Shadowing Practice: 5 conversation habits that make strangers trust you fast - Learn English Speaking with Video
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In elementary school and high school where I was basically a complete loner.
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I didn't have a lot of friends.
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I wasn't popular.
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But throughout this time, I was really trying to adapt and become more likable and I became really good at small talk.
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But the downside to being good at small talk is that the conversation doesn't go any deeper.
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And in fact, people only see you as a stranger, even though you may be talking to them for years on end.
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But it seems like no one's ever more interested or more invested in what you have to say or who you are.
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Because I was so focused on staying likable.
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I was so focused on staying surface level.
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people and to get people to open up
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and to get people to fully trust you
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and see you that's why in this video i'm going to be sharing with you how to have deeper connections
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and be a better conversationalist through deeper conversation no matter how
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different the person you're talking to these tips are going to
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help you literally connect with anyone here are all the video chapters
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and you can find the video chapters in the description below and if you are someone who is ready to do
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I provide worksheets for every single one of my videos.
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In these worksheets, you'll find in -depth journaling prompts as well as practical exercises to help you start removing your limiting beliefs
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and to write down an action plan so you can start living out as your highest self today.
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You can access these worksheets down in the description below.
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Now let's dive right into the video.
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The first thing is to show your initial appreciation.
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So when you're meeting someone for the first time or if you vaguely know them or if you're very close with them.
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Show your appreciation that you're excited to see them, that you're genuinely happy and lit up.
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And how you can see this is the change in your facial expression.
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So if you are saying, I'm so happy to see you.
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No, you don't actually mean that.
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But if you were to smile, not only with your mouth,
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but with your eyes and showing that your face is lighting up the moment presence is making her happy.
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My presence is important to her.
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We all want to feel important around other people.
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When you're meeting the person for the first time, I also highly recommend that you say something like, wow, I've heard such amazing things about you, or it's so nice to finally see you.
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It's so nice to finally get to meet you.
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I've been looking forward to this all week.
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And find some way to show your appreciation for this person's time when we're complimenting
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we tend to get very carried away around, "Oh, we can only compliment someone based on their looks or based on what they're wearing." Again,
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this is back to the surface level aspect of getting to know people.
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But appreciation is about appreciating people's presence.
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their mind, their values, their intellect.
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And when you compliment someone beyond what the eyes see, but where the heart feels, where the mind is stimulated,
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these are real indications of someone's value that is beyond the surface level.
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So find some ways to show that appreciation for that person and especially complimenting someone's mind.
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I mean, who doesn't love that?
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The second level conversation as an opportunity to go a level deeper.
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Navigate the conversation to the question, what does that make you feel?
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There's an emotional resonance that is in the deep part of themselves.
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So you don't want to ask the question verbatim, like how does that make you feel?
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But some examples could be what experience made you choose this decision?
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Or what did you learn from this experience?
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You want to see people like an onion and how you unravel an onion is that you go layer by layer.
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You peel the onion and slowly it reveals its core to you.
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But if you want to go straight to the core and you cut it with a knife, that's incredibly invasive and I don't think that onion is going to be very happy.
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When you are meeting someone for the first time, obviously you don't want a trauma dump and ask them very revealing questions off the bat.
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It's supposed to come very naturally.
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You're not supposed to go from level one to level 16 right from one question.
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But it's because people take time to gain the sense of safety around you.
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If you're in a conversation with somebody and you're asking, oh, what do you do?
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And he says, oh, I'm a lawyer.
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And then this can be an opportunity for you to go a level deeper.
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So what you can ask is, was there a specific experience that you went through
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that made you choose to become a lawyer? and simply from asking
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that question helps you unlock a deeper layer of that person.
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It forces that person to really sit in presence
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and think about their answer and it really is about approaching the depth within themselves.
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The reason why people are afraid of asking deeper questions
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or getting into deeper conversations is not because they're afraid of making the other person
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they themselves are not comfortable with that depth.
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The deeper you can get with yourself, you are able to connect with people on that same depth and frequency.
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You notice how I gained your trust immediately by opening up about my past in the beginning of this video.
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And it's because being vulnerable is what instills trust and it's also what instills trust safety.
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And that's not to say that people don't get uncomfortable, right?
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Sometimes I get into conversations and sometimes I do get a little deep
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and people get a little afraid and they're like, oh.
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Even though it makes people uncomfortable, at least you were brave enough to put yourself out there and put yourself in this place of vulnerability.
