Shadowing Practice: When You Stop Being Available, Everything Changes - Carl Jung - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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Have you ever noticed how some people seem to have an
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almost supernatural control over the environment around them without saying a word?
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They don't shout.
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They don't beg.
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They simply withdraw.
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And suddenly, everything changes.
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The energy shifts.
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People start to question, to chase after, to feel.
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Now, imagine if you did the same.
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If you stopped reacting immediately to everything, if you chose silence instead of the automatic response, retreat instead of explosion, what do you think would happen?
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That's where the point lies.
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When you stop being always available, emotionally, physically, psychologically, the world around you goes into crisis.
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Because people are used to controlling you through your reactions, through your impulses, through your predictability.
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But the day you choose to withdraw, the game changes.
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And those who thought they knew you realize, they know absolutely nothing about you.
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Carl Jung said, everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.
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Now think about this.
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When you become inaccessible, who really gets desperate?
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Who gets irritated?
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Who tries to provoke you just to elicit some emotion back.
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This reveals more about the other than about you.
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And it mainly reveals how much you are still being manipulated without realizing it.
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You keep giving yourself to please, to maintain peace, to not lose people who deep down were never really with you.
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And with every forced yes, every immediate response, every emotional reaction, you give away a piece of your energy.
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And at the end of the day, what's left?
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Tiredness, frustration, an emptiness you can't explain.
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But I'll tell you why.
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Because you are too available for those who don't deserve even a minute of your silence.
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This video is not about turning your back on the world.
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It's about choosing yourself.
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It's about learning what Jung called individuation, the process of becoming whole, authentic, complete.
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And this process begins when you understand that silence can be stronger than a thousand arguments.
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That withdrawal, when it comes from awareness and not from escape, is an act of power.
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So I ask you now, looking into your eyes, how long will you continue to be controlled by the emotions of others?
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How long will you react like a puppet every time someone pokes your wound.
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Maybe it's time to cut those strings, to withdraw, to become a mystery,
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because when you stop being available, everything changes.
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You have been taught to always be present, to respond quickly, to please, to say yes, even when you wanted to say no. Since childhood,
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you have been conditioned to believe that your worth lies in how available you are to others.
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But here's a truth that perhaps no one has told you with this clarity.
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This excessive availability is not a virtue.
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It is a prison.
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And as long as you continue to think that you need to be accessible all the time, emotionally or otherwise, you will be manipulated,
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drained and forgotten as soon as you are no longer useful.
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Do you know why?
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Because Because being always available makes you seem predictable.
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And everything that is predictable becomes a tool.
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People start to use you as an emotional emergency button.
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They press it when they want attention, relief, validation, and then put you back on the shelf.
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But you don't realize this because you are trapped in an illusion
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that being present for everyone will make someone be present for you.
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But it doesn't work that way.
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Carl Jung spoke about the persona, this mask we wear to be accepted,
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loved, recognized, and it is exactly this mask that keeps you overly available.
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You say it's okay when you are suffocating.
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You respond to messages immediately even when you are exhausted.
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You explain yourself, justify yourself, defend yourself, as if you owe something to the world.
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But the truth is that the more you place yourself at the center of others' stage, the more you disappear from your own.
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Being available all the time is a subtle form of self -abandonment.
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It is a disguised way of seeking approval, avoiding rejection, trying to control the image others have of you.
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But this control comes at a price, and the price is your peace.
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It is your vital energy being distributed as if it were infinite, when in fact it is limited.
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very limited people who want you available all the time in
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fact do not want you they want what you provide validation company distraction emotional comfort
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but when you change when you set a boundary
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when you refuse to react those same people get irritated accuse you say you are weird it's not
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because you changed it's because you stopped being functional for them and here's the cruelest point.
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The more available you are, the less value others give you.
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Because what is too abundant becomes emotional rag.
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No one respects what they don't have to earn.
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No one values what is always there.
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So now stop and think.
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Who truly deserves your time?
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Who deserves your attention?
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Your presence?
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Your listening?
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Or better yet, who deserves your absence?
