Shadowing Practice: Yapping again // EP 39 - Pretty Lonesome with Madeline Argy - Learn English Speaking with Video
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1
welcome back to this week's episode of pretty lonesome this week
Bu haftaki "Pretty Lonesome" bölümüne tekrar hoş geldiniz.
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as i'm sure you can imagine we have a little bit
Tahmin edebileceğiniz gibi, bizde biraz var.
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to discuss this week i did put out a series on
Bu hafta ele aldığımız konu hakkında bir dizi yazı yayınladım.
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tiktok talking about what my ex -boyfriend round of applause please
TikTok'ta eski erkek arkadaşımdan bahsediyor, lütfen alkışlayın.
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did to me my ex -boyfriend um kind of publicly violated
Eski erkek arkadaşım bana, bir nevi herkesin gözü önünde, cinsel tacizde bulundu.
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me through the means of using me as a pawn in his pr stunt
beni kendi PR gösterisinde piyon olarak kullanarak beni manipüle etti.
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and also not informing me of his pr stunt
ve ayrıca bana bu PR gösterisinden de bahsetmedi.
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which was to essentially make it look like he's sleeping with
Bu da esasen onun biriyle birlikte yattığı izlenimini yaratmak içindi.
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another girl who obviously was not me the number one thing that has caught my eye this week from like
Bu hafta dikkatimi çeken en önemli şey, belli ki ben olmayan başka bir kızdı; mesela...
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people's comments was how the fuck is she
İnsanların yorumları "Bu kadın nasıl böyle olabilir?" şeklindeydi.
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so calm guys let me tell you i was not
Sakin olun arkadaşlar, size söyleyeyim ben sakin değildim.
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and i don't know how I've done this
Ve bunu nasıl başardığımı bilmiyorum.
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so quickly to turn myself around actually I do know
Kendimi bu kadar çabuk toparlayabildiğimi aslında biliyorum.
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but for the first five days after I found out what was happening
ama olan biteni öğrendikten sonraki ilk beş gün boyunca...
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and I found out the first of July I literally almost died like I was laying in bed going crazy
Ve bunu 1 Temmuz'da öğrendim, kelimenin tam anlamıyla az kalsın ölüyordum, yatakta deliriyordum.
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and I lay there and I didn't eat
Orada uzandım ve yemek yemedim.
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and I didn't drink I didn't even pee I didn't do anything like I just lay there
Ne su içtim, ne de tuvalete gittim, hiçbir şey yapmadım, sadece orada uzandım.
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and I sweat like I was in a pile of sweat
Ve sanki bir ter yığınının içindeymişim gibi terledim.
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because I knew I couldn't say anything because there was no fucking way
Çünkü hiçbir şey söyleyemeyeceğimi biliyordum, çünkü bunun hiçbir yolu yoktu.
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that you were about to catch me genuinely tweaking online I
Beni internette gerçekten de kafayı dağıtırken yakalamak üzereydin, değil mi?
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knew I had to sit on my fucking hands until I was calm enough to speak
Konuşabilecek kadar sakinleşene kadar ellerimi kollarımın arasına alıp oturmak zorunda olduğumu biliyordum.
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and advocate for myself properly and say what I needed to say
ve kendimi gerektiği gibi savunup söylemem gerekenleri söyleyebildim.
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and say it well and say it calmly
ve bunu iyi ve sakin bir şekilde söyleyin.
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and not clearly look like I was going crazy and
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so I knew I just had to sit there
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and take it for a week
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and i also knew this is something i need you guys
28
to know i knew the release date for this song and
Bu şarkının çıkış tarihini bildiğimi bilmek ve
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so i knew that it was coming out on either the 11th or the 12th
Bu yüzden 11'inde ya da 12'sinde çıkacağını biliyordum.
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he actually told me the 12th it came out on the 11th
Aslında bana 12'sinde çıkacağını söylemişti, oysa 11'inde çıktı.
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but whatever um i knew the release date
Ama neyse, çıkış tarihini biliyordum zaten.
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and this all happened on the 2nd of july the 2nd of july was
Ve tüm bunlar 2 Temmuz'da oldu. 2 Temmuz,
33
when they were first seen together in public and so i knew
Onları ilk kez birlikte kamuoyu önünde gördüklerinde anladım.
34
that was how long i had to get my shit together
Kendimi toparlamak için o kadar zamanım vardı.
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i actually didn't want to say anything before they dropped the song
Şarkı yayınlanmadan önce aslında hiçbir şey söylemek istememiştim.
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because i needed to make sure they were going to drop it i needed to make sure
Çünkü onların bu konuyu bırakacaklarından emin olmam gerekiyordu, emin olmam gerekiyordu
37
that this guy thought i was never going to speak
Bu adam benim asla konuşmayacağımı sanıyordu.
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and never going to say anything and just sit there
ve asla hiçbir şey söylemeyecek ve sadece orada oturacak.
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and take his shit um because i wanted him to drop
ve onun saçmalıklarını al, çünkü onun bırakmasını istiyordum.
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that song and i needed you guys to hear the verse
O şarkı ve sizin de o bölümü duymanızı istedim.
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because i did not want to be alone with the knowledge of what was in
Çünkü içimde olanların bilgisiyle yalnız kalmak istemiyordum.
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that verse and obviously i couldn't like say what it was before the release date
O dize ve açıkçası, yayın tarihinden önce ne olduğunu söyleyemezdim.
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because i would have got sued
Çünkü dava edilebilirdim.
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so i had about 10 days to really get it together
Yani her şeyi toparlamak için yaklaşık 10 günüm vardı.
