Shadowing Practice: How to Sound Friendly Without Losing Authority - Learn English Speaking with Video

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I'm a real estate agent, so I'm talking to lots of people all the time.

I would say something quite normal that I think is quite friendly.

And quite often people walk out of a meeting and go, it was a terrifying experience.

It sort of leaves me with that sort of thought about, oh gosh, do I say something or don't I?

That's Marco.

And if you're like him and you have a client -facing job,

you might be doing four small things when you're talking to others that's causing you to appear cold,

unapproachable, and maybe even a little intimidating without you even realizing.

My name's Vin, I'm a communication skills coach

and I've helped millions of people improve their public speaking over the last 15 years.

In this exclusive coaching session, you're going to learn through Marco what those four habits are

and how to fix them immediately so you can come across the way you intend to.

Let's dive into it.

Why do you think people currently perceive you as being stern?

If you had to take a guess, Why do you think they perceive you as being stern?

Probably the words I use and how I use them, maybe the intonation.

Okay, yes.

So there's a part content and part delivery.

The way people perceive us is based on three things.

How we look, how we sound and what we say.

That stern thing you're saying and Marco picked up on two things.

He goes, oh, it's what I'm saying.

Oh, maybe it's the way I'm saying it.

It's also the way sometimes we look when we're saying what we're saying.

And it's fascinating because in the world of communication,

how we look impacts how we sound and then how we sound impacts how people receive what we say.

It's all interconnected.

It's fascinating and when you're not careful and you have a certain face on, even though the content is well -meaning,

but because the facial expressions, we didn't put any attention to that, people then perceive it to be, oh, they're angry at me,

even when the words are kind.

So, you've got to understand, first of all, again, the three basics when people are perceiving you in a certain way.

When you perceive someone friendly, it's because of the way they look, it's because of the way they sound, and it's because of their word choice.

So, these are the three components.

So, what I would say just from hearing you speak there, give me a sense of, give me a stern version of you.

You're saying something where, again, this level of authority is needed.

Give us a version of that.

Vin, we've really got to have a conversation about your coffee cups,

the ones that are beautifully sitting on the table and that you don't put away.

Don't want to talk about the socks and the jocks and everything else, just the coffee cups.

I I really need you to address that situation.

It's actually very triggering for me because my wife told me off that just this weekend.

So thank you very much for that, Mark.

Now, what's interesting is the default facial expressions are eyebrows come down, no smile.

All of the notes in your voice are very low.

And that makes sense in that situation.

I now want you to speak with lots of melody in your voice and say the same thing to me.

Just be silly, big smile, lots of melody in your voice and say the exact same thing.

I'm not saying this is the effective way to do it.

I'm just saying this is the other side.

So give me the complete other side now where you are a clown

and you're being silly and you're talking about putting your cups away.

Give me that in three, two, go for it.

Ben, those coffee cups of yours, you know what?

They're hilarious.

They're half finished and seriously, if we left them any longer, they could probably ferment into something that we could sell.

Okay.

Good, good, good, good.

But you're not being silly enough.

You're not being silly enough.

So this already answers the question in my head, but you're not being silly enough.

So I'm just going to push a little more.

I want you to be a little more silly.

Just go, man, this is crazy.

I want you to go.

If you don't feel silly while you're doing this, Marco, you're doing it wrong.

All right.

Love it.

So try it again.

Good, good, good, good.

Try it again.

I'm going to give you again.

Super silly in three, two, and lots of melody.

Go for it.

Vin, what's going on?

What's with those coffee cups over there?

What are you doing?

Help me out.

God, Vin, those coffee cups.

They're amazing.

You've got an amazing collection there, really Vin.

But guys, just pick them up and caress them as you put them away and just, you know, be your friend.

They've been so close to you, Vin.

But just hop them away in that sink and everyone will be so happy, Vin.

Help me.

Can we give

Marco a big round of applause?

Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.

So this is an experiment we're playing with here, right?

We saw fully, you know, stern Marco and we also saw a really, really fun kind of almost silly Marco.

When I tried to push you towards the sillier version of you,

it was harder for you to go into that because you more defaulted down to the other version, the more stern version.

