Shadowing-Übung: How to Cope as a Useless Lonely Rat // EP 108 - Englisch Sprechen Lernen mit Video
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Right, hello everybody.
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Hello, hello, hello.
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Is this thing on?
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Is this thing on?
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Testing, testing.
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Greetings, loved ones.
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It's me.
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This week we have a bit of a show and tell episode and I'm really excited to get into this.
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Okay, so let's just jump straight in.
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Fuck, I can't wait.
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I can't wait.
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You'll notice that the title of this episode, since I already know what I'm going to title it because I came up with it as the genius that I am, is how to cope as a useless, lonely rat.
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Well, I would consider myself significantly useless and lonely and rat-like.
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So the rat thing, by the way, is not an insult.
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Like, I love rodents.
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If you guys don't know this about me, I fucking love rodents.
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I've had over the span of my life,
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at least like 25 rodents in my love care like I've had well are rabbits rodents yes are rats rodents
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or vermin google are rats rodents or vermin are rats rodents
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or vermin rats are both oh fuck tough cut I mean
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rough luck rats are both rats describes their biological classification of mammals with continuously growing incisors ew
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while vermin is a functional label for nuisance animals that damage property or spread disease
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so they're not vermin to me fine
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so I'm never using the word vermin again unless it's potentially for myself kind of like
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that actually vermin anyway rats aren't vermin that's just nasty
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that is just unfair although to be fair yeah I do get it
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if I was like a restaurant owner I might use
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that term for them for me it's a pleasure to see
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a rat do I want it to touch me especially in New York?
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No, but I like looking.
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Anyway, I've had so many rodents.
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Are rabbits, rabbits, rodents or vermin?
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Oh, they belong to a separate mammalian order called Lagomartha.
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Okay, never heard that.
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Which includes hares and pikas.
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Oh, Pikachu.
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While they chew and gnaw like rodents, they have distinct physical and bio...
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Okay, why aren't they rodents?
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Teeth.
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They have two teeth.
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rabbits have four teeth okay diets they're herbivores
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so what do rats eat that's gross i don't want to
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know scientists named them scientists grouped them with rodents until 1912
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okay so until 1912 they were rodents i don't really care
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so anyway moving swiftly on maybe i've had like 10 to 15 rodents in my care
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and some lagomorpha on the side up to 10 lagomorpha
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me and my mum make each other really a lot worse we both have some kind of sick
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and twisted addiction to small animals but
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and our house did stink growing up before you ask it reeked
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and so did my room at uni
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because i did have a mouse illegally in there the whole time
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and he fucking kicked i loved him his name was lion rest in peace he was
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so cool anyway you guys never really got to know him
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but he was awesome anyway so why was i mentioning any of
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that i have no real idea but oh oh
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because I'm a useless rat so I and by the way
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when I say I'm a useless rat see why do I
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feel the need to use rat derogatorily I feel bad like guys please they're my friends okay
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so I'm useless
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and rat like complimentary it's just like I felt like I
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needed to throw in a compliment at the end of the sentence redeeming feature
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if you will so useless I have ADHD
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but I'm also useless they are distinct I feel
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because I kind of know
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when it's like me versus like oh this is maybe I'm being harsh on myself
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but like I can be medicated and still be useless
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and that's how I know like come on bitch like I
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can I can lock in for 15 I'm not kidding on
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Saturday last weekend I locked in for I think eight
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or nine hours consecutively like mind you I ate dinner didn't stop what I was doing
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on rummy cup which I'm gonna talk
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or rummy cube cube I rummy cube rummy cub rummy cube I don't know I'm gonna talk about
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that later genuinely but when I say I'm useless I do mean it like quite seriously
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and today I was having one of those days where it's like I have things to do
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and I do not want to fucking do them
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but it's also like I just can't like there's something in me
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that is so like I can't start that I can't do anything
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and so I first of all I woke up late today
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because my sleep schedule has never been worse like I am genuinely losing my fucking mind
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but I've just been letting it slide because I'm going to LA tomorrow
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and so it's like it's gonna get fucked up anyway
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when I get back oh I'm locking in I don't know what I'm gonna do to fix it
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but like it's anyway no one cares
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so useless rat like I said I was having one of
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those days this morning the other day I went to Staples
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oh wait do you guys like the new set sorry I didn't even address the fact
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that we're in a whole new location i hope you guys
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are feeling comfy i'm trying i'm trying out the kitchen table i don't think it's good right now
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because the light is coming through just one it's not hitting my face right
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and i didn't put up a studio lights a whole thing
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let me know by the way this table just a little bit off topic
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but because i i just like to lead by example this table i bought
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and it took like i loved it when i bought it
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but it wasn't cheap okay this table's beautiful and expensive like it's both
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and so I'm not even gonna pretend like I got a fucking good deal on it I did not
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and I bought it
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because I had seen I had seen it online I'd been
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shopping for a table then I went to this lovely establishment
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and saw and like an identical one
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and I was like I said to the girls I was with this do you guys fuck with
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that table they were like yeah it's beautiful I was like cool bought it
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because I was on the fence in the four weeks it
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took to be delivered I was like I've made the biggest
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mistake like it's not gonna fit nicely in the space I don't even know
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if I want a table fucking I have this counter
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and a stool
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which is plenty I'm being greedy I was like it's the
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wrong aesthetic it's ugly it's awful I was even thinking how am I gonna get rid of it it arrived
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and I had been out
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that evening drinking I got home drunk my assistant had handed delivery
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and so it was just in my house when I got back my apartment
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my flat if you will and I was like oh my like it's worse than I thought
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fucked around with it while I was drunk
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and then I was like I'm just gonna give up
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and go to bed and look at this
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when I have fresh eyes woke up with fresh eyes
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and I was like it's awful like it doesn't look good
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cleaned my apartment messed around with the table put in a new spot pulled up a chair
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and I was like oh my god it's beautiful why did
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I ever think it wasn't took a picture put it on
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my Instagram story asked for the opinions of the good people on Instagram
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and when I tell you I've never not seen at least one person.
