تدريب Shadowing: 10 Hilarious Stories That Completely Derailed the ‘Ellen‘ Show - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية عبر الفيديو
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1
You love it?
2
Yeah.
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I was just saying backstage, I'm like, it's such a fun show, your show.
4
I feel like it is.
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Well, you can come here any time you want.
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You're on the lot.
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You have an office on the lot, and you've never been here.
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I know.
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Why not?
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I don't know why.
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I don't understand.
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I'm going to pop over all the time now.
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You can?
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Any time.
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Where is your?
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Are you close to here?
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Yeah.
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We're like just a quick walk.
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Oh, well, yeah.
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Come by and visit any time.
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So this is on.
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We know each other.
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You just haven't been on the show.
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Yes.
25
Can you explain to people?
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Because I'd rather hear your version.
27
I've never heard your version of this story, but tell people how we know each other.
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How we met.
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I'm scared because my husband's going to kill me for telling this story.
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But it's my favorite story ever.
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And it's the story of how Ellen and I met.
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So Tom and I, my husband, were on our honeymoon, which we delayed because we shot I, Tonya, at the beginning of the year and last year.
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And we had just gotten married, but we had to put off the honeymoon part.
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And so we go to Tahiti.
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And we'd gone to this island where you kind of live like Robinson Crusoe.
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Like there's just like a shack that you stay in, and there's no electricity, and there's no mirrors or anything like that.
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So we'd been there for four days.
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And then the last bit of the honeymoon was like a really nice hotel, like a really luxury.
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It was lovely.
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And so we get there, but it's raining.
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And we're like, oh, well, you know, we, by the way, look disgusting because we haven't seen our own reflections in four days.
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And so we don't know what we would.
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By the way, they did not.
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We're like, oh, what can we do here when it's raining?
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And they're like, oh, you know, there's a lovely spa, or there's the gym.
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And we're like, oh, I don't really want to work out, but I guess we could do something at the gym.
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And so we get changed to go to the gym.
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And Tom puts on these shorts that are like his oldest gym shorts.
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And they're tiny.
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And they're really short.
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And there's nothing underneath.
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So he gets on his bicycle to ride there.
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And I was like, whoa!
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I was like, babe, you cannot wear those shorts.
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They're like, you know, I can see everything.
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And he was like, oh, come on.
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Who are we going to run into?
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I mean, who's going to be here?
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And I was like, you're right.
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I mean, we'd just been on an island where no one else was for so long.
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So I was like, yeah, you're right.
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I mean, who are we going to see?
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And so we walk into the gym, and running on a treadmill is Ellen.
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And then on the treadmill next to her is Portia, her wife.
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So Ellen looks over and she was like, wait. And then?
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No, no, no. All right.
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Go ahead.
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It's not even the best bit, but already Tom and I are like, oh my god.
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And Tom's face is just gone white.
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And you're like, hi, hi.
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And I was like, oh my gosh, Ellen, so lovely to meet you.
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And you're like, this is my wife, Portia.
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I was like, lovely to meet you, Portia.
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I was already starstruck.
75
And then you're like, have you met Obama?
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And we were like, what?
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And standing next to them is former president Barack Obama.
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I'm not kidding.
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I'm not kidding.
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In a gym that is tiny.
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The gym was the size of this stage.
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Like even smaller.
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It was a very confined space.
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And we then had to do this whole like.
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Oh my god.
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We had to do this whole like class, like this stretching class.
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But Tom, meanwhile, is trying to not reveal anything.
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And he's dying.
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And I'm crying so much.
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I'm about to crack a rib.
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And literally, this gym instructor keeps saying to Tom, Tom, lunge.
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Lunge, not lunging.
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And Tom's trying to lunge cross-legged.
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And Obama's stepping over his legs to put his weights back.
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And the whole thing was so absurd.
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It was hilarious.
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It was hilarious.
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When she says short shorts, they were, I'm not exaggerating, they were to here and wide.
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Like, we're wide.
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They're wide.
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So on a bicycle.
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When he was lunging, we're like, we're, it was.
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And then he's on the ground at one point and like, stretching.
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And this part, we're like, oh my god.
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Like.
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We literally got to the end of the class And we're doing like a last stretch, which was legs out.
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And Tom's now got a towel on his crotch, trying to be modest.
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And his face just says it all.
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He's like, I'm going to kill myself.
110
It's the worst day of my life.
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And Ellen looks over and goes, boy, those are the wrong shorts to wear today.
112
Oh my god.
113
It was hilarious.
114
And then like two days later, we get laundry.
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And I start looking through.
116
I was like, this is the wrong.
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It's a small.
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There's only like 10 cabins.
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And I was like, this is not our laundry.
120
And then I come across pink shorts.
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I was like, oh, I know who's the other.
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I got Tom's shorts.
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No, I know where these go.
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Oh, my god.
125
But I mean, so Obama was, so he was there.
126
He happened to be there writing his book.
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And so we were working out with him every day.
128
And when you walked in, and he's in those shorts, I was like, oh, my god, this is going to be hilarious.
129
This is.
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It was honestly one of the funniest things that I've ever had.
131
But he's a huge fan of yours, Obama.
132
I obviously assumed that he would have no idea who I was.
133
But when I walked in, you're like, oh, do you know Obama?
134
I was like, no. I was like, hello, sir.
135
I don't know what to call her.
136
And he was like, hello, yeah.
137
He goes, you're a very talented actress.
138
And I was like, oh my god, Obama knows who I am.
139
And he's like, we were just talking about you the other night.
140
I was like, you were?
141
What the hell?
142
Yeah.
143
No, he's up on, he knows what's going on.
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He's, yeah, he's up with us.
145
All right, well, I got you and Tom a gift.
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I didn't know he'd be here today.
147
But just so it doesn't happen again.
148
And there's some mesh in here to hold it all together.
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Thank you.
150
You're welcome.
151
That's very great.
152
Hey there.
153
Hi.
154
Hi.
155
The audience is so well lit.
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I feel like I know all of you.
157
Yeah.
158
It's normally dark out there.
159
No, I like when we started the show.
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I thought they should be part of the show.
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They shouldn't be in the dark they should be as lit as we are.
162
So we actually include them in the show.
163
OK, cool.
164
That's on purpose.
165
It's a little scary.
166
OK.
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No, no, no, it's OK.
168
Do you not want to see them?
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No, no, no, it's fine.
170
Just keep smiling.
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OK. Be supportive.
172
So first of all, the movie is fantastic.
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Portia and I loved it.
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We watched it and said, this is like a good old fashioned spy thriller that the way movies used to be made.
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And I just love it.
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I think you're great in it.
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I think the movie is fantastic.
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So I highly recommend it.
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I think it's fantastic.
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And it comes out today, so now you're officially on vacation.
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Yeah.
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And you have an alter ego when you go on vacation.
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Yeah, I can't go on a vacation right now, because I just can't deal with Gail.
184
I need to rest before Gail.
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OK, why did you name her Gail?
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I didn't.
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She almost named herself.
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I think my girlfriends probably named her Gail, just by the way I look.
189
And it's a very specific drunk, too.
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It's not just like every time I'm drunk, I turn into this, you know, I think she's like some sort of like tortoise gambler or something.
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Like I don't always turn into this masculine alter ego
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that like jumps into shark ridden waters just to make my friends laugh.
