Shadowing Practice: The Day You Realize No One Cares About You… Everything Changes - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Today, we're going to be talking about one of the most freeing realizations that you can have as a human being.
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And that realization is nobody cares about you.
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And I understand it sounds depressing, but you're really going to realize after today's episode,
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it is the biggest relief in the world because most people are walking around trapped inside invisible prisons.
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And I don't mean like a real prison.
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I mean a psychological prison,
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a prison that's made up of imagined judgment and imagined criticism and imagined embarrassment and imagined rejection.
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And, you know, people don't follow their dreams or they don't start a business because they think, what if people think that I fail?
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What if they think I'm a failure or they they don't post on social media because they think like, what if people judge me or they don't speak up at a meeting
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because they like what they think what if what
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if i sound stupid you know they don't wear what they want they don't dance the way
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that they want to they don't love the way
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that they want to they don't create art the way
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that they want to why because they think that everybody is watching
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when truth is nobody is paying attention to you
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because every single other person is too busy obsessing over themselves
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so you're worried about people judging you meanwhile they are worried about people judging them
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and this is one of the craziest paradoxes about being a human.
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We are all starring in our own psychological movie and everybody else is just an extra in the background.
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But that means that everybody else is starring in their own psychological movie and they're not paying attention to you.
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You know, there's a quote that David Foster Wallace once said, he says, you'll stop worrying what other people think about you when you realize how seldom they actually do.
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And I swear, if you truly understand this your life will change
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because what most people think is like a lack of confidence
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is just hyper awareness hyper consciousness of themselves it's this chronic
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self -monitoring it's walking through life acting like there's a spotlight pointed at you
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and so let's dive into
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because i really want to help you free yourself from this judgment in other people's opinions
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and worrying about what other people are thinking for okay so neurologically there is a reason why we do this.
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If we go deep into this for a second, your nervous system wasn't designed for this modern life.
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Your nervous system was created for tribes 10 ,000 years ago.
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If your tribe rejected you, you died.
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Literally, you could not survive without your tribe.
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So if the tribe thought that you were dangerous or weird or lazy or unstable or just not useful, you could be cast out of the tribe.
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And if you were cast out, that means no protection, no food, no shelter, no reproduction it meant death.
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So your brain evolved to constantly scan for social threats.
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And that's why your stomach will drop when somebody unfollows you.
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Or it's why criticism can ruin your entire day.
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It's why speaking in front of other people can feel terrifying.
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Is your brain interprets social rejection as danger.
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And this is neurologically true.
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Research from UCLA discovered that social rejection activates the same regions in the brain as physical pain.
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Specifically, it is your dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and your anterior insula,
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meaning your brain literally processes social rejection the same way that it does physical pain.
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And we will be right back.
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There's still enough time left in this year for you to make real progress.
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So go to finish2026strong .com.
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You can hit that QR code right there, or you can click the link down below in the description, and I'll see you live on the challenge.
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And now, back to the show.
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And that's like insane when you actually think about it.
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Your body reacts to humiliation almost the same as physical injury, which explains why embarrassment is terrifying,
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why shame feels crushing for you why judgment is something
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that we fear so much your nervous system doesn't know the difference between I might die
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and people might not approve of me
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because it thinks like it's 10 ,000 years ago
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which is people might not approve of me
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so I will die that's what it thinks and
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so once you understand that you can honestly give yourself some grace be in
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and stop making yourself feel like a POS because you're feeling some sort of fear around people.
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Like your fear, it isn't weakness.
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Your fear is ancient programming.
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It is natural.
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But here's the problem.
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Your brain evolved for tribes of 150 people or less.
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Not social media, not millions of strangers, not comment sections.
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Your nervous system is trying to survive a world that it was not designed for.
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And so psychologists actually have a name for this.
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It's called the spotlight effect.
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Human beings dramatically overestimate how much other people notice them.
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Like, oh, womp, womp, right?
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There was a famous study at Cornell University where participants were
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forced to wear an embarrassing Barry Manilow t -shirt into a room full of people.
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And the participants, they thought that at least 50 % of people or more would notice the shirt.
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But in reality, only about 20 % of them notice.
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And that's because everybody else was too busy thinking about themselves to even notice the shirt that someone else is wearing.
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That's the whole game, everybody.
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Do you get it?
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You think everybody notices your awkwardness, your weight gain, your bad skin,
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your nervousness, your weird comment, your failure, your insecurity.
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But meanwhile, everybody else is internally screaming to themselves, do they notice my flaws?
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And so people are obsessed with themselves.
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And when I say people are obsessed with themselves, I don't necessarily mean like everybody is a narcissist in the clinical sense.
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I mean, psychologically, everyone has some narcissistic tendencies.
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Everyone is always subconsciously thinking, how am I being perceived?
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And so your subconscious monitors your status in a group, approval of other people, comparison of you to other people,
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your safety, your identity, your belonging.
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And the funny thing about all of this is the people
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you're afraid are judging you are usually just as insecure as you are.
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And they're not even noticing you.
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And so like once you really get this like deep into your bones, you realize I can do whatever the fuck I want, right?
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Like you really can.
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Like I can actually live.
