Shadowing Practice: The Day You Realize No One Cares About You… Everything Changes - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
1
Today, we're going to be talking about one of the most freeing realizations that you can have as a human being.
2
And that realization is nobody cares about you.
3
And I understand it sounds depressing, but you're really going to realize after today's episode,
4
it is the biggest relief in the world because most people are walking around trapped inside invisible prisons.
5
And I don't mean like a real prison.
6
I mean a psychological prison,
7
a prison that's made up of imagined judgment and imagined criticism and imagined embarrassment and imagined rejection.
8
And, you know, people don't follow their dreams or they don't start a business because they think, what if people think that I fail?
9
What if they think I'm a failure or they they don't post on social media because they think like, what if people judge me or they don't speak up at a meeting
10
because they like what they think what if what
11
if i sound stupid you know they don't wear what they want they don't dance the way
12
that they want to they don't love the way
13
that they want to they don't create art the way
14
that they want to why because they think that everybody is watching
15
when truth is nobody is paying attention to you
16
because every single other person is too busy obsessing over themselves
17
so you're worried about people judging you meanwhile they are worried about people judging them
18
and this is one of the craziest paradoxes about being a human.
19
We are all starring in our own psychological movie and everybody else is just an extra in the background.
20
But that means that everybody else is starring in their own psychological movie and they're not paying attention to you.
21
You know, there's a quote that David Foster Wallace once said, he says, you'll stop worrying what other people think about you when you realize how seldom they actually do.
22
And I swear, if you truly understand this your life will change
23
because what most people think is like a lack of confidence
24
is just hyper awareness hyper consciousness of themselves it's this chronic
25
self -monitoring it's walking through life acting like there's a spotlight pointed at you
26
and so let's dive into
27
because i really want to help you free yourself from this judgment in other people's opinions
28
and worrying about what other people are thinking for okay so neurologically there is a reason why we do this.
29
If we go deep into this for a second, your nervous system wasn't designed for this modern life.
30
Your nervous system was created for tribes 10 ,000 years ago.
31
If your tribe rejected you, you died.
32
Literally, you could not survive without your tribe.
33
So if the tribe thought that you were dangerous or weird or lazy or unstable or just not useful, you could be cast out of the tribe.
34
And if you were cast out, that means no protection, no food, no shelter, no reproduction it meant death.
35
So your brain evolved to constantly scan for social threats.
36
And that's why your stomach will drop when somebody unfollows you.
37
Or it's why criticism can ruin your entire day.
38
It's why speaking in front of other people can feel terrifying.
39
Is your brain interprets social rejection as danger.
40
And this is neurologically true.
41
Research from UCLA discovered that social rejection activates the same regions in the brain as physical pain.
42
Specifically, it is your dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and your anterior insula,
43
meaning your brain literally processes social rejection the same way that it does physical pain.
44
And we will be right back.
45
Do you want to finish 2026 strong?
46
If so, then you need to be at my free three -day live challenge.
47
It's October 27th through the 29th, live with me.
48
Here's why.
49
Most people check out around this time of year.
50
They look at the goals that they set, they see how far off they are, and they tell themselves they'll start over again in January.
51
Don't do that.
52
There's still enough time left in this year for you to make real progress.
53
You just have to use it.
54
So I'm gonna teach you how to deprogram and reprogram your identity, how to take real action and stop procrastinating.
55
And at the end of this challenge, you're gonna have your own 60 -day roadmap for the rest of 2026, plus a workbook so you know exactly what you need to focus on next.
56
So go to finish2026strong .com.
57
You can hit that QR code right there, or you can click the link down below in the description, and I'll see you live on the challenge.
58
And now, back to the show.
59
And that's like insane when you actually think about it.
60
Your body reacts to humiliation almost the same as physical injury, which explains why embarrassment is terrifying,
61
why shame feels crushing for you why judgment is something
62
that we fear so much your nervous system doesn't know the difference between I might die
63
and people might not approve of me
64
because it thinks like it's 10 ,000 years ago
65
which is people might not approve of me
66
so I will die that's what it thinks and
67
so once you understand that you can honestly give yourself some grace be in
68
and stop making yourself feel like a POS because you're feeling some sort of fear around people.
69
Like your fear, it isn't weakness.
70
Your fear is ancient programming.
71
It is natural.
72
But here's the problem.
73
Your brain evolved for tribes of 150 people or less.
74
Not social media, not millions of strangers, not comment sections.
75
Your nervous system is trying to survive a world that it was not designed for.
76
And so psychologists actually have a name for this.
77
It's called the spotlight effect.
78
Human beings dramatically overestimate how much other people notice them.
79
Like, oh, womp, womp, right?
80
There was a famous study at Cornell University where participants were
81
forced to wear an embarrassing Barry Manilow t -shirt into a room full of people.
