Shadowing Practice: The Gift Of Depression & Heartbreak - Learn English Speaking with Video
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As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullah Hi Daddy,
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love of my life, apple of my eye As-salamu alaykum I missed you I miss you too, Baba It's been a long,
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long time You came, I couldn't see you the day you came Yeah, because you decided to leave my house, which is fine Maybe it was for the better, but Alhamdulillah Anyway, I'm coming to you tomorrow,
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Taras al-Khaimeh With Natalie I'm going to spend two nights What do you want me to tell you?
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It's been an interesting time, to say the least What do you want to talk about today?
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You want to choose the subject?
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I don't know where to begin Mm-hmm.
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Bismillah. So you can...
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The only thing that's been echoing in my hollow head is...
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You have no hollow.
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Alhamdulillah.
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It's a form of speech.
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As humans, we need to be always vigilant to our own desire for excessive rest and comfort.
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Comfort.
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I see how comfort is our biggest enemy in all aspects.
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I mean, as individuals, as families, as business, as communities, and maybe as whole societies,
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when we get too comfortable with a certain situation and it becomes a norm,
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it's, and also, when we get physically comfortable in the sense that we indulge into this sense of relaxed mood,
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It's like everything is just like overindulgence with resources and time and joy.
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It is harmful physically.
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It's actually poisonous physically for your health.
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It damages your psyche, your brain.
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And spiritually, it's one of the worst things that could happen to a human.
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I agree.
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And subhanAllah, that's why we need to always challenge ourselves, push ourselves to do things we don't like.
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And this is not only on the physical.
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It's not only in the physical.
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In all aspects and plateaus of existence.
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I've been doing something of this sort lately and I could see how significant it is to...
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Tell them.
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Oh no, I don't want to brag.
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But you can't just say something vague and then...
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No, it's not bragging.
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Health-wise, I was very much in need of...
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Are you talking about the ice bath or the one meal a day?
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Both.
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Both.
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I've been doing the one meal a day as well.
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Well, I've lost like seven and a half kilos.
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Both.
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You know, I started...
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Are we not going to acknowledge that I lost seven and a half kilos?
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We did.
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MashaAllah.
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Okay, I had to do that because one of my closest childhood friends, Aya Zebin, all this Jordan trip, we were just like, clock it.
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And she hates that I do it.
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So I just wanted to tell Aya, clock it.
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SubhanAllah.
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I talk it very personally that I want to, it's not just do it,
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I just want to challenge my body to the point of near collapse every time I do it.
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And it's funny that those symptoms that I had earlier and they were challenged,
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my symptoms were aggravated by any form of cold exposure.
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And then I went and I forced that on myself.
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And then those symptoms are starting to dissipate one after the other.
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And I feel way more energetic.
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I feel way more.
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And I kind of want to start even the physical activity very shortly.
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Challah.
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Alhamdulillah.
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You know, I said something to you earlier.
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I think it is Abu al-A'atahiyah who says, .
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OK.
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It's not something we claim to have, but you do.
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Shabaab is the energy.
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It's the manifestation of energy.
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Or being able, capable to do what you want at your whim.
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That's what youthhood gives you.
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Farag is having abundance of time.
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Okay.
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To do whatever you want with.
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You're not obliged to spend your time working
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or the financial ability to be able to tap into financial resources whenever you want.
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This combination is a corruption for the individual.
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Although this combination can be one of the greatest gifts a man can have,
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if the mind is set properly?
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I think it's, yes, if the mind is set properly, but I also think if you earn it.
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Yeah.
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Do you know what I mean?
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Because I was talking to my friends.
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I'm not going to reference who, because I'm going to keep this vague.
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But anyway, I was just telling my friends, I was like, you are people that have way too much time on your hands.
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Just, you live with mom and dad.
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Mom and dad pay your bills.
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There's the housekeeper that does your laundry.
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The food is cooked you have no idea what it's like to pay an electricity bill.
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I don't even think they would know how.
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I'm going to be really honest with you.
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And the problem with that kind of emptiness
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and hollowness is they go looking for all the worst things to fill their time with.
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And it's just almost masochistic how, if you really look at their life from the outside, not to say that people don't have their own troubles and sorrows and woes,
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that's a lot of it is self-inflicted.
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Baba, bamberment is the worst atrocity, the worst abuse you could do to a child.
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Yeah.
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To overbamber him.
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Spoiled.
