Shadowing Practice: The Childish Behavior That Ruins Adult Relationships - Learn English Speaking with Video
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1
Behind so many of the troubles of our love lives lies a mystery.
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Why do they behave as they do?
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Why won't they signal their intentions clearly?
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Why they so theatrical, so focused on their friends, so unable to relax?
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It isn't that we lack explanations for these sort of problems, especially after 11 at night.
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It's very clear what they're up to.
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They're not trying, they're mean, they're stupid, they're out to ruin our lives.
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But the next morning, there might be another angle.
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They're behaving as they are, because they're still behaving like the very clever children they once were.
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All children are exquisitely sensitive to what their families need from them.
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From the earliest days, a part of the mind scans the environment, the pink nursery or the scuffed bare room and asks,
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what will I need to do to survive here?
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In some lucky cases, the answer is nothing at all.
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Mum and dad contain their crises.
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The grown -ups are grown -up.
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But often, something has gone wrong.
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A sadness keeps mother in bed with the curtains drawn.
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Last week, father destroyed the living room.
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There's a sibling next door with tubes coming out of his tummy.
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There's an older sister who died before we were born and the sadness has never stopped.
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We couldn't have explained any of this at five, any more than we could explain how we digested lunch.
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Most of what goes on in the mind happens on another floor.
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And yet, part of us grasped,
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with awe -inspiring precision, what our caregivers needed and worked out exactly what we had to be to make it through.
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Small people can't pack their bags and find a flat across town.
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We're only here because we once adapted.
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The strategies varied.
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We had to be cheerful.
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The little man who made mummy laugh till she cried.
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We had to take dad's mind off his unhappy marriage.
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We had to retire early from success.
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We had to be innocent.
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We had to be seductive.
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We had to cope alone.
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We had to impress.
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We had to disappear.
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There was near genius in all these strategies.
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It isn't easy when you're the size of a chair to work out
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that what your father needs is that you never threaten to exceed him.
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The problem isn't that our strategies aren't clever.
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It's that they go on far too long.
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They outlive their uses by decades, deployed long after the home that required them has been disbanded,
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its rulers laid to rest and its borders redrawn.
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Why, at 35, can someone not relax around the person they married and built a life with?
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Why do they flinch when touched?
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Perhaps because keeping yourself at bay was a good strategy
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when your father made his first attempt on his life
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when you were seven and succeeded on the eve of your 16th birthday.
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What's the logic of never eating enough?
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Perhaps because closing your mouth was a sensible strategy
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when two engulfing parents in the next room couldn't stop needing you to boy up their mood.
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The behaviour we crossly call mad in our partners is seldom that.
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It's usually a clever defence that's run far too long.
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Brilliant in the second year of primary school and poisoning every chance of us reaching a 10th wedding anniversary.
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When we're next furious with our partner, there's no greater generosity than to wonder what did they need to do to survive?
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They're not being mean.
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They've got a strategy and they've forgotten what the time is and who we are.
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The error is unfortunately unlikely only to be on their side.
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We probably irritate them just as much with our own old strategies.
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Both people in a couple may be trying to stay safe in the present with the weapons of yesteryear.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 60 cümle ve 640 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 3:45 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 171 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %83’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| clever sıfat | /ˈklɛv.ɚ/ | becerikli |
| behave fiil | /bɪˈheɪv/ | davranmak |
| sadness isim | /ˈsædnəs/ | üzgünlük, üzüntü |
| sensitive sıfat | /ˈsɛn.sɪt.ɪv/ | alıngan, darılgan |
| innocent sıfat | /ˈɪnəsənt/ | suçsuz, masum |
| mystery isim | /ˈmɪs.t(ə.)ɹi/ | gizem, esrâr |
| explanation isim | /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/ | açıklama |
| angle isim | /ˈæŋ.ɡəl/ | açı |
| tube isim | /tuːb/ | tüp |
| genius isim | /ˈd͡ʒin.jəs/ | dâhi |
| ruin isim | /ˈɹuː.ɪn/ | kalıntı, harabe |
| disappear fiil | /dɪsəˈpɪɹ/ | gözden kaybolmak, yok olmak |
| poison isim | /ˈpɔɪ.zən/ | zehir, ağı |
| unhappy sıfat | /ʌnˈhæpi/ | mutsuz, üzgün |
| inspire fiil | /ɪnˈspaɪə(ɹ)/ | esinlemek, ilham vermek |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| grow up fiil | büyümek, yetişmek |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı they're, isn't, couldn't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 21 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “th” sesleri: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, theatrical /θiˈætɹɪkəl/
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, precision /pɹɪˈsɪʒ.ən/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, theatrical /θiˈætɹɪkəl/, generosity /ˌd͡ʒɛn.əˈɹɑ.sə.ti/, yesteryear /ˈjɛstəɹˌjɪ(ə)ɹ/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; clever, behave, sadness gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | has gone · has never stopped · has been disbanded |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | are grown · were born · has been disbanded |
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.