Shadowing Practice: Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell? - Learn English Speaking with Video
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On the face of it, not liking someone during the dating game is everyone's great prerogative.
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Who could possibly question our tastes if we complained on leaving a restaurant
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or museum that we found them just too loud or too stupid, too weak or too supernaturally inclined?
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If we said we didn't like their chin or that there was something a bit weird around their hips?
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It's surely for each one of us to decide according to the movements of our hearts
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and on that basis to gain appropriate sympathy for repeatedly not finding someone worthy of our time and our desire.
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However, after we've cycled through a certain number of candidates, after we've returned home from our 20th or 87th fruitless date,
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after we've yet again discovered, age 42 or 59, that the person across the table from us wasn't quite right,
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we may be encouraged to ask ourselves a few pointed questions.
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in order to judge whether the problem might truly lie with them
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or whether it might not perhaps have something to do with us.
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Though innumerable people will clearly be objectively flawed in a variety of ways, there are cases where the wrongness we detect may primarily speak
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of a psychological dynamic in us – a bias towards rejecting people not because they are unsuitable per se,
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but because, just out of reach of our day-to-day consciousness, proximity to anyone, however accomplished and viable they might be,
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is associated with danger and intrusion.
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Although we may say in extremely moving tones that we're really interested in finding love,
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it may be that the prospect of actually finding it is not in fact at all simple, that it may reignite a fear,
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probably related to disappointments or perverse loyalties formed in childhood, of what could happen if it really came along.
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Way back, our attachment to our earliest caregivers may have taught us that loving people is not, in fact, either safe or advisable.
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We may have learnt, in the vagaries of our family lives, that trusting people was likely to be followed by disappointment.
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That those who know us from up close are prone to betray us catastrophically.
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That making ourselves vulnerable will invite abuse.
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We may not be aware, as we play the dating game, that we're carrying such complex emotional legacies.
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we may sincerely believe that we crave love above all else and would embrace it open-heartedly if it ever came along.
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And yet a part of us may still somewhere in the background be working overtime to ensure
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that every single new candidate that the apps
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or our friends have put forward is ruthlessly examined and rejected before they ever come close to threatening our isolation.
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We may publicly be committed to a relationship while privately wedded to the only state we associate with safety – solitude.
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How then might we judge the difference?
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How to know whether we are rejecting people out of a pathological wish to stay alone, born out of childhood wounds,
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or else rejecting them because they suffer from a maddening conversational habit or have a weird chin?
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There is one acute question we might raise with ourselves to tell the difference.
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If this prospective partner were a bit less keen, a bit less attentive, a bit less enthusiastic about seeing us again,
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might we like them more?
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Might distance improve their prospects in our eyes?
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If the question makes little sense, if we can't remotely imagine why any of this would make a difference, if there's nothing at all about them not messaging us for days
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that would alter the unbudgeable problem with their chin or their laugh, then the problem may on balance properly lie with them.
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If, however, we recognise, pretty much as soon as the question is asked,
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that yes, strangely somehow it does appear that we would like them rather more if they texted less often, that we would make more of an effort if they were busier,
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that we'd even start to desire and long for them if we didn't pass muster in their eyes, then what we may be dealing with is not another flawed candidate,
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so much as the activation of a temperamental attachment mechanism formed by our experiences in untrustworthy,
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claustrophobic or neglectful childhoods.
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It's a major achievement when we've understood enough about our pasts to finally cease to feel revulsion
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or suspicion around those who threaten us with love.
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When we can take kindness at face value, when we don't seek to annihilate or punish those who want to be sympathetic towards us,
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it is a seismic moment when we can bear to reflect
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that the real problem may lie not
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so much with them for liking us as with our pasts for not allowing us to tolerate another's curiosity and goodness.
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Thank you.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau C1 is gebaseerd op de video “Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell?”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: rejecting, chin, childhood, ourselves, candidate. Deze video bevat 49 zinnen en 804 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 5:04. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 159 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 82% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| chin zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈt͡ʃɪn/ | kin |
| flawed bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /flɔːd/ | zwak, onjuist |
| attachment zelfstandig naamwoord | /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/ | gehechtheid |
| threaten werkwoord | /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/ | bedreigen, dreigen |
| disappointment zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/ | teleurstelling |
| advisable bijvoeglijk naamwoord | raadzaam | |
| annihilate werkwoord | /əˈnaɪ.ə.leɪt/ | vernietigen |
| attentive bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /əˈtɛntɪv/ | aandachtig, oplettend |
| betray werkwoord | /bɪˈtɹeɪ/ | verraden |
| fruitless bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˈfɹuːtləs/ | onvruchtbaar |
| objectively bijwoord | /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/ | objectief |
| revulsion zelfstandig naamwoord | /ɹɪˈvʌlʃən/ | aversie |
| solitude zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈsɑlɪˌtud/ | eenzaamheid |
| unsuitable bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ʌnˈsuːtəbəl/ | ongeschikt, ongepast |
| untrustworthy bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˌʌnˈtɹʌstˌwɜː(ɹ)ði/ | onbetrouwbaar |
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | may be encouraged · be objectively flawed · is associated |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | we've cycled · have put · we've understood |
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | those who know · those who threaten · those who want |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 12 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals we've, didn't, we're. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De “th”-klanken: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, pathological /ˌpæθ.əˈlɑd͡ʒ.ɪ.kəl/, ruthlessly /ˈɹuːθ.ləs.li/, untrustworthy /ˌʌnˈtɹʌstˌwɜː(ɹ)ði/, sympathetic /ˌsɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, intrusion /ɪnˈtɹuːʒən/, revulsion /ɹɪˈvʌlʃən/, activation /ˌæktəˈveɪʃən/, punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/, annihilate /əˈnaɪ.ə.leɪt/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, innumerable /ɪˈnuːməɹ.əbəl/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: flawed /flɔːd/, attentive /əˈtɛntɪv/, prerogative /pɹəˈɹɑɡ.ə.tɪv/, solitude /ˈsɑlɪˌtud/, wed /ˈwɛd/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: attachment /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/, pathological /ˌpæθ.əˈlɑd͡ʒ.ɪ.kəl/, madden /ˈmædən/, activation /ˌæktəˈveɪʃən/, enthusiastic /ɪnˌθjuːzɪˈæstɪk/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: caregiver /ˈkɛɹɡɪvɚ/, prerogative /pɹəˈɹɑɡ.ə.tɪv/, vagary /vəˈɡɛɚ.i/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als chin, flawed, attachment.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.