Shadowing Practice: How to Detach, Stop Overthinking, and Level Up Your Life - Learn English Speaking with Video

Bir pratik modu seçin

Her mod tam ekran bir pratik odası açar.

535 cümleler

Cümleler çok kısa veya çok uzun ise, ayarlamak için Düzenle'ye tıklayın.

So I am about to really expose myself to you guys right now.

I cared way too much about what other people think way more than I like to admit or show.

And I know that because I've literally let other people's opinions control my mood, my behavior, my peace.

So for example, if I saw that someone I knew unfollowed me on Instagram and I was still following them, I would get butt hurt.

If I was on vacation, I would spend hours trying to take the perfect photo.

And if it wasn't good enough, I would retake it and retake it just so I would have the perfect photo to post on Instagram.

Let's say I'm grabbing a cup of coffee

and the barista taking my order is being rude to me for no reason when I was being nothing but nice.

Bro, that would keep me up at night.

My whole life, pretty much, I would literally bend over backwards, do kickflips, backflips, just for other people to like me.

I was so attached to whether if someone liked me with the amount of likes I got on a photo, the number of followers I had, and I was constantly comparing myself to everyone and their mom.

And I finally had to sit myself down and ask myself, Why am I giving people who I actually don't really give a s* about this much power over my peace?

And I finally realized if someone I barely cared about can ruin my entire mood for a whole week, I wasn't powerful, I wasn't confident, I was attached.

So as someone who was a retired, chronic people pleaser, I know a thing or two about how to genuinely detach and not give a crap.

So in this video, I'm gonna be teaching you how to actually master detachment

and take your power back so you are your most confident self.

If you're new here, hello, my name is Lina and I share all things leveling up and becoming your best self.

So if you're not already subscribed, what are you doing?

Kate, what are you doing?

Go subscribe right now.

What detachment is.

So to really understand what detachment is, you actually have to understand what attachment is.

And simply put, attachment is when your self-worth depends on an outcome that you cannot control.

And before I understood this, I genuinely thought that something was wrong with me

because the way I would attach to things and people and opinions so much, like I would take everything so personally.

So if you're like that too, I feel you.

Okay, you are not alone.

It is so much easier said than done to be like, oh, just be detached.

I'm someone who cares deeply about things and caring deeply about things is actually a really good trait.

It means you're very emotionally mature, but it's a problem when you get too attached to things.

So when you get attached to whether your crush likes you back or not, how many likes you get on a photo you post, if so-and-so answered your text or ghosted you,

you are attached and don't get me wrong, that is normal.

Please do not think anything is wrong with you or you're just like too sensitive.

Don't get mad at yourself, don't blame yourself.

You're just human.

Humans are wired for attachment.

We've been this way for thousands of years.

Okay.

We are all social creatures.

We all want to be loved.

We want to be accepted.

This is literally how we are all wired.

We want to feel accepted.

We want to feel good about ourselves.

We want to feel worthy.

And the problem with attachment is when you get too attached because when you're too attached, of course, you're going to feel anxious when Jeremy is not answering your texts.

If you found out your bestie, Patricia hung out with a bunch of people and left you out on purpose, you might be nervous to post a photo if you feel like it's not going to get enough likes.

But when you are attaching yourself to those things, you are actively giving away your power.

And it's so crazy because before I really learned about detachment, I thought I was a pretty confident person, you know, like, but honestly thinking back,

I wasn't, that was not real confidence because I was actively allowing my self-worth to be determined by other people.

When you care too much, you are seeking control.

So we're going to get into a few story times here because I'm about to expose myself to help you guys.

All right.

So story number one, there's this guy, let's call him buffoon ben okay

so this was actually a couple months ago this was before i actively decided to focus on myself

and focus on my healing right now i am talking to nobody's son not answering nobody's texts

and i feel great i'm protecting my peace

because i really just truly want to focus on healing okay

anyway buffoon ben he shows interest in me he tells all my friends

that he's really into me and i was like okay he's like not my usual type

but you know i don't have much dating experience my friends

are like just go on a date don't have any expectations like put yourself out there

and you know thinking back at the time i actually really did not want to

but i was really trying to push myself

and to put myself out there and

so i was like all right all right i'm open

so we're like texting back

and forth he has a great personality like conversations are flowing it's going great

and he's like let's hang out sometime whenever you're in my city

or if i'm in yours and i was like yeah i'm down

and one weekend i happened to be in his city for a work trip i got there on a thursday

and i posted that i was there

and of course this man wasted no time he slid up

instagram mdms was like oh my gosh you're here let's grab some food i can show you around

if you want like are you free i'm like cool yeah i'm free i'm free friday saturday

and sunday night just let me know

so it's friday night he does not text me back saturday

night he does not text me back sunday he does not text me back

and i'm leaving sunday night

so i'm like confused like hello like are my texts going

to outer space like why is this man not answering

and i was starting to get so anxious for some reason

and that sunday i double texted him look i know i know atrocious okay i usually don't like double texting.

