have known when I felt really, really rejected.
13
If you're new here, my name is Natalie.
14
This is where I share ways I'm getting my shit together so that you can get your shit together.
15
And this is one of those videos where I do specifically want to talk to the girlies about detachment.
16
You know how like some guys just genuinely like don't care?
17
It's not an act.
18
Men are naturally programmed to be detached most of the time.
19
When you really think about it, us girls are socially conditioned to care about everyone's emotions.
20
And because we're so attached to other people and making sure that they feel okay, the second that we don't feel okay, we feel the need to escape.
21
So whatever reason you're coming to this video, I want you to check in with yourself and ask yourself if you're trying to detach because you just feel hurt.
22
Because in times where I felt really abandoned or the person that I loved didn't love me back, I wish I would have told that version of myself, like, you're gonna be okay.
23
You are valuable.
24
You are worthy.
25
And also just like recognizing detachment is not learning how to not care.
26
It's learning where to really direct that care.
27
It's okay to be a girl with big feelings.
28
What we don't want to do is shut down our emotions
29
so much that we feel so disconnected from ourself that we actually end up repeating that trauma cycle with another person.
30
Because in my own experiences, I've had it to where I've actually been the avoidant one when I used to be the anxious one in a relationship.
31
And if you don't know what your attachment style is, I'm gonna link a free quiz in the description.
32
This really helped me because it actually went into my attachment styles with my family,
33
relationships, friendships, and it just gave me an overall scope of how I attach.
34
First things first, I need you to understand that attachment is not love.
35
We have literally been sold this fairy tale version of love where that person is supposed to be, you know, the love of our life, the center of our universe.
36
But no, we're supposed to be the center of our universe.
37
And that's not self-centered.
38
That's just how it is.
39
It's your life.
40
You have free will.
41
You exist.
42
The mere fact that you exist is a blessing in of itself.
43
So just because you exist, you genuinely deserve happiness.
44
One thing you'll notice about magnets is there's polarity.
45
We are often attracted to our opposites, things that mirror back certain parts of ourselves.
46
When we're attracted to the more negative side of someone, it's because there's a part of ourself that's out of balance.
47
So even if they were in more of their positive energy and you were in a negative more toxic energy, you guys will actually still repel each other.
48
Y'all my audio cut out in this last section
49
but I wanted to re-explain to you what this magnet analogy really means because it's really profound.
50
Every single one of us has our own electromagnetic field.
51
Imagine your emotions as magnets.
52
When we become attached to people or outcomes or whatever we're attached to,
53
it's because something in our magnetic field is disrupted by another person's energy.
54
And this is the only way I can really describe it.
55
So stick with me here.
56
But basically on a quantum level in a magnet, electrons are actually arranged so their spins work together rather than just like randomly.
57
This is why certain metals are attracted to a magnet
58
because just as a magnet doesn't really choose like which metal objects it attracts.
59
You don't necessarily choose what you're attracted to.
60
Metals that are magnetic have electrons that usually have an uneven spin.
61
This means that they have a charge and that charge is either positive or negative.
62
Now, this literally doesn't mean positivity and negativity.
63
It's not that.
64
It's just a simple charge.
65
All it means atomically is one electron is spinning one way or a different way.
66
That's all it means.
67
But this imbalance of electrons is what causes metals to be attracted to a magnet.
68
When a magnet encounters metals with unbalanced electrons, there's immediate attraction.
69
But the false promise is that that metal can't really bond with the magnet.
70
This mirrors exactly how we're typically attracted to people, because oftentimes we assume that someone else is going to be our other half and that they are going to complete us,
71
when in reality, we are off balance.
72
What so many people don't understand about becoming magnetic, you don't play the game.
73
It doesn't matter if you're positive or negatively charged.
74
If you're charged, you are unbalanced.
75
You're not going to be able to experience love to the fullest extent.
76
Detachment is not learning to just not care.
77
It's learning where to redirect the care you have.
78
Because it doesn't matter which way you are charged, if you are charged and polarized, you are going to create chaos within yourself.
79
So when you think of detachment, think of it like you're neutralizing your own magnetic field.
80
Instead of feeling destabilized when you can't get what you want, Detachment makes us more effective in our lives so
81
that we're able to engage with others without being consumed by
82
our attachments I hope this kind of cleared things up
83
and I hope I explained it in the same way I did the first time
84
But back to the regular video And
85
so this concept of attachment is trying to find your other half Detachment is realizing
86
that you have everything you need right in front of you You are whole already When someone is showing disinterest in you,
87
you are attracted to it because you are showing disinterest in yourself.
88
Everything is a mirror.
89
Everything that you experience, especially in your romantic life, is a direct reflection to how you feel about yourself.
