Shadowing Practice: Don’t lose yourself trying to keep them - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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Hello my beautiful subscribers!
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I'm so excited to be filming.
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When I tell you guys I'm committed, I love you guys, I mean it.
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Like, let's just talk about the elephant in the room.
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Which is my appearance today.
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I obviously look crazy.
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I look like Mama Odie from The Princess and the Frog.
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I just.. i'm not giving okay like i usually
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film with a full face of makeup on my hair looks
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amazing right now i've got some hair oil in i've been staying in sydney at my mom's house
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Like this is so embarrassing, but you know what?
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I don't care.
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Okay, I'm committed and I'm going to be uploading every single week and I have very, very exciting news that I'm going to be telling you guys.
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If you're hearing about this for the first time, this is because this is the first time that I'm announcing this.
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I am finally starting a podcast next year.
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I have been putting like so much thought into this.
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I've been thinking about this for over a year.
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I see all your comments.
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I know everybody wants me to start a podcast.
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I know and I will.
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It's just like everybody has a podcast and I want to do it right.
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be like a whole show so I've been waiting to rent a bigger place
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so I can create an entire filming room with like this really nice setup.
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I want to have microphones and couches and just like I want it to be
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amazing
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so i am finally starting a podcast it's going to be
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up on spotify it's going to be up on my youtube
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and there'll be long podcast episodes sometimes with a co -host
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and sometimes by myself like the solo episodes
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but yeah I'm just very excited next year is going to be such a good year
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and I have so much amazing content planned for this channel.
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So stick with me.
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I'm obsessed with this.
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This is Emco Beauty's watermelon lip balm and this isn't sponsored.
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They have sponsored me in the past but Actually just bought this well actually I made my boyfriend buy it for me.
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Yeah before we get into today's video I want to say a massive thank you to Emma sleep for sponsoring today's video.
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So as I've mentioned I'm staying at my mom's house in Sydney.
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Anyway, I wanted a mattress that would be super easy
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that would just arrive in a box and all I have to do is Literally unbox it by myself.
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I'm gonna insert a video here of me doing everything.
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I got a mattress that was delivered so quickly I'm pretty sure it was next day delivery, which is wild.
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It was so easy for me to unbox by myself, okay?
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I'm gonna insert a video of me doing that.
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And also I got two pillows and they are, I am not kidding, the best pillows ever.
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Like they are so, so comfortable.
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I'm obsessed with these pillows.
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They've got so many different things on their website.
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They also have a sofa bed on the website.
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They've got different pillows, different types of mattresses.
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It's just, it's giving comfy.
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It's giving, we're sleeping well, we're waking up, we're getting shit done in 2024, which is the vibe, okay?
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I have a busy year ahead.
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I am not trying to lose sleep.
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over anything love the idea of a mattress showing up in a box
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if you guys are interested i'm going to leave everything in the description below where is my cha time.
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That's the real question here.
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Oh, he's on the way.
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He's two minutes away.
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All right.
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Today's pep talk is don't be afraid of losing people.
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Be afraid of losing yourself. Did you hear me?
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Because let me say it again.
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Don't be afraid of losing people.
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Be afraid of losing yourself.
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Let me tell you something.
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Okay?
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The more you try and control something, the more it ends up controlling you.
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Who do I think I am to give you this advice?
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It's because I'm a complete control freak.
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Like, completely.
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I want to be in control of everything.
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And it is my absolute downfall, right?
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It's a good thing, but it is also a bad thing.
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And I think it's more a bad thing than it is good.
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Because if you try and control something, then it ends up controlling you.
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If you try and control how another person is treating you, that's going to end up controlling you.
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It's a waste of time.
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Think of you in front of this puzzle and you've got this last piece and it's not fitting.
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to make peace with the fact that you have gone through
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that whole puzzle and you've done all of
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that hard work just for it to not work out is not the right piece it cannot work it cannot
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and that's the same thing with like people and friends
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and everything in your life right maybe you work
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so hard on something and then you get to the very end
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and it doesn't work out that doesn't mean everything is bad and life is horrible and you're never gonna feel happy again.
