Shadowing Practice: 10 social rules every smart woman should know - Learn English Speaking with Video
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There are certain social rules and nobody teaches you because technically they're not rules.
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Like nobody's gonna pull you aside until you're breaking them, but people will make their thoughts about you
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or write you off before you've even had the chance to get to know them.
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And I know some of you are gonna be like, well, I don't want to get to know them either then.
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But girlfriend, this is not really how the world works.
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And trust me, a lot of these are things I wish someone had told me
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so I didn't have to look like an idiot.
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And I hate the excuse, it wasn't my intention.
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As if that dismisses the poor lack of thought.
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So we're going to change that.
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So I wrote down 10 of my social rules that I think every smart woman should know.
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Some of these are going to sound so simple, but if you start paying attention, you'll realize how many people break them.
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Hi muses.
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Welcome back to the channel where the women who want everything learn to have their cake and eat it too.
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I'm your host Nadine.
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And today we are getting into the 10 unwritten social rules every smart woman should know.
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Also, if you like conversations like this, make sure you're in my Inner Circle newsletter.
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It's free.
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I'll link it in the description box below.
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And as always, we don't gatekeep, so let's step into it.
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Rule number one, never make someone regret telling you something.
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If someone tells you something vulnerable, embarrassing, private, or even just personal, don't make them regret giving you access to that information.
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Don't bring it up in front of other people.
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Don't turn it into a joke three weeks later.
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Don't tell your boyfriend because he doesn't count.
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He counts.
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And most importantly, don't ever use it against them, even when you're angry, even when you are no longer friends.
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And never put her in a position to try to out her either.
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When someone gives you sensitive information, they're also giving you a bit of responsibility for how to handle it.
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People remember who made them feel safe.
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Rule number two, 2.
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Know when to move on from a conversation topic.
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I think one of the most underrated signs of social intelligence is knowing when to let something go.
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I went to this networking meetup where this guy kept going back to a topic
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because he was so worked up about it, but everyone else had moved on from it hours ago.
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And it just got to a point where everyone was kind of annoyed and irritated.
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It's kind of like when you have
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that one uncle who won't shut up about politics at the family dinner and no one wants to talk to him anymore.
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And the vibes are just kind of stale and awkward, but he doesn't get the memo.
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Don't be that person.
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Rule number three, protect people's dignity in public.
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Your friend who says something wrong, you don't always need a corrector in front of everyone.
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Your significant other is telling the story and gets a detail wrong.
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Oh my God, that's not how it happened.
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This is how it happened.
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And you hijack the conversation girl what are you doing someone sneezes
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and has snot running down their face sometimes the kindest thing you can do is to look away
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and let them handle it there are people who will embarrass other people for a laugh
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or expose something because it makes the story better
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or publicly correct people because they need everyone to know
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that they are right don't trade someone else's sensitivity for 10
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seconds of social currency protect people in public handle problems in private.
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Rule number four, never compete with someone else's good news.
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Your friend says I got promoted and you go, oh my God, congratulations.
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I'm actually up for a promotion too.
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Let her have her moment.
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Sometimes being a good friend means being able to let someone else be the main character
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when it's time for them to shine.
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Celebrate her, ask questions, be excited.
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You don't lose anything by letting another woman have her moment.
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Rule number five, no VIP access with people with GA tickets.
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I honestly didn't really know what to call this one, but this is actually something I first learned with dating before I started applying it to all areas of my life.
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And I love it.
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There's this idea now that vulnerability automatically creates intimacy and it can, but vulnerability and intimacy are not the same thing.
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You can tell someone your entire childhood trauma within 45 minutes of meeting them and still not actually know each other.
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Real intimacy requires time, consistency, and reciprocal trust.
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So the girl you've hung out with twice doesn't need to know the entire lore behind your last friendship breakup.
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And someone you've been dating for three weeks doesn't need to know every insecurity or every shitty relationship you've been in.
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People have to earn access to you over time.
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Chemistry and familiarity is not trust.
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Oversharing is not intimacy.
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Rule number six, invitations are information.
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This one might hurt some feelings, but pay attention to who invites you, who initiates with you, who includes you, and who reciprocates.
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If you've asked someone to hang out three times and she said no every time without ever suggesting another date, that's a data point.
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If you are always organizing the dinners, checking in, remembering birthdays, and keeping the entire your friendship alive.
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that's a data point.
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If someone is always having parties and get togethers that you only find out about after it happens, that's a data point.
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But not all of these require confrontation.
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Sometimes you just need to see clearly where you stand with them and then move on.
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Rule number seven, never punish someone for saying no. If your friend says she can't come to dinner, just say, no worries girl next time.
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Not wow okay I guess you're too busy for us now even
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if you are joking okay because it's not a funny joke.
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If someone doesn't want to drink stop asking them why.
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If someone doesn't want to talk about something move on
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because every time you punish someone for saying no you're telling them
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that it's not okay for them to be real with you and that's exhausting.
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Nothing kills a friendship faster.
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So give people room to say no and you'll actually create more honest relationships.
