Shadowing Practice: A regulated nervous system is the real flex. - Learn English Speaking with Video
Les maken...
1
Today I want to talk about something that took me embarrassingly long to figure out.
2
People -pleasing is not just about being overly nice, it is a nervous system pattern that shows up in all areas of your life,
3
your relationships, your money, and just the way you move in general.
4
This will be a practical video on steps that you can take to heal your nervous system.
5
These are things that I have been implementing into my life and I have seen drastic changes.
6
I wish that journaling and reflecting, meditating.
7
It's also about whether I allow myself to order the thing at the restaurant that I just never felt worthy of ordering.
8
If I can take something from the bar at the hotel
9
because growing up I was always taught that we were not allowed to touch those things.
10
The part that nobody tells you is as you make more money these things just don't go away.
11
If you don't heal your nervous system wounds your reality will constantly bring you back to the old
12
started to make more money and started to live a more abundant healthy lifestyle.
13
I noticed that there were certain things that would trigger me
14
and there was this temptation of my old self to kick in.
15
Your nervous system will find a way to sabotage your life
16
if you don't do the work and it's not always a big huge sign.
17
It's sometimes in the little decisions that add up and create that big ripple effect.
18
So really quickly, hi my name is Krizia.
19
We talk about all things glowing up from
20
and out definitely consider subscribing and joining the community first we're going to talk about relationships
21
because this is a huge one
22
if your nervous system is on autopilot there might be a lot of subtle ways
23
that you're attracting the wrong types of relationships into your life
24
or sabotaging the good ones i am someone who's gone to lots of therapy
25
because i grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional household there were
26
times where i felt like i was shrinking myself you know there sorry about something.
27
It's not even their fault.
28
You know, of course, there's common courtesy and then there's the people pleasing over apologizing.
29
This used to show up a lot in my life, especially in my 20s.
30
And this really creeps up on you because when you make yourself smaller, even in the smallest moments, it becomes a habit.
31
And when it becomes a habit, you do it when it really matters, when in rooms, when you should be advocating for yourself,
32
you're going to be so used to shrinking yourself that you will shrink yourself out of
33
opportunities especially ones
34
that you deserve what i want you to consider here is
35
pause before you apologize before you say things like i'm
36
so sorry to bother you or please don't hate me you know these are ways
37
that we kind of filter ourselves to make other people feel
38
more comfortable you know a simple pause goes a really long way
39
because it allows you a breath to pause and think and you
40
when it comes to people asking you for favors
41
or inviting you to an event maybe you don't naturally want to go to, we tend to say yes to things because we don't want to disappoint people.
42
But I encourage you to pause and say things like, let me get back to you.
43
Can I think about it?
44
I will let you know.
45
When we say yes to uncomfortable situations, we often don't really want to say yes.
46
Let people be mildly disappointed.
47
You don't need to rush to fix other people's problems.
48
You know, something that I also noticed in myself, when somebody is disappointed, immediately rush to try to fix things, try to solve problems, try to make the situation better,
49
put out a fire, but it kind of just created this anxiety fire on its own when it really wasn't necessary.
50
I think it's important to remind ourselves that it is not our job to fix other people's problems, even the people we love, especially sometimes the people we love,
51
because what happens is we tend to train ourselves to think that Problem solving for other people, jumping in to save someone is helping them,
52
but a lot of times it's just robbing them of the experience of creating a solution for themselves in their own life.
53
Also, putting ourselves first sometimes.
54
We are so quick to want to help everyone else besides ourselves.
55
Of course I'm not saying be so selfish
56
that you don't truly help someone in some kind of dire emergency if they really need help.
57
But I think, you know, there are a lot of situations that can come to mind
58
when we think about the times where we jump in and ask yourself, was this your emergency or are you absorbing someone else's emergency and making it your own?
59
The bottom line is someone else's discomfort is not your emergency.
60
Even in social situations where
61
you're just being your normal usual self and you notice that someone is giving you an off -putting energy.
62
Maybe they think you're too much of this or too much of that.
63
You have to remember people are projecting first of all
64
and the other thing is how they feel about you is not your problem.
65
How people feel about you is not your problem.
66
If you're not being rude, obviously hurting someone intentionally, manipulating someone,
67
if you are just simply existing and it makes someone else in the room uncomfortable, that is not your problem problem.
68
Stop over explaining your decisions.
69
I noticed a lot of times this and myself and other people
70
when you compliment someone for example on their outfit
71
and immediately you say oh my gosh thank you I bought it on sale and you start over explaining.
72
It's just unnecessary information.
73
I think it's important to accept compliments with a simple thank you.
74
or appreciation without having to over explain even something as simple as your outfit.
75
If someone is simply complimenting you, there's no need to go into this whole spiral of something else.