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It's just something that was right for you in that phase and then at the very end it wasn't meant to be.
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It didn't work out.
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I feel like all of us can relate to
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potentially in the past exaggerating your place in somebody's life which in turn ends up breaking your own heart.
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You know, I'm not even talking about just relationships.
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I'm just saying like, you need to stop being afraid of losing people and be more afraid of losing yourself.
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I just couldn't imagine myself changing myself
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around other people i think i would just end up
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so depressed and losing my mind because i'd be suppressing the person
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that i am on the inside who is luma what does
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she like to do what are her hobbies how does she
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feel about the world how does she feel about things i
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feel like i can get along with a lot of people okay in my last youtube video it this is
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so amazing it really gave me goosebumps i was reading all the comments
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and you guys are from
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so many different countries oh my god i was shocked i
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love it like i just was thinking to myself oh my god i could get along with so many
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different countries like I could be friends with so many of you
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that live in so many different places that come from
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so many different cultures I'm just not a judgmental person like
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I love all cultures I want to be friends with everybody um
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In the same way that I can be friends with everybody, I feel like it's easy for me to romanticize people and to meet someone and be like, oh, you're such a lovely person, like you could be a great partner.
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At least in the past I was like this.
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And I know some of you guys would be like this too.
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And the fact is, you have to just take your emotions out of things sometimes and look at things on paper.
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Almost like if you describe this person on paper, are they the perfect match for you to make you happy?
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Like that perfect match?
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Or are you just going to break your own heart by convincing yourself that this person is a perfect match?
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needs to fit your life and you need to find a way to make it work
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Because you know what happens in the end?
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You lose yourself trying to keep this person.
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Fun fact about me: I love my fluids, okay?
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I'm such a big fluids person and my drink I don't know
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if you guys have cha time overseas I don't know do people like there's there's bubble tea everywhere
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but my drink is a large peach black tea with 30 % sugar and rainbow jelly and ice always ice Amazing.
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I love the rainbow jelly.
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I love chewing the jelly.
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I feel like people do this all the time, where maybe they meet someone and the story is a little bit crazy.
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They're like, oh, we met at the most perfect timing, you know, blah, blah, blah.
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And then when it doesn't work out, they're paralyzing themselves because they're thinking, "Oh my God, I met this person in such a crazy way.
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It needs to work out.
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Otherwise, who am I gonna meet?" That's a limiting belief, We've spoken about this in the past, limiting beliefs.
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Here's an example of a limiting belief.
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This person doesn't want to be my friend anymore.
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I will never find a friend like them ever again.
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I'm useless and it just means that no one wants to be friends with me.
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You know why I'm smiling?
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Because it's funny.
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It's funny, if that person doesn't want to be your friend, you should be so excited for the new friends that are going to come into your life.
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You know what I mean?
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You never lack.
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You just transition.
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That is something that I always say that I love.
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I never lack.
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I just transition.
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If you leave me, I have learned now how to pick myself up and find even better.
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You are going to be a fucking flashback.
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What is Jhene Aiko saying in that song?
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Bounced on his ass turned that boy into a flashback.
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The fuck?
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You think I'm gonna sit there crying over you constantly?
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No, not in this lifetime.
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I don't believe in paralyzing myself over this concept and idea
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that this one person is the only person that could ever bring color into my life.
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Wild behavior.
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I refuse because it's just, it's not acceptable to think like that.
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So if you're thinking like that and you're worried and you feel
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that sense of urgency to keep someone and you're really worried about losing them, then you need to stop because there is something wrong and something we need to work on here.
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that there's a scale, right?
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And both people, whether you're friends or dating, whatever it is, both people need to respect each other.
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Respect is so big, you guys.
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Have you ever been friends with somebody that you just don't really respect that much?
