Shadowing Practice: How to Deepen Your Friendships - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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We are inclined to think
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that the secret of great friendship is all about finding someone with whom we mysteriously and wonderfully just click,
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without having to do very much about it.
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But this is arguably an unhelpful stance, because it implies that there is nothing that any of us can do to become better friends.
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Friendship is made to look like a mere happy accident.
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At the School of Life, we think differently.
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We believe that good friendships follow certain principles which can be identified, discussed and taught.
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We firmly believe that we can learn to become better friends and are not any of us born knowing how to be.
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Here then are some of the principles of being a good friend.
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Firstly, asking the right questions.
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We need to learn the art of teasing out of people the bits of themselves that are sincere, vulnerable and true.
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Society tends to encourage us to stay on the surface.
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True friends know how to go deep.
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In order to do so, they ask questions like, How did it feel when X or Y loss occurred?
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They show empathy.
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They say, You must have felt quite sad when...
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They use self -disclosure to encourage others to throw off their masks.
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They might say, I found myself very scared when… Secondly, sincerity.
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Allow space for sadness, regret and melancholy.
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Don't come in with aggressively cheerful, leading questions like, is everything okay then?
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Keep enquiries open.
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Allow room for intimate disclosures.
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Thirdly, silence.
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Don't always speak or interrupt corrupt, allow the other person to unfurl their concerns.
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Fourthly, going deep in you allows them to go deep in themselves.
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People can only go as far with others as they have gone inside themselves.
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A key part of the art of friendship is therefore to know yourself as well as possible, and then to use the data about who you are are,
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as a guide to who others are liable to be.
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We all know that around some people we feel we're boring and have nothing to say.
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This is solely a reflection of how many rooms such people have opened up in their own minds.
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The more they've explored, the more interesting their interlocutors will feel in themselves.
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5. Don't Jabber It can be tempting to talk too much on pet themes.
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Ask yourself with courage, what could another person possibly do with what I propose to tell them? Be ruthless.
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Do they really need to know this?
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Can there be a space in someone else's minds for this, or not so much?
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Sixthly, allow room for weirdness.
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We are all stranger than we're meant to be.
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Know this of yourself and of others, and therefore clear conversational space,
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which will allow space for the odour yet still utterly normal parts of them to assume shape.
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Remember the essential dictum, no one is normal.
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Seventhly, know that everyone is anxious and scared.
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However confident others seem, they are always likely to be inside, close to despair, panic or regret.
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Don't wait for them to tell you this, assume it's true and then just respond accordingly,
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with pre -emptive signs of sympathy and tenderness.
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8. Love in a cold universe We are probably the only things in the universe.
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Out there, it's mostly just gas, rock and silence.
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So, concentrate inside our bonds on conviviality and good humour.
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It's a very strange and tricky business being human, think of how odd it is to have nostrils or elbows.
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So use the alienation and fear of out there to inspire warmth and compassion for ourselves in here.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Deepen Your Friendships”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: allow, friendship, themselves, space, deep. This video has 49 sentences and 600 words to shadow. The speech runs for 4:18. The speaker talks at a steady 139 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 83% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| disclosure noun | /dɪsˈkləʊʒə(ɹ)/ | The act of revealing something. |
| scare verb | /skɛɚ/ | To frighten, terrify, startle, especially in a minor way. |
| alienation noun | /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/ | The act of alienating. |
| conversational adjective | /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/ | Easy in conversation, chatty. |
| conviviality noun | /kənvɪviˈælɪti/ | The state of being convivial; a feeling of comfort and happiness, as from celebrating casually with friends. |
| dictum noun | /ˈdɪk.təm/ | An authoritative statement; a dogmatic saying; a maxim, an apothegm. |
| fourthly adverb | /ˈfɔːɹθ.li/ | In the fourth place; fourth in a row. |
| interlocutor noun | /ˌɪn.təɹˈlɑk.jə.təɹ/ | A person who takes part in dialogue or conversation: a locutive partner. |
| melancholy noun | /ˈmɛl.ənˌkɑ.li/ | Great sadness or depression, especially of a thoughtful or introspective nature. |
| mysteriously adverb | In a mysterious manner. | |
| nostril noun | /ˈnɒs.tɹɪl/ | Either of the two orifices located on the nose (or on the beak of a bird); used as a passage for air and other gases to travel the nasal passages. |
| seventhly adverb | In the seventh place; seventh in a row. | |
| sincerity noun | /sɪnˈsɛɹəti/ | The quality or state of being sincere. |
| sixthly adverb | In the sixth place; sixth in a row. | |
| tenderness noun | /ˈtɛn.dɚ.nɪs/ | Quality, state or condition of being tender. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| throw off verb | To confuse; especially, to lose a pursuer. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have gone · have opened · they've explored |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | are inclined · is made · can be identified |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 7 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, we're, they've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: fourthly /ˈfɔːɹθ.li/, thirdly /ˈθɚdli/, ruthless /ˈɹuːθləs/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, warmth /wɔɹmθ/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: disclosure /dɪsˈkləʊʒə(ɹ)/, alienation /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/
- Long words — get the stress right: alienation /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, conviviality /kənvɪviˈælɪti/, interlocutor /ˌɪn.təɹˈlɑk.jə.təɹ/, melancholy /ˈmɛl.ənˌkɑ.li/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like disclosure, scare, alienation.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.