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Like, there wasn't one person that I saw who wasn't fucking with the table.
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Everyone fucked with the table.
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They were everyone.
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It was insane.
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The most insane experience ever.
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I was like, oh my God, I'm a genuinely, I'm a genius.
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Anyway, this table was really expensive.
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And one day it will feed my children.
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It will feed my children, I think.
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Because it's gorge.
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I love this fucking table.
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I love it.
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Anyway.
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oh do you guys like my new cup flexing brewing a little cup of rooibos tea
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because i've recently learned that's decaffeinated
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which i need to decrease my intake of caffeine it is going to kill me
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so also got this lovely lamp
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so anyway like i said i'm useless anyway i'm gonna restart the useless well kind of anyway so
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so the other day i went to staples now let's talk
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about notebooks for just a sec this is my journal okay
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and i go through these probably one every two to three months
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and I always buy the same one it's I can't remember the fucking size it's like the medium
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or the one that's less than medium from moleskin but it's not the smallest one I'm obsessed with them
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they are perfect to me always hardback always this size almost always this color
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and I mostly just stick to this now because I've done already
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so many of these ones that I'm like it looks
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so nice when I put them all together
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and see how many of the same thing that I've used I don't know anyway
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went to staples got this this is maybe like 20 something dollars i don't actually know
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but something like that i always forget even though i've bought
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so fucking many of them this one i think three dollars from staples now
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if you'll just observe the closeness in the blues if
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that is not be you may be able to argue with me on it
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but i if you want to just don't think about
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that how about don't i think they pretty much match the
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way a notebook looks whilst it's laid about in my apartment is very important to whether
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or not I am going to make use of it.
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If it looks ugly on my counter, it's never going to be open.
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Like that's as simple as it is.
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When it comes to like work and life, I write so many things down on sticky notes, on scrap paper, on whatever I can find.
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To-do lists, everything.
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And I love a to-do list and I love a physically written out to-do list.
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Otherwise it doesn't satisfy me when things get checked off, which then therefore there's no point doing anything or being alive.
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So I was like, what if I got a notebook, a small one, and it was for my to-do lists and
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that way I have an archive at the end of it
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of all of my to-do lists to join the accumulation of useless personal data that I gather relentlessly.
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How fun.
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Things like that motivate me to actually have to-do lists
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and also to check them off
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because this will not be a pleasing thing to keep
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if all of my to-do lists are incomplete
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so they all need to have a line through them ideally at some point
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and then I have these on the inside these little oh
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let me cover this stuff up then on the inside I
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have these little green tabs that's going to be used as a bookmark for
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when I get a bit thicker into the book so
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that I can still find where I am on what page otherwise it would get real confusing.
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So anyway that's my new little system that I'm very excited about
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and how pretty and how cute is this and it can fit in my bag if I want to.
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So that's how I've been dealing with being slightly less useless now.
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I've actually come up with a series of relatively decent systems that have made me ever so slightly less useless lately.
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Now I want to emphasize to you The extent of my uselessness is truly inspirational, I fear.
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Like, it is insane how little it takes to overwhelm me to the point of full body fucking paralysis.
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Like, and I have the utmost awareness that I have absolutely nothing to complain about in this department.
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I have one of, like, the best jobs, arguably, in the world, I think.
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Now, obviously, that depends on what you enjoy doing.
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Therefore, it's going to affect your happiness rate.
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Like there's people who this would be the worst job ever for.
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But in regards to how much free time I get, where I get to work from and how much I get paid for doing what I do, I would argue probably best job ever.
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Right.
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So the fact that I still am like, I don't want to do it is like, OK, you know, that one tweet where someone's like, damn, you bitches really can't do anything.
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And it's in response to someone tweeting about ADHD.
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That couldn't be more about me.
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I'm bitches.
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I really am.
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And I have no patience for it anymore.
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And so I have been slowly trying to implement little tiny routines in my day that help me not be useless.
