ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Ricky Gervais Explains The BIG Problem With Noah's Ark | Out Of England

37,000 different species of spider.

I mean, millions and billions of individuals in each species.

And that's just one class, arachnid, of one phylum, arthropoda.

There could be 5 million species of animal alive now on the Earth.

Best guess, okay?

And that's 1% of all animal species that have ever existed.

99% of all animal species that ever existed are now extinct and that remaining 1% is 5 million strong.

Take one of those species, termites.

If we were to weigh every termite alive now, it would be 10 times the tonnage of every human being on Earth.

And it's statistics like that that make me think that this book isn't totally accurate.

It's the Book of Noah.

The children's edition.

I actually got this awarded to me when I used to go to Sunday School every week.

I believed in all this till I was eight.

St. Agnes Sunday School presented to Ricky Gervais.

R-I-K-K-I.

Like a fucking mongoose.

Right? For regular attendance.

Not even for being good at anything, just for turning up.

Right?

He's always here, give him a prize, he'll be back.

Thank you.

Let's have a look at the evidence.

Long, long ago, when God first made the earth...

I'll let both those points go, we haven't got time.

Right.

Long, long ago, by the way, according to the Bible, is 5,000 years.

According to the Old Testament, the Earth is no older than 5,000 years old, okay?

It's actually 4.6 billion years old.

Let's pop that in.

4.6 billion years ago, when God first made the Earth and sky, alright, don't big it up,

it's like, it comes as a package, really, doesn't it?

I mean, do you know what I mean?

The sky was never an optional extra.

It's like, made you a planet, I can't breathe.

Would you like an atmosphere?

Of course I fucking would.

So, well done, but...

Everything was peaceful, everything beautiful.

God made human beings too, and he wanted them to be good like himself.

Arrogant.

But very soon they wanted their own way.

They would not listen to God.

They became wicked and did wicked things.

Look at them doing wicked things there.

You don't get much more wicked than that, do you?

Fuck off, oh fuck off wicked!

Fuck off wicked!

God just looking on, oh carry on, see what happens, see what happens, oh see what happens, yeah.

Oh see what happens.

Bloke there running off with a big bag of money.

Don't put it in a bank you cunt.

God looked at them and said to himself, they are so wicked, I will have to wipe them off the face of the earth.

Really?

Straight to genocide?

What happened to one verbal and two written warnings?

Straight to the annihilation of the entire human race because of fatty yellow trousers picked someone's nose?

Really?

Fuck.

Anger management, Matt just...

Calm the fuck down, let's...

Just chill, let's talk about this.

Wow.

I read that to Carl Pilkington, right, who is, yes.

Yes.

Head like a fucking orange, I know, yeah.

And I read that bit to him, they are so wicked I have to wipe my face to the earth.

And Carl said, he sounds gay.

I said, what do you mean?

He went, some gays are a bit like that.

He thought God was like having a hissy fit.

Like he's like, no, they treat me like a bastard, I'm gonna treat them like a bastard, I'm gonna show them, I'm gonna wipe them out.

I said, Carl, God is not gay, okay?

Read the Bible, he hates them.

They are so wicked, I would have to wipe them off the face of the earth.

And every living thing with them.

What's the squid ever done?

Red God has gone mad.

What?

But he's not gay.

God is not gay.

But there was one man who was still very good.

His name was Noah.

He was a friend of God.

Just a friend, so don't know.

Just a friend.

A friend with big, hooped earrings.

Rouge.

What's he doing?

He lives in a cave.

What's he doing with this?

What...

What are you doing?

Seeing God.

You never know.

Handlebar mustache.

100

Holding God's hand.

101

Who's wearing a blouse?

102

God is not gay.

103

God said to Noah, I am so angry with men.

104

You mean men and women?

105

Whatever.

106

I am so angry with men that I have made my mind up to destroy them all.

107

I have stretched my bow in the sky.

108

It is a rainbow.

109

That's got to be the world's first pun, hasn't it?

110

It will make so much rain pour down on Earth that everything will be drowned, but not you.

111

I want you to build an ark.

112

It must be like a big boat with three decks and a roof over it.

113

Yeah, I know how to build a boat, mate.

114

And you will make a door in the side of it.

115

Do you think I'm a complete idiot?

116

Noah did exactly what God told him.

117

And then God said to Noah, now, okay, okay, now this is aimed at children, admittedly, but it's taken from the Old Testament story in the Bible,

118

but I don't think the author of this book is a zoologist.

119

As we've said, there could be five million species of animal.

120

I don't think he knows them all the way he backs out very quickly in this next sentence, okay?

121

I want you to take two of every kind of animal with you into the ark.

122

Two lions, two tigers, two elephants, and so on.

123

What?

124

I've got lions, tigers, elephants.. so on. On you go.

125

Look after them well and keep them alive.

126

And Noah did what God said.

127

Now, I wanted to study that scenario.

