Shadowing Practice: 5 conversation habits that make strangers trust you fast - Learn English Speaking with Video
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In elementary school and high school where I was basically a complete loner.
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I didn't have a lot of friends.
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I wasn't popular.
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But throughout this time, I was really trying to adapt and become more likable and I became really good at small talk.
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But the downside to being good at small talk is that the conversation doesn't go any deeper.
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And in fact, people only see you as a stranger, even though you may be talking to them for years on end.
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But it seems like no one's ever more interested or more invested in what you have to say or who you are.
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Because I was so focused on staying likable.
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I was so focused on staying surface level.
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people and to get people to open up
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and to get people to fully trust you
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and see you that's why in this video i'm going to be sharing with you how to have deeper connections
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and be a better conversationalist through deeper conversation no matter how
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different the person you're talking to these tips are going to
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help you literally connect with anyone here are all the video chapters
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and you can find the video chapters in the description below and if you are someone who is ready to do
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I provide worksheets for every single one of my videos.
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In these worksheets, you'll find in -depth journaling prompts as well as practical exercises to help you start removing your limiting beliefs
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and to write down an action plan so you can start living out as your highest self today.
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You can access these worksheets down in the description below.
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Now let's dive right into the video.
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The first thing is to show your initial appreciation.
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So when you're meeting someone for the first time or if you vaguely know them or if you're very close with them.
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Show your appreciation that you're excited to see them, that you're genuinely happy and lit up.
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And how you can see this is the change in your facial expression.
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So if you are saying, I'm so happy to see you.
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No, you don't actually mean that.
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But if you were to smile, not only with your mouth,
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but with your eyes and showing that your face is lighting up the moment presence is making her happy.
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My presence is important to her.
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We all want to feel important around other people.
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When you're meeting the person for the first time, I also highly recommend that you say something like, wow, I've heard such amazing things about you, or it's so nice to finally see you.
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It's so nice to finally get to meet you.
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I've been looking forward to this all week.
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And find some way to show your appreciation for this person's time when we're complimenting
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we tend to get very carried away around, "Oh, we can only compliment someone based on their looks or based on what they're wearing." Again,
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this is back to the surface level aspect of getting to know people.
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But appreciation is about appreciating people's presence.
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their mind, their values, their intellect.
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And when you compliment someone beyond what the eyes see, but where the heart feels, where the mind is stimulated,
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these are real indications of someone's value that is beyond the surface level.
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So find some ways to show that appreciation for that person and especially complimenting someone's mind.
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I mean, who doesn't love that?
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The second level conversation as an opportunity to go a level deeper.
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Navigate the conversation to the question, what does that make you feel?
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There's an emotional resonance that is in the deep part of themselves.
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So you don't want to ask the question verbatim, like how does that make you feel?
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But some examples could be what experience made you choose this decision?
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Or what did you learn from this experience?
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You want to see people like an onion and how you unravel an onion is that you go layer by layer.
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You peel the onion and slowly it reveals its core to you.
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But if you want to go straight to the core and you cut it with a knife, that's incredibly invasive and I don't think that onion is going to be very happy.
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When you are meeting someone for the first time, obviously you don't want a trauma dump and ask them very revealing questions off the bat.
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It's supposed to come very naturally.
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You're not supposed to go from level one to level 16 right from one question.
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But it's because people take time to gain the sense of safety around you.
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If you're in a conversation with somebody and you're asking, oh, what do you do?
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And he says, oh, I'm a lawyer.
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And then this can be an opportunity for you to go a level deeper.
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So what you can ask is, was there a specific experience that you went through
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that made you choose to become a lawyer? and simply from asking
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that question helps you unlock a deeper layer of that person.
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It forces that person to really sit in presence
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and think about their answer and it really is about approaching the depth within themselves.
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The reason why people are afraid of asking deeper questions
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or getting into deeper conversations is not because they're afraid of making the other person
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they themselves are not comfortable with that depth.
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The deeper you can get with yourself, you are able to connect with people on that same depth and frequency.
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You notice how I gained your trust immediately by opening up about my past in the beginning of this video.
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And it's because being vulnerable is what instills trust and it's also what instills trust safety.
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And that's not to say that people don't get uncomfortable, right?
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Sometimes I get into conversations and sometimes I do get a little deep
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and people get a little afraid and they're like, oh.
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Even though it makes people uncomfortable, at least you were brave enough to put yourself out there and put yourself in this place of vulnerability.
