Shadowing Practice: Your Two Options in Love After a Bad Childhood - Learn English Speaking with Video
Choose a practice mode
Each mode opens a full-screen practice room.
50 sentences
If sentences are too short or too long, click Edit to adjust them.
1
Let's imagine you had a bad childhood.
2
You may hardly remember it.
3
It almost doesn't matter.
4
The easiest way to assess what once went on is to reflect on how you feel about yourself now.
5
The clearest sign of having had a miserable start is a deep self-hatred.
6
You think you're ugly.
7
You can't bear to look in mirrors.
8
You never want to upset anyone and suspect everyone hates you.
9
You feel unacceptable and weird and just in multiple non-specific ways.
10
Diseased and not right.
11
Behind such feelings there will have been the normal villains.
12
A critical and unloving mother or father.
13
Some violence and unpredictability.
14
Huge preference for a sibling.
15
There are only so many ways these sorts of wounds form.
16
But the real legacy comes in love.
17
Here, after the normal awful adolescence, eating disorders, cutting, alienation, drink, etc. you have two options.
18
Firstly, to fall in love with cruel, distant, possibly violent, intermittent, unavailable people.
19
You can fall in love with people who are married to someone else or who don't call you, who make you feel inadequate and unseen and constantly alarmed and unsure.
20
You can love people who think you're unlovable.
21
Or else, you can love people who really like you, who think you're attractive and sweet and clever and you can feel powerfully ill around them.
22
You can become an expert in identifying what's wrong with them.
23
They're not clever enough, they're weird, they've got no options.
24
You criticise their taste in shoes, the shape of their mouth, a comment they made at a party.
25
You become as critical of them as your parents were once critical of you.
26
How could someone who liked you be anything other than a loser?
27
You end up pushing them away, maybe not directly, but by going slightly cold or flirting with strangers.
28
You know well enough how to detonate trust conclusively.
29
This rigmarole can go on for most of your life.
30
Unavailable, cruel people and sickeningly available ones.
31
And in the in-between times, devastating loneliness.
32
It's been going on forever.
33
You can be sure this sort of thing went on in Renaissance Florence and Ming Dynasty Beijing.
34
Is there any way out?
35
There is, perhaps, just a third option.
36
To understand what's going on and to share it with someone who is kind
37
and perceptive and who might have problems of their own and a good therapist.
38
To meet someone who threatens to make us feel sick with their sweetness, then to explain to them what we understand of our problem.
39
Rather than pretending that we are healthy and can bear their kindness without difficulty, we may be able to tell them, I want so much to be normal,
40
I want so much to tolerate kindness, but I have an illness.
41
My past means I can't accept love, I can't digest it, I turn against it and the person giving it to me.
42
But I don't want to be like this anymore.
43
I'm tired of sabotaging relationships and turning away good people.
44
Please help me to bear the anxiety of being cared for.
45
Please help me to absorb the love I crave.
46
Please forgive me for being unwell.
47
If the person doesn't immediately run away, if they can see the decency behind the shame and the tenderness behind the neurosis,
48
if they can partly understand our problem from the inside, we will be making momentous progress.
49
We won't be healed yet, but at least we'll know how ill we are
50
and will have found a way to hint at the scale of our terrors of kindness.
Download App
Everything you need to speak fluently
AI PronunciationScore every sentence
IPA PracticeMaster every sound
VocabularyBuild your word bank
Vocab GameLearn while playing
📺 Same Channel
C127
Why Unloved People Hate Themselves #shorts #selfcare
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C117
The Secret to a Calm Life
British AccentDaily ConversationWorking Adults
C111
Why Socrates Hated Democracy
British AccentIELTS PrepTOEFL PrepUniversity Students
B251
What is The School of Life?