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I can be free.
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I can post that thing.
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I can create that business.
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I can dance like an idiot in the streets.
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I can speak up.
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I can fail publicly in front of everybody.
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I can try things.
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I can look stupid.
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I can be a beginner.
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And guess what?
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The world keeps spinning.
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Why?
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Because nobody is paying attention to you.
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Nobody cares nearly as much as you think that they do.
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And so here's what's wild.
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When you actually look at this, you're not actually suffering from other people's judgment of you.
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You suffer from anticipation of judgment.
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Your imagination is torturing you way more than reality ever actually does because your brain creates simulations constantly.
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You know, what if, what if I embarrass myself?
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What if they reject me?
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What if I, what if I fail in front of other people?
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What if people think that I'm cringe?
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What if, what if I give people the ick, right?
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And your body, because you're creating these, these fictitious scenarios in your mind, your body reacts as if it's happening right now.
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And this is when you start overthinking everything because, you know, overthinking is exhausting.
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Your nervous system, it can't actually distinguish between something that is vividly imagined in your mind
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and actual like real danger in reality.
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And so that's why your heart races before you have a difficult conversation.
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It's not the difficult time of conversation, it's your anticipation of what you think is gonna happen after the difficult conversation.
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You know, it's why public speaking feels terrifying before it ever happens.
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Because public speaking, when you're sitting there in the green room before you ever talk in front of anybody and your heart is racing,
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it's because you're rehearsing the failure in what could possibly happen and then what you'll think of yourself if that happens.
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Your body is responding to imagined social pain.
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So then what is the actual real problem here?
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Well you know what I think is one of the biggest problems
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and causes the most suffering right now for people especially with
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social media is excessive self awareness not like healthy awareness like
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obsessive self -monitoring like constantly thinking like how do i sound do i look weird like do people think
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that i'm awkward do these people like me what if
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that thing that i said was stupid like should i have said
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that differently and you cannot be free mentally
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if you're constantly observing yourself like that and in picking apart every single thing
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that you're doing like think about the moments in your life
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where you have felt the most alive like the most free like you're like laughing uncontrollably with friends
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or you're.. you're dancing or you're playing sports
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or you're creating some sort of art in some sort of way
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or you're singing in the car like you're just fully immersed in those things why did those moments feel
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so amazing for you
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because for a few seconds you disappeared the self -monitoring stopped for a little
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while your ego dissolved you kind of like entered a little bit of a flow state and so
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if that's the case how do we free ourselves how do we get out of this this constant monitoring over
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and over again and in creating this suffering
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when we don't really need to how do we free ourselves the first thing
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that you need to do is realize
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that people are mirrors not magnifying glasses like most people interpret you through themselves
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so if someone judges you too harshly it usually says more about their inner world than it says about you
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because people do not see reality.
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They project their mind onto reality and only see what their mind projects.
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So an insecure person might project arrogance and they might see you as arrogant.
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A fearful person might see risk.
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A wounded person might see threats everywhere.
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And so most reactions are just projections.
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So realize that most of the time, what other people think about you actually has nothing to do with you in the first place.
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That's crazy.
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So if that's the case, that brings us to number two.
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Number two is if that's the case, stop trying to control perception.
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So number two is stop trying to control perception.
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This is huge.
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you could be the best person on earth kind intelligent genuine loving thoughtful
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and somebody will still misunderstand you that's life you will never be everyone's cup of tea
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trying to control everyone's perception of you is absolutely insane goes back to this quote i always think about
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which is i'd rather be a wolf that doesn't fit in than a donkey that everybody rides.
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And if you're trying to fit in with everybody, you're just trying to be a donkey that everybody rides.
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Okay, so that's number two.
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Stop trying to control perception.
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Number three is become willing to be embarrassed.
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One of the biggest growth hacks in existence is this.
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Your freedom is directly tied to your willingness to tolerate temporary discomfort.
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If you want confidence, embarrass yourself more often.
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Seriously, like I'm not kidding.
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Confidence is not, hmm, I know nobody will judge me.
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That's not what it is.
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Confidence is even if people judge me, I don't care because I like myself.
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Like I remember when I was in my 20s, one of the things that freed me the most from other people's perceptions was my friends and I,
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we used to challenge each other to act as dumb as possible in public as we could like stupid things
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but completely harmless right it's just like what 20 year old guys do
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and once you do it a few times you stop caring what other people think in your entire life
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because most people
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when you do something stupid in public most people don't even notice you in the first place
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and the ones that do forget about you in 30 seconds and they'll never see you again.
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And so you realize, oh my God, like I am, I am like in a straight jacket of how I think I'm supposed to act
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and how I'm supposed to be and who I'm supposed to, what I'm supposed to do and what's correct and what's polite.
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And we're just like fucking robots walking through life, being what we think we're supposed to be versus being fully authentically ourself.
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And so that brings me to number four, practice being seen.
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This is like nervous system exposure therapy
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because too many people don't like being seen because of the childhood that they had, right?
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You've got to practice being seen.
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You've got to post the video.
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You've got to say the thing.
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You've got to wear the outfit that you want to wear.
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You have to start the business.
