Практика Shadowing: A regulated nervous system is the real flex. - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео
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Today I want to talk about something that took me embarrassingly long to figure out.
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People -pleasing is not just about being overly nice, it is a nervous system pattern that shows up in all areas of your life,
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your relationships, your money, and just the way you move in general.
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This will be a practical video on steps that you can take to heal your nervous system.
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These are things that I have been implementing into my life and I have seen drastic changes.
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I wish that journaling and reflecting, meditating.
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It's also about whether I allow myself to order the thing at the restaurant that I just never felt worthy of ordering.
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If I can take something from the bar at the hotel
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because growing up I was always taught that we were not allowed to touch those things.
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The part that nobody tells you is as you make more money these things just don't go away.
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If you don't heal your nervous system wounds your reality will constantly bring you back to the old
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started to make more money and started to live a more abundant healthy lifestyle.
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I noticed that there were certain things that would trigger me
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and there was this temptation of my old self to kick in.
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Your nervous system will find a way to sabotage your life
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if you don't do the work and it's not always a big huge sign.
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It's sometimes in the little decisions that add up and create that big ripple effect.
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So really quickly, hi my name is Krizia.
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We talk about all things glowing up from
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and out definitely consider subscribing and joining the community first we're going to talk about relationships
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because this is a huge one
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if your nervous system is on autopilot there might be a lot of subtle ways
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that you're attracting the wrong types of relationships into your life
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or sabotaging the good ones i am someone who's gone to lots of therapy
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because i grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional household there were
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times where i felt like i was shrinking myself you know there sorry about something.
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It's not even their fault.
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You know, of course, there's common courtesy and then there's the people pleasing over apologizing.
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This used to show up a lot in my life, especially in my 20s.
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And this really creeps up on you because when you make yourself smaller, even in the smallest moments, it becomes a habit.
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And when it becomes a habit, you do it when it really matters, when in rooms, when you should be advocating for yourself,
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you're going to be so used to shrinking yourself that you will shrink yourself out of
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opportunities especially ones
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that you deserve what i want you to consider here is
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pause before you apologize before you say things like i'm
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so sorry to bother you or please don't hate me you know these are ways
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that we kind of filter ourselves to make other people feel
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more comfortable you know a simple pause goes a really long way
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because it allows you a breath to pause and think and you
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when it comes to people asking you for favors
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or inviting you to an event maybe you don't naturally want to go to, we tend to say yes to things because we don't want to disappoint people.
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But I encourage you to pause and say things like, let me get back to you.
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Can I think about it?
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I will let you know.
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When we say yes to uncomfortable situations, we often don't really want to say yes.
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Let people be mildly disappointed.
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You don't need to rush to fix other people's problems.
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You know, something that I also noticed in myself, when somebody is disappointed, immediately rush to try to fix things, try to solve problems, try to make the situation better,
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put out a fire, but it kind of just created this anxiety fire on its own when it really wasn't necessary.
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I think it's important to remind ourselves that it is not our job to fix other people's problems, even the people we love, especially sometimes the people we love,
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because what happens is we tend to train ourselves to think that Problem solving for other people, jumping in to save someone is helping them,
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but a lot of times it's just robbing them of the experience of creating a solution for themselves in their own life.
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Also, putting ourselves first sometimes.
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We are so quick to want to help everyone else besides ourselves.
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Of course I'm not saying be so selfish
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that you don't truly help someone in some kind of dire emergency if they really need help.
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But I think, you know, there are a lot of situations that can come to mind
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when we think about the times where we jump in and ask yourself, was this your emergency or are you absorbing someone else's emergency and making it your own?
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The bottom line is someone else's discomfort is not your emergency.
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Even in social situations where
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you're just being your normal usual self and you notice that someone is giving you an off -putting energy.
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Maybe they think you're too much of this or too much of that.
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You have to remember people are projecting first of all
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and the other thing is how they feel about you is not your problem.
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How people feel about you is not your problem.
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If you're not being rude, obviously hurting someone intentionally, manipulating someone,
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if you are just simply existing and it makes someone else in the room uncomfortable, that is not your problem problem.
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Stop over explaining your decisions.
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I noticed a lot of times this and myself and other people
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when you compliment someone for example on their outfit
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and immediately you say oh my gosh thank you I bought it on sale and you start over explaining.