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My friends were like, that's like too far, Jen.
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Like no, not funny.
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It's not every time.
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I think it might be rum, which is what I brought up to Colbert.
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Cuz the only time I drink rum is on vacation.
198
Well, you're on vacation, bring the rum.
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I can't keep doing this.
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Oh my god.
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I can't.
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I really can't.
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I'll take this one.
204
OK.
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They're all labeled.
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That's rum punch.
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They're fake, right? Are they?
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Let's see if they are.
209
That's real.
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Yeah.
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Oh my god.
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But you don't normally.
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This is going to turn into my whole thing.
214
I'm not this big of a drinker.
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I'm when I'm on a press tour.
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I really drink a lot.
217
Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Only on a press tour.
220
Yeah, but if I'm working and filming, then I can't.
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It's not like I'm like, you know, like this every night.
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No. Well, you wouldn't be able to because you're very professional.
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No, but fresh doors.
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It's the only way to make it through.
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Yeah.
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So let's talk about Gail some more while you drink that.
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Gail's a lovely.
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She's got a heart of gold.
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Uh-huh.
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Can we show a picture of Gail?
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Because she does look very different.
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There she is.
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There is my girl.
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So that's how.
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Zoom in, please.
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That's how you normally look.
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And then Gail is, what is the difference there?
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First of all, that's not how I normally, oh my god.
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Look.
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I was trying to look cute.
241
I was getting photographed with all my girlfriends on the beach.
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I wanted to look cute.
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And look what I can't even repeat it.
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Like, my whole face is just crooked.
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It's a different face.
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Yeah.
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That's not your normal smile.
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I hope not.
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No. It might be.
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I don't know.
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But the hair, too, just so presidential.
252
Yeah.
253
What happens?
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So you become braver.
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You go into shark-infested waters.
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I'll just give you like five seconds of Gail.
257
So from there, we went conch diving.
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And we pulled up the conch, and the guy driving our boat goes, look, they all have little worms.
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I took it out of his hand and swallowed it, and then pulled the worms out of all the conchs and swallowed all the worms.
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And some of my friends are kind of laughing, but they're like, hello, hello.
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And then we pull up, and he's like, and this is where the fishermen clean all the fish out.
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You know, so there's all these sharks here.
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And I was like, suck!
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I just jumped in.
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And everyone's like, somebody get her some water and coffee.
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She's going to die.
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Wow.
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It was just like one masculine, like, what are those people called?
269
Adrenaline junkies.
270
Adrenaline junkies?
271
Yeah.
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And I'm normally pretty cautious.
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I've never really broken up.
274
You sit like that?
275
Wow.
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In my real life.
277
And then I get rum in me, and I'm just like, watch arm wrestle.
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So because usually if you drink vodka, you don't become gayle.
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It's only rum.
280
I'm trying to think what I drank at your birthday.
281
Vodka.
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OK.
283
I think you did.
284
Yeah.
285
And that did something else, but not Gail.
286
But I think someone was passing a tr- I think it was Reese walking around with a tray of tequila shots, though.
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So I don't know if you did that.
288
I probably knocked the tray over.
289
I don't know.
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All I know is after five minutes, me and Jennifer Aniston had our arms around each other.
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No, I love you the most.
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No, I love you.
293
It was just like, ugh.
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Nostrils flared.
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Wow.
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It was really intense.
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I love her.
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And she loves you.
299
I love a lot of people at your party.
300
So what kind of drunk was this on?
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This was a red carpet, and I want to know.
302
No. What?
303
No. Oh, god.
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It was so awful.
305
OK, in my defense, please take her away.
306
Oh my god.
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Oh my god.
308
That's not Gail, right?
309
No, that's someone else.
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I just met her the other night.
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I feel like her name ends with an E.
312
Or like Veronica E or something.
313
I don't know.
314
So what happened was I did Andy Cohen.
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I was drinking a lot of wine.
316
And then I went to Colbert, tried to sober up.
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I was like drinking coffee.
318
And I was like, uh-oh, I got too drunk with the housewives, which is something I've always dreamt of saying.
319
I got two drunk with housewives trying to drink coffee.
320
And then he pulls out shots of rum in the middle of the show.
321
Then I have to go to the premiere, and I am hammered.
322
And so I get on the red carpet.
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I'm like, don't look drunk.
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Don't look drunk.
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And then I look like I've been electrified.
326
Oh my god.
327
Oh my god.
328
That was you trying not to look drunk?
329
Yeah.
330
Wow.
331
It would have been better just to look drunk, I think.
332
I think my nipple was out, too.
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It was just all sorts of awful.
334
I don't think your nipple's out.
335
Is your nipple out?
336
I really think drinking is a good idea for me.
337
Yeah.
338
It's a good way to get through a press show.
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Yeah.
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No, it worked out.
341
Oh.
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Hello, sir.
343
Oh.
344
What happened?
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Nothing.
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Just old.
347
Yeah.
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Congratulations.
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So the hardback was best selling, and now it's gone to paperback.
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Yes.
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That's a wonderful thing.
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They should buy it now, because the next one isn't free.
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This is the last stop.
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It's paperback, so get a crowbar in your wallet and grab it.
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It's really fun.
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I use, just open it one page.
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It's funny, everything, you just look down.
358
Yeah, it is very funny and informative.
359
You have dating tips on here.
360
Perhaps you have dating tips for Ari.
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I will tell them, if you want to be a baller, Derek Jeter does this.
362
I don't know if Ari isn't in that league just yet, but Derek Jeter did something which I thought was hysterical.
363
I heard he, after a date, the next day he sends them Yankees tickets and an autographed jersey after they stay over, which I thought was interesting.
364
And so I give girls a Joe Dirt keychain and a Emperor's New Groove throw pillow,
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and then I say you can grab a Kate Spade irregular bag out of the garage in a box.
366
One per custom.
367
Yeah, but sometimes when you date, I gotta tell Ari this when there's a breakup, that you gotta be careful about that.
368
Because usually I'm getting broken up with.
369
But if you do break up, girls are very sensitive to the timing of it.
370
You have to, there's never a good time.
371
Cuz if you break up, they tell their friends, he broke up with me ten days before Christmas.
372
And you go, so it wasn't Christmas?
373
No, but ten days before.
374
Oh, really?
375
It was two and a half months after my birthday.
376
I really underline birthday.
377
He broke up with me on daylight savings time.
378
So I had an extra hour to cry, he did it on purpose.
379
So you have to be careful.
380
Careful, yeah.
381
I'll make sure he's careful when he breaks up with somebody.
382
We gotta find somebody for him.
383
Yeah.
384
We really do.
385
He's a cool dude.
386
How's your love life?
387
Are you with someone?
388
Went through a bit of a breakup recently and it was a little tough.
389
Did she break up with you or did you break up with her?
390
No comment.
391
No, obviously I'm the problem in every situation.
392
But she was great, yeah, I sort of messed it up.
393
But I went to get a new shirt because I thought I gotta get out there, like Ari.
394
So I went to Macy's in the valley because I sometimes go to the valley cuz I'm about 8% more famous there.
395
I have an app for it.
396
So I go out there and then, but I go in and then I wanted to get a shirt
397
and I look in the mirror and when you go in the mirror, I know what I look like in the mirror, it's not great, whatever.
398
It's like a six or seven, whatever.