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But sometimes that initiation comes and starts with you, which I know is a little scary because like I said,
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if people don't can you imagine
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if you never tried going there ever you stay with surface
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level topics like how's your day how's the weather you'll find
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that the relationships
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that you build through these surface level conversations people are going to treat you like a stranger even
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if you've known them for several years and it's just
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because you lacked the bravery to seek out deeper layers in your went so deep within myself.
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That was the year where I became more spiritual.
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That was the year where I became more reflective.
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I journaled a lot more.
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I read more self -development books, spiritual texts.
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I became so much more interested in my own internal reality.
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And I started to have more of these conversations with my everyday friends.
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I've also experienced a development in my existing friendships where the more that I opened up about this stuff,
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one, it also encouraged reality and start to seek more answers through spirituality, self -development.
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But two, I realized that some of my friendships were already invested in this line of study
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and it made those relationships so much stronger for me
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and I became so much closer with them because I was also able to resonate and connect with their depth too.
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And vulnerability starts with you.
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It really does
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word of vulnerability is far greater than staying at the surface
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level realm of talking about the weather the next tip is to repeat back the words
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that really stood out to you so have you ever read a piece of text
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or a textbook and you see this long paragraph
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but there may be a statement or a word that is bolded
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so in conversation if you want to have more meaningful conversations and you want
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have to do is repeat back the same words.
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Because repeating those words actually add rhythm to the conversation.
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So for example, if someone was opening up about their childhood and said, you know, I was very isolated and alone growing up.
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And then what you can say is isolated and alone.
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And then they're going to say, yeah, yeah, I felt that no one really understood me.
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And I felt like I was just constantly fending for myself and trying to survive.
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And just by simply repeating the words that stood out to you, right, enables them to kind of keep going with their train of thought.
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This is also a tip that a lot of therapists use as well.
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Just by simply repeating the same way
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that their clients talk about their problems actually helps the client connect more with their therapist.
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It also makes people feel seen if you are repeating something that the person has said verbatim, maybe just a couple words,
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maybe a few sentences, but it helps people feel completely understood
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and seen and how often do we get that feeling from a stranger
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or how often do we get that feeling from anyone in general
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and it's because the truth is we don't come across
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that many people that make us feel seen
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and understood that's why this tool which is so simple is
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so effective so I highly recommend that you try this as soon as you can
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because you'll be very surprised to see where this will take you The next thing is to advocate for people's past.
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If your friend is going through a breakup, the last thing she wants to hear is, I never liked him anyways, he was such a loser.
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Because you're also saying that she has judgment issues
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and she's not able to make good decisions and you're essentially just calling her stupid.
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So it invalidates her past decisions.
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Maybe you are right.
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Maybe he wasn't the greatest guy.
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Maybe he did terrible things.
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truly be a good conversationalist as well as someone who really is a safe person to be around is
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that you can advocate for why she did the best
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that she could given the circumstances or the knowledge or the wisdom
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that she had and you can say things like I totally understand why you stayed in
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that relationship longer than you should have and it's not your fault because you had such a
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just wanted some sort of safety.
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Your inner child was just looking for a place to call home
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but I'm so glad that you realize that you're worth more than how you were being treated in that relationship.
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Empathize with them around why they did that and how you can help them see past the anger,
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the shame, and start showing them how they can empathize with their inner child
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and how to show more support and that starts with you showing that empathy for that person.
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I being emotional and that there is strength in being empathetic
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because people who are empathetic are usually those that tend to be great conversationalists.
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and they tend to be people that connect with people quite easily, and they're able to be that person that everyone wants to be around.
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I know that some people tend to be like, "I'm way too empathetic, I shouldn't be like this,
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I'm too nice," but being emotional and being empathetic is actually an incredible superpower.
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The very last tip is to simply pause.
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Sometimes you may not necessarily always need to talk.
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And when you're in a meaningful conversation, the pace is slow.
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On social media, if you are someone who naturally likes to swipe on TikTok and Instagram, you often see that a lot of videos are very quick, you know, quick cuts.
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Any pause, any sort of breath just gets taken out.
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And the more that you watch these videos,
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the more you have this inclination of assuming is fast, right?
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You want to get your message across quick.
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You want to be able to captivate people.
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But having meaningful, deep conversations is the complete opposite because it's all about presence and slowness even,
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but it's really about being there with the person.
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And if that person is sharing a story, as we've talked about before, but also really gathering their emotions, you're
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better immediately but just pause give them space to experience what it is
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that they need to experience and stop trying to fix the sadness Stop trying to convince them, "Oh no no no no, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry." Just be there.
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Just...
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Stay there because you being present with them is already a hug.
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You being there for them is already enough.
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Silence is natural in a conversation, especially when you wanna build a deeper relationship with a person.
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Silence is actually necessary.
