Shadowing Practice: Why Hurt People Hurt People - Learn English Speaking with Video
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It's one of the puzzles of relationships that after a hugely promising few months or years,
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one of the members of a couple may start to exhibit notably aggressive and unyielding behaviour.
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Out go their previous tenderness and loveliness, and in come roughness and neglect.
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All they seem to want to do is to go out alone with their friends or flirt with strangers.
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One might wonder if it's the other person in the couple who might somehow be to blame for this.
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Perhaps they've done something wrong, and they're being, in certain ways appropriately, punished for not living up to expectations that they set.
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But the truth may be a great deal more circuitous and complex.
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In certain cases, the partner is in fact being punished, but not for doing anything wrong.
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If we can put it this way, they're being punished precisely for doing things rather right.
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They're being punished for not abandoning their lover, for not being cross, for not being mean, for not looking elsewhere, for not shouting,
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for not bullying and for not humiliating.
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They're being punished for their sweetness, crushed for their gentleness and tormented for their faith.
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Why on earth might kindly behaviours prove problematic?
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Because, in one of the truly oddest -sounding phenomena of love,
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the kindness of the partner may trigger an intense wish in a person to punish their lover for what, many years before in their childhood,
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a parent did wrong to them.
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It's the very sweetness of the partner, their kindness and loyalty, their disinclination to violence and unreason,
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that create the perfect conditions in which a hurt party will experience
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and then redirect a resentment and a rage that were actually owed, but could never be delivered to, a disappointing parent.
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The appalling behaviour winds up as a hugely peculiar and deeply tragic tribute to a unique degree of generosity and care.
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The arena in which this pattern can most clearly be observed is not directly in relationships, but in adoptive families.
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Research repeatedly shows that the nicer a recipient family is,
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the more an adopted child is liable in adolescence to become very difficult indeed.
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They will steal from their adopted family, perhaps scrawl on the walls, scream at them during arguments, parents, tell them that they loathe them,
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and then leave the house for hours slamming the door behind them.
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What in heaven's name have we done to deserve this?
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The adoptive parents may ask themselves in despair.
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And the answer, entirely odd though it may sound, is absolutely nothing.
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Which is exactly why you're being hurt so badly.
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You're being treated horribly for not being horrible.
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You're being made to feel what the abandoned infant once had to go through when no one else cared to listen.
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You're having to hear cries that went unheard.
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You've created the very conditions of safety in which intense pain can finally find a way out.
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A version of the very same dynamic can unfold more surreptitiously in adult love.
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Behind every drama that a person in a couple may cause, every holiday they ruin, every month they chew up,
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is a muffled, incoherent, but essential complaint.
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Where were you when I really needed you?
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How dare you be so kind to me when all I've had is cruelty all my life?
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How can I possibly deal with this loveliness when pain has been my home all along?
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Fuck off and die for trying to save and adore me.
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There is no alternative here but insight great,
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enormous, boundaried compassion, and an awareness that the person who's acting up still wants love very badly,
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they just have no clue how to accept it.
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One day, after much thought and therapy, perhaps long after the relationships ended,
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the destructive party needs to find a way to express the truth to the first person who ever loved them.
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Thank you for being kind enough to elicit my rage and my sadism.
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Apologies, deep apologies, for trying to destroy you for your unremitting love.
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I never wanted to harm you.
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I just had no idea what to do with the pain inside me.
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In the skies up above, angels will be weeping.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu C1 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “Why Hurt People Hurt People” videosuna dayanıyor. En çok tekrarlanan kelimeler: punished, parent, behaviour, relationships, partner. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 50 cümle ve 701 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 4:46 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 147 kelimelik dengeli bir hızla konuşuyor; gölgeleme için rahat bir tempo. Kelimelerin yalnızca %80’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığı zorlayıcı.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| punish fiil | /ˈpʌnɪʃ/ | cezalandırmak, ceza vermek |
| sweetness isim | /ˈswitnəs/ | tatlılık |
| kindness isim | /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ | incelik, kibarlık |
| abandon fiil | /əˈbæn.dən/ | bırakmak |
| apology isim | /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/ | itizar, özür |
| adolescence isim | /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/ | ergenlik, ilk gençlik |
| appalling sıfat | /əˈpɔːlɪŋ/ | korkunç, müthiş |
| elicit fiil | /ɪˈlɪsɪt/ | (bilgi) edinmek, (bilgi) temin etmek |
| horribly zarf | /ˈhɔɹəbli/ | berbatça |
| humiliate fiil | /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/ | aşağılamak, utandırmak |
| loathe fiil | /ˈloʊð/ | iğrenmek |
| sadism isim | /ˈseɪdɪzəm/ | sadizm, sadistlik |
| surreptitiously zarf | /sʌɹəpˈtɪʃəsli/ | gizli, gizlice |
| torment isim | /ˈtɔː(ɹ)mɛnt/ | şiddetli acı, azap |
| resentment isim | /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/ | dargınlık, burukluk |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| go out fiil | çıkmak |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- What in heaven's name have we done to deserve this?
- Which is exactly why you're being hurt so badly.
- You're being treated horribly for not being horrible.
- You're having to hear cries that went unheard.
- Where were you when I really needed you?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | being punished · be delivered · be observed |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | they've done · You've created · has been |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı they're, you're, I've gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 11 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, disinclination /ˌdɪsɪŋklɪˈneɪʃən/, surreptitiously /sʌɹəpˈtɪʃəsli/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: apology /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, circuitous /sɚˈkjuːətəs/, disinclination /ˌdɪsɪŋklɪˈneɪʃən/, humiliate /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: sweetness /ˈswitnəs/, hugely /ˈhjuːd͡ʒli/, humiliate /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/, scrawl /skɹɔːl/, flirt /flɚt/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: abandon /əˈbæn.dən/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, problematic /ˌpɹɑ.bləˈmæt.ɪk/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, slam /ˈslæm/
- /ŋ/ — sondaki /g/ okunmaz: appalling /əˈpɔːlɪŋ/, unremitting /ˌʌnɹɪˈmɪtɪŋ/, bullying /ˈbʊ.li.ɪŋ/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- Normal hızda cümle cümle tekrar edin; ritminiz konuşmacıyla aynı olana kadar her cümleyi yineleyin.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; punish, sweetness, kindness gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.