I don't like texting in general.

So for me to do a double text, like crazy work, crazy work to any of you girlies who are waiting for a text from a guy.

If he's not texting you back, there's your answer.

You do not need to double text.

His phone isn't in the bottom of the Hudson river.

Okay.

He definitely got your texts.

His response being no response is the only response that you need.

And tell me why this guy that I wasn't even really into in the first place.

I was so attached every single day that passed by that he was not responding to me.

I was spiraling.

Okay, I was like, hello, is he not interested anymore?

Like did I do something?

Is something wrong with me?

First of all, not only did buffoon ben not respect my time Like he

did not bother to even shoot me a text back like hey i'm busy right now

100

or i'm busy this weekend Like i'm sorry I can't actually see you

101

or if he's just not even interested text me back be like actually I'm, not looking to hang out with anyone right now.

102

Like i'm sorry just like anything something, you know

103

But like why would you go out of your way to

104

try to always message me try to always show your interest Tell other people you're interested and then finally when i'm like, okay, i'm down He's like poof gone ghost all of a

105

sudden buffoon ben's thumbs are not working He doesn't know how to text anymore.

106

Anyway, I was just getting so attached I was spiraling that whole weekend over a man.

107

I didn't even want okay buffoon ben and it really ruined my weekends Like I hate to admit it, but it did and I remember talking about it with my friend

108

and I was like I don't know why this bothers me so much and she looks at me She goes girl.

109

Do you even want to date him?

110

And I was like no I'm, not even interested in him like no then why do you care?

111

You know, so through all

112

that I had to learn to detach his lack of response towards me Shows number one he's disrespectful

113

if he didn't think I was even worth a reply back like that's not energy

114

that I want It's just revealing that he's an inconsistent person and I don't want that.

115

I don't need

116

that I don't need my self-worth to be defined by a

117

buffoon I don't need my entire day my entire weekend to be ruined by a buffoon.

118

Okay, so story number two exposing myself for being attached I'm not gonna name any names

119

But I had basically found out

120

that someone super close to me was basically talking down on

121

my name They said I completely changed for the worse

122

that I'm this shallow materialistic influencer who only cares about money and my looks and uses people.

123

First of all, anyone who knows me personally knows one thing about me and what I love, I love hard.

124

Okay?

125

And I'm not gonna sit here and be like, I'm perfect.

126

Like definitely not.

127

I'm not perfect at all.

128

I make a lot of mistakes.

129

There are times I can be selfish like every other human, but overall I'm an extremely giving and selfless person.

130

Like I financially support my family and not that it's even about money, but like I've been through a lot of things in my life.

131

And for this person to tell other people that I'm this shallow influencer

132

was such a disrespect to who I am as a person.

133

Anyone that knows me, and I'm sure a lot of you guys who watch my videos, like I'm a very deep, sometimes very emotional person.

134

Like shallow is not the word.

135

I'm a lot of things.

136

Shallow is not one of them.

137

I do not play about the people that I love.

138

I am a ride or die type of person.

139

I've always been that way.

140

That's how I was raised.

141

And especially coming from this person who knew me for years through thick and thin.

142

I was there for this person for them and all the close people in my life.

143

I'm always supporting the people who I love around me through thick and thin.

144

So for them to lie on my name and mischaracterize me, it was honestly so hurtful.

145

It would literally bother me so much.

146

It would keep me up at night because I was so frustrated.

147

And I had to ask myself why I felt this way.

148

I was like, why do you feel this way?

149

Why is this keeping you up at night?

150

Why are you stressed about this?

151

And I realized I was attached to people's opinions about me.

152

And this situation in particular was really hard on me

153

because I hate when people mischaracterize me or when they like misunderstand my heart.

154

I am definitely an over explainer.

155

Like if I feel like someone is not understanding me, I always over explain.

156

Or if I did something wrong, I always over apologize.

157

And I learned from therapy that that is actually a trauma response.

158

I over apologize, over explain.

159

I always try to be heard.

160

I always try to get the other person to understand.

161

And through this situation, I had to learn the hard way.

162

Okay.

163

Because for some reason, I can never learn the easy way detachment is letting people misunderstand you

164

because you know who you are you know what you bring to the table you are the one

165

that has to sleep with yourself at night and sit with your thoughts

166

and be alone with yourself

167

and for someone who you showed love to showed your whole

168

heart to for them to talk down on you reflects way more about them

169

and not you because you get to lay your head peaceful at night

170

and sleep deep sleep good knowing that you know who you are

171

and i have to tell myself

172

that regardless of what people are saying about me behind my back what people choose to believe about me.