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I know.
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I agree.
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It's actually children who have been overbambered and over-cautioned,
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and so behave in a much similar way to kids that have been physically abused.
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Wow.
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And there are studies.
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But also I think you mentioned once that over spoiled or pampered or whatever children are the most depressed in adulthood.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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Because you're not, you see, how did you, how did you learn to swim?
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Me?
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You kind of just threw me in there.
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Thank you.
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You did, you kind of just picked me up and just threw me in there.
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I watched you because you're still young and you have the potency and within two minutes you were swimming.
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And I watched children being kind of convinced and kind of walked into it and talked into it and it didn't work.
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It takes too long.
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And you know, one of the things you need to really know is that we learn fear from our parents.
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We also inherit fear from our parents.
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Exactly.
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Woman with paranoia or with, what is that?
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Not paranoia.
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Anxiety.
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Panic?
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Fear?
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Yeah.
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Fear of heights.
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Phobias.
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Fear of heights, fear of spiders, fear of insects.
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they pass it to their children.
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Yeah.
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And the connection is very, very strong, especially with the mother in the beginning and then with the father.
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You notice that your child, your babies, they will always look at your face when something happens.
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He falls down, he looks at your face.
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You overreact, he will cry.
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Yeah.
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You act like nothing and he will just, it's nothing.
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Nothing happened to him.
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This is true.
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Nothing happened to him.
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This over exaggerated sense of protection and anxiety and like,
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I'm going to kill all the germs so my child will not have the flu.
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It doesn't work like this.
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Agreed.
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You need to prepare them to face life as it is.
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And life as it is is not going to bumble anybody.
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I mean, if you have enough tools, what we were talking about in the beginning of the...
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L'episode, comfort.
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Before that, your rent.
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I can pay it.
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I know you can pay it and I can pay it.
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But I don't want to pay it.
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But that's fine.
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I'll give you that.
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Because I am finally at a stage in my life where I could be like, no, you pay it.
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That's fine.
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But the thing is, I always, I don't, I say, okay, you don't want to pay it, I'll pay it.
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But you see, the thing is, just by reminding you that these things.
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I don't want to be reminded.
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But this is how life works.
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I just want to be a girl.
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Yeah.
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Just.
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But you are a girl.
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Be a girl, but be a girl who's capable of being a girl too.
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be a girl who is capable of holding herself and holding at least a small ambient around her.
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Yeah, alhamdulillah.
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What do you mean?
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I mean, the way you are now.
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Like how women were before.
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What about the way I am now?
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Are you saying this in a positive sense?
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In a very positive sense.
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Oh.
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If you've seen it any other way.
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No, I think I'm just like not seeing myself like that right now.
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Alhamdulillah.
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You see, I remember my mother,
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how she had a fought team as a family, 11 kids.
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She did everything.
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Anything you could imagine she was doing in the house.
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And you don't feel she's enslaved into it.
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You don't feel she's forced.
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You know, it's a natural thing.
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Yeah. And that's...
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Her presence and her existence were like a shelter for everybody around.
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And within the norm of that time, within the ethics and the acceptable interactions of that time,
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SubhanAllah, in many, many ways she reminds me of you.
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If you would laugh at the comparison, but it's not what you do.
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It's the essence behind it.
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I understand.
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Like, SubhanAllah.
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You know, she was a trader by nature.
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She was a woman of Sana'a, a woman of always doing something, always making little money here and money here.
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And you think of anything,
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ma'dos, pickled things, there is always enough prepared and stacked to feed you and give away,
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to feed a family of 11 and give away.
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Yeah.
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So, subhanAllah, those are the real survivors.
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Now you have generations that cannot survive news.
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Yeah.
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Just news.
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Yeah.
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Nothing hit them.
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Nothing touched them.
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Nothing came close to them, and they're panicking and running around.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I said this multiple times.
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I've said this on this podcast.
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I've said it in conversations with my friends, but I think depression is a first-world problem.
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It is a big problem, but it's also a big source of income to certain entities.
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It is.
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But I saw a video talking about Imam Ghazali's definition of depression or what depression is,
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and I thought it was beautiful because that's kind of how I view things without really, I guess I just don't put them into words as eloquently,
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but also there are a lot of times times where I just have conversations between myself and I, or I know something to be true
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and I don't necessarily need to have had to explain it to someone or put it into actual words.
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But it was really beautiful to see.