399
I mean, just going off the internet.
400
So, but I'm okay with it at this point.
401
But it's exactly straight on.
402
Can I stand up?
403
When you go to the meeting at Macy's, it's an octagon or something, so...
404
Have you ever seen yourself from the side?
405
It's horrifying.
406
I go like this, who's this dude?
407
Oh, my God, is that me?
408
Is that what the world sees every day?
409
It's, uh, who invited Gollum in here?
410
I'm like...
411
I go, oh, my God.
412
It's literally like six, five, two, two, two.
413
It's... And when... So depressing.
414
And so when I went out that night, I couldn't even get it out of my head, so I just stayed flat with girls.
415
I'm like this, how you doing?
416
The girls want drinks?
417
Heineken, Heineken, BRB.
418
Uh.
419
Yeah.
420
It got worse coming around.
421
Oh my god.
422
That is hilarious.
423
And you look great, and you always have looked great.
424
So stop saying that, and I hope you get out there.
425
Back out there.
426
I hope you meet somebody.
427
That'd be great.
428
Fight in a good fight, yeah, yeah.
429
What's the story with Adele?
430
Did you, how did you meet Adele?
431
Ooh, Adele, you know, beautiful Adele.
432
I saw out in the real world.
433
I don't get starstruck that much, and I was a little starstruck.
434
I was out having sushi.
435
And she comes traipsing in with her squad.
436
And I could tell she's so pretty, no makeup, just walking in.
437
I was like, I think that's Adele.
438
And then I go, I'm not gonna say anything, cuz I'm not like that.
439
Then I got a few knocks in me.
440
Oh yeah.
441
A little loud mouth soup.
442
And I was on my way, I go, she'll be mad if I don't say something.
443
But she has a bodyguard.
444
I've seen you, you don't have bodyguards.
445
She has a bodyguard and there's a little curtain room.
446
So I go, I don't want to just bust in.
447
So I do the procedure where I walk up and he's like, and you are, my old bit.
448
And then I go, hey, can I go talk to Del?
449
I'm sort of a medium star, you know, whatever.
450
Because he's British, too, and I don't know what the deal is, so I fill out the paperwork, you know.
451
Have you been in a million.. a hundred million dollar movie?
452
I guess.
453
Sure, you're never gonna check, you know, whatever. So...
454
I go in, and I don't say, hello.
455
I don't give her the cornball line, you know.
456
I go, what's up?
457
I give her the American one, you know.
458
And then, but I had my phone in my hand, and I, and she was eyeballing it.
459
I didn't want her to think I wanted a selfie, you know?
460
Slowly back in the holster.
461
I don't want her to tighten up, you know?
462
So I go, hey, Dale, like, you know, I'm, like, really good-looking in America.
463
I don't know what it's like, and, you know, I'm a huge deal over here.
464
And then, you know, blank looks, whatever.
465
But then I talked to her, and she was very sweet, and then I was like, uh...
466
Oh, she goes, I'm playing the Staples Center in August.
467
I go, ooh, that whole month is tough for me.
468
Like, she invites me, and I don't even know what I'm saying, because I'm a little loopy, you know, buzzed.
469
And, of course, I stay maybe a solid minute too long, because I was yammering away, blah, blah, blah.
470
And then I said, oh, hey, let's do this at my house next time.
471
I have a huge backyard.
472
What am I talking about?
473
Why am I saying this?
474
It was probably four minutes too long.
475
Oh, no. And then I go, all right, I'm out.
476
And they're like, ah.
477
But she was, it was, anyway.
478
It was great, very embarrassing, but when you get starstruck, I see what happens, you don't know what's going on.
479
Let's do this in my backyard.
480
I know, it's so dumb.
481
What was that?
482
I go, when I go to England, you owe me dinner.
483
She didn't buy me, I didn't buy her dinner.
484
I said, I'll buy everyone dinner, that's another thing.
485
And then I'll go, and I go, I'm kidding, I'm not on this show right now.
486
Four in a row that zonked.
487
Well, they work well now.
488
Bodyguard is like this.
489
Well, congratulations to you.
490
Oh, thank you.
491
I mean, it's amazing.
492
So you wrote this movie, which is based on your life.
493
If you haven't seen The Big Sick, I recommend it.
494
It's your first screenplay, and it's getting Oscar buzz, like I said.
495
The movie was sold at Sundance for $12 million, and it went on to become a huge hit.
496
You hosted SNL for the first time, and you were getting all kinds of nominations, and, I mean, this must feel amazing to do something like this to do something like this.
497
It is.
498
I want to clarify, those $12 million didn't go to us.
499
We didn't really see very much of it.
500
No. But everybody thinks that they want us to pay for stuff, and we can't quite do it.
501
So if you have something from my room, I would take that.
502
There they are.
503
Wow, that was very inspiring, guys.
504
And now I'm here just, I shouldn't have to follow them.
505
They're amazing.
506
Why am I?
507
Yeah, you're doing all right, too, though.
508
I mean, that's amazing to write a screenplay, and your first screenplay to do this kind of.
509
It's been, this year has been, last year personally, a personal triumph and a global disaster, I think.
510
Yeah, so.
511
So yeah, it's been amazing.
512
My wife and I, we wrote this movie together.
513
We'd never written a movie.
514
We had no idea if anybody would ever watch it or anything.
515
And then it's done really well.
516
So it's been really exciting.
517
We've been trying to not.
518
Because the story is like, it's a, well, we'll get to that in the second segment, because I want to talk about other things.
519
But it's an interesting life that you've both had and the way you met.
520
Now, your wife, do you talk about her in stand-up?
521
I do a little bit.
522
But she helps me with my stand-up too.
523
So a lot of the stuff gets sanded down a little bit in the rewrite.
524
But there's some stuff like, oh, this happened recently.
525
I was sleeping, and at 4 in the morning, she woke me up, and she's like, do you smell that?
526
And I go, I smell something.
527
So I go, yeah, I do smell something.
528
And she goes, what do you think it is?
529
And I go, I don't know.
530
And she goes, I think it's trouble.
531
And before I could say anything, she's got her laptop open, and she's googling smells.
532
Because there's no Shazam for smells, you know?
533
So what she finds is it's probably, in a message board, she finds what it probably is.
534
Probably it's just probably just a wire on fire in one of the walls.
535
And tonight, you're all going to perish.
536
So I'm like, let's take care of it in the morning.
537
She's already calling 911.
538
And as she's talking to him, I said, please don't say the phrase wire on fire, because it rhymes and it's going to make it look really stupid.
539
So she's like, you know, it's probably not a big deal.
540
There's a smell.
541
And what it probably is in the walls, there's probably a wire ablaze.
542
And I'm like, tell them not to send fire trucks, because it's nothing.
543
And she goes, don't send fire trucks.
544
Four fire trucks show up 30 seconds later.
545
And then she looks at me and she goes, not it, which is what we do when we order food to our house.
546
But if you call 911, you've got to get the door.
547
Yeah.
548
We hadn't established that.
549
So now I have to put pants on.
550
This whole story, no pants.
551
But a full tuxedo top.
552
That way, I'm ready for any kind of dream.
553
Sure.
554
Good idea.
555
Because I'm ready for a party or just home time.
556
So I go, I open the door, and there's three tall firemen.
557
They're men.
558
You know, they're taller than me in every way, physically and spiritually.