173

I'm the one that has to sleep with myself at night

174

and I'm the one that experiences and is doing the things that I'm doing.

175

I lay my head very peaceful at night knowing that I'm not a shallow materialistic influencer.

176

And I had to accept like Lena, girl, you cannot get everyone and their mom to see you for who you really are.

177

And that's okay.

178

Cause the real ones like my family, my close friends, you guys, the people in my life that actually know me for me, they know who I am.

179

They see my heart for what it is.

180

So whenever you find yourself attached, you want to ask yourself why?

181

Like, why do I feel this way?

182

Don't let yourself just feel uncomfortable and anxious, ask yourself like, hmm, one layer deeper ask why?

183

Because whenever you ask yourself that question, you always will figure out the reason.

184

And there's always a deeper layer to it.

185

Okay, this is my last story time.

186

So this is actually back last year when I was apartment hunting in New York City for my dream apartment.

187

A lot of you guys followed me through that journey.

188

But basically, there was this one apartment that I was in love with.

189

It was gorgeous.

190

The views stunning.

191

Like it was beautiful.

192

It was big.

193

And when I went to go see it, the real estate agent.

194

I don't know who pissed in grandpa's cereal that morning I don't know

195

if his grandkids were extra rude to him

196

that day I don't know what was going on with this man

197

But he had a stick up his butt Like I don't know what was wrong with him

198

But he from the jump was rude Like his energy was off His vibes from the jump was just so off Anyway, I'm with my mom And he lets us up to the apartment And I'm looking at the apartment I'm like,

199

wow, it's so beautiful I'm like filming it with my phone And mind you, this was like the fourth, fifth apartment that I saw in New York City

200

There was like four or five other apartments I've seen

201

And it's actually very normal for people to film the apartments

202

that they're looking at because later they get to go back Look at the footage and be like, okay, this is the bedroom.

203

I like this.

204

It's really normal to film apartments I did

205

that with every other apartment I toured no problem And so while i'm recording the rooms and stuff first of all, i'm not even getting him in the video Okay, he goes um, you should really tell people

206

if you're filming in the apartment and I was like first of all It's not even his apartment.

207

He's working for somebody.

208

Anyway, I was like, oh like i'm so sorry The other apartments allowed me to film like I had no idea.

209

He's like, yeah, well you should ask And I was like, okay.

210

And so then I just put my phone away, assuming he's like not cool with it.

211

He's like, you could film.

212

And I was like, okay, like all that for what?

213

Like you gave me all the attitude for what?

214

But basically after he spoke to me like that, I was pissed, okay?

215

Like I was so pissed off.

216

And normally, I'm not gonna lie, I could be a little spicy sometimes.

217

If I feel like someone is disrespecting me and being rude to me, like I have no problem giving an attitude.

218

No problem, no problem at all.

219

But in this case, like I really loved the apartment.

220

I wasn't sure what to do.

221

But in that moment, I felt it in my gut when he spoke to me like that, I was like, I need to get out of here.

222

I need to get out of here.

223

My mom was there too.

224

And my mom also like doesn't speak English very well.

225

So for him to say that to me, I don't know.

226

It's just something about it.

227

Like if it was just me there, it would be different.

228

But the fact that my mom was there and he was speaking to me in that way, I already felt like when he saw us, he was putting us down.

229

The minute he saw me and my mom, I felt him like look down on us.

230

And so when he spoke to me like that, I felt it in my gut.

231

I need to get out of here, but I was overriding my gut and I just stayed and I looked at the rest of the apartment, whatever.

232

And he was just kind of rude to me very like yeah

233

If you're interested you could email this and just being so unhelpful like being so rude So then I was like whatever, you know what?

234

It doesn't matter that this guy was off the vibes were off.

235

I really really want this apartment

236

So I did everything I could to get this apartment

237

So literally that same night I applied to

238

that apartment any documents anything he needed for me I got

239

that sent to him right away

240

And for some reason every single time I sent him documents He would ask for more

241

and then more and I was like bro like what else do you want to see?

242

Do you want to know like my social security?

243

I mean, he already had that.

244

He had my social security number.

245

I was like, what else do you want to see?

246

Do you want to see my middle school yearbook too?

247

Like, what else do you want from me?

248

This man was asking for so many things that at that point I felt it.

249

I knew in my gut that he did not want me at that apartment.

250

Even through emails, he was being so rude and he was like ghosting me.

251

Like I had to follow up, email him a bunch of times and he was dragging it along for weeks.

252

And it was because I was attached to getting that apartment.

253

I was trying to force an outcome that wasn't meant to be.

254

And I remember I was so sad because I didn't get that apartment.