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so for the first five days i lay in bed
Yani ilk beş gün yatakta yattım.
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and i didn't move and i didn't eat
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and i didn't drink i didn't do fucking anything on the fifth day i decided
Ve içki içmedim, beşinci günde hiçbir şey yapmadım, karar verdim.
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that i would go
gideceğimi
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and get a coffee okay actually no here's what happened on the fifth day I was nearly dead
Ve bir kahve içelim, tamam mı? Aslında hayır, işte beşinci günde olanlar: neredeyse ölüyordum.
50
because I hadn't consumed anything like anything I'd had like a nibble of a brownie
Çünkü daha önce yediğim, bir parça kek gibi bir şeye benzer hiçbir şey tüketmemiştim.
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and that was it
Ve olay bu kadardı.
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and like maybe half a bottle of water over all the days like I don't know how I did
Ve tüm günler boyunca belki de sadece yarım şişe su içtim, nasıl yaptığımı bilmiyorum.
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that I didn't even know the days had gone by like I literally just fucking laid there
Günlerin nasıl geçtiğini bile fark etmedim, resmen öylece uzanıp kaldım.
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and I woke up and my heart was beating out my chest not in a way
Uyandığımda kalbim göğsümden fırlayacak gibi atıyordu, hem de normal bir şekilde değil.
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that I was scared in a way
Bir bakıma korkmuştum.
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that like it's struggling like my heart I was like I actually think I'm about to fucking die
Kalbim çok hızlı atıyordu, sanki gerçekten ölecekmişim gibi hissettim.
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so i went downstairs and i like i had these freddos in my fridge that i had for ages and
Aşağı indim ve buzdolabımda uzun zamandır duran Freddo çikolataları olduğunu gördüm.
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if you're american you're not lucky enough to know what a
Eğer Amerikalıysanız, bir şeyin ne olduğunu bilecek kadar şanslı değilsiniz.
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freddo is they're these little chocolates like this size in the shape of a frog
Freddo, kurbağa şeklinde, şu büyüklükte küçük çikolatalar.
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and they are so fucking good and i had them
Ve inanılmaz derecede lezzetlilerdi, ben de onlardan yedim.
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and i cracked open a can of water and then i chugged it
Bir kutu suyu açtım ve bir dikişte içtim.
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and i chugged four cans of water in a row
ve arka arkaya dört kutu suyu bir dikişte içtim.
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and I ate the entire like five pack of freddos
Ve o beşli paket Freddo'nun tamamını yedim.
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and I nearly threw up I felt so sick
Ve kendimi o kadar kötü hissettim ki neredeyse kusacaktım.
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and then as like my body absorbed whatever's in that my heart slowed down it took me about an hour
ve sonra vücudum içindeki her şeyi emdikçe kalbim yavaşladı, bu yaklaşık bir saat sürdü.
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of my heart being as
kalbimin olduğu gibi
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if I had just like sprinted for five minutes like I'm not kidding you
Eğer beş dakika boyunca depar atsaydım, şaka yapmıyorum,
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and it was so like heavy too um it took me about an hour to get rid of it and then
Ve çok ağırdı da, ondan kurtulmam yaklaşık bir saatimi aldı.
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my body like regulated itself
Vücudum sanki kendini düzenledi.
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and I was like I need to get up my birthday is on the 7th of July
Ben de "Kalkmam lazım, doğum günüm 7 Temmuz'da" diye düşündüm.
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and so this is like t -minus two fucking days to my birthday
Yani doğum günüme sadece iki gün kaldı.
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and I had cancelled all my plans
ve ben de tüm planlarımı iptal etmiştim.
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and people had offered me plans like do you want to come to the Hamptons we'll throw you a party
İnsanlar bana "Hamptons'a gelmek ister misin, sana parti veririz" gibi planlar önerdiler.
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and I was like no I was meant to have gone to Saint -Tropez with my friends
Ben de "Hayır, ben arkadaşlarımla Saint-Tropez'e gitmeliydim" dedim.
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and I was gonna pay for everyone to come out
ve herkesin gelmesi için ödeme yapacaktım.
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and have this like big birthday party
ve böyle büyük bir doğum günü partisi yapalım
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and I just didn't want to go I didn't want to see anyone
Ve ben gitmek istemedim, kimseyi görmek istemedim.
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because I didn't want to fucking talk about it
Çünkü bu konuda konuşmak istemiyordum.
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and I knew people were gonna ask me about it
Ve insanların bana bununla ilgili sorular soracağını biliyordum.
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and I just didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me
Ve kimsenin bana acımasını istemiyordum.
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and like I just didn't want to face anyone so I cancelled my birthday plans
Ve kimseyle yüzleşmek istemediğim için doğum günü planlarımı iptal ettim.
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and I wasn't gonna go anywhere
ve ben hiçbir yere gitmeyi düşünmüyordum.
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and on the 5th I drove myself to Costa Coffee
ve 5'inde kendim arabamla Costa Coffee'ye gittim.
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which is like I didn't even know those still existed
Yani, bunların hala var olduğunu bile bilmiyordum.
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but the only drive -thru place near me is a Costa
Ama bana en yakın arabaya servis veren yer Costa.
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and I had not showered in like five days
ve yaklaşık beş gündür duş almamıştım.
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so I couldn't go in anywhere
Bu yüzden hiçbir yere giremedim.
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so I was like I have to go to the drive through I went to the drive -thru
Ben de "Arabayla sipariş vermem gerek" diye düşündüm ve arabayla sipariş verme yerine gittim.
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and I got a cappuccino and then I sat in the parking lot
Bir kapuçino aldım ve sonra otoparkta oturdum.