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now this morning I woke up useless some days I wake up not useless
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and it's magical
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and I do everything other days I just wake up completely fucking useless today was one of those days namely
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because I slept through all my alarms
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because I slept with earplugs in last night
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because they were drilling into like the fucking sewers outside my bedroom window
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so I couldn't even hear my alarm this morning I woke up at like 11 a.m insane anyway
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and I was just I overslept I was feeling useless
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and I was like the fucking day's already gone
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and I I can't do anything I just couldn't get my
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brain to work could not get my brain to fucking work
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and then I was like I feel gross like I feel disgusting
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that I'm not doing anything I've spoken about this before how
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when you have ADHD or we're not anyone
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and you have things to do
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and you're fucking procrastinating you're just not doing what you should be doing
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that is stressful that time off the time of doing nothing that's not the same as relaxing
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that is worse than doing the thing you need to be doing
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and yet you still end up in that state and
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that issue has plagued me my whole life I think
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or at least since I was maybe like 13
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so I'm gonna show I'm gonna show you something vulnerable okay please don't laugh thank you I became aware
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that the idea of having big structure in my life is something that I personally cannot implement immediately, right?
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Like I can't implement a super strict routine nine to five.
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I don't have a nine to five job.
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I work from home most days.
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So I became aware that my mornings are really important to how the rest of my day goes.
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I don't think that I am alone in that, right?
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And I like to assume that I am not completely useless.
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But that assumption is actually incorrect and incomplete.
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I am more useless than I give myself credit for, as in I give myself too much credit sometimes what I mean by
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that is I can accomplish big things
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but I think I never what I'm saying is I didn't
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notice how the smallest parts of my day can fuck up the bigger parts of my day does
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that make sense so one thing I noticed is that I don't have a morning routine.
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Never have had a morning routine.
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I just know the things I need to get done in the morning and do them somehow.
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Like I just, they just, obviously they get done.
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I don't really forget to do things, but like I don't have a morning routine.
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And I was like, what if I had a morning routine
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that was step by step the things I need to do and I always do them in that order, would that help?
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So I made the dumbest morning routine ever and it changed my life
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and it's bent right now because my shower steam
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but I pinned this above my bathroom mirror I pin this
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to my bathroom mirror like stuck it to the mirror I'm
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gonna put in a picture of what this routine is
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and you guys please don't laugh at me I'm gonna read it to you also okay
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so morning wake up that's the first thing on the routine perfect assuming that that is complete I then pee.
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I'm not kidding.
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This is the shit I have to actively write down for myself.
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Pee, brush teeth, and then shower.
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You'll notice shower is off to the side.
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That's because I don't shower every morning because I kind of sometimes shower in the morning and at night.
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Other times, if I've showered at night, I don't always shower in the morning.
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And then I just kind of like feel it out.
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Like, I don't always jump in the shower first thing in the morning.
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Sue me.
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Whether or not I've showered, I then rinse my face.
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I've stopped washing my face in the morning because my dermatologist told me to stop and my skin has got better.
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Rinse face, then put my contacts in.
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Serum, moisturiser, sunscreen.
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Then I go into the kitchen.
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I pour water into a cup.
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Take my meds.
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Kettle on, which I fill before I go to bed most nights.
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Make my tea.
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I didn't write that down.
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I just know it.
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Prepare breakfast.
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Eat.
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and then I have phone access allowed after this point.
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I abide by that occasionally.
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And then off to the side, I have Shakti mat.
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Something I'm trying to add into my morning routines more often
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is to lay on my Shakti mat for 15 minutes in the morning.
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I haven't really been doing this because I haven't been feeling like I need to.
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I'm also do it in the evenings to help me chill the fuck out or in the middle of the day.
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It resets me.
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Yeah.
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So obviously that is the most basic morning routine ever.
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But when you stand in the mirror for the first five minutes of being awake that day,
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and there is someone, some other version of you that was more capable than you are in the morning, immediately after waking up, who is telling you,
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go pee and then rinse your face and then put your contacts in.
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Otherwise, you're going to get water in your contacts.
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These are the things that change your life, people.
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I'm not kidding.
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Like, and it's so soothing because you have to parent yourself as you grow up, right?
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Like you have to do the things that your mom told you to do.
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And that was a horrible and harrowing realization.
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It's like, even if it sounds like, oh my God, that's the dumbest morning routine ever.
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I can't believe you need that.
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Fair, completely fair assessment of that.
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I do need that.
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That is actually the level at which I function.
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I need handholding.
