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welcome back to this week's episode of pretty lonesome this week

as i'm sure you can imagine we have a little bit

to discuss this week i did put out a series on

tiktok talking about what my ex -boyfriend round of applause please

did to me my ex -boyfriend um kind of publicly violated

me through the means of using me as a pawn in his pr stunt

and also not informing me of his pr stunt

which was to essentially make it look like he's sleeping with

another girl who obviously was not me the number one thing that has caught my eye this week from like

people's comments was how the fuck is she

so calm guys let me tell you i was not

and i don't know how I've done this

so quickly to turn myself around actually I do know

but for the first five days after I found out what was happening

and I found out the first of July I literally almost died like I was laying in bed going crazy

and I lay there and I didn't eat

and I didn't drink I didn't even pee I didn't do anything like I just lay there

and I sweat like I was in a pile of sweat

because I knew I couldn't say anything because there was no fucking way

that you were about to catch me genuinely tweaking online I

knew I had to sit on my fucking hands until I was calm enough to speak

and advocate for myself properly and say what I needed to say

and say it well and say it calmly

and not clearly look like I was going crazy and

so I knew I just had to sit there

and take it for a week

and i also knew this is something i need you guys

to know i knew the release date for this song and

so i knew that it was coming out on either the 11th or the 12th

he actually told me the 12th it came out on the 11th

but whatever um i knew the release date

and this all happened on the 2nd of july the 2nd of july was

when they were first seen together in public and so i knew

that was how long i had to get my shit together

i actually didn't want to say anything before they dropped the song

because i needed to make sure they were going to drop it i needed to make sure

that this guy thought i was never going to speak

and never going to say anything and just sit there

and take his shit um because i wanted him to drop

that song and i needed you guys to hear the verse

because i did not want to be alone with the knowledge of what was in

that verse and obviously i couldn't like say what it was before the release date

because i would have got sued

so i had about 10 days to really get it together

so for the first five days i lay in bed

and i didn't move and i didn't eat

and i didn't drink i didn't do fucking anything on the fifth day i decided

that i would go

and get a coffee okay actually no here's what happened on the fifth day I was nearly dead

because I hadn't consumed anything like anything I'd had like a nibble of a brownie

and that was it

and like maybe half a bottle of water over all the days like I don't know how I did

that I didn't even know the days had gone by like I literally just fucking laid there

and I woke up and my heart was beating out my chest not in a way

that I was scared in a way

that like it's struggling like my heart I was like I actually think I'm about to fucking die

so i went downstairs and i like i had these freddos in my fridge that i had for ages and

if you're american you're not lucky enough to know what a

freddo is they're these little chocolates like this size in the shape of a frog

and they are so fucking good and i had them

and i cracked open a can of water and then i chugged it

and i chugged four cans of water in a row

and I ate the entire like five pack of freddos

and I nearly threw up I felt so sick

and then as like my body absorbed whatever's in that my heart slowed down it took me about an hour

of my heart being as

if I had just like sprinted for five minutes like I'm not kidding you

and it was so like heavy too um it took me about an hour to get rid of it and then

my body like regulated itself

and I was like I need to get up my birthday is on the 7th of July

and so this is like t -minus two fucking days to my birthday

and I had cancelled all my plans

and people had offered me plans like do you want to come to the Hamptons we'll throw you a party

and I was like no I was meant to have gone to Saint -Tropez with my friends

and I was gonna pay for everyone to come out

and have this like big birthday party

and I just didn't want to go I didn't want to see anyone

because I didn't want to fucking talk about it

and I knew people were gonna ask me about it

and I just didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me

and like I just didn't want to face anyone so I cancelled my birthday plans

and I wasn't gonna go anywhere

and on the 5th I drove myself to Costa Coffee

which is like I didn't even know those still existed

but the only drive -thru place near me is a Costa

and I had not showered in like five days

so I couldn't go in anywhere

so I was like I have to go to the drive through I went to the drive -thru

and I got a cappuccino and then I sat in the parking lot

and I drank it and because I had basically nothing in my stomach it hit me like a fucking truck

and I knew

that was what I needed it zapped me back to life

like I literally woke up like a robot in the movies

and I texted my friend

and I was like what am I gonna do I need a plan like I've just died for five days

and now I'm back and I need to fix this

and she was like

so glad you asked here is your entire life on a

platter I have thought about this for you for five days

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I've planned it for you for five days now all you need to do is tweak it and enact it

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I never knew about genuine like I've had I am very lucky in my friendships

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and I've always had good friendships this one is creating a

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whole new level of what love can even look like for me

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because when i tell you this girl is the sole reason

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that i am even half as stable as i am right

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now she has saved my fucking ass like i was i don't think

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that if i had to be the one by myself to fix this

