쉐도잉 연습: Nobody Teaches Women This About Love (And It Costs Us Years) - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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If you're a woman who falls in love, if you're a woman who is dating, and unfortunately this is actually going to apply to mostly heterosexual women, because that's where a lot of us really be going through it.
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If you're a woman who falls in love, if you're a woman who is dating, and unfortunately this is actually going to apply to mostly heterosexual women, because that's where a lot of us really be going through it.
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So my queer girlies, apologies, but I think anybody can pick from what I'm about to say today.
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I tell you, as a woman who has seen the lives of many great women be pillaged, decimated and desecrated by an attachment to romantic love, I think that this video is long overdue.
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Grab your pen and your paper or open your ears.
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Class begins.
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Number one.
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There is no reward or award for suffering, only exploitation.
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The world profits off women who are insecure, seeking approval and exhausted.
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You will not gain anything now by overdoing, overexerting, trying to prove your worth.
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There is no heaven for you.
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There is no place where you will go and be paid for your smallness, for your compliance, for your exhaustion, for losing yourself.
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Nothing. Zilch.
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You gain absolute **** all.
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If you do not control the resources, you will never have power.
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You will only have opinions.
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Now listen, I know we live in a time where there are scoundrels on the internet pushing you towards topics like how to find a provider man, how to get princess treatment.
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Let me tell you something.
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If you want power, become a powerful woman.
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If you want money, become a woman who has money.
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Anything you want, become it.
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Being provided for is not the same thing as being valued or respected.
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Instead of looking for providers, look for your equal.
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Look for partners in crime.
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Look for people you build empires with.
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Whatever an empire is to you, listen, not every woman wants to, not every woman has to dream of, you know, being a company CEO.
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Not every woman has to do that.
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But all I'm saying is find your equal.
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When I say equals, I'm not talking just materialistic.
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No, I'm talking equals mentally, heart-wise, value -wise.
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Be with somebody who sees the world the way you do.
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Not in everything, but at the core, your core values should be shared.
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Please go get yours.
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Stop allowing airheads.
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Yes, I said it, airheads to sit on this internet.
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On Maya Angelou's internet, if she was here, she'd be running this thing.
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To sit here and lead you to hell.
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Powerful people get into relationships with powerful people.
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Go and check the patterns.
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We can't be saying that we're sick of the patriarchy while feeding it.
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Oh, in the same sentence, you're saying decenter men, you turn left and you're like, how to get princess treatment.
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Are you crazy?
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In the same sentence, you turn right.
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How to find the provider man.
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It's giving deranged.
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Please, my babies.
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Because a lot of us, whether we like it or not, it's performative.
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You don't need to be having, oh my God, I'm decentering men, I'm decentering man, it's noise, stop it.
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Just start living your life with you at the center and you won't need all this chippy, chippy, chippy.
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We are refusing in truth.
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Kill that Disney romantic helplessness.
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You know that thing you learned from Disney, where all of your problems will arrive, solved by this knight in shining armor.
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Kill it, kill it.
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Nobody's coming to save you.
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You are going to have all of this extreme want and hopelessness and need transferred onto another person's body.
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So when they arrive into your life, they will never ever be enough because you have all these things that you've built up in your head that are not realistic and quite frankly, unfair.
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Get your house in order so that when you meet somebody and you require something from them, it will be an extension of your reality.
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You're not telling them to create a new world for you.
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You are asking them to match what your world already holds.
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Please, please, my darlings, please.
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Like my heart really breaks when I see young women talking like somebody cooked their brains because someone actually did.
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Stop allowing people to chip away at your medulla.
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The only way to get the life of your dreams is intermission.
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If you've ever watched my videos and you're like, you know what?
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Yes, I get it, but I need something more hands-on.
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I struggle with self-love.
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I struggle with my confidence.
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To help me with self-respect, just to help me come into myself, to help me unpack things that might have happened to me.
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I've made workbooks to help you with this at your own pace.
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You don't have to rush them.
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You take your time.
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You can find them at theneurocosmic.com.
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All right, back to the video.
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The only way to get the life of your dreams is by becoming somebody who can live it.
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And that takes me to my next point.
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Your attention is an investment.
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Baby, invest wisely.
