Shadowing Practice: Your Two Options in Love After a Bad Childhood - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Let's imagine you had a bad childhood.
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You may hardly remember it.
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It almost doesn't matter.
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The easiest way to assess what once went on is to reflect on how you feel about yourself now.
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The clearest sign of having had a miserable start is a deep self-hatred.
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You think you're ugly.
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You can't bear to look in mirrors.
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You never want to upset anyone and suspect everyone hates you.
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You feel unacceptable and weird and just in multiple non-specific ways.
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Diseased and not right.
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Behind such feelings there will have been the normal villains.
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A critical and unloving mother or father.
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Some violence and unpredictability.
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Huge preference for a sibling.
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There are only so many ways these sorts of wounds form.
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But the real legacy comes in love.
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Here, after the normal awful adolescence, eating disorders, cutting, alienation, drink, etc. you have two options.
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Firstly, to fall in love with cruel, distant, possibly violent, intermittent, unavailable people.
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You can fall in love with people who are married to someone else or who don't call you, who make you feel inadequate and unseen and constantly alarmed and unsure.
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You can love people who think you're unlovable.
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Or else, you can love people who really like you, who think you're attractive and sweet and clever and you can feel powerfully ill around them.
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You can become an expert in identifying what's wrong with them.
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They're not clever enough, they're weird, they've got no options.
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You criticise their taste in shoes, the shape of their mouth, a comment they made at a party.
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You become as critical of them as your parents were once critical of you.
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How could someone who liked you be anything other than a loser?
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You end up pushing them away, maybe not directly, but by going slightly cold or flirting with strangers.
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You know well enough how to detonate trust conclusively.
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This rigmarole can go on for most of your life.
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Unavailable, cruel people and sickeningly available ones.
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And in the in-between times, devastating loneliness.
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It's been going on forever.
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You can be sure this sort of thing went on in Renaissance Florence and Ming Dynasty Beijing.
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Is there any way out?
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There is, perhaps, just a third option.
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To understand what's going on and to share it with someone who is kind
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and perceptive and who might have problems of their own and a good therapist.
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To meet someone who threatens to make us feel sick with their sweetness, then to explain to them what we understand of our problem.
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Rather than pretending that we are healthy and can bear their kindness without difficulty, we may be able to tell them, I want so much to be normal,
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I want so much to tolerate kindness, but I have an illness.
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My past means I can't accept love, I can't digest it, I turn against it and the person giving it to me.
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But I don't want to be like this anymore.
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I'm tired of sabotaging relationships and turning away good people.
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Please help me to bear the anxiety of being cared for.
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Please help me to absorb the love I crave.
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Please forgive me for being unwell.
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If the person doesn't immediately run away, if they can see the decency behind the shame and the tenderness behind the neurosis,
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if they can partly understand our problem from the inside, we will be making momentous progress.
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We won't be healed yet, but at least we'll know how ill we are
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and will have found a way to hint at the scale of our terrors of kindness.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau C1 is gebaseerd op de video “Your Two Options in Love After a Bad Childhood”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: kindness, bear, option, critical, normal. Deze video bevat 50 zinnen en 602 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 3:25. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 176 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. 83% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden; de rest kun je beter vooraf bekijken.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| kindness zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ | vriendelijkheid, aardigheid |
| unavailable bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˌʌnəˈveɪləbəl/ | niet beschikbaar, niet verkrijgbaar |
| alienation zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/ | vervreemden |
| conclusively bijwoord | afdoend, beslissend | |
| intermittent bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ˌɪntɚˈmɪtn̩t/ | wederkerend, intermitterend |
| perceptive bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /pɚˈsɛptɪv/ | opmerkzaam, scherpzinnig |
| powerfully bijwoord | /ˈpaʊɚf(ə)li/ | machtig |
| rigmarole zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈɹɪɡməɹoʊl/ | gezwets |
| sweetness zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈswitnəs/ | zoetheid |
| unpredictability zelfstandig naamwoord | onvoorspelbaarheid | |
| unwell bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ʌnˈwɛl/ | onwel |
| decency zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈdiːsənsi/ | fatsoen |
| unseen bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ʌnˈsiːn/ | ongezien |
| sibling zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈsɪb.lɪŋ/ | brus, sibling |
| sabotage zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/ | sabotage |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| end up werkwoord | belanden, terechtkomen |
| run away werkwoord | vluchten, weglopen |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- Let's imagine you had a bad childhood.
- You can't bear to look in mirrors.
- You can love people who think you're unlovable.
- How could someone who liked you be anything other than a loser?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | people who are · people who think · people who really |
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | being cared · won't be healed |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 16 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals can't, you're, doesn't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De “th”-klanken: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: alienation /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/, sabotage /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: unavailable /ˌʌnəˈveɪləbəl/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, alienation /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/, unacceptable /ˌʌn.ækˈsɛp.tə.bl̩/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: perceptive /pɚˈsɛptɪv/, sabotage /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/, criticize /ˈkɹɪtɪsaɪz/, absorb /æbˈsɔɹb/, hatred /ˈheɪtɹɪd/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, sabotage /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/, absorb /æbˈsɔɹb/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/, unacceptable /ˌʌn.ækˈsɛp.tə.bl̩/
- /w/ — met ronde lippen: sweetness /ˈswitnəs/, unwell /ʌnˈwɛl/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als kindness, unavailable, alienation.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.