Shadowing Practice: Nobody Teaches Women This About Love (And It Costs Us Years) - Learn English Speaking with YouTube
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If you're a woman who falls in love, if you're a woman who is dating, and unfortunately this is actually going to apply to mostly heterosexual women, because that's where a lot of us really be going through it.
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If you're a woman who falls in love, if you're a woman who is dating, and unfortunately this is actually going to apply to mostly heterosexual women, because that's where a lot of us really be going through it.
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So my queer girlies, apologies, but I think anybody can pick from what I'm about to say today.
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I tell you, as a woman who has seen the lives of many great women be pillaged, decimated and desecrated by an attachment to romantic love, I think that this video is long overdue.
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Grab your pen and your paper or open your ears.
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Class begins.
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Number one.
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There is no reward or award for suffering, only exploitation.
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The world profits off women who are insecure, seeking approval and exhausted.
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You will not gain anything now by overdoing, overexerting, trying to prove your worth.
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There is no heaven for you.
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There is no place where you will go and be paid for your smallness, for your compliance, for your exhaustion, for losing yourself.
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Nothing. Zilch.
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You gain absolute **** all.
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If you do not control the resources, you will never have power.
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You will only have opinions.
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Now listen, I know we live in a time where there are scoundrels on the internet pushing you towards topics like how to find a provider man, how to get princess treatment.
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Let me tell you something.
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If you want power, become a powerful woman.
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If you want money, become a woman who has money.
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Anything you want, become it.
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Being provided for is not the same thing as being valued or respected.
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Instead of looking for providers, look for your equal.
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Look for partners in crime.
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Look for people you build empires with.
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Whatever an empire is to you, listen, not every woman wants to, not every woman has to dream of, you know, being a company CEO.
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Not every woman has to do that.
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But all I'm saying is find your equal.
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When I say equals, I'm not talking just materialistic.
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No, I'm talking equals mentally, heart-wise, value -wise.
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Be with somebody who sees the world the way you do.
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Not in everything, but at the core, your core values should be shared.
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Please go get yours.
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Stop allowing airheads.
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Yes, I said it, airheads to sit on this internet.
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On Maya Angelou's internet, if she was here, she'd be running this thing.
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To sit here and lead you to hell.
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Powerful people get into relationships with powerful people.
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Go and check the patterns.
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We can't be saying that we're sick of the patriarchy while feeding it.
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Oh, in the same sentence, you're saying decenter men, you turn left and you're like, how to get princess treatment.
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Are you crazy?
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In the same sentence, you turn right.
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How to find the provider man.
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It's giving deranged.
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Please, my babies.
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Because a lot of us, whether we like it or not, it's performative.
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You don't need to be having, oh my God, I'm decentering men, I'm decentering man, it's noise, stop it.
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Just start living your life with you at the center and you won't need all this chippy, chippy, chippy.
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We are refusing in truth.
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Kill that Disney romantic helplessness.
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You know that thing you learned from Disney, where all of your problems will arrive, solved by this knight in shining armor.
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Kill it, kill it.
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Nobody's coming to save you.
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You are going to have all of this extreme want and hopelessness and need transferred onto another person's body.
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So when they arrive into your life, they will never ever be enough because you have all these things that you've built up in your head that are not realistic and quite frankly, unfair.
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Get your house in order so that when you meet somebody and you require something from them, it will be an extension of your reality.
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You're not telling them to create a new world for you.
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You are asking them to match what your world already holds.
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Please, please, my darlings, please.
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Like my heart really breaks when I see young women talking like somebody cooked their brains because someone actually did.
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Stop allowing people to chip away at your medulla.
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The only way to get the life of your dreams is intermission.
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If you've ever watched my videos and you're like, you know what?
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Yes, I get it, but I need something more hands-on.
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I struggle with self-love.
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I struggle with my confidence.
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To help me with self-respect, just to help me come into myself, to help me unpack things that might have happened to me.
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I've made workbooks to help you with this at your own pace.
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You don't have to rush them.
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You take your time.
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You can find them at theneurocosmic.com.
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All right, back to the video.