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But before answering that we need to understand one essential thing why do we react
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so much why do we give in
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so easily what is behind this almost automatic desire to respond justify
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and please the answer lies in what carl jung called psychic energy
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and that is what we will talk about in the next part
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because your energy is all you have and if you don't learn to protect it someone will use it against you
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If this content is making sense to you, click the subscribe button and subscribe to the channel.
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Thank you for your support.
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Carl Jung did not see the human psyche as an automatic machine that reacts to stimuli without consequences.
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For him, our mind is like an energy system, and every thought, emotion, and action consumes a part of that energy.
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The question is, are you choosing where your energy goes, or are you letting the world decide for you?
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Every time you react impulsively, you are wasting psychic energy.
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When you defend yourself against a criticism that didn't even deserve attention, when you respond to a provocation just to prove you are right,
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when you engage in useless discussions, when you try to please those who do not value you, You are spending your inner strength on what does not nourish you.
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And Jung was clear.
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That which you resist persists.
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The more you react, the more you bind yourself.
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People who live emotionally drained are not weak.
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They are misdirected.
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And do you know what happens to someone who lives exhausted?
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They become vulnerable.
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And when you are vulnerable, you become easy prey.
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Manipulative, opportunistic, and emotionally needy people can sense this.
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They notice that you do not know how to guard your energy, that you react to everything, that you are always trying to solve the world, and they take advantage of it.
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Jung said that a healthy psyche is one that knows how to keep energy within the system.
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This means knowing how to say no without guilt, knowing how to remain silent without feeling cowardly, knowing how to observe before acting.
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Because true power is not in reacting.
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It is in choosing when and how to act.
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And this is only possible when you know yourself well enough to recognize your own impulses.
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How many times have you lost sleep over an unresolved conversation?
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How many times have you spent hours ruminating on what you should have said, or trying to understand why someone treated you poorly.
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This is energy being drained without return.
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You are keeping alive ghosts that should have died long ago and feeding dynamics that only exist because you insist on responding.
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Psychic energy is like a force field.
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When well guarded, it creates presence.
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You enter a room and command respect without saying a word.
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But when poorly managed, you become invisible, reactive, fragile.
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And the world has no mercy for those who give in easily.
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Therefore, start observing your own triggers.
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What makes you react automatically?
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What makes you lose your center?
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These are the exact points where your energy escapes, and that is where you need to work.
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Not to become cold or indifferent, but to be selective, to be sovereign over yourself.
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And here comes one of Jung's greatest revelations.
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When you conserve your energy, you break the projections that others place upon you, and that bothers a lot,
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because now we are entering a dark territory, that of silent manipulation.
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In the next part, we will explore how opportunistic people feed off your energy and why your unavailability completely disarms these games.
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Get ready to look into the eyes of those who have always drained you without you realizing it.
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You think you are in control.
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You believe your reactions are conscious choices.
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But the truth is darker.
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Most of your emotional responses are programmed.
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And those who understand this manipulate you easily.
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Opportunistic people don't need to raise their voices, threaten, or force situations.
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They just trigger the buttons you've left exposed, and you react, always.
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Carl Jung called this projection, the psychological mechanism through which people project onto others what they cannot see in themselves.
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But there is another side to this phenomenon that few notice.
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While others project onto you, you also become the receptacle for these images.
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And the more emotionally available you are, the more you become a blank canvas for these projections.
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You know that friend who only reaches out when they are in crisis.
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That partner who always needs you to save the day.
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That person who praises you, but only as long as you are useful to them.
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None of this is by chance.
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They are not relating to you.
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They are relating to the idea of you, to the role you agree to play.
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And why do you agree?
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Because you are afraid of disappointing, afraid of not being loved, afraid of being abandoned.
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The most effective manipulation doesn't happen in shouting.
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It happens in the silence of guilt.
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When you feel that you owe something to the other, when you believe you need to be available, need to help, need to understand, even when it destroys you inside.
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And here is the central point.
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The manipulator doesn't need to control you.
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They just need you to keep reacting the same way.