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and think up a way to tell people

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and get up the confidence to tell people

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and even just get out of my bed

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if it was all just up to me

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and I was just by myself there's no way I would

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have done it mind you this girl is my team

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when people talk about my PR team it's my friend like

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I'm not kidding you she has everything you've seen come from

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me in the last week it's her she is the one

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that empowered me to do it enabled me to do it

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and told me to do it like none of this would have happened without her

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and she nurtured my life like she picked up the shamble

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of what my life was on the first of July

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and said can I take this

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and I was like have it I don't care like I was really ready to just delete my social media

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and I'll tell you why I didn't think that there was any way

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that I could come out of this situation in a way

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that helped me I genuinely believed the second he put me up against her

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because that's essentially what he did

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because he's a pig he essentially put me against another woman

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and it shouldn't be that way but everyone knows

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that that's exactly what's gonna happen when you do something like

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that i just didn't think that there was anything

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that i could say or any truth that i could give to the internet

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that would make them care like i just i can't even describe it

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but like my biggest fear ever since i got into the relationship with him was always

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if I ever want to leave the relationship what will happen

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like I'm gonna get bullied what's gonna like come from it like it's always just been a huge fear of mine

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like what happens when I leave you know and he forced my hand

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because I can't go back to you after

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that I can't be seen with you after

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that what do I do now like I either walk away in silence

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or i make a bunch of noise and risk a lot

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and also i've intentionally never made a lot of noise about anything

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because i don't like when people talk shit online and

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so i've never done it even in positions where it may

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have been warranted let's not forget this guy basically dropped a

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diss track on me let her go is uh surely a diss track

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because i never really listened to the lyrics before i was like he he made a song about me

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and then i listened to it now that i like hate him

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and i was listening and i was like

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so anyway um i kind of sat up on the fifth

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and was like okay i'm not doing this anymore like i

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need to fix this on the sixth the night before my

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birthday my friends came to my house dressed like gorillas

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and they ripped me out my house

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and then seventh they had a whole day of activities planned for me

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and then i went back to their house on the 7th

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and i haven't left since and it's currently the 15th of july

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and i still have not gone home because i have just needed people

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and i have not needed to be alone like i've really

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needed people to just constantly tell me like you're okay

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and like just be there and laugh about it with me

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because it really can't be that fucking deep and let me tell you something i didn't think what he did was bad.

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until people online told me it was bad um like I knew it was bad because I knew I was hurt

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but I've been with this guy for three years and I do think a lot of my brain is like

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wired quite badly right now and it's something I'm gonna have to work on for a while but like

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I didn't know how bad what he actually did was I knew it was bad

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and that's when I made those videos and I posted it

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but I was very desensitized and just like still in a lot of shock

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and i just made the videos and then i posted them

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and the reaction that it got and the things

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that i saw other girls and like women saying about what he had done

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and how they would have felt

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and reacted made me realize oh my fucking god this guy

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fucked me like it what he did was not minor like

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it was a huge betrayal personally professionally in every way it could have been

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and i think for me like the saddest part

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and not to make this actually emotional

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because i do want everyone to like just kind of giggle at this

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because that is what i've been laughing i've laughed probably the hardest

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and the most i've ever laughed this week of my life

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but like i i it's hard for me to make this podcast

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and it was hard for me to make those tiktoks

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because as deranged as it is i am fresh out of

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that relationship and it was a nearly three -year relationship for me

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and i am still very attached to that guy i won't go back

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and i can promise you that but it is hard to know

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that what i'm doing right now is going to make him feel bad

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but i have to remember he does not think

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that way about me he was fine to post up with her he was fine to see me hurt

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and do it again and again and again and again

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and again and then laugh about it and

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when i saw like after i posted my tiktok videos

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and then i see him post his video and he's like laughing actually they both were

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i nearly did something paranormal but you guys want to know something crazy

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so after i posted those videos a couple days later well actually it was one day later

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because it's only been two days um he put up on his story a snippet of a song

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and people thought that it's an apology song

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because it's obviously fucking about me

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and it is him talking about how he wishes he's not the villain

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and um something about his career has lots of women in it let me tell you something about this

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song that is not and this is probably the only thing i can legally say

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that is not a new song okay i've heard

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that song before i used to love that song it's not released but uh that was written

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months ago um and obviously in the note

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that he had posted on tiktok

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because it's like a sound clip in his notes app it says like 15th of july 2024

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because he's smart and he obviously fucking did

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that on purpose yeah i'm just gonna need everyone to know

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that he wrote that song as loving

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and as sweet as it does sound then he did everything we just seen him do

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okay that was before he did all that he doesn't have remorse okay

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that is an old song and he's just like promoting it now

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and i obviously knew that everything that i was gonna post was gonna like send

