쉐도잉 연습: The Day I Lost My Son To Suicide | Can Ask Meh? - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

레슨 만드는 중...
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- I'm the father of Jonathan, my son.
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He took his own life at the age of 23.
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2018, April 24th.
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Exact to this date .
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Well, Jonathan was always a very active child the life of a party who really enjoyed socialising.
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So, so he had many friends.
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He also had a way to organise among his brothers.
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They like to do online gaming together and he was always the leader.
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Even the eldest brother would have to listen to him.
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Well, he's always the rebellious one.
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That was also something that I couldn't believe.
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That day itself actually was a normal day.
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As usual, we had breakfast in the morning me and my wife together with him.
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He handed me a name card saying that he's been seeing this physiotherapist.
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He also knew that I have some muscular pain and wanted to give me the card and say that "Hey Pa, maybe you should call this person and see if this person can help you as well." We dropped him off at the MRT.
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Normally I would say, "I love you, son." And then he would say the same thing.
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Then I got a call from a lady who identified herself as an investigation officer, an IO from the police.
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She said that it is about your son, Jonathan.
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When she mentioned Jon, I...
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Yeah, something popped in me.
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So I was panicking in the car.
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I kept missing, you know, a critical turn.
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So a 40-minute drive turned out to be more than an hour.
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And that's where the news broke to us that Jon has passed and that he took his own life.
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There's no way in relating to the day's events that I could even believe that Jon took his life.
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Yeah, it was just something inconceivable.
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I suppose the situation, well, the situation...
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It's okay. The situation happened so fast so I keep telling the IO that you probably had made a mistake and there's no way that my son would do that.
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In fact, I repeated many, many times that there's no way.
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Yeah. The denial was unbearable but I couldn’t accept it.
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When I saw the feet then I realised it was really him.
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Because my son, Jon, had flat feet.
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So I noticed right away.
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But both feet were no longer in that sense when you lie down in your bed your feet basically are upright, right?
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Yeah, his are split like this.
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So immediately I also knew that his body was so broken up.
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Then I saw his body it wasn't really a body.
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It was just...
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A bundle of I believe, different parts of his body.
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But they showed his face and his face was completely intact.
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That was something that I was grateful.
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I just literally crawled up to him and say, "Son, Pa is here." And that's all I could say.
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<i>- So sorry you had to go through that.</i> - Well, I'm sorry too.
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I was supposed to work out all the details.
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How long the wake is going to be.
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How the funeral is going to be.
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Even right down to choosing the casket.
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I also kind of lost it already, right?
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Because... The day before, we are talking about his future talking about how he will continue to finish his degree his job and everything.
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And then, and then when we're at the mortuary we're talking about how to prepare his death.
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Talk about the responsibility, right?
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Well... I guess that's what you do.
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That's supposed to be the responsibility of a father and a husband.
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Yes, certainly.
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Yeah, why couldn't I detect any sign of his mental struggle or even depression?
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I couldn't tell.
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Up to this stage, I still did not know what was the real cause of why he took his own life.
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There wasn't any kind of rationale in terms of the thought or reflection.
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Just blind rage about me being a father.
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Being a useless father.
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I remember that during the wake, the funeral itself it was an open casket that everybody could see.
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We want to be very honest with them that even we ourselves did not know.
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So obviously, that also invited a lot of questions or unwanted questions.
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But it also gave us the courage to really not to to beat around the bush.
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To make sure that we...
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We took a stand on that for the sake of the family and also for the sake of my son.
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Even though, outwardly I was doing fine.
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When I was alone like going to bed I was spiralling.
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Yeah, to the point that I...
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I just felt that the darkness was just killing me.
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I could almost see myself on edge, right?
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On one side I would survive.
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On the other side I just let go.
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Scary to admit that you are not as strong as you think you are as a father, as a husband.
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But the admissions, I must say, also gave me strength that I didn't have to pretend what I'm not.
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After that we have a very, very good family meeting.
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What I said is that I felt that being a father and being a husband I didn't fulfill my responsibility of either of these roles.
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The more I talk about my failure the more I saw my sons and my wife give me the assurance that they're going to be there.
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They'll always be there.
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Yeah. I finally took the courage to reach out to SOS .
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I just wanted to see if there's any way that I could join the support group.
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This counsellor was very kind, but he was also very firm.
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He said, “No.
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You are in no condition to join the support group because what you need is to have one-to-one counselling support.” Because what I realised is that when you join a support group every one of us need to have that courage not just to introduce ourselves but to repeat whom we have lost and what happened.
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And if I wasn't ready and I started listening to all the different stories it can be very difficult.
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What I'm most afraid of doing about facing up to my guilt and shame those were the things that I literally found that I had to confront.
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It's a very common question that we ask ourselves.
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Because over time, memories fade, right?
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<i>- What are your favourite memories</i> <i>that you like to revisit?</i> - His defiance.
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His laughter.
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There used to be a time that because they enjoyed the gaming so much I would always get very angry and then went out to the living room and say that "Hey guys, do you know what time it is?" Now, my sons, they'll still do that.
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But that noise is no longer there.
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So all of a sudden, I miss that.
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After eight years I guess in many sense, I still remember my son fondly and I still cherish and treasure all the memories I had with him and for him.
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As we're moving on with our lives I don't think we're leaving him alone.
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We're moving on because all my sons are growing up they're going to have their own life.
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But it doesn't diminish our memory of Jon just that it evolved to the next phase of our life.
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He is still very much our son and I speak it in the present tense.
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Whenever we talk about certain things that we are doing together and all of a sudden it will jog our memory about what Jon used to do.
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We talk about him freely that means that we include his memory in our daily conversation and that gives us strength.
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During the time that when I was spiraling I actually couldn't see any light.
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I needed to do something that is purposeful and meaningful for me to at least try.
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I transitioned from a survivor to now a facilitator so that I can help other parents who are in the same shoes as me.
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Oftentimes, we assume that loving just because you love them so much you thought that you would also know them inside out.
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That is false.
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I would say that for parents going through a situation like that if they already detect signs of their sons having this kind of suicide ideation I would very much encourage them not to skirt around the issue.
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To ask directly: are they thinking about taking their own life?
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Yeah, people may say that "Wow, is this even a question that you can ask?
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Because if you ask, wouldn't that induce to make the intention clear?” No, on the contrary it's that maybe that's exactly what they need.
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They needed people to talk to them.
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Suicide is not just a one-person business.
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It's multiple parties business.
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If I look at myself that statement about “Never mind, they will move on” is just a fantasy, unfortunately.
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Look at me.
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Have I moved on?
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Moving on is not a simple case that everything will be hunky-dory and then we'll be all peaceful and we will forget about our loved one.
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No one is able to move on and forget about everything.
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There will be a time that we're going to come to the end of our own life.
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I just want to believe that when that time comes the opportunity to be able to reunite with Jon will be there.
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Yeah. I'm going to repeat that short phrase that when I saw him lying in the morgue.
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I would say "Hey son, Pa is here.
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And I'm so glad that we can be together again."