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It gives people an opportunity to breathe.
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It gives people an opportunity to think about what you just said.
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And it also gives people the opportunity to ask questions back to you.
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People are not going to necessarily remember
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in a conversation but people will always remember how you made them feel pausing is
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so important don't be afraid of it because there's no need to be afraid of silence
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It is a very beautiful way for people to just dissect
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and really allow your ideas and thoughts to seep into their body.
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And that is what makes you memorable.
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Now, we've reached the end of this video.
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This video is a little calmer than usual because it is currently 11 p .m right now,
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but I'm still rallying because I just felt really connected to share this topic.
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I find that a lot of people nowadays are becoming more and more distant.
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and social anxiety is such a common thing now.
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But if you implement these tools and just be brave enough to put yourself out there to have these vulnerable conversations, you'll be able to experience less loneliness
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and just feel more empowered to make brand new friendships that match your level of depth.
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And if you don't think you have depth, think again.
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The fact that you even clicked into this video
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because you wanted to have more meaningful conversations shows that you already have that depth within you.
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So don't be intimidated by it, but instead lean into it because there are so many people
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that are so ready and so excited to have deeper conversations with you.
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If you want to implement everything I've taught in this video, then check out my worksheets down below.
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And if you are on the journey of becoming the woman of your dreams and building a life that you love, check out my channel because I make a ton of videos about self -worth,
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relationships, love, money, career, literally all things high value women energy.
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check out this video over here.
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This video is all about how to become more articulate.
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Whether you're in a job interview, on a date, at a networking event, being articulate will take you so far in life.
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I love and appreciate you so much.
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Thank you so much for tuning in all the way to the end.
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It's good night for me, but I hope to see you in the next video.
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Bye!
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau B2 is gebaseerd op de video “5 conversation habits that make strangers trust you fast”. Deze video bevat 193 zinnen en 2560 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 15:38. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 164 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 87% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| appreciation zelfstandig naamwoord | /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/ | waardering |
| onion zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈʌn.jən/ | ui, ajuin |
| compliment zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈkɑmpləmənt/ | compliment |
| pause zelfstandig naamwoord | /pɔːz/ | pauze |
| meaningful bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fl̩/ | zinvol |
| vulnerability zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/ | kwetsbaarheid, zwakke plek |
| instill werkwoord | /ɪnˈstɪl/ | bijbrengen |
| verbatim bijwoord | /vəɹˈbeɪ.tɪm/ | woord voor woord, letterlijk |
| articulate werkwoord | /ɑːɹˈtɪk.jə.leɪt/ | uitleggen |
| isolate werkwoord | /ˈaɪ.sə.leɪt/ | isoleren |
| therapist zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/ | therapeut, therapeute |
| uncomfortable bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ | ongemakkelijk |
| implement werkwoord | /ˈɪmpləmənt/ | implementeren, (in de praktijk) toepassen |
| captivate werkwoord | /ˈkæptəˌveɪt/ | bekoren, boeien |
| dissect werkwoord | /dɪˈsɛkt/ | ontleden |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| check out werkwoord | onderzoeken |
| come across werkwoord | overkomen |
| grow up werkwoord | opgroeien |
| look forward to werkwoord | uitkijken naar, zich verheugen op |
| write down werkwoord | opschrijven, neerschrijven |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- I didn't have a lot of friends.
- No, you don't actually mean that.
- It's so nice to finally get to meet you.
- I've been looking forward to this all week.
- I mean, who doesn't love that?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | I've heard · you've known · I've also experienced |
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | is stimulated · were already invested · is bolded |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | someone who is · tool which is · someone who really |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 59 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals you're, don't, I'm. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De “th”-klanken: empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: appreciation /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, inclination /ˌɪn.klɪˈneɪ.ʃən/, initiation /ɪˌnɪʃ.iˈeɪ.ʃən/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: appreciation /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, vulnerability /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/, articulate /ɑːɹˈtɪk.jə.leɪt/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: pause /pɔːz/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/, downside /ˈdaʊnˌsaɪd/, reflective /ɹɪˈflɛktɪv/, invasive /ɪnˈveɪsɪv/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: captivate /ˈkæptəˌveɪt/, invalidate /ɪnˈvæl.əˌdeɪt/, unravel /ˌʌnˈɹævəl/, spirituality /ˌspɪɹ.ə.t͡ʃuˈæl.ə.tɪ/, circumstance /ˈsɝ.kəmˌstæns/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: vaguely /ˈveɪɡli/, navigate /ˈnæv.ɪ.ɡeɪt/, paragraph /ˈpæɹəɡɹæf/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als appreciation, onion, compliment.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.