تدريب Shadowing: The Art of Charm Podcast 716 - 8 Tips for Compelling Conversation - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية عبر الفيديو
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So this month's topic, as we covered last week, is compelling conversations.
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And we wanted to kick off this episode where we're going to be diving into a fun article
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or a listicle here around how to connect with people and really define what we mean by compelling conversations.
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What does that mean to you, Johnny?
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Well, first of all, we want to get the doors open, and we've been talking about that.
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And I think if it goes back to the first impressions episode with a great first impression, gives you a wide window of opportunity.
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And then we had talked about getting things started and now showing some interest,
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letting them know that you're curious about them, getting the conversation moving.
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And I think this is the opposite of small talk.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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When people think about conversations and and getting nervous about what to say and what not to say, a compelling conversation stands out.
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It makes you memorable and it opens the door to connection.
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That's what we mean by compelling.
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I know a lot of times we overestimate what that means
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and there's fireworks in our head and it means saying the perfect things at the right time.
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That's not what we're talking about here.
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It's a window to vulnerability and connection.
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Well, it's an easy it's easy to think that it's always easy to think about oh, this is where the magic is going to happen.
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But that magic is all the work that happens before, during, and after that allows that to stick.
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And so many people say, if you see compelling conversations, it's easy to go, oh, this is the episode where they're going to drop the secret of the memorable,
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amazing story that everyone should learn and everyone should pull out the rabbit out of the hat.
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And it's not as sexy as that.
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However, it can be a lot of fun if you understand the working components from the non-verbals and the verbals.
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And allowing another person to share.
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Yes.
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A lot of times we think compelling conversations.
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We think of our own pitch and what we're saying
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and how polished it has to be and how impressive it has to be.
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It's actually the opposite of that.
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And that's why we love this article.
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Well, think about it.
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If you're putting all the pressure on yourself to make the magic happen, what we usually see, especially when we're doing video work,
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and it's easy to get caught up in this, where you're just steamrolling and plowing over the other person because you have this thing that you've worked out, you're ready to roll, you know it works magic.
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It's worked that one time in the past.
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And so every conversation goes, this comes out at some point.
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And of course, the other person, the only thing that they're going to remember, the only thing compelling about this is how to get out of it.
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Or does this person even care what I have to think about this?
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And when we talk about conversations, it's a two-way street.
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Absolutely.
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And now we're adding some depth.
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It's not that surface, how's the weather, what I like to do on my weekends or what I do for work.
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We're taking it a level deeper.
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And today's article is eight insanely effective ways to connect with anyone you meet.
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It's by Dr. Carrie Petzinger on Lifehack.
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We'll link it up in the show notes.
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If you have questions around compelling conversations, how to be more engaging, how to be more memorable,
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submit those for us to answer on the last episode of this month.
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In our Q&A episode, you can submit those to me, AJ at The Art of Charm or on our social media channels at The Art of Charm on Instagram and Twitter.
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we're happy to answer your questions on how to be more compelling.
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But what's really interesting about all of this is we're talking about how to get to connection.
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And I feel that a lot of us struggle with that because as Johnny was saying earlier, we have this script in our head of how it's supposed to go.
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And we want to tee things up to the best of our ability.
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When in actuality, this is more of an art form.
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This is more of a dance in the conversation than blasting the other person with information.
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Well, I think there's also some toxic movie ideas of what it looks like as well.
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You might see the movie where the guy is really slick
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and he has this great story and the other person is looking to him,
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marveled in the story that's been created and he's laying out there.
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And so we have in our head that we need to have that happen.
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And that would be great, but it's never just on us.
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It's a conversation.
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It's a two-way street.
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There's two people participating.
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And another misconception that we hear a lot is opposites attract.
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And we were just talking about this earlier.
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A lot of people look at me and Johnny as opposites on the surface level.
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But in actuality, we haven't seen that in our lives.
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Opposites don't attract and stick together.
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Opposites actually lose interest very quickly because what's going on below the surface is actually the more important stuff.
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And what do we mean by that, Johnny?
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values, traits, ethics, all the things that you care about most is where the attraction and the stick is going to be.
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And everyone can have their outside example of, oh, here's two opposite people.
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Yeah, but if you look below, you're going to find all the things that link them.
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Yeah.
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those beliefs, worldviews, morals, ethics are what have joined for me and Johnny and created that connection.
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It was not based on our music preferences.
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It's certainly not based on our sports team preferences, but it's easy to get caught up in that surface level stuff like, oh, you know, he's into rock music.
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So am I.
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We like the same genre.
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Oh, we're going to connect.
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We're going to be friends.
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It actually happens much deeper.
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Well, you know, it's funny you should mention it but
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because it's i think it's conversations that you
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and i would have with music or sports teams
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that are a lot of fun because there's
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so much disagreement there with all the other things
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that we do agree upon so we're able to have these colorful conversations
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that you know i think that's what makes our conversations
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so compelling to others who who listen to the show
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or who marvel at the conversations that we'll have on perhaps on the the masterminds
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or dinner dinners when we're doing networking stuff
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because they see us kind of maybe it can look to the untrained eye
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that we're squabbling right or really not there's a lot of
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of give and take back and forth and and then throwing in the shots but it's i mean it's
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but it's all the other things that link us behind all
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that that makes those conversations so colorful and fun
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and we can throw shots at each other
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and not take it personally well i think we also respect competition true right
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and i think sports are one of those ways
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that it bubbles to the surface
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but you don't have to be into sports to enjoy competition i mean with the rise of e-gaming
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and and video games in general there are plenty of other ways than sports to compete with one another
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but our respective competition creates this colorful banter these opportunities to push back and forth.
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And sometimes it can be a little jarring to the outsider of like, oh, AJ's digging into Johnny or vice versa.
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With all of that, the connection for us, going back to those worldviews and mindsets of growth and being into personal development,
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those are things that are happening below the surface
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that a lot of us aren't asking the right questions to bubble up to the top.
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And I think that's why when we hear opposites attract and, oh, it's all based on commonalities and similar interests it's much deeper than
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that so how do we start getting
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that connection how do we actually get to that point well the first point of the article here is pay attention
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and i know we've talked about this a lot on the show
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when it comes to value it's one of the easiest ways
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we can give someone value is to give them our attention
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well to to go back to the episode was it 694 694 uh becoming high value
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and when we talk about value those three a's attention approval
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and acceptance go a long way in allowing people to feel good
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and if you want to have a better idea of how
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that works i would go back and listen to that
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that episode because it will it'll allow you to understand how important paying attention is
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and why it is so effective in compelling conversations.
