Shadowing Practice: Why Hurt People Hurt People - Learn English Speaking with Video
Les maken...
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It's one of the puzzles of relationships that after a hugely promising few months or years,
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one of the members of a couple may start to exhibit notably aggressive and unyielding behaviour.
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Out go their previous tenderness and loveliness, and in come roughness and neglect.
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All they seem to want to do is to go out alone with their friends or flirt with strangers.
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One might wonder if it's the other person in the couple who might somehow be to blame for this.
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Perhaps they've done something wrong, and they're being, in certain ways appropriately, punished for not living up to expectations that they set.
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But the truth may be a great deal more circuitous and complex.
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In certain cases, the partner is in fact being punished, but not for doing anything wrong.
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If we can put it this way, they're being punished precisely for doing things rather right.
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They're being punished for not abandoning their lover, for not being cross, for not being mean, for not looking elsewhere, for not shouting,
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for not bullying and for not humiliating.
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They're being punished for their sweetness, crushed for their gentleness and tormented for their faith.
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Why on earth might kindly behaviours prove problematic?
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Because, in one of the truly oddest -sounding phenomena of love,
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the kindness of the partner may trigger an intense wish in a person to punish their lover for what, many years before in their childhood,
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a parent did wrong to them.
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It's the very sweetness of the partner, their kindness and loyalty, their disinclination to violence and unreason,
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that create the perfect conditions in which a hurt party will experience
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and then redirect a resentment and a rage that were actually owed, but could never be delivered to, a disappointing parent.
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The appalling behaviour winds up as a hugely peculiar and deeply tragic tribute to a unique degree of generosity and care.
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The arena in which this pattern can most clearly be observed is not directly in relationships, but in adoptive families.
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Research repeatedly shows that the nicer a recipient family is,
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the more an adopted child is liable in adolescence to become very difficult indeed.
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They will steal from their adopted family, perhaps scrawl on the walls, scream at them during arguments, parents, tell them that they loathe them,
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and then leave the house for hours slamming the door behind them.
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What in heaven's name have we done to deserve this?
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The adoptive parents may ask themselves in despair.
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And the answer, entirely odd though it may sound, is absolutely nothing.
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Which is exactly why you're being hurt so badly.
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You're being treated horribly for not being horrible.
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You're being made to feel what the abandoned infant once had to go through when no one else cared to listen.
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You're having to hear cries that went unheard.
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You've created the very conditions of safety in which intense pain can finally find a way out.
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A version of the very same dynamic can unfold more surreptitiously in adult love.
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Behind every drama that a person in a couple may cause, every holiday they ruin, every month they chew up,
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is a muffled, incoherent, but essential complaint.
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Where were you when I really needed you?
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How dare you be so kind to me when all I've had is cruelty all my life?
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How can I possibly deal with this loveliness when pain has been my home all along?
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Fuck off and die for trying to save and adore me.
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There is no alternative here but insight great,
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enormous, boundaried compassion, and an awareness that the person who's acting up still wants love very badly,
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they just have no clue how to accept it.
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One day, after much thought and therapy, perhaps long after the relationships ended,
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the destructive party needs to find a way to express the truth to the first person who ever loved them.
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Thank you for being kind enough to elicit my rage and my sadism.
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Apologies, deep apologies, for trying to destroy you for your unremitting love.
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I never wanted to harm you.
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I just had no idea what to do with the pain inside me.
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In the skies up above, angels will be weeping.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles op niveau C1 is gebaseerd op de video “Why Hurt People Hurt People”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: punished, parent, behaviour, relationships, partner. Deze video bevat 50 zinnen en 701 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 4:46. De spreker praat in een gelijkmatig tempo van ongeveer 147 woorden per minuut, prettig om te shadowen. Slechts 80% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is pittig.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
De 15 moeilijkste woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| punish werkwoord | /ˈpʌnɪʃ/ | straffen, afstraffen |
| sweetness zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈswitnəs/ | zoetheid |
| kindness zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ | vriendelijkheid, aardigheid |
| abandon werkwoord | /əˈbæn.dən/ | opgeven, prijsgeven |
| apology zelfstandig naamwoord | /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/ | verontschuldiging |
| appalling bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /əˈpɔːlɪŋ/ | ontzettend |
| circuitous bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /sɚˈkjuːətəs/ | omslachtig |
| elicit werkwoord | /ɪˈlɪsɪt/ | ontlokken, oproepen |
| gentleness zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈd͡ʒɛntl̩nəs/ | minzaamheid |
| humiliate werkwoord | /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/ | vernederen, verootmoedigen |
| loathe werkwoord | /ˈloʊð/ | verafschuwen |
| muffle werkwoord | /mʌfl̩/ | dempen |
| redirect werkwoord | bijsturen, verwijzen | |
| roughness zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈɹʌf.nəs/ | ruwheid |
| sadism zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈseɪdɪzəm/ | sadisme |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| go out werkwoord | naar buiten gaan |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- What in heaven's name have we done to deserve this?
- Which is exactly why you're being hurt so badly.
- You're being treated horribly for not being horrible.
- You're having to hear cries that went unheard.
- Where were you when I really needed you?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | being punished · be delivered · be observed |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | they've done · You've created · I've had |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 11 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals they're, you're, I've. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, disinclination /ˌdɪsɪŋklɪˈneɪʃən/, surreptitiously /sʌɹəpˈtɪʃəsli/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: apology /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, circuitous /sɚˈkjuːətəs/, disinclination /ˌdɪsɪŋklɪˈneɪʃən/, humiliate /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: adoptive /əˈdɒptɪv/, unfold /ʌnˈfoʊld/, unheard /ʌnˈhɜː(ɹ)d/, destructive /dɪˈstɹʌktɪv/, observe /əbˈzɜːv/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: abandon /əˈbæn.dən/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, problematic /ˌpɹɑ.bləˈmæt.ɪk/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, slam /ˈslæm/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Spreek zin voor zin na op normale snelheid en herhaal elke zin tot je ritme gelijk is aan dat van de spreker.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als punish, sweetness, kindness.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.