559
Because I'm never with like men, you know?
560
I'm like, I hang out with stand-up comedians.
561
It's whatever this is, it's more of this.
562
And I kind of want to yell to Emily like, Emily, they're real men.
563
There's men outside our home.
564
It's exciting.
565
And they go, you called about the smell.
566
And I'm like, yeah.
567
They said, you mean the skunk?
568
And I was like, oh.
569
That is what that is.
570
And then there's this awkward moment where I have to be like, do you guys want to come inside?
571
And they're like, no, we're men.
572
We have to go fight fires.
573
Oh my god.
574
So you had never smelled a skunk before, obviously.
575
Ellen, I had.
576
But 4 in the morning, skunks smell different.
577
I see.
578
Hi.
579
Hi.
580
Well, things are going your way, Missy.
581
Listen.
582
Listen.
583
I am not fighting any of it.
584
It's all good.
585
And we spoke on the phone after you won the Emmy Award.
586
Congratulations for winning the Emmy for a show.
587
Thanks.
588
Nuts.
589
You didn't have a voice.
590
I know.
591
I may have been out somewhat late that night.
592
And for me, I'm usually in bed by 8.30, and I was out till 6, just like dancing like I was 20, like dancing till it's like, you need to go home.
593
Like, you're not, you shouldn't be doing that.
594
I was like sweaty and like really like thinking, like, I should do this professionally.
595
I took a turn somewhere around 3.
596
Well, it's very exciting.
597
I mean, and there's just so many good things going on for you right now.
598
I'm really happy to hear.
599
And this will help you probably with your hobby that I understand we both enjoy moving a lot.
600
Yes, too.
601
My poor, poor husband does not enjoy it the same way I do. But, yeah.
602
Oh, that's a shame.
603
I can't.
604
I could never even think about, like, a house that's fully done.
605
Like, Billy, who plays Mike on the show, of course, just bought a house, and he's like...
606
And I'm like, you know, what do we need?
607
What do we need?
608
Do we need paint?
609
Do we need to knock down walls?
610
He's like, does it need a thing?
611
I was like, oh.
612
Yeah.
613
Like, I want to buy something that's barely standing.
614
And so, wow.
615
I really do.
616
I want to, like, redo everything.
617
Do you enjoy the construction part of it or the designing inside part?
618
Yes.
619
Mm-hmm.
620
All of it.
621
Yeah, it never ends.
622
Mm-hmm.
623
We're putting up a fence in front, which I have.
624
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep the same guys
625
that are always helping me and doing a great job, because I've...
626
Why is that?
627
Well, I did a little something that's a bit odd.
628
I was coming down...
629
It has to start with Spanx, so I apologize.
630
I'll just start at the beginning.
631
I was told to bring in these Spanx.
632
We all, a lot of us, wear them occasionally for some things. And then...
633
You kept told to bring them in to work? To work.
634
Well, there's a certain kind that I liked.
635
Okay.
636
And they kept saying, just tell me this.
637
I need this dial number.
638
Will you bring them in?
639
Okay.
640
And then, like, two weeks go by, and I keep forgetting, and I feel like a dingbat.
641
So I'm in my room getting ready for work, and I see them, And I was like, just put them on.
642
Clearly, you can't take them and put them in your purse.
643
So your punishment is just put them on and wear them into work.
644
So I get ready.
645
And I always leave for work kind of like a Sherpa.
646
I have like a bag of this, a bag of things I think I'm going to get done, which don't.
647
I just carry it back and forth from work to home.
648
So I have like three bags, three bags.
649
I have a messenger bag across me.
650
And I'm coming downstairs.
651
And the guys are up front building the fence.
652
And it's kind of sprinkling out.
653
So I was shocked to see them.
654
It was so nice.
655
And I'm coming down the stairs.
656
And I was like, which bag is pulling somewhere?
657
Like, it's pulling a sweater.
658
And I'm like, I can't even look to see what's pulling me because I've got too many bags.
659
And so I come down the stairs and I see the guys.
660
I'm like, hey, good morning, guys.
661
And they're just like.
662
And I think they're acting weird.
663
And I was like, God, do they think I've made them be here on a rainy day?
664
I'm thinking it's about the rain.
665
And then I'm standing there and I have all these bags.
666
I'm kind of shifting back and forth, and I'm chatting, and, like, the fence is looking great.
667
It's really...
668
And they're only looking, like, top of hair and up.
669
And it's really odd, because they're only doing this.
670
And now I'm looking at my roof, because I think, like, what's up there?
671
Like, is there something...
672
Is there, like, a cat on the roof?
673
And so I'm lingering.
674
I'm now turning around fully.
675
And then all of a sudden, I think...
676
I'm standing there, and I go to rearrange a bag, and I look down, my sweater is now up around here.
677
Nothing but flesh-colored Spanx. Where are your pants?
678
I see...
679
Oh, I'll get there.
680
Flesh-colored Spanx, I see bare kneecaps, and then my pants are somewhere like low calf.
681
And I'm not kidding, it was horrifying.
682
And these poor guys were like...
683
And I've been shifting back and forth, I'm like, you know what I mean?
684
And I'm turning around, like, as if this wasn't enough, I was like, you better check this out.
685
Like, I literally was like...
686
I was 360-ing myself.
687
But I couldn't feel it, because I thought I had...
688
You know, you felt...
689
I felt the spank, so I didn't know the feeling when I thought, oh, something's pulling on my sweater.
690
As I came down the stairs now, I realized my pants just dropped off, and they saw it coming, so as I was coming at them,
691
they were like, oh, God.
692
How did you...
693
It was like you were in shackles.
694
It was a stretchy little...
695
How did you not feel that against your ankle?
696
Apparently, I'm dead from the knee down.
697
I don't know.
698
I didn't feel anything, and then when I finally saw, I saw, like, you know, I barely wear, like, a short sleeve, and here I am, like, pantsless, in my front yard,
699
in front of these poor guys.
700
Nude-colored Spanx.
701
Nude, which is...
702
It's an awfully attractive look.
703
And I couldn't do anything.
704
I just reached down, and I was like...
705
Just loving the fence.
706
Loving the fence.
707
And I just got in my car and, like, turned beet red.
708
I was like...
709
Oh, my God.
710
Have you seen them since?
711
Yes, I saw them today.
712
And how are they?
713
I think they're a little weirded out by me.
714
Yeah.
715
I really do, like, because I say, like, Oh, good morning.
716
How's it going?
717
They're like, Yeah, good.
718
Thank you.
719
Good.
720
They're always, like, suddenly measuring something.
721
I think they just don't want to...
722
They don't want to see what's coming next.
723
Oh, that's hilarious.
724
It was two weeks ago.
725
Oh, really?
726
It's a fresh incident.
727
It's terrible.
728
Oh, no. I apologize.
729
You're taking it well.
730
I apologize.
731
Yeah, I think you're handling it well.
732
I would have just moved that day.
733
Maybe I should have.
734
That would have been it.
735
I just would have never come back.
736
That's horrifying. So, hi.
737
Hi.
738
How's the poster doing that we gave you?
739
Well, I realized when I got home that it was a hostile, hostile gift.
740
What?
741
So you got me that portrait, and I live in Manhattan, so my apartment is the size of this chair.
742
So it takes up my whole apartment.
743
Oh, no. Yeah.