90
You wouldn't be so attracted to someone being emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, God forbid disloyal, girl,
91
leave, if you truly saw how much of an amazing, intelligent, beautiful, courageous, loving woman you are,
92
remember who you are, girl, stand up.
93
You don't love them.
94
You're attached to the attention that they used to give you and relied on it for external validation.
95
But actually loving yourself is understanding that even in those times that you're crazy, even when you're not looking your best, even when you're crying, even when you're sad,
96
even when you're angry, you are still worthy of love, respect, happiness, and good things.
97
Sometimes we don't even recognize that we don't feel like we're worthy of good things.
98
There is nothing wrong with you.
99
Even because you're attracted to this, there is literally nothing wrong with you.
100
It has so much to do with societal conditioning
101
and the way we were raised and the fact that love just feels good, right?
102
But oftentimes we don't actually know what love looks like.
103
We weren't taught a model of love that actually sustains and supports who we are.
104
We're taught that we have to compromise ourselves in order to love ourselves and that my love is not true.
105
And so now that we got that out of the way
106
and I really deciphered why you're in the mental state you're in, I'm going to give you some mindset shifts that have genuinely helped me so much in detachment.
107
Step number one is to center yourself and I mean this emotionally as well.
108
Like if you're in a state where you're not feeling safe, you need to allow space for your emotions that you're feeling.
109
Go in your bed, cry, take a really nice shower,
110
light a candle, clean your room do something that isn't necessarily associated
111
so heavily with this person or situation even if it's not really something
112
that serious like you might just be really crushing on someone watching this video
113
or you might be going through an entire breakup whatever it is advice
114
that people often say about detachment is to like oh just get really busy
115
and while i do think
116
that can help i also don't think hyper productivity actually addresses the root issue in that you don't feel lovable.
117
Do things that make you feel lovable.
118
If you want someone to surprise you with flowers, go and surprise yourself with flowers.
119
If you want someone to write you a love letter, write yourself a love letter.
120
If you want someone to give you a hug, if you're in bed crying, give yourself a hug.
121
Listen, I don't care if you think that's desperate.
122
I don't care if you think that's weird.
123
I don't care if you think you're cringe.
124
Because let me tell you something, when I was in this situation, I was trying to latch on to anything and everything
125
that made me feel lovable except for my own love and because of
126
that i devalued what my love really was it's like i
127
was treating my love like it was on sale at ross's
128
clearance rack babe you're louis vuitton right you're a birkin bag
129
you are designer why are you selling yourself at a discount now
130
that we've centered ourselves i need you to accept people as they are
131
and place them where they belong in your life does this person even reciprocate you
132
because i don't want you to live in a lie like
133
that is the worst thing you could do for yourself
134
if you're in a situation where you don't know if this person is prioritizing you.
135
If you don't feel reciprocated, you must recenter yourself.
136
A perspective shift that really helped me is understanding sometimes people don't have the capacity to love you like you love them.
137
I saw this somewhere on the internet so I'm going to write it down for you.
138
Imagine yourself as the big glass of water and then the person that you love is this little tiny teacup.
139
When you pour into them, it's overflowing.
140
They might even tell you sometimes, oh you're too much for me.
141
The love that you give this person is so much it's almost overwhelming.
142
And then when they pour back into you, since you're this big glass, it doesn't feel like enough.
143
And that's not because they might not want to, it's just they don't have the facilities for it.
144
They're a little teacup and you're a big full glass.
145
You cannot expect to be loved by someone who never had the capacity to love you from the beginning.
146
And so learning how to accept people as they are
147
and place them kind of where they belong in my life
148
allowed me to feel like I have my own say in the situation and that I'm not just being abandoned.
149
Because oftentimes the reason why we start feeling super insecure, anxious, dysregulated is because naturally in a relationship or in a dating setting in general,
150
we're seeking safety.
151
We're seeking security.
152
But love is not safe.
153
I'm sorry, it's just not.
154
Which brings me to the next mindset shift.
155
Realize that at any point, anyone can leave you.
156
And I know that might suck, but I'm not going to coddle your feelings.
157
And the reason I say this is not to kind of rub things in your face, but it's to help you understand, wouldn't you want someone who stays?
158
Wouldn't you want someone who doesn't have to be told what the right thing to do They just do the right thing.
159
They just don't betray you.
160
They just don't go behind your back.
161
They just don't want to abandon you.
162
They just don't want to hurt you.
163
Wouldn't you rather have someone like that?
164
If the one thing that's keeping you in a situation is the fear that you're not lovable,
165
if this person leaves, you have been brainwashed into accepting below the bare minimum in order to feel lovable.
166
And so if your fear is that you're not lovable if they leave, I believe it's the opposite.
167
And it doesn't matter who leaves or what leaves because at the end of the day, you can leave this situation where it's at right now.