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so much attention to him and send eyes to him and i didn't mind because that's really not

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i'm not here to like try

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and ruin his career i really don't care his life is his life it doesn't affect me

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if he's successful if he's not whatever i just needed to make sure

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that no one thought that i could ever stand by that

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and also he did betray me and you don't get to do

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that and run from it like you don't get to actually traumatize a person

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because that is traumatizing like to feel that kind of fear helplessness um

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and then be like publicly violated like that is genuinely scary especially

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when it comes from someone that you do trust and

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that you do love and then I felt too bad to even speak out against it

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and I had to have my friends borderline fucking convince me

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to do it to make any of those videos I obviously

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am not cut out to date a rapper i think it is a treacherous fucking job

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and i did understand

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when i first started dating him like oh he is a rapper like obviously there's gonna be like certain things

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and mind you we met

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when his career was a tenth of the size it is today okay

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and so i have we have grown together and i've watched him grow

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and i've understood the entire time who i'm dating and that

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obviously dating a rapper is gonna come with certain song lyrics

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certain marketing things there's gonna be women around all the time

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and that was understood by me very clearly

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and i did always say to him like

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if you have to do certain things for marketing like i

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don't know have a bunch of girls in a car have

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a bunch of girls in your video okay like i get it it's you know

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that is absolutely fine like of course like i'm not gonna tell you

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that you can't do that that would be actually fucking horrible of me

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and it would be and if i don't want to hit

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that i don't have to date a rapper but i understood

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that i understood it very clearly mind you um my thing was always like

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but you have to keep me informed like

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because it is a little bit hurtful and i can put

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that hurt aside in the name of something greater for you in the name of your career i can put

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that aside on the condition that we have a strong foundation in our personal relationship

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because it's not normal what he's doing it's hurtful to see

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your boyfriend with other girls regardless of the context regardless of

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what you know about the situation okay it's always gonna be hurtful it's always just gonna suck

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but the agreement was just let me know keep me informed

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and we can be the most powerful fucking couple like it

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can genuinely be us against the fucking world all we have

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to do is be like this like that's it just communicate be my best friend

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and everything else will fall into place and he took that

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and he fucking destroyed it it is it was a huge ask

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and it was a major compromise and i did it anyway

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and he threw it in my fucking face

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and then he took a shit on me pookie what the fuck like i genuinely have never been more like

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what the fuck is

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that about like you had everything it's like this story right

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i used to know these people actually they were a friend of a friend

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and they were in an open relationship right and

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so their agreement was you can fuck anyone you want

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but you have to tell me who you fuck

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and you have to tell me like check with me before about the person

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but like they were both fucking other people right

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so the guy goes out secretly fuck someone doesn't tell the girl about it regardless of

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that she would have said yeah that's fine

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and still managed to find a way to cheat on his open relationship

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and it's just like what is wrong with you it's like

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you have this narrative where you have to lie you have to sneak

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and you have to betray

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and I've given you every genuine opportunity to not have to do

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that at the expense of myself and you still fucked up

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crazy work next time i date a man he's not getting

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any fucking leash you are going to be heel heel next

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man i date is gonna know heel he's gonna know sit okay he's gonna know crate

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there's gonna be absolutely zero freedom in that relationship

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and matter of fact i am undateable right now completely undateable untouchable obviously i'm fresh out of breakup

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so i'm anyway

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but like every man on earth will pay for his actions after i posted those videos

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because i'm actually a normal fucking person all i wanted to do was like go find him

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and give him a fucking hug

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because it's horrible like no one wants to see someone

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that they love and trust talk about them like

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that publicly also the screenshots i was pushing my fucking luck there

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but like it was funny but like

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and i know i have this like bad bitch mindset

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that i'm trying to enforce where i'm like no like fuck

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that guy like he did do me like fucking filth he really did me like filth

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and i have every right to do what i just fucking did

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and people like

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that do deserve to have their names a little bit slandered

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like come on pookie like you have to understand like take

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that on the chin

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and move on like that's all he needs to do you

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will be fine genuinely go on untouched you know what i mean like just take it on the chin

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and fuck off but all i wanted to do was like go find him

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and be like i'm sorry like i didn't want to do

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that and i had to check myself

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and be like babe look at all his fucking videos he's laughing at you like he this guy hates you

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and here's the thing i genuinely believe

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that a man can be in love with someone

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and fucking hate them at the same fucking time no i shouldn't feel bad

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but i am actually a human being

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but i think that's also what makes me so sad is

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because like how did he not feel

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that like how did he genuinely post what he posted

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and like make it look the way he made it look and lied to me the way he lied to me

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and let me see what i had to see and not

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how does anyone do

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that like i genuinely don't get it like to me what he did is worse than cheating

