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I can tell you in just one question how successful you're likely going to be.

With just this one question, we can predict your future growth potential and trajectory.

What is that question?

How safe do you feel in discomfort?

Your honest answer to that question reveals so much about what you're willing

and not willing to do in order to reach your goals.

How safe do you feel in discomfort?

how grounded, how okay, how steady can you be in discomfort.

Hello, my loves.

Welcome back to Lavendaire.

My name is Aileen, and here we talk all about personal growth and life design.

So today we're talking all about nervous system regulation.

I'm sure you've heard about the concept, growth happens outside of your comfort zone.

So this is because everything that we want is on the other side of fear

And that boundary between what's comfortable and uncomfortable, that boundary consists of the challenge,

the risk, the uncertainty, the unpredictability, all those things that are difficult for us to deal with.

And so, so many of us stay on the inside of that boundary.

We stay in what's comfortable and what's safe.

But in order to get to our goals and create our dream life and just achieve everything we want to achieve, we not only have to cross that boundary, but we have to expand it.

We have to expand that boundary of what feels safe and what feels comfortable to us,

and that's the only way we can truly expand our life and succeed and do more.

The really important thing I want all of us to learn

and understand is that the nervous system's boundaries have been set based on our upbringing,

our childhood, our developmental years.

So your nervous system decides where those boundaries are between what feels safe and what feels unsafe.

And depending on your upbringing or your experiences growing up, you might think certain things are safe and certain things are unsafe.

And some people's boundary of what's safe and what's unsafe, it could be really small.

Your circle could be so tiny.

Whereas some people who were maybe raised in a different way, a different environment and different values, their boundaries are much wider,

and they feel much more safe with more.

Regardless, we all have a boundary, and in life, our growth and evolution is pushing those boundaries

and expanding our nervous system to feel safe and to feel comfortable in bolder situations.

So this can apply to anything.

Everything from learning how to stop being a people pleaser and how to stand up for yourself, Everything from your money story.

How much money do you feel safe holding?

Are you in scarcity mindset or do you have more of an abundant mindset?

Do you feel safe with success?

Some people don't feel safe holding success.

Some people don't feel safe being wealthy and rich and having money.

And so they always repel money in their lives because their nervous system thinks it is unsafe.

And so this is really the foundation to how we operate in our everyday life.

It's that underlying subconscious foundation that decides how successful you are going to be

and how much you are capable of right now and how much you're capable of growing in the near future.

So if you are not doing the work to be aware of where those boundaries are and expand those nervous system boundaries,

then you're essentially going to stay in the same place.

You're going to stay in what feels comfortable and safe, and you're going to continue perpetuating that same result.

And this is why some people feel stuck.

They might change careers or they might change goals, but somehow they're always kind of stuck in that same level.

And this is why in order to expand to a higher level,

you are going to have to push through some tough things or you're going to have to unlearn certain beliefs.

And you're going to have to really expand your definition of what feels safe.

And when I say safe, it's like a nervous system feeling where your body is calm.

Let's put it this way because more people understand stress and anxiety.

So our nervous system has two sides, parasympathetic and sympathetic.

The sympathetic is the fight or flight response.

It is when you feel stressed, anxious, cortisol high.

The parasympathetic is when you are relaxed, calm, peaceful.

The parasympathetic is actually the rest and digest state, and that's the state where your body does healing.

That's essentially the state that we want to be.

Honestly, we need a balance of both states.

I think it's good to have a little bit of the fight

or flight and a little bit more of the peace and calm, depending on what kind of person you are.

But those two states have to be in balance.

Too many people are just off to one end.

They're just so high-strung, always stressed, always anxious.

And that nervous system response is because of what they were conditioned to believe was true in their reality,

in their world, ever since they were young.

Okay, a simple example is like, put a student, a college student, going through exams.

The exam is the same, the class, everything, the conditions are the same, but one student is overly stressed, anxious every day, they're having panic attacks,

while the other student is a little bit stressed, but they're studying and they believe in themselves, they're like, I'm just going to take the test and whatever happens, happens.

They have a lower grade level of sympathetic response for this exam,

whereas someone else could be literally so high strung, so on the edge, so stressed, just like, what's that word?

Malfunctioning.

And the reason those two people have different nervous system response is because of the way they were conditioned.

Like the one that's super stressed, maybe they grew up with a high-pressure environment where they had to succeed at all costs,

and if they didn't, that would mean something really serious.

It could even mean they were disowned from the family or just lack of love, lack of approval, lack of worth.

Just so many deep things that a human being craves, and so that is why it feels unsafe for that person to fail.

It feels so unsafe for that person to even take a risk

because taking a risk is scary because it can mean failure.

It could mean judgment.

It could mean whatever is the worst thing possible that that person believes could happen.