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and I drank it and because I had basically nothing in my stomach it hit me like a fucking truck
Ve onu içtim ve midemde neredeyse hiçbir şey olmadığı için, sanki bir kamyon çarpmış gibi hissettim.
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and I knew
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that was what I needed it zapped me back to life
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like I literally woke up like a robot in the movies
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and I texted my friend
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and I was like what am I gonna do I need a plan like I've just died for five days
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and now I'm back and I need to fix this
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and she was like
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so glad you asked here is your entire life on a
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platter I have thought about this for you for five days
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I've planned it for you for five days now all you need to do is tweak it and enact it
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I never knew about genuine like I've had I am very lucky in my friendships
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and I've always had good friendships this one is creating a
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whole new level of what love can even look like for me
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because when i tell you this girl is the sole reason
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that i am even half as stable as i am right
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now she has saved my fucking ass like i was i don't think
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that if i had to be the one by myself to fix this
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and think up a way to tell people
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and get up the confidence to tell people
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and even just get out of my bed
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if it was all just up to me
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and I was just by myself there's no way I would
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have done it mind you this girl is my team
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when people talk about my PR team it's my friend like
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I'm not kidding you she has everything you've seen come from
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me in the last week it's her she is the one
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that empowered me to do it enabled me to do it
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and told me to do it like none of this would have happened without her
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and she nurtured my life like she picked up the shamble
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of what my life was on the first of July
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and said can I take this
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and I was like have it I don't care like I was really ready to just delete my social media
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and I'll tell you why I didn't think that there was any way
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that I could come out of this situation in a way
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that helped me I genuinely believed the second he put me up against her
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because that's essentially what he did
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because he's a pig he essentially put me against another woman
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and it shouldn't be that way but everyone knows
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that that's exactly what's gonna happen when you do something like
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that i just didn't think that there was anything
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that i could say or any truth that i could give to the internet
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that would make them care like i just i can't even describe it
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but like my biggest fear ever since i got into the relationship with him was always
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if I ever want to leave the relationship what will happen
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like I'm gonna get bullied what's gonna like come from it like it's always just been a huge fear of mine
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like what happens when I leave you know and he forced my hand
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because I can't go back to you after
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that I can't be seen with you after
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that what do I do now like I either walk away in silence
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or i make a bunch of noise and risk a lot
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and also i've intentionally never made a lot of noise about anything
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because i don't like when people talk shit online and
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so i've never done it even in positions where it may
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have been warranted let's not forget this guy basically dropped a
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diss track on me let her go is uh surely a diss track
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because i never really listened to the lyrics before i was like he he made a song about me
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and then i listened to it now that i like hate him
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and i was listening and i was like
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so anyway um i kind of sat up on the fifth
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and was like okay i'm not doing this anymore like i
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need to fix this on the sixth the night before my
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birthday my friends came to my house dressed like gorillas
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and they ripped me out my house
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and then seventh they had a whole day of activities planned for me
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and then i went back to their house on the 7th
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and i haven't left since and it's currently the 15th of july
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and i still have not gone home because i have just needed people
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and i have not needed to be alone like i've really
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needed people to just constantly tell me like you're okay
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and like just be there and laugh about it with me
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because it really can't be that fucking deep and let me tell you something i didn't think what he did was bad.
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until people online told me it was bad um like I knew it was bad because I knew I was hurt
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but I've been with this guy for three years and I do think a lot of my brain is like
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wired quite badly right now and it's something I'm gonna have to work on for a while but like
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I didn't know how bad what he actually did was I knew it was bad
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and that's when I made those videos and I posted it
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but I was very desensitized and just like still in a lot of shock
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and i just made the videos and then i posted them