What that tells me, Marco, is that that's more, this more sterner version of communication, that's more your default.

So that's why we kind of did that demonstration to go, which way do you lean more towards?

What's easier for you to access?

Way easier for you to access this.

Had to push you to access this one.

But you were still able to access it.

100

Maybe in the way you're delivering things vocally and auditorily, it's coming across more stern.

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It's looking more stern and it sounds more stern.

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You'll pick up on the language you use that it may be a trifecta

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It may be all three

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By the way, if you want to learn the exact process I used to identify markers communication blind spots

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so that you can apply it to yourself

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and figure out what your blind spots are Make sure

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you click the link in the description for my free three -part video series

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When you watch through this training and apply the process to yourself, you'll gain clarity on the specific vocal,

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visual and verbal behaviors that you need to work on in order to be a better communicator.

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So click the link in the description.

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Again, it's completely free and I promise it will change your view of your communication forever.

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Let's keep on going with the video.

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Let's continue.

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Now what you can do is you can, because there are situations where you need to say the things you need to say.

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You need to have authority.

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You need, like again, you need a behavior to stop.

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So then in those moments, the word choices can stay the same, but the delivery mechanism can lighten up.

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It doesn't become the clown version of you.

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It doesn't become the silly version of you, but you lighten up the sternness in your delivery.

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And then all of a sudden, what that means is it changes it from just being, oh, that person's just being a hard ass, right?

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They're just being a real hard ass with me right now.

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But they'll now perceive it.

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Content's still the same, but now they'll perceive it as, all right, I've got to get my act together.

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And this person cares and they want to see me do better

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and they're being that coach that I really need right now.

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So there are ways to do it, right?

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And I'll give you an example because let's just use the cup idea.

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And if I gave that example, it would be something like, again, a really stern version is, I've told you three times,

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you need to put these cups away.

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It's ridiculous.

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So again, that's me using really negative, strong words and the person's going to walk away and go, ah man, Vin's a monster.

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But again, you can lighten that sternness by adding a little melody

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and slightly changing some of the word choice and facial expressions.

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So you're seeing it happen.

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So all of a sudden now I can say, hey, listen, something that's going to make all of us feel better.

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I do this from time to time as well.

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We've got to always put the cups away because if we don't, you know what happens?

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You'll get frustrated when there are no clean cups.

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I'll get frustrated there are no clean cups.

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Let's make sure we build some new habits.

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I need a door too, right?

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So then all of a sudden now there's a softer version of that.

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But then there are some people again, who go too soft and then they never get the respect that they deserve where they go,

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oh, do you mind just putting some of the cups away?

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You know, like it just doesn't, It kind of makes it hard for the rest of the team when you're like, yeah, is that okay?

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And then that version doesn't get respect.

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And then they don't listen anyway.

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So generally people don't listen to the extremities because again, there are times when you need to call it out, right?

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There are times when you need to call it.

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I get it.

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This is why you need that emotional intelligence.

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So if you're getting the feedback that that harder side is not working, it means you need to lighten it up.

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It means you've got to have more melody in your voice.

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That's the most pragmatic thing I can tell you, Marco, is more melody in your voice is naturally going to lighten the perception of that sternness.

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And then definitely smile.

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The smile and the raising of the, not having the eyebrows down, because I noticed that in you as well,

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having the eyebrows up slightly higher and a slight smile.

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Now you're reminding me with care.

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You're not just angry at me.

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Those are the key things.

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So again, let's just try it.

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What's an example of something you say often that you feel people take the wrong way?

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I'm a real estate agent, So I'm talking to lots of people all the time.

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Sometimes my off -sider will say, oh God, you know, that might have come across the wrong way.

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But yeah, so it might be, you know, someone's just come into a house and they've walked out and my standard question is,

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well, is this a home you feel you could live in?

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Some people sort of muffle off and wander off and other people engage.

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That's a common question, but yeah.

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Is this home something you can see yourself living in?

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That's a close -ended question.

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So that's a question I either say yes or no to.