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But sometimes that initiation comes and starts with you, which I know is a little scary because like I said,
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if people don't can you imagine
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if you never tried going there ever you stay with surface
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level topics like how's your day how's the weather you'll find
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that the relationships
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that you build through these surface level conversations people are going to treat you like a stranger even
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if you've known them for several years and it's just
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because you lacked the bravery to seek out deeper layers in your went so deep within myself.
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That was the year where I became more spiritual.
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That was the year where I became more reflective.
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I journaled a lot more.
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I read more self -development books, spiritual texts.
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I became so much more interested in my own internal reality.
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And I started to have more of these conversations with my everyday friends.
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I've also experienced a development in my existing friendships where the more that I opened up about this stuff,
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one, it also encouraged reality and start to seek more answers through spirituality, self -development.
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But two, I realized that some of my friendships were already invested in this line of study
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and it made those relationships so much stronger for me
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and I became so much closer with them because I was also able to resonate and connect with their depth too.
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And vulnerability starts with you.
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It really does
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word of vulnerability is far greater than staying at the surface
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level realm of talking about the weather the next tip is to repeat back the words
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that really stood out to you so have you ever read a piece of text
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or a textbook and you see this long paragraph
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but there may be a statement or a word that is bolded
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so in conversation if you want to have more meaningful conversations and you want
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have to do is repeat back the same words.
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Because repeating those words actually add rhythm to the conversation.
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So for example, if someone was opening up about their childhood and said, you know, I was very isolated and alone growing up.
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And then what you can say is isolated and alone.
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And then they're going to say, yeah, yeah, I felt that no one really understood me.
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And I felt like I was just constantly fending for myself and trying to survive.
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And just by simply repeating the words that stood out to you, right, enables them to kind of keep going with their train of thought.
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This is also a tip that a lot of therapists use as well.
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Just by simply repeating the same way
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that their clients talk about their problems actually helps the client connect more with their therapist.
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It also makes people feel seen if you are repeating something that the person has said verbatim, maybe just a couple words,
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maybe a few sentences, but it helps people feel completely understood
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and seen and how often do we get that feeling from a stranger
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or how often do we get that feeling from anyone in general
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and it's because the truth is we don't come across
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that many people that make us feel seen
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and understood that's why this tool which is so simple is
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so effective so I highly recommend that you try this as soon as you can
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because you'll be very surprised to see where this will take you The next thing is to advocate for people's past.
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If your friend is going through a breakup, the last thing she wants to hear is, I never liked him anyways, he was such a loser.
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Because you're also saying that she has judgment issues
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and she's not able to make good decisions and you're essentially just calling her stupid.
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So it invalidates her past decisions.
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Maybe you are right.
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Maybe he wasn't the greatest guy.
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Maybe he did terrible things.
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truly be a good conversationalist as well as someone who really is a safe person to be around is
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that you can advocate for why she did the best
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that she could given the circumstances or the knowledge or the wisdom
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that she had and you can say things like I totally understand why you stayed in
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that relationship longer than you should have and it's not your fault because you had such a
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just wanted some sort of safety.
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Your inner child was just looking for a place to call home
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but I'm so glad that you realize that you're worth more than how you were being treated in that relationship.
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Empathize with them around why they did that and how you can help them see past the anger,
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the shame, and start showing them how they can empathize with their inner child
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and how to show more support and that starts with you showing that empathy for that person.
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I being emotional and that there is strength in being empathetic
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because people who are empathetic are usually those that tend to be great conversationalists.
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and they tend to be people that connect with people quite easily, and they're able to be that person that everyone wants to be around.
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I know that some people tend to be like, "I'm way too empathetic, I shouldn't be like this,
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I'm too nice," but being emotional and being empathetic is actually an incredible superpower.
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The very last tip is to simply pause.
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Sometimes you may not necessarily always need to talk.
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And when you're in a meaningful conversation, the pace is slow.
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On social media, if you are someone who naturally likes to swipe on TikTok and Instagram, you often see that a lot of videos are very quick, you know, quick cuts.
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Any pause, any sort of breath just gets taken out.
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And the more that you watch these videos,
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the more you have this inclination of assuming is fast, right?
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You want to get your message across quick.
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You want to be able to captivate people.
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But having meaningful, deep conversations is the complete opposite because it's all about presence and slowness even,
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but it's really about being there with the person.
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And if that person is sharing a story, as we've talked about before, but also really gathering their emotions, you're
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better immediately but just pause give them space to experience what it is
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that they need to experience and stop trying to fix the sadness Stop trying to convince them, "Oh no no no no, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry." Just be there.
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Just...
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Stay there because you being present with them is already a hug.
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You being there for them is already enough.
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Silence is natural in a conversation, especially when you wanna build a deeper relationship with a person.