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But basically, what it is, is depression can be the biggest gift.
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It just depends on how you choose to see it
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because it's viewed as this dark cloud that is a soldier from God sent to serve a purpose.
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And it's an opportunity for you to sit with yourself and see what needs realignment, what needs mending, what needs fixing,
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or what maybe needs to be removed in its entirety.
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But to sit alone is to be with God.
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And if you choose to view that depression as just what a blessing
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that God actually wants to help you out and sends you such an intense, overwhelming feeling that sometimes just infiltrates your lungs,
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grind your bones, I understand how difficult it can be.
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But if you choose to see it as an opportunity
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that it's a light being shown on exactly what it is that you've been praying for to be fixed, everything changes.
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Depression can be a gift.
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It's actually the dimming of the light on these things that need to be fixed.
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See, when you're depressed, it's that moment when the light is not reaching.
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Yeah.
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Dark cloud.
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Dark cloud.
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And I know because I went through it as a child.
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Same.
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I remember years of waiting for something to happen.
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Same.
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The one who made me realize it was my professor later, Abdul Jaleel.
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He passed away a few months ago.
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He was a philosophy professor professor and I met him in the university
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and I I I talk his his course
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and we became the closest of friends although the difference in age was huge between us like you
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and me you're ancient and I'm just a budding flower Thank you.
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You see, it's the friendship of minds.
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It's not the friendship of purpose, the friendship of souls and minds.
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I've seen a lot of my family, the comment between them and the other person is what they do.
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That's why they're friends, because they sit together or smoke together or play cards together or whatever they do together.
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Yeah.
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Which is doesn't last because those people,
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those people or the stage or the cycle you are in keeps on repeating itself.
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People go and then you need other people.
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So you continue the habit.
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Yes.
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But when the friendship on that level, which is like it doesn't ever end.
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Like I couldn't see him for years but he's still my friend.
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Yes.
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Because of the way we communicated and the way we thought.
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Yeah.
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Subhanallah.
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Depression, dimming of light.
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So he shared something with me which was very I was going through it.
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He said for years and he, let me remind you, he has at that time two PhDs,
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one of them from the Sohbun and from France, one of the most elinquent and well-spoken people I've seen.
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And he said he would spend hours on on the cafes with his either drink or coffee,
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just sitting, looking at people and waiting.
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There was always this heavy sense of waiting that kind of conquered his soul.
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And he said, I only knew what I was waiting for when I became a Muslim.
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SubhanAllah.
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He's a revert.
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Yes, yes.
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He's German, originally German.
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And at that moment, that waiting went, the sense of waiting went,
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and it felt like he reached somewhere.
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He's now in the company of that whom he was longing for.
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So I know that very well because I had very similar experience, that heavy energy that something is lacking,
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missing, wanting out of you.
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And I only found it when I found it and that got nothing to do with the physical.
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I understand.
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And yeah, still we go through this ups and downs,
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but it never reaches a bottom of darkness. So, yeah, I understand.
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Anymore.
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Anymore.
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I think is the key word because I've noticed
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that people tend to think that because I say depression is a first-world problem
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that I don't understand it or negate its existence and Again, I don't really delve into the past,
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but maybe sometimes it's important just so people understand that
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when we speak it is coming from a place of we have literally been there
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and I remember there were days where I used to pray to God before I went to sleep.
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I was like, take me before I take myself.
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I remember it so clearly, like that feeling, that dread where I was like, I would tell him, like literally,
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just because I could not see an out.
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Or I didn't want to see an out.
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I think is the better way to explain it.
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So, when I say that the reason I'm so strict with it now
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is because I know what it was and I refuse to give in to that again.
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And also when I look back
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and I see how every closing of a door was the opening of a gate to heaven.
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Of a gate.
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You know, and every no was a thousand yeses just waiting right behind that no. Do you see what I mean?
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And if I had given in to my darkest moments in my darkest time,
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I would have not been here today.
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We wouldn't have this podcast.
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I wouldn't be able to take care of my family.
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I wouldn't have met the people that I've met.
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I wouldn't have experienced all the love that I have experienced so far and have yet to experience.
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And it's almost that I recognized internally that I do have a sense of heartbreak about me.
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I think I'll always be heartbroken, but rather than fight it, I really embrace it.
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I almost look forward to this heartbreak.
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And I'm not talking about a romantic heartbreak at all, not even in the slightest.