So going back to nervous system regulation,

this is why it's so important to become aware of our own nervous system.

What is the baseline that you're living every day?

Are you pretty calm and peaceful and you just get a little stress that's reasonable?

Or are you always anxious?

Do you have always some level of stress every day?

Where does that stress come from?

Where does that anxiety come from?

Ultimately, you can trace it back to some sort of fear,

some belief, some story that you're telling yourself in your mind that makes you feel like you can't calm down.

It makes you feel like you're unsafe.

You have to have control.

You have to do this thing or else.

Literally, your body believes, I have to do this or else I'll die." I know it's not logical, but that's what your body believes.

So you have to become aware of your belief system, your conditioning, the stories you're telling yourself.

And awareness really is that first step to see where am I now?

What is my baseline?

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Where are the areas that feel so risky, so scary to me?

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Where and when do I feel like I am most in my discomfort?

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What can I not handle and why?

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And so answering those questions will give you clues and directions on where you can dig deep even further.

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But the goal is once you are aware of where your boundaries are, this is what feels safe and this is what feels unsafe,

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then you can decide in my ideal self, what do I want that person to be able to hold?

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What do I want that person to be able to do and to achieve while feeling they're okay.

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What does that person feel safe doing?

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Let's say if you're really shy, people pleaser, maybe it feels so scary to tell someone no.

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Or maybe it feels so scary to confront someone or to say something honest but mean.

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Maybe it's so scary to be that brutally honest because somewhere in your body, you told yourself, it's not safe.

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I'm not safe to speak my truth.

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I'm not safe, to be honest.

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And so that's why you have this fear.

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Like maybe the fear is rooted in something very real.

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Like you were shunned or you were like abused for speaking up for yourself.

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It could be something serious and very real.

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So the reconditioning of your nervous system really takes like so much compassion and love for yourself.

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It's a self-love journey as well.

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Like all of this ties in together.

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Self-love, self-worth, the stories you tell yourself, your belief system, everything.

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So when you look at your dream life and your ideal self, the person that you truly want to be, the things that you truly want to do in this life with no limits,

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like if you could really dream the biggest you want to dream in this lifetime, because we only get this one precious life to choose what we want to do with it, right?

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So go big, right?

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So if you were to truly imagine that person, what is that person comfortable doing?

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That person is probably comfortable with making a lot of money and spending a lot of money.

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That person's probably not holding on to everything.

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They'll lose it forever, right?

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They're probably more relaxed.

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They can feel safe even when things are in chaos.

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That person can hold more uncertainty.

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That person can hold their ground and be steady even though they're uncertain, even though they don't know what they're doing,

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even though they made mistakes, even though they failed, even though they made a fool of themselves, right?

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But some people are so afraid of being judged.

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They're so afraid of failure and criticism.

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Just all these very natural fears, but that is what holds so many people back from taking those risks and stepping outside of their comfort zone.

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And like I said, that's where the growth happens.

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Going outside the comfort zone, living in discomfort, feeling safe and feeling steady and grounded in discomfort.

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So the more steady and grounded you can feel while doing those very uncomfortable things, the more you're going to expand that bubble of what feels okay and what feels safe.

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And the more that expands, honestly, the more you expand and the more inner and external growth is going to happen.

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That is how you evolve into that ideal self that you want to be, and through that, you attract your dream life.

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Another example I can think of is when I was young, even in college, I was the worst public speaker.

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I had to do presentations for classes, obviously, and I just remember in college, I had this business presentation,

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a group presentation, and we even had flashcards.

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And even with flashcards, I just froze on stage.

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I was just so shy, soft-spoken.

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I don't even think it mattered whether I practiced more.

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I think my nervous system just felt so unsafe being seen,

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so unsafe speaking publicly just to a class that I literally flopped it so hard.

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My group members were looking at me like, what's wrong with this girl?

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It was so embarrassing.

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Fast forward, after college, I got into music.

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I started performing on stage because I was pursuing being an artist, and I loved music, and I wanted to write songs.

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And so I started this journey of performing, and I would sign up for any performance opportunity I could get.

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I was doing open mics.

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I was performing at my school.

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I was performing at this food festival every month.

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And I remember the first performances.

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I'm playing piano and singing, and I really would be shaking.

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I'd be like this.

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And I would just try to make it through because I had that stage fright.

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But the more I did it, again, I would show up, perform, show up, perform.

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After two years of doing that, performing consistently, being on stage, showing up consistently, I became so confident on stage.

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I just felt so relaxed.

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I was like, wow, I could MC this show and I was having fun and I was interacting with the audience.

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And I was like, oh, I've grown. So that's an example.

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They say practice makes perfect, but this is another angle to look at it.

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Practice creates exposure, and through exposure, you kind of create small wins for yourself.

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You create proof to your body and your nervous system that I can be okay doing this scary thing.

