쉐도잉 연습: live the life you desire - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

Living the life you desire.

It takes time understanding what it is that we desire or getting back in touch with it.

I've been thinking about this because this past few months,

this summer, this kind of allotted period of time that I had in London doing a mix of things.

Sometimes we're just saying yes to things, having some new experiences, acquiring skills or ways of thinking

when it comes to writing that I had never really opened my mind to before, sort of expanding my knowledge through class -like settings,

groups, critiques, putting work out there in real time for experts to break down and help me with,

which has been so interesting and humbling and gratifying.

And also, on top of that, working on a dream lifelong project.

I've been working on it for the past few years and then really going in and designing the past six months, and you guys will hear all about it very,

very soon, but since I I was very little.

My dream was to have a print published book.

In moments like this, when you start to see the hard work pay off, it takes me back to the times where I had fear and I thought, oh, this is not moving fast enough.

I'm getting older by the second.

These are still things I think about all the time.

Like, okay, I'm getting too old for this now, or I need to be doing things this way, or am I doing things fast enough, fast enough.

The world is constantly moving fast, and it's only getting faster.

Everything with AI, technology, it maybe sometimes it feels like it's not worth it

or it's not worth the waiting or the work or wondering if it's gonna work out.

And I think this crazy summer of expanding my writing experience and mind and life has showed me,

no, it all happened at the right time.

In the right place at the right time, even whenever I felt like it was all wrong,

It was happening in divine timing because I had to go through the life experiences that then inspired the work, the poetry, the visuals,

and also got me to a point to where I was able to resource from certain areas of my life

or maybe make a certain connection

that I wouldn't have been able to a few years before

meeting the right people to help me bring this to fruition and also being ready to do something like this.

I think, you know, we talk all the time about how it's so easy to say, I want this, but do you actually, do you actually feel as though you're worthy of it?

Do you believe in your vision?

About to go work on the cover of the book.

What I was working on this summer, like, the big reason why I was there was to get this print book independently printed, and that takes a lot of money,

time, resources, and effort, and that's something that I didn't really know

if I was ready to take on until I was rejected and told no a certain amount of times,

until I gathered enough knowledge from the people around me and how they've published things,

into researching people who I look up to and how they went about getting their first projects out into the world.

It took a lot of understanding that I wanted to take on the responsibility of doing this independently.

So that's what I mean in saying that everything happened the way that it was supposed to at the right time, because I wouldn't have come to those conclusions earlier.

This could not have necessarily been rushed.

This summer, it was kind of rushed and compiled into a short period of time,

and I guess that's why every day felt so full of something new and a new experience.

And I feel like I've learned so much about the process of creating a poetry collection,

creating a print publication, when it comes to working with other people who I trust, other artists who I trust,

being a writer trying to get certain ideas out into the world.

It feels like such an introspective process a lot of the time. Being...

In London for the summer was such a beautiful experience of sort of externalizing

that inner work and putting it to the test

and also being somewhere that is constantly moving and there's so much to see and do.

It was sort of like exercising all of the things

that I have inside and learning how to get them out onto the page,

whether that is in script form or in memoir form or in this print publication and taking classes,

learning how to get this stuff out in a structured way that maybe makes sense to the rest of the world.

The The The The The The

The The The

I'm going to go

to the next one.

Thank you.

I'm really sorry about that.

Oh God.

That was so funny.

Yeah, he's so cute.

Yeah, he did a little bit in the camera.

Yeah, he did a little bit in the camera.

Right.

This is nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I went to see her.

I went to the bus.

I went to the bus.

I'm sorry.

I think it was the semi -final or it was before that, I don't remember, but I had gone to go watch one of the games and afterward,

it was just such an interesting welcome to London

because everyone had like their England shirts on and hats

and everyone was throwing the hats

and then there were these like twitch streamers coming up

and climbing on the street lights and such a such an England English pride moment

I'm currently walking the streets of London It's freezing outside.

What is this heat wave that everyone was talking about?

I'm sorry. so so

Oh, my God.

I'm

going to

go to the next video.

I always think that I'm like some expert with the tube when I return from London, but this time we've actually become an expert at the tube, okay?

Like I really do feel like I understand the underground, the overground, the Thames link, where if I'm in this area, how I'm going to get over here.