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But this heartbreak of understanding how temporary this world is, understanding how grief will find you, will find you, death is promised to you, it's promised to you.
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Betrayal, deceit, all of these experiences that encompass what your journey on this earth is, including all the great feelings like love, sacrifice, joy, celebration.
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I just don't want to fight it anymore.
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So I embrace the heartbreak because like Rumi said,
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the wound is where the light enters and it's not a light thing to experience and it's not something to take lightly.
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I think heartbreak is also a gift from God.
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It brings you closer.
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Allah, subhanAllah.
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Actually, we talked about this earlier.
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You would never find God till your heart is broken.
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And again, I'm emphasizing this isn't a romantic heartbreak.
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It's not a romantic.
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It can come through a romantic heartbreak.
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You can meet someone who you thought was your partner or your soulmate, and they end up breaking your heart,
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but that heartbreak leads you towards the heartbreak that you're meant to experience.
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But I'm not referring to romantic heartbreak in this case.
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I have always said, and you know this about me, I do have a melancholic air to me, and I'm always a little sad, but I think it's a good thing.
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Subhanallah, having a touch of sadness that doesn't leave you is a good thing.
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I think so too.
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I think so too.
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Because it's not a depressive sadness.
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I'm not depressed.
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I don't want to, God forbid, kill myself or for my life to end.
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So it's not that kind of sadness.
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And it's not a sadness that overwhelms me where I can't move.
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If anything, it's a sadness that fuels me.
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It's a sadness that makes me want to ascend and do better.
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Without this sadness, there is no depth.
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There is this jamby state of farah, what you call it, is this...
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Over excitement?
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Over excitement, which most people think it is joy.
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It is not joy.
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It's not.
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It fizzes very quickly and you find people just like, what to do?
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I need another dose.
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Yeah.
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Without this sense of Healthy sadness.
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Yeah, there is no depth.
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I agree.
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And without depth.
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There is no connection.
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I agree without connection There is no light.
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Yeah without light.
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There is no God.
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I agree I think also everything you're saying has a lot to do with just a lack of faith and
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We've spoken about this before where a lot of the times we've Dwindled the whole concept of faith just into saying oh,
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yeah, I do believe in God But then the way you move the way you function the way you process
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horrible news and good news all point towards you don't actually believe in God because you panic at the slightest inconvenience,
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you know and subhanAllah I read a quote the other day, it's such a simple quote but you know sometimes you just see something and you're like, I needed to see that,
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and it was saying if God planted the dream, he also planned the way so just take a deep breath and trust the process,
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because it's true I always say if you have a dream, if you have an idea, if you have a passion, if it's that light at the end of the tunnel,
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God put it in your heart and soul for a reason.
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And if he put it in your heart and soul for a reason, you better trust and believe.
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Not only does he have one way planned for you, he has 10,000, meaning no matter who says no to you, no matter what door is closed,
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he will open 10 million others for you and he will get you to where you need to get.
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and that breathe is just have a little bit of faith in something bigger than you and your insecurities.
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That's all it is.
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You know... Does that make sense?
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Too much.
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Too much.
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I'm making too much sense.
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Clock it, Daddy.
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Yeah!
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I think I clocked it.
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Aya is going to shoot me.
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It's a very new generation thing.
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You see, walking the walk,
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knowing where it is I need to crack my neck where it is the you know societies
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and already set forms of doing things like what we
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what we learn in schools what we learn in universities what we learn in the social interactions you need to do this, you do not need to do that this is right,
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this is wrong The fact that it doesn't really...
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Without you having the awareness that you need to examine and look into each and every aspect of...
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and then we can choose.
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What do you mean?
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Elaborate, please.
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Like we're told that things should be done in a certain way.
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Yeah.
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And most people you see that fail socially are the ones that abide to the social code, to the maximum.
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Yes, agreed.
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And those who always succeed are the ones who challenge it.
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But how you challenge it, the thing is how you challenge it.
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Do you challenge it because you just want to break the norm
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or you challenge it because you really want to have a bitter option?
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Like for a higher purpose.
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Yes.
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So it's very interesting that you're saying this because I saw two videos as well that kind of...
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I've always not followed the rules, as you very well know.
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Which I'm grateful for, alhamdulillah.
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Now?
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Alhamdulillah.
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I drove you crazy.
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But so basically when I was in Jordan with mom, she was kind of shocked at my behavior, but in a good way.