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And listen, in today's world, it's hard to pay attention.
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There are so many distractions.
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We've joked about it before.
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It's the attention economy.
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You have businesses fighting for your attention, marketers fighting for your attention, friends, family members, coworkers, all fighting for your attention.
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And when you give someone your attention, it's meaningful.
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It allows the other person to feel fully committed to the interaction.
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Well, ask Google how important your attention is.
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Well, they actually have a number.
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Billions of dollars.
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Absolutely.
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And so if they find it that important, if Facebook finds it that important, if Instagram finds it that important,
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then your friends, family, and the people around you, your social circle, they should find it that important.
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They should value it just as much as those tech companies.
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And that's why they allow you to give those token moments of attention.
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I like this.
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I'll comment here.
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I'll interact there.
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It's all what they're doing is they're using our attention and they're monetizing it for their gain, but it is important and we all seek it as humans.
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And there are a ton of studies that demonstrate that active listening is one of the most crucial skills in conversation.
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Though it can be difficult, I think once you get the hang of it and it's something that you bring a conscious effort towards,
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you can become really good at active listening
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and it can it can redefine how you look at conversations
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and by just by being present i know for a fact
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when i walk into the podcast studio to do these episodes
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i cannot be looking at my phone at least i try
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to not to a half an hour before we come in here
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because i have to re-get my brain to get uh to get present
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because if not i'm going to be thinking of did I get another like on my last post?
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How is that going to help me what's going on in here?
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And I'll be honest, I still struggle with this.
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It's a skill that you're going to work on your entire life
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because technology is fighting very hard for our attention and that's a battle.
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So I don't always win the battle.
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I lose the battle sometimes.
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I have my phone, I'm flipping through things.
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I'm bouncing between Slack and Instagram and email
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and trying to keep up with everything going on in the business and answer the fans.
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But when we can unplug from that, which is why we do it on our mastermind events, we grab everyone's phone, we grab everyone's phone in bootcamp.
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When you can set your phone down and give a stranger your attention, well, that starts that compelling conversation that allows the other person to feel valued.
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And let's go through some simple studies that back all of this up, right?
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We got a study here from Harry Wigger at the University of Central Florida, active listening is more important in making people like you
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and making them feel understood than giving out well-meant advice or simple acknowledgement like I hear you.
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I mean, I hear you is probably one of the most frustrating responses to get in conversation, especially if you're being vulnerable.
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I love it when people are on their phone like, yeah, I hear you.
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No, you're not hearing anything.
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In fact, saying I hear you is pretty much a universal signal you didn't catch anything it's a simple dismissal
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and you can add i feel you bro you can throw
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that one in there as well um it's as good as
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cool story bro in my book i hear you well you know it's it's a wonderful thing to know
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that just being present is going to go a long way
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because now you don't have to roll into the your mental
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rolodex to try to figure out how you're going to counter what's happening.
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You being present, giving that person your attention is plenty.
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And it's easier than we think.
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As Johnny said, it's so easy for us to go cerebral, go straight to what am I going to say next?
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Or how does this link to this story?
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Or where have I heard that before?
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Or how can I connect on this?
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It's simpler than that.
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It's actually giving the other person a moment completely to speak their mind and allowing yourself to hear everything they're saying.
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Now, paraphrasing and perception checking is another essential verbal skill.
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Paraphrasing means repeating what the other person has said in your own words.
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And that gives the other person an opportunity to one, realize that you heard them.
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Yes.
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And two, an opportunity for further discussion.
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They could either agree with your perspective on what you just heard, or they could disagree with it.
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But that disclosure is how we start the ball rolling and start get compelling.
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Well, one of the things that I've learned, and this gives the value because not only that, it shows that you want to make sure that what you heard is correct.
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And I love using the phrase, listen, I'm going to repeat back to you what you said, just so I'm clear.
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And if I am not, please correct me.
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And that goes a long way.
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It shows the care.
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It shows the attention.
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there's also their approving there and in the conversation
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and what's being said so that we can move forward there there's a lot
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and it's the beginning of empathy yes it's the first step on
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that empathy train now perception checking means telling the other person of your perception of what's going on
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and giving them a chance to agree or disagree so paraphrasing is recapping what was said, perception is now what your thoughts and feelings are about what's going on.
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Do you, have you noticed in what we've just talked about right there, none of that happens in Twitter or Facebook?
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Paraphrasing.
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Have you ever seen, wait, let me make sure I've got your post right because I'm a- Before I blast you.
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You know, what is that, 240 characters now?
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Yeah.
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Oh my God.
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Yeah, there is none of that.
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It's what, and what's even, look at this, perception and paraphrasing.
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Half the time the arguments on Facebook is from an article title that is for clickbait that no one has even read, you just want to go off.
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Let's talk about.
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How often have you clicked on those titles and been frustrated that your question wasn't answered
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Every day at least five times So they get attention's being sucked.
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Yeah, so
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Paraphrasing and perception checking essential verbal ways to showcase to someone were present
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Let's talk about some nonverbal ways to showcase were present eye contact.
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Yes when they're talking So this is not at the start of the interaction.
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Now we've moved from, hey, that small talk to, all right, now we're getting compelling.
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We're asking another person to be vulnerable.
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So giving them our attention with some eye contact is important.
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Nodding along a slight head bob so that people know
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that it's registering is a simple way to let them know you're present.
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Well, and, you know, it's so funny funny I've seen
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and have been in so many conversations where the other person is just emotionless
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and it's and I you know a lot of times to point
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that out they don't even know that there's stone emotionless face
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and it's you we use it contribute
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that to some processing right we call processing face they're in
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their head they're trying to they're they're giving you a lot
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of attention they're they're going through what you're saying in their mind but because their face is emotionless, you don't really know if you're getting through,
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if they even care what you're even saying.
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And listen, we do it with young children.
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We are emotive.
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We showcase emotion because we realize they might not be catching everything we're saying verbally.
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So it's important to showcase that positive emotional presence.
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Same thing with strangers.
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We're meeting for the first time.
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If you're stoic, if you're just not emotive at all, well, the other person can read that in a very negative way.
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Oh, I'm not interested in what you have to say.
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I'm not engaged.
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I could care less.
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So allowing the head nod, the eye contact and some emotion to show on your face is huge.
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And then open body language.
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And how often do we see this, Johnny, where people will cross their arms, make themselves smaller, close off that body language from the other person?
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Well, it's such a simple thing to William James.
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And I talk about this all the time.
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William James, It was like late 1870s, puts posts of paper, you know, how you move affects the way you think and feel.