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Silence is actually necessary.
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It gives people an opportunity to breathe.
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It gives people an opportunity to think about what you just said.
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And it also gives people the opportunity to ask questions back to you.
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People are not going to necessarily remember
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in a conversation but people will always remember how you made them feel pausing is
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so important don't be afraid of it because there's no need to be afraid of silence
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It is a very beautiful way for people to just dissect
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and really allow your ideas and thoughts to seep into their body.
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And that is what makes you memorable.
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Now, we've reached the end of this video.
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This video is a little calmer than usual because it is currently 11 p .m right now,
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but I'm still rallying because I just felt really connected to share this topic.
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I find that a lot of people nowadays are becoming more and more distant.
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and social anxiety is such a common thing now.
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But if you implement these tools and just be brave enough to put yourself out there to have these vulnerable conversations, you'll be able to experience less loneliness
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and just feel more empowered to make brand new friendships that match your level of depth.
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And if you don't think you have depth, think again.
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The fact that you even clicked into this video
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because you wanted to have more meaningful conversations shows that you already have that depth within you.
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So don't be intimidated by it, but instead lean into it because there are so many people
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that are so ready and so excited to have deeper conversations with you.
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If you want to implement everything I've taught in this video, then check out my worksheets down below.
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And if you are on the journey of becoming the woman of your dreams and building a life that you love, check out my channel because I make a ton of videos about self -worth,
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relationships, love, money, career, literally all things high value women energy.
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check out this video over here.
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This video is all about how to become more articulate.
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Whether you're in a job interview, on a date, at a networking event, being articulate will take you so far in life.
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I love and appreciate you so much.
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Thank you so much for tuning in all the way to the end.
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It's good night for me, but I hope to see you in the next video.
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Bye!
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “5 conversation habits that make strangers trust you fast”. This video has 193 sentences and 2560 words to shadow. The speech runs for 15:38. The speaker talks at a natural 164 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| appreciation noun | /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/ | The act of appreciating. |
| empathetic adjective | /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/ | Showing empathy for others, recognizing their feelings. |
| worksheet noun | A sheet of paper or computerized document on which problems are worked out or solved and the answers are recorded. | |
| onion noun | /ˈʌn.jən/ | A monocotyledonous plant (Allium cepa), allied to garlic, used as vegetable and spice. |
| compliment noun | /ˈkɑmpləmənt/ | An expression of praise, congratulation, or respect. |
| pause noun | /pɔːz/ | A temporary stop or rest; an intermission of action; interruption; suspension; cessation. |
| meaningful adjective | /ˈmiː.nɪŋ.fl̩/ | Having meaning, significant. |
| conversationalist noun | /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/ | A person who participates in a conversation. |
| vulnerability noun | /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/ | The state of being vulnerable; susceptibility to attack or injury, either physical or emotional; the state or condition of being weak or poorly defended. |
| empathize verb | /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/ | to feel empathy for another person |
| instill verb | /ɪnˈstɪl/ | To cause a quality to become part of someone's nature. |
| likable adjective | /ˈlaɪkəbl̩/ | Of a person, having qualities tending to result in being liked; friendly, personable. |
| verbatim adverb | /vəɹˈbeɪ.tɪm/ | Word for word; in exactly the same words as were used originally. |
| articulate verb | /ɑːɹˈtɪk.jə.leɪt/ | To make clear or effective. |
| isolate verb | /ˈaɪ.sə.leɪt/ | To set apart or cut off from others. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| check out verb | To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.). |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
| carried away adjective | Made excessively emotional or excited, so that one goes too far. |
| come across verb | To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition. |
| grow up verb | To mature and become an adult. |
| light up verb | To illuminate, to bring light to something, to brighten. |
| live out verb | To not reside on the premises of one's employer (used especially of domestic staff such as nannies, cooks, maids, etc.) |
| look forward to verb | To anticipate, expect, or wait for, especially with a feeling of approval or pleasure; to be excited or eager to. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- I didn't have a lot of friends.
- No, you don't actually mean that.
- It's so nice to finally get to meet you.
- I've been looking forward to this all week.
- I mean, who doesn't love that?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've heard · you've known · I've also experienced |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | is stimulated · were already invested · is bolded |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who is · tool which is · someone who really |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 59 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: appreciation /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, inclination /ˌɪn.klɪˈneɪ.ʃən/, initiation /ɪˌnɪʃ.iˈeɪ.ʃən/, indication /ɪndɪˈkeɪʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: appreciation /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, vulnerability /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/, articulate /ɑːɹˈtɪk.jə.leɪt/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like appreciation, empathetic, worksheet.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.