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But when you stop reacting, the game breaks.
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When you start saying no, responding with silence, withdrawing instead of explaining yourself, The projections begin to crumble.
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The mask they put on you falls, and this leaves people unsettled, because they no longer know who you are,
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and worse, now they are forced to look at themselves, and not everyone is prepared for that.
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Your unavailability is a threat, because it forces others to confront their own emptiness.
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The silence you offer reveals the internal noise they don't want to hear, and then comes the attack,
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the criticism, the emotional drama, not because you are wrong, but because you stopped serving as a convenient mirror.
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Jung said, we do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
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When you withdraw, when you stop feeding the cycle, the other's shadow begins to emerge.
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And this is unbearable for those who have always used you as an escape.
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But what about you?
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Are you ready to deal with the discomfort of being misunderstood, rejected, or even attacked for protecting yourself?
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Are you ready to endure the silence that comes after the rupture?
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Because it is precisely in that silence that a new kind of power is born.
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And that is what we will talk about now.
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In the next part, you will understand why silence can be the most devastating weapon of the human psyche
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and how it completely changes the dynamic between you and the world.
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The modern world is noisy.
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Everyone wants to be heard, wants to respond quickly, wants to win pointless debates and prove their point, even if it costs them their own peace.
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But there is a power that few know, and even fewer master.
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The power of silence.
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Not the silence of passivity or cowardice, but conscious, strategic, brutally lucid silence.
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The kind of silence that is not absence, but amplified presence.
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Carl Jung saw silence not as a void, but as a fertile ground for inner transformation.
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When you stop reacting, you begin to observe.
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And by observing, you see patterns that previously went unnoticed.
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Emotional repetitions, manipulation games, cycles of self -sabotage.
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Silence allows for lucidity.
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And lucidity is dangerous for those who live to control you.
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Have you noticed how some people panic when you don't respond?
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when you don't explain yourself, when you simply disappear.
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It's not because they miss you.
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It's because your silence takes away their narrative control.
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While you speak, you are still in the game.
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But when you are silent, you change the rules.
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And that unbalances anyone who thrives on your reaction.
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True silence is not the absence of voice.
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It is mastery over one's own energy.
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It is the refusal to be dragged down by someone else's emotions.
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It is the conscious choice not to engage in battles that are not worth your wear.
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Jung said that individuation, the process of becoming who you truly are,
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requires this distancing, because only in silence can you listen to yourself without the world's interference. But don't be fooled.
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Silence has a price.
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It will distance you from people who only valued you for the role you played.
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It will make you incomprehensible to those who only saw you through their own projections.
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It will make you seem cold, distant, arrogant.
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But all of this is a reaction from those who never wanted to deal with your depth, only with your utility.
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And here is the hard truth.
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The more you mature, the more selective you become with your words
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because you understand that each sentence is an energetic investment and not everyone deserves access to your truth.
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Sometimes silence is not retreat.
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It is sovereignty.
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It is the language of those who no longer need to prove anything to anyone.
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Silence is uncomfortable because it forces the other to deal with their own thoughts, with their own internal noise.
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And this discomfort reveals more about them than any argument of yours could reveal.
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You don't need to explain your absence.
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It explains itself, and those who feel threatened by it reveal how much they depended on your imbalance to maintain their own control.
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But the most powerful silence is not the one that disturbs the other.
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It is the silence that reconstructs you from within.
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The silence that connects you to something beyond external approval.
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It is in this internal space, free from others' demands, that you begin to recover your vital energy, to reconnect with your essence.
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And this is precisely what we will talk about in the next part.
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Because it's not enough to just cut out external noise, you need to relearn how to use your energy consciously, to choose where it goes,
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where it stays, and most importantly, where it should never be wasted.
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It's time to learn to be selective with your own soul.
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If you're in the process of reclaiming your energy and setting boundaries, you'll find real value in my book, Beyond the Shadow.
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It breaks down Jung's most important ideas and gives you tools to protect your energy, set boundaries, and reconnect with your true self.
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Link is in the pinned comment.