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This scary thing might feel uncomfortable and really scary in the moment, And your nerves might be like, am I going to die?

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Am I going to die performing in front of these people?

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Literally, that's what your body's thinking.

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But you go through it, and then from that, your body's like, oh my god, that was proof.

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I survived.

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I didn't die.

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Because your body's just afraid of the negative repercussions.

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And so you have to give yourself enough exposure, repetition, to expand your nervous system.

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You have to give your nervous system proof that I will be safe.

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It's okay.

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It's not like you have to hold your own hand and be like, we can do this.

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We can do this together and we will survive.

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And as you do that, the more you do that, the more your nervous system calms down and realizes like,

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wow, I feel good doing this.

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This is okay.

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So then you kind of enter a new baseline.

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You've expanded your circle.

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The new baseline is I feel safe on stage.

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That's fine.

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And then there's always more levels.

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There's more levels like what else do you not feel safe doing?

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Do you not feel safe failing in front of a lot of people?

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Do you not feel safe taking a risk and risking looking like a fool or something?

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There's so many levels.

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Life is all levels, but that's an example, literally such a clear example, of how we expand our nervous system.

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What's so great about nervous system work is that there are so many ways that you could heal and work on this.

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What I just shared was one example, exposure, repetition, resilience, just proving to yourself through real life experiences.

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But you could also tap into all of these different healing modalities.

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You guys know I love meditation.

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I love journaling.

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I love affirmations.

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If you haven't checked out my app, Resonance, we have guided audios for all of that.

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All of it is essentially nervous system regulation.

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It has audios for every category, depending on whether you want to heal your inner child or whether you want to heal your money story.

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Like work on your money beliefs.

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We have a money meditation, money affirmations.

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There's so many different topics that I think can be so helpful, so I'll leave the link down below if you want to start a free trial.

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Like I said earlier, nervous system regulation is really intertwined with all of these other things

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that I put under this category called inner work, right?

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It has to do with your mindset.

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It has to do with your emotions, your body, even your spiritual self.

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So it's all connected.

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Your mindset, your self-worth, just everything.

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Because your nervous system is the baseline of how you operate, how your body allows you to operate in reality, in your life.

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And so many people don't realize that that's the operating system that's kind of running your mind, your emotions, and your life.

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But that's what it is.

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Once you become aware of like, oh my God, that is the foundation that's running the system that I've been operating on.

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And in order to change my outcome, I have to change what's inside.

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I have to change that internal system.

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Then all of this stuff that we call inner work, it contributes to healing your nervous system.

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So another part that I really love about this work is healing and releasing through your body, because it's not just a mindset thing.

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Yes, your mindset, your self-talk, subconscious programming, all of that is so powerful in this work as well.

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There's definitely a space for that, but I also love the body aspect, the somatic aspect.

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I have a few videos on this channel about somatic healing and my healing journey with Eastern holistic healing,

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so I'll link those below if you're new here.

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But essentially, you can heal.

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If you're aware of where you have more fears or more limiting beliefs,

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more blockages, you find the chakra or the location in your body that that fear is associated with,

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and you can physically work with that part in your body.

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So for example, if you have a lot of sadness and heartbrokenness,

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you literally have a heart chakra where you hold a lot of heaviness.

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Maybe you feel betrayed by someone.

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Maybe it's hard to forgive someone.

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You can hold that here.

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I tend to have a lot that I hold in the root and the sacral chakra areas,

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and so I really like working with those areas.

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And when I mean working, I guess I'll make more videos on how I do this specifically, but to put it simply,

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I will do long, deep hold massages in those areas.

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We tend to hold a lot of fear and anxiety in our gut, our belly area.

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Think about when you're nervous.

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When you're nervous before a test or nervous before something important, you do feel like your stomach tightens.

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You feel like whatever you feel tightens.

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Sometimes it's our shoulders that tighten.

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So wherever you feel tension or tightness in your body, that's where you're being tense when your nervous system feels unsafe.

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And so this work is just literally massaging and relaxing and releasing those areas while saying these positive affirmations like,

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I am safe, I am loved, I am worthy.

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Mostly, I think I am safe is the most powerful one.

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So what I will do is I will warm up my body with some yoga, just gentle yoga for 10 minutes maybe.

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And then depending on where I want to work, I might massage, foam roll some areas.

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My favorite is I have this wooden pillow, and I will lay down, belly down, on top of that wooden pillow.

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You can just lay on anything, like a yoga block or something that's not too sharp, obviously, but something that applies pressure.

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And you'll notice the knots you hold in your stomach.

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I'm literally just moving like this on top of the wooden pillow

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and just feeling whether there are knots and really tense areas,

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Deep breathing through them and then repeating affirmations like, I am safe.

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I am safe.

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I can let go.