255

He ended up giving it to somebody else obviously But

256

that is such a blessing in disguise because now I live in this apartment

257

and I love this apartment way more than that one Also, I got a way better deal on this apartment like it was over a thousand dollars cheaper for this apartment

258

So it all ended up working out and I wasted

259

so many weeks being so stressed out and

260

so pressed about this old ass man That was pissing me off

261

and being rude to me And I was taking it

262

because I wanted this apartment so bad

263

and I was just stressing myself out for no reason I did not have to do that The more you monitor others, the less you trust yourself.

264

So when you're checking who unfollowed you, replaying conversations in your head, analyzing everyone's tone towards you, how they're looking at you, checking how many likes you got on a photo,

265

trying to see if your crush likes you back, you are quite literally disrupting your peace by doing that.

266

And not just that, you are actually subconsciously trusting yourself less.

267

And something I actually had to realize about myself is that my low self-worth, it goes deep, okay?

268

It literally stems from when I was a child, like growing up in a very traumatic abusive upbringing with a narcissistic alcoholic father I've always struggled with low self-worth and especially

269

because growing up I was like not I don't know I

270

was not conventionally attractive I mean I was a kid okay

271

I was a kid I was still growing you know

272

but I was just like never the pretty friend I was friends with the pretty friends

273

and the guys that liked my pretty friends would use me

274

and like try to be friends with me to get close to the pretty friends

275

that was like my whole childhood I just didn't know better I didn't know

276

that I was allowing other people to constantly determine my self-worth and that's why I couldn't be detached.

277

And as I got older and going through all these experiences, like just recently, I realized how many people I let determine how I felt that day, how much worth I felt that day.

278

And so because of my low self-worth from like childhood and having that all up until my adulthood, even today, I'm struggling with it.

279

I'm trying to build my self-worth.

280

I would attach myself to any sort of validation from other people.

281

I became so good at monitoring people and seeing

282

if they liked me seeing a tone shift I also became super social

283

because I learned how to interact with people to get them to notice me

284

and like me I would always be monitoring if someone liked me

285

if they laughed at my joke if they wanted to be friends with me

286

So in some ways it's been a good thing like I have a pretty social personality Like

287

if you couldn't tell already like i'm very extroverted ever since I was young I was very socially aware,

288

but as an adult it has made me painfully insecure and now those are things I'm unlearning in my adult years.

289

And I have to realize that true confidence and self-worth, that comes from trusting yourself, trusting that you are enough.

290

It's not what you bring to the table.

291

It's not how social you are.

292

It's not how many people laugh at your jokes.

293

Like it is just you, you as a person, as you are, you are worthy.

294

You need to trust that you got you.

295

You don't need anybody else.

296

You don't need anybody else to determine your worth for you.

297

When you feel detached, dump it somewhere else.

298

So one huge thing I've been doing recently to practice and master detachment is actually documenting my healing journey.

299

And I've been documenting it pretty much every single day on Cove.

300

I made my own little healing journey Cove.

301

And I don't even wanna show you guys the full thing of this

302

because it's like so raw and lots of trauma dumping, lots of journal entries, lots of me crying and spilling lots of tea.

303

This I'll show you guys.

304

I even have some photos of me and videos of me like crying in here.

305

It's like a little embarrassing, but I'll do like video entries and literally talk to my camera, like crying, sobbing about the things that I'm healing from or like if I'm attached to something,

306

if I'm like stressed out, I will literally just dump it in this healing journey cove.

307

And this has really helped me to not spiral like in my head.

308

This has really helped me so much

309

because instead of spiraling in my own head and in my own thoughts or trying to text somebody to reassure me, to make me feel better,

310

instead of trying to over explain myself like when I'm attached to something, I try to be self-aware whenever I feel like I can't detach from something

311

and I'm trying to control or I feel hurt by something.

312

Instead of letting it stay in here, I put it in here, okay?

313

I put it all in here in my healing journey cove.

314

And I think that really helps.

315

Whenever you feel like you can't detach, instead of letting it sit in your brain, put it somewhere.

316

Get it out of your body.

317

Put it somewhere, anywhere.

318

It could be in a healing journey cove like mine, or it can be in your journal.

319

It could be in your notes app, wherever.

320

As long as you don't keep it in here.

321

And something about taking it out of your body and your brain and putting it somewhere else, you stop needing other people to validate your experience.

322

You stop replaying conversations in your head.

323

You stop trying to chase closure or trying to get someone to understand you

324

because taking it out of here and putting it on paper or documenting it somewhere, it actually helps you process it so much more.

325

So whether it's my app Cove or your journal or your notes app, the point is to just get your thoughts down so

326

that they're not sitting and sticking in here because that's what's gonna keep you anxious.