76
I've had a time where someone complimented me on my hair
77
and I went into this instant reaction of explaining why I felt insecure about my hair and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
78
And I'm just like, why am I even saying this?
79
And I realized that is old patterns showing up.
80
So over explaining is another form of nervous system wounds.
81
If you can't make it somewhere, you know, normalize just saying, I can't make it.
82
I'm sorry, I won't be able to be there.
83
period.
84
Put periods at the end of your sentence.
85
Don't leave room for negotiation.
86
Don't leave room for question marks.
87
I think it's important to practice saying these close ended statements because it allows you to say your decision with confidence.
88
and not feel guilty about it.
89
You don't need to feel guilty about not being able to make it somewhere.
90
Of course, show up for people and do your best, but if you truly, genuinely cannot make it
91
or feel like it's gonna deplete your energy because you have something important that you need to prepare for or something else,
92
Say no. Make your decision and say it with confidence.
93
Another way that this can show up is if someone offers you help for something, right?
94
You immediately want to return the favor.
95
Again, not necessary, you know, accept the help, be grateful, be appreciative.
96
And if you want to help them in the future, definitely do that.
97
Of course, that's a kind thing to do, but we don't need to commit to it then and there.
98
Like, oh my gosh, I got you.
99
You know, do you need help with something tomorrow?
100
Like it doesn't need to someone who you appreciate them and leave it at that.
101
Okay, let's talk about money.
102
Growing up where money was tight, you know, there's a lot of subconscious habits that I picked up and how they show up in my life now.
103
And one of those things is having this fear -based scarcity around money.
104
And as I was saying earlier, just because you start making money doesn't mean your money wounds go away.
105
In fact, a lot of times it's going to put a big magnifying glass on it
106
and it's going to feel so much louder and so much bigger reinvesting into the business,
107
which is obviously I think a great thing to do, but I noticed that I was, it was very difficult for me to invest in myself without feeling guilty.
108
Even if it meant something that I really needed and I knew was going to benefit my business,
109
it was the thought of purchasing big amounts of money on myself that I didn't realize I felt really shameful about.
110
Through a lot of work, I realized that was my nervous system trying to protect me because how I didn't want to be selfish.
111
overthink the decision for months.
112
I would have it in my cart.
113
I would not buy it.
114
I would still be thinking about it.
115
I would try to find a coupon, a promo code, and I would just spend all this energy and time when I could have just purchased the thing.
116
I could have just made that investment on myself.
117
A solution that I came up with was allowing myself a disposable income budget, a bucket of income.
118
For example, after I calculated my monthly expenses and the extra income that I had left over from that,
119
I dispersed the money into my savings, into my investments, and then I'd create a bucket for myself.
120
And you know, give myself this spending wiggle room to spend on whatever fell into this category.
121
So for example, I call this my self -investment fund
122
and I put a number on it let's say a couple hundred dollars,
123
$500, so that every month I can spend on anything that falls into the self -investment category,
124
things like massages, physical care, if it's a gym outfit, new skincare, getting a facial or even therapy,
125
investing in a new camera, you know, whatever it is, I just gave myself this mental bucket that I knew that I could spend from on myself,
126
because then it takes out having to make micro decisions with every single purchase.
127
This allowed myself to not have to justify every purchase, and instead I created a budget in advance which takes out
128
a lot of mental work by making this decision in advance
129
it allowed me to spend guilt -free i highly encourage the system it works really well for me
130
and it allows me the freedom to enjoy money
131
because our money is meant to be used and enjoyed
132
and a lot of times we grow up with this scarcity fear -based mindset
133
that we have to hold on to everything we have to save it and that we shouldn't what we do,
134
ask yourself, am I choosing something because it's a lower price, because it makes me feel safer, or am I feeling less worthy of the more expensive one?
135
I encourage you to be more curious about your spending habits
136
and what you feel when you do purchase something and also when you choose not to purchase something.
137
Money is energy, I've realized, and the more that we try to we allow the money to flow into our existence.
138
Another way you can practice this is buy one thing that makes you feel super luxurious.
139
on a regular basis, whether that's a really nice robe, a upgraded elevated body lotion instead of the cheapest one.
140
You know, find something that you can use regularly that
141
retrains your nervous system into believing that you are worthy
142
and it creates this feeling of luxury in whatever way
143
that means to you let's talk about self -worth raising the bar raising the ceiling of self -worth is
144
so important just like how i said earlier practice receiving compliments
145
with a simple thank you without a whole explanation especially for my high achievers perfectionists normalize participating in activities
146
that aren't tied to productivity Fuck sitting in silence without your phone,
147
doing something that brings you joy without having to justify it as something productive.
148
As someone who's a content creator myself, and I can basically make work out of anything I do, whether it's going on a shopping spree, I can make a haul out of that,
149
or if I'm meditating, I could, document my wellness.
150
The lines were getting very blurred.