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the good part about that is is I'm capable of holding my own hand it's just
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that various different versions of me hold my own hand for
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different versions does this make sense does this make sense anyway
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that really helped
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that little bit of structure now I know what I'm doing
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for the first 25 minutes of my day fuck knows what comes after that
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but at least the first bit of my morning is not
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filled with like trying to make a decision the other things I've been doing
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if this is of interest to anyone is timers on my
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phone go in the clock app onto the timer thing
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when there is something I really don't want to fucking do
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and I've been struggling to get it done 10 minutes you just have to sit down
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and do it for 10 minutes
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when the timer goes off you can stop usually by the
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end of those 10 minutes I'm good to keep going
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and I'll set a timer for 30 minutes
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and I'll do it until those 30 minutes are up maybe then I'll keep going
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but like to set a timer for 10 minutes surely you
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can do it for 10 fucking minutes the other thing i've
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been saying to myself lately is can you not handle discomfort like looking at myself harshly
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and being like oh you don't want to do it i
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understand can you not handle the discomfort of doing it the way
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that gets me off my fucking ass because it no key it is
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that simple now to address the underlying issue of like why
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do i constantly feel like i'm not capable of doing the
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things i need to do is a whole separate conversation
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but for the time being until i can figure that out and until i can
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fix whatever the fuck needs fixing in
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that realm the question of can you really not handle the discomfort of even trying even
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if you fail even if you sit at that project
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and stare at it for 10 minutes and then the timer goes off
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and you go back to the couch like fuck just do it for 10 minutes try
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and like that is something i've been holding myself to lately
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and it's really been helping the other thing
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that i have to tell you guys about is the loneliness aspect of being a useless lonely rat
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so i'm so lonely guys i'm
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so lonely now i love to be alone we all know this about me pretty lonesome and whatnot
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but for the first time in a long time i'm really
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lonely there is no one around me like i haven't really made friends in new york yet
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which i'm okay with that but it is lonely like especially
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because the weather's been nice lately
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and like i haven't had Mai is in Tokyo by the way she is in Tokyo
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and so I have no one to hang out with
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because she was in fact my only friend here
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and like I go out once a week and see people
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but they're not like my friends if
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that makes any sense I go to a mysterious thing every
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Tuesday I don't want to talk about it I go to a secret club
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so I get some human interaction and I do I leave the house I do I go on walks, I leave the house, I have things, I do things, okay?
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I do stuff, but like, I don't really have like friends.
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And that's okay because my meter for like how much interaction with friends that I need is like relatively low.
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Like, I love being around people, but I can deal with a lot of alone time.
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But this is the first time since June of last year that I have stayed still for this long.
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Not kidding.
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I there wasn't a time when I went at least four weeks without catching a flight
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or going away from wherever I was living since June of last year.
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And that exhausted me like that is a lot.
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And I didn't really notice it until I did.
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And then I really noticed it.
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And I was like, I need to stay still.
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So I planned my summer intentionally to stay still.
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I reduced like anything
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that I could avoid doing in order to let me stay
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in New York for July through to the end of August
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and a lot of June as well I did like I intentionally did
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because I was like I need to feel like a human being
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and I need to have some routine and some familiarity and I need to like establish myself here
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but nice as that is I also hadn't been capable of like bed rotting
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or like rotting in general or isolating myself in a really long time
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because it literally wasn't an option because I was always on the move
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and so this is the first time I've been still for long enough to fall back into
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that habit of like spending a whole day doing fuck all
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and not seeing anyone and then it gets to bedtime
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and you're like i feel disgusting like i feel gross this is the this week
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and like a bit of last week is the first time
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that that has re-entered my life
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and i hate it i hate it i hate it it's lonely
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and so i want to now tell you if you're like me
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and you either live alone or maybe you don't live with people
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that you really with and you just feel lonely like you're all by yourself and you don't love it.
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I have, I have something for you.
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Okay, so you know what?
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I am really starting to feel like my mother.
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My mum plays solitaire every night.
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Since I think I, before I was born, she has played solitaire on her fucking phone every night.
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And like, if you talk to her during her solitaire, she gets very upset with you because she has to focus.