744
Why don't you move here?
745
Then you'd have a bigger place.
746
Do you like it here?
747
But, I mean, I don't fit in here just straight-up body type.
748
Like, in L.A., my arms register as legs.
749
They're just like...
750
They're like, why is that octopus on Sunset? Is that...
751
It's not for me out here.
752
No?
753
It's not.
754
No, but I, you know...
755
What do you do when you're here?
756
I cry.
757
I just sit in my room...
758
Balling.
759
No, I, uh...
760
Well, last time I was here, right from the show, I got court-side tickets to a Laker game.
761
That's fun.
762
Yeah, because my business agent thought I was mad at him for sexually harassing me.
763
But, no, I'm, like, 33, so I'm just starting to really appreciate that.
764
You know what I mean?
765
I see.
766
I see.
767
Well, it's true.
768
I can't speak for everyone.
769
I'm not, like, sexually harassed.
770
But in your 20s, I feel like you walk around.
771
Like, you'll walk past a construction site and be kind of like, oh, like, don't look.
772
But then in your 30s, you know, I'm just like, what about this?
773
Yeah.
774
Like, how about...
775
It's like my skirt's over my head.
776
I'm like, ah.
777
They're like, we're eating. But, uh...
778
It changes.
779
It really does.
780
It changes.
781
So I got courtside seats, which you've sat courtside at a game.
782
I have, yeah.
783
I thought it would be free booze.
784
Um...
785
It's not.
786
It's not.
787
I guess we have to, like, be on the team to get free booze.
788
So I go.
789
I get randomly seated next to Diana Agron, you know, the actress.
790
She's on Glee.
791
She played the cheerleader Quinn.
792
I mean, that lets you know how hot she is.
793
Yeah.
794
Oh, there we go.
795
There's the picture.
796
Thanks for...
797
Yes.
798
Isn't that great?
799
She's, like, the most gorgeous girl ever.
800
Her name was Quinn on that show.
801
To pull off that name.
802
Like, if my name were Quinn on a show, they'd be like, oh, the jolly Irish groundskeeper that does a jig time and again, you know?
803
But so she's there.
804
Is she not, like, an angel?
805
So the whole night she's like, she's like this?
806
Because she knows people are taking pictures of her.
807
I obviously don't.
808
I learned that my resting face is just a scowl.
809
It's just...
810
And I learned, and you can see, that I have what I'm now calling an at-risk chin.
811
Um...
812
This is not a good section.
813
If I don't, like, keep it at sea level, it just doubles itself.
814
Just...
815
I become the dinosaur in the Jeep in Jurassic Park.
816
Just...
817
So I'm, like, no idea people are taking pictures.
818
I'm pounding red wine, and I...
819
I thought it was free. And I...
820
I get red wine teeth right out the gate, you know?
821
Like, just first, like, sniff of Merlot.
822
Just true blood mouth.
823
I look like I've been feeding, and I'm eating popcorn.
824
The way I think we all eat popcorn, which is...
825
You know, at first, don't you always kind of start out kind of, like, lying to yourself?
826
Like, oh, I'm a little...
827
Like, one piece at a time, you know?
828
You know, and then, like, you get a little more real.
829
Right?
830
And then eventually, you just, like, you get real real, and it's just...
831
Like, I've split my lip trying to get one more kernel.
832
It's true.
833
In my dumb mouth, it is true.
834
And so that's what happened.
835
If you Google me, it's me.
836
And I learned I look like her, actually.
837
I look like her if she were stung by a million bees.
838
It's true.
839
I looked like her if she were, like, becoming the Hulk.
840
That's...
841
And she wanted to be friends, and I'm like, I can't.
842
I can't.
843
We don't have...
844
We're not the same thing.
845
Like, she was telling me hot people problems, you know?
846
She's like, you won't stop calling.
847
And I'm like, mm-hmm, I hate that.
848
Do you eat popcorn like that, though?
849
Are you a popcorn lover?
850
Yeah, I do, and I eat it exactly like that.
851
Right?
852
Yes.
853
That's why I'm so annoyed.
854
I'm single again, so I'm gonna have to start dating some guy, and we'll go to the movies, and he'll be like, do you want to get popcorn?
855
And I have to be like, oh, I hadn't even thought about it.
856
And he's like, what size?
857
And I'm like, small, look at me. And...
858
Right?
859
Like, a small pop...
860
That's like taking one Advil.
861
Like, get out of here.
862
I want a trough, and I want to dump my head in it, and then, you know, I'll be pretending not to think about the popcorn.
863
Hilarious.
864
So when you say you're gonna start dating again, that means that you're...
865
Are you dating at all?
866
No, I, um...
867
Well, I know everyone here is like, how do we date you?
868
Thank you.
869
Um...
870
You can't.
871
And not just because I'm not totally out of the woods with this UTI I have right now, but also... But also...
872
Thank you.
873
Oh, my God.
874
No, but I'm not on any dating websites.
875
I don't...
876
I have one, like, app on my phone that's kind of...
877
It's called Food Spotting.
878
And it's like Tinder, but for food, so...
879
Is this real?
880
This is totally real.
881
They let you know about food in your area.
882
So, like, this week in L.A., I was, like, eyeing this one particular scone.
883
Scone, and under a mile away.
884
Coincidence?
885
Probably not.
886
So I'm like, should I go?
887
And my friends are like, go.
888
Like, check it out.
889
So I went to the Scone, and I kind of just like sidled up to it, and I was like, oh,
890
my God, you look just like your picture. So kind of dating.
891
Kind of dating.
892
It's different than that.
893
You should...
894
Oh, my God.
895
Pretty much the same exact thing.
896
It's almost exactly the same.
897
I was just told it's been four years since you've been here.
898
I can't believe it.
899
It's so fast.
900
I know, it does.
901
But you're always traveling.
902
Where are you living now?
903
I live between Washington State, Paris, London, and LA.
904
OK, so where are the animals?
905
Because you have a lot of animals.
906
Because there I have my sanctuary.
907
You keep them there?
908
I'm not.
909
They travel with you?
910
You know, I don't travel with them so much anymore because I travel too much.
911
It's not good for them.
912
But before, I used to travel with them to every movie, which was always a nightmare.
913
You know, I show up to movie sets sometimes with five dogs.
914
I don't have little dogs because, you know, I pick them up from the street.
915
And they never send the chihuahuas to the street.
916
It's always like some kind of strange dog that it's medium or big size.
917
And they got me into a lot of trouble.
918
I mean, I have some really nightmare stories of when I used to travel with my dogs to the movies, but I really cherish them.
919
I think the worst one was one time I was in a very luxurious hotel that didn't want my dogs, and I begged them and convinced them,
920
and they said, okay, we're gonna give you this little house that had a fence, you couldn't see inside, inside of the hotel, and it was just a room and like a courtyard.
921
And we were shooting very late, this movie, and then at night, I would walk and I would run there.
922
Lupe, which is now 17 years old, and she's the smartest dog I've had, and her sister, I only took two,
923
would open the door and wait for me in the courtyard for me to let them in.
924
One day, this is a very luxurious hotel in the Bahamas.
925
I arrive, and they're not there.
926
They ran, and they went ahead of me.
927
But when I arrived, they're not there.
928
And then I hear this screaming and big commotion.
929
And I have to tell you that Lupe loved cake more than anything in the world.