327

It's gonna keep you mentally and emotionally attached.

328

And I'm telling you, if you do this and you do this constantly, you are going to master detachment.

329

You don't actually care about them.

330

You care about what it means.

331

So when someone unfollows you on Instagram for no reason, just think about what your reaction is.

332

Just think about it.

333

Think about it for a second.

334

Notice how your brain doesn't go, oh, maybe they're just cleaning up their feet.

335

No, you don't think that way.

336

You immediately go inward.

337

You start spiraling.

338

Did I do something wrong?

339

Do they hate me?

340

Am I losing relevance?

341

Is it my content?

342

Am I not enough?

343

Why don't they like me?

344

And suddenly, it's not just about a little unfollow.

345

You are making an unfollow button your whole identity.

346

And typically, the attachment isn't even to the person.

347

It's the story that you concoct in your head that you attach to their behavior.

348

Because if someone is unfollowing you for no reason, that is on them.

349

You know, they have their reasons

350

and it's not your job to pick apart your brain to figure out why they did that, you know?

351

But the reason why we do that is because our brains, we hate uncertainty.

352

I hated the fact that I wanted this apartment so bad

353

and I needed to move in within a few weeks and this old man was not answering my emails.

354

And because our brains and our body hates uncertainty so much because it makes us feel anxious, our brains start thinking the craziest things to fill in the blanks.

355

And every time, without fail, your brain is gonna pit yourself against you.

356

Even when it is not a you problem.

357

But here's the truth that I learned that honestly really freed me.

358

Their decision was theirs.

359

Their reason is theirs.

360

Their perception of you, it's theirs.

361

And honestly, most of the time, it has nothing to do with you.

362

But as humans, our ego, it wants to make it about you because our ego wants control.

363

So that's why detachment is so important

364

because you are actively bringing your power back from giving it to that other person to taking it back for yourself.

365

So when you master detachment and you don't make everything about you and you don't attach everything to your self-worth, you see Sally unfollowed you and you're like,

366

oh, I didn't even do anything to deserve that unfollow.

367

Whatever, okay, I'm just gonna hit unfollow back.

368

And you know, it really is not that deep.

369

It really isn't that deep.

370

And whenever I would hear advice from other girls about detachment, they'd be like, you need to detach because who cares about this person?

371

They don't pay your bills.

372

Like they don't do anything for you.

373

And like, yeah, that's true, but it's easier said than done to just be like, they don't pay my bills, so I'm gonna detach.

374

Like, you know, it's not that simple.

375

You could still feel away, feel a little hurt, but still detach.

376

Detachment isn't pretending that you don't care at all, but it's just refusing to believe a negative story about yourself because of someone else's actions that you can't control.

377

What you can control are your own actions.

378

Try to be the best person you could be.

379

Be a good person.

380

That's why I say my mission every day is not to be a perfect person, but to strive every day to be the best version I can be and choosing decisions that align with that goal.

381

So if you are doing that and you are living in your truth

382

and you are genuinely just trying to be a good person and be a good influence to people around you, to the people you love.

383

You're not trying to hurt anybody, snake anybody.

384

That's when you can fully detach from other people and outcomes because you know you're gonna be good.

385

You're gonna be fine.

386

And I'm gonna be honest, guys.

387

I used to unfollow people to be petty.

388

Take me to jail.

389

I know, I know.

390

I was that person.

391

I would unfollow or block people to be petty all the time.

392

If I found out anyone was doing me dirty, if they talk crap about me, if they didn't treat me well, if they were like giving me an attitude or something,

393

I would hit unfollow with the quickness, with the quickness and I would make sure that they're still following me too

394

just to be extra petty you know well actually recently I had unfollowed a lot of people in my life

395

but I also had them unfollow me back

396

so they're not seeing my stuff

397

and for the first time in my life it was not to be petty

398

and it wasn't to be mean it wasn't to feed my ego

399

and be like I'm better you know like they're still following me

400

and I'm not following them it was genuinely about protecting my peace

401

if someone chooses to believe a mischaracterization of me if someone tries to decide who I am based on a rumor, a narrative, their own projection.

402

It is not my job to chase their understanding, to convince them, to over explain, to tell them my side, to clarify.

403

It is not my job to do that to someone who is committed to misunderstanding me.

404

So unfollowing those people, it was genuinely to protect my peace

405

and it's no hard feelings because I realized I was

406

so attached to trying to be seen the right way in front of these people that it was making me post differently.

407

Like it was making me post to try to prove a point.

408

And mind you, like I'm a content creator.

409

Like I should be posting for you guys.

410

Like I should be posting to help you guys.

411

I'm here trying to prove these people wrong.

412

These people who are choosing to mischaracterize me anyway, like why am I trying to post for them?