151
Obviously, this applies to other career paths outside of content creation.
152
I feel like we just tend to want to make the most out of our time and maximize productivity.
153
It's okay to do something and enjoy it without documenting it.
154
If you have high self -worth, you will attract better quality relationships, better financial situations.
155
You know, someone with higher self -worth is more likely to negotiate a price and a product gifting.
156
A lot of the income that I've made, I've had to negotiate.
157
And I've had to negotiate my self -worth so much that it made me realize If you genuinely don't ask, you're going to get the bare minimum.
158
This goes for other things like in your relationship.
159
If you accept a partner who treats you poorly,
160
even in your relationship, you will be settling without realizing it because you only accept what you feel you deserve.
161
It's unfortunate because I see this play out in so many situations.
162
I've seen it play out in my own life.
163
Friendships that don't appreciate us, people who like the idea of you but don't really appreciate the depth of you.
164
I want you to let yourself dream of big things and live those dreams out loud.
165
No more shrinking yourself, no more shrinking your dreams or settling.
166
You can practice saying things like, I would love that without saying, "I wish I could afford it." Also, don't say things like, Oh my gosh, I would love if you could come,
167
but it's, totally okay if you can't you don't need to say
168
that last part just say i would love
169
if you could come i think we subtly downplay ourselves without
170
even realizing it in these small moments i like to tour million dollar homes for fun
171
and also just
172
because i know one day i will live in my dream
173
home i'm looking at life today through the lens of future me
174
and nothing is off limits you can dream as big as you want
175
and i don't care what anybody says you deserve it setting boundaries is information
176
having boundaries is basically preparing for a fight with someone.
177
It's almost like you brace conflict when you set a boundary.
178
And you know the feeling when you've set a boundary for the first time, your nervous system is freaking out.
179
You are panicking.
180
You've seen the video where the girl's shaking with a glass of water.
181
She's like, it feels like a bear is chasing me, but you just set a boundary.
182
That is exactly how it feels when you first start setting boundaries.
183
But you need to reframe your mindset around this because again, boundaries are simply information, it's not a wall.
184
A real boundary is just honest information and it will strengthen the right relationships and it will push away the wrong ones.
185
And that's a good thing.
186
For example, I tell my mom, hey, I need a heads up next time you come into my house unexpected.
187
Please let me know three days in advance.
188
That is a boundary.
189
Or maybe it's, hey, I can't do phone calls after 10 p .m.
190
The problem is when you've spent endless years making yourself adaptable, stating a preference and boundary, it just feels aggressive.
191
But once you can move past that,
192
And the thing here that's important is to practice saying things like boundaries before they become urgent, before you find yourself in a situation
193
that you really don't want to be in and you really have to make a tough call.
194
So setting boundaries in advance, highly recommend.
195
The other thing I want to remind you when it comes to setting boundaries with people, especially people
196
that are close to you i know it can be really
197
difficult it's been a journey learning to place boundaries in family relationships where opinions are very strong
198
and people are really used to you accepting certain behaviors once
199
you start saying no it's not your job to control someone's reaction it's just your job to advocate for yourself
200
and the rest is out of your hands make it your
201
priority to tell the truth about yourself how you feel when other people do things like show up to your house
202
handle basic information.
203
That is information you need.
204
And lastly, stopping the invisible debt system.
205
This one can be sneaky because it looks like generosity from the outside.
206
You can offer to help someone, you show up, you give something to them, but are you subconsciously keeping track of that and waiting for them to return the favor?
207
This is a scarcity mindset.
208
If underneath your generosity, underneath the task that you do for someone,
209
you're quietly keeping tally of the things you're doing for them, that's not healthy.
210
It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means that it's and automatic programming that's running subconsciously.
211
The exhausting part about this is you're never going to present an invoice.
212
So what happens is you silently wait.
213
kind of starts to eat at you every day
214
and think of it happening in multiple locations
215
because you don't just do this with one person you're doing
216
with the people you work with the people in your family maybe it's even your your spouse your partner
217
or your friendships like you're keeping tally and it becomes overwhelming
218
because you've got all these tabs open and all this debt
219
invisible debt that is owed to you that you're now keeping track of.
220
And this is one of the core wounds of people pleasing, because you learned to get your needs met indirectly through earning it,
221
earning love, earning respect, earning the friendship.
222
It's almost like you're trying to prove that you're worthy and you deserve their love rather than just asking for help, asking for support.
223
It's a very sneaky, subtle thing that creeps up on you.
224
So the way out of this is next time you do something for someone, ask yourself, why?
225
Why am I doing this?
226
Truly why?
227
What am I doing? getting out of this.
228
as much as I say I'm giving it for.
229
Don't just say because I want to help.
230
Like really ask yourself, why do I feel prompted to help?
231
What is inspiring me to do this now?