930
You don't know how many birthday parties were ruined, because also she would get on the counter, go up, open.
931
She'd find the cake.
932
And I said, oh my god, this sounds like a cake.
933
I look like hell.
934
I have running mascara from some crying, seeing her like this.
935
Bermuda, flip flops.
936
Like really, you wouldn't want to run into me like that.
937
And there's a beautiful wedding, people.
938
I'm sure everybody flew.
939
And what do I see behind a palm tree where I'm hiding?
940
I see the beautiful wedding cake in a little table with two chairs for the bride and the groom.
941
Instead of the bride and the groom, there is Lupe and Angie.
942
Seating perfectly.
943
And everybody's trying to get the dogs.
944
And they really are not mean dogs, but they were faking it really well.
945
This is what they would do.
946
They'd like, ,, eat as fast as they can, and then they would go full of merengue, full of merengue, all over white.
947
And then it goes .
948
And then it goes .
949
Oh my god, and they're all screaming.
950
The bride is crying.
951
The good news is that I have this .
952
I have all kinds of whistles for the dogs, and they know that when I whistle in certain ways, they better come right away.
953
And of course they went like in a cartoon.
954
And they ran all the way.
955
They ran all the way to the little cabana.
956
I arrived later and they were like this.
957
Oh no. I have so many stories with my dogs.
958
Right.
959
I'm glad I took them.
960
Yeah.
961
And those are the ones you rescued off the street?
962
They are all except for one that's a gift
963
and the one My mother just passed away that I rescued from an abusive movie trainer.
964
They're all from the streets in different countries, never from a shelter.
965
Good for you, good for you, that's amazing.
966
I love that you do that.
967
I think it's also important, cuz you have a daughter.
968
I think it's important for kids to grow up with animals so they understand and it helps them be gentle with animals.
969
How old is your daughter now?
970
She's nine.
971
Nine, wow.
972
I think she was tiny when she was here the last time.
973
Yeah, but that was four years ago.
974
So what is she into?
975
Oh, she's into the slime craze.
976
I don't know what that means.
977
It's like a very humongous booger, soft booger.
978
That they make, and they play with it, and they make it with glitter and colors.
979
And she's obsessed.
980
She knows how to make them.
981
And it's like getting out of control.
982
And then she started selling it at school.
983
And we're having dinner with my husband and I said, Valentina, I don't want you selling it at school.
984
This is not right.
985
You can give it away to your friends.
986
He said, don't go to school to sell.
987
I mean, you're not right, right, Francois?
988
And he goes, right.
989
How much do you sell them for?
990
I kid you not.
991
And she goes, two pounds.
992
Two pounds?
993
Yes.
994
What are the ingredients and how much each one of them cost?
995
And how much do you put in it?
996
And I couldn't believe it.
997
I said, you're not doing what I think.
998
You're undercharging.
999
Yeah, yeah.
1000
Profit market.
1001
I said, you're undercharging because the investment is bigger and you don't have any profit.
1002
And she goes, I have profit because I don't pay for the materials.
1003
You pay for it.
1004
I take my.
1005
And I said, no, no, no, this has got to stop.
1006
And he goes, we're practicing math.
1007
Wow.
1008
That's amazing.
1009
Well, it's good because y'all are hurting for money.
1010
So it's good that she's making some money for you.
1011
We're back with Jamie Foxx.
1012
I mean, really, your voice is so incredible.
1013
You're so talented in so many ways.
1014
You do impressions.
1015
And you're doing a movie.
1016
You're playing Mike Tyson.
1017
Is that right?
1018
I'm playing Mike Tyson.
1019
Wow, that's going to be amazing.
1020
Yeah.
1021
And what's interesting about Mike Tyson, I met Mike Tyson when I was 21.
1022
You know, we all doing a stand-up comedy at that time.
1023
And I was burning.
1024
Ooh, I was burning LA down.
1025
I was like the hottest comic coming through.
1026
And I get to my Mike Tyson joke, and we in the hood at this hood club.
1027
I get to my Mike Tyson joke, I'm about to kill it.
1028
And it's complete silence because Mike Tyson is in the audience.
1029
And this is back at the time when Mike is knocking people out for having on the wrong shirt, you know?
1030
And so no one's laughing.
1031
And then a dude who I still know to this day yelled out from the back, Mike Tyson's in here.
1032
And everybody, and then some black girls in the front, I'm like, what you gonna do, Jamie?
1033
You gonna tell the joke?
1034
You gonna tell your little joke now, Jamie?
1035
I'm like, don't get him upset.
1036
You know what I'm just trying to do?
1037
So then the dude said, Mike said, do the joke.
1038
And it better be funny.
1039
I'm like, oh, snap.
1040
So I do the joke.
1041
I do the joke.
1042
The joke was funny.
1043
I get a standing ovation.
1044
All of a sudden, Mike Tyson runs up to him.
1045
Hi, you're so funny.
1046
You're crazy.
1047
Come here.
1048
I want to hang out with you.
1049
You're crazy.
1050
I want to hang out with you.
1051
You're funny.
1052
Come on.
1053
Come on.
1054
And I started hanging out with Mike Tyson at a time where he was bigger than life.
1055
So I didn't know that I was preparing at that time by watching him.
1056
And I watched him all the way up.
1057
I watched the demise when he went through all of the bad things.
1058
And then I watched him when he got out of jail and came to Vegas.
1059
I was actually living in Vegas because I ran out of money.
1060
And when he fought in Vegas,
1061
it was 350,000 people in the city with no tickets and no place to stay.
1062
When I went, and women came to stay at my house because they wanted to see Mike Tyson.
1063
He had this pool like it was corporate women, you know, like beautiful corporate.
1064
I said, what is it about Mike Tyson that you like so much?
1065
And she's getting ready.
1066
She's like, Jamie, is it something about a man who ain't got no shirt on
1067
and no socks and he could beat up everybody in the world?
1068
And I was like, rah.
1069
And when we went to the after party, it was at his house.
1070
And everybody was there.
1071
Stevie Wonder was there playing the piano.
1072
And he didn't like a, what's the thong song guy?
1073
For some reason, he didn't like, get away from me, thong song.
1074
I was like, oh.
1075
I didn't like that thong song.
1076
I was like, hey, man, you better stand over here.
1077
You don't like that.
1078
And I watched the girl ask him to take a picture.
1079
Would you take a picture?
1080
And he said, get away from me.
1081
You don't want me to take a picture.
1082
You want to put me back in jail.
1083
And it really got serious.
1084
And everybody was like, whoa.
1085
Get away from me.
1086
You want to put me in jail?
1087
And the security guards were like, yo, Mike, Mike, Mike.
1088
Hold on, Mike.
1089
Mike.
1090
And even Stevie Wonder was like, what is?
1091
I was like, Stevie, sit down.
1092
You don't want to catch a right or something.
1093
What's going on?
1094
Don't worry about it, Stevie.
1095
Just calm down, Stevie.
1096
Calm down, Stevie.
1097
Because you know he wanted to flee.
1098
He just heard something.
1099
His ears are very sensitive.
1100
Yes.
1101
I'm sorry, please.
1102
So anyway, his play sister comes from out of the kitchen and calms him down,
1103
and I watched that as a moment.