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and the reaction that it got and the things
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that i saw other girls and like women saying about what he had done
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and how they would have felt
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and reacted made me realize oh my fucking god this guy
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fucked me like it what he did was not minor like
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it was a huge betrayal personally professionally in every way it could have been
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and i think for me like the saddest part
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and not to make this actually emotional
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because i do want everyone to like just kind of giggle at this
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because that is what i've been laughing i've laughed probably the hardest
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and the most i've ever laughed this week of my life
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but like i i it's hard for me to make this podcast
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and it was hard for me to make those tiktoks
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because as deranged as it is i am fresh out of
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that relationship and it was a nearly three -year relationship for me
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and i am still very attached to that guy i won't go back
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and i can promise you that but it is hard to know
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that what i'm doing right now is going to make him feel bad
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but i have to remember he does not think
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that way about me he was fine to post up with her he was fine to see me hurt
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and do it again and again and again and again
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and again and then laugh about it and
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when i saw like after i posted my tiktok videos
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and then i see him post his video and he's like laughing actually they both were
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i nearly did something paranormal but you guys want to know something crazy
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so after i posted those videos a couple days later well actually it was one day later
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because it's only been two days um he put up on his story a snippet of a song
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and people thought that it's an apology song
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because it's obviously fucking about me
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and it is him talking about how he wishes he's not the villain
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and um something about his career has lots of women in it let me tell you something about this
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song that is not and this is probably the only thing i can legally say
201
that is not a new song okay i've heard
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that song before i used to love that song it's not released but uh that was written
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months ago um and obviously in the note
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that he had posted on tiktok
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because it's like a sound clip in his notes app it says like 15th of july 2024
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because he's smart and he obviously fucking did
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that on purpose yeah i'm just gonna need everyone to know
208
that he wrote that song as loving
209
and as sweet as it does sound then he did everything we just seen him do
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okay that was before he did all that he doesn't have remorse okay
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that is an old song and he's just like promoting it now
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and i obviously knew that everything that i was gonna post was gonna like send
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so much attention to him and send eyes to him and i didn't mind because that's really not
214
i'm not here to like try
215
and ruin his career i really don't care his life is his life it doesn't affect me
216
if he's successful if he's not whatever i just needed to make sure
217
that no one thought that i could ever stand by that
218
and also he did betray me and you don't get to do
219
that and run from it like you don't get to actually traumatize a person
220
because that is traumatizing like to feel that kind of fear helplessness um
221
and then be like publicly violated like that is genuinely scary especially
222
when it comes from someone that you do trust and
223
that you do love and then I felt too bad to even speak out against it
224
and I had to have my friends borderline fucking convince me
225
to do it to make any of those videos I obviously
226
am not cut out to date a rapper i think it is a treacherous fucking job
227
and i did understand
228
when i first started dating him like oh he is a rapper like obviously there's gonna be like certain things
229
and mind you we met
230
when his career was a tenth of the size it is today okay
231
and so i have we have grown together and i've watched him grow
232
and i've understood the entire time who i'm dating and that
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obviously dating a rapper is gonna come with certain song lyrics
234
certain marketing things there's gonna be women around all the time
235
and that was understood by me very clearly
236
and i did always say to him like
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if you have to do certain things for marketing like i
238
don't know have a bunch of girls in a car have
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a bunch of girls in your video okay like i get it it's you know
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that is absolutely fine like of course like i'm not gonna tell you
241
that you can't do that that would be actually fucking horrible of me
242
and it would be and if i don't want to hit
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that i don't have to date a rapper but i understood
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that i understood it very clearly mind you um my thing was always like
245
but you have to keep me informed like
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because it is a little bit hurtful and i can put
247
that hurt aside in the name of something greater for you in the name of your career i can put
248
that aside on the condition that we have a strong foundation in our personal relationship
249
because it's not normal what he's doing it's hurtful to see
250
your boyfriend with other girls regardless of the context regardless of
251
what you know about the situation okay it's always gonna be hurtful it's always just gonna suck
252
but the agreement was just let me know keep me informed
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and we can be the most powerful fucking couple like it
254
can genuinely be us against the fucking world all we have
255
to do is be like this like that's it just communicate be my best friend
256
and everything else will fall into place and he took that
257
and he fucking destroyed it it is it was a huge ask
258
and it was a major compromise and i did it anyway
259
and he threw it in my fucking face
260
and then he took a shit on me pookie what the fuck like i genuinely have never been more like
261
what the fuck is
262
that about like you had everything it's like this story right
263
i used to know these people actually they were a friend of a friend
264
and they were in an open relationship right and
265
so their agreement was you can fuck anyone you want
266
but you have to tell me who you fuck
267
and you have to tell me like check with me before about the person