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It's just unnecessary information.
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I think it's important to accept compliments with a simple thank you.
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or appreciation without having to over explain even something as simple as your outfit.
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If someone is simply complimenting you, there's no need to go into this whole spiral of something else.
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I've had a time where someone complimented me on my hair
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and I went into this instant reaction of explaining why I felt insecure about my hair and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah.
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And I'm just like, why am I even saying this?
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And I realized that is old patterns showing up.
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So over explaining is another form of nervous system wounds.
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If you can't make it somewhere, you know, normalize just saying, I can't make it.
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I'm sorry, I won't be able to be there.
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period.
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Put periods at the end of your sentence.
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Don't leave room for negotiation.
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Don't leave room for question marks.
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I think it's important to practice saying these close ended statements because it allows you to say your decision with confidence.
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and not feel guilty about it.
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You don't need to feel guilty about not being able to make it somewhere.
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Of course, show up for people and do your best, but if you truly, genuinely cannot make it
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or feel like it's gonna deplete your energy because you have something important that you need to prepare for or something else,
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Say no. Make your decision and say it with confidence.
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Another way that this can show up is if someone offers you help for something, right?
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You immediately want to return the favor.
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Again, not necessary, you know, accept the help, be grateful, be appreciative.
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And if you want to help them in the future, definitely do that.
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Of course, that's a kind thing to do, but we don't need to commit to it then and there.
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Like, oh my gosh, I got you.
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You know, do you need help with something tomorrow?
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Like it doesn't need to someone who you appreciate them and leave it at that.
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Okay, let's talk about money.
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Growing up where money was tight, you know, there's a lot of subconscious habits that I picked up and how they show up in my life now.
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And one of those things is having this fear -based scarcity around money.
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And as I was saying earlier, just because you start making money doesn't mean your money wounds go away.
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In fact, a lot of times it's going to put a big magnifying glass on it
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and it's going to feel so much louder and so much bigger reinvesting into the business,
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which is obviously I think a great thing to do, but I noticed that I was, it was very difficult for me to invest in myself without feeling guilty.
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Even if it meant something that I really needed and I knew was going to benefit my business,
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it was the thought of purchasing big amounts of money on myself that I didn't realize I felt really shameful about.
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Through a lot of work, I realized that was my nervous system trying to protect me because how I didn't want to be selfish.
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overthink the decision for months.
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I would have it in my cart.
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I would not buy it.
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I would still be thinking about it.
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I would try to find a coupon, a promo code, and I would just spend all this energy and time when I could have just purchased the thing.
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I could have just made that investment on myself.
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A solution that I came up with was allowing myself a disposable income budget, a bucket of income.
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For example, after I calculated my monthly expenses and the extra income that I had left over from that,
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I dispersed the money into my savings, into my investments, and then I'd create a bucket for myself.
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And you know, give myself this spending wiggle room to spend on whatever fell into this category.
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So for example, I call this my self -investment fund
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and I put a number on it let's say a couple hundred dollars,
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$500, so that every month I can spend on anything that falls into the self -investment category,
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things like massages, physical care, if it's a gym outfit, new skincare, getting a facial or even therapy,
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investing in a new camera, you know, whatever it is, I just gave myself this mental bucket that I knew that I could spend from on myself,
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because then it takes out having to make micro decisions with every single purchase.
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This allowed myself to not have to justify every purchase, and instead I created a budget in advance which takes out
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a lot of mental work by making this decision in advance
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it allowed me to spend guilt -free i highly encourage the system it works really well for me
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and it allows me the freedom to enjoy money
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because our money is meant to be used and enjoyed
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and a lot of times we grow up with this scarcity fear -based mindset
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that we have to hold on to everything we have to save it and that we shouldn't what we do,
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ask yourself, am I choosing something because it's a lower price, because it makes me feel safer, or am I feeling less worthy of the more expensive one?
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I encourage you to be more curious about your spending habits
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and what you feel when you do purchase something and also when you choose not to purchase something.
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Money is energy, I've realized, and the more that we try to we allow the money to flow into our existence.
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Another way you can practice this is buy one thing that makes you feel super luxurious.
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on a regular basis, whether that's a really nice robe, a upgraded elevated body lotion instead of the cheapest one.