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Now, if you're going to publish that, science is going to take you to task.
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Okay, well, that's a nice idea.
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That's a nice hypothesis.
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We'll actually test that.
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And through, you know, a hundred years of testing these ideas and these theories,
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not only did science come to the conclusion that William James was correct, but they also had the data and science to point out
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that how you move affects the way you think and feel
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and your brain will produce the chemicals to back up those thoughts and feelings so ideas
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such as fake it till you make it or act as
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if which i think we'll be talking about in a minute here go a long way
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and this is
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when we come back to it's easier to act your way
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into thinking than to think your way into acting all the quick wins in self-development if you want to start
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feeling better about things and gaining some control come through body language.
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And then once you can get that corrected and start getting some wins and start feeling good,
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then you can go to the head and start working on all the much more difficult things and all the circular thinking, the flawed thinking, cognitive distortions,
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a lot of those types of ideas
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that are going to need your body language to help break through some of the circular thinking.
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And allowing the other person to feel that attention through your nonverbal communication is important.
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We all notice the universal signals of disinterest.
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So if we can start to showcase more active interest in our body language,
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well, the other person is going to feel more comfortable opening up and moving to that compelling conversation.
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Yeah, I think every guy who's listening this knows the signs of disinterest really, really well.
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We've seen them a few times if we're out there taking some shots, for sure.
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Yeah, it's so funny.
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It's like we've seen them so much we start looking for them even when they're not there,
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which once again, this is why I was talking about breaking that circular thinking because you will see what you're looking for, whether it's there or not.
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And science does show that we are terrible at active listening.
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Oh, yes.
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There's a study from Dick Lee at the University of Missouri
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who said basically you can think faster than someone else can speak.
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So most of us speak at a rate of 125 words per minute
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while we have a mental capacity of 400 words a minute.
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So we're going to be filling in the other 275 with our own words.
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Very often our own words can muck up our ability to be attentive, to be present.
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Well, it goes back to the lens in which you view the world and what has colored that lens
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from either rose-colored to crab-colored.
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And the other thing, you know, it's funny that you mention this because one of the things that I had spent my time on on our break
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while I was in Portugal, both of us had an opportunity to go do some traveling.
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And for myself, this was the first time that I was going to be alone for a while, and I wanted to use it to my advantage and do something that I've never done before.
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so having a journal and journaling the stream of consciousness
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and then and then diving into some of the fleshing some of those thoughts out
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that i found more interested more interesting and it's funny
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because yes i can think or speak 125 words per minute
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but when you're writing out all your thoughts
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and then fleshing them out it is it's interesting to know those 400 words
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that are going on when you're starting to write them, it doesn't come out that fast.
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No. And you start to realize all the, what'd you say, 275 that you're coloring in with,
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what the lens is that those are made of.
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And it's through being able to journal that stream of consciousness and look at it objectively.
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And how big of an impact your emotional state has on it, right?
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I'm sure your stream of consciousness is a little different
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when someone cut you off in traffic
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or your uber driver was tossing you around in the back
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seat well to be able to ask yourself the question why multiple times on a thought
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and follow it all the way through to its root is i don't well
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when do we get to do
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that anymore like you have to actively give yourself time to you have to allow yourself time to do
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that i think it happened once it was a brownout
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that hit the East Coast of the US where no one had internet or power.
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Why?
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And then we got to the fifth why.
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Hopefully you answered it.
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The second point made in the article is seeking feedback.
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And how many of us try to avoid this
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and try to push our own agenda and our own perfection
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and our own successes on other people instead of allowing other people to give us some feedback,
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allowing other people to color in a little bit what's going on.
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And listen, we now know that we're terrible at active listening.
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We're, we struggle with being attentive.
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Yes.
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And we're listening to this podcast because we want to improve.
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So getting some feedback on our ability to communicate is helpful.
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Well, in order to do that to, in order to elicit feedback, you must be open to the idea that there's feedback to get.
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And there's room to grow that you can improve.
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And now if you've been listening to this podcast for any amount of time and decided to share it with some friends,
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you might have found some pushback because all of a sudden you're handing them something about self-development.
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And, you know, as far as self-development has gained some strides in the last 10 years, it still carries a bit of a stigma.
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What do you need to fix about yourself?
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But if you're anyone who wants to get better at anything, you have to be open that you can.
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And we talk about the Dunning-Kruger effect all the time, and it's even listed here.
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And it's the phenomena that people of lower intelligence tend to beat their chest about things that they don't know about,
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where the people of higher intelligence know what they don't know and will be a bit humble.
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Often, yeah, they'll underestimate their abilities.
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Underestimate their abilities of things they don't know because they know what they don't know.
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and how can you get better at a thing like compelling conversations
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if you're not willing to accept feedback and one of the things
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that i and i have to credit you for this
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because you've definitely helped me understand feedback through our years of doing business
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and it is something that i look for now
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but it's not always welcome right it's not always you're not always excited to get it
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because it might not be what you want to hear.
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However, how much stronger are you?
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Again, those learning moments are coming from feedback.
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And here's the thing, when we seek advice from strangers, it leads to compelling conversation.
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It gives them an opportunity to share their opinion.
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It allows the spotlight to go on them.
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We're not stealing the spotlight, demanding their attention.
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And oftentimes people will give unsolicited advice.
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They like that moment.
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They relish that moment.
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So if you want to start a compelling conversation with someone, seek some feedback on what you're doing and allow them an opportunity to mentor you, give you some advice.
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And that's what the author is saying here with going to Toastmasters, going to improv, two things that we talk a lot about with our boot camp participants.
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The training of getting better conversationally doesn't just stop with, oh, I tried it a couple times.
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Oh, I worked on it for the last month
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and I'm good it's an ongoing thing to understand how to communicate more effectively more efficiently
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and engaging you need to be talking to lots of people
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i you know it's it's funny i think you have to
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find opportunities to get your ass kicked in order to accept
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feedback well right like improv they're not always going to be
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you're not always going to be the best on the day
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you're going to go for some stuff it's going to fall flat on your face but you're going to get better.
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Like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, BJJ, basically you're going to get your ass kicked.
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And then because of that, you're going to learn from it.
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And everyone who is open to those ideas has the fast track of betterment.
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Absolutely.
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And seeking feedback outside of in conversation, but in life is probably why you're listening to the show.
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You want to grow as an individual and outside feedback and perspective allows that to happen.
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The third point the author makes here, which dovetails nicely into our conversation formula, is asking questions.
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And we talked about this on the last episode and how important.
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Absolutely.
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And asking the right questions.
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Allowing the other person to talk about themselves, which is their favorite topic.
