Shadowing Practice: Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell? - Learn English Speaking with Video
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1
On the face of it, not liking someone during the dating game is everyone's great prerogative.
2
Who could possibly question our tastes if we complained on leaving a restaurant
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or museum that we found them just too loud or too stupid, too weak or too supernaturally inclined?
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If we said we didn't like their chin or that there was something a bit weird around their hips?
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It's surely for each one of us to decide according to the movements of our hearts
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and on that basis to gain appropriate sympathy for repeatedly not finding someone worthy of our time and our desire.
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However, after we've cycled through a certain number of candidates, after we've returned home from our 20th or 87th fruitless date,
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after we've yet again discovered, age 42 or 59, that the person across the table from us wasn't quite right,
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we may be encouraged to ask ourselves a few pointed questions.
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in order to judge whether the problem might truly lie with them
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or whether it might not perhaps have something to do with us.
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Though innumerable people will clearly be objectively flawed in a variety of ways, there are cases where the wrongness we detect may primarily speak
13
of a psychological dynamic in us – a bias towards rejecting people not because they are unsuitable per se,
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but because, just out of reach of our day-to-day consciousness, proximity to anyone, however accomplished and viable they might be,
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is associated with danger and intrusion.
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Although we may say in extremely moving tones that we're really interested in finding love,
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it may be that the prospect of actually finding it is not in fact at all simple, that it may reignite a fear,
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probably related to disappointments or perverse loyalties formed in childhood, of what could happen if it really came along.
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Way back, our attachment to our earliest caregivers may have taught us that loving people is not, in fact, either safe or advisable.
20
We may have learnt, in the vagaries of our family lives, that trusting people was likely to be followed by disappointment.
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That those who know us from up close are prone to betray us catastrophically.
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That making ourselves vulnerable will invite abuse.
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We may not be aware, as we play the dating game, that we're carrying such complex emotional legacies.
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we may sincerely believe that we crave love above all else and would embrace it open-heartedly if it ever came along.
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And yet a part of us may still somewhere in the background be working overtime to ensure
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that every single new candidate that the apps
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or our friends have put forward is ruthlessly examined and rejected before they ever come close to threatening our isolation.
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We may publicly be committed to a relationship while privately wedded to the only state we associate with safety – solitude.
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How then might we judge the difference?
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How to know whether we are rejecting people out of a pathological wish to stay alone, born out of childhood wounds,
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or else rejecting them because they suffer from a maddening conversational habit or have a weird chin?
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There is one acute question we might raise with ourselves to tell the difference.
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If this prospective partner were a bit less keen, a bit less attentive, a bit less enthusiastic about seeing us again,
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might we like them more?
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Might distance improve their prospects in our eyes?
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If the question makes little sense, if we can't remotely imagine why any of this would make a difference, if there's nothing at all about them not messaging us for days
37
that would alter the unbudgeable problem with their chin or their laugh, then the problem may on balance properly lie with them.
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If, however, we recognise, pretty much as soon as the question is asked,
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that yes, strangely somehow it does appear that we would like them rather more if they texted less often, that we would make more of an effort if they were busier,
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that we'd even start to desire and long for them if we didn't pass muster in their eyes, then what we may be dealing with is not another flawed candidate,
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so much as the activation of a temperamental attachment mechanism formed by our experiences in untrustworthy,
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claustrophobic or neglectful childhoods.
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It's a major achievement when we've understood enough about our pasts to finally cease to feel revulsion
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or suspicion around those who threaten us with love.
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When we can take kindness at face value, when we don't seek to annihilate or punish those who want to be sympathetic towards us,
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it is a seismic moment when we can bear to reflect
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that the real problem may lie not
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so much with them for liking us as with our pasts for not allowing us to tolerate another's curiosity and goodness.
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Thank you.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu C1 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “Are We Rejecting Them Because They’re Wrong—or Because We’re Unwell?” videosuna dayanıyor. En çok tekrarlanan kelimeler: rejecting, chin, childhood, ourselves, candidate. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 49 cümle ve 804 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 5:04 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 159 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %82’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| chin isim | /ˈt͡ʃɪn/ | çene |
| flawed sıfat | /flɔːd/ | kusurlu |
| attachment isim | /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/ | bağlılık |
| threaten fiil | /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/ | gözünü korkutmak, tehdit etmek |
| disappointment isim | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/ | hayal kırıklığı |
| annihilate fiil | /əˈnaɪ.ə.leɪt/ | mahvetmek, yok etmek |
| betray fiil | /bɪˈtɹeɪ/ | ihanet etmek |
| claustrophobic sıfat | klauztrofobik, klauztrofobiya | |
| perverse sıfat | /pɚˈvɝs/ | sapık |
| solitude isim | /ˈsɑlɪˌtud/ | yalnızlık |
| wrongness isim | /ˈɹɒŋ.nəs/ | yanlışlık |
| seismic sıfat | /ˈsaɪzmɪk/ | sismik |
| altar isim | /ˈɔl.tɚ/ | sunak, mihrap |
| sympathetic sıfat | /ˌsɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/ | simpatik, sevimli |
| activation isim | /ˌæktəˈveɪʃən/ | aktivasyon |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| put forward fiil | öne sürmek |
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | may be encouraged · be objectively flawed · is associated |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | we've cycled · have put · we've understood |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | those who know · those who threaten · those who want |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı we've, didn't, we're gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 12 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “th” sesleri: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, pathological /ˌpæθ.əˈlɑd͡ʒ.ɪ.kəl/, ruthlessly /ˈɹuːθ.ləs.li/, untrustworthy /ˌʌnˈtɹʌstˌwɜː(ɹ)ði/, sympathetic /ˌsɪm.pəˈθɛt.ɪk/
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, intrusion /ɪnˈtɹuːʒən/, revulsion /ɹɪˈvʌlʃən/, activation /ˌæktəˈveɪʃən/, punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/, annihilate /əˈnaɪ.ə.leɪt/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, innumerable /ɪˈnuːməɹ.əbəl/, objectively /əbˈd͡ʒɛktɪvli/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: untrustworthy /ˌʌnˈtɹʌstˌwɜː(ɹ)ði/, wed /ˈwɛd/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: flawed /flɔːd/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, fruitless /ˈfɹuːtləs/, prerogative /pɹəˈɹɑɡ.ə.tɪv/, strangely /ˈstɹeɪnd͡ʒli/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: attachment /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/, pathological /ˌpæθ.əˈlɑd͡ʒ.ɪ.kəl/, madden /ˈmædən/, activation /ˌæktəˈveɪʃən/, enthusiastic /ɪnˌθjuːzɪˈæstɪk/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; chin, flawed, attachment gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.