82
And the participants, they thought that at least 50 % of people or more would notice the shirt.
83
But in reality, only about 20 % of them notice.
84
And that's because everybody else was too busy thinking about themselves to even notice the shirt that someone else is wearing.
85
That's the whole game, everybody.
86
Do you get it?
87
You think everybody notices your awkwardness, your weight gain, your bad skin,
88
your nervousness, your weird comment, your failure, your insecurity.
89
But meanwhile, everybody else is internally screaming to themselves, do they notice my flaws?
90
And so people are obsessed with themselves.
91
And when I say people are obsessed with themselves, I don't necessarily mean like everybody is a narcissist in the clinical sense.
92
I mean, psychologically, everyone has some narcissistic tendencies.
93
Everyone is always subconsciously thinking, how am I being perceived?
94
And so your subconscious monitors your status in a group, approval of other people, comparison of you to other people,
95
your safety, your identity, your belonging.
96
And the funny thing about all of this is the people
97
you're afraid are judging you are usually just as insecure as you are.
98
And they're not even noticing you.
99
And so like once you really get this like deep into your bones, you realize I can do whatever the fuck I want, right?
100
Like you really can.
101
Like I can actually live.
102
I can be free.
103
I can post that thing.
104
I can create that business.
105
I can dance like an idiot in the streets.
106
I can speak up.
107
I can fail publicly in front of everybody.
108
I can try things.
109
I can look stupid.
110
I can be a beginner.
111
And guess what?
112
The world keeps spinning.
113
Why?
114
Because nobody is paying attention to you.
115
Nobody cares nearly as much as you think that they do.
116
And so here's what's wild.
117
When you actually look at this, you're not actually suffering from other people's judgment of you.
118
You suffer from anticipation of judgment.
119
Your imagination is torturing you way more than reality ever actually does because your brain creates simulations constantly.
120
You know, what if, what if I embarrass myself?
121
What if they reject me?
122
What if I, what if I fail in front of other people?
123
What if people think that I'm cringe?
124
What if, what if I give people the ick, right?
125
And your body, because you're creating these, these fictitious scenarios in your mind, your body reacts as if it's happening right now.
126
And this is when you start overthinking everything because, you know, overthinking is exhausting.
127
Your nervous system, it can't actually distinguish between something that is vividly imagined in your mind
128
and actual like real danger in reality.
129
And so that's why your heart races before you have a difficult conversation.
130
It's not the difficult time of conversation, it's your anticipation of what you think is gonna happen after the difficult conversation.
131
You know, it's why public speaking feels terrifying before it ever happens.
132
Because public speaking, when you're sitting there in the green room before you ever talk in front of anybody and your heart is racing,
133
it's because you're rehearsing the failure in what could possibly happen and then what you'll think of yourself if that happens.
134
Your body is responding to imagined social pain.
135
So then what is the actual real problem here?
136
Well you know what I think is one of the biggest problems
137
and causes the most suffering right now for people especially with
138
social media is excessive self awareness not like healthy awareness like
139
obsessive self -monitoring like constantly thinking like how do i sound do i look weird like do people think
140
that i'm awkward do these people like me what if
141
that thing that i said was stupid like should i have said
142
that differently and you cannot be free mentally
143
if you're constantly observing yourself like that and in picking apart every single thing
144
that you're doing like think about the moments in your life
145
where you have felt the most alive like the most free like you're like laughing uncontrollably with friends
146
or you're.. you're dancing or you're playing sports
147
or you're creating some sort of art in some sort of way
148
or you're singing in the car like you're just fully immersed in those things why did those moments feel
149
so amazing for you
150
because for a few seconds you disappeared the self -monitoring stopped for a little
151
while your ego dissolved you kind of like entered a little bit of a flow state and so
152
if that's the case how do we free ourselves how do we get out of this this constant monitoring over
153
and over again and in creating this suffering
154
when we don't really need to how do we free ourselves the first thing
155
that you need to do is realize
156
that people are mirrors not magnifying glasses like most people interpret you through themselves
157
so if someone judges you too harshly it usually says more about their inner world than it says about you
158
because people do not see reality.
159
They project their mind onto reality and only see what their mind projects.
160
So an insecure person might project arrogance and they might see you as arrogant.
161
A fearful person might see risk.
162
A wounded person might see threats everywhere.
163
And so most reactions are just projections.
164
So realize that most of the time, what other people think about you actually has nothing to do with you in the first place.
165
That's crazy.
166
So if that's the case, that brings us to number two.
167
Number two is if that's the case, stop trying to control perception.
168
So number two is stop trying to control perception.
169
This is huge.