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Or better still, I'll tell you where to invest it, in yourself.
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Because when you flourish, everything around you flourishes.
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When you're doing well, when you're okay, when you're balanced, everything you touch receives that balance.
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Overgiving doesn't create security, okay?
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So doing more, fixing more, forgiving more, showing up more does not make a person value you more.
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It just makes them believe and see that you can accept less.
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Oh, I don't even need to do much.
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I don't even need to show up.
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They will just keep trying to prove themselves.
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Okay, this is what they accept.
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When people do less, disengage.
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And you're not disengaging as a way to play games.
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No, no, not at all.
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You're disengaging because you respect yourself.
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And a lot of people will be like, yeah, but like, if I disengage, and then now they know that this is who I am, and then they play it up, do I go back?
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In my life, I don't.
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If you have to test me to see if you can play with me, you're not my type.
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You're not my type, sorry.
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Wasting five, 10, 15, 20, 25 years of your life is worse than whatever judgment you fear that the people around you or your community will place on you if you left now.
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Unless your life is truly in danger.
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Let me tell you something.
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Wasting even another day of your life is worse.
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Think about it this way.
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You get on a train, you miss your first stop.
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You can either get out on the next stop, or you stay there and you're like, oh my God, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
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And you miss seven more stops.
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Remember, the longer you stay on the train, the more expensive it gets, the more time you lose.
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So even though I've missed my first stop, fine.
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I just get off the next stop, which makes it easier to get back to the first stop.
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Leaving will hurt you.
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Staying will cost you.
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Pick your poison.
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Romance, and I was having this conversation with my sister yesterday.
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Romantic love should be assessed like a business partnership.
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Sue me. Now let me paint you a picture.
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If I walked up to you, maybe not me because you know me on the internet, so you might say yes immediately.
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But no, let's say a random person walked up to you, or even a friend that you know.
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And they're like, hey baby, come on baby, let's start a business.
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Y'all will sit down and plotch.
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You will check all these things.
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You might even get a contract.
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You might even get a lawyer.
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You might even say, can you write me a proposal?
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Y'all will do all of these things for business contracts.
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But for somebody that some of you want to be sleeping and waking up next to, some of you even want to have children with these people, you will do due diligence to build a company, to start a business, but not to let it rando into your home.
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Girl, you don't see how crazy it is, no?
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Is it just me?
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Where does this thing see itself in a year, in two years?
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What do I benefit?
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Am I going to lose my principle?
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What interest will I have?
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How does my interest mature?
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Is this a private, a public limited company?
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Are we selling shares in this company?
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Yes, even if it's not a serious connection, it matters.
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Y'all be letting anything and anything and anything and anything into your homes.
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Girl, tighten up.
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Does it fit into my life, into my future?
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Stick to the plan.
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Don't change your plans.
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Stick to the plan.
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Honestly, as I'm talking about this, I'm seeing it in my head.
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So many women who I know have changed their big, serious life goals because they met somebody.
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Suddenly all their plans have gone to the side.
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Well, I mean, girl, stick to the plan.
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If you have to literally decimate your own dreams, your own goals, that is not the love of your life.
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Love of your life will not require you to lose personhood, to be with them.
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No, they're not the love of your life.
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Wake up. High standards expose weak systems.
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Being low maintenance doesn't actually help you.
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It just makes you low priority.
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That's all.
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So keep your standards high and watch the systems collapse.
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And you might think, yeah, but my standards are too high.
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That's why I'm losing people.
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No, your standards are exposing people you're not compatible with.
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And that's okay.
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If they mock your standards, they can't meet it.
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Next, inconsistent effort creates addiction, not love.
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And you're not immune to it either.
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So don't sit there trying to argue.
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Well, last week he did this.
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And at the first one month he did this, they did this for me.
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And now they're doing this.
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How do I get them back to do that?
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Once someone is inconsistent with you, you should start having hives, okay?
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Break out in hives and vanish.
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Potential is not reality.
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Date reality.
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So date who is in front of you.
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And it's quite unfair too, to look at a person and then project all these things that they must become on them.
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And then when they're not that thing, then you hate on them.
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Then you make them feel small because, well, I thought you'd become this person.
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Date who they are showing you they are.
