Shadowing Practice: How to Talk to Anyone (Even If You Don't Know What To Say!) - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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I'm going to show you how to talk to anyone without running out of things to say.
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I'm talking when you're stuck in awkward small talk with a co-worker, when you're meeting someone new and your mind goes blank,
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or when you've known somebody for years but still feel like you barely know them.
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As long as you follow the exact framework in this video, you'll never feel trapped again in conversations.
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Understanding this framework has allowed me to form a strong connection with 95% of the people
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that I've met as a keynote speaker and as a communication coach.
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But before I teach you the framework, I need to address the biggest misconception I hear when it comes to talking to people.
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Small talk.
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Everybody hates small talk.
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Yet, you've got to understand
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that small talk is the path you have to go through in order to get to big talk.
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The problem is staying in small talk.
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The problem is when people go, Hey, how's your morning been?
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Oh, good, good, good, good.
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How's the weather?
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I guess.
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I guess we're in the same place or experienced in the same weather.
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Haha, it's pretty hot outside.
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And the reason it gets weird and the reason it feels weird is because you're staying within the small talk category.
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If you want to talk to anyone but you're afraid of getting stuck in that small talk loop, then this framework will help you.
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It uses a communication technique called conversational threading.
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Conversational threading is a technique where through conversation you actively notice specific words or topics and details that the other person mentions.
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and then you pick one of those to respond to or expand upon to keep the conversation flowing naturally.
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Or if you're the person talking,
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you give enough detail in your answers so the other person has multiple pathways or conversational threads to take the conversation next.
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Most conversations end fast because there are no threads to pull on.
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This framework creates six threads.
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It's called High Low Buffalo.
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High means you're sharing something that's going good for you.
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What's going well for you?
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What's going really good for you?
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And then low is something that's not as good.
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Something that's not going so well for you, not so good for you.
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There's you being a little vulnerable.
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And then buffalo, this is something that's interesting about you.
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What's interesting about you?
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Share one interesting thing about you.
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And that's how you play High Low Buffalo.
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So say for example, we were going to play this game.
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The way I would frame it after a little bit of small talk is I'd say, Oh, hey, by the way, my name's Vin.
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It's so nice to meet you.
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Oh, my name's Ben.
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Great to meet you too, Vin.
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Ben, I learned from this communication guy named Vin Zhang.
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He's amazing.
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If you want details to join his class, I'll give them to you via email later.
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He's got a crazy game.
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He calls High Low Buffalo.
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We've worked together for three years, we barely know each other.
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Do you mind if we play this game?
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High means you share something that's going well for you in your life.
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Low means something that's not so good for you in your life.
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And then Buffalo is something interesting about you.
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Are you open to this?
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Yeah, sure, let's give it a go.
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Then you go first.
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So then what I do now is I share the three things.
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So if I was to play this with you right now so you can experience how it happens, I can say, you know, something that's going really well for me right now is I've handed in my final edit for my book.
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It's been a really challenging thing that I've done in my life, but I'm so proud of what I've been able to do and I'm just glad that chapter's over and done with.
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So I'm feeling really positive about that.
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Low for me?
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Low for me is that I've found that I've been working still too much in the last probably two to three months.
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I'm still getting into work so early and I'm leaving really late and I find myself my life's a little bit, it's not really well balanced.
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I feel like I'm not spending enough time with the kids and my wife.
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So yeah, I'm not feeling too great about that.
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And then the third thing I'll share with you is I just got two to cats.
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I've never been a cat person my entire life
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and what's interesting is that I've discovered this part of me
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that I've really fallen in love with cats
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and I used to be a dog person 100% I used to think
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that people who own cats are evil but I find myself really liking cats now.
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So that's been an interesting thing I found about myself.
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What I've just done there is I've created three threads okay
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so what I've done there is
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when you think of this conversation now what allows you to
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get out of the territory of small talk is I've created now three opportunities.
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The first thing I spoke about was my book.
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The second thing I've talked about was work, life, balance.
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And how it's a little bit off balance, right?
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So I'm off balance.
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And then the third thing I spoke about was the kittens.
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We adopted a couple of cats
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so what i've effectively done is i've created three brand new
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threads for this conversation to be able to move into whichever
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direction we want to go by the way as a quick note for those of you who are new here
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if you want to learn more about conversational frameworks that work in professional and personal environments
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I've created a free two-hour training that shares three of my top frameworks
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that I use every single day and even in this video.
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Make sure you click the link in the description
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or scan the QR code you see on screen if you want access to it.
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But here's what's brilliant, because what's brilliant is now they have a go.
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So now Ben has a turn.
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Oh, well, thank you for sharing that.
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That's awesome.
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Well, okay, my turn.
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What's going well for me is I just got a promotion, which is I'm so excited about.
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I've been waiting for this promotion for so long and finally I got the promotion, so I'm really proud of that.
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The second thing, something I don't feel
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so good about is I've been putting off a really hard
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conversation with one of the team members who's not really pulling their weight
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and I just keep putting it off
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and I'm having to do their work all the time and I'm not setting clear boundaries, so that's been really hard.
