Практика Shadowing: Peter gets a Pitching Machine - FAMILY GUY S20E07 - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube
B2
Hi, I'm a 15 year old wild card.
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Hi, I'm a 15 year old wild card.
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Well, let's get your gun already
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That's my new pitching machine Lois and look it can turn our car into a silly tank watch me nail Cleveland
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All right Chris time for your old man to teach you how to swing a bet
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But I've been playing Little League since I was seven.
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Oh, that's all right.
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After all, this is about father-son bonding and not about hitting you in the nuts to get on America's Funniest Home Videos.
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Wait, why are you pointing the pitching machine at my crotch?
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Hey!
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Come on, Chris.
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You and me up there at AFV in boxy six-button suits.
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The kings of 1991, just for one night.
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Or will it be Two Balls, One Strike?
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Submitted by Peter Griffin of Quahog, Rhode Island.
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And the winner is...
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Fainting Groom, sent in by Kevin and Lisa Tarzinski of Berkeley, Michigan.
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But it turns out the real Dianetics was the frenzy made along the way.
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Uh-oh.
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Stand back.
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The pitching machine is the only plumber we'll need.
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It was Meredith, your old nanny.
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Meredith?
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Oh, I loved that woman.
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I was so sad when she quit.
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Wow, Lois, you were lucky to have a nanny.
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My mom just left me with a radio possessed by the former owner of our home.
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Can I have a snack?
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You're sitting where I died.
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Why are you even going, Daddy?
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People always want the richest person they ever worked for to attend their funeral.
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They'll be like, oh my God, a rich person.
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I guess it's okay he's talking on his phone.
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Kids?
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They're staying, but they love funerals.
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Peter, enough.
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Daddy, I'm coming with you.
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Fine.
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Ass, gas, or grass?
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No one rides free.
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I guess gas?
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That's what all the prudes say.
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Did you know this house is so large there's a 12-second echo?
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What are you talking about?
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The acoustics are such that it takes the human voice 12 seconds to bounce back as an echo.
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That's ridiculous.
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Not even the Grand Canyon has a...
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You know this house is so large, there's a 12-second echo?
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Ridiculous, huh?
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Okay, I'm hearing it now.
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Well, next time maybe don't doubt me
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when I tell you the acoustics are such that it takes 12 seconds for the human voice to travel.
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I think we should hang some blankets in the hallway.
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Ridiculous, huh?
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Okay, I'm hearing it now.
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Guys, I had a great idea.
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That's weird.
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That fart was from yesterday.
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Great idea, Peter!
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Listen, I was thinking, what if we make some extra cash by turning this place into a hotel?
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Great idea, Peter.
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Awesome.
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We're all in.
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
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I have to go apologize to the hotel towels for what's about to happen to him.
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Men, tonight you will have one last night of peace.
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I won't lie to you.
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A hotel guest has no regard for your life.
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That means some of you will not be coming back.
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Those who do will never be one color again.
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Now, here are your assignments.
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Anderson, your late-night vomit.
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Russell, you'll be in the ladies' room.
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Ooh!
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All right, knock it off, at ease.
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Edwards, you're gonna be folded into a monkey at the foot of the bed and then on.
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Look at Edwards, he's into it.
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Ooh!
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At ease!
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Well, it'll be nice to have a little road trip together.
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Yeah, we never had a lot of daddy-daughter time when I was young.
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You were always so busy.
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Not now, kitten.
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Lois, what's wrong?
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All the kids at school said I'm mad TV funny and not SNL funny.
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Oh, Lois, kids can be so mean.
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Have you ever heard the story of the ugly duckling?
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No. Well, there once was a young duckling who had a hard time fitting in,
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just like you.
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And one day, that duckling went off to college and created a website to rate women.
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Then he made $100 billion and mined user data to rig an election.
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Wow, so am I also gonna be a billionaire making websites?
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No, but you'll use his site to post pictures of wine and passive-aggressively body shame other moms.
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All right, for this hotel operation to work,
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we all gotta pull our weight around here.
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Chris, you'll be the affable but dim bellhop.
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When you say help those people with their bags, I'll ask how high?
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Brian, you'll tend the bar and dole out snappy tidbits of advice.
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All right, stop by Brian's bar for some drinks, thinks, and winks.
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We can pitch on it.
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Meg, you'll handle all the dishwashing,
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floor scrubbing, laundry, and anything else that involves breathing in chemicals.
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And I'll be the concierge,
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astutely learning everything there is to know about our guests.
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That will be my one task.
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Well, that and looking out for Dunstans.
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What?
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Dunstans.
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They'll check in.
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They'll check right in.
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Ah, and here come our guests now.
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First to arrive is Tom Tucker,
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here to celebrate the anniversary of his divorce with his annual bender.
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Dr. Hardman and his overbearing mother, they never travel apart.
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If he could just meet the right woman,
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he'd find the independence he needs.
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Ah, Principal Shepard, newly single,
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lost half the school in the divorce.
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The librarian.
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Never married.
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Adult Disney woman.
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First kiss was with a boy at theater camp who would
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one day get beaten up by David Hyde Pierce for being too fancy.
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I say, Brian, do you know what these guests need?
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First to arrive is Tom Tucker,
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here to celebrate the anniversary of his divorce.
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Damn it.
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I guess the blanket fell down.