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and it's not even like it's not i've seen a lot of confusion about what actually happened

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and what i actually beefed him over he'd as far as i'm aware it wasn't

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that he actually cheated on me like i don't know

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if he did i don't know i'm not even going to speak on that

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because i have no idea what happened behind those doors like

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i don't know what they're up to what hurt me is

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that he intentionally publicly humiliated me and

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when i say intentionally i do of course mean with intention

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he could have told me more than 12 hours before

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because this was planned weeks and months in advance and even

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if the date was a last minute thing the content of

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the music video was fucking insane like there's actually a clip

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where there's it's meant to look like she's sucking his dick

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right also guys you want to know something fucking hilarious i

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got a call from his team after i posted the tiktoks

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and she was like the girl on the end of the phone was like you lied

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and i panicked i was like oh my god what did

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i lie about like racking my brain to think maybe i got something wrong

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and she was like he didn't only buy you a tank top from chrome hearts

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and i burst into laughter i said my bad he actually he bought me shorts too she went yeah he did

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pookie what the fuck the way i laughed in this woman's face

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and i actually hate to be disrespectful

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but what the fuck are you saying to me right now what the actual fuck are you saying

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and when i i genuinely shit myself you lied wait what

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when she said that i was like if this is the worst thing

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if i can post those four videos

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and this is what you call me about i would say i got like an a star

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that's all his team could beef me about was the fact

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that he actually did buy me shorts from chrome hearts too

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that is literally the funniest fucking thing they had me shitting

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myself it's like oh my god what did i lie about

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what did i lie about he bought you shorts ah the the the support

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that i received just like from the internet in general after i posted that video guys

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i i could cry just even talking about it

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because it's been such a fear of mine

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that people were gonna laugh at me because i did let

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that guy treat me like shit and there's a very mean side to the internet

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and people could be like you're fucking pathetic like you actually let him do

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that and i did but i also didn't like there were things i knew about

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and there were things that i weren't but i was just always

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so scared to leave and like have him do essentially what exactly what he fucking did

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and i find it like horrible

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because he kind of forced my hand like he didn't really

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give me a choice to back away from this peacefully like there was no preparation

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that would have allowed any narrative to happen

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that didn't make me a direct conversation

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when it comes to what just happened like he didn't do anything to prepare it in a way

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that was clearly like it didn't involve me like we had

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been seen together in Nigeria like like he had posted me on his Instagram like there was nothing to suggest

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that I wasn't still like a very prominent figure in his life

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and that we were having like a good healthy relationship like he didn't prepare it in a thoughtful way

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and i genuinely think that he did that intentionally

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because unfortunately the more conversation that surrounds a thing like

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that the bigger it gets and the more money he gets

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and it's not so much about like integrity of character

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or like how good of a person he seems like

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because i'll be so honest with you it doesn't fucking matter they know it doesn't fucking matter like

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why not use me as a like it doesn't matter how people see him he will continue to succeed

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and that's fine that's his life it's not mine and i just think like

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it's crazy but i am actually so impressed with the way

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that i have found peace with all of this so quickly

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because there is really something to be said for aging

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when it comes to inner peace because guys sometimes you just have to sit back

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and throw your fucking arms up well what can i do

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well

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that happened fuck it fuck it on to the next here's

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the thing i've had some seriously tragic scenarios happen in my

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life thus far okay this not even being one of them

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and as painful as they have been at the time they have always led to something

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that i now would argue i couldn't live without, right? i can't cry about having a lot on my plate

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when my intention was to eat you know what i mean

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and if he's gonna pull a pr stunt i will be taking the revenue thank you

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and i just think he's probably so fucking shocked

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and i think this is the funniest part about all of

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it i think he's genuinely sat at home with his fucking jaw on the floor i genuinely don't think

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that he thought

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that anyone would ever give a fuck about something i was gonna say like i think

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that he both wanted me to be publicly a little bit embarrassed

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and like have that conversation going on the sideline of like what's going on

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because it does benefit him but i also don't think he ever thought

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or ever bargained on the fact that people could ever give

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that kind of a fuck about me to the point where

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they're gonna actually call him out for his shit like i

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think he just thought i was like uh like an npc in his plan almost

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that would never say anything against him and even

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if i did people aren't gonna give a fuck you know

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we have these two powerful entities what fucking chance do i stand

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and that's exactly how i saw it too so imagine my surprise

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when everyone is like yeah fuck that guy and let me tell you

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when i was clicking on his post

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and the comments were all just about me i was giggling like i genuinely was like evil laughing

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and it's not because i love to see people like get fucked

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but like sometimes it it does satisfy the soul you know

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there have been countless occasions in my life where people have done me wrong

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and then they've got to run away from it people were in my corner

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and as a result of that he didn't get to run from what he did