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It's no use understanding all of this intellectually if, in practice, you continue saying yes when you mean no, responding to messages that bother you,
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participating in empty conversations, and maintaining relationships that only exist out of inertia.
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Awareness without action is just another form of self -deception.
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True transformation begins when you firmly decide to become selective, and this requires emotional discipline.
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Conscious unavailability is not about being cold, arrogant, or indifferent.
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It's about no longer being accessible to anyone, at any time, for any reason.
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It's about taking control of your own energy, your own time, your own peace.
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And this starts with small actions, not responding immediately, breathing before reacting, leaving a discussion before being dragged into chaos,
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turning off your phone without guilt, saying, not today, saying, I'm not interested, saying, I won't get involved.
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But here's the most important part.
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You don't need to justify your absence.
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You don't need to explain your silence.
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You owe nothing to anyone but yourself.
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And this, for many people, is unforgivable.
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Because when you refuse to explain yourself, you take away the other person's power to keep you within
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an emotional narrative where you are always the helpful understanding accessible one carl jung understood
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that every process of individuation goes through isolation
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but not a depressive isolation a sacred isolation a time of
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inner retreat where you relearn to listen to your own voice without the world's interference where you rebuild your identity,
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not based on the gaze of others, but from your own center.
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Want to know a good thermometer for your evolution?
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Observe who starts to distance themselves from you when you become more reserved.
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Observe who tries to provoke you when you stop reacting.
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Observe who accuses you of having changed when you finally start to protect yourself.
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These are not signs that you are wrong.
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They are proof that you have begun to free yourself.
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Being unavailable is uncomfortable at first.
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You will feel guilty.
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You will think you are being selfish.
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You will hear that you are being too harsh.
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But this is part of the deconstruction process.
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You have spent your life being conditioned to put yourself second.
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It's natural that change causes discomfort, not only in you, but in everyone who benefited from your old version.
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Conscious unavailability is the foundation of self -determination.
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When you say no to the world, you are saying yes to yourself.
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When you withdraw from a toxic environment, you are reaffirming that your peace is worth more than any false connection.
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And when you stop explaining yourself, you begin to be respected, even if it's by few.
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But not everyone is ready for this type of presence.
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Because your emotional absence will expose wounds they do not want to face.
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It will reveal how much they depended on your emotional chaos to feel in control.
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And it is at this moment that the rupture comes.
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And with the rupture comes the pain, the loneliness, the estrangement, the feeling that you are losing something,
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when in fact you are just freeing yourself.
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But what happens after that?
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What comes after the distancing?
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What is born from the silence?
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In the last part, we will talk about this, about the rebirth that only happens when you have the courage to be misunderstood,
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to be alone, and to become whole on your own.
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It's time to understand why the loneliness of the strong is the path to true freedom.
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When you stop being available to everyone, something profound begins to happen first comes the silence, an uncomfortable silence that seems to scream inside you.
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You wonder if you did the right thing, if you are being too harsh, if you are losing people who liked you.
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But gradually, this silence transforms.
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It begins to cleanse, to calm, to heal.
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And then comes solitude.
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But not the solitude of absence.
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It is the solitude of total presence, your own the solitude of the strong,
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the solitude of one who no longer betrays themselves to keep others close.
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And in that space, where there was once confusion, clarity enters.
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Where there was once anxiety, peace enters.
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Where there was once neediness, a new kind of strength enters, the strength of being whole within yourself.
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Carl Jung said that the process of individuation, becoming who you really are, requires you to distance yourself from the collective,
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that you disidentify from the mask, that you walk alone for a while.
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And that is exactly what you are doing when you decide to become unavailable.
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You are not fleeing the world.
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You are returning to yourself.
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It is at this point that you stop being a reactor and become a creator.
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You cease to be shaped by circumstances and begin to shape your reality from within.
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The people who feel uncomfortable with your absence, they reveal that they never wanted you.
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They wanted the role you played.
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And now that you no longer fit, they don't know what to do with you.
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And that is liberating.
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You will lose people.
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But you will find yourself.
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You will distance yourself from places but you will reconnect with your essence.