413

So that's why I unfollowed them to protect my peace.

414

And I also had them unfollow me too, because they don't need to see my stuff.

415

And if they go out of their way to see my stuff, then okay, see what you want to see.

416

And so when I truly detached, I stopped trying to curate my life and post for an audience that no longer belongs in my life.

417

Confusing validation with safety.

418

So detaching is basically trying to retrain your nervous system to feel safe without approval.

419

This is something I realized recently

420

because I had to learn through a lot of trauma and therapy that my need for validation ran so deep.

421

Okay.

422

It's like a little embarrassing to admit this, but I'm going to, I'm gonna share it with my girls because if it helps just one of you out there, like I will embarrass myself.

423

So like I said, I already gave you guys like context about my chaotic unstable upbringing

424

which contributed to my low self-worth but another wound

425

that i've realized about myself is that

426

because i never felt conventionally attractive growing up my whole life

427

like for example in my family like they would always compliment

428

my brother okay my brother he's like the 6'2 very handsome korean man like he's always been tall

429

and athletic all the aunties would always be like june is

430

so good looking you know blah blah blah blah

431

and i never heard those comments growing up never never they would comment about my cheeks

432

and how cute my cheeks were but like in terms of like attractiveness

433

and stuff like I never felt that way growing up

434

and also I think it's

435

because I was a tomboy growing up too where I wasn't used to male attention

436

or just like having guys like like me and then on top of

437

that my horrible relationship with my dad like

438

that contributed to my unhealthy relationship with men too

439

but basically as I got older and then I started you know losing weight

440

and getting more conventionally attractive I guess I'm not gonna sit here

441

and be like i'm the prettiest girl in the world like no

442

but i noticed people treating me differently because of the way

443

that i looked and guys treating me differently because of the way

444

that i looked especially after getting out of a five-year relationship

445

where my self-worth was like to the ground i was posting like i was single

446

and you know trying to be like i'm up i'm glowed up i'm this i'm

447

that whole time i was like i was not doing well mentally

448

but um i was overcompensating i was overcompensating

449

and posting on instagram like i was up you know

450

and posting like i was a single girl living my best life

451

and I would get a lot of DMs from guys

452

and guys started following me and messaging me and liking my photos

453

and DMing me and liking my stories and whatnot

454

and this was a tension that I wasn't used to

455

and I was seeking validation through these guys like on my Instagram

456

that were telling me that I was pretty

457

and you know giving me attention and validation and all that

458

and genuinely it's not because I wanted to date any of them I was just craving validation

459

because my self-worth was so low.

460

So literally when I say I'm so committed to mastering detachment

461

and like so committed to building my self-worth so that it is unbreakable,

462

I recently prayed to God and he really revealed to me that the main source that filled my emptiness inside was validation.

463

So let me tell you guys, after I realized this and God revealed to me

464

that validation really controls me and was the root of a lot of my trauma, I was trying to fill this empty hole with validation instead of God.

465

Girl, it's like my eyes opened and then I cut off as much validation as I could.

466

Like, I went on my Instagram.

467

I unfollowed guys that were messaging me and made them unfollow me too.

468

And it's no hard feelings.

469

Like, I have no hard feelings towards them and they were all like nice, I guess.

470

But anything I can get validation from, even like a message, even a like, like I'm just in such a sensitive place right now where any sort of validation that's not true self-worth, I don't want it near me.

471

And so I'm not telling you guys to go and unfollow a bunch of people.

472

Like, that's not what I'm trying to say

473

but i'm just telling you guys from my experience like what

474

i'm specifically going through i literally had to go on an unfollowing spree with some guys

475

that were giving me attention while single

476

because i didn't want it to control me

477

and my self-worth like i want to be so detached

478

that i do not care if i get a message from so-and-so

479

or if they like a photo of me or

480

if they think i'm pretty you know

481

and this also goes the same for even the content

482

that i'm posting a lot of you guys like have noticed

483

that i've been doing a lot more talking videos it's because i genuinely love to to do it.

484

I genuinely love to provide value for you guys.

485

Like I realized that that is a huge passion of mine

486

and coming from someone who built my platform off of like vlogs and fitness and like working out, it's a big transition to go from that,

487

like all the vlogs and entertaining stuff to just me sitting here and yapping with a mic in front of my mouth, you know, like, and at first when I was doing a lot more talking content,

488

I did get a lot of negative comments saying they're tired of these talking videos

489

that I'm always talking about the same things all the time

490

and stuff and they had a point they had a point they cooked with

491

that they cooked with that because

492

that did help me realize i need to talk about other things

493

that i was afraid to talk to like this video right here

494

but i was also really afraid of you guys not liking these type of videos like me talking

495

and sitting here in front of a camera

496

and yapping my mouth away i was like they're not gonna

497

like this content they're not gonna like me anymore like they're

498

not gonna watch anymore i'm going to fade off into irrelevance

499

and then like my mind starts spiraling right i'm like oh i won't be successful anymore

500

and then i won't be able to provide for myself i won't be able to provide for my family anymore.