맥락 및 배경

이 영상에서 토마스는 그의 아들인 조나단을 잃은 비극적인 경험을 공유합니다. 조나단은 항상 활기차고 사교적인 성격으로, 많은 친구들과 함께 온라인 게임을 즐기며 다정한 형제들과의 관계를 유지했습니다. 하지만 23세의 젊은 나이에 스스로 생을 마감한 조나단의 이야기는 가슴 아프고 충격적입니다. 토마스는 아들과의 마지막 순간과 그 후의 감정적인 혼란을 설명하며, 슬픔을 나누는 과정을 통해 다른 사람들에게 위로를 전하고자 합니다.

일상 소통을 위한 5대 표현

  • "이 사람에게 전화해 볼래?" - 누군가에게 추천하고자 할 때 유용합니다.
  • "사랑해, 아들." - 가족 간의 감정을 표현할 때 사용하세요.
  • "무슨 일이 있었어?" - 걱정하거나 관심을 보일 때 적합한 질문입니다.
  • "이건 믿기지 않아." - 충격적인 상황이나 소식에 대한 반응을 나타냅니다.
  • "아빠는 여기 있어." - 위로의 말을 전할 때 사용하는 표현입니다.

단계별 섀도우잉 가이드

토마스의 이야기를 통해 영어 발음 교정 및 쉐도우 스피치 기술을 연습해 보세요. 다음의 단계를 따라해 보세요:

  1. 첫 번째 단계: 비디오를 소리 내어 처음부터 끝까지 들어보세요. 대화의 맥락을 이해하는 것이 중요합니다.
  2. 두 번째 단계: 각 문장을 듣고, 원하는 속도로 일시 정지한 후 따라 해보세요. 이 과정에서 shadowspeak의 효과를 느낄 수 있습니다.
  3. 세 번째 단계: 특정 구문이나 단어에 집중하여 반복하고, 발음과 억양을 교정합니다. 생생한 감정을 담아 발음하는 것이 포인트입니다.
  4. 네 번째 단계: 의미를 이해한 후 문장을 다시 한 번 시도해보세요. 이때 각각의 감정을 느끼며 말하면 더 좋습니다.
  5. 다섯 번째 단계: 영상과 함께 자신의 목소리를 녹음하여 비교해보세요. 청취와 피드백이 중요합니다.

이러한 연습을 통해 shadow speech 기법을 활용하여 자신의 발음을 한 단계 업그레이드할 수 있습니다. 매일 꾸준히 연습하여 자신감을 높여보세요.

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.