170
you could be the best person on earth kind intelligent genuine loving thoughtful
171
and somebody will still misunderstand you that's life you will never be everyone's cup of tea
172
trying to control everyone's perception of you is absolutely insane goes back to this quote i always think about
173
which is i'd rather be a wolf that doesn't fit in than a donkey that everybody rides.
174
And if you're trying to fit in with everybody, you're just trying to be a donkey that everybody rides.
175
Okay, so that's number two.
176
Stop trying to control perception.
177
Number three is become willing to be embarrassed.
178
One of the biggest growth hacks in existence is this.
179
Your freedom is directly tied to your willingness to tolerate temporary discomfort.
180
If you want confidence, embarrass yourself more often.
181
Seriously, like I'm not kidding.
182
Confidence is not, hmm, I know nobody will judge me.
183
That's not what it is.
184
Confidence is even if people judge me, I don't care because I like myself.
185
Like I remember when I was in my 20s, one of the things that freed me the most from other people's perceptions was my friends and I,
186
we used to challenge each other to act as dumb as possible in public as we could like stupid things
187
but completely harmless right it's just like what 20 year old guys do
188
and once you do it a few times you stop caring what other people think in your entire life
189
because most people
190
when you do something stupid in public most people don't even notice you in the first place
191
and the ones that do forget about you in 30 seconds and they'll never see you again.
192
And so you realize, oh my God, like I am, I am like in a straight jacket of how I think I'm supposed to act
193
and how I'm supposed to be and who I'm supposed to, what I'm supposed to do and what's correct and what's polite.
194
And we're just like fucking robots walking through life, being what we think we're supposed to be versus being fully authentically ourself.
195
And so that brings me to number four, practice being seen.
196
This is like nervous system exposure therapy
197
because too many people don't like being seen because of the childhood that they had, right?
198
You've got to practice being seen.
199
You've got to post the video.
200
You've got to say the thing.
201
You've got to wear the outfit that you want to wear.
202
You have to start the business.
203
You have to speak publicly.
204
Your nervous system learns through evidence. And
205
so every time, especially for the type of person who learned like it's not safe to speak up in childhood
206
and you're holding yourself back now or you're a people pleaser
207
and all of the stuff like you're holding yourself back from being your true authentic self
208
and your nervous system learns through evidence.
209
And so every time you survive being seen and you don't die, your brain goes oh i didn't die it must not be
210
that dangerous and if we can do that over and over and over again over time The fear of being seen, the fear of judgment, the fear of other people's opinions, weakens.
211
That's neuroplasticity.
212
Your brain changing itself over time.
213
You know what?
214
Like I think one of the saddest things in life is how many people die with a life unlived.
215
Because psychologically, like they never allowed themselves to fully exist.
216
They basically edited themselves into invisibility.
217
Like it's like Jim Carrey has a quote that says, your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world.
218
I don't want that for you because your life is too short to spend at just managing perception.
219
If you look at the number one regret of the dying, according to the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying, the number one regret of the dying from a hospice nurse
220
where people told them their regrets at the end of their lives was this, I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that others expected of me.
221
One day, you're going to die.
222
And on your deathbed, I promise you, you will not care what people thought about you.
223
You won't care about that awkward post or your failed business
224
or the weird thing that you said or the judgment of other people or the time that you were embarrassed.
225
You'll care that you didn't fully live.
226
You'll care about the risks that you didn't take
227
because you are more worried about the judgment from other people who never noticed you anyways.
228
like you'll care about how many moments fear stole from you and just
229
so you know like the goal here isn't to become fearless
230
maybe the goal is to finally become more devoted to your life than to other people's opinions
231
and when you truly realize that nobody's watching you in the way
232
that you think that they are you're free to do whatever the hell you want hey thanks
233
so much for watching this video based off of what you have been watching recently youtube thinks
234
that you should watch this video right here.
235
It's perfectly crafted for you and your algorithm.
236
And click that button right there.
237
Make sure that you subscribe so you never miss another video.
238
And I'll see you on the next one.
📺 Same Channel
B12
You Vs You "Drop a YES in you agree! 👉 IG:@robdialjr #motivation #selfdevelopment #personalgrowth
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B26
How NOT to Let Your Past Control Your Future
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
How To Get What You Want In Life
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
How to (Actually) Shift Your Identity (to Succeed)
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B12
Their Mood Isn’t Your Responsibility. 👉 IG:@robdialjr #selfdevelopment #selflove #motivation
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
Never React, Never Explain, Just Ignore
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
5 Habits that Changed My Life in 1 Week
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2Do This for 30 Days and Your Life Will Change
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B119
Easy now & hard later OR hard now & easy later👉 IG:@robdialjr #selfdevelopment #motivation
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B23
Become addicted to discipline in 1 day
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
4 Things That Are Keeping You From Being a High Performer
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
5 Things to Tell Yourself Every Morning
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B24
Push Yourself to Be Happy Even When Life is Hard
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B24
When You Finally Stop Living in Your Head, Life Becomes Peaceful Again
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
Once you apply this, the Universe will have no choice but to give you everything.