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And I didn't think I could possibly shock my mother any
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more than I already have in the past 31 years of my life.
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But she was like, I didn't know you were like this.
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That you, because you believe in something so much, you'll burn the house down with you in it just to prove a point.
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And I was like, absolutely.
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Have you not been paying attention?
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That's exactly what I'll do.
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And then I saw a video.
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So there's two videos.
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There's this concept of, there was this general, who I think was either a Spaniard or a Mexican, I'm not sure, who, when they had sailed to new territories to either go to war or conquer or whatever,
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He saw that his team had some fear and trepidation in their eyes.
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So he said burn the ships that that way there's no way back Okay, and then when you don't have an alternative except to move forward.
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That's it That's all your energy is focused on and then I saw another video of this dude saying
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Burn it he's like in order to find a needle in the haystack burn the hay who cares about the hay?
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One of the things I do believe so because because I don't like people with too many options Facts.
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Option one, option two.
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When you decide to do something, that's your option.
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And do it full steam ahead, don't look back.
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I agree, I agree.
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So I was watching these videos, and then after mom and me had this conversation, so obviously the algorithm was listening to me,
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but I am very much like this with everything that I do.
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Granted, it can be not a good thing when I do it, even when I know I'm making the wrong decision or I'm about to do something stupid, I still also go full steam ahead, which is not a good thing.
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But I do abide by this concept that burn it, burn everything to the ground and just keep moving forward and don't look back.
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Because if it means disappointing other people in order not to disappoint yourself or God, who cares?
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And also if anyone is standing in the way of your burning, that was someone who had ill intentions or isn't meant to be there to begin with.
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And also what are you afraid of?
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I think people are so afraid of saying what they wanna say
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and meaning what it is that they want to say out of fear of repercussions.
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Like, oh, I don't want to make an enemy of this person.
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Oh, I don't want to insult that person.
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Burn it.
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Burn the ships and go full steam ahead and don't look back.
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Especially when you're starting, when you're starting thoughts or ideas or businesses.
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Even a relationship?
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Even relationships.
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Oh, it's actually, there is no relationship that works if you have an option B.
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Thank you.
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Gracias, señor.
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And this is something I saw women do a lot.
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Eh?
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Men are known for their options.
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I saw women too.
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I'm sorry.
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Men are known for their options.
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Yeah, that's a different thing.
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Generally speaking.
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Both, both.
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I agree.
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Okay.
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When embarking on a journey like this,
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especially a commitment, and you have other options, if it fails, it will fail.
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Yes.
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So here's the thing.
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When I started my companies, I had zero other options.
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Didn't even think of that possibility.
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And I burned a lot of bridges to get to because I was like, that's it.
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I'm going full steam ahead and I just don't care.
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And burn the house down.
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Best thing I ever did.
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Alhamdulillah.
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Alhamdulillah.
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An alternative doesn't exist in my mind.
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Success is the only reality.
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Yes, I want to start business, but then I don't want to lose my salary.
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Then I would do it this way or fit here or fit there.
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You know what?
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Stay with your salary.
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Yeah, but facts.
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Facts.
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Yeah, stay with your salary.
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It's just, it doesn't work.
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Because I actually attempted to do this at a certain age.
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Interesting.
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I didn't.
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Mom and Zemo gave me a mouthful when I was like, I'm quitting my job and starting my own thing.
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a mouthful.
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But Zemo stands by I would have rather warned you and end up being wrong.
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This is what we call negative management.
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Negative management, they always come with the worst scenario, the negative scenario and ask you not to do it.
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I love being underestimated.
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It's okay.
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And then if it...
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A negative manager is always right because that's what they do.
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They do nothing.
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They just make you feel bad about what you're going to do.
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And they are actually required in big organization you need at least one of them
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because they have this ability to spot always the negative stuff
485
but then if you follow them they win
486
if you don't follow them they also win
487
because they come until you they come until you
488
because zemo did say i'd rather have warned you and be wrong
489
and he's like that's exactly what i mean he's he admitted to being wrong He admitted.
490
Well, that's good for him.
491
Okay.
492
Anyway.
493
But generally, negative managers, they always win because- Yeah.
494
Because- He was not a negative Nelly.
495
I did not accuse him of that.
496
Anyway.
497
Wait, when we were saying about bring the ships, can we talk about that in a relationship perspective?
498
Yeah.
499
Because, because boy, do I have some thoughts and some feelings.