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And when we give them that opportunity, going back to point number one, we add some attention in there.
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Oh my God, this is a killer combination.
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You just you said it a killer combination you're showing interest
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you're asking questions They now have an opportunity to talk about their favorite subject
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and you're giving them value in doing that
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So you've also gave them value in the beginning of your showing interest
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So there's like how much value are you throwing in their direction?
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Just by allowing them to talk about themselves and that's why I love the conversation formula asking a question
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listening to their answer and always responding in the form of a statement illustrates
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that giving them an opportunity to share being attentive and listening
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and then disclosing something being a little vulnerable putting out your opinion sharing something with them
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that is a powerful way to get the conversation moving in a direction that's not boring small talk
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and for everyone out there who
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let's just
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and we hear this all the time i the the what
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we hear is i find at times i run out of
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things to say well that's one wrong way of looking at it
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because it's just you running your mouth right but two there's only
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so many questions that you can ask to get the other person talking before it just gets weird
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or the conversation collapses on itself so
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and this is why the conversation formula is so important so
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that when you ask the question they give an answer
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and you're now you've gotten all the information you need to tee up something that is sharing about yourself now.
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Yeah, that disclosure is so often lacking when we get stuck on the question train, where we just ask question after question, almost stealing information from the other person until they're like,
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this guy's not paying attention to me.
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This guy's not doing step one.
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Now, number four is also challenging.
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I'm not going to lie.
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We joke about this a lot.
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But we only have so much memory in the database to remember names.
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So a lot of guys will ask us, hey, how do you remember a name if someone offers up their name?
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I try not to go for the name until I have something memorable about their personality
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or something else to latch onto with that name.
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Exactly.
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You know, there was there's a fun game that the improv girls always put with Aaron and Suzanne.
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and they do this game where everyone has to make up a name, but it's actions.
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And I, from the very first time I ever played that improv game, I still can go around the room and remember everyone's action
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because it was burned into my brain and because it was so much fun.
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Right.
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So, you know, if you can tie that name to, as you mentioned, as an action or a memorable moment, it's going to go a lot easier for you.
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Repeating it, as awkward as it may sound in the beginning, repeating it a few times as you get the conversation going helps quite a bit.
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Associating definitely helps.
413
We had a wonderful tour guide in Iceland.
414
We did a walking food tour.
415
We had some lamb hot dogs, some amazing meat soup.
416
Great.
417
And her name, her name was Goodney.
418
Yep.
419
And everyone was asking, how do you say that again?
420
And I said, Badney, Goodney.
421
And immediately everyone remembered her name.
422
And all the guys who are in Iceland listening now can definitely remember it
423
because we associated it with something else that we knew, right?
424
So sometimes these names that are a little tricky, that are not usual for you, Goodney's not a typical American name, I think it's probably a typical Icelandic name,
425
associating it with something else that gives you that ability to pronounce it is very helpful.
426
Let me ask you this, when do you feel, when do you start to feel bad?
427
How many times before you forget somebody's name do you start to feel bad?
428
Like if I have to ask a third time, I feel like just a complete asshole i'd say three is
429
pretty much yeah unless i've consumed a fair amount of alcohol
430
and i have some sort of plausible deniability for such ignorance yeah three is yeah three is the max
431
but i i try not to push for the name in the very beginning no
432
when you're working on talking with a lot of people much
433
and that's the here's the opportunity to make sure you're giving them your active listening
434
so that you can find those moments that will burn a picture
435
or a moment in your mind that you can attach a name to.
436
And Dale Carnegie said it best.
437
Everyone's favorite sound is their own name.
438
When you are using a person's name, they are going to remember you.
439
So that is a way to get that compelling conversation.
440
Now, number five kind of goes along with, I believe, number two, which was getting some feedback.
441
Number five here is don't pretend you know everything.
442
How many times have you been in a conversation that's uncompelling with someone just bloviating about how much they know, how much they've read, how many videos they've seen, and how they have all the answers to your problems?
443
I thought that, is that just an LA thing?
444
I don't know.
445
I've pretty well traveled and I've felt it everywhere I've been.
446
I think it's one of the best things that you can do.
447
That goes with the Dunning-Kruger effect, right?
448
It's just like, first of all, you should be comfortable in knowing what you don't know so that you're able to ask questions, so you're able to get better,
449
so you can learn about other people rather than, as you mentioned, bloviating about everything under the sun just for the sake of hearing your own voice.
450
And stating to someone how much you know or trying to vocalize how intelligent you are, how well read you are is always a bad look.
451
Well, you can continue to talk about all those things that you just mentioned,
452
but the more you're doing that, you're not convincing anybody.
453
No. In fact, the more you're talking, it's easier for you to talk yourself out of any of those things.
454
Yeah, I love this idea of a spotlight effect.
455
When I'm meeting someone, I'm putting the spotlight on them.
456
They're the star.
457
They're the expert.
458
Allow them to bloviate, pontificate, and celebrate themselves.
459
But if you come into a conversation wanting to puff your chest out, wanting to talk about all these different amazing things that you've done or you've seen or you've read,
460
you're actually going to lose the other person's interest.
461
And that is not a compelling conversation.
462
And we never connect on people's perfections.
463
It just doesn't happen.
464
So we always connect through the rougher parts, those vulnerabilities, those things that are imperfect.
465
Well, it says a lot about the person you're speaking to because you know what they're made of.
466
So then you can lean in on them a bit.
467
And understanding that when we puff our chest up and we try to go for I'm Mr. Perfect,
468
no one else is going to feel comfortable in that setting.
469
When you are willing to share your imperfections, you're saying it's okay to be imperfect.
470
Everyone feels more comfortable in that setting.
471
Well, when I hear those stories of messing up or learning, all that says to me is that a person is willing to put themselves in those situations.
472
That takes courage.
473
That's not easy.
474
It takes courage.
475
And if they're willing to tell you how they failed in that situation, then you also know that they've gotten through it, that they were able to learn from it.
476
If all they're speaking about is the triumph, then was there any, did they get anything out of it?
477
It's unrelatable.
478
I don't know where this popped into my head, but I've been saying it so much lately.
479
You have to be able to get yourself in trouble in order to find your way out.
480
That's just the truth of it.
481
Well, we've met a lot of people who don't know how to find their way out of trouble.
482
No, no. Inexperience will lead you into that predicament.
483
Number six here, care about others.
484
Nothing else matters if you don't act like you care about those around you.
485
I mean, being careless does not make you compelling.