268
but like they were both fucking other people right
269
so the guy goes out secretly fuck someone doesn't tell the girl about it regardless of
270
that she would have said yeah that's fine
271
and still managed to find a way to cheat on his open relationship
272
and it's just like what is wrong with you it's like
273
you have this narrative where you have to lie you have to sneak
274
and you have to betray
275
and I've given you every genuine opportunity to not have to do
276
that at the expense of myself and you still fucked up
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crazy work next time i date a man he's not getting
278
any fucking leash you are going to be heel heel next
279
man i date is gonna know heel he's gonna know sit okay he's gonna know crate
280
there's gonna be absolutely zero freedom in that relationship
281
and matter of fact i am undateable right now completely undateable untouchable obviously i'm fresh out of breakup
282
so i'm anyway
283
but like every man on earth will pay for his actions after i posted those videos
284
because i'm actually a normal fucking person all i wanted to do was like go find him
285
and give him a fucking hug
286
because it's horrible like no one wants to see someone
287
that they love and trust talk about them like
288
that publicly also the screenshots i was pushing my fucking luck there
289
but like it was funny but like
290
and i know i have this like bad bitch mindset
291
that i'm trying to enforce where i'm like no like fuck
292
that guy like he did do me like fucking filth he really did me like filth
293
and i have every right to do what i just fucking did
294
and people like
295
that do deserve to have their names a little bit slandered
296
like come on pookie like you have to understand like take
297
that on the chin
298
and move on like that's all he needs to do you
299
will be fine genuinely go on untouched you know what i mean like just take it on the chin
300
and fuck off but all i wanted to do was like go find him
301
and be like i'm sorry like i didn't want to do
302
that and i had to check myself
303
and be like babe look at all his fucking videos he's laughing at you like he this guy hates you
304
and here's the thing i genuinely believe
305
that a man can be in love with someone
306
and fucking hate them at the same fucking time no i shouldn't feel bad
307
but i am actually a human being
308
but i think that's also what makes me so sad is
309
because like how did he not feel
310
that like how did he genuinely post what he posted
311
and like make it look the way he made it look and lied to me the way he lied to me
312
and let me see what i had to see and not
313
how does anyone do
314
that like i genuinely don't get it like to me what he did is worse than cheating
315
and it's not even like it's not i've seen a lot of confusion about what actually happened
316
and what i actually beefed him over he'd as far as i'm aware it wasn't
317
that he actually cheated on me like i don't know
318
if he did i don't know i'm not even going to speak on that
319
because i have no idea what happened behind those doors like
320
i don't know what they're up to what hurt me is
321
that he intentionally publicly humiliated me and
322
when i say intentionally i do of course mean with intention
323
he could have told me more than 12 hours before
324
because this was planned weeks and months in advance and even
325
if the date was a last minute thing the content of
326
the music video was fucking insane like there's actually a clip
327
where there's it's meant to look like she's sucking his dick
328
right also guys you want to know something fucking hilarious i
329
got a call from his team after i posted the tiktoks
330
and she was like the girl on the end of the phone was like you lied
331
and i panicked i was like oh my god what did
332
i lie about like racking my brain to think maybe i got something wrong
333
and she was like he didn't only buy you a tank top from chrome hearts
334
and i burst into laughter i said my bad he actually he bought me shorts too she went yeah he did
335
pookie what the fuck the way i laughed in this woman's face
336
and i actually hate to be disrespectful
337
but what the fuck are you saying to me right now what the actual fuck are you saying
338
and when i i genuinely shit myself you lied wait what
339
when she said that i was like if this is the worst thing
340
if i can post those four videos
341
and this is what you call me about i would say i got like an a star
342
that's all his team could beef me about was the fact
343
that he actually did buy me shorts from chrome hearts too
344
that is literally the funniest fucking thing they had me shitting
345
myself it's like oh my god what did i lie about
346
what did i lie about he bought you shorts ah the the the support
347
that i received just like from the internet in general after i posted that video guys
348
i i could cry just even talking about it
349
because it's been such a fear of mine
350
that people were gonna laugh at me because i did let
351
that guy treat me like shit and there's a very mean side to the internet
352
and people could be like you're fucking pathetic like you actually let him do
353
that and i did but i also didn't like there were things i knew about
354
and there were things that i weren't but i was just always
355
so scared to leave and like have him do essentially what exactly what he fucking did
356
and i find it like horrible
357
because he kind of forced my hand like he didn't really
358
give me a choice to back away from this peacefully like there was no preparation
359
that would have allowed any narrative to happen
360
that didn't make me a direct conversation
361
when it comes to what just happened like he didn't do anything to prepare it in a way
362
that was clearly like it didn't involve me like we had
363
been seen together in Nigeria like like he had posted me on his Instagram like there was nothing to suggest
364
that I wasn't still like a very prominent figure in his life
365
and that we were having like a good healthy relationship like he didn't prepare it in a thoughtful way
366
and i genuinely think that he did that intentionally
367
because unfortunately the more conversation that surrounds a thing like
368
that the bigger it gets and the more money he gets
369
and it's not so much about like integrity of character
370
or like how good of a person he seems like
371
because i'll be so honest with you it doesn't fucking matter they know it doesn't fucking matter like
372
why not use me as a like it doesn't matter how people see him he will continue to succeed
373
and that's fine that's his life it's not mine and i just think like
374
it's crazy but i am actually so impressed with the way
375
that i have found peace with all of this so quickly
376
because there is really something to be said for aging
377
when it comes to inner peace because guys sometimes you just have to sit back
378
and throw your fucking arms up well what can i do
379
well
380
that happened fuck it fuck it on to the next here's
381
the thing i've had some seriously tragic scenarios happen in my
382
life thus far okay this not even being one of them
383
and as painful as they have been at the time they have always led to something
384
that i now would argue i couldn't live without, right? i can't cry about having a lot on my plate
385
when my intention was to eat you know what i mean
386
and if he's gonna pull a pr stunt i will be taking the revenue thank you
387
and i just think he's probably so fucking shocked
388
and i think this is the funniest part about all of
389
it i think he's genuinely sat at home with his fucking jaw on the floor i genuinely don't think
390
that he thought
391
that anyone would ever give a fuck about something i was gonna say like i think
392
that he both wanted me to be publicly a little bit embarrassed
393
and like have that conversation going on the sideline of like what's going on
394
because it does benefit him but i also don't think he ever thought
395
or ever bargained on the fact that people could ever give
396
that kind of a fuck about me to the point where
397
they're gonna actually call him out for his shit like i
398
think he just thought i was like uh like an npc in his plan almost
399
that would never say anything against him and even
400
if i did people aren't gonna give a fuck you know
401
we have these two powerful entities what fucking chance do i stand
402
and that's exactly how i saw it too so imagine my surprise
403
when everyone is like yeah fuck that guy and let me tell you
404
when i was clicking on his post