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I don't, to this day, I don't really understand what solitaire is, but I found my own version of whatever she finds in
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solitaire I have located in my own life now this is my iPad yes
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and this is rummy cup
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or rummy cube I don't know how to pronounce it can you see this
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so basically if you I'm not gonna like explain the whole game it's boring
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but you you go on play now and you get a bunch of tiles
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and you have to get rid of all of your tiles
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and there's like three other people in the game
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and they'll put down their tiles and you can like rearrange their tiles but obviously there's certain rules about
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what numbers can go with what numbers fuck now i'm fully in the game now i'm in the fucking game
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and i have incredible cards
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and i'm oh my god i have great cards guys i'm
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gonna play rammy cube whilst we talk okay 10 11 12 see i've dropped into the game with 10
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and 11 and 12 13 they gave me two jokers guys this never happens sorry pardon me
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but this is like an insane drop anyway the reason i've been finding this game
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so enticing is because not only am i extremely addicted to it
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but fuck I can't even go on this route you know
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what sorry guys I'm gonna leave the game I'm gonna focus sorry I love
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that game you can't talk to the other players like there's no like chat
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that you can like write into but it gives you like five
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or something options of like pre-made things that you can say
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which is like please make a move good game you can say wow you can say good luck
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you say best game of my life anyway
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when you join a game a lot of the time people will say good luck
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and then you say thank you and then you can say there's one
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that says thank you and then you can say good luck
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and then there's like emotes that you can do and it's
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so fun the sounds they make it so funny it's like
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or like like guys it makes me laugh
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because sometimes I'll fuck up a move and all my tiles will go back
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and then you can make the noise that's like or
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if someone else fucks up their move
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and you know exactly what they did wrong
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and like all their tiles go back you can go
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and laugh guys i play this you know what let me
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tell you how many hours i've played you can see so
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if you go to your profile you can see games played
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and 13 games played mind you i've only been not at
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this for like two weeks games 155 that's actually not bad like that's not that bad
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score is minus 972 total time played 24 34 39 39 hours
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and 23 minutes i think is that's really bad but
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so every night i come home from well i don't i usually am already home
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but last night i came home but i'll tell you why
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and i played this for fucking hours i have to tear myself away from this game
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and go to bed on time where was i last night
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because i casually dropped in
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that i was out last like came over to play rummy
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cube rummy cub whatever the fuck oh well i was just
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at therapy i finally found one i found one now do
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i have any idea what her qualifications are no did she
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lead me into a basement for the session yes she did
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but is she an available therapist in my local area who
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is willing to treat me yes she is yes she is yes she is
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and i love her for that i found it
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so hard to find a therapist with times
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that worked with willing to be flexible with online versus in
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person who also didn't sound completely fucking insane in their bio
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i must have reached out to her for a reason
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so she must have i genuinely don't know but
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but i love her i love her big breath of relief for everyone
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that i'm back in therapy big breath of relief for me but this is
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this is my first time going to therapy as like a
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real grown-up yeah that's generous a real adult like the last
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time I was in therapy I think I was like 22
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and like every time in my life before
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because I've been in therapy they chucked me into my first therapy session
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when I was about roughly four years old like I've been doing this
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and for my whole childhood I hated it
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because I was too shy to tell them anything
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and I thought they were all stupid and annoying
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and I think I might have and write in
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that judgment to be completely honest with you I just always felt like it was
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so patronizing maybe that was me projecting because I felt stupid
454
but I always as a kid I had this big issue
455
and I still have this big issue which I'm relearning recently about being
456
singled out or the odd one out like I always was like had this conviction that I was
457
stupider than everyone else and had needs that everyone else didn't have
458
and I think that's genuinely because I was always in therapy
459
and like it was like the secretive thing I would get pulled out of class to go see the counselor
460
or like I would have to go somewhere after school
461
and like I was aware no one else was fucking going to this place after school
462
and like it was just so such a humiliation ritual for my entire fucking childhood anyway
463
so I never loved therapy I grew up
464
and I found a therapist I loved
465
when I was like 21 22 I didn't see him for that long so I couldn't afford but he was the best.
466
And I no longer think of therapy as like something
467
that I'm embarrassed to do by any means my relationship to it has changed a lot
468
but before when I was in therapy all
469
that time it was always to do with my phobia
470
and my anxiety and my panic attack
471
so I always went in like I have this problem
472
that is so embedded in me and I need to get rid of it
473
because it's ruining my life it was never
474
so much like I have a host of life circumstances that I need to work through or like
475
there's just things actively going on around me
476
that I don't know what to do with or have the tools to deal with.
477
Like it's never been like life therapy.
478
It's always been this one focused point that I need them to help me with.
479
And this is the first time where I've gone to a therapist and just been like, I don't have a specific thing to talk to you about.
480
I have like five things that I need to talk to someone about like
481
because I don't know what to do with them help me please
482
and it was also my first experience going to therapy where
483
I talk about myself rather than talk about just one part of myself
484
and so yesterday was my first session and I walked to the session
485
because it felt right I actually borderline jogged to the session oh my god
486
so embarrassing I discovered
487
that Gracie Abrams had released a like studio version like a track of Death Wish
488
which I've long since loved that song
489
but it was only like the live version that was out
490
or something like that and I didn't know
491
that it was on the new album
492
because I've just been behind lately on my pop culture forgive
493
me I discovered it like five minutes before the session
494
and I was like well five minutes I discovered
495
that she had done that like five minutes before I had to go
496
so I put it on repeat put my airpods in
497
and I strode to therapy but then
498
when I got there my airpods betrayed me oh my god
499
because I I pulled them out she met me in the lobby
500
and I like pulled my airpods out to greet her
501
and they've never done this before where it just immediately starts
502
then to play out loud on my phone like that's like a mechanism against
503
that I swear it started to play out loud on my phone
504
so within the first five seconds of meeting my new therapist
505
death wish by Gracie Abrams just starts blaring out the speakers of my phone that was so fucking humiliating
506
fuck you Gracie Abrams just kidding but like oh I was oh sorry sorry
507
so sorry sorry and then she's like how are you I was good good good good I'm
508
so good I'm great anyway that was really embarrassing
509
so then we sit down and we talk we get talking
510
and it felt so fucking weird to just be telling someone all my shit
511
and I didn't realize
512
that I have a script I have a script about my
513
life a lot of people ask me about my life right
514
as as do they ask everyone about like what do you do for work
515
when did you move to the city where do you live
516
what what do you I don't like general questions right
517
and I have such a script because they're the commonly asked questions of life
518
and I also guess there's an added layer for me of just like guarding certain pieces of information
519
when speaking to new people if I don't want them to immediately know what I do for work.