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you want to ask an open -ended question first of all right

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so you want to ask a question that they can't just say yes

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or no to it's like when you go into a store and then people say can i help you

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that's a close -ended question

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and then the answer is oh no no just looking i mean how many of us say

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that right in the chat if you say

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that just type yes right

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you get a sense of everyone says oh can i help you just have a look right

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and an open -ended questions are what questions right questions where you go, what was your favorite part?

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Was there a least favorite part?

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Can you imagine yourself living here?

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So all of a sudden, you're asking more open -ended questions that require them to talk more as opposed to just a yes or a no.

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So you go, what was your favorite part of the property as you walked around?

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I saw you spend a bit of time in the kitchen.

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Was there something there that caught your interest?

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And you're trying to get them to talk more.

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So what I would suggest, Do you use ChatGPT, Marco?

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Huge.

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A lot.

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Fantastic.

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Not for advertising material.

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I use it more when I write an email and I literally say, make this sound more friendly.

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Okay, okay, okay.

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Okay, because you have such great situational awareness.

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The thing you would type in the ChatGPT is, what are some great open -ended questions to ask at an open home?

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And what you do from that is once you get that list, now make it your own.

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don't just pick the top three because

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that may not be right for you read through 50 of them

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and go which ones are good for me which ones do i like

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and then now you can practice the delivery of it

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right and and you really want lots of melody

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and you really want lots of lots of lots of smiles

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when you say it and you want to really practice this thing as well marco called legato

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and legato is

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when you link all of your words together more whereas right now what's creating a bit of

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that sternness in your voice is an element of staccato and I'll explain so everyone's on the same page.

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I explain this often so it's okay.

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Staccato is when I speak like this.

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It's when the words I have, they sound separate.

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All of a sudden, even if I want to sound friendly, when I speak like this, I seem a little bit more stern.

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Notice that?

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Legato is when you link all of the words together.

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So legato is, hey, notice you were hanging around the kitchen there.

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Was there something there that interested you in the design or was there something that you didn't like?

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right so all of a sudden when you link all of the words together it's

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so much easier to connect with that person

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because it's easier to listen to gotcha stern in staccato is designed

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that way because when someone is being stern with you it's it's a difficult situation

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so it should feel like a little bit confronting whereas legato is designed as a beautiful friendly melody

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so again let's go let's go with a more open -ended question and you'll be able to create your own list later

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Marco but again an open -ended question is again what was your favorite part of the house?

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Was there something that you liked?

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Was there something that you didn't like?

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I want you to link all of your words together while you do that

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in a second and lots of melody and a big smile.

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So give that a go and you almost have to feel silly

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when you're doing it because when you're practicing new behaviors if it doesn't feel uncomfortable

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Marco it means you're doing nothing different.

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It means you're doing everything exactly the same.

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Nothing's changing about you.

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So again I want you to feel silly, embrace that silliness, lots of melody, open -ended question, plus big smile on your face.

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Okay.

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Let's give it a crack, mate.

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All right, here we go.

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So I'm going to count you down.

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I'm about to walk out.

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Remember open -ended?

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What was your favorite thing?

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Was it the kitchen?

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Okay.

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Three, two, one.

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Go for it.

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Hey, Vin.

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Saw that you wandered through and spent a lot of time in the kitchen.

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What was that part of your favorite?

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What was the favorite part of your house?

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Okay, good, good, good, good.

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Much better.

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But I want more linking of the words.

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I want them all to be connected together the legato, right?

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And play with melody even more.

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Just a little bit more, a little bit more.

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Okay, in three, two, go for it.

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Hey, Vin, saw that you wandered through the whole house.

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You spent a bit of time in the kitchen.

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That looked awesome.

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What was the favorite part?

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What was the one thing that you enjoyed the most?

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Okay, perfect.

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All right, good.

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See, I can see you uncomfortable there.

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That discomfort will still be there until you iron out all the kinks.

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When you first try things like this, it always feels a little bit forced.

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And that's what happens.

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It's like when you first play the saxophone, you sound terrible.

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Nobody sounds good.

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So understand, Marco, there's many things you can work on there.

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Open -ended questions, which is the content.

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Second thing is legato, linking all the words together.