1104
Leading all the way up to now, today, when we talked about doing the movie, and Terry Winter, who wrote Boardwalk Empire,
1105
Martin Scorsese, who hasn't directed a movie about boxing since Raging Bull will direct it.
1106
And when I went to meet with Mike, it's a different Mike, which is the Mike I think will really, really focus on.
1107
I went to his house, different, modest, no lions, no tigers in cages.
1108
And I said, Mike, how are you?
1109
And this is Mike, not the impersonation.
1110
All praise the twilight, my brother, I'm happy.
1111
That's why he happy, because I don't have any money anymore, so nobody can take anything from me anymore.
1112
I'm happy, I'm more, I'm at peace with myself.
1113
There's no vultures, no crazy people around me.
1114
I said, that's the movie.
1115
And then when you saw him interact with his daughter, every time she was outside playing, he said, be somewhere I can see you.
1116
I don't want to be able to have to look out there and not see you.
1117
Don't make me mad now, because I want to be able to see you.
1118
I don't want anything to happen to you, because he lost his daughter.
1119
So all of those things is going to make this movie, I think, one of the most exciting things that I've...
1120
Yeah, what a life.
1121
This is going to be amazing.
1122
You'll be amazing.
1123
Thanks.
1124
You're great.
1125
They're happy to see you.
1126
Everything.
1127
Yeah, that's good.
1128
Yeah.
1129
How you been?
1130
Good.
1131
How you been?
1132
I'm always good.
1133
I'm happy.
1134
I've been seeing you for a while.
1135
I sent you some gifts when you started your, you moved your talk show here from Chicago to Universal, right?
1136
Yeah.
1137
Yeah.
1138
And I sent you some gifts.
1139
You always do.
1140
Well, you had a big desk.
1141
Do you think it's big?
1142
Not for me.
1143
Uh-huh.
1144
That's, that was her gift.
1145
Yeah the giant pencils and the cup holder.
1146
Yeah.
1147
And the stapler.
1148
Well, but look at that picture of you at the desk.
1149
It looks like you're waiting for a panel to arrive and you're the first one there.
1150
Doesn't it?
1151
I thought it was nice.
1152
We don't even use the desk anymore.
1153
I know.
1154
I know, because you realize how silly that was.
1155
I bought you something, since you're always bringing me stuff.
1156
I bought you something.
1157
Yeah, and that's the logo.
1158
That's the show you should be watching right before she come on.
1159
Yeah, yeah.
1160
We're partners.
1161
Yep, your show, then my show.
1162
You're going to love this.
1163
Oh, I hope so.
1164
Yeah, you will.
1165
Is it money?
1166
Yeah, I wouldn't even tell your producers.
1167
Oh, look at leather pants.
1168
No, no, no, no. No. No, no, no, no. Are they pleather?
1169
No, they're vegan leather. So pleather.
1170
Yeah, they're vegan leather.
1171
Yes.
1172
Yeah.
1173
Look at that.
1174
So you can, hey, you can put them on and get them eight off.
1175
That's all that means.
1176
You don't understand what vegan leather means.
1177
It doesn't mean you can eat it.
1178
It just means it's not made from a cow.
1179
That's why you can eat it.
1180
No. Because you are vegan.
1181
No, no. It doesn't mean you can eat the pants.
1182
It just means that they're not made from.
1183
Thank you.
1184
Thank you.
1185
Really?
1186
You can't.
1187
You can't eat them.
1188
Yeah.
1189
No. That's what that means.
1190
It doesn't mean that.
1191
Don't worry about that.
1192
You don't worry about it.
1193
Try it.
1194
I'm going to.
1195
I'm not going to.
1196
Just be delicious.
1197
You eat it.
1198
I'm not a vegan.
1199
It doesn't matter.
1200
If they were leather pants, I'd tear them up.
1201
You'd eat them?
1202
Yeah.
1203
I'm going to give them to Portia.
1204
I bet she would love these.
1205
That's what.
1206
Now you see what I'm getting at.
1207
Ha ha.
1208
Oh, yeah.
1209
Yeah.
1210
Ha.
1211
Oh.
1212
Hey.
1213
Hey.
1214
Hey.
1215
Hey.
1216
Hey.
1217
I've been trying, this is five years I've been trying to get this woman.
1218
She gets me all the time.
1219
I just got her.
1220
No. And you fell right into it.
1221
You said, I'm gonna give them to Portia.
1222
Now we talking, bam.
1223
Bam.
1224
Well, I'm so happy to see you.
1225
Thank you for my gift and congratulations on the show.
1226
You got picked up for another season.
1227
You got an Emmy nomination, all going good.
1228
Going pretty good, man.
1229
Yeah.
1230
Going pretty good.
1231
Yeah.
1232
You're having fun.
1233
Yeah, life is good.
1234
Yeah.
1235
Grandkids now.
1236
Yeah, you have how many now?
1237
We got four now and one on the way.
1238
Wow.
1239
So we got two boys, two girls.
1240
It's a tiebreaker coming.
1241
And you don't know what it is yet?
1242
No, not yet.
1243
All right, four grandkids.
1244
Yeah, four grandkids.
1245
And my wife Marjorie is all in.
1246
She's all in.
1247
This na-na papa thing is big for her.
1248
She's na-na.
1249
Right.
1250
I figured that.
1251
Cool name.
1252
Yeah, it'd be weird for her to be papa and you be na-na.
1253
Yeah, I don't want to be papa though.
1254
I want it to.
1255
What do you want to be?
1256
I want to be called Big Pimpin'. Is it too late?
1257
How old are they?
1258
Well, I can't.
1259
She told me my granddaughters can't call me Big Pimpin'.
1260
No?
1261
No, but she's all.
1262
Let me tell you how crazy my wife is.
1263
She's, oh, these two right here.
1264
She's into everything.
1265
Halloween at our house.
1266
You know, I just thought Halloween was just candy.
1267
It's just get a kid's candy.
1268
That's all we had, just candy.
1269
She throws a thing in the backyard, a carnival.
1270
We have cotton candy machines, making the apples machines.
1271
We got a petting zoo and a teepee, a 16 foot high teepee.
1272
Wow.
1273
And so the kids are loving it.
1274
So the next day is Wednesday, because Halloween was on the Tuesday, so the next day is Wednesday.
1275
So I'm off on Wednesdays.
1276
I'm out at the pool smoking a cigar.
1277
I'm having a good time.
1278
All of a sudden, the four grandkids are on the other side of the house just screaming.
1279
Ah!
1280
Ah!
1281
They taking the teepee!
1282
They taking the teepee!
1283
The man had come over to remove the teepee and the pedisome.
1284
These kids' mouths were so wide like Charlie Brown.
1285
You could see that little dang-a-lang in the back of that.
1286
Ah!
1287
Ah!
1288
And so I go over there and I'm panicking because, Papa, they taking a teepee.
1289
So I said, ho, ho.
1290
I said, sir, sir, stop taking the teepee down in front of the kids.
1291
Look at these kids.
1292
Sir, I have to remove the teepee.
1293
It's my job.
1294
I don't give a damn what your job is.
1295
You see these kids tripping.
1296
Yeah.
1297
Take the teepee down.
1298
Just go do something else and leave the teepee alone.
1299
So he said, OK, sir.
1300
So I got him calmed down.
1301
I go back to my cigar in the pool.
1302
Hour and a half later.
1303
They're taking the teepee!