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And then something interesting about me is that I do archery.
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I do archery and that's what I do in my free time.
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I've loved archery for the last 10-15 years of my life.
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Okay, you see what's happened to you?
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Now there are not just three threads, now there are six threads in this conversation.
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Because if you think about what Ben just mentioned, first thing was that he got a promotion.
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Second thing that Ben mentioned was that he had a tough conversation.
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How he's avoiding the tough conversation.
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And then the final thing is archery.
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What we've effectively done now is we've got six different threads, six different directions that we can go in with this conversation.
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And I call it conversational threads because now there are so many different threads that we can choose to pull on.
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And these are threads that both parties actually care about.
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Otherwise, when you don't have this, what are you doing?
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You're shooting in the dark.
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We are now creating known knowns, things that people actually like talking about and are open to talking about.
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And we've done a really special thing here too, because we also got them to share something that's a little vulnerable.
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And that's such a critical factor into having deep conversations.
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Because once Ben and I both play this game, there are now six threads in front of us.
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And Ben can choose.
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Does he want to pull on one of my threads?
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Does he want to pull on the book?
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Does he want to pull on work-life balance?
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Does he want to pull on the kittens?
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Right?
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And I've got three choices with Ben.
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Do I want to pull in on the promotion or the tough conversation that he should be having?
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Or maybe even archery, because I do archery too you too and then you found something in common.
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This also increases the chances of you finding something that you have in common with the other person.
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Do you see how powerful this framework is?
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Is that it opens up so many threads and now it allows you to have a deeper conversation.
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So Ben might actually ask me, oh hey Vin, Ben tell me more about the work-life balancing because I'm finding myself working too much too.
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The result of me avoiding the tough conversation is that I'm also working more now too so I totally feel you.
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So what are you going to do about that Vin?
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Now I I get to talk more deeply on why work-life balance is important to me, what's my approach, how am I going to start to change things
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and it might lead to a really deep conversation to where to where Ben might have some insights
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that helps me get through that.
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Then I can ask Ben, Ben tell me more about the promotion.
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I heard people talking about him, tell me more about the promotion, how do you feel?
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How do you feel in the new role?
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This is what deepens connection and builds rapport.
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But that's how I approach conversations where I know I'm going
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to be sitting with a stranger for for the next 30 plus minutes.
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I will create this.
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And when you're playing this with three or four people, oh my goodness, the conversations go crazy because you've got now 15 threads.
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I've discovered that most people end up hating their jobs, not so much because of the job itself.
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They don't hate the job.
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They hate that they feel so disconnected in their job.
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They hate that they feel so isolated.
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They hate that they feel so alone.
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Whereas when you work with great people and you've got great connection, you love what you do.
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Sometimes even if what you do sucks a little bit, you still do it because you love the people.
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And the single biggest thing that people regret
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when they die is I wish I spent more time connecting with the people that I love.
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It's the single biggest regret.
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I wish I connected more.
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It's not like I worked harder or wish I had another car or wish I had this house.
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No, no, I wish I had deeper connections with the people that I love.
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So try this game with the people you love.
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Try this at dinner with the kids.
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Try it with your partner.
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Give it a go.
Why practice speaking with this video?
Engaging in conversations can sometimes be a daunting task, especially when faced with small talk or unfamiliar company. This video offers a structured approach to conversation that can help you enhance your speaking skills in English. By following the framework of "High Low Buffalo," you will learn how to navigate through small talk and develop deeper connections with others. The skills acquired through practicing this technique not only equip you to maintain lively discussions but also boost your overall confidence in speaking. Incorporating the shadowing technique while practicing these conversational skills can further solidify your learning.
Grammar & Expressions in Context
In this video, several key structures and expressions are highlighted that can be valuable for English learners:
- "How's your morning been?" - This is a common way to start a conversation. The use of the present perfect tense here invites the other person to share their experiences, setting the stage for interaction.
- "What's going well for you?" - This phrase encourages the other person to reflect on positive experiences, making it a great opener for deeper engagement.
- "What's interesting about you?" - This question pivots the conversation back to the person, creating a connection and allowing for personal storytelling, which enriches the dialogue.
Practicing these structures using a shadowing app can help you gain fluency and natural intonation while enhancing your grammatical accuracy.
Common Pronunciation Traps
English learners may encounter certain pronunciation challenges in this video that could affect clarity during speech. Pay attention to:
- “Buffalo” - This word can be tricky; ensure that you pronounce it clearly to avoid confusion with the phrase "buffalo," which refers to the animal.
- “Good” - Repeated use of this word in context with other phrases may lead to monotony. Practice varying your intonation to emphasize different emotions associated with it.
- “Small talk” - The 'l' and 't' sounds can sometimes blend together. Focus on enunciating these consonants clearly to ensure you convey your ideas effectively.
Utilizing techniques like shadow speech during practice can notably improve your pronunciation and help you become more resilient against common traps.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.