405
and the comments were all just about me i was giggling like i genuinely was like evil laughing
406
and it's not because i love to see people like get fucked
407
but like sometimes it it does satisfy the soul you know
408
there have been countless occasions in my life where people have done me wrong
409
and then they've got to run away from it people were in my corner
410
and as a result of that he didn't get to run from what he did
411
and he will eventually outrun this of course but for this week he didn't get to outrun what he did
412
and let me tell you the first time I ever ran
413
into a situation where someone got to outrun what they did to me I was 16
414
and it was my first relationship and what they did to me
415
and what they did to my family I'm not going to
416
get into it this is something I've never spoke about online
417
and I never will but what they did to me
418
and what they did to my family was insane okay
419
and right as they got found out
420
and right as there was kind of this grand finale of
421
like fuckeries in this part of my life they moved away and they started a new life somewhere else
422
immediately they never they never had to see a consequence
423
and my family went through all the pain of what they
424
had done alone essentially without them ever having to even see us in pain they just got to leave
425
and that was the first time that happened to me
426
and the second time that it happened to me was one of my exes
427
when I had broken up with them
428
and then they essentially lost face felt embarrassed and they felt guilty
429
because what they had done had hurt me they made up a bunch of lies
430
and they essentially just did like a mini fucking smear campaign on me it was
431
so weird it was so crazy and it was so dramatic
432
because it was like in a small town it was like right in my face
433
and um they never had to see me in pain and they never had to say sorry and
434
none of their friends ever really knew what happened
435
because they didn't really give a fuck and that's completely fair enough
436
but I had to deal with knowing that no one knew the truth
437
and that's why I was so good this time around
438
because I was like I've done this before I know what this is
439
and I know how to get through this now this time
440
I actually got to say this is what this person did to me
441
and people I could actually fucking cry people saw it
442
and they defended me and they didn't like it
443
and they showed me love and I didn't need any of those things
444
because I've got through scenarios like this before without any of it
445
and I trust myself to do that again if I have to
446
but I didn't have to and I genuinely like it makes me fucking emotional because
447
it also helped me to see how bad what they actually did to me was
448
because I am right now unfortunately at a point in my life where I am desensitized to it
449
and I don't fully have
450
that kind of self -righteous defense mechanism of like you don't get to treat me like
451
that like I'm still kind of at a point in my life where I'm resisting feeling a lot of anger
452
because I don't want to because anger can be a very destructive force
453
and I just know if I really let myself see it for what it is
454
and feel the anger that I probably do need to feel about what he did
455
and why he did it I will be a very unhappy person for a period of time
456
and I just don't need to be
457
that right now I'm busy I have money to make I
458
have videos to post like I have life to live
459
and joy to feel and experiences to be had and you're only young ones like I just
460
don't want to fucking feel it but seeing people acknowledge it for what it is and feel that anger
461
like I just feel like I can go like like I genuinely feel a such a large sense of relief
462
and just like this is the first time in my life where I haven't had to scream to be heard
463
I just had to say it
464
and one of my biggest fears right now is like this
465
guy is gonna drop a fucking to his track on me
466
but like i said he's already done
467
that before i just didn't know it for some reason let
468
me read you the fucking lyrics actually let me not give him that promo
469
anyway i guess what i really need you guys to fucking know is
470
that that love song the apology song please don't be fooled i keep seeing videos on my free page
471
if i was mad i would fold no bitch he wrote
472
that before and then he still did me that dirty
473
that song already fucking existed and then he still did me like
474
that in public
475
so no I will not be folding anytime soon don't panic um also I genuinely find it crazy
476
when people like it's a PR stunt she's in on it
477
you couldn't fucking pay me first of all there is no
478
amount of money you could offer me to ever humiliate myself like
479
that and in fact you actually could almost not pay me to have to post this series of videos
480
that I posted I find it embarrassing like I genuinely I think it's cute
481
and I do think it's fun
482
but also I'm like you actually had to make me my man had to make me like go online
483
and be like guys he's done something so embarrassing I have to publicly fucking disown him
484
whatever happened to like fucking opening doors for women
485
and like buying us stuff bring
486
that back i'm having to make a fucking video series online
487
because you embarrassed me so bad
488
that i actually can't have anyone think we're still together pookie
489
please have some fucking respect seriously like what the fuck
490
and like i do actually pride myself like i don't talk shit i don't know
491
if you guys have ever noticed
492
but like there's maybe i'll have to eat my words
493
but like i don't think so like there is nowhere
494
that you can go on any of my platforms where i'm like actually talking shit about someone okay
495
and this guy made me get on my fucking phone and talk shit because i had to
496
like he actually like forced me to play my hand and also like i already said this but like i
497
had to wait like 10 days before I said anything
498
because obviously like I needed him to drop the song
499
and I didn't want him to like change his verse
500
and make me look crazy or like god forbid not even drop the song um
501
because I needed you guys to hear it
502
because it was like the worst lyrics he's ever written like I said
503
when he first played me that song like all those months ago
504
my jaw was on the fucking floor I was like there
505
is actually no way your brain came up with these lyrics
506
and i was still trying to delude myself by being like
507
no like it's just lyrics like he's not really cheating on you with a guy in his phone and like
508
and then i just like the more i tried to convince
509
myself of it the more i was like damn he definitely
510
is also guys imagine this the day after i posted the tiktok videos i woke up on my period
511
and i had been like completely fine like i've been very antsy
512
and very uncomfortable
513
and just like i just wanted the whole thing to be over before i post the videos
514
and like i hadn't i did enjoy my birthday
515
but like i was also very heartbroken and just like had
516
that underlying feeling of just like almost being wet like you know
517
when you're just like you know when you're just like ridden with emotion
518
that your skin feels heavy and like i always feel like damp
519
when i'm like extremely hurt then i posted the videos
520
and i wanted to celebrate like okay we did it like
521
i finally got it out i got it off my chest
522
i don't have to feel like I'm going crazy anymore
523
and people can think what they think say what they say
524
like I had no idea how the conversation was gonna go once I post the videos
525
but I was like at least they're out there
526
and I can fucking it felt like I had finished exams like
527
that same relief I had
528
when I finished my A -levels finished my degree finished GCSEs whatever it was
529
that feeling of like oh you know and and that was before I even knew if people were gonna hate me
530
not give a fuck love me like I had no idea the conversation was gonna go the way it did
531
um not a clue and i couldn't have even gambled on it like i had no idea
532
and so i was like feeling okay i just kind of went to bed
533
that night like me and my friends all just like crashed into bed
534
like the most exhausted we would ever be
535
and the next morning i woke up
536
and i was like why do i feel worse than i have felt this entire time
537
and like i'm about to cry
538
and all i wanted to do was listen to mitski and i was like what is happening to me Okay.