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You have to speak publicly.
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Your nervous system learns through evidence. And
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so every time, especially for the type of person who learned like it's not safe to speak up in childhood
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and you're holding yourself back now or you're a people pleaser
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and all of the stuff like you're holding yourself back from being your true authentic self
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and your nervous system learns through evidence.
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And so every time you survive being seen and you don't die, your brain goes oh i didn't die it must not be
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that dangerous and if we can do that over and over and over again over time The fear of being seen, the fear of judgment, the fear of other people's opinions, weakens.
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That's neuroplasticity.
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Your brain changing itself over time.
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You know what?
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Like I think one of the saddest things in life is how many people die with a life unlived.
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Because psychologically, like they never allowed themselves to fully exist.
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They basically edited themselves into invisibility.
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Like it's like Jim Carrey has a quote that says, your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world.
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I don't want that for you because your life is too short to spend at just managing perception.
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If you look at the number one regret of the dying, according to the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying, the number one regret of the dying from a hospice nurse
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where people told them their regrets at the end of their lives was this, I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that others expected of me.
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One day, you're going to die.
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And on your deathbed, I promise you, you will not care what people thought about you.
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You won't care about that awkward post or your failed business
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or the weird thing that you said or the judgment of other people or the time that you were embarrassed.
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You'll care that you didn't fully live.
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You'll care about the risks that you didn't take
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because you are more worried about the judgment from other people who never noticed you anyways.
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like you'll care about how many moments fear stole from you and just
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so you know like the goal here isn't to become fearless
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maybe the goal is to finally become more devoted to your life than to other people's opinions
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and when you truly realize that nobody's watching you in the way
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that you think that they are you're free to do whatever the hell you want hey thanks
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so much for watching this video based off of what you have been watching recently youtube thinks
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that you should watch this video right here.
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It's perfectly crafted for you and your algorithm.
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And click that button right there.
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Make sure that you subscribe so you never miss another video.
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And I'll see you on the next one.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu konuşma dersi “The Day You Realize No One Cares About You… Everything Changes” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 238 cümle ve 2858 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 17:08 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 167 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %86’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| judgment isim | /ˈd͡ʒʌd͡ʒ.mənt/ | yargı, hüküm |
| monitor isim | /ˈmɑ.nɪ.tɚ/ | ekran |
| regret fiil | /ɹɪˈɡɹɛt/ | pişman olmak |
| awareness isim | /əˈwɛɹ.nəs/ | bilinç, bilinçlenme |
| psychological sıfat | /ˌsaɪ.kəˈlɑː.d͡ʒɪ.kl̩/ | psikolojik |
| insane sıfat | /ɪnˈseɪn/ | deli |
| awkward sıfat | /ˈɔk.wɚd/ | sakar, beceriksiz |
| publicly zarf | /ˈpʌb.lɪ.kli/ | alenen, açıkça |
| react fiil | /ɹiːˈækt/ | reaksiyon göstermek |
| invisible sıfat | /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/ | görünmez |
| approve fiil | /əˈpɹuːv/ | onaylamak |
| spotlight isim | /ˈspɒtˌlaɪt/ | spot lambası |
| participant isim | /pɑːɹˈtɪsəpənt/ | katılımcı, iştirakçı |
| anticipation isim | /ænˌtɪs.əˈpeɪ.ʃən/ | sezinleme |
| insecure sıfat | /ɪnsəˈkjʊɹ/ | emniyetsiz, güvensiz |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| check out fiil | gözden geçirmek |
| start over fiil | baştan başlamak |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- Do you get it?
- Everyone is always subconsciously thinking, how am I being perceived?
- You know, what if, what if I embarrass myself?
- What if they reject me?
- What if people think that I'm cringe?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | wasn't designed · was created · was not designed |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | have said · have felt |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | person who learned · people who never |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, don't, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 83 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “th” sesleri: authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/, algorithm /ˈælɡəɹɪðm̩/, thoughtful /ˈθɔːtfəl/, deathbed /ˈdɛθˌbɛd/
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, anticipation /ænˌtɪs.əˈpeɪ.ʃən/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, exposure /ɪkˈspəʊ.ʒə(ɹ)/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: psychological /ˌsaɪ.kəˈlɑː.d͡ʒɪ.kl̩/, invisible /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/, participant /pɑːɹˈtɪsəpənt/, embarrassment /ɪmˈbæɹ.əs.mənt/, anticipation /ænˌtɪs.əˈpeɪ.ʃən/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: awareness /əˈwɛɹ.nəs/, meanwhile /ˈmiːnwaɪl/, awkward /ˈɔk.wɚd/, wolf /wʊlf/, wound /ˈwund/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: spotlight /ˈspɒtˌlaɪt/, stomach /ˈstʌmək/, steal /stiːl/, spin /spɪn/, trap /tɹæp/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: react /ɹiːˈækt/, embarrassed /ɪmˈbæɹ.əst/, embarrassment /ɪmˈbæɹ.əs.mənt/, anticipation /ænˌtɪs.əˈpeɪ.ʃən/, anterior /ænˈtɪɹ.i.ɚ/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; judgment, monitor, regret gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.