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and he will eventually outrun this of course but for this week he didn't get to outrun what he did

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and let me tell you the first time I ever ran

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into a situation where someone got to outrun what they did to me I was 16

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and it was my first relationship and what they did to me

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and what they did to my family I'm not going to

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get into it this is something I've never spoke about online

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and I never will but what they did to me

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and what they did to my family was insane okay

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and right as they got found out

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and right as there was kind of this grand finale of

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like fuckeries in this part of my life they moved away and they started a new life somewhere else

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immediately they never they never had to see a consequence

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and my family went through all the pain of what they

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had done alone essentially without them ever having to even see us in pain they just got to leave

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and that was the first time that happened to me

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and the second time that it happened to me was one of my exes

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when I had broken up with them

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and then they essentially lost face felt embarrassed and they felt guilty

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because what they had done had hurt me they made up a bunch of lies

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and they essentially just did like a mini fucking smear campaign on me it was

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so weird it was so crazy and it was so dramatic

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because it was like in a small town it was like right in my face

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and um they never had to see me in pain and they never had to say sorry and

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none of their friends ever really knew what happened

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because they didn't really give a fuck and that's completely fair enough

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but I had to deal with knowing that no one knew the truth

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and that's why I was so good this time around

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because I was like I've done this before I know what this is

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and I know how to get through this now this time

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I actually got to say this is what this person did to me

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and people I could actually fucking cry people saw it

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and they defended me and they didn't like it

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and they showed me love and I didn't need any of those things

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because I've got through scenarios like this before without any of it

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and I trust myself to do that again if I have to

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but I didn't have to and I genuinely like it makes me fucking emotional because

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it also helped me to see how bad what they actually did to me was

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because I am right now unfortunately at a point in my life where I am desensitized to it

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and I don't fully have

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that kind of self -righteous defense mechanism of like you don't get to treat me like

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that like I'm still kind of at a point in my life where I'm resisting feeling a lot of anger

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because I don't want to because anger can be a very destructive force

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and I just know if I really let myself see it for what it is

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and feel the anger that I probably do need to feel about what he did

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and why he did it I will be a very unhappy person for a period of time

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and I just don't need to be

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that right now I'm busy I have money to make I

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have videos to post like I have life to live

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and joy to feel and experiences to be had and you're only young ones like I just

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don't want to fucking feel it but seeing people acknowledge it for what it is and feel that anger

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like I just feel like I can go like like I genuinely feel a such a large sense of relief

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and just like this is the first time in my life where I haven't had to scream to be heard

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I just had to say it

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and one of my biggest fears right now is like this

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guy is gonna drop a fucking to his track on me

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but like i said he's already done

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that before i just didn't know it for some reason let

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me read you the fucking lyrics actually let me not give him that promo

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anyway i guess what i really need you guys to fucking know is

470

that that love song the apology song please don't be fooled i keep seeing videos on my free page

471

if i was mad i would fold no bitch he wrote

472

that before and then he still did me that dirty

473

that song already fucking existed and then he still did me like

474

that in public

475

so no I will not be folding anytime soon don't panic um also I genuinely find it crazy

476

when people like it's a PR stunt she's in on it

477

you couldn't fucking pay me first of all there is no

478

amount of money you could offer me to ever humiliate myself like

479

that and in fact you actually could almost not pay me to have to post this series of videos

480

that I posted I find it embarrassing like I genuinely I think it's cute

481

and I do think it's fun

482

but also I'm like you actually had to make me my man had to make me like go online

483

and be like guys he's done something so embarrassing I have to publicly fucking disown him

484

whatever happened to like fucking opening doors for women

485

and like buying us stuff bring

486

that back i'm having to make a fucking video series online

487

because you embarrassed me so bad

488

that i actually can't have anyone think we're still together pookie

489

please have some fucking respect seriously like what the fuck

490

and like i do actually pride myself like i don't talk shit i don't know

491

if you guys have ever noticed

492

but like there's maybe i'll have to eat my words

493

but like i don't think so like there is nowhere

494

that you can go on any of my platforms where i'm like actually talking shit about someone okay

495

and this guy made me get on my fucking phone and talk shit because i had to

496

like he actually like forced me to play my hand and also like i already said this but like i

497

had to wait like 10 days before I said anything

498

because obviously like I needed him to drop the song

499

and I didn't want him to like change his verse

500

and make me look crazy or like god forbid not even drop the song um

501

because I needed you guys to hear it

502

because it was like the worst lyrics he's ever written like I said

503

when he first played me that song like all those months ago

504

my jaw was on the fucking floor I was like there

505

is actually no way your brain came up with these lyrics

506

and i was still trying to delude myself by being like

507

no like it's just lyrics like he's not really cheating on you with a guy in his phone and like