486
being careless forgetful
487
and not again going back to point one attentive is a
488
turnoff to people it's not going to be memorable in a good way well one of my favorite things about
489
that is in order for you to to build
490
and maintain a social circle that is going to support
491
and encourage your attempt at being your best you're going to
492
have to learn how to care about others for them to care about you and put you in that situation.
493
We all know that we cannot achieve everything that we want, including being our best selves,
494
without the help of caring others.
495
We are built on community.
496
And if we can't showcase that we care about other people, we're going to be isolated.
497
We're going to be lonely.
498
And understanding that we don't need grand gestures here, but giving people a thank you when they've done you a favor, when they've helped you in conversation,
499
giving people some gratitude, allowing people around you to feel that you are considerate is important.
500
And it allows other people to be compelled to talk to you more, to feel connected to you.
501
And we all love being appreciated.
502
Every single one of us loves being appreciated, which is why it's the second part of value.
503
Going back to episode 694, I know we've used value a lot in this episode.
504
If you are wondering what we mean by value that's a deeper dive
505
but attention appreciation hand in hand
506
and giving someone value well i know there's lots of things
507
that i wouldn't have done
508
if it wasn't egged on by someone in my social circle
509
i uh right now i'm in the middle of training for a half marathon
510
that i had no plans on taking on till you i'm
511
sorry however it was it was an easy pitch right you're like it's the 28th of october
512
and i'm like wow well my birthday's the 29th i'm 45
513
yeah it's a big one it's a it's a notable one uh i'm in
514
and uh you know it's funny because i remember this morning
515
when we were getting when we were with our trainer getting our asses handed it to us.
516
I was like cursing.
517
This whole idea of half marathon.
518
Yeah.
519
We've entered the conditioning phase.
520
Yes.
521
And we actually, we, we posted up to the family that it's happening.
522
So now we have all of the accountability.
523
Remember our accountability episode?
524
Absolutely.
525
Identifying the goal, sharing it with others.
526
And now we have a bunch of people joining us here in LA on the half marathon.
527
We'll post a link under this in the show notes under this episode for you to check out the Rock
528
and Roll Marathon in LA.
529
If any of you show listeners want to join us on a half marathon and compete against your favorite show host, you can check it out below.
530
You know, it was part of that.
531
You know, I keep thinking just how amazing that beer is going to taste after that.
532
It's going to be the best beer ever.
533
I mean, for all the work of months and the sweat and the tears and the blood and the guts.
534
I'm still trying to figure out how I'm crossing the finish line.
535
So you're already, you're dancing in the end zone.
536
I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get there.
537
But I'm starting my training and getting my miles logged.
538
Well, another thing about this, right?
539
Why did I get involved?
540
Well, you mentioned it was something that you wanted to do, right?
541
And so, of course, I want to see you do things that you want to do.
542
I want to see you test and put yourself out in an uncomfortable situation.
543
And of course, you know, I look for those opportunities as well.
544
I know some of you guys have mentioned David Goggins in your letters to us, and we are looking to get him on the show.
545
I think we're making it happen.
546
You know, it was something, when I see his post, I get fired up.
547
There's like, between him and Jocko, there's so many times where I'll wake up in the morning, and I'm like, I don't feel it.
548
And I see like David Goggins flipping a tire for like a mile and I'm like, all right, I'm getting up.
549
Yeah, time to do something that I hate.
550
But here again, another opportunity to bond
551
and cement our relationship even further of putting ourselves both out there in an uncomfortable place.
552
Yeah, neither one of us are runners.
553
No, no. And
554
but it's you know as much as I was cursing your name this morning I did it's gonna be on it's good.
555
It's gonna be it the whole thing's been fun so far.
556
We've just got started I mean this this whole year has been built around change for us
557
and improving our health is a big part of dealing with a lot of the stress
558
that comes along with change
559
and As I was sitting there in berries logging another three miles in class in the treadmill I was like alright.
560
I guess I run now So what can I do to kick it up a lot?
561
Yeah, of course and when we first moved to LA Nine years ago now we did a 5k.
562
Yeah, and it was fun.
563
It was doable So I didn't feel like 5k is challenging enough.
564
So we kicked it up to a half marathon We'd love
565
to have some of our fans join us here in LA for the marathon I say well
566
if they're in a race you should write us bike.
567
I'm coming.
568
We're doing it All right, you could write me Johnny at the art of charm calm and AJ at the art of charm.
569
I would love to know if you guys doesn't want to run with us.
570
Now, showing appreciation is a skill set.
571
Showing that you care others is a skill set and a ritual, a habit that we have to build over time.
572
And it's one of the reasons that we built the challenge.
573
So we have a challenge Facebook group with, I believe now it's a few challenges to get you moving socially.
574
You can check it out the art of charm dot com slash challenge.
575
But one of those challenges is all around this idea of creating a habit of giving appreciation to others,
576
allowing other people around you to feel appreciated, whether they're friends, family, coworkers, or absolute strangers.
577
When you work on this habit and build out this skill set, it opens a world of doors.
578
And as we can see here, it also creates that space for compelling conversation.
579
Well, you know, I don't have those studies in front of me, but they've been done in a million times of how it allows you to feel better.
580
I believe there's a whole section Adam Grant's book about appreciation.
581
Give and take.
582
And part of our ritual with the family is on Wednesdays,
583
we have appreciative Wednesdays where everyone gets to post up who and what they're appreciative for in that day.
584
It's a very healthy habit to have mentally.
585
When you get focused on how can I appreciate others, you stop looking internally and focusing on all of your warts and all of your issues,
586
but instead celebrate others, it creates a powerful virtuous cycle
587
that people around you start to get conditioned that you treat them well, you make them feel good.
588
So I want to make AJ feel good.
589
And all of a sudden you're getting it mirrored back at you.
590
Number seven, see it as a room full of friends.
591
And I talk about this on day one, how important attitude is in our confidence.
592
And when we feel like we are lacking some confidence, especially socially, it's easy for introverts and those of us with social anxiety to lack confidence socially.
593
Well, it's very easy for us to see and picture and visualize all the ways we're going to fail.
594
All the ways that people are going to find us uninteresting, boring, lame.
595
But science has shown that people with confidence before an event,
596
before a potential stress, they see all the ways that things can go in their favor.
597
They see success.
598
They visualize success.
599
Well, let's talk about success socially.
600
Visualizing it as a room full of friends and not strangers who are going to judge you or find you awkward, but instead viewing the room as a bunch of people that are already my friends,
601
well, that's a great visualization to start with.
602
Yeah.
603
We have Edgar Guest as a poet.
604
In 1915, he had wrote, there are no strangers here, only friends you haven't met yet.