128

Okay, so, God is angry with mankind.

129

He's fed up with them, they're wicked, right?

130

He's gonna wipe them out and just start again with Noah and his wife.

131

He's angry with the animals too, for some reason.

132

I don't...

133

So he's gonna start again with just two of each species.

134

He calls a flood, they build an ark.

135

Noah goes, right, two of every species.

136

Two, just two, right, quick, first two.

137

There's a stampede.

138

Two elephants.

139

Two toucans.

140

Just walking.

141

There's no rush.

142

Just drooling, baby.

143

I think this one is a bit more concerned than this one.

144

This one's probably going, should we fly?

145

Nah...

146

No?

147

Nah...

148

I could do this all night.

149

No?

150

Nah...

151

Sure?

152

Yeah...

153

I mean, we've got wings.

154

We've got feet as well.

155

Why don't you want to push in?

156

That elephant's looking at me funny.

157

Make me funny?

158

Yeah.

159

I fucking am.

160

If you try and push in, I'm gonna stamp on you, you.. you big-nosed twat.

161

Hold on, who are you calling big-nosed?

162

What do you mean?

163

No, just pot calling kettle black.

164

What the fuck does that mean?

165

Well, you know, if a pot's black, I'll forget it.

166

I can't forget it, I'm a fucking elephant.

167

Oh, two camels, two lions, two ostriches, two leopards, two tigers, two zebra.

168

Ah, here's the crux of my point.

169

Just one species on the ark at the moment, the giraffes.

170

They got their first longer legs, okay?

171

Five million more species to get on there.

172

So two of it.

173

So two animals on the ark at the moment, 10 million more animals to go.

174

10 million more of those, okay?

175

10 million, okay?

176

As far as...

177

10 million of them to get on there.

178

Just two on there at the moment.

179

Look how much room they're already taking up.

180

It's at a third capacity.

181

What's it going to be like on there when these two fat cunts get on?

182

Then God bent the barb of his anger and the rain came flooding down, covering the earth with water.

183

It rained for 40 days and nights.

184

The flood water rose higher and higher until it covered the tops of the highest mountains.

185

Every living thing was drowned except Noah and the animals in the ark.

186

And the fish.

187

They were fine, weren't they?

188

They were fine.

189

They were loving it.

190

They were better off.

191

In fact, all the sea creatures.

192

I mean, mountains underwater, their domain had increased like tenfold.

193

Also, it's so much more interesting.

194

You've got crabs going, I'm on a fucking mountain!

195

This is amazing!

196

I never want this flood to...

197

I've never been up here before.

198

I think of that when you see on the news, like if there's a little village in Gloucester flooded or something.

199

It's really sad to see people, they've lost their homes, and they're in dinghies, and they're carrying their pets.

200

And you see a little row of antique shops completely underwater.

201

And I think of a fish just looking in the window of that antique shop for the first time.

202

So that's a chaise longue.

203

For a hundred and fifty days the earth was covered with water.

204

Then Noah opened the window of the ark and looked out.

205

The water seemed to be going down, but how could he be sure?

206

Well, ask God, you've been chatting to him all the way through.

207

Why are we...

208

Why are we getting cryptic all of a sudden?

209

He sent a raven out, but it soon came flying back.

210

It could find nowhere to settle.

211

Noah waited another week, and he sent out a dove.

212

Why did the raven lose his job?

213

But the dove came back too.

214

See, the raven wasn't bullshitting.

215

This is...

216

There was still no dry land anywhere.

217

But one day the dove flew out and...

218

Why did the dove get a second go and not the raven?

219

Racist!

220

But one day the dove flew out and brought back a green olive branch

221

and no one knew that God was no longer angry.

222

Then God told Noah to let the animals out of the ark.

223

They must once more fill the earth with living things.

224

The first thing Noah did was to build an altar.

225

He offered a sacrifice to God to thank Him for saving them.

226

And Noah said, I will make a pact of friendship with you.

227

I will never again send a flood to destroy the earth.

228

The rainbow which I put in the sky will no longer be a sign of my anger, but a sign of peace.

229

It will be a sign of my friendship with men.

230

That is how it is.

231

That is how it is used today.

232

They took it literally.

233

It will be a sign of my friendship with men, which begins today, and which my son Jesus will one day prove by shedding his blood for men. Who?

234

Your sea.

235

There wasn't a teaser campaign in the Old Testament.

236

Coming soon, the sequel.

237

And so when you've done wrong, and you're feeling very sad about it, think of the rainbow, and the peace which God wants to put into your heart.

238

He has promised to be your friend, promised to be his, and that's just one of 12 in the Dove Book series.

239

I've only got one, number nine now, although I think my favourite would be number eight just from the title, Jesus and the Cripple.

240

Thank you, cheers.

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ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Ricky Gervais Explains The BIG Problem With Noah's Ark | Out Of England

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