520
I hate when people know what I do for work
521
because then they can go and watch what I do for work if they were sinister enough to want to.
522
Which I don't think is fair.
523
Unless you have an equal amount of internet archive of yourself that I can indulge in,
524
there's no good reason why this person I just met should get to go home
525
and watch up to a thousand hours of me talking shit online
526
and form the most absurd perception i'm not saying people do this
527
but people do this guys that
528
when i find out one of my friends watches this podcast what the fuck are you doing if and
529
if you're here right now get off get off get away
530
like it's not fair unless i get unless you're gonna send
531
me an hour of you talking to yourself something about this
532
doesn't feel fair it doesn't feel fair it really doesn't and
533
and don't you dare ask me questions about it don't like
534
it's private it's secret you're watching it's secret it's not for
535
you it's literally not for you I don't know how else to explain it anyway
536
so I don't like people knowing what I do especially
537
if it's like a new person that I'm gonna see a lot
538
which I have been dealing with a lot of that recently
539
because of these mysterious meetings that I've been going to so I like have kind of I guess just developed
540
a way of talking about myself that is
541
so vague you think what do you do for work marketing
542
i do social media what for who brands i work for
543
brands that's how i make my money as i work for
544
brands on with their social medias what do you do for work shut up like there's ways there are ways
545
and i have discovered them to never allow someone to figure out that i
546
have a fucking podcast like my god now it's not always
547
that important to me that people don't know I really don't actually hear
548
that much at the end of the day
549
but it's not something I try
550
and drop into the first fucking conversation it's really not unless I want to
551
but sometimes I just don't sometimes I just want to not
552
be a freak a fucking spectacle okay sometimes I meet a group of new people
553
and I just don't want to be a bitch with a fucking podcast in a TikTok account
554
please like i i just want to be like yes i
555
don't i don't know what it is like i hate it
556
it's not a shame thing it's more just like let me not be
557
that for a second not that i hate being
558
that it's just like do you know what i mean could you relate me anyways
559
so yeah and i realized oh my god i i'm
560
so firm on my scripting with myself
561
that i didn't even know i really had this much that i was having to break script.
562
It was like the weirdest thing ever.
563
So she'd be like, and what do you do for work?
564
And I'd be like, social media.
565
And she'd be like, what does that mean?
566
I was like, oh my God.
567
Yeah, no. So like, this is what I do.
568
Like, it's like I have a podcast, I have TikTok, I have agents, I have lawyers.
569
It's really scary.
570
I'm so scared all the time.
571
Like I, yeah, like so many people watching me inside of my head that I can't even think private thoughts anymore.
572
And she was like, oh, okay.
573
So what do you nothing nothing I'm unemployed so loved it
574
because sometimes I'm a fucking idiot you guys make me laugh
575
when you're like I just see myself referred to a lot
576
by people as for lack of bear wedding emotionally intelligent
577
or like articulate on how I feel and think
578
and those things are very important to me
579
and I don't disagree all the time but why could this therapist
580
so I walked her through one of the things I've been tackling lately
581
and we talked about it for maybe like half an hour
582
and she was like it feels like there's there's a layer of like frustration in this for you
583
that you haven't mentioned but like
584
because I had just talked about this thing very logistically like
585
very factually like what's the solution what happened what's everyone's intentions
586
or where everyone's into you know like what's physically going on
587
and she was like you know it sounds like there's also like a level of frustration
588
because maybe it feels like this is happening you know
589
and I was like spot on yeah I never realized
590
that like I knew I was annoyed but when she
591
when she put it so gently she's like sounds like you're frustrated as well
592
because of maybe this and I was like oh genius it's
593
so helpful I love therapy super good super good it why is it getting
594
so dark it's getting super dark in here damn I've been
595
yapping for like 43 minutes already okay you know what i'm i'm just gonna walk you through something real quick
596
because i want to okay show
597
and tell i just want to show you i want to
598
show you all my stuff okay guys guys guys guys guys
599
guys guys guys guys guys you know hold on okay okay
600
this i'm gonna walk you through my journaling ecosystem do you care don't care don't care don't care
601
if you don't i'm gonna do it so guess what you know
602
that trend that's been going around where it's like five things
603
that are are really worth your money they're great okay
604
and i tried last week to give my five things
605
that are worth the money do i feel passionately
606
that any of them are worth the money no not really like genuinely no
607
and i'll tell you what is worth the fucking money good
608
kitchen roll okay the fancy kitchen roll it genuinely makes a difference like the amount of shit
609
when i have shitty kitchen roll right now i have used like three rolls in like two days
610
because i'm an absolute monster the way I behave around kitchen
611
roll it is should be genuinely a crime like just get
612
a spongy freak I have a sponge too I'm just greedy
613
and lazy to add on to my lovely what are they adjectives about myself fuck knows
614
but but hey maybe
615
that makes me a vermin damage to property yeah yeah anyway why was I saying
616
that oh yeah get the good kitchen roll it is
617
so much it lasts so much longer you need so much less
618
and it rips properly because don't get me started
619
when it fucking leaves the last corner oh god
620
so like I genuinely think you end up spending less
621
because it lasts that much longer you know I mean anyway journaling ecosystem okay
622
so this is irrelevant it's going over there to start I'll oh wait I'm missing a thing okay
623
so to start journaling ecosystem this is what I
624
journal in pretty much every day of my life it is
625
a moleskin again I don't know what size I love these I'm going to cover up my personal information
626
but I always like to decorate like I stick little things
627
and I have washi tape and some wrapping from a store
628
that like wrapped up what I bought it's cute makes it makes it makes you excited to use it
629
and a little sticker on the front so that's my like diary
630
if you will so that's thing number one now thing number two is I know that the Louise Carmen trend is rife.