539
I should be celebrating and then I started my period
540
and I was like and I realized
541
that in the stress of my entire week I had forgot
542
to take my pill once I hadn't taken it once I
543
was like oh my fucking god like I genuinely everything
544
that I have done for myself in the last week whether
545
it be eat a meal shower brush my teeth do my skincare stand up
546
and walk around breathe has been a conscious choice
547
and a conscious effort that I've had to put in
548
because I just know and sometimes you can just be in
549
so much pain and just be so confused and so lost
550
and so scared and I remember my mom telling me this
551
when I went through a breakup a couple years ago
552
and I was like crying in my room and she came in and she was like you know
553
sometimes you just have to breathe in and out
554
and that's two breaths that you've done since the event happened
555
and you just keep breathing and the more you breathe the more time will pass
556
and the pain will subside like sometimes the only thing you
557
can do is just keep breathing just don't fucking die and
558
and things will gradually fall back into place and
559
so in the worst moments I was just literally breathing I was like okay can't do anything else
560
but I will just inhale
561
and exhale in a very shallow manner until all of this is done
562
and it worked yippee i genuinely think this is the this
563
is the quickest i've ever gone over a breakup in my
564
fucking life not to say i'm like over it like i'm still obviously like very hurt
565
and i always feel very like maternal towards the people i
566
break up with like i just want to go cuddle them even
567
if i'm hurt i'm like no let me help you
568
but i've refrained from even doing that this time
569
because i'm like i have been taught throughout my life in
570
various ways by god by the universe to have self -control it's been a very continuous
571
and strict lesson for me to have an abnormal level of restraint
572
and of regularity and the ability to just like regulate regulate my emotions and
573
if i can give one guess this was why let me
574
tell you i have some serious fucking friends in my life
575
and i've always i've always been very lucky in the friendship department like i do make good friendship choices
576
which is shocking because i make obviously very poor romantic ones
577
but like my friendships are always the polar opposite of my relationships like they are just like
578
so healthy like my friend she took my life into her
579
own hands she nurtured it for me for an entire week whilst i cried
580
and she was ready for me the second i stood back
581
up she was ready with a plan she was ready with love she was ready with her time her resources
582
and there wasn't a single need that i have had in the last two weeks
583
that this friend hasn't met and i genuinely mean
584
that every morning she has woken up
585
and she's asked me what do you need today what can
586
i do for you like i i can't tell you guys
587
that i would actually be doing any of this
588
if it wasn't i wouldn't be doing any of this
589
if it wasn't for her i wouldn't be making this podcast
590
like there was a point in the first week before my
591
birthday where I was like I am gonna give up I
592
don't think I stand a chance in hell of ever not being fucking embarrassed about this
593
and of anyone ever thinking that I didn't have something to do with this
594
and I'm so humiliated and I'm so hurt and I'm
595
so lost I'm so scared that I am gonna delete my fucking social media accounts
596
and I'm genuinely never gonna get them back like I
597
and I feel bad
598
because I've had to be kind of selfish this week like
599
I haven't been texting a lot of my friends like I haven't been texting a lot of my like other friends
600
because I've been too overwhelmed like I just don't want to talk to anyone
601
that doesn't understand what's going on because it is
602
so draining for me to explain it and to get anything
603
but the exact response that I need right now I'm like uh
604
because it's just like it's I'm just
605
so drained like I'm the most drained I've ever been in my life
606
and I know I'm like shockingly okay
607
and it is genuine I am genuinely okay but like I am drained
608
and like it's not just this one
609
or two weeks of craziness that's drained me it's been three years okay
610
and now I'm like finally just like on my own
611
and I'm like whoa and I'm seeing it and I'm feeling it and I'm like I need the longest
612
fucking nap i'll tell you what i need i need like someone to come here
613
and give me a fucking bath then i need them to give me a massage
614
but like in my own bed then i need them to
615
leave me to sleep for like genuinely 24 fucking hours then
616
i need someone to bring me like a healthy meal like actually like power foods
617
and like a smoothie then i think i need to go sit in the sun for a in it?
618
and then i probably need like a fucking margarita and then
619
and then that'll be my process i just need
620
that like i just need like 48 hours of that like i just need someone to genuinely
621
fix my life like i just need like my body needs to be cared for
622
and you guys want to know what's
623
so cute on my birthday my friends planned a day of activities for me
624
and one of the things they did was they took me to the gun range
625
so that i could shoot shit up because i was fucking angry
626
and then they took me to go to her mom
627
which is basically like um basically they bathe you
628
so they lay you down on this like marble bed
629
and they exfoliate your entire body
630
and then they like lather you up in like butters
631
and they rinse you off and it is the most thorough cleansing
632
and they wash your hair too
633
and it's literally like being a baby like it is you are bathed
634
and it's all it's first of all it's amazing i'm gonna
635
get them once a month from now on i think
636
but it's like amazing for your body but it's also very nurturing
637
and just like if you are going through it i highly recommend visiting one
638
because it's just very caring
639
and it's just like it does things for your body in
640
ways we probably don't understand like you are meant to be touched you are meant to be hugged
641
and you're meant to be loved and when
642
that gets very suddenly stripped from you your body is shocked
643
like you don't know what's happening your body does not know what's happening your body is a fucking ancient being
644
that doesn't know what just happened to it right especially like you put it through trauma
645
and it's gonna support you and it's gonna help you
646
but it doesn't know and so you sometimes even
647
if your brain is in a hundred places you have to pick yourself up as
648
if you are a baby and treat yourself as such
649
so my friends booked the gun rage
650
and then they went sent me straight to her mom afterwards
651
and it just genuinely like fixed me from deep within
652
because they sent me there like I didn't even have to know
653
that I should go there or have the thought to book it like they saw
654
that I was angry and they saw
655
that I needed first of all a really good fucking shower I didn't even have to ask
656
and here's the thing like I have spent three years standing in front of someone
657
and saying these are my morals these are my intentions this
658
is what I stand for this is who I am only to hear back you're wrong about all of
659
that and now I'm gonna beef you over it
660
and then I met this friend of mine
661
and all I have to do is stand in front of her
662
and she sees everything I am everything I stand for
663
but there is just a level of seeing
664
that i have never really had before in my life of just like she looks at me
665
and she sees me also guys my skin has cleared in
666
the last week of my life despite being the most stressful my acne has almost completely disappeared
667
and i think we all know why okay anyways i think
668
that's really all i have to say on this week's episode of pretty lonesome
669
and i don't want to come on here and like trash someone's name
670
and like drop a bunch of crazy tea that I don't have to
671
and like say things
672
that are just like jabs like it's not my interest what I do want is for people to fully understand
673
and please get it in your fucking heads this was never
674
a PR stunt on my side it was a PR stunt
675
on theirs that's where it gets confusing did he cheat on me I have no idea he blindsided me
676
and he betrayed me that is what i do know
677
and as far as i am aware they were a pr stunt the issue is was i was his girlfriend
678
so what the fuck are you doing not telling me
679
and actually what are you doing doing that in the first place
680
but also what are you doing not telling me the whole
681
thing was fucking weird i had no idea it was happening
682
and i they did not run it past me they did
683
not get my consent they didn't run it past my team anyway what
684
that guy did was fucking crazy okay and And let's just not forget that he was the one who owed me honesty,
685
transparency, truth, respect, communication, and that regardless of other factors,
686
the bottom line is no one else owed me that, okay?