1304
So I panicked.
1305
I throw the cigar in the pool, which is not a good idea, because it don't look like a cigar when it's in the pool.
1306
It's in there doing some other stuff.
1307
And I go around there, and they just, they're taking the teepee!
1308
I said, sir, sir, you've got to stop taking this teepee down in front of this kitchen.
1309
Sir, I'm done.
1310
I have to go.
1311
I said, OK.
1312
Man, well, how much is the teepee?
1313
The dude said the teepee is $8,500.
1314
I said, what kind of damn teepee?
1315
So Papa, they taking a teepee.
1316
Shut up for a minute.
1317
Let me talk.
1318
They taking a teepee.
1319
So I bought the teepee.
1320
Yep.
1321
The teepee is in our yard.
1322
I had to move it over.
1323
Oh, you got a picture of it.
1324
Yeah.
1325
It's 16 feet high, folks.
1326
So it's in the backyard.
1327
So recently, little Rose comes over.
1328
She can talk pretty good.
1329
And like, she's a little, she's a girl.
1330
So she's a little, she tells everything.
1331
And I was trying to get her nothing.
1332
And she go back and, nah nah, our teepee smell like pawpaw cigars.
1333
And so I can't believe she's telling this.
1334
And so my wife goes, Steve, why does the teepee smell like cigars?
1335
I say, cause it's $8,500.
1336
And when they not here, it's not a teepee.
1337
It's a cigar lounge.
1338
I see.
1339
Yeah.
1340
That's fair.
1341
It's a nice place.
1342
It's fair.
1343
Smoke goes straight up.
1344
It's really nice.
1345
I bet it's nice in there, yeah.
1346
It's nice.
1347
I bet it's real nice and smoky in there when you're by yourself.
1348
It's so nice.
تنزيل التطبيق
كل ما تحتاجه للتحدث بطلاقة
تقييم النطق بالذكاء الاصطناعيتقييم كل جملة
تدريب IPAأتقن كل صوت
المفرداتابنِ رصيدك من الكلمات
لعبة المفرداتتعلّم أثناء اللعب
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المفردات وملاحظات التحدث لهذا الدرس
يحتوي هذا الفيديو على 1348 جملة و9753 كلمة للتدرب على الترديد. مدة الكلام 53:08. يتكلم المتحدث بسرعة، نحو 184 كلمة في الدقيقة، لذا ستسمع كثيرًا من وصل الكلمات واختزال الأصوات. 83% من الكلمات ضمن أكثر 3,000 كلمة شيوعًا في الإنجليزية، ويُستحسن مراجعة الباقي قبل البدء.
أهم المفردات في هذا الفيديو
15 كلمة من الفيديو تستحق التعلّم، مع النطق والمعنى:
| الكلمة | النطق | المعنى |
|---|---|---|
| pants اسم | /pænts/ | بِنْطَال, سِرْوَال |
| hilarious صفة | /hɪˈlɛə.ɹi.əs/ | مَرِح, مُضْحِك |
| fence اسم | /fɛns/ | سُور, سِيَاج |
| popcorn اسم | /ˈpɑp.kɔɹn/ | فِشَار, فُشَار |
| vacation اسم | /veɪˈkeɪ.ʃən/ | عُطْلَة, إِجَازَة |
| leather اسم | /ˈlɛðɚ/ | جِلْد |
| cigar اسم | /sɪˈɡɑɹ/ | سِيجَار, سِيكَار |
| congratulations | /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/ | مُبَارَك, مَبْرُوك |
| candy اسم | /ˈkæn.di/ | حَلْوَى, حَلْوَى سُكَّرِيَّة |
| mirror اسم | /ˈmiɹɚ/ | مِرْآة, مراية |
| desk اسم | /dɛsk/ | مَكْتَب, مِنْضَدَة |
| wire اسم | /ˈwaɪɚ/ | سِلْك |
| sudden صفة | /ˈsʌd.ən/ | مُبَاغِت, مُفَاجِئ |
| stretch فعل | /stɹɛt͡ʃ/ | تَمَدَّدَ |
| apologize فعل | /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/ | اِعْتَذَرَ, اِسْتَعْذَرَ |
الأفعال المركبة التي ستسمعها
| الكلمة | النطق | المعنى |
|---|---|---|
| stand up فعل | قَامَ | |
| calm down فعل | أَهْدَأَ, هَدَّأَ | |
| turn around فعل | اِلْتَفَتَ, اِسْتَدَارَ | |
| come back فعل | عَادَ, رَجَعَ | |
| come out فعل | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | خَرَجَ, غَادَرَ |
| fill out فعل | /fɪl ˈaʊt/ | مَلَأَ |
| go out فعل | خَرَجَ |
القواعد في هذا الفيديو
أكثر التراكيب التي يستخدمها المتحدث، مع العبارات نفسها من الفيديو:
| التركيب | في الفيديو |
|---|---|
| المضارع التام المستمر have/has been + -ing — حدث بدأ سابقًا وما زال مستمرًا | We've been trying · I've been shifting · I've been feeding |
| الجمل الشرطية if + جملة، will/would + فعل — شرط ونتيجته | If they were leather pants, I'd tear |
| المضارع التام have/has + اسم المفعول — حدث ماضٍ ما زال له أثر الآن | you've never been · haven't been · I've never heard |
| المبني للمجهول be + اسم المفعول — التركيز على ما يحدث لا على من يفعله | be made · is just crooked · I've been electrified |
نطق يحتاج إلى انتباه
يستخدم المتحدث 407 من الصيغ المختصرة، مثل I'm, don't, you're. انطقها بصيغتها القصيرة كما تسمعها.
- أصوات “th”: leather /ˈlɛðɚ/, mathematics /mæθ(.ə)ˈmæt.ɪks/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/
- أصوات “sh” و“zh”: vacation /veɪˈkeɪ.ʃən/, congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, flesh /flɛʃ/, luxurious /lʌɡˈʒʊəɹi.əs/, shock /ʃɔk/
- الكلمات الطويلة — انتبه لموضع النبر: hilarious /hɪˈlɛə.ɹi.əs/, congratulations /kənˌɡɹæt͡ʃəˈleɪʃ(ə)nz/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, luxurious /lʌɡˈʒʊəɹi.əs/, adrenaline /əˈdɹɛnəlɪn/
كيف تتدرب بهذا الفيديو
- استمع إلى الفيديو كاملًا مرة واحدة دون أن تتكلم، ودوّن الكلمات التي لا تعرفها.
- ابدأ بسرعة 0.75×، وردّد جملة جملة، ثم عُد إلى السرعة العادية عندما يصبح الأمر سهلًا.
- سجّل صوتك وقارنه بالأصل، مع الانتباه إلى كلمات مثل pants, hilarious, fence.
ما هي تقنية التظليل الصوتي؟
التظليل الصوتي (Shadowing) تقنية تعلم لغة مدعومة علمياً، طُورت أصلاً لتدريب المترجمين الفوريين المحترفين. الطريقة بسيطة لكنها قوية: تستمع لصوت إنجليزي أصلي وتكرره فوراً بصوت عالٍ — كظل يتبع المتحدث بتأخير 1-2 ثانية. تُظهر الأبحاث تحسناً كبيراً في دقة النطق والتنغيم والإيقاع وربط الأصوات والاستماع والطلاقة.