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Well, I've got 12 seconds.
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What these guests need is someone to arrange a little romance in their lives.
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And I'm the perfect man for the job.
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After all, I do all of Kevin Spacey's matchmaking.
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so you're not interested in having sex with Kevin Spacey.
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Oh, good.
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Kevin's going to love that.
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Hey, you know anything about podcasts?
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I've been getting into podcasts.
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That's great.
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I love podcasts.
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Which ones are you listening to?
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I really like this one called Cereal.
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That was Corn Flakes.
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Or was it?
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The answer at the bottom of the bowl isn't always what you expect.
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I'm Sarah Koenig, and this...
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is cereal.
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Dad, Dad, I think I mixed up Mayor West's bag with Bruce and Jeffries.
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Leather chaps, saddle, bullwhip, rope,
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sheriff's badges, saddle bags, saddle soap, fancy boots.
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Yep, this is mine.
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Oh, these are going to go straight to my thighs.
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Now, if only I could find a man to do the same.
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Ooh, we're sure a little...
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It's our little try.
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Okay, remain calm.
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I've done this before.
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Stop, drop, and roll.
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No, wait, no, wait.
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I know this.
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Okay, remember your medical training.
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If a patient chokes on food,
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do the tummy squeezy move.
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Yeah, that's it.
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You saved my life.
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How can I ever repay you?
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Money?
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May I have your attention, please?
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I believe you dropped this.
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The blueberries are still intact.
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Shame to let something so sweet go to waste.
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Oh, thank you, sir.
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Uh-oh, Brian.
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Looks like we've got a love triangle on our hands.
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I'll treasure this forever.
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Well, don't wait too long.
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It'll liquefy from the enzymes in your saliva.
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Okay, last load.
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Chris, will you help me fold these sheets?
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Sure, sounds easy.
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They're fitted.
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I'm Lois.
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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Meredith was my nanny a long time ago.
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Oh, is that right?
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Oh, well, that's so nice of you to make the trip.
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You see, Meredith, dark, darkness, darkness.
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Just ride it out.
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And we're back.
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Meredith loved her time as a nanny.
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It's a shame she had to give it up after the affair.
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Affair?
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I know.
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We try not to talk about it.
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Some rich guy in Rhode Island.
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They were seeing each other,
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but then his wife found out and forced him to fire her.
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So that's what happened.
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Tragic, isn't it?
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She had nowhere to go,
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so she came back here to our childhood home of three states away.
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I don't believe it.
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I don't believe the Earth is round, so that's me.
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Oh, excuse me.
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The funeral director is here.
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I'm trying to avoid paying him.
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Daddy and Meredith had an affair.
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That's why she left me.
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Oh, this is horrible.
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I have to call my husband.
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Pewter Schmidt Hotel, don't tell Lois.
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Peter?
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I'll transfer you.
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The spot Pewter Schmidt Hotel, don't tell Mom.
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Chris?
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I'll transfer you.
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Pewter Schmidt Hotel Laundry.
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Meg?
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Mom?
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Yeah, I'll transfer you.
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Daddy, you had an affair with Meredith?
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How could you?
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Lois, honey, you don't understand.
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The horn part in Sousudio gave your mother a headache that lasted five years.
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What was I supposed to do?
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Yeah, I don't want to hear it.
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Do you have any idea what that woman meant to me?
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While you were off working or golfing or God knows what,
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she was at my piano recitals or teaching me how to tie my shoes.
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She was the only person in that house who was really there for me,
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and you took her away.
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Well, what was I supposed to tell you?
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How many Viagras and what position?
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Six, and something I call the old pocket knife.
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Evening.
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I'm looking forward to the doctor being in.
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Oh!
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Hello there.
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Maybe I could see you between periods?
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Oh!
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Looks like you've got your hands full.
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You're telling me?
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I just don't know what to do.
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Well, who do you think I should choose?
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Well, if it were me in this situation,
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I'd just go along for the ride and see what happens.
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That's it?
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That's your advice?
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Well, it's just what I...
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You know, I'm trying to take some agency in my life,
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and you're over here telling me to just see what happens.
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That's not helpful.
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Threesome?
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Excuse me?
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Not with me.
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With me?
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Before we begin our service,
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I'd like to remind everyone that I became a priest after my divorce.
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So, yes, I have had intercourse.
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And now a reading from Paul's letter to the Corinthians.
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Dear Corinthians, camp is good.
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Yesterday we had hot dogs.
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Please send strawberry big league chew,
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but wrap it in a towel because we're not allowed to have it.
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Amen.
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Amen.
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Oh, my.
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This may be one of my ocular migraines talking, but I see fireworks.
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Can I ask, is that licorice on your breath,
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or is that just my licorice breath bouncing out of your mouth?
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Why don't you get in here and find out?
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Hmm.
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Hi, everybody.
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I'm your karaoke host, Peter Griffin.
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I will be up here far too many times tonight.
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Just a quick reminder to all of you that even though we haven't started yet,
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there's already an hour and 45-minute wait.
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So go ahead and write down a song you want to sing,
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hand it to me, and I will let 15 musical theater people go before you.
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Remember, no repeats.
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We want to give everybody a chance to sing,
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although there will be the same rotation of five people up here over and over doing duets.
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All right, who's ready for me to kick things off and then go third and sixth?
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