500
It's one of the fairest signs that you are dealing with someone who's already mentally and emotionally prepared to betray you.
501
Elaborate, please.
502
When you go into a relationship, any form of partnership, including the emotional one,
503
and the person, you or the other person, having a stack of options if this does not work.
504
Yeah.
505
It means that it's not going to work.
506
But I think, can I be honest, I think it's surpassed even the options being something as trivial as, oh, I have a roster of men or oh,
507
I have a roster of women on the side.
508
I think it's one of the saddest realities that we see today is
509
that people fear love and heartbreak so much that they actually stop themselves from falling in love and being heartbroken.
510
they'll have a good thing, something they've prayed for, and they'll go sabotage it out of fear of what may or may not transpire.
511
And rather than it being, oh, I have other options, it's I'll do anything but go through this.
512
And I think it's so cowardly.
513
People don't love the way they used to.
514
People don't have a desire to be open and put themselves out there the way they used to.
515
And I think it's the most egotistical and selfish thing you could do is
516
that deny yourself divine love and also end up denying someone else?
517
This comes from the fact that we don't live in realities anymore.
518
We live in...
519
Expectations?
520
Kind of, I don't know what is the right word.
521
Expectations.
522
Yes.
523
The Lululand.
524
The Lululand.
525
We are always trying to imitate another scenario that we see on...
526
Rather than create our own.
527
Exactly.
528
But isn't that insane?
529
Like the fact that you could...
530
So I'm of two minds of this for multiple reasons.
531
I was having a conversation with a friend and I was explaining, bear with me because I know you're going to disagree.
532
But I think to our core, this is accurate, especially given the biological factors that implicate this, okay?
533
And you and I have spoken about this before, but in a different context.
534
I think we as women are seldom the people who first
535
initiate anything in the sense of we are reacting to whatever a man presents to us on the table.
536
By our nature, we follow.
537
By a man's nature, he's meant to lead, if both are in their healthy nature.
538
So we women never initiate something,
539
Even if our reaction is crazy or overwhelming or it's just us reacting to what is being presented in front of us.
540
And men don't lead.
541
And what they present sometimes is quite atrocious.
542
So when they don't give you the right thing to begin with, how am I meant to move forward with any of this?
543
By our nature, we react to what you put in front of us.
544
Okay.
545
We women do not initiate.
546
Okay, well, this is a concept that's been repeated again and again in social media.
547
No, I have not heard this anywhere on social media.
548
Oh, I heard it many, many times.
549
You don't think that men by their nature lead and women by their nature tend to want to follow?
550
Men by their nature lead, but traditionally speaking, women used to initiate, but in a subtle way.
551
I'm not talking about initiating a relationship.
552
I'm talking about when a woman is interacting with a man.
553
We're reacting to what's being put on the table.
554
That's why I've had a lot of friends say, she's going to know I'm talking about her when she hears this, I'm not going to say her name, that she was in a relationship with someone who made her anxious all the freaking time and doubtful and insecure.
555
But then she was in a relationship with someone shortly after where she was so at peace.
556
She didn't doubt herself, she didn't doubt the relationship and what changed?
557
Him, not her.
558
What changed him?
559
remained the same.
560
Whatever vulnerabilities she had, whatever things she liked about her, it kind of more or less remained the same.
561
This is one of the things both men and women should be very vigilant to,
562
is how does an individual who comes into your life, regardless as a friend, as a colleague, as...
563
In what capacity?
564
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
565
Yeah.
566
What changes in your life?
567
Because if nothing changes, then there is no use for him.
568
Yes.
569
And if it changes in a negative sense, there's also no use for them.
570
But if it improves, then there is use for them.
571
If it changes in a negative sense, there is use for them.
572
The only use for them is to make sure they awaken in you in a way.
573
But you're really supposed to detach.
574
Yes. And move.
575
Because this is not the end of life.
576
Yes.
577
I remember your brother, my son, Mohammed, he came at the age of what, nine, ten?
578
Sure.
579
From school with a heart broken.
580
Because the girl beside him in the, I don't know if they were first year of school or second year of school.
581
Yeah.
582
She kind of dumped him as kids.
583
And now she's talking to his friend.
584
and he goes to his room and covers himself and cries.
585
And I'm like, what is happening?
586
And then finally he tells me, and I'm like, get up, get up, get up, let's talk.
587
And you may not find what I told him romantic, but it's the reality.