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You know, find something that you can use regularly that
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retrains your nervous system into believing that you are worthy
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and it creates this feeling of luxury in whatever way
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that means to you let's talk about self -worth raising the bar raising the ceiling of self -worth is
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so important just like how i said earlier practice receiving compliments
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with a simple thank you without a whole explanation especially for my high achievers perfectionists normalize participating in activities
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that aren't tied to productivity Fuck sitting in silence without your phone,
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doing something that brings you joy without having to justify it as something productive.
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As someone who's a content creator myself, and I can basically make work out of anything I do, whether it's going on a shopping spree, I can make a haul out of that,
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or if I'm meditating, I could, document my wellness.
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The lines were getting very blurred.
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Obviously, this applies to other career paths outside of content creation.
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I feel like we just tend to want to make the most out of our time and maximize productivity.
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It's okay to do something and enjoy it without documenting it.
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If you have high self -worth, you will attract better quality relationships, better financial situations.
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You know, someone with higher self -worth is more likely to negotiate a price and a product gifting.
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A lot of the income that I've made, I've had to negotiate.
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And I've had to negotiate my self -worth so much that it made me realize If you genuinely don't ask, you're going to get the bare minimum.
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This goes for other things like in your relationship.
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If you accept a partner who treats you poorly,
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even in your relationship, you will be settling without realizing it because you only accept what you feel you deserve.
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It's unfortunate because I see this play out in so many situations.
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I've seen it play out in my own life.
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Friendships that don't appreciate us, people who like the idea of you but don't really appreciate the depth of you.
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I want you to let yourself dream of big things and live those dreams out loud.
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No more shrinking yourself, no more shrinking your dreams or settling.
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You can practice saying things like, I would love that without saying, "I wish I could afford it." Also, don't say things like, Oh my gosh, I would love if you could come,
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but it's, totally okay if you can't you don't need to say
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that last part just say i would love
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if you could come i think we subtly downplay ourselves without
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even realizing it in these small moments i like to tour million dollar homes for fun
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and also just
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because i know one day i will live in my dream
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home i'm looking at life today through the lens of future me
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and nothing is off limits you can dream as big as you want
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and i don't care what anybody says you deserve it setting boundaries is information
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having boundaries is basically preparing for a fight with someone.
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It's almost like you brace conflict when you set a boundary.
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And you know the feeling when you've set a boundary for the first time, your nervous system is freaking out.
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You are panicking.
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You've seen the video where the girl's shaking with a glass of water.
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She's like, it feels like a bear is chasing me, but you just set a boundary.
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That is exactly how it feels when you first start setting boundaries.
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But you need to reframe your mindset around this because again, boundaries are simply information, it's not a wall.
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A real boundary is just honest information and it will strengthen the right relationships and it will push away the wrong ones.
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And that's a good thing.
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For example, I tell my mom, hey, I need a heads up next time you come into my house unexpected.
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Please let me know three days in advance.
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That is a boundary.
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Or maybe it's, hey, I can't do phone calls after 10 p .m.
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The problem is when you've spent endless years making yourself adaptable, stating a preference and boundary, it just feels aggressive.
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But once you can move past that,
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And the thing here that's important is to practice saying things like boundaries before they become urgent, before you find yourself in a situation
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that you really don't want to be in and you really have to make a tough call.
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So setting boundaries in advance, highly recommend.
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The other thing I want to remind you when it comes to setting boundaries with people, especially people
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that are close to you i know it can be really
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difficult it's been a journey learning to place boundaries in family relationships where opinions are very strong
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and people are really used to you accepting certain behaviors once
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you start saying no it's not your job to control someone's reaction it's just your job to advocate for yourself
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and the rest is out of your hands make it your
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priority to tell the truth about yourself how you feel when other people do things like show up to your house
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handle basic information.
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That is information you need.
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And lastly, stopping the invisible debt system.
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This one can be sneaky because it looks like generosity from the outside.
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You can offer to help someone, you show up, you give something to them, but are you subconsciously keeping track of that and waiting for them to return the favor?
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This is a scarcity mindset.
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If underneath your generosity, underneath the task that you do for someone,
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you're quietly keeping tally of the things you're doing for them, that's not healthy.
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It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means that it's and automatic programming that's running subconsciously.