508

and then i just like the more i tried to convince

509

myself of it the more i was like damn he definitely

510

is also guys imagine this the day after i posted the tiktok videos i woke up on my period

511

and i had been like completely fine like i've been very antsy

512

and very uncomfortable

513

and just like i just wanted the whole thing to be over before i post the videos

514

and like i hadn't i did enjoy my birthday

515

but like i was also very heartbroken and just like had

516

that underlying feeling of just like almost being wet like you know

517

when you're just like you know when you're just like ridden with emotion

518

that your skin feels heavy and like i always feel like damp

519

when i'm like extremely hurt then i posted the videos

520

and i wanted to celebrate like okay we did it like

521

i finally got it out i got it off my chest

522

i don't have to feel like I'm going crazy anymore

523

and people can think what they think say what they say

524

like I had no idea how the conversation was gonna go once I post the videos

525

but I was like at least they're out there

526

and I can fucking it felt like I had finished exams like

527

that same relief I had

528

when I finished my A -levels finished my degree finished GCSEs whatever it was

529

that feeling of like oh you know and and that was before I even knew if people were gonna hate me

530

not give a fuck love me like I had no idea the conversation was gonna go the way it did

531

um not a clue and i couldn't have even gambled on it like i had no idea

532

and so i was like feeling okay i just kind of went to bed

533

that night like me and my friends all just like crashed into bed

534

like the most exhausted we would ever be

535

and the next morning i woke up

536

and i was like why do i feel worse than i have felt this entire time

537

and like i'm about to cry

538

and all i wanted to do was listen to mitski and i was like what is happening to me Okay.

539

I should be celebrating and then I started my period

540

and I was like and I realized

541

that in the stress of my entire week I had forgot

542

to take my pill once I hadn't taken it once I

543

was like oh my fucking god like I genuinely everything

544

that I have done for myself in the last week whether

545

it be eat a meal shower brush my teeth do my skincare stand up

546

and walk around breathe has been a conscious choice

547

and a conscious effort that I've had to put in

548

because I just know and sometimes you can just be in

549

so much pain and just be so confused and so lost

550

and so scared and I remember my mom telling me this

551

when I went through a breakup a couple years ago

552

and I was like crying in my room and she came in and she was like you know

553

sometimes you just have to breathe in and out

554

and that's two breaths that you've done since the event happened

555

and you just keep breathing and the more you breathe the more time will pass

556

and the pain will subside like sometimes the only thing you

557

can do is just keep breathing just don't fucking die and

558

and things will gradually fall back into place and

559

so in the worst moments I was just literally breathing I was like okay can't do anything else

560

but I will just inhale

561

and exhale in a very shallow manner until all of this is done

562

and it worked yippee i genuinely think this is the this

563

is the quickest i've ever gone over a breakup in my

564

fucking life not to say i'm like over it like i'm still obviously like very hurt

565

and i always feel very like maternal towards the people i

566

break up with like i just want to go cuddle them even

567

if i'm hurt i'm like no let me help you

568

but i've refrained from even doing that this time

569

because i'm like i have been taught throughout my life in

570

various ways by god by the universe to have self -control it's been a very continuous

571

and strict lesson for me to have an abnormal level of restraint

572

and of regularity and the ability to just like regulate regulate my emotions and

573

if i can give one guess this was why let me

574

tell you i have some serious fucking friends in my life

575

and i've always i've always been very lucky in the friendship department like i do make good friendship choices

576

which is shocking because i make obviously very poor romantic ones

577

but like my friendships are always the polar opposite of my relationships like they are just like

578

so healthy like my friend she took my life into her

579

own hands she nurtured it for me for an entire week whilst i cried

580

and she was ready for me the second i stood back

581

up she was ready with a plan she was ready with love she was ready with her time her resources

582

and there wasn't a single need that i have had in the last two weeks

583

that this friend hasn't met and i genuinely mean

584

that every morning she has woken up

585

and she's asked me what do you need today what can

586

i do for you like i i can't tell you guys

587

that i would actually be doing any of this

588

if it wasn't i wouldn't be doing any of this

589

if it wasn't for her i wouldn't be making this podcast

590

like there was a point in the first week before my

591

birthday where I was like I am gonna give up I

592

don't think I stand a chance in hell of ever not being fucking embarrassed about this

593

and of anyone ever thinking that I didn't have something to do with this

594

and I'm so humiliated and I'm so hurt and I'm

595

so lost I'm so scared that I am gonna delete my fucking social media accounts

596

and I'm genuinely never gonna get them back like I

597

and I feel bad

598

because I've had to be kind of selfish this week like

599

I haven't been texting a lot of my friends like I haven't been texting a lot of my like other friends