British AccentDaily ConversationWorking Adults
C16
How To Simplify Your Life
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C2489
The Purpose and Benefit of Emotional Education
British AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C113
When Love Isn't Easy
British AccentDaily ConversationWorking Adults
C113
What Years of Heartbreak Actually Teach Us
British AccentDaily ConversationWorking Adults
C1617
The Point of Travel
British AccentTravel EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C16
Why Heartbroken People Make the Best Lovers
British AccentDaily ConversationWorking Adults
C151
Don't Despair
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B26
Who Dreams of the Greatest Love? (it's not who you expect)
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2How to Find Out What's Really on Your Mind
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C110
Those Who Are Terrified of Love
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C19
Should I Choose Passion or Duty?
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
How to Get Over Someone
British AccentUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B24
What to think of the Rice Theory of the Japanese Character
British AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
PHILOSOPHY - Plato
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C15
What True Love Really Is
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C229
Why You Should Get Married Now
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
✨ Recommend Video
C113
65 sentences
How Your Childhood Influence The Way You Express Love (love styles)
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
150 sentences
Why We Can't Save Those We Love
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
240 sentences
If You Feel Like You LOST The One, WATCH THIS! | Matthew Hussey
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C1107 sentences
Life of an Adult Child of a Narcissist Explained in 8 Minutes
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
87 sentences
How To Be Alone | 4 Healthy Ways
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
593 sentences
The Dark Psychology of Value: Force Others to Respect - Alain de Botton
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
55 sentences
the desire to simply not exist
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
56 sentences
love without attachment
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
214 sentences
a warning for high achievers
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
23 sentences
11 Traits Of People Who Have Suffered TOO Much #emotionalwellness #trauma #mentalhealth
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This C1 speaking lesson is built on the video “Your Two Options in Love After a Bad Childhood”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: kindness, bear, option, critical, normal. This video has 50 sentences and 602 words to shadow. The speech runs for 3:25. The speaker talks at a natural 176 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 83% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| kindness noun | /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ | The state of being kind. |
| unavailable adjective | /ˌʌnəˈveɪləbəl/ | Not available. |
| adolescence noun | /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/ | The transitional period of physical and psychological development between childhood and maturity, beginning at the onset of puberty and with an endpoint… |
| alienation noun | /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/ | The act of alienating. |
| conclusively adverb | In a conclusive manner; with finality; decisively. | |
| detonate verb | /ˈdɛtəneɪt/ | To explode, blow up |
| devastate verb | /ˈdɛv.ə.steɪt/ | To ruin many or all things over a large area, such as most or all buildings of a city, or cities of a region, or trees of a forest. |
| intermittent adjective | /ˌɪntɚˈmɪtn̩t/ | Stopping and starting, occurring, or presenting at intervals; coming after a particular time span. |
| momentous adjective | /moʊˈmɛn.təs/ | Outstanding in importance, of great consequence. |
| perceptive adjective | /pɚˈsɛptɪv/ | Having or showing keenness or sharpness of perception, insight, understanding, or intuition. |
| powerfully adverb | /ˈpaʊɚf(ə)li/ | In a powerful manner. |
| rigmarole noun | /ˈɹɪɡməɹoʊl/ | A long and complicated formal procedure. |
| sickeningly adverb | In a manner to sicken. | |
| sweetness noun | /ˈswitnəs/ | The condition of being sweet (all senses). |
| tenderness noun | /ˈtɛn.dɚ.nɪs/ | Quality, state or condition of being tender. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. |
| run away verb | To flee by running. |
| turn away verb | To rotate so as not to face someone or something. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Let's imagine you had a bad childhood.
- You can't bear to look in mirrors.
- You can love people who think you're unlovable.
- How could someone who liked you be anything other than a loser?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | people who are · people who think · people who really |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have been · have found |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | being cared · won't be healed |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 16 contractions and reduced forms, such as can't, you're, doesn't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: alienation /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/, sabotage /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/
- Long words — get the stress right: unavailable /ˌʌnəˈveɪləbəl/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, alienation /ˌeɪli.əˈneɪʃən/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/, unacceptable /ˌʌn.ækˈsɛp.tə.bl̩/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like kindness, unavailable, adolescence.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.