588
Go ahead.
589
The reality is, do you know how many human beings on earth?
590
Yeah.
591
At that time, they were like 7 billion, 8 billion.
592
And I'm like, let's assume half of them are girls.
593
Half of them are females.
594
You want to tell me, is that the end of your life?
595
Yeah.
596
And what happened is she was using his interest as a child in her to be her friend to tease him.
597
Like, okay, I don't want to talk to you.
598
I want to talk to him.
599
I just dumped you as a friend.
600
So that's a manipulative personality there.
601
Yeah.
602
And I'm like, no, you don't do that.
603
What this person has done is just made you feel bad about yourself, the bride of your bride,
604
and if you allow this to happen, nothing but negativity will come.
605
I agree.
606
Yeah. But I think also...
607
No, go ahead.
608
You go, continue.
609
No, no, go ahead.
610
And my, my is like, you go, you go tomorrow and you act like nothing happened.
611
And you really take it out of your mind.
612
You just go and talk to your other friends and act like normal.
613
And it took him three days to come and tell me that she wants to come and play back with me.
614
And I said, no, you don't.
615
Because you don't allow people to flip you.
616
Yeah, I agree.
617
I agree.
618
So like this, now at his age, he says that his friends,
619
girls and boys, find him quite unique because he knows how to deal with them in a good way.
620
And you don't get your child that mature if you don't teach them the basics from childhood.
621
I agree one of the most important things is how people affect your life when they get into it.
622
Yeah, I agree.
623
But also assume some responsibility for how people affect your life when they get into it.
624
Yeah, it's a combination.
625
Things don't just happen to happen to you.
626
You see, if you, because some of the worst personalities I saw that keep on,
627
and they end up having the same scenario with anybody who comes into their lives.
628
Yep.
629
And they will blame the other person.
630
Always.
631
Yeah.
632
But those are left for their means because they have zero self-awareness.
633
And they are...
634
By the way, Zemo and I were talking the other day, and he always says, like, your dad raised this this way, your dad...
635
He's like, we like this because of your dad.
636
And now with you saying, like, go to school and act like nothing happened, that's literally my MO, is that if someone bothers me or upsets me, I will act like they don't exist.
637
It's my number one thing to do is pretend that nothing's happening.
638
Exactly.
639
What would you get from overindulging?
640
When they walk into the room, I've said it a million times.
641
What would you get?
642
Haram, bless them.
643
From overindulgence in your own reactions and in your own pain at the moment.
644
And I'm not saying don't feel pain, feel it.
645
No, fuck that.
646
Excuse my French, but no. I get what you're saying.
647
Yes, but to a certain extent.
648
Because I get it, like, oh, your feelings are valid, feel your feelings, but to a certain extent, because I think some feelings are just not realistic.
649
Not realistic.
650
Just because your head says they are doesn't make it true.
651
But if they come, that's fine, but don't surrender to them.
652
Yeah.
653
Don't validate them.
654
But also just about the, also assume some responsibility for how people who've entered your life affected you.
655
I think this is for the girly pops, Daddy, because it's been a while since we've spoken to the girly pops.
656
But don't put a crown to a clown and expect a king
657
That's a good one Because it's true You choose who has not chosen you
658
You chase who is not chasing you He has shown no inclination to choosing you, wanting you, wanting to love you, provide for you Talk to you,
659
share life with you None whatsoever
660
And you go and you take all your dreams and ambitions and potential And you put it on his head
661
and then you wonder why you're so disappointed.
662
That's you trapped.
663
Yeah, because you've put a crown on a clown.
664
That's your trap.
665
Your self-created trap.
666
A hundred percent.
667
A hundred percent.
668
Yeah, I know.
669
It just, I've noticed it.
670
There's this projection of what you want and what you like.
671
Not that I haven't fallen victim to it.
672
I have done this myself many a time.
673
But you want something so badly That you'll make the shoe fit on the first person who comes along No,
674
it wouldn't It wouldn't It wouldn't And you're forcing something
675
that cannot be forced It's the equivalent of
676
If God has written something for you You could run to the ends of the earth
677
And it will come to your doorstep But
678
if Allah has not written it for you No matter how
679
far you chase it No matter how much you want it It's just not yours It will run even further
680
and further away from you Not only that, the rare exception where you finally get your hands on something
681
that wasn't meant for you It is a greater punishment than the pain you're feeling of not having it
682
Our mission is to seek God's destiny with dignity Yeah,
683
it means being open to receiving whatever your destiny is Exactly You don't dictate what it is
684
and go after it with a fork and knife But we have to seek it with dignity
685
But I think seeking it is the same way It means you do your part with all the faith in the world.