605
I've heard that saying many times, and it's a great one.
606
But you also have to train yourself to think in that manner because certainly if you have anxiety, that's one thing.
607
You're already starting from a place of fear, but just in a natural state.
608
If you haven't put yourself in that position many times, it's easy to feel judgmental because you're uncomfortable.
609
And so all of us have to come from that place when we're uncomfortable.
610
We have to then rationalize why we're uncomfortable.
611
And the easiest thing to say is, well, because everyone here is dressed funny and they're pretentious and they're hipsters and they're this and they're that.
612
Put them in the out group.
613
That's the easiest.
614
Boom.
615
Now they're out there and now you can justify feeling the way you do.
616
But the thing that happens out of that is once you've put them in the out group, your body language is usually going to exhibit that as well,
617
which only forces them in a position to mirror that back.
618
And now you have that thought reinforced.
619
And now you have those people looking at you as an out group.
620
And you're looking at them as the out group.
621
Now, you cannot have a good evening with two opposing forces looking at it in that manner.
622
And listen, instilling a new mindset is not easy.
623
This whole mindset of view it as a room full of friends can be difficult
624
when we don't have very many friends and connections
625
and we don't feel that people judge us properly or that we can make a good first impression.
626
And a TEDx speaker, Kelly McGonigal,
627
talks about how to effectively manipulate and change your mindsets.
628
And it's really a three-step process.
629
Number one is simply learning the new perspective, which is what we're doing now.
630
We're listening to this new idea, this new concept of view the room as it's a room full of friends instead of a room full of strangers.
631
So we learned a new perspective.
632
Now, we have to do it as an exercise.
633
Go out there after writing down this mindset, go out there and practice it pretending people are your friend already
634
Treating everyone like a friend instead of treating them like a stranger and the third thing you have to do
635
To make this mindset stick with all of her research is you have to share it with other people.
636
How great is that?
637
It's pretty awesome.
638
It's remarkable.
639
You learn it you practice it Then you share with other people and all of a sudden that new mindset sticks
640
how empowering is it when you walk into the room and feel that everyone is already your friend
641
well you're coming you're as you mentioned you're coming from a place of power
642
and most importantly though
643
when we hear something like this some of us could get rather excited I know
644
that in the beginning of my stages of really getting into self-development I would hear mindsets like
645
that and I would want to go out but then I then I get there then I get there
646
And I see all the overwhelming feelings start to hit because the mindset is everyone there is my friend.
647
Okay, well, then I should be able to talk to everybody in this room.
648
Well, now the expectations are just ridiculous
649
because now I have to run the room in order for me to feel that this mindset is now taking place.
650
It is a process.
651
we have we have to go out now with this mindset with obtainable goals
652
that allow us to slowly it to seep in it's not
653
going to be i listen to everyone out there i would love for these mindsets to be a light switch
654
and some can be but most not right
655
and this this is a tricky one
656
when we're coming from a place of scarcity where maybe we don't have very many friends we have some acquaintances.
657
We're trying to get things moving and burn off some of that social anxiety.
658
But as Kelly pointed out for us, if we learn it, write it down, practice it, and start sharing it with others,
659
it becomes a mindset that we can adopt more easily.
660
The eighth and final point in our article here is connecting in person.
661
And we get this question so often.
662
I had a you know, short conversation with someone.
663
What's the best way to follow up?
664
How can I connect?
665
I want, I want to lengthen this relationship.
666
We get questions about how do I get on Tinder and get her more connected.
667
Everyone is trying to rely on technology and places where technology do not foster actual connection.
668
Well, there's a reason.
669
So let's dig into that reason.
670
Why are we not connecting through technology?
671
Why are we connecting in person?
672
Because if I connect in person, then it might not go so well, and then I'm going to be hurt, and then I'm going to- There's risk.
673
There's risk.
674
And let's just go ahead and say it.
675
It's not going to happen through an app.
676
The connection is not going to happen through technology.
677
There's a phrase for it.
678
Catfishing came out of this.
679
It's so easy to create a fake persona online and hide behind it and manipulate other people, But when we're doing it in person, we are present, we are there.
680
That is compelling.
681
No compelling conversations are happening on WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger or in Tinder.
682
You have to meet in person in order for it to be compelling.
683
It almost sounds common sense, but how many of us revert to technology?
684
Because it's easier.
685
Oh, I can pause.
686
I can send a text with an emoji.
687
It's so much more difficult.
688
Everyone likes to think they've figured it out.
689
You haven't figured it out.
690
It's not going to happen.
691
And it's sorry.
692
It's just science.
693
It's going to happen in person.
694
And the funny thing is, have you ever had a conversation with somebody that you've never met before on Tinder, on Facebook?
695
And then you meet them in person and you're really excited because you guys have been talking for...
696
Sharing, vulnerable, you cover topics no one else knows.
697
And then it's just crickets.
698
And, you know, I'll go ahead and say I recently just had a date situation that went this way.
699
You got catfished?
700
No, I did not get catfished.
701
Okay.
702
But it was somebody who, for just the way that it just happened, we had been texting for a few months.
703
Texting, social media.
704
Yeah, you were saying you couldn't connect at the same time and place.
705
Yeah, but there's all the pictures online.
706
She knows what I look like.
707
I know what she looks like.
708
We've been chatting.
709
We've had great conversations.
710
There was even a couple live phone calls.
711
Real live phone calls?
712
You were using your phone?
713
Well, video conference calls or whatever.
714
I don't think I've ever seen you hold your phone up to your head.
715
So she was off one weekend.
716
I was off one weekend.
717
And she's like, hey, you know, I'm off.
718
I was looking for something to do.
719
How about if I come out and visit?
720
I'm like, all right.
721
Yeah.
722
And it wasn't like we were moving towards a romantic thing anyway.
723
It was just friends.
724
We were just talking.
725
We were just bullshitting.
726
But hey, she wants to come hang out.
727
That's rad.
728
I was off.
729
And we made some plans and she drove out.
730
And I remember I checked in.
731
Yeah, because I told you, I'm like, hey, I don't know if I'm going to be able to work this weekend.
732
I got this girl coming in and all this.
733
And you're like, all right.
734
And I was like, yeah, we'll see what happens.
735
And of course, I was excited.
736
And for whatever reason, the conversations were flat.
737
And she had the gall.
738
I know.
739
This was seriously offensive to Johnny.
740
She goes, why do you work out so much?
741
And I was like, and she's like, I could never do that.
742
And I was like, how are we even starting off this get-together weekend with a comment and a conversation like that?
