Shadowing Practice: How to Make Someone Obsessed With YOU (Even If You’re Not Their Type) - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Someone you want to notice you barely knows you exist, but what if I told you there's a way to make that person think about you even when you're not around?
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To make them look forward to seeing you?
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To make them feel like something's missing when you're gone?
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Here's what you're about to learn.
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First, how to spot what a person secretly craves.
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Second, how to give it to them in a way that feels natural.
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Third, the one mistake that ruins everything, which I'll reveal at the very end this works whether you
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want someone to like you romantically respect you at work
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or just pay attention to you the technique stays the same
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here's the uncomfortable truth most people try to be interesting they
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show off they talk about themselves they try to impress that's
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backwards the secret is making the other person feel something they're not getting anywhere else
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i once watched someone do this without even realizing it they
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weren't the most attractive person in the room they weren't the most confident they weren't the funniest
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but people kept gravitating back to them seeking them out asking
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when they'd be around again why
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because they understood something most people miss every person walks around with an invisible gap inside them something they want
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but rarely get when you fill that gap they become attached to you
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not because you're perfect but
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because you give them what nobody else does there are four
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types of gaps most people have one that's bigger than the others your job is to find
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which one then fill it
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but here's the thing you can't just guess you need to watch for signals
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when you talk to someone watch their energy most of the time they're just normal talking responding nothing special
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but sometimes something shifts they get more animated they talk faster
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they lean in their voice changes that's the signal most people never notice this when you see that shift
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pay attention to what caused it was it something about them
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their achievements their struggles their goals here's an example you're talking
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to someone about random stuff movies weather whatever then you mention
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working out suddenly they light up they start talking about their
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gym routine how they hit a new personal record how they're training for something that energy spike
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that's your clue or maybe you're talking about jobs they mention wanting to start their own business but
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when they say it there's something different maybe they repeat it
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maybe they explain it twice maybe they pause waiting for your
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reaction that's another signal eh they're testing whether you see their dream is real
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or stupid most people miss these moments completely they're too busy
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thinking about what to say next therefore they never learn what the other person actually cares about him, but you're going to be different.
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You're going to watch for those moments because once you spot them, you have the information you need.
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However, knowing someone has a gap isn't enough.
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You need to know which type of gap it is.
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That's where the four types come in.
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The first type of person craves validation.
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These people want to feel special.
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They want to feel admired.
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They talk about their wins, their accomplishments, the impressive things they've done.
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They might tell you the same story more than once.
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Here's what most people do wrong they give direct compliments wow you're so smart that's amazing
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you're really talented
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that does nothing the person hears it feels good for five
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seconds then forgets about it instead you need to make them
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feel praised without directly praising them first method ask them for
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advice not fake advice real advice find something they're good at then actually ask them about it
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when they answer respond with genuine interest i never thought about it
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that way that makes
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so much sense you're not telling them they're smart you're treating them like they're smart
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that hits deeper second method let them know other people see their value
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don't say you're great at running instead say mike and i were talking the other day
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he mentioned you run like six miles without stopping i didn't believe him now they feel validated twice first
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because people are talking about them second because what they do is impressive enough
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that someone doubted it third method joke about something they're proud of
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if they're tall make a height joke
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if they're fit make a fitness joke you're acknowledging what makes
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them special without being direct about it keep this playful keep it light make them smile
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while they feel good about themselves but here's what makes this really work
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which i'll explain at the end there's one more thing you have to do or this whole technique backfires
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the second type of person lives with fear they have a big goal something
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that would change their life
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if they pulled it off starting a business getting into a
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specific school making a career switch landing a difficult opportunity everyone around them says you can do it don't give up
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believe in yourself that doesn't help because they already know all that
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deep down they're scared it won't work out they're scared they'll fail They're scared they're wasting their time.
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This part makes people nervous because it requires you to sit with someone else's fear instead of trying to fix it.
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When they talk about their goal, listen for the fear underneath.
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They might mention obstacles, they might talk about how hard it is, they might express doubt.
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This is where most people make a huge mistake.
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They jump in with advice.
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Have you tried this?
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You should do that.
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Here's what I would do.
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Stop.
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They don't want advice unless they ask for it what they
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want is hope here's how you give it tell them a
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story about someone who succeeded in the same situation someone who
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faced the same challenges someone who had the same doubts
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but who made it work my cousin was in your exact position he wanted to get into tech
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but had no experience he felt completely lost
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but he stuck with it now he works at a major company the turning point for him was
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when he realized everyone starts at zero the story gives them proof
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that their goal is possible it gives them a road map it gives them hope
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or let them know their fear is normal everyone who's ever
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done this felt the same way at your stage it's part
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of the process you're not solving their problem you're making them
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feel less alone in it slow down here let them talk
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let them feel hurt this is where real connection happens however there's a third type of person
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and this one's different third type carries a wound maybe they got rejected
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maybe they failed publicly maybe someone betrayed them maybe they embarrassed
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themselves the details don't matter what matters is they feel like something is wrong with them because of it
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your job isn't to fix the wound is to reframe it
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let's say someone got rejected by a person they liked they're
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dwelling on it wondering what's wrong with them replaying it in their mind don't tell them, you're too good for them anyway.
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That sounds fake.
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Instead, present facts that shift how they see the situation.
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Didn't that person just get out of a long relationship?
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Didn't they reject other people too?
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Aren't they dealing with their own stuff right now?
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You're showing them the rejection wasn't about their value.
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It was about circumstances.
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Or if they're with someone new, point out how much better the new situation is.
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This person treats you way better.