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and it's like not even because they're a bad person maybe they make bad decisions for themselves
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maybe they make you cringe a little bit and you're just kind of like
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why do you do
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that you know what i mean like why do you keep running back to
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that guy when he clearly tweets you bad then you sort of like lose respect for them
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and maybe that makes you feel guilty
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but it's inevitable then the scale is tipped
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and you start feeling a type of way around them you start being more snappy more rude more resentful
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and it's the same with partners like relationships if you're dating someone
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and they're just a mad bum
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and all they do is sit around bumming it they never
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buy you flowers they never do anything for you they're literally
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just there you're not going to respect them you're going to treat them like and you guys will have problems because
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is tipped and one of you doesn't respect the other and you're just breaking your own heart, trying to convince yourself that this person deserves a place in your life.
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Wild.
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wild behavior you're just hurting yourself do you understand what I'm saying like you can't you cannot force things
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that is something that I have learned so
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when people ask me do you think that you
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and your partner are gonna get married bitch I don't know I can hope
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so I don't want to be out there on the streets
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but like I cannot help how I might feel in five years time
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or how he might feel maybe one day I wake up I hope this never happens
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but like things have changed maybe he's not And I don't think this will happen because he's very, very much the opposite of this,
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but maybe he just becomes lazy and he quits his job and he's sitting around and he doesn't want to do anything.
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If you're sitting around bumming it, I'm going to lose attraction to you and we cannot be together
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because I will not respect you the same way that I respected you once before.
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Why would you break your own heart trying to make space for this person to fit into your life
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when there are so many other people out there that you will respect, love and learn from and grow with rather than this person that's course has ended in your life?
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You understand?
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And no, it's not easy.
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It's not easy.
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It's easier said than done.
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I'm not just sitting here being like live, laugh, love.
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So we have the way we feel emotionally and then how we feel rationally.
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That's why I always try and step back and I always say, write the situation down on paper, take your emotions out of it.
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I'm going to open up to you about something.
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I feel like I have an anxious attachment style.
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I feel like I have relationship anxiety.
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If you don't know what that is, Merry Christmas to you.
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So glad you didn't experience it.
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I have this constant fear that who I am with is going to get up
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and look at me in the eyes and be like, I don't like you anymore and just leave.
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I know some of you feel that too, okay?
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So when I get these questions from you guys being like, how do you deal with relationship anxiety?
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Well, when you figure it out, you let me know.
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What I have learned through trying to deal with my relationship anxiety and going to therapy about it, reading a lot about it, is...
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I am a controlling person.
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I want to feel like I'm in control.
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But in relationships, you cannot be in control.
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And the more you focus on the fact that you cannot be in control, and the things that might distract you from that so
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that you can kind of let go of the control and live more in the moment, the more you will enjoy your relationship.
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I just choose to make myself busy.
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If he's going out, I know I'm going to feel anxious about it.
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I always do.
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I'm sorry, but that's just how I am.
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Maybe you're sitting there thinking, you?
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You feel anxious when your boyfriend goes out and stuff?
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Yes, I do.
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Yes, I sit here and give you guys advice, and I built this whole community of people, and I give you pep talks.
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I am a human being.
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I have flaws.
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The reason I've made this channel is because I struggle with things and so anyway, but I have learned to deal with how I feel
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and I'm rational and I always write things down on paper and it's like and it's like, okay, he's going out.
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He's a good boyfriend.
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If he wanted to cheat, he would.
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It doesn't matter where he is.
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It doesn't matter what career he's in.
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If he wanted to, he would.
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So if he is going to do something bad, he's going to do it.
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And me sitting here.
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pacing like this back and forth, checking his location, worrying about what he's doing is not is not going to do anything for me or the situation.
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It doesn't make it any better or worse.
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It's just a waste of my time.
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What can you do in that time to make yourself feel better?
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What I usually do is I make plans too.
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If I know he's going to go out, I'm going to be like, okay, I'll go out too.
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It's a perfect opportunity for me to go out with my friends as well.
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It's not like on some, oh, you're going out.
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I have to go out.
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No, it's like we spend a lot of time together.
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So if you're going to make plans with your friends, I'm going to make plans with my friends.
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Sometimes I don't.
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Sometimes I sit at home and I edit and stuff like that.