743
Yeah, I think the question gives you an opportunity to explain a little bit more of your background,
744
but then the I could never do that has the judgment placed on it where it's like, I'm not sure I want to answer this question.
745
It was in that moment that I was like, I'm like, okay, so this is hour one and she's going to be here this Sunday.
746
But this is what's great about this.
747
And you were laughing, I was telling you.
748
I think it was about three hours later, she goes, so yeah, I might get a call and I might have to go back for work.
749
And I was like, she's looking for an exit.
750
This is great because I don't want to deal with her anymore either.
751
She's got my weekend back.
752
But you know, the funny, the weird thing about it is like how it, the whole thing was odd to me because we had such a decent relationship online.
753
We were talking, it was, we talked freely, we were sending pictures, you know, it's like, it was just, to me, the whole thing was just weird.
754
But what I couldn't get, it's like, first of all, how could you ask me, why do you work out so much?
755
And the other part about it, it's not like, you know, it's not like I am David Goggins.
756
It's not like I'm Joe Rogan.
757
I go to the gym for an hour and I'm out.
758
Well, also, there are less attractive things you can do than work out.
759
Yeah.
760
So a little perplexed by that.
761
Why do you care so much about your health?
762
I enjoy my time here.
763
I don't know.
764
And listen, that's probably a relatively new thing in the last five, six years where I've really put in a lot of emphasis on it.
765
Johnny, maybe opposites attract.
766
I think you should give her a second chance.
767
Yeah, that, that, that ship has sailed.
768
Well, going back to the point, connecting in person is so incredibly important.
769
It gives you an opportunity to non-verbally and verbally communicate and be fully present.
770
We know that technology does not foster that presence.
771
When you're sending that text, you got your Facebook tab open, you're clicking through your inbox, you're not present.
772
You're not really caring.
773
And emojis can only get you so far, even if you're an emoji ninja, they can only get you so far.
774
So connecting in person is where that compelling conversation happens.
775
Now we hit you with eight points around how to be more connected and compelling in conversation, but we want to add some perspective.
776
We got this great article that recently came out in the Atlantic, how to make friends according to science.
777
And I think the reason I liked this article so much is that it should take some of the pressure off.
778
And we started talking about this at the start of the show.
779
You know, everyone in their mind, when they hear compelling conversation, they have that Hollywood movie scene teed up where they met each other,
780
they had an amazing conversation right out of the gate, and then they instantly were attracted, instantly were connected.
781
Science shows it takes a number of hours to be a quote unquote real friend to someone.
782
It is not easy to move from the acquaintance into the friend, into the confidant category.
783
We're talking hours and hours and hours here.
784
But what science also says is don't give up on those acquaintances.
785
Those acquaintances are the first step to friendship.
786
So what I love about this article is we don't have to hit a home run in every conversation.
787
Build acquaintances, start getting more opportunities in the mix, and all of a sudden you're going to create a space for
788
that compelling conversation that can move the acquaintance to a friend.
789
Well, I think we've talked about this in many other episodes when you have a lot of options the pressure
790
Dissipates and you don't have to put it on that one situation
791
If you're if you're not somebody who goes out
792
and has a lot of acquaintances then the one time
793
that you do get to meet somebody and Especially if it's somebody
794
that you're romantically interested
795
and you have all the pressure to yes Make it work
796
to have this amazing conversation to hit the home run right out of the park and And unfortunately, that's just not realistic.
797
And here's the best part.
798
Interacting with people whom you have a weak tie with, a weak social tie, has a meaningful influence on your well-being, on your mental health.
799
So even if you don't have deep friends, you don't have a wolf pack, you don't have that deep connection yet, you're struggling with compelling conversations,
800
working on acquaintances can impact your well-being can give you
801
that positive emotional state and environment so
802
that you don't feel loneliness you don't feel depressed
803
so building acquaintances first is scientifically proven to help your mental
804
health well once again it goes against all the technology in a rapid hey i want this click this
805
and i got it where we have to allow nature to do its job.
806
And unfortunately, we can't just pay for it or click a button to allow that to happen.
807
Time needs to do time.
808
And here's the thing, reviving dormant social ties.
809
We just hit you with a bunch of knowledge over the last two weeks about compelling conversations.
810
Hit up those people that you fell out of touch with, that maybe you had a weak tie, you had a connection that was fleeting, reach back out to them.
811
Reviving those dormant social ties can be especially rewarding.
812
Reconnecting with friends, as the author says here, can quickly recapture much of the trust they previously built
813
while offering each other that dash of novelty so
814
that all of a sudden you caught up with each other
815
and now you can practice some of these compelling conversation skills you learned over the last two weeks.
816
Reaching out to people, developing acquaintances everywhere you go gives you more opportunity to build those deeper relationships
817
and ultimately i know it's easy on social media to see
818
other people with all of these friends all of these oh god close friends in their community science shows
819
that realistically we can only maintain five close friends i know
820
the tv shows like to make you believe you need 30 40 friends to be a well-rounded human,
821
you focus on getting some acquaintances and moving them through to real friends,
822
and you focus on making sure that you're present for the people that you care the most about.
823
That's a winning combination.
824
You know, I was just doing a Facebook live for, I think it was on the challenge, actually, which you alluded to earlier.
825
We'll drop the link. And
826
I was surprised how many young people get so wrapped up in
827
that number that you had just mentioned
828
because you know it is it it seems to be moving
829
uh well at least it moves things in social media
830
but that's just but that's virtually that's a virtual reality that's not real life and
831
someone was mentioning about you know how long did it take me to build a social circle
832
that i felt good about
833
and it's like well social circles are fluid there's going to be people in
834
and out of your life and and your top eight yeah especially
835
if you're growing you're moving you got things going on people get married people's careers take off life happens
836
and that's fun you have to allow for that to happen for yourself
837
and everyone else but the main thing is what i told that person
838
was don't think about how long it's going to take let's
839
just focus on one you get one good person in your life
840
that everything else falls in the place and that's all it takes
841
and once you have one good friend
842
that you can do a lot of things with
843
and grow with i mean the rest is easy and All of those friendships started as acquaintances.
844
Yes.
845
Remember that.
846
You don't need to beat yourself up if all you have right now is some surface weak social ties.
847
Those are still the seedlings that create those lasting bonds and friendship.
848
And here's the thing.
849
If you're struggling even with that, getting just some acquaintances, start with some self-disclosure.
850
The article wraps up with self-disclosure makes us more likable.
851
And as a bonus, we're more inclined to like those who we've buried, who we've bared our soul to.