600

because I've been too overwhelmed like I just don't want to talk to anyone

601

that doesn't understand what's going on because it is

602

so draining for me to explain it and to get anything

603

but the exact response that I need right now I'm like uh

604

because it's just like it's I'm just

605

so drained like I'm the most drained I've ever been in my life

606

and I know I'm like shockingly okay

607

and it is genuine I am genuinely okay but like I am drained

608

and like it's not just this one

609

or two weeks of craziness that's drained me it's been three years okay

610

and now I'm like finally just like on my own

611

and I'm like whoa and I'm seeing it and I'm feeling it and I'm like I need the longest

612

fucking nap i'll tell you what i need i need like someone to come here

613

and give me a fucking bath then i need them to give me a massage

614

but like in my own bed then i need them to

615

leave me to sleep for like genuinely 24 fucking hours then

616

i need someone to bring me like a healthy meal like actually like power foods

617

and like a smoothie then i think i need to go sit in the sun for a in it?

618

and then i probably need like a fucking margarita and then

619

and then that'll be my process i just need

620

that like i just need like 48 hours of that like i just need someone to genuinely

621

fix my life like i just need like my body needs to be cared for

622

and you guys want to know what's

623

so cute on my birthday my friends planned a day of activities for me

624

and one of the things they did was they took me to the gun range

625

so that i could shoot shit up because i was fucking angry

626

and then they took me to go to her mom

627

which is basically like um basically they bathe you

628

so they lay you down on this like marble bed

629

and they exfoliate your entire body

630

and then they like lather you up in like butters

631

and they rinse you off and it is the most thorough cleansing

632

and they wash your hair too

633

and it's literally like being a baby like it is you are bathed

634

and it's all it's first of all it's amazing i'm gonna

635

get them once a month from now on i think

636

but it's like amazing for your body but it's also very nurturing

637

and just like if you are going through it i highly recommend visiting one

638

because it's just very caring

639

and it's just like it does things for your body in

640

ways we probably don't understand like you are meant to be touched you are meant to be hugged

641

and you're meant to be loved and when

642

that gets very suddenly stripped from you your body is shocked

643

like you don't know what's happening your body does not know what's happening your body is a fucking ancient being

644

that doesn't know what just happened to it right especially like you put it through trauma

645

and it's gonna support you and it's gonna help you

646

but it doesn't know and so you sometimes even

647

if your brain is in a hundred places you have to pick yourself up as

648

if you are a baby and treat yourself as such

649

so my friends booked the gun rage

650

and then they went sent me straight to her mom afterwards

651

and it just genuinely like fixed me from deep within

652

because they sent me there like I didn't even have to know

653

that I should go there or have the thought to book it like they saw

654

that I was angry and they saw

655

that I needed first of all a really good fucking shower I didn't even have to ask

656

and here's the thing like I have spent three years standing in front of someone

657

and saying these are my morals these are my intentions this

658

is what I stand for this is who I am only to hear back you're wrong about all of

659

that and now I'm gonna beef you over it

660

and then I met this friend of mine

661

and all I have to do is stand in front of her

662

and she sees everything I am everything I stand for

663

but there is just a level of seeing

664

that i have never really had before in my life of just like she looks at me

665

and she sees me also guys my skin has cleared in

666

the last week of my life despite being the most stressful my acne has almost completely disappeared

667

and i think we all know why okay anyways i think

668

that's really all i have to say on this week's episode of pretty lonesome

669

and i don't want to come on here and like trash someone's name

670

and like drop a bunch of crazy tea that I don't have to

671

and like say things

672

that are just like jabs like it's not my interest what I do want is for people to fully understand

673

and please get it in your fucking heads this was never

674

a PR stunt on my side it was a PR stunt

675

on theirs that's where it gets confusing did he cheat on me I have no idea he blindsided me

676

and he betrayed me that is what i do know

677

and as far as i am aware they were a pr stunt the issue is was i was his girlfriend

678

so what the fuck are you doing not telling me

679

and actually what are you doing doing that in the first place

680

but also what are you doing not telling me the whole

681

thing was fucking weird i had no idea it was happening

682

and i they did not run it past me they did

683

not get my consent they didn't run it past my team anyway what

684

that guy did was fucking crazy okay and And let's just not forget that he was the one who owed me honesty,

685

transparency, truth, respect, communication, and that regardless of other factors,

686

the bottom line is no one else owed me that, okay?