232
Is it because you genuinely want to or are there some quiet strings attached?
233
Is it because you're hoping that this is going to create some sort of obligation
234
and connection between you and the other person?
235
It's something worth pausing on.
236
And then the second thing is, Practice asking for things directly.
237
not as a transaction but as a straightforward request it's crazy
238
because as a people pleaser
239
or having old people pleasing tendencies saying something flat out like can you help me can be terrifying
240
because it feels like too much to ask it feels like you're not worthy to ask for help even
241
if you don't realize it it's the only way out otherwise you're going to silently build a case around people
242
and your mind will play tricks on you that they owe you something when they've never
243
you're worthy of abundance you're worthy of being rich you are worthy to ask for help
244
and support and not feel guilty about it i hope you enjoyed this video
245
if you made it to the end comment this affirmation down below i am worthy i love you
246
so much and i will see you in the next one bye
📺 Zelfde Kanaal
✨ Aanbevolen Video
B23
318 zinnen
10 Tiny Micro Habits to Start Regulating Your Nervous System
American AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B28
108 zinnen
The Psychology of Healing from Betrayal and Scams
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2870 zinnen
Gracie Kramer on Career Highs, Dating Lows, & Everything in Between | Ep 27
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B25
216 zinnen
how to be respected as a woman | stop being nice, self-betrayal, people pleasing
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
65 zinnen
How To Build a Strong Mind: New Focus on Resilience
American AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
17 zinnen
Speaking expert Vanessa Van Edwards tells you how to stop being awkward conversation #diaryofaceo
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
307 zinnen
4 Things That Are Keeping You From Being a High Performer
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B216
279 zinnen
Your body decides before you do | Nervous System Regulation & Expansion
American AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B27
342 zinnen
how to use neuroplasticity to rewire your brain to do hard things
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
326 zinnen
How to Protect Your Peace 😌 Simple steps for stress-free living
American AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
12 zinnen
Change Your Environment
American AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
274 zinnen
How to Stop Taking Things Personally
American AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau B2 is gebaseerd op de video “A regulated nervous system is the real flex”. Deze video bevat 246 zinnen en 3379 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 18:39. De spreker praat snel, ongeveer 181 woorden per minuut, dus reken op verbonden en ingeslikte klanken. 85% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| boundary zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | grens |
| compliment zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈkɑmpləmənt/ | compliment |
| pause zelfstandig naamwoord | /pɔːz/ | pauze |
| scarcity zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈskɛɹsɪti/ | schaarste |
| mindset zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | mentaliteit, ingelsteldheid |
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | gossie |
| negotiate werkwoord | /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/ | onderhandelen |
| bucket zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈbʌkɪt/ | emmer |
| meditate werkwoord | /ˈmɛ.dɪˌteɪt/ | mediteren |
| normalize werkwoord | /ˈnɔː.mə.laɪz/ | normaliseren |
| sneaky bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈsniːki/ | geniepig, gluiperig |
| silently bijwoord | /ˈsaɪləntli/ | stilletjes |
| generosity zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌd͡ʒɛn.əˈɹɑ.sə.ti/ | gulheid, vrijgevigheid |
| creep werkwoord | /kɹiːp/ | kruipen |
| invisible bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/ | onzichtbaar |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| show up werkwoord | tentoonstellen |
| go away werkwoord | weggaan |
| grow up werkwoord | opgroeien |
| come up with werkwoord | bedenken, verzinnen |
| figure out werkwoord | uitvogelen, er achter komen |
| pick up werkwoord | oppakken, optillen |
| put out werkwoord | buitenzetten, uitwerpen |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- Can I think about it?
- I'm sorry, I won't be able to be there.
- You know, do you need help with something tomorrow?
- Why am I doing this?
- What is inspiring me to do this now?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | have seen · I've had · I've realized |
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | was always taught · is meant |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | someone who you · people who like |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 77 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals don't, you're, I'm. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De “th”-klanken: underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, affirmation /æfɝˈmeɪʃn/, appreciative /əˈpɹi.ʃətɪv/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, generosity /ˌd͡ʒɛn.əˈɹɑ.sə.ti/, invisible /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/, productivity /ˌpɹɒdʌkˈtɪvəti/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: pause /pɔːz/, normalize /ˈnɔː.mə.laɪz/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, appreciative /əˈpɹi.ʃətɪv/, robe /ɹoʊb/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: tally /ˈtæli/, adaptable /əˈdæptəbəl/, affirmation /æfɝˈmeɪʃn/, sabotage /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/, maximize /ˈmæksəmaɪz/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, negotiate /nəˈɡəʊ.ʃi.eɪt/, luxurious /lʌɡˈʒʊəɹi.əs/, negotiation /nɪˌɡəʊ.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, exhaust /ɪɡˈzɔst/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als boundary, compliment, pause.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.