631
I don't want a Louise Carmen.
632
Are they beautiful?
633
Yes.
634
Do I want one?
635
Yes.
636
But there's something in me that knows I shouldn't have one.
637
And I can't explain it, but it's like, I like not over-investing in hobbies that I actually enjoy,
638
like writing, because it feels more real to me the cheaper I can do it for.
639
Like, I really enjoy this just because I enjoy it not
640
because I have a I can't explain this my dad has owned like three sweaters since I was born
641
and he has like one pair of slippers
642
that he refuses to get rid of whatever
643
that bone is that's in the dad body I have it like
644
and I know I I consume a lot
645
and like I just bought this table
646
and I just bought everything you see around me like I
647
had to buy like I'm not the under consumption queen
648
that my dad is but when it comes to what I need and consume
649
on the day to day I don't enjoy overindulging does
650
that make any sense I don't I don't I get a
651
kick out of using things in the most bare bones way possible
652
and with journaling that's how I feel I don't know
653
but I did get a filofax
654
because it's kind of like a Louise Carmen in the sense
655
that the paper is replaceable and the cover is forever I wanted something
656
that like with these I cycle through them so quickly
657
and with old journals like this you're going to cycle through them
658
so quickly and I like the idea of something becoming worn
659
and traveling with me throughout a long period of time
660
and therefore you're going to need something with a replaceable insert system otherwise once you fill it up it's done
661
so I invested in one of these the paper is held in by ring binders
662
so you just need you can make your own paper
663
and then if you have a hole puncher you just punch the holes
664
or you can buy the paper from filofax
665
or like from fucking amazon like there's so many versions
666
and it has like you can put things like this in
667
like a this is like a pocket to hold stuff at the back there is a pocket
668
and in the pocket i have pictures of me and millie
669
and then a picture of my grand mommy grandma in the
670
back down you goes there you go okay has a built-in pen holder love and on the
671
front side it has kind of like a wallet system I have some art in here
672
that my cousin drew me
673
and then on the front I just made this cute little thank you I thought it was pretty
674
so this is actually pretty much filled up
675
and I need to take the paper out I love it
676
it is a bit bulky I will say it's a bit
677
bulky the idea of it was for me to be able to travel around day to day with something
678
that I love with smaller paper in it for thoughts and to-do lists and whatever.
679
It's a bit bulky for that I will say.
680
The reason I wanted something that I could carry around is because this is too personal.
681
I don't want it to leave the house really
682
and I use it to write about my day
683
or about how I'm feeling not like quick notes and stuff
684
but this I could use for quick notes and whatever I wanted
685
but it's a bit bulky i will i will admit
686
but i do love her i do love her
687
so i need to use it more i need to get
688
some new paper for it is what i need to do
689
because it's fucking full so to replace that whilst it's not been like in circulation of my life, I've been throwing this.
690
This is Licht.
691
And it is just plain.
692
And it is my on the go note taking system.
693
This is my to do list book slash work notebook,
694
mostly to stay at home and to create an archive of all my to do lists.
695
because I like making archives.
696
I think it's inspiring and fun.
697
The other thing, a stack of fucking sticky notes.
698
I always have like two pads of these on rotation around my house.
699
And then what I do is I, throughout the day, I will have thoughts or feelings that I could sit down and journal about, but I have no fucking time to do that.
700
And it's not, it's not the time and place.
701
So I will scribble it down on a sticky note, stick the sticky note in or on my journal in
702
and I'll come back to it later work notes thoughts scribbling
703
during meetings I fucking shopping list stick it on the fridge
704
like you can probably see there's a bunch of them on the fridge behind me like sticky notes
705
and me oh my god there's one on the back of
706
my computer too I don't even know what it says what does it say check check leave files in place
707
and proxies are on it's an editing note myself genius love sticky notes then i have this
708
which is a workbook of sorts i take it to my meeting
709
that i go to this is a plain like binder for a4 paper
710
and i use it for my language class and so i use just plain paper or whatever paper I have,
711
have a hole puncher, punch some holes in the paper, put it in here.