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And I'll definitely play with a lot more melody.

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I wouldn't be afraid of that.

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Again, I'll give you one last example from me so you can see it with clarity.

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It's that if someone comes to me at the open house and I say something like this,

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hi, can you see yourself living in a property like this?

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Can you imagine yourself living in a property like this versus

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if they come up big smile on your face hey can

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you imagine yourself living in a property like this one day two completely different feelings right

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but then again when you change it up now

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and you even change the content

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and you say hey i know you're about to just leave saw

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you spending a lot of time in the kitchen with your husband was there something

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that caught your eye was there something that or was there something that caught your eye in a bad way.

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Talk to me.

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Completely different vibe.

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All of a sudden now, it's not a simple yes or no, then they walk past you.

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It was like, yeah, actually, there was a couple of things that we really liked in the kitchen.

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Oh, what was it?

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Talk, tell me more.

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And then they start talking and then they start talking.

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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les

Deze spreekles is gebaseerd op de video “How to Sound Friendly Without Losing Authority”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: marco, stern, word, melody, silly. Deze video bevat 290 zinnen en 3048 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 13:36. De spreker praat snel, ongeveer 224 woorden per minuut, dus reken op verbonden en ingeslikte klanken. 88% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.

Belangrijke woorden in deze video

15 woorden uit de video die het leren waard zijn, met uitspraak en betekenis:

Woord	Uitspraak	Betekenis
stern zelfstandig naamwoord	/stɝn/	achtersteven, achterschip
silly bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˈsɪl.i/	ondoordacht, dom
melody zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈmɛl.ə.di/	melodie
perceive werkwoord	/pɚˈsiv/	waarnemen
sudden bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˈsʌd.ən/	plotseling, plotselinge
default zelfstandig naamwoord	/dɪˈfɔlt/	niet-nakoming
wander werkwoord	/ˈwɑndɚ/	zwerven, rondtrekken
whereas	/(h)wɛɹˈæz/	hoewel, terwijl
connect werkwoord	/kəˈnɛkt/	verbinden
habit zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈhæb.ɪt/	gewoonte
uncomfortable bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/	ongemakkelijk
clown zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈklaʊ̯n/	clown
clarity zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈklæɹ.ɪ.ti/	helderheid, klaarheid
naturally bijwoord	/ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/	natuurlijk
element zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈɛləmənt/	element

Phrasal verbs die je zult horen

Woord	Betekenis
come across werkwoord	overkomen
figure out werkwoord	uitvogelen, er achter komen
hang around werkwoord	rondhangen

Zinnen om te herhalen

Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:

Ben, those coffee cups of yours, you know what?
What's easier for you to access?
Can you imagine yourself living here?
Was there something there that caught your interest?
Was there something that you didn't like?

Grammatica in deze video

De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:

Structuur	In de video
Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet	is based · is needed · is designed
Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt	I've helped · They've been · I've told

Uitspraak om op te letten

De spreker gebruikt 87 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals you're, I'm, don't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.

De klanken “sh” en “zh”: facial /ˈfeɪ.ʃəl/, perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, demonstration /dɛmənˈstɹeɪʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, intonation /ɪntəˈneɪʃən/
Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/, experiment /ɪkˈspɛɹ.ə.mənt/, hilarious /hɪˈlɛə.ɹi.əs/

Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:

Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: perceive /pɚˈsiv/, whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, remind /ɹəˈmaɪnd/, engage /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/, dive /daɪv/
/æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, habit /ˈhæb.ɪt/, clarity /ˈklæɹ.ɪ.ti/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, crack /kɹæk/
/g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: engage /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/, trigger /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, legato /ləˈɡɑ.toʊ/, gotcha /ˈɡɑ.tʃə/

Zo oefen je met deze video

Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als stern, silly, melody.

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?

Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.

Shadowing-techniek: lees de volledige stap-voor-stap-gids →

Shadowing Practice: How to Sound Friendly Without Losing Authority - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les

Belangrijke woorden in deze video

Phrasal verbs die je zult horen

Zinnen om te herhalen

Grammatica in deze video

Uitspraak om op te letten

Zo oefen je met deze video

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?