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
Act As If EVERYTHING Always Works Out
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
How to Teach Yourself Anything (The Self-Study Blueprint)
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
WHY YOU SHOULD QUIT YOUR JOB!
Business EnglishWorking Adults
B23
7 Principles That Will Organize Your Entire Life
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
How To Rewire Your Brain To Enjoy Discipline
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
✨ Recommend Video
B21
14 sentences
When You Notice This, Your Life Changes
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
409 sentences
You don’t like yourself? Create a new version of yourself
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
237 sentences
Stop Hiding. Face Your Problems and Move Forward! | Advanced Podcast for Real-Life Conversations
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2312 sentences
Asking 20 and 30 Year Olds About Their Biggest Regrets in Life
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2211 sentences
Louise Hay: The Power of Letting Go – When You Stop Caring, Everything Starts Chasing You
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B24
16 sentences
They are probably overthinking everything they’ve said too #psychology #lawofattraction #overthinker
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
682 sentences
The Mindset That Makes Ordinary Life Feel Beautiful — Carl Jung
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
128 sentences
Be Careful Who You Let Into Your Life…Some People Study You
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
322 sentences
This will DELETE your OLD Self. Watch This Everyday (2026)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
317 sentences
5 Simple Ways To Crush Negativity in Your Mind
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
108 sentences
Focus on Yourself Not Others | Powerful Motivational Speech
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
267 sentences
You have more time than you think (how to stop wasting your life)
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “The Day You Realize No One Cares About You… Everything Changes”. This video has 238 sentences and 2858 words to shadow. The speech runs for 17:08. The speaker talks at a natural 167 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| judgment noun | /ˈd͡ʒʌd͡ʒ.mənt/ | The act of judging. |
| perception noun | /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/ | The organisation, identification and interpretation of sensory information. |
| monitor noun | /ˈmɑ.nɪ.tɚ/ | Someone who watches over something; a person in charge of something or someone. |
| regret verb | /ɹɪˈɡɹɛt/ | To feel sorry about (a thing that has or has not happened), afterthink: to wish that a thing had not happened, that something else had happened instead. |
| rejection noun | /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/ | The act of rejecting. |
| awareness noun | /əˈwɛɹ.nəs/ | The state or level of consciousness where sense data can be confirmed by an observer. |
| psychological adjective | /ˌsaɪ.kəˈlɑː.d͡ʒɪ.kl̩/ | Of or pertaining to psychology. |
| meanwhile adverb | /ˈmiːnwaɪl/ | During the time that something is happening, often specifically in a different place. |
| insane adjective | /ɪnˈseɪn/ | Exhibiting unsoundness or disorder of mind; not sane; utterly mad. |
| awkward adjective | /ˈɔk.wɚd/ | Lacking dexterity in the use of the hands, or of instruments. |
| publicly adverb | /ˈpʌb.lɪ.kli/ | In public, openly, in an open and public manner. |
| react verb | /ɹiːˈækt/ | To act in response. |
| invisible adjective | /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/ | Unable to be seen; out of sight; not visible. |
| approve verb | /əˈpɹuːv/ | To officially sanction; to ratify; to confirm; to set as satisfactory. |
| starring verb | That which has the specified actor or actors, especially those in lead roles, in its cast. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| walk through verb | To explain (something) to (someone), step by step. | |
| check out verb | To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.). | |
| get out of verb | To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of. | |
| go back to verb | To stem from; to originate in. | |
| pick apart verb | To review or analyse in great detail | |
| speak up verb | /ˌspik ˈʌp/ | To talk more loudly or clearly. |
| start over verb | to begin again; to return to the beginning | |
| walk around verb | To walk with no planned destination; to meander. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Do you get it?
- Everyone is always subconsciously thinking, how am I being perceived?
- You know, what if, what if I embarrass myself?
- What if they reject me?
- What if people think that I'm cringe?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | wasn't designed · was created · was not designed |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have said · have felt |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | person who learned · people who never |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 83 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/, algorithm /ˈælɡəɹɪðm̩/, thoughtful /ˈθɔːtfəl/, deathbed /ˈdɛθˌbɛd/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, anticipation /ænˌtɪs.əˈpeɪ.ʃən/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, exposure /ɪkˈspəʊ.ʒə(ɹ)/
- Long words — get the stress right: psychological /ˌsaɪ.kəˈlɑː.d͡ʒɪ.kl̩/, invisible /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/, participant /pɑːɹˈtɪsəpənt/, embarrassment /ɪmˈbæɹ.əs.mənt/, anticipation /ænˌtɪs.əˈpeɪ.ʃən/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like judgment, perception, monitor.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.