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You two actually have things in common.
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They clearly respect you.
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You're helping them see they've already moved past what hurt them.
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But here's the thing.
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None of this works without the final piece.
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And that's what most people completely miss.
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Quick thing, hit like and drop a comment telling me which type you relate to most.
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All right, here's what ties everything together.
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Everything I've shown you so far is powerful.
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But there's one thing that makes the difference between someone who likes you
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and someone who becomes obsessed with you timing you can't give someone validation hope
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or reassurance every single time you talk to them
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if you do they get used to it it becomes normal
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it loses power instead you give it to them sporadically not every conversation not on a schedule randomly here's why
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that works when something good happens to us unpredictably our brain gets more excited about it than
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when it happens predictably it's the same reason people get addicted to gambling social media
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or checking their phone the randomness makes it more powerful
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so after you've filled their gap a few times pull back
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have a normal conversation where you don't give them anything special let them notice the difference their brain will register
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that talking to you sometimes gives them that feeling they crave
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but not always therefore they'll want to talk to you more
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hoping to get it again this is the piece nobody talks about everyone focuses on what to say.
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But when to say it matters just as much.
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If you praise someone every time you see them, they'll think you're just nice.
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But if you do it occasionally, unpredictably, they'll start looking forward to your interactions.
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They'll wonder when it's coming next.
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They'll think about you when you're not there.
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The same applies to hope.
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The same applies to reassurance.
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Give it sometimes, not always.
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But here's the most important part.
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This only works if you're genuine.
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If you're faking interest in people just to manipulate them, they'll sense it eventually.
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People aren't stupid.
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The goal isn't to trick people into liking you.
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It's to understand what they need, then genuinely provide it when you can.
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When you do this right, something interesting happens.
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People start seeking you out.
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They text you first.
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They remember things you said.
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They ask when they'll see you again.
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They feel like you understand them in a way most people don't.
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You become the person they think about.
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The person they want around.
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The person they feel best around.
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Not because you're perfect, but because you pay attention.
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Because you give them something real.
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Because you understand what they need.
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People don't get obsessed with who talks the most.
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They get obsessed with who makes them feel understood.
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Thanks for watching, and until next time.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze video bevat 160 zinnen en 1770 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 9:53. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 179 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 91% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
15 minder gangbare woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
- praise /pɹeɪz/ (werkwoord) — loven, prijzen. To give praise to; to commend, glorify, or worship.
- scare /skɛɚ/ (werkwoord) — bang maken, beangstigen. To frighten, terrify, startle, especially in a minor way.
- impressive /ɪmˈpɹɛsɪv/ (bijvoeglijk naamwoord) — indrukwekkend, imposant. Making, or tending to make, a positive impression; having power to impress.
- technique /tɛkˈniːk/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — techniek. The practical aspects of a given art, occupation etc.; formal requirements.
- genuine /ˈd͡ʒɛn.juˌɪn/ (bijvoeglijk naamwoord) — echt, authentiek. Belonging to, or proceeding from the original stock; native.
- validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — validering. The act of validating something.
- gap /ɡæp/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — reet, spleet. An opening in anything, made by breaking or parting.
- reveal /ɹɪˈviːl/ (werkwoord) — onthullen, zich ontpoppen. To uncover; to show and display that which was hidden.
- rarely /ˈɹɛəɹli/ (bijwoord) — zelden. Not occurring at a regular interval; seldom; not often.
- solve /sɒlv/ (werkwoord) — oplossen. To find an answer or solution to a problem or question; to work out.
- cousin /ˈkʌz(ə)n/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — neef, nicht. Chiefly with a qualifying word: Any relation (especially a distant one) who is not a direct ancestor or descendant but part of a person's extended family; a…
- occasionally /əˈkeɪʒənəli/ (bijwoord) — af en toe, wel eens. On occasion: at relatively infrequent intervals, from time to time, sometimes.
- achievement /əˈt͡ʃiːv.mənt/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — prestatie. The act of achieving or performing; a successful performance; accomplishment.
- ruin /ˈɹuː.ɪn/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — ruïne, bouwval. The remains of a destroyed or dilapidated construction, such as a house or castle.
- talented /ˈtæləntɪd/ (bijvoeglijk naamwoord) — getalenteerd. Endowed with one or more talents.
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
- look forward to (werkwoord) — uitkijken naar, zich verheugen op. To anticipate, expect, or wait for, especially with a feeling of approval or pleasure; to be excited or eager to.
- work out /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ (werkwoord) — uitrekenen. To calculate.
- deal with (werkwoord) — behandelen. To handle verbally or in some form of artistic expression; to address or discuss as a subject.
- give up (werkwoord) — zich overgeven. To surrender (someone or something); to inform on (someone).
- point out (werkwoord) — aanwijzen, aanduiden. To identify among a group of similar subjects, or in a scene where the subject might not be readily seen or noticed, with a gesture of the body.
- show off (werkwoord) — zich aanstellen, pronken met. To exhibit the best attributes of something.
- slow down (werkwoord) — afremmen. To decelerate.
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 80 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals you're, they're, don't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, occasionally /əˈkeɪʒənəli/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, accomplishment /əˈkɑm.plɪʃ.mənt/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, occasionally /əˈkeɪʒənəli/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als praise, scare, impressive.
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Voorwaardelijke zinnen if + zin, will/would + werkwoord — een voorwaarde en het gevolg | if you do it occasionally, unpredictably, they'll start |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | they've done · Have you tried · they've already moved |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | someone who succeeded · someone who had · someone who likes |
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.