Shadowing Practice: Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell? - Learn English Speaking with Video
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49 sentences
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On the face of it, not liking someone during the dating game is everyone's great prerogative.
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Who could possibly question our tastes if we complained on leaving a restaurant
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or museum that we found them just too loud or too stupid, too weak or too supernaturally inclined?
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If we said we didn't like their chin or that there was something a bit weird around their hips?
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It's surely for each one of us to decide according to the movements of our hearts
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and on that basis to gain appropriate sympathy for repeatedly not finding someone worthy of our time and our desire.
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However, after we've cycled through a certain number of candidates, after we've returned home from our 20th or 87th fruitless date,
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after we've yet again discovered, age 42 or 59, that the person across the table from us wasn't quite right,
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we may be encouraged to ask ourselves a few pointed questions.
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in order to judge whether the problem might truly lie with them
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or whether it might not perhaps have something to do with us.
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Though innumerable people will clearly be objectively flawed in a variety of ways, there are cases where the wrongness we detect may primarily speak
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of a psychological dynamic in us – a bias towards rejecting people not because they are unsuitable per se,
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but because, just out of reach of our day-to-day consciousness, proximity to anyone, however accomplished and viable they might be,
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is associated with danger and intrusion.
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Although we may say in extremely moving tones that we're really interested in finding love,
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it may be that the prospect of actually finding it is not in fact at all simple, that it may reignite a fear,
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probably related to disappointments or perverse loyalties formed in childhood, of what could happen if it really came along.
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Way back, our attachment to our earliest caregivers may have taught us that loving people is not, in fact, either safe or advisable.
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We may have learnt, in the vagaries of our family lives, that trusting people was likely to be followed by disappointment.
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That those who know us from up close are prone to betray us catastrophically.
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That making ourselves vulnerable will invite abuse.
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We may not be aware, as we play the dating game, that we're carrying such complex emotional legacies.
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we may sincerely believe that we crave love above all else and would embrace it open-heartedly if it ever came along.
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And yet a part of us may still somewhere in the background be working overtime to ensure
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that every single new candidate that the apps
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or our friends have put forward is ruthlessly examined and rejected before they ever come close to threatening our isolation.
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We may publicly be committed to a relationship while privately wedded to the only state we associate with safety – solitude.
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How then might we judge the difference?
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How to know whether we are rejecting people out of a pathological wish to stay alone, born out of childhood wounds,
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or else rejecting them because they suffer from a maddening conversational habit or have a weird chin?
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There is one acute question we might raise with ourselves to tell the difference.
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If this prospective partner were a bit less keen, a bit less attentive, a bit less enthusiastic about seeing us again,
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might we like them more?
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Might distance improve their prospects in our eyes?
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If the question makes little sense, if we can't remotely imagine why any of this would make a difference, if there's nothing at all about them not messaging us for days
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that would alter the unbudgeable problem with their chin or their laugh, then the problem may on balance properly lie with them.
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If, however, we recognise, pretty much as soon as the question is asked,
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that yes, strangely somehow it does appear that we would like them rather more if they texted less often, that we would make more of an effort if they were busier,
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that we'd even start to desire and long for them if we didn't pass muster in their eyes, then what we may be dealing with is not another flawed candidate,
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so much as the activation of a temperamental attachment mechanism formed by our experiences in untrustworthy,
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claustrophobic or neglectful childhoods.
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It's a major achievement when we've understood enough about our pasts to finally cease to feel revulsion
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or suspicion around those who threaten us with love.
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When we can take kindness at face value, when we don't seek to annihilate or punish those who want to be sympathetic towards us,
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it is a seismic moment when we can bear to reflect
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that the real problem may lie not
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so much with them for liking us as with our pasts for not allowing us to tolerate another's curiosity and goodness.
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Thank you.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This C1 speaking lesson is built on the video “Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell?”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: rejecting, chin, childhood, ourselves, candidate. This video has 49 sentences and 804 words to shadow. The speech runs for 5:04. The speaker talks at a natural 159 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 82% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| chin noun | /ˈt͡ʃɪn/ | The bottom of a face, (specifically) the typically jutting jawline below the mouth. |
| flawed adjective | /flɔːd/ | Having a flaw or imperfection. |
| attachment noun | /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/ | The act or process of (physically or figuratively) attaching. |
| threaten verb | /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/ | To make a threat against someone; to use threats. |
| disappointment noun | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/ | The feeling or state of being disappointed: a feeling of sadness or frustration when something is not as good as one hoped or expected, or when something bad… |
| advisable adjective | Worthy of being recommended; desirable. | |
| annihilate verb | /əˈnaɪ.ə.leɪt/ | To reduce to nothing, to destroy, to eradicate. |
| attentive adjective | /əˈtɛntɪv/ | Paying attention; noticing, watching, listening, or attending closely. |
| betray verb | /bɪˈtɹeɪ/ | To deliver into the hands of an enemy by treachery or fraud, in violation of trust; to give up treacherously or faithlessly. |
| caregiver noun | /ˈkɛɹɡɪvɚ/ | A carer; a person who looks after another person. |
| catastrophically adverb | In a catastrophic manner, or to a catastrophic extent; disastrously. | |
| claustrophobic adjective | Suffering from claustrophobia; being scared of being enclosed in a confined space. | |
| conversational adjective | /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/ | Easy in conversation, chatty. |
| fruitless adjective | /ˈfɹuːtləs/ | Bearing no fruit; barren. |
| heartedly adverb | /ˈhɑːɹ.təd.li/ | In a hearted manner. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| come along verb | To accompany. |
| put forward verb | To propose for consideration. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | may be encouraged · is associated · be followed |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | we've cycled · have put · we've understood |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | those who know · those who threaten · those who want |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 12 contractions and reduced forms, such as we've, didn't, we're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, pathological /ˌpæθ.əˈlɑd͡ʒ.ɪ.kəl/, ruthlessly /ˈɹuːθ.ləs.li/, untrustworthy /ˌʌnˈtɹʌstˌwɜː(ɹ)ði/, sympathetic /ˌsɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, intrusion /ɪnˈtɹuːʒən/, revulsion /ɹɪˈvʌlʃən/, activation /ˌæktəˈveɪʃən/, punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/
- Long words — get the stress right: disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/, annihilate /əˈnaɪ.ə.leɪt/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, innumerable /ɪˈnuːməɹ.əbəl/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like chin, flawed, attachment.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.