687
and and it doesn't mean that other things aren't true or
688
that people can't have their opinions about other things
689
but he is the only person that i can
690
or will hold accountable for any of this so with
691
that being said thank you for watching this week's episode of
692
pretty lonesome i am about to fucking pass out this was the most draining two weeks of my life
693
and like i genuinely said to my friend i wish we had rigged her flat with like big brother style cameras
694
because if you guys could see what we have been doing for the past week
695
and a half in that fucking flat you would actually die like we have been laughing hysterically crying and like
696
spinning in circles we haven't gone outside like
697
if you could see the amount of trash we've produced from back to back to back food orders
698
and just like i can't even tell you how hard we have laughed at some of the things
699
that have come up thank you for listening to me ramble
700
thank you for believing me thank you for seeing me thank you for advocating for me vouching for me
701
and thank you for fucking up that man's comment section
702
because i hate when people get to run from the shit they do
703
and here's to sneaky men not getting away with fucking anything
704
in 2024 we need to instill fear back into men seriously okay i love you guys
705
so much i'll see you next week thank you for listening
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Aynı Kanal
B11
Navigating Friendships, Sexuality and Jealousy // EP 5 - Pretty Lonesome
TeensDaily Conversation
B1get ready with me to shoot my Samsøe Samsøe collection !!!
TeensDaily Conversation
B2why i'm not scared of being perceived anymore // EP 110
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
making female friendships? // EP 109
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B22
How to Cope as a Useless Lonely Rat // EP 108
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B2the power of choice // EP 100
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2thoughts on sex // EP 78
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Bu Klip İçin Konuşma Hedefleri
Bu videodaki diyalog, duygusal durumları net ve anlaşılır bir şekilde ifade etme yeteneğini geliştirir. Özellikle sakin bir ton kullanarak karmaşık duyguları anlatma ve zamanlama ile stratejik konuşma gibi akıcılık hedeflerine odaklanır. Ayrıca, günlük hayatta sık kullanılan informal ifadelerle tanışarak doğal İngilizce konuşma becerinizi artırırsınız.
İfade Bankası
- "round of applause please" - Lütfen alkışlayın (komik veya ironik bir tonla)
- "publicly violated me" - Kamusal olarak beni ihlal etti
- "pawn in his pr stunt" - PR tuzağında bir piyonum
- "tweaking online" - İnternette çılgınca davranmak
- "sit on my hands" - Bir şey yapmamak zorunda kalmak
- "get my shit together" - Kendimi toparlamak
Zayıf Yanlarınızı Düzeltin
Bu videoyu kullanarak gölgeleme tekniği ile telaffuzunuzu ve ritminizi geliştirebilirsiniz. Özellikle yüksek tonlamalı ifadeler (örneğin "I literally almost died") ve sessiz harflerin doğru kullanımı (örneğin "nibble of a brownie") üzerinde çalışabilirsiniz. Gölge konuşması yaparken, konuşmacının yavaşladığı veya vurguladığı bölümleri dikkatle takip edin. Bu, doğal bir İngilizce akışı kazanmanıza yardımcı olur. Ayrıca, gölge konuşmaları sayesinde duygusal ifadelerin intonasyonunu da öğrenirsiniz - bu, konuşmanızı daha inandırıcı kılar!
Unutmayın: Kısa sürede ilerlemek için her gün 5-10 dakika gölge konuşma yapın. Bu tekniği kullanarak hem telaffuzunuzu hem de akıcılığınızı hızla artırabilirsiniz. Başlayın ve kendinizi görün!
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Koşul cümleleri if + cümle, will/would + fiil — bir koşul ve sonucu | if i was mad i would fold · if it wasn't i wouldn't be · if it wasn't for her i wouldn't be |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — önceden başlayıp hâlâ süren bir eylem | i've been laughing · haven't been texting · have been doing |
| “Used to” used to + fiil — artık geçerli olmayan eski bir alışkanlık ya da durum | used to love · used to know |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | has caught · I've done · have thought |
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.