686
That every step you're taking is just getting you to where you need to get.
687
And every detour is just alignment.
688
And always examining what you do.
689
And always check on how right it is.
690
And how does it tally with the totality of the righteousness that you're supposed to be in?
691
Yeah.
692
Alhamdulillah.
693
Yay.
694
Clock it Do it
695
Yeah Okay I think we can wrap it up This was a good episode Allah yehfadzik ya omni
696
Allah yehfadzik Say tomorrow inshallah Oh yeah I'm kind of sleeping
697
I'm bringing Natalie You haven't met Nat from my team No I did not You're meeting Sabrina today
698
And not tomorrow I'm always cautious Of introducing my parents to people
699
And I'm Because the second You guys have met other people in my life.
700
They're gone now, as y'all can see.
701
No one's here anymore.
702
But I love Sabrina and Nat, so I think we will be just fine.
703
SubhanAllah.
704
I had this very strong thing when I meet people around you.
705
It happened always.
706
And I could tell.
707
SubhanAllah.
708
Yeah.
709
Yeah.
710
Alright.
711
Thank you so much for today.
712
I'll see you tomorrow.
713
Can we cook?
714
Not today.
715
Today we're going to eat seafood.
716
because there's a lobster daddy.
717
It just has your name written all over it.
718
Alhamdulillah.
719
I would love that.
720
But can we cook in Rasul Khaymat?
721
Inshallah.
722
All right.
723
Thank you so much, daddy, for doing this with me.
724
I love you so much.
725
As-salamu alaykum.
726
As-salamu alaykum.
727
As-salamu alaykum.
728
Afiyan alaykum.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 728 sentences and 6787 words to shadow. The speech runs for 45:08. The speaker talks at a natural 150 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| sadness noun | /ˈsædnəs/ | The state or emotion of being sad. |
| romantic adjective | /ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/ | Fantastic, unrealistic (of an idea etc.); fanciful, sentimental, impractical (of a person). |
| daddy noun | /ˈdædi/ | Also used as a term of address: a father; one's father. |
| clock noun | /klɑk/ | A chronometer, an instrument that measures time, particularly the time of day. |
| comfort noun | /ˈkʌm.fət/ | Contentment, ease. |
| friendship noun | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | The condition of being friends. |
| physically adverb | /ˈfɪz.ɪ.kli/ | In a physical manner. |
| scenario noun | /sɪˈnɛəɹioʊ/ | An outline or model of an expected or supposed sequence of events. |
| react verb | /ɹiːˈækt/ | To act in response. |
| initiate verb | /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/ | To begin; to start. |
| cloud noun | /ˈklaʊ̯d/ | A visible mass of water droplets suspended in the air. |
| chase verb | /t͡ʃeɪs/ | To follow at speed. |
| remind verb | /ɹəˈmaɪnd/ | To cause one to experience a memory (of someone or something); to bring to the notice or consideration (of a person). |
| salary noun | /ˈsæləɹi/ | A fixed amount of money paid to a worker, usually calculated on a monthly or annual basis, not hourly, as wages. Implies a degree of professionalism and/or… |
| trap noun | /tɹæp/ | A machine or other device designed to catch (and sometimes kill) animals, either by holding them in a container, or by catching hold of part of the body. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. | |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| look back verb | To think of (past events) in retrospect (in hindsight). | |
| get up verb | To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb. | |
| go ahead verb | /ˌɡoʊ əˈhɛd/ | To proceed with; to begin. |
| give away verb | To make a gift of (something). | |
| move forward verb | To cause to make progress. | |
| come along verb | To accompany. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | that's been echoing · I've been doing · you've been praying |
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if it fails, it will fail |
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to pray · used to initiate |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | It's been · I've lost · have been overbambered |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 178 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, I'm, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: bath /bɑːθ/, breathe /bɹiːð/, ethics /ˈɛθ.ɪks/, algorithm /ˈælɡəɹɪðm̩/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, shortly /ˈʃɔɹtli/, shock /ʃɔk/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, elaborate /ɪˈlæb.ə.ɹeɪt/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like sadness, romantic, daddy.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.