168
You have the power to stop rehashing the situation in your mind right now.
169
You don't have to stay left in the dark, waiting for a text in no contact.
170
You don't have to stay in that.
171
You can release yourself.
172
You do not need closure.
173
You do not need them.
174
Which brings me into step number four.
175
Start affirming the reality you want.
176
I don't need them.
177
They need me.
178
Do this with anything, not even people, and you will become so extremely magnetic, it's actually insane.
179
I'm not even kidding.
180
Anything I wanted once I used this mindset shift has usually come within like a month of me just detaching, utilizing this.
181
I don't need the money.
182
The money needs me.
183
I don't need the opportunity.
184
The opportunity needs me.
185
When you finally shift out of the energy of need, God, the universe, whatever you believe, gives you more because you're in the energy of flow.
186
You're in the energy of gratitude.
187
Think about it.
188
If God sees you complaining about the current situation you're in
189
yet you're staying you're not making room for abundance you're not
190
making room for the person to come into your life better than before
191
or a completely different person to come in you are not making room for what's meant for you
192
if you're stuck clinging on to things
193
and saying well i need this in order to be lovable what's going to happen
194
and you might not be consciously realizing you're doing this but if anything i'm saying is resonating in this video, get out of journal.
195
Start writing about it.
196
Start asking yourself, what can I let go of?
197
Sometimes we think we need to do more.
198
Sometimes the solution isn't to do more.
199
It's to understand that what you're already doing is enough.
200
That you are enough just because you exist.
201
And that doesn't mean that you don't have to put in any work if you want a certain opportunity.
202
You got to put yourself in scenarios where you can be in that opportunity.
203
But are you really going to find those opportunities if you're stuck doing the same exact thing,
204
the answer is no. You need to be open to new things in order to move into new places.
205
If you want true love, you need to let go of attachment because attachment is not love.
206
And so the last piece I'm going to say on detachment is it's truly not just not caring
207
or being nonchalant or playing some, I don't know, dating game.
208
It's being so secure in yourself and knowing that you know how to love yourself, that when that love comes in, you'll know what to do with it.
209
Because if someone came into your life right now and loved you the exact way that you wanted, you probably wouldn't be ready for them.
210
You would probably find a way to get icked out by them
211
because you're attracted to those negative qualities right now because you're ignoring the negative qualities within you, okay?
212
So with that being said, you guys, I really hope this video gave some clarity.
213
This is something that I've been kind of ruminating in on my life
214
because YouTube's algorithm just did a big shift and
215
so one thing I really want to ask of you guys is
216
if you could please like this video and comment down below
217
because the algorithm changed to focusing on community engagement more than subscribers
218
or things like that so my videos aren't actually being recommended to my subscribers.
219
So if you go ahead and turn my post notifications on, not only does it help me, but it helps you see my videos so I can further help you with my content.
220
With that being said, besties, all of my links will be down in the description, including my Get Your Shit Together community.
221
I love you guys so much.
222
Stay safe and stay detached.
背景与语境
在这段视频中，讲者Natalie探讨了如何建立一种与他人保持情感距离的心态，这不仅仅是一种临时的做法，更是一种生活方式。许多人在关系中经历过情感依赖，而这种依赖常常让我们感到痛苦。Natalie强调，真正的自我价值和幸福感来自于我们对自己的肯定，而不是依赖他人的认可。她希望能帮助观众们认知到，情感的独立与自我认同是实现健康人际关系的重要基础。
日常交流的五个重点短语
- 你会很好。 - 给予自己积极的鼓励。
- 你的存在就是一种祝福。 - 认识到自我价值的重要性。
- 不依赖他人的感受。 - 知道情感独立的重要性。
- 吸引和排斥的磁性。 - 了解人与人之间的相互吸引与势力。
- 明确你的依附风格。 - 通过了解自己的情感模式来增强自我认知。
逐步影子跟读指南
为了有效地理解并应用Natalie分享的观念，您可以按照以下步骤进行“英语影子跟读”练习：
- 收听视频： 首先，仔细聆听Natalie的视频，全神贯注于她使用的语言和表达方式。
- 重复短语： 在聆听的过程中，尝试重复每个短语，保持与她的节奏一致。这是实现流利沟通的shadowspeak练习。
- 记笔记： 记录您觉得特别有启发的短语，学习这些表达并理解它们的含义。
- 角色扮演： 找一个学习伙伴，跟他们讨论视频中提到的内容，尝试使用您记录的短语。这是提高雅思口语练习技能的好方法。
- 反思与自评： 每次练习后，花一些时间反思您的表现，并考虑如何进一步改善您的表达。
通过这种方法，您不仅可以提高英语口语能力，还能加深对情感独立和人际关系的理解，迈向更健康的社交生活。
什么是跟读法？
跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。