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I can let go control.

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I can release.

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I can release the story.

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This is all dependent on your awareness of what beliefs you want to work on, what you want to release.

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But what I love is you can incorporate your body into it.

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It's just really awesome that there are so many angles you can heal from.

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Let me know in the comments, what is the one block or limiting belief that if you were to release it, would make the biggest change in your life?

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What would that be?

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I want you to reflect and think about what might be holding you back.

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If you could just erase that, what would it be?

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Because it is possible.

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It's not like an immediate thing.

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It's a process, but that's what we're here to do.

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It's called the inner work.

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And that's why I am so excited to continue being able to share it with you.

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For example, this video is teaching the concept,

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but in my app, we have the guided audios and exercises to help you actually go through the process,

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to help you release, to help you reprogram your mind, to help you find that safety in your body.

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Whether it's through meditation, affirmations, or whatever, journaling, we have it in resonance.

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I'm so excited for you to try it.

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Let me know your thoughts on this topic down below.

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And there's so much more I could talk about this, but I'll save it for another video.

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Sending you so much love and I will see you in the next one.

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Bye!

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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Этот урок разговорной практики уровня B2 построен на видео «Your body decides before you do». В этом видео 279 предложений и 3531 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 21:27. Говорящий говорит в естественном темпе, около 165 слов в минуту, близком к повседневной речи. 85% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием.

Ключевая лексика этого видео

Самые сложные слова из видео (15), с произношением и значением:

Слово	Произношение	Значение
boundary существительное	/ˈbaʊndɹi/	грани́ца, межа́
heal глагол	/ˈhiːl/	лечи́ть, вы́лечить
unsafe прилагательное	/ʌnˈseɪf/	опасный
discomfort существительное	/dɪsˈkʌmfɚt/	дискомфо́рт
mindset существительное	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	склад ума́, о́браз мы́слей
affirmation существительное	/æfɝˈmeɪʃn/	подтверждение
baseline существительное	/ˈbeɪslaɪn/	базовая линия, линия шрифта
anxious прилагательное	/ˈæŋkʃəs/	озабо́ченный, беспоко́ящийся
chakra существительное	/ˈt͡ʃɑː.kɹə/	ча́кра
tighten глагол	/ˈtaɪ.tən/	натя́гивать, натяну́ть
sympathetic прилагательное	/ˌsɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/	сочувствующий
meditation существительное	/mɛdɪˈteɪʃn̩/	медита́ция, разду́мье
pillow существительное	/ˈpɪl.oʊ/ [ˈpʰɪɫ.ö̞]	поду́шка
massage существительное	/məˈsɑ(d)ʒ/	масса́ж
uncomfortable прилагательное	/ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/	неудо́бный, некомфорта́бельный

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Слово	Произношение	Значение
show up глагол		объявля́ться, объяви́ться
calm down глагол		успока́иваться, успоко́иться
check out глагол		проверя́ть, прове́рить
grow up глагол		расти́, выраста́ть
lie down глагол		ложи́ться, лечь
put under глагол		давать наркоз
warm up глагол	/ˌwɔː(ɹ)m ˈʌp/	нагрева́ться, нагре́ться

Фразы, которые стоит повторять

Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:

How safe do you feel in discomfort?
How much money do you feel safe holding?
Do you feel safe with success?
What is the baseline that you're living every day?
What can I not handle and why?

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат	if they didn't, that would mean · if you were to release it, would make
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	have been set · were conditioned · were disowned
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	you've heard · have been set · I've grown

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Говорящий использует 59 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например you're, they're, I'm. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.

Звуки «th»: parasympathetic /ˌpɛɹ.ə.sɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/, sympathetic /ˌsɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/
Звуки «sh» и «zh»: affirmation /æfɝˈmeɪʃn/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, meditation /mɛdɪˈteɪʃn̩/, massage /məˈsɑ(d)ʒ/, flashcard /ˈflæʃˌkɑɹd/
Длинные слова — следите за ударением: parasympathetic /ˌpɛɹ.ə.sɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/, sympathetic /ˌsɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, repetition /ˌɹɛp.əˈtɪʃ.ən/, uncertainty /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/

Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:

/w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: intertwine /ˌɪntəɹˈtwaɪn/, perpetuate /pɚˈpɛt͡ʃəˌweɪt/
/h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: heal /ˈhiːl/, heaviness /ˈhɛvɪnəs/, holistic /hoʊˈlɪs.tɪk/
Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: massage /məˈsɑ(d)ʒ/, flashcard /ˈflæʃˌkɑɹd/, blockage /ˈblɑkɪd͡ʒ/, evolve /ɪˈvɑlv/, freeze /ˈfɹiːz/

Как заниматься с этим видео

Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как boundary, heal, unsafe.

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

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Что такое техника Shadowing?