501

Like all this stuff.

502

And I'm like going in these negative cycle loops.

503

And then I realized, girl, stop and detach.

504

You have to detach.

505

So that's exactly what your girl's doing now.

506

Sitting here filming this video for you guys.

507

You will never feel powerful while always seeking permission.

508

So basically, if you need everyone to like you, everyone to understand you, everyone to validate you, you will never experience true freedom.

509

You will never be your most confident, most powerful self.

510

And that is just simply the truth.

511

But like I said, it's easier said than done.

512

Like detachment is very hard.

513

It's a very hard thing to master.

514

I have not mastered it yet.

515

Okay.

516

I feel attached a lot to a lot of things

517

and I have to constantly check myself and post in my healing journey cove when I'm spiraling.

518

So mastering true detachment is not about never caring and being so powerful all the time, being perfect.

519

It's just about being self-aware that

520

when you realize you are being attached to something to be able to self-reflect and ask yourself, why is this bothering me?

521

And when you understand the why, it's going to help you detach so much more.

522

Mastering detachment is all about having a relationship with yourself and knowing and realizing your own self-worth and detaching yourself from outcomes.

523

Because even with my New York City apartment situation, like I only had two weeks left to find an apartment or else I did not have an apartment to live in.

524

Instead of just trusting that things are going to work out for me, I was trying to control and control.

525

And so when you learn to truly detach from, if you got rejected from your dream school, if your crush doesn't like you back, if Sally is leaving you out of the friend group,

526

if your boss isn't treating you well, those are all things that when you detach from them, that's when you'll experience true freedom and true confidence.

527

So yeah, I feel like this video was a million years long.

528

I really hope it helped.

529

And if you're a real one, make sure you follow me on Instagram and TikTok.

530

I post a lot more on there.

531

And if you actually watched to the end, comment down below this emoji so I know that you're a real one and watch the end.

532

And I love you guys so, so much.

533

And I hope to catch you in my next video.

534

Bye.

535

Yeah.

Uygulamayı İndir

Akıcı konuşmak için ihtiyacınız olan her şey

AI TelaffuzHer cümleyi puanla

IPA AlıştırmasıHer sesi ustalaştır

Kelime BilgisiKelime bankanızı oluşturun

Kelime OyunuOynarken öğrenin

QR Tara

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

Aynı Kanal

THE GREAT LOCK IN | how to transform your life & become unrecognizable before 2026 ends ✨

Daily ConversationWorking Adults

How to Enter Your Confidence Era ✨ Stop Caring What They Think & Know Your Worth

Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

living alone in NYC: perfect summer day, rooftop vibes, reorganizing my apartment, & city night out!

Daily ConversationWorking Adults

How to Lock In for the Rest of 2026 & Actually Change Your Life

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

How to Get Your Spark Back After a Slump and Become the Best Version of Yourself ✨

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

your phone is ruining your life - here’s how to take it back.

Daily Conversation

11 healthy habits you NEED to EXIT YOUR LAZY ERA 🌱: how to get your life together & be productive!

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

How to Enter Your Independent Girl Era ✨ Become the Girl Who Needs Nobody

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

get back into routine with me 🌱 6am morning routine, work day in my life, and workout with me!

Travel EnglishTeensDaily Conversation

11 healthy habits you NEED in your morning routine⛅️: how to change your life & be productive!

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

How to Enter Your Unbothered Era: Stop Over-Explaining and Let Them Lose You

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

Why Feeling Lonely Means Your Life Is About to Level Up

University Students

11 HIGH MAINTENANCE habits to be LOW MAINTENANCE 🌱 | how to wake up hot and glow up effortlessly

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

How to Enter Your Level Up Era: Stop Chasing, Go Ghost, and Focus on You ✨

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

FOR YOU

Video Öner

222 cümleler

Mindset shifts that will help you detach instantly. (stop obsessing over them).