I mean, of course I'm using the map constantly, but I really do think I've established more of an understanding that makes me feel very confident.

I feel proud that I sort of got into my like regular routines

and roots and sort of figured out exactly where I need to go and how I can get there.

Because there were some learning curves, but I really, really enjoy using the public transportation.

It is something that I will miss the most

when I leave is that I've realized I don't really care to drive myself.

I don't dislike driving, but it's not something that I need personally, is what I have realized this summer.

Something that makes me love London so much is the ability to access nature in a big city really at any time.

If I had a lot of writing work to do or classwork or just working through some ideas,

I would really crave to be in nature and I also love swimming.

So I would take myself to Hampstead Heath a lot.

There are some ponds that you can swim in there.

And I had known that for a long time, but I had never actually been in one before.

And there is a ladies pond, there's a men's pond, there's a mixed pond.

I took myself on a like day -long walk all throughout the Heath

because it's really big and I really feel like I only graze the surface and would like to spend more days there.

But in the time that I had, I did go to the ladies swimming pond

and it books up really fast based on the weather and during the summer and the heat wave,

it was just sort of hard to plan out when to go but everything came together one day and I went.

I was reading my little roomy poetry pocketbook

and just taking it all in

and it felt like a little piece of home had come with me to where I was traveling

because like you guys have probably seen in a lot of my videos natural swimming holes

and basking in the sun and all these things and sometimes

when I'm in you know busy London I don't always associate it with

that type of slowed down swimming sun lifestyle but I really had felt that this day.

I was very happy after that swim and I took a really long way back home and cooked myself dinner at home. so I'm

sorry.

The You

can have the life that you desire.

I'm reading this manifestation scripting that I did like four years ago about being here when I was older in London.

And here I am sat underneath the honeysuckle.

I can smell the honeysuckle.

I'm on a sun lounger in the garden by all these flowers.

It's almost midnight.

I'm having a glass of rosé.

And maybe I am the most at peace that I ever have been.

It doesn't mean it doesn't come with sacrifice or loneliness or confusion or doubt or fear or struggle.

But it can all exist together.

That can lead you here.

In the midst of working and going to class every week, I did have two trips planned, two weekend trips.

One of them was to Puglia, Italy with my cousins.

I have more to say and to show in a future video that is coming.

I went back to class during the week

and then I went to Paris to go visit some friends that have just moved there.

oh my god she's finding new ways new things to touch that haven't been recently already touched by her body heat

cool surfaces oh the ground no it's like a lukewarm like are you kidding

place was so warm i was like an eye out i know you want to crunch on

that but i'm scared

but inshallah it'll crunch inshallah it's gonna crunch right now ready please please put it in the freezer if it doesn't

oh yes it's gonna crunch yes yes yes anaya did you hear that man oh my god

guess what guys

I'm not sure what you're doing.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I've let you guys into a lot of snippets of how I'm feeling or my life experience,

and it's really cool to be able to look back on kind of all these lessons

and chapters and ways of thought throughout the past few years, and even recently, and how it all kind of culminates into the next.

And living life this summer as a working artist in a city that I always dreamed to be in, I thought to myself, how did I get here?

It took lessons.

It took me realizing, okay, what is keeping me from where I want to go?

And how can I live the life I desire?

It took me asking these questions of what do I desire?

What do I want?

And that answer is always ever -changing.

It never has to be some clear, concrete thing.

What was it that I always wanted?

Growing up in life and now, what is it that brings me fulfillment and joy?

And these sound like simple questions, but I honestly think that we lose touch of this very much

so when we're kind of becoming adults or trying to form our career

and getting all this advice left

and right from people who think you should be doing this or that you're not doing this right or, you know, the people who would have, if they could go back and have another chance, what they would have done differently.

What is it that I desire? and I found that answer by kind of going a little bit,

tapping into my imagination, giving myself permission to sort of separate myself from all of that noise, from all of the logic,

which is a privileged headspace to be in.

If none of my responsibilities or fears or limitations mattered, what is it that I would want to be doing with my life, doing with my time?

How would I want to be impacting the world?

Just letting yourself desire it for a second before all the noise starts to leak in, what is it that I desire?

What would be the dream?

I would look back on the past

and it always was kind of the same thing and I think it is still sort of the same thing.