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The only way to get the life of your dreams is by becoming somebody who can live it.
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And that takes me to my next point.
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Your attention is an investment.
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Baby, invest wisely.
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Or better still, I'll tell you where to invest it, in yourself.
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Because when you flourish, everything around you flourishes.
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When you're doing well, when you're okay, when you're balanced, everything you touch receives that balance.
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Overgiving doesn't create security, okay?
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So doing more, fixing more, forgiving more, showing up more does not make a person value you more.
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It just makes them believe and see that you can accept less.
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Oh, I don't even need to do much.
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I don't even need to show up.
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They will just keep trying to prove themselves.
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Okay, this is what they accept.
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When people do less, disengage.
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And you're not disengaging as a way to play games.
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No, no, not at all.
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You're disengaging because you respect yourself.
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And a lot of people will be like, yeah, but like, if I disengage, and then now they know that this is who I am, and then they play it up, do I go back?
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In my life, I don't.
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If you have to test me to see if you can play with me, you're not my type.
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You're not my type, sorry.
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Wasting five, 10, 15, 20, 25 years of your life is worse than whatever judgment you fear that the people around you or your community will place on you if you left now.
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Unless your life is truly in danger.
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Let me tell you something.
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Wasting even another day of your life is worse.
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Think about it this way.
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You get on a train, you miss your first stop.
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You can either get out on the next stop, or you stay there and you're like, oh my God, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
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And you miss seven more stops.
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Remember, the longer you stay on the train, the more expensive it gets, the more time you lose.
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So even though I've missed my first stop, fine.
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I just get off the next stop, which makes it easier to get back to the first stop.
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Leaving will hurt you.
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Staying will cost you.
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Pick your poison.
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Romance, and I was having this conversation with my sister yesterday.
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Romantic love should be assessed like a business partnership.
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Sue me. Now let me paint you a picture.
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If I walked up to you, maybe not me because you know me on the internet, so you might say yes immediately.
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But no, let's say a random person walked up to you, or even a friend that you know.
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And they're like, hey baby, come on baby, let's start a business.
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Y'all will sit down and plotch.
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You will check all these things.
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You might even get a contract.
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You might even get a lawyer.
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You might even say, can you write me a proposal?
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Y'all will do all of these things for business contracts.
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But for somebody that some of you want to be sleeping and waking up next to, some of you even want to have children with these people, you will do due diligence to build a company, to start a business, but not to let it rando into your home.
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Girl, you don't see how crazy it is, no?
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Is it just me?
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Where does this thing see itself in a year, in two years?
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What do I benefit?
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Am I going to lose my principle?
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What interest will I have?
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How does my interest mature?
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Is this a private, a public limited company?
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Are we selling shares in this company?
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Yes, even if it's not a serious connection, it matters.
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Y'all be letting anything and anything and anything and anything into your homes.
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Girl, tighten up.
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Does it fit into my life, into my future?
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Stick to the plan.
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Don't change your plans.
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Stick to the plan.
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Honestly, as I'm talking about this, I'm seeing it in my head.
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So many women who I know have changed their big, serious life goals because they met somebody.
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Suddenly all their plans have gone to the side.
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Well, I mean, girl, stick to the plan.
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If you have to literally decimate your own dreams, your own goals, that is not the love of your life.
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Love of your life will not require you to lose personhood, to be with them.
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No, they're not the love of your life.
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Wake up. High standards expose weak systems.
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Being low maintenance doesn't actually help you.
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It just makes you low priority.
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That's all.
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So keep your standards high and watch the systems collapse.
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And you might think, yeah, but my standards are too high.
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That's why I'm losing people.
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No, your standards are exposing people you're not compatible with.
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And that's okay.
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If they mock your standards, they can't meet it.
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Next, inconsistent effort creates addiction, not love.
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And you're not immune to it either.
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So don't sit there trying to argue.
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Well, last week he did this.
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And at the first one month he did this, they did this for me.
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And now they're doing this.
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How do I get them back to do that?
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Once someone is inconsistent with you, you should start having hives, okay?
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Break out in hives and vanish.