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If you don't like them, you don't like them. But the people you date, they are human beings too.
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They have feelings, okay?
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So if you know that they're not who you want, don't date them and be hoping that they turn into who you have in your head.
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Oh, I feel like I'm being so mean.
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But we need it, we need it.
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Men rarely leave what benefits them.
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Did you know?
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That's why you see a man, a relationship of 70 years and they're like, oh yeah, they've been together for 70 years.
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And the man has cheated 27 million times in that 70 years.
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But the woman is slaving.
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You know, the number one woman I talked about when I said this video.
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Exhausted, giving everything.
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And it's like 70 years of marriage.
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He will never leave.
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He hated her by year two.
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But he's getting all these things.
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He would never, ever leave.
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That's why you must make sure you are benefiting too.
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Which is why I'm saying marry equals.
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Marry people that are partners in life.
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So make sure you are benefiting too.
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If you're not benefiting, get out of there.
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Get out of here man, shit, I'm saying.
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And this is for my really empathetic girlies, very kind and sweet ones who like communicating.
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If you have to explain basic human empathy multiple times, it's not miscommunication, it's incompatibility.
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It is not your duty to teach anybody that is a grown person, basic human decency.
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It is not your job.
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You're not responsible for teaching them emotional maturity.
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They can take a class, quit now.
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Nobody's paying you salary.
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Thank you. If they move too fast, they are trying to skip compatibility checks.
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Stop it. Have your red light, your green light and your amber light.
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You know, your traffic light system.
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Make sure it's on.
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No matter how quickly they're moving, you're like, whoops, excuse me.
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Make sure you keep your pace because it's a real thing.
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If you have to play games to keep their attention, they don't like you.
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They like the access they have to you or they like the chase.
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Are you a goat?
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No, no, this is not the zoo.
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This is not the safari.
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This is not the Olympics.
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This is a human relationship.
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If you find immediately that you're in a relationship or in some sort of connection and now suddenly you've turned into you've become Bond.
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007, baby. If they have to do hide and seek with you, my dear, leave them in hiding and go outside and seek somebody else.
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Love should not require detective work.
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If you have to convince them to see your value, they already don't.
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Someone who values you does not need convincing.
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If you're exhausted, you are over functioning in the relationship.
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You should not be exhausted.
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Okay, if you want to be exhausted, go and do a PhD.
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Now, when you tell me you're exhausted while doing your PhD, ah, yes, I like that.
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If you want to be exhausted, go and build a business.
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If you're seeking stress, start a new business.
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That business you've been talking about starting, start it.
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So when you're telling me, Pearl, I'm exhausted, I'll be like, oh, baby, I see you working really hard for your dreams.
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But you can't tell me you're exhausted.
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You're breaking out.
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You're not eating.
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You're not sleeping.
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Because of who?
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Step back. If you're always the mature one, you're not partnering.
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You are parenting.
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Drop them and go adopt a pet.
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Struggle love is not deeper.
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It's actually just harder and it's completely unnecessary.
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Love is soft.
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It might not always be easy, but I tell you, it's not struggle.
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You don't always have to have romantic relationships where there's always this extreme ups and extreme downs.
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It's just an addiction to chaos.
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Wake up. Intensity and intimacy are not synonyms.
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And healthy connections tend to be very, very, very calm.
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They might have moments of intensity, but generally they're very smooth sailing.
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My mom drummed this one into my head as a kid.
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Marriage does not upgrade character.
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It magnifies it.
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If you can't accept something they're doing now, don't marry them.
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Babies do not save relationships.
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They expose all the cracks.
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And let me tell you, it is a terrible, terrible and unfair thing to use a life as a crotch.
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It's wicked.
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Don't do it.
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If they joke about disrespecting you, they're just rehearsing disrespecting you.
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In fact, they're already disrespecting you.
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Run. What if?
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What if I said...
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Ew. Success does not protect you from attracting emotionally unavailable men.
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In fact, you're probably more prone to being targeted by terrible, terrible men.
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When you're up here with your mentals and your work and everything, because they will put on a face and a mask.
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So baby, pay attention.
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Pay attention.
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It is not uncommon for women who are high achieving, very, very intelligent to fall for terrible, terrible, terrible romantic partners.