687

and and it doesn't mean that other things aren't true or

688

that people can't have their opinions about other things

689

but he is the only person that i can

690

or will hold accountable for any of this so with

691

that being said thank you for watching this week's episode of

692

pretty lonesome i am about to fucking pass out this was the most draining two weeks of my life

693

and like i genuinely said to my friend i wish we had rigged her flat with like big brother style cameras

694

because if you guys could see what we have been doing for the past week

695

and a half in that fucking flat you would actually die like we have been laughing hysterically crying and like

696

spinning in circles we haven't gone outside like

697

if you could see the amount of trash we've produced from back to back to back food orders

698

and just like i can't even tell you how hard we have laughed at some of the things

699

that have come up thank you for listening to me ramble

700

thank you for believing me thank you for seeing me thank you for advocating for me vouching for me

701

and thank you for fucking up that man's comment section

702

because i hate when people get to run from the shit they do

703

and here's to sneaky men not getting away with fucking anything

704

in 2024 we need to instill fear back into men seriously okay i love you guys

705

so much i'll see you next week thank you for listening

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FOR YOU

你能学到什么

这段视频能帮你提升两项实用口语技能：一是情绪表达中的语速控制， speaker 在讲述激烈经历时仍能保持清晰叙事，可学习如何在激动状态下调整语速；二是口语中的逻辑衔接，她用“actually”“so”等词串联事件，适合练习自然过渡。此外，通过shadow speech模仿，还能掌握日常对话中“脏话”的口语用法（如“fuck”的弱化表达），理解其情绪色彩而非字面意思。

注意这些语音现象

视频中存在多处连读和弱读：“kind of”弱读为/kən dəv/，“did not”连读成/dɪdnt/，“I was”快速发音时弱化为/aɪ wəz/。此外，“going crazy”中的“g”音略读，形成流畅的口语节奏。这些语音细节是“看视频学英语”时需重点捕捉的，能帮你听懂真实对话中的连读模式。

像母语者一样表达

模仿时注意重音和节奏：speaker 在强调关键信息（如“五天”“没吃没喝”）时会加重语气，而在铺垫细节时语速加快。练习时可使用“shadowing site”，逐句跟读并录音对比。例如，“I lay there and I didn't eat and I didn't drink”一句，需突出“didn't eat”“didn't drink”的重音，同时保持整体流畅。通过英语口语练习中的“shadowing”技巧，你能逐渐掌握这种自然的轻重缓急，让表达更具感染力。记住，shadowspeaks的核心是“边听边说”，而非机械重复，要专注于节奏和情绪的匹配。

视频中的语法

说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：

结构	视频中的用法
条件句 if + 从句，will/would + 动词 — 条件及其结果	if i was mad i would fold · if it wasn't i wouldn't be · if it wasn't for her i wouldn't be
现在完成进行时 have/has been + -ing — 以前开始、现在仍在继续的动作	i've been laughing · haven't been texting · have been doing
“used to” used to + 动词 — 过去的习惯或状态，现在已不再如此	used to love · used to know
现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事	has caught · I've done · have thought

什么是跟读法？

跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟读法: 阅读完整分步指南 →

跟读练习: Yapping again // EP 39 - Pretty Lonesome with Madeline Argy - 通过视频学习英语口语

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同频道

Navigating Friendships, Sexuality and Jealousy // EP 5 - Pretty Lonesome

get ready with me to shoot my Samsøe Samsøe collection !!!

why i'm not scared of being perceived anymore // EP 110

making female friendships? // EP 109

How to Cope as a Useless Lonely Rat // EP 108

the power of choice // EP 100

thoughts on sex // EP 78

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注意这些语音现象

像母语者一样表达

视频中的语法

什么是跟读法？

跟读练习: Yapping again // EP 39 - Pretty Lonesome with Madeline Argy - 通过视频学习英语口语

选择练习模式

下载应用

Navigating Friendships, Sexuality and Jealousy // EP 5 - Pretty Lonesome

get ready with me to shoot my Samsøe Samsøe collection !!!

why i'm not scared of being perceived anymore // EP 110

making female friendships? // EP 109

How to Cope as a Useless Lonely Rat // EP 108

the power of choice // EP 100

thoughts on sex // EP 78

things that are elevating my life | Episode 48

Taylor Swift – august (Official Lyric Video)

Therapist Reacts To: Labour by Paris Paloma *follow-up thoughts to come bc I didn’t do it justice*

Jack Doherty Just F*cking Lost Everything..

People Read Their Last Breakup Texts

Callum and Ben talk - EastEnders (06/06/19)

TALKING TO MY SELF INFRONT OF FIANCÉE PRANK * BAD IDEA * 😳

storytime: i caught my ex CHEATING

Cardi B: Making “Imaginary Playerz” & AM I THE DRAMA? | Zane Lowe Interview

YUNGBLUD on Depression and Mental Health | Unmasked

I Trolled the TAYLOR SWIFT Fandom...

HE BROKE HIS LEG ON PURPOSE!

你能学到什么

注意这些语音现象

像母语者一样表达

视频中的语法

什么是跟读法？

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