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You know, I do emails, whatever, about it and then we're both having a nice time away from each other then we miss each other
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when we come back together we're like So happy to see each other.
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It's a win -win situation.
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I used to be very intimidated by confident people because confident people are attractive.
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And then when I became one, I don't feel intimidated.
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When I meet somebody that can take a risk, when I meet somebody that is in their dream career and is happy with their life and has good relationships, they are somebody that is attractive to me.
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Like, I want to be your friend because everyone else is just so victim of life average.
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I don't want that.
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I don't want that average energy around me.
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You ever hung out with people and they're so boring and it's just like You feel bad about yourself 'cause you're like, "Why, I'm not fitting in with this group." No, you are too big and too colorful for them,
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so get the fuck out of that situation, okay?
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But anyway, what I was gonna say is, I find it inspiring when somebody is independent And so you should work on being like that too.
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Because if you're independent, right?
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If you're dating someone, but you still make time for your friends, you still go on girls trips, you save your money, and you go overseas and see the things
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that you wanted to see before you even started dating this person, they are less likely to get up and just leave you one day because you are somebody that inspires them.
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You're gonna get sick of something if you have it 24 /7 in front of you.
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If you gave me this drink every single day, I mean, I do have this drink almost damn near every day.
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But really though, if you put that drink in front of me every single day, I will get sick of it.
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It's the way the world works.
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It's the way we work.
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If you're with your partner every single day.
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and they are nagging you they're like scared to lose you they control you you're gonna get the ick.
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You're not gonna want to be with them.
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Sooner or later, you guys are gonna break up.
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So if you want to save your friendships, your relationship, if you want to be attractive, be independent.
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You need to sit down and write down your goals on paper.
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I do this all the time.
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I manifest everything that I want all the fucking time, okay?
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This is what I want for 2024.
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I want to go to America.
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I actually do want to go on a big trip to the States.
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I want to see New York.
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I want to do this.
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I want to start a podcast.
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I want to do that.
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This is separate to my own goals.
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I was my own person before we started dating.
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I don't have to do everything with him.
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Maybe I want to go on a girl's trip.
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He doesn't have to come with me everywhere.
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Like, hello, I want to do my own things.
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I don't want to resent him and spend 24 /7 with him, and then one day, one of us wakes up and is like, Bitch, I've lost myself.
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All I do is hang out with you and we don't do our own thing.
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That's not healthy.
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That's how you're going to just lose that person.
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Stop.
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I am more afraid of not doing things because of a relationship.
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And I think that's healthy because in turn it makes my partner more attracted to me
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because I chase my dreams and I'm my own person.
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If you pull something you're just pushing them away.
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But if you push back and you're working on yourself they'll always be there.
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You will be their Roman Empire.
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Do you get what I'm saying?
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I don't mean this in a vain way.
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And if you take this as me being up myself, go ahead, doll, go off.
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But I'm telling you, I don't mean this in a vain way.
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"but I know for a fact that everyone I've ever dated thinks about me to this day.
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I know it, okay?
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I know it.
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I know for a fact that they lurk on my YouTube and my Instagram and they watch my shit and they care.
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I'm not saying they want to date me.
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Maybe they're in other relationships.
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They'll never get over me because...
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I am independent, always have been, always will be.
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I'm not that ex that you stalk and you're like, ooh, her boyfriend's kinda, she downgraded.
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No, it's only up from here.
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I never lack.
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I transition.
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Like I said before, I don't lack.
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That's how it is.
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Take it or leave it.
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Do you want to be the 10 % of people in this world
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that just keep being resilient and moving forward or the other 90 % that is just so victim of life?
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Here's my sob story.
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Am I going to sit around here holding it on my shoulder like I'm Santa with a big sack being like, this is my sad story.
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No, I just keep transitioning.
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keep going up and I know for a fact
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that I am these clowns Roman Empire for life for life because I am independent.
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And they know they'll never find another one like me.
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I'm not saying I'm the prettiest.
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I'm saying I'm independent and that is something that is attractive and that is something that is unforgettable.