Now I say sort of because like I said we're always growing.

Yes, there's a limitation here.

Yes, they're telling me I can't do it like this.

Yes, you know, whatever.

So many things to consider but this is what I desire.

The place in your life that you don't want to be in

or whatever you're trying to overcome or transmute or change becomes, oh, I'm here for a reason.

Oh, this is a very important step in my journey.

Oh, this was a lesson that I needed to learn that I hadn't yet, and I'm being presented with all the tools I need right now.

What can I make out of this?

I think of that version of myself, who is me, you know, you can think of it as something so separate outside of yourself, but I think of those goals that I have.

I try to incorporate and include that in my life no matter what of yes

that is me that future that i envision

that is me i see it for a reason i picture

it for a reason therefore i'm going to live as though

that is my reality

and that's going to catch up to me in time that's how you invent something

if you can picture it

and you're starting kind of from ground zero with all these little pieces

or things you could build it with keep that invention that vision at the forefront of your mind, your problems, your lack of motivation, work with these things.

Why do you feel a lack of motivation?

That could give you some serious answers and information.

as to how to get you to that goal, how to turn you into that artist who puts out a piece, who feels confident and sharing it with the world.

Like, where are these limitations?

Where are you holding yourself back?

How are you living your everyday?

How do you expect something to just magically fall into your lap?

No, this needs to be formed through our everyday mindset, through how we're living right now.

And I'm so passionate about that because there were times when my outside reality did not match what was going on inside.

And now I'm watching it start to catch up in these physical ways.

And it is shocking and emotional and so beautiful, but it's also not very shocking because I already lived the experience in my mind so many times that like,

you know, when I'm looking at the book in person, people around me are freaking out and getting excited.

And of course, yes, I'm so grateful and I'm so excited.

I'm already like on the next thing, which maybe is a problem in itself and we need to kind of slow down, be present.

We'll talk about that in the upcoming weeks here.

But I already made that a reality in my mind that I was chasing, that I was living out of,

that yes, I get to enjoy the gratifying ways that my physical world has caught up, the environment that I'm finally in,

the things that I've worked on that I'm finally holding.

But it came from living as though that could be true.

If I was living out of a belief system that I couldn't do that, or it was too big of a dream, or it would just happen later down the line, then that would be the reality I was creating for myself.

But instead I was thinking, no, this is a possibility, this is coming to fruition, I'm actively in the process of doing it by learning this lesson,

by doing this thing, by working this job.

I am on my way there.

And we're still here after 36 years playing right here in Colville Garden.

A lot of you weren't born yet, but we were here long before you were.

And it's nice to see new people, fresh faces.

I'm sorry.

I'm here to see if I could get this developed the next hour.

Let me check with my colleagues because it's a half minute.

Yes, I know.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

It worked.

We're getting them in the next hour.

And the industry is incredibly reactionary a lot of the time.

There's so many things you don't see in terms of conversations

that I've had with people that I am so grateful for

and just will try to be able to relay these experiences

and things that I've learned as I continue to create and write and film moving forward,

but also so many moments of taking myself to do things when I wasn't in the best headspace.

You guys have seen

that in some of my past few videos of just allowing all the emotions to exist at once

and enjoying my surroundings while also maybe feeling sort of sad

or confused on the inside and just moving through all of it and I'm just so glad that I did.

Oh yeah, that's kind of what I was saying way earlier, circling back, is how being an artist

and a writer is such an internal experience that I - feel like getting it out there and being like tactile.

I guess as a writer because when you're painting and doing other things like you do use your hands a lot, there's just so much going on up here.

Living, being face to face with people and just like being in big crowds

and being around people and listening to music and having fun.

You write from real human experiences, real lived experiences, real dynamics and relationships and environments.

I guess what I'm really trying to get at is the work pays off.

These little tiny pieces of motivation and action into what it is

that you want and one day it does add up into a physical object

or experience and it's so cool it's just it's just

so exciting to see thank you guys for watching these snippets of my life as a writer

and artist in london i'm so grateful to take you guys on the journey with me

and to share bits of my experience what i've learned what i've seen

and i'm so grateful that you're here with me thank you

so much for watching and for listening and i will talk to you again very very soon Bye.

Thank you.