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You will become misunderstood, but finally you will begin to be respected, because when you are no longer available for anything,
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you become valuable, rare, unforgettable.
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And don't be fooled, this is a rebirth, a new beginning, the start of a life where you are no longer available for emotional crumbs,
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for mind games, for voids disguised as affection, now you only accept what resonates with your peace, with your truth, with your wholeness.
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And if you have made it this far, it's because a part of you is already ready for this new path.
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A part of you has already understood that being loved means nothing if, for that, you have to abandon yourself.
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And that true self -love begins when you choose yourself, even if it costs you to be alone for a while.
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Now tell me in the comments, are you ready to be misunderstood, rejected, or even hated?
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in the name of your inner freedom?
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Are you willing to pay the price of being you?
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If this message touched you, if it made sense, write in the comments, I choose my peace.
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Let's see how many here are ready for this transition.
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And don't forget, keep watching the next video.
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It's important, much more than you imagine.
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See you there.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “When You Stop Being Available, Everything Changes - Carl Jung”. This video has 28 sentences and 3693 words to shadow. The speech runs for 25:05. The speaker talks at a steady 147 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start. 33 of its 28 sentences are questions, so it is good practice for question intonation and short answers.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| silence noun | /ˈsaɪ̯ləns/ | The absence of any sound. |
| react verb | /ɹiːˈækt/ | To act in response. |
| reveal verb | /ɹɪˈviːl/ | To uncover; to show and display that which was hidden. |
| absence noun | /ˈæb.s(ə)n̩s/ | A state of being away or withdrawn from a place or from companionship |
| observe verb | /əbˈzɜːv/ | To notice or view, especially carefully or with attention to detail. |
| conscious adjective | /ˈkɑn.ʃəs/ | Alert, awake; with one's mental faculties active. |
| withdraw verb | /wɪðˈdɹɔ/ | To draw or pull (something) away or back from its original position or situation. |
| emotionally adverb | /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/ | In an emotional manner; displaying emotion. |
| mask noun | /mæsk/ | A cover, or partial cover, for the face, used for disguise or protection. |
| emotion noun | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | A person's internal state of being and involuntary physiological response to an object or a situation, based on or tied to physical state and sensory data. |
| uncomfortable adjective | /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ | Not comfortable; causing discomfort. |
| drain noun | /dɹiːn/ | A conduit allowing liquid to flow out of an otherwise contained volume; a plughole (UK) |
| selective adjective | /səˈlɛktɪv/ | Of or relating to the process of selection. |
| projection noun | /pɹəˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/ | Something which projects, protrudes, juts out, sticks out, or stands out. |
| silent adjective | /ˈsaɪ̯lənt/ | Free from sound or noise; absolutely still; perfectly quiet. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| take away verb | /ˌteɪk əˈweɪ/ | To remove something and put it in a different place. |
| break down verb | To stop functioning. | |
| cut out verb | To refrain from (doing something, using something etc.), to stop or cease (doing something). | |
| drag down verb | To cause (other people or another person) to suffer the same fate, or to feel the same negative mood. | |
| give away verb | To make a gift of (something). | |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. | |
| reach out verb | To extend one's hand(s) forward; to reach for something. | |
| turn off verb | To power down, to switch off, to put out of operation, to deactivate (an appliance, light, mechanism, functionality etc.). |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- When you become inaccessible, who really gets desperate?
- Who truly deserves your time?
- Who deserves your attention, your presence, your listening?
- Why do we react so much?
- When you don't explain yourself, when you simply disappear?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | being manipulated · be controlled · have been taught |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | those who thought · people who deep · those who don |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have been taught · have been conditioned · has told |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 29 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, doesn't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, withdrawal /wɪðˈdɹɔ(ə)l/, authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: conscious /ˈkɑn.ʃəs/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, projection /pɹəˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, isolation /ˌaɪsəˈleɪʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, automatic /ˌɔː.təˈmæt.ɪk/, psychology /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, accessible /əkˈsɛs.ɪ.bəl/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like silence, react, reveal.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.