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Because that means that these people that try and play you, when you bounce on them, they know.
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They'll always sit there feeling like, "Oh, she really did that.
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She just moved on.
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She did all the things she said she was gonna do."
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If I tell you that I'm going to go to New York this year, bitch, I'm going.
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And that's something that the people in my life know, and I think that's why they want to stay friends with me.
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She is a doer.
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When she says something, she does it.
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There's no cap here.
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When I say it, I'm on the way to doing it.
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That is today's pep talk.
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Don't be afraid of losing that person.
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Be afraid of losing yourself in the process of keeping them.
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But I hope you guys liked today's pep talk.
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I feel like this was a pretty good pep talk.
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Usually that's the case when I don't have any notes and I'm just kind of...
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speaking about things.
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But yeah, I hope you guys liked today's video.
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I am so excited to read your comments about what you guys think about me starting a podcast.
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If you have any requests or anything, I already have a name.
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I'm going to get some nice lighting and cameras and I have a co -host for some of my podcast episodes.
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She is amazing.
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She is so funny.
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She has such good advice.
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I'm excited.
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I'm so excited for 2024 and I love you guys
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so very much and I will see you guys in my next video next week.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 348 sentences and 3944 words to shadow. The speech runs for 17:57. The speaker talks fast, about 220 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| podcast noun | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | A program, especially an audio program, produced on a regular basis, delivered over the Internet in a compressed digital format and designed for playback on… |
| transition noun | /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/ | The process of change from one form, state, style or place to another. |
| pillow noun | /ˈpɪl.oʊ/ [ˈpʰɪɫ.ö̞] | A soft cushion used to support the head in bed. |
| mattress noun | /ˈmætɹɪs/ | A pad on which a person can recline and sleep, usually having an inner section of coiled springs covered with foam or other cushioning material then enclosed… |
| belief noun | /bɪˈliːf/ | Mental acceptance of a claim as true. |
| anxiety noun | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | An unpleasant state of mental uneasiness, nervousness, apprehension and obsession or concern about some uncertain event. |
| anxious adjective | /ˈæŋkʃəs/ | Nervous and worried. |
| sponsor noun | /ˈspɒn.səː/ | A person or organization with some sort of responsibility for another person or organization, especially where the responsibility has a religious, legal, or… |
| jelly noun | /ˈd͡ʒɛli/ | A dessert made by boiling gelatine (or a plant-based alternative such as agar or carrageenan), sugar and some flavouring (often derived from fruit) and… |
| commit verb | /kəˈmɪt/ | To give in trust; to put into charge or keeping; to entrust; to consign; used with to or formerly unto. |
| overseas adverb | /ˌoʊvɚˈsiːz/ | Abroad. |
| convince verb | /kənˈvɪns/ | To make someone believe, or feel sure about something, especially by using logic, argument or evidence. |
| fluid noun | /ˈflu.ɪd/ | Any substance which can flow with relative ease, tends to assume the shape of its container, and obeys Bernoulli's principle; a liquid, gas or plasma. |
| emotion noun | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | A person's internal state of being and involuntary physiological response to an object or a situation, based on or tied to physical state and sensory data. |
| bounce verb | /baʊns/ | To change the direction of motion after hitting an obstacle. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. | |
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. | |
| work out verb | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | To calculate. |
| sit around verb | To spend time sitting idly, not doing anything important. | |
| wake up verb | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | To stop sleeping; to awake. |
| get up verb | To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb. | |
| break up verb | To break or separate into pieces. | |
| come back verb | To return to a place. |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 167 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, you're, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: transition /tɹænˈzɪʃ.ən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, shock /ʃɔk/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/
- Long words — get the stress right: anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, acceptable /əkˈsɛp.tə.bəl/, inevitable /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbəl/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like podcast, transition, pillow.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | i've been staying · have been putting · I've been thinking |
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | If he wanted to cheat, he would · If he wanted to, he would |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have sponsored · I've mentioned · have gone |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | isn't sponsored · was delivered · wasn't meant |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.