852
So not only does it give you a little boost of confidence and creates a window of opportunity for that compelling conversation,
853
self-disclosure also naturally makes you like the people you disclose to more.
854
So if you're finding yourself in a negative rut where you're judgmental, you're being a jerk to people, you're writing people off, start by self-disclosing a little bit,
855
being a little more vulnerable, scientifically, you'll be more open to that connection.
856
Love that.
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المفردات وملاحظات التحدث لهذا الدرس
هذا الدرس في المحادثة بمستوى B2 مبني على الفيديو “The Art of Charm Podcast 716 - 8 Tips for Compelling Conversation”. يحتوي هذا الفيديو على 856 جملة و10444 كلمة للتدرب على الترديد. مدة الكلام 58:25. يتكلم المتحدث بسرعة طبيعية، نحو 179 كلمة في الدقيقة، قريبة من المحادثة اليومية. 87% من الكلمات ضمن أكثر 3,000 كلمة شيوعًا في الإنجليزية، فالمفردات سهلة المتابعة.
أهم المفردات في هذا الفيديو
أصعب 15 كلمة في الفيديو، مع النطق والمعنى:
| الكلمة | النطق | المعنى |
|---|---|---|
| compel فعل | /kəmˈpɛl/ | أَكْرَهَ, أَجْبَرَ |
| acquaintance اسم | /ʌˈkweɪn.təns/ | مَعْرِفَة |
| marathon اسم | /ˈmæɹəθən/ | مَارَاثُون |
| paraphrase فعل | /ˈpæɹəfɹeɪz/ | سَرَدَ |
| showcase اسم | /ˈʃoʊˌkeɪs/ | واجِهَة, فَاتْرِينَة |
| perception اسم | /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/ | اِدْرََاك حَسِّيّ |
| uncomfortable صفة | /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ | غَيْر مُرِيح |
| attentive صفة | /əˈtɛntɪv/ | مُنْتَبِه |
| spotlight اسم | /ˈspɒtˌlaɪt/ | أَضْوَاء |
| verbal صفة | /ˈvɜː.bəl/ | كَلَامِيّ, لَفْظِيّ |
| appreciation اسم | /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/ | تَقْدِير |
| circular صفة | /ˈsɜɹ.kjə.ləɹ/ | دَائِرِيّ |
| consciousness اسم | /ˈkɑnʃəsnəs/ | وَعْي, شُعُور |
| podcast اسم | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | بُودْكَاسْت m پُودْكَاسْت, بَثّ صَوْتِيّ |
| lens اسم | /lɛnz/ | عَدَسَة |
الأفعال المركبة التي ستسمعها
| الكلمة | النطق | المعنى |
|---|---|---|
| go out فعل | خَرَجَ | |
| come out فعل | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | خَرَجَ, غَادَرَ |
| drive out فعل | طَرَدَ | |
| get up فعل | قَامَ, نَهَضَ |
جمل تستحق التكرار
جمل قصيرة وكاملة من الفيديو يمكنك استخدامها في الحديث اليومي:
- How is that going to help me what's going on in here?
- What do you need to fix about yourself?
- However, how much stronger are you?
- Why did I get involved?
- Why are we not connecting through technology?
القواعد في هذا الفيديو
أكثر التراكيب التي يستخدمها المتحدث، مع العبارات نفسها من الفيديو:
| التركيب | في الفيديو |
|---|---|
| المضارع التام المستمر have/has been + -ing — حدث بدأ سابقًا وما زال مستمرًا | we've been talking · you've been listening · I've been saying |
| المضارع التام have/has + اسم المفعول — حدث ماضٍ ما زال له أثر الآن | you've worked · haven't seen · have joined |
| المبني للمجهول be + اسم المفعول — التركيز على ما يحدث لا على من يفعله | been created · was not based · being said |
| جمل الوصل who / which + جملة — معلومة إضافية عن شخص أو شيء | that, which is · anyone who wants · everyone who is |
نطق يحتاج إلى انتباه
يستخدم المتحدث 301 من الصيغ المختصرة، مثل you're, I'm, don't. انطقها بصيغتها القصيرة كما تسمعها.
- أصوات “th”: marathon /ˈmæɹəθən/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, ethics /ˈɛθ.ɪks/
- أصوات “sh” و“zh”: showcase /ˈʃoʊˌkeɪs/, perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, disclosure /dɪsˈkləʊʒə(ɹ)/, socially /ˈsoʊʃəli/, appreciation /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/
- الكلمات الطويلة — انتبه لموضع النبر: uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, appreciation /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/, actuality /ˌækt͡ʃuˈælɪti/, appreciative /əˈpɹi.ʃətɪv/, scientifically /ˌsaɪ.ənˈtɪfɪkli/
أصوات يجدها متحدثو العربية صعبة:
- /p/ — ليس /b/: انطقه مع نفخة هواء: compel /kəmˈpɛl/, paraphrase /ˈpæɹəfɹeɪz/, perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, improv /ˈɪmpɹɑv/, spotlight /ˈspɒtˌlaɪt/
- /v/ — ليس /f/: مع اهتزاز الأوتار الصوتية: attentive /əˈtɛntɪv/, improv /ˈɪmpɹɑv/, verbal /ˈvɜː.bəl/, appreciative /əˈpɹi.ʃətɪv/, bloviate /ˈbloʊ.viˌeɪt/
- تتابع الصوامت — لا تضف حركة بينها: acquaintance /ʌˈkweɪn.təns/, mindset /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/, disclosure /dɪsˈkləʊʒə(ɹ)/, charm /t͡ʃɑɹm/, improv /ˈɪmpɹɑv/
كيف تتدرب بهذا الفيديو
- استمع إلى الفيديو كاملًا مرة واحدة دون أن تتكلم، ودوّن الكلمات التي لا تعرفها.
- ابدأ بسرعة 0.75×، وردّد جملة جملة، ثم عُد إلى السرعة العادية عندما يصبح الأمر سهلًا.
- سجّل صوتك وقارنه بالأصل، مع الانتباه إلى كلمات مثل compel, acquaintance, marathon.
ما هي تقنية التظليل الصوتي؟
التظليل الصوتي (Shadowing) تقنية تعلم لغة مدعومة علمياً، طُورت أصلاً لتدريب المترجمين الفوريين المحترفين. الطريقة بسيطة لكنها قوية: تستمع لصوت إنجليزي أصلي وتكرره فوراً بصوت عالٍ — كظل يتبع المتحدث بتأخير 1-2 ثانية. تُظهر الأبحاث تحسناً كبيراً في دقة النطق والتنغيم والإيقاع وربط الأصوات والاستماع والطلاقة.