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The exhausting part about this is you're never going to present an invoice.
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So what happens is you silently wait.
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kind of starts to eat at you every day
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and think of it happening in multiple locations
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because you don't just do this with one person you're doing
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with the people you work with the people in your family maybe it's even your your spouse your partner
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or your friendships like you're keeping tally and it becomes overwhelming
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because you've got all these tabs open and all this debt
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invisible debt that is owed to you that you're now keeping track of.
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And this is one of the core wounds of people pleasing, because you learned to get your needs met indirectly through earning it,
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earning love, earning respect, earning the friendship.
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It's almost like you're trying to prove that you're worthy and you deserve their love rather than just asking for help, asking for support.
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It's a very sneaky, subtle thing that creeps up on you.
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So the way out of this is next time you do something for someone, ask yourself, why?
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Why am I doing this?
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Truly why?
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What am I doing? getting out of this.
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as much as I say I'm giving it for.
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Don't just say because I want to help.
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Like really ask yourself, why do I feel prompted to help?
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What is inspiring me to do this now?
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Is it because you genuinely want to or are there some quiet strings attached?
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Is it because you're hoping that this is going to create some sort of obligation
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and connection between you and the other person?
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It's something worth pausing on.
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And then the second thing is, Practice asking for things directly.
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not as a transaction but as a straightforward request it's crazy
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because as a people pleaser
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or having old people pleasing tendencies saying something flat out like can you help me can be terrifying
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because it feels like too much to ask it feels like you're not worthy to ask for help even
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if you don't realize it it's the only way out otherwise you're going to silently build a case around people
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and your mind will play tricks on you that they owe you something when they've never
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you're worthy of abundance you're worthy of being rich you are worthy to ask for help
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and support and not feel guilty about it i hope you enjoyed this video
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if you made it to the end comment this affirmation down below i am worthy i love you
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so much and i will see you in the next one bye
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Почему стоит практиковать разговор на основе этого видео?
Практика разговорной речи, основанная на контенте этого видео, имеет множество преимуществ. Во-первых, вы сможете развивать навыки общения в контексте реальных жизненных ситуаций. Темы, затронутые в видео, такие как отношения, самоощущение и тревожность, знакомы многим, и их обсуждение поможет вам повысить уверенность в своих речевых навыках. Используя метод shadow speak, вы сможете не только повторять фразы, но и глубже понять их значение и эмоциональную окраску. Это поможет вам лучше адаптироваться к различным социальным ситуациям и избежать языковых барьеров, возникающих из-за недостатка практики.
Грамматика и выражения в контексте
- Лексические конструкции: В видео часто используются выражения как "I wish that..." и "Let me get back to you," что позволяет не только развивать навыки вежливого общения, но и учить завуалированным запросам. Это важные структуры, которые помогут вам формулировать свои мысли более мягко.
- Паттерны мыслей: Говорящая делится своими размышлениями, используя конструкции "consider" и "I noticed that," что дает возможность говорящему делиться личным опытом и пригласить слушателя к размышлению, создавая более глубокую связь.
- Использование метода shadow speech: Многообразие интонаций и акцентов в видео помогает разработать вашу способность к имитации речи, развивая естественность произношения и темп.
Распространенные ловушки произношения
В видео присутствуют несколько слов и интонационных паттернов, которые могут вызвать трудности при произношении. Например, слова "apologizing" и "disappoint" часто произносятся с нечетким ударением, что может привести к путанице в разговоре. Практика shadow speaks поможет вам лучше уловить ритм и мелодику языка.
Также стоит обратить внимание на использование пауз в речи. Говорящая демонстрирует, как важна пауза перед прощением или отказом, что не только предотвращает ненужное волнение, но и улучшает качество вашего взаимодействия с окружающими. Практикуя shadowing, вы сможете уловить эти нюансы интонации и ритма.
Использование таких фраз, как "Can I think about it?" даст вам возможность практиковаться в умении делать паузы и обдумывать свои ответы, что также отражает уверенность в разговоре.
Таким образом, данное видео и метод shadowspeak отлично подойдут для улучшения ваших навыков в разговорном английском, помогая вам становиться более уверенным и выразительным собеседником.
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас | have seen · I've had · I've realized |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | was always taught · is meant |
| Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете | someone who you · people who like |
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.