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Rule number eight, remember the little things.
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This is probably the easiest social skill on this entire list.
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Remember what people tell you.
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If your friend tells you that her mom is having surgery next Tuesday, text her on Tuesday.
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If your significant other has a huge presentation coming up, ask them how it went.
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Friend is back from vacation, be excited and be ready to ask about their trip.
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This sounds so basic, but think about how good it feels when someone remembers something that you mentioned weeks ago.
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Because what's actually being communicated is I care about you.
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I'm paying attention and I'm interested in being part of your life.
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And if you have a terrible memory, just put it in your calendar.
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Rule number nine, don't make people guess where they stand with you.
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This is something I've come to appreciate more and more as I got older.
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Give people compliments and be real with how you feel.
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Tell people you appreciate them tell people if they did an amazing job
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if you had a great time meeting someone tell them you had
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so much fun with them something
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that really changed my viewpoint is this quote i read a
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while ago and it's give people their flowers
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while they are still around to receive them but also
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if you've grown apart from a friend learn to communicate
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so you don't leave them hanging and confused too
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and lastly rule number 10 your reputation enters the room before you do this is the rule
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that defines where you sit in your social circles.
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Your reputation is more than just what people think of you or your accomplishments.
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It's your character and values.
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And I think people forget that.
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Do you show up?
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Can you keep your word?
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Do you celebrate other women?
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Are you gracious when there's nothing to gain?
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Do you talk poorly about every other friend?
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Do you make people feel good about themselves?
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Because people talk, not necessarily in some bad gossipy way, but think about how often we say things like, oh my God, I love her.
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You guys would totally get along.
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She's so sweet.
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I think you should invite her.
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That is your reputation working for you.
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And the opposite happens too.
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So if you think you need to do some damage control, instead of thinking about how to get more people to like you, think about what it's like being your friend,
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what it's like getting to know you or work with you.
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What do people experience when they interact with you?
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Character determines whether people want you to stick around and that's all 10.
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You just have to understand that the ways you treat people really do add up
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and eventually how people feel in your presence becomes part of your reputation in your absence.
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That's all the cake I have for you today.
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Thank you so much for watching until the end.
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I appreciate it so much and if you enjoyed our little chat today, please like, hype, and leave a comment to share your thoughts and I'll see you in the next episode.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “10 social rules every smart woman should know”. This video has 135 sentences and 1610 words to shadow. The speech runs for 8:40. The speaker talks fast, about 186 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 89% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| reputation noun | /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/ | What somebody or something is known for. |
| intimacy noun | /ˈɪn.tɪ.mə.si/ | Intimate relationship. |
| friendship noun | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | The condition of being friends. |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
| regret verb | /ɹɪˈɡɹɛt/ | To feel sorry about (a thing that has or has not happened), afterthink: to wish that a thing had not happened, that something else had happened instead. |
| invite verb | /ɪnˈvaɪt/ | To ask for the presence or participation of someone or something. |
| communicate verb | /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ | To impart or transmit (information or knowledge) to someone; to make known, to tell. |
| punish verb | /ˈpʌnɪʃ/ | To cause (a child, student, or someone else being looked after, or a suspect or criminal) to suffer for crime or misconduct, to administer disciplinary action… |
| vulnerability noun | /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/ | The state of being vulnerable; susceptibility to attack or injury, either physical or emotional; the state or condition of being weak or poorly defended. |
| earn verb | /ɝn/ | To gain (success, reward, recognition) through applied effort or work. |
| necessarily adverb | /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/ | Inevitably; of necessity. |
| confused adjective | /kənˈfjuːzd/ | unable to think clearly or understand |
| sensitive adjective | /ˈsɛn.sɪt.ɪv/ | Having the faculty of sensation; pertaining to the senses. |
| uncle noun | /ˈʌŋ.kl̩/ | The brother or brother-in-law of one’s parent. |
| flower noun | /ˈfloʊɚ/ | A reproductive structure in angiosperms (flowering plants), often conspicuously colourful and typically including sepals, petals, and either or both stamens… |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| add up verb | To take the sum of; to total. |
| come up verb | To emerge or become known, especially unexpectedly. |
| get along verb | To interact or coexist well, without argument or trouble. |
| go back to verb | To stem from; to originate in. |
| look away verb | To ignore something; to pretend not to have seen or noticed something; to avoid dealing with something. |
| run down verb | To hit someone with a car or other vehicle and injure or kill them. |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. |
| stick around verb | To stay; to linger; to remain. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Can you keep your word?
- Do you celebrate other women?
- Are you gracious when there's nothing to gain?
- Do you talk poorly about every other friend?
- Do you make people feel good about themselves?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | you've even had · you've hung · you've been |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | women who want · friend who says · people who will |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 49 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, doesn't, you've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: reputation /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, promotion /pɹəˈmoʊʃn̩/, congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/
- Long words — get the stress right: reputation /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/, intimacy /ˈɪn.tɪ.mə.si/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, vulnerability /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like reputation, intimacy, friendship.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.