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

172 cümleler

Take Control of Your Life | English Listening Practice (B1–B2) | Speak Power Daily

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

190 cümleler

Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 535 cümle ve 6910 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 28:01 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 247 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %84’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Videodan daha az kullanılan 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:

heal /ˈhiːl/ (fiil) — iyileştirmek. To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure.
rude /ɹuːd/ (sıfat) — kaba, küstah. Lacking in refinement or civility; bad-mannered; discourteous.
cove /koʊv/ (isim) — kovuk. A hollow in a rock; a cave or cavern.
anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/ (sıfat) — endişeli, kaygılı. Nervous and worried.
shallow /ˈʃæloʊ/ (sıfat) — sığ. Having little depth; significantly less deep than wide.
attachment /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/ (isim) — bağlılık. The act or process of (physically or figuratively) attaching.
bother /ˈbɑðɚ/ (fiil) — rahatsız etmek, canını sıkmak. To annoy, to disturb, to irritate; to be troublesome to, to make trouble for.
trauma /ˈtɹɔm.ə/ (isim) — travma, sakatlık. Any injury to the body of a living thing.
monitor /ˈmɑ.nɪ.tɚ/ (isim) — ekran. Someone who watches over something; a person in charge of something or someone.
ruin /ˈɹuː.ɪn/ (isim) — kalıntı, harabe. The remains of a destroyed or dilapidated construction, such as a house or castle.
crush /kɹʌʃ/ (fiil) — ezmek. To press between two hard objects; to squeeze so as to alter the natural shape or integrity, or to force together into a mass.
expose /ɪkˈspoʊz/ (fiil) — açığa çıkarmak. To reveal; to uncover; to make visible; to bring to light.
theirs /ðɛɚz/ — onlarınki. That or those belonging to them; the possessive case of they, used without a following noun.
tone /ˈtəʊn/ (isim) — ton. A specific pitch.
thin /ˈθɪn/ (sıfat) — ince. Having little thickness or extent from one surface to its opposite.

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

grow up (fiil) — büyümek, yetişmek. To mature and become an adult.
find out (fiil) — anlamak, ortaya çıkarmak. To discover, as by asking or investigating.
get on (fiil) — binmek. To board or mount (something), especially a vehicle.
look at (fiil) — bakmak. To observe or watch.
ask for (fiil) — istemek. To request; to order.
figure out (fiil) — açığa çıkarmak. To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
go on /ˈɡoʊˌɒn/ (fiil) — devam etmek, sürmek. To continue in extent.
stress out (fiil) — strese sokmak. To become stressed.

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Konuşmacı I'm, don't, you're gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 220 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.

“th” sesleri: bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, theirs /ðɛɚz/, thin /ˈθɪn/, thick /θɪk/, worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/
“sh” ve “zh” sesleri: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, shallow /ˈʃæloʊ/, crush /kɹʌʃ/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; heal, rude, cove gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:

Yapı	Videoda
Koşul cümleleri if + cümle, will/would + fiil — bir koşul ve sonucu	If I was on vacation, I would spend · if it wasn't good enough, I would retake · if I'm like stressed out, I will literally
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — önceden başlayıp hâlâ süren bir eylem	I've been doing · I've been documenting
Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem	We've been · I've been · I've always been
Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli	was attached · be detached · are attached

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

Shadowing tekniği: adım adım eksiksiz rehberi okuyun →

Shadowing Practice: How to Detach, Stop Overthinking, and Level Up Your Life - Learn English Speaking with Video

Bir pratik modu seçin

Uygulamayı İndir

THE GREAT LOCK IN | how to transform your life & become unrecognizable before 2026 ends ✨

How to Enter Your Confidence Era ✨ Stop Caring What They Think & Know Your Worth

living alone in NYC: perfect summer day, rooftop vibes, reorganizing my apartment, & city night out!

How to Lock In for the Rest of 2026 & Actually Change Your Life

How to Get Your Spark Back After a Slump and Become the Best Version of Yourself ✨

your phone is ruining your life - here’s how to take it back.

11 healthy habits you NEED to EXIT YOUR LAZY ERA 🌱: how to get your life together & be productive!

How to Enter Your Independent Girl Era ✨ Become the Girl Who Needs Nobody

get back into routine with me 🌱 6am morning routine, work day in my life, and workout with me!

11 healthy habits you NEED in your morning routine⛅️: how to change your life & be productive!

How to Enter Your Unbothered Era: Stop Over-Explaining and Let Them Lose You

Why Feeling Lonely Means Your Life Is About to Level Up

11 HIGH MAINTENANCE habits to be LOW MAINTENANCE 🌱 | how to wake up hot and glow up effortlessly

How to Enter Your Level Up Era: Stop Chasing, Go Ghost, and Focus on You ✨

Mindset shifts that will help you detach instantly. (stop obsessing over them).

Take Control of Your Life | English Listening Practice (B1–B2) | Speak Power Daily

Lewis Howes Podcast | How To Stop Being A People Pleaser & Take Your Power Back

HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING (& START DOING)

How to Emotionally Detach, Get Focused, and Level Up Your Life

A regulated nervous system is the real flex.

How to detach and demand respect

on letting go (the art of detachment)

The Habits That Made Me More Disciplined

Why Nothing Changes (And How To Break Free)

Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?