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Because I don't know, sometimes it's like you focus so much on this area of your life that you most kind of don't have skills here.
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So pay attention, baby.
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So really put on them glasses.
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You know, the spectacles.
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Put them on and really be looking.
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Let them jump through hoops.
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Yes. You know why?
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You know why?
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Because there's no question that you will ask.
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There is nothing that you dig into that will chase the person who wants to be with you away.
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So the minute you start digging and checking and trying to pace yourself and they're like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Please let them woah on their way out of the door.
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They should be woah-ing and jumping and running and going.
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Please put on your spectacles, your glasses.
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Remember? So keep your eyes open, my girlies.
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I'm sure there are things I haven't mentioned, but you know, this is a really long list.
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My mouth is paining me, so I'm going to go now.
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And I hope I've given you some love.
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I know it was a bit hard on you today.
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I know, I know, I know.
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But it's just, I'm sick.
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I'm sick of seeing us suffer.
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I care. I love romance.
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I do. I know that sometimes because of the things I say, you might think I don't.
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I really do.
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But then I also love myself.
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But a gift for you before I leave.
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What's that song?
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Every, every, I sang this song in secondary school.
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Every something.
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Suddenly it's hard to breathe.
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Can't remember the words.
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I'm trying to remember the melody.
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No eyes can bring me down.
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So don't you bring me down today.
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I don't think that's a song.
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You're delirious.
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So confused.
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In all your doom.
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Trying hard.
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이 비디오는 사랑과 관계에 대한 여성들에게 잘 알려지지 않은 중요한 진리를 다루고 있습니다. 발표자는 이 비디오를 통해 주로 이성애 여성들이 직면하는 사랑의 복잡성에 대해 이야기하며, 많은 여성들이 감정적인 희생을 통해 관계에서 더 큰 손실을 겪고 있음을 지적합니다. 이 대화는 감정의 힘, 자아의 위상, 그리고 자신감을 찾는 과정에서 여성들이 가져야 할 가치관에 대해 심도 있게 논의합니다. 영어 발음 교정이나 아이엘츠 스피킹 준비를 하는 과정에서도 이러한 주제는 중요한 통찰을 제공합니다.
일상 대화를 위한 주요 5구문
- There is no reward for suffering. (고통에 대한 보상이 없다.)
- Look for your equal. (당신의 동등한 상대를 찾아라.)
- Powerful people get into relationships with powerful people. (강력한 사람들은 강력한 사람들과 관계를 맺는다.)
- Stop allowing airheads to lead you. (공허한 사람들에게 이끌리게 하지 마라.)
- Live your life with you at the center. (당신을 중심으로 삶을 살아라.)
단계별 쉐도윙 가이드
이 비디오에서 제공하는 메시지를 효과적으로 이해하고, 영어 발음 교정에 도움을 받을 수 있는 쉐도윙 연습을 통해 영어 실력을 향상시키는 방법을 소개합니다.
- 비디오 재생: 비디오를 처음부터 끝까지 시청하십시오. 전체 흐름과 발표자의 말투, 발음을 파악합니다.
- 부분 반복: 비디오를 짧은 부분으로 나누어 다시 듣습니다. 각 문장을 반복하며 발표자의 목소리를 따라합니다. 이때, shadow speech를 연습하여 발음과 억양을 조정합니다.
- 이해도 체크: 각 구문이 전달하는 의미를 파악합니다. 필요한 경우 자막을 활성화하여 단어를 확인하세요.
- 쓴 말로 연습: 스스로 문장을 써보거나, 일상 생활에서 활용할 수 있는 상황을 상상하며 문장을 만들어봅니다.
- 일상적인 적용: 배운 문장을 실생활에서 사용해 보세요. 친구나 가족과 함께 대화할 때 자연스럽게 영어로 표현할 수 있도록 연습합니다. 추가적으로, 유튜브 영어 공부를 통해 관련 주제의 다른 비디오를 찾아보는 것도 좋습니다.
이러한 쉐도윙 기법을 활용하면, 당신의 영어 말하기 능력뿐만 아니라 자신감도 함께 향상될 것입니다. 특히 IELTS 스피킹과 같은 시험을 준비하는 데 매우 유용할 것입니다.
쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법
쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.
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