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Potential is not reality.
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Date reality.
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So date who is in front of you.
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And it's quite unfair too, to look at a person and then project all these things that they must become on them.
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And then when they're not that thing, then you hate on them.
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Then you make them feel small because, well, I thought you'd become this person.
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Date who they are showing you they are.
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If you don't like them, you don't like them. But the people you date, they are human beings too.
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They have feelings, okay?
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So if you know that they're not who you want, don't date them and be hoping that they turn into who you have in your head.
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Oh, I feel like I'm being so mean.
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But we need it, we need it.
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Men rarely leave what benefits them.
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Did you know?
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That's why you see a man, a relationship of 70 years and they're like, oh yeah, they've been together for 70 years.
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And the man has cheated 27 million times in that 70 years.
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But the woman is slaving.
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You know, the number one woman I talked about when I said this video.
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Exhausted, giving everything.
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And it's like 70 years of marriage.
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He will never leave.
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He hated her by year two.
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But he's getting all these things.
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He would never, ever leave.
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That's why you must make sure you are benefiting too.
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Which is why I'm saying marry equals.
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Marry people that are partners in life.
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So make sure you are benefiting too.
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If you're not benefiting, get out of there.
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Get out of here man, shit, I'm saying.
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And this is for my really empathetic girlies, very kind and sweet ones who like communicating.
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If you have to explain basic human empathy multiple times, it's not miscommunication, it's incompatibility.
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It is not your duty to teach anybody that is a grown person, basic human decency.
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It is not your job.
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You're not responsible for teaching them emotional maturity.
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They can take a class, quit now.
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Nobody's paying you salary.
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Thank you. If they move too fast, they are trying to skip compatibility checks.
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Stop it. Have your red light, your green light and your amber light.
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You know, your traffic light system.
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Make sure it's on.
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No matter how quickly they're moving, you're like, whoops, excuse me.
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Make sure you keep your pace because it's a real thing.
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If you have to play games to keep their attention, they don't like you.
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They like the access they have to you or they like the chase.
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Are you a goat?
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No, no, this is not the zoo.
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This is not the safari.
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This is not the Olympics.
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This is a human relationship.
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If you find immediately that you're in a relationship or in some sort of connection and now suddenly you've turned into you've become Bond.
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007, baby. If they have to do hide and seek with you, my dear, leave them in hiding and go outside and seek somebody else.
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Love should not require detective work.
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If you have to convince them to see your value, they already don't.
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Someone who values you does not need convincing.
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If you're exhausted, you are over functioning in the relationship.
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You should not be exhausted.
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Okay, if you want to be exhausted, go and do a PhD.
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Now, when you tell me you're exhausted while doing your PhD, ah, yes, I like that.
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If you want to be exhausted, go and build a business.
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If you're seeking stress, start a new business.
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That business you've been talking about starting, start it.
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So when you're telling me, Pearl, I'm exhausted, I'll be like, oh, baby, I see you working really hard for your dreams.
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But you can't tell me you're exhausted.
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You're breaking out.
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You're not eating.
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You're not sleeping.
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Because of who?
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Step back. If you're always the mature one, you're not partnering.
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You are parenting.
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Drop them and go adopt a pet.
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Struggle love is not deeper.
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It's actually just harder and it's completely unnecessary.
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Love is soft.
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It might not always be easy, but I tell you, it's not struggle.
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You don't always have to have romantic relationships where there's always this extreme ups and extreme downs.
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It's just an addiction to chaos.
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Wake up. Intensity and intimacy are not synonyms.
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And healthy connections tend to be very, very, very calm.
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They might have moments of intensity, but generally they're very smooth sailing.
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My mom drummed this one into my head as a kid.
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Marriage does not upgrade character.
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It magnifies it.
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If you can't accept something they're doing now, don't marry them.
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Babies do not save relationships.
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They expose all the cracks.
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And let me tell you, it is a terrible, terrible and unfair thing to use a life as a crotch.
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It's wicked.
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Don't do it.
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If they joke about disrespecting you, they're just rehearsing disrespecting you.
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In fact, they're already disrespecting you.
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Run. What if?
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What if I said...
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Ew. Success does not protect you from attracting emotionally unavailable men.
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In fact, you're probably more prone to being targeted by terrible, terrible men.
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When you're up here with your mentals and your work and everything, because they will put on a face and a mask.
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So baby, pay attention.
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Pay attention.
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It is not uncommon for women who are high achieving, very, very intelligent to fall for terrible, terrible, terrible romantic partners.
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Because I don't know, sometimes it's like you focus so much on this area of your life that you most kind of don't have skills here.
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So pay attention, baby.
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So really put on them glasses.
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You know, the spectacles.
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Put them on and really be looking.
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Let them jump through hoops.
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Yes. You know why?
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You know why?
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Because there's no question that you will ask.
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There is nothing that you dig into that will chase the person who wants to be with you away.
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So the minute you start digging and checking and trying to pace yourself and they're like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Please let them woah on their way out of the door.
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They should be woah-ing and jumping and running and going.
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Please put on your spectacles, your glasses.
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Remember? So keep your eyes open, my girlies.
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I'm sure there are things I haven't mentioned, but you know, this is a really long list.
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My mouth is paining me, so I'm going to go now.
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And I hope I've given you some love.
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I know it was a bit hard on you today.
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I know, I know, I know.
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But it's just, I'm sick.
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I'm sick of seeing us suffer.
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I care. I love romance.
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I do. I know that sometimes because of the things I say, you might think I don't.
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I really do.
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But then I also love myself.
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But a gift for you before I leave.
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What's that song?
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Every, every, I sang this song in secondary school.
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Every something.
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Suddenly it's hard to breathe.
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Can't remember the words.
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I'm trying to remember the melody.
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No eyes can bring me down.
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So don't you bring me down today.
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I don't think that's a song.
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You're delirious.
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So confused.
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In all your doom.
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Trying hard.
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Context & Background
The video titled "Nobody Teaches Women This About Love (And It Costs Us Years)" addresses crucial insights primarily aimed at women, particularly those navigating romantic relationships. The speaker, drawing from personal experiences and observations, emphasizes the importance of self-worth and equality in partnerships. The target audience consists mainly of heterosexual women, yet the lessons are applicable to all individuals interested in improving their relationship dynamics. The dialogue encourages listeners to recognize the patterns in romantic expectations and to focus on building relationships based on equal footing, thereby enriching their understanding of love and partnership.
Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication
- “There is no reward for suffering.” – A reminder that enduring hardship does not equate to personal growth or acknowledgment.
- “Look for your equal.” – Encouragement to seek out partners who match your values and aspirations.
- “Powerful people get into relationships with powerful people.” – A statement reflecting the dynamics of attraction based on strength and mutual respect.
- “Stop allowing airheads to lead you.” – A call to be discerning about the influences you allow in your life.
- “Live your life with you at the center.” – An affirmation of self-priority that fosters healthier relationships.
Step-by-step Shadowing Guide
To effectively tackle the content of this video and enhance your English speaking skills, follow this shadowing guide. Shadowing is a great technique to improve English pronunciation and gain confidence in daily communication. Here’s how to implement it:
- Listen Carefully: Start by watching the video attentively. Pay attention to the speaker’s tone, pace, and pronunciation.
- Rewind and Repeat: Use the shadow speech technique by pausing the video after each statement. Try to repeat exactly what the speaker said, mimicking their intonation and rhythm.
- Break It Down: Focus on one segment at a time. If a particular phrase like “Look for your equal” feels challenging, isolate it and practice until you feel comfortable.
- Record Yourself: Use your smartphone or computer to record your repetitions. This will allow you to review your pronunciation and identify areas for improvement, crucial for IELTS speaking practice.
- Engage with the Content: After shadowing, engage with the ideas presented. Write a short paragraph about how you can apply these insights in your life, practicing both written and spoken English.
This shadowing site serves as an ideal resource for improving your speaking abilities and understanding nuanced phrases. Remember that consistent practice is key to mastering English pronunciation and building your confidence in everyday conversations.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.
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