712
I write in like scribbly notes during my classes and then after my classes I sit down, I rewrite all my notes in a way that is pretty
713
and makes sense and then I can look back over
714
and then get rid of the class notes
715
and put the new notes in here so that I can refer back to them.
716
This is a small pencil case from Muji.
717
It is mesh, it is see-through.
718
I'm fucking in love with this pencil case.
719
Don't know what it is about this.
720
I love it.
721
Always in my bag and it has everything I need throughout the day
722
and then I have way more stuff just staying at home.
723
Like I have crayons, I have colored pencils, I have way more pens and pencil options but like this is full of everything I need to go out with.
724
Also in here is eye contact, contact refresh serum which I always take with me in here because then I always have it with me.
725
It's genius.
726
I also have a little aquaphor in here
727
because I always fucking want one of those with me
728
and then what else have we got in here we got
729
a bunch of bullshit we've got pens of all different sorts
730
uh pencil from the moma pencil from the twa hotel at jfk
731
when i missed my flight and had to stay the night
732
that sucked but i got a free pencil classic bic pen for
733
when you need to write really fast you need a ballpoint fucking pen bitch everything else is beautiful
734
but when someone's talking at the speed of light
735
and you're trying to take notes you need one of bees
736
this pen actually i love how it rises from hotel principe de sovia in milan the place i always stay
737
when i go for milan fashion week with gucci
738
and it is one of the best pens in the fucking world it's a ballpoint
739
but it's broken and so
740
if you press with any pressure the ballpoint it like retracts
741
i'm gonna steal another one whenever i'm next in milan gucci please invite me back to your next show
742
because i need to steal another pen from this hotel
743
that i otherwise would never stay at so will not
744
and would never stay out like it's not nice would
745
that like it's expensive it's so expensive
746
so please can I come back please thank you I need another pen
747
and then one of my favorite pens from Muji it's a three colored ballpoint don't really give a fuck
748
that it's three colored although that's sometimes useful I mostly just want the black
749
and the blue it's just the nicest ballpoint ever
750
and it's in this like triangular shape which is
751
so comfortable to hold my handwriting always looks really neat
752
when I write with this pen
753
when I write with this pen my handwriting is really messy
754
and I actually don't really like this pen
755
and just trying to finish it that's another thing I do
756
is I love finishing pens at uni I would exclusively use these
757
because number one they were cheap accessible and I love
758
that you can fully see the ink on the inside
759
and you can write really fast with them they're just good like they're decent pens for working
760
and what I would do is
761
it was like one of the only ways I could derive any level of dopamine
762
or serotonin from any part of my life was to watch
763
as the pen became more empty from all the notes I would take
764
and then because I did all my uni work by fucking hand
765
which probably was completely the wrong thing to be doing
766
but I decided at some point that things only go into my brain
767
if I write them with my hand
768
so I like wrote everything by like I probably could have worked in a more efficient way but
769
I would then stick the empty pen on my wall so
770
and I just had a bunch of them with blue tack stuck above my desk
771
and that was something I enjoyed I think I still have the empty pen somewhere
772
but I don't know love this one is also from Muji
773
and the highlighting tip is see-through in the middle so
774
that you can see what the fuck you're highlighting which genius
775
and then what is this this is another pen from Hotel
776
Balzac Balzac oh my god there's such a nice hotel I
777
stayed there in Paris I think I'm actually gonna not have
778
that in my pencil case anymore because it's too long
779
and it was causing issues
780
and then I have a little tiny little pencil sharpener don't
781
know why they ever make bigger ones just this is like the best pencil sharpener in the world
782
and that is my pencil case
783
and then I also just got these the other day
784
which actually I really am feeling bad about I'm gonna show you now
785
but like just know that I'm already feeling a bit guilty about the whole thing
786
so please don't make me feel worse or do
787
but I got I've been wanting a mechanical pencil for a
788
really long time I've never wanted a mechanical pencil in my
789
life I quite enjoy the experience of sharpening a pencil
790
and I enjoy that once you finish a pencil you get the satisfaction of it being small
791
and that there's no waste like almost no waste right we don't need to wrap a pencil
792
and plastic hey idea it's not necessary unless there's something
793
that you're doing that is so important that your pencil is always sharp
794
which there are jobs like that mine simply isn't one of them
795
so why would I get a fucking mechanical pencil you know then I saw this one mechanical pencil
796
and I can't remember who made it someone's gonna know what I'm talking about though it's a mechanical pencil
797
that rotates the nib like a bajillion times a second
798
so as you write you're constantly using all of the edges of the lead
799
so you never have the issue where one side is sharp and one side is dull.
800
It's always completely equal and obviously then the lead is replaceable so you just get one pen, one of the pen bit and a bunch of lead
801
and you just have the most perfect pencils for the rest of your life.
802
I want that.
803
Why did I buy this shitty Bic mechanical pencil?
804
Because I'm greedy there's no other reason for it I was at staples
805
and I was like oh my god mechanical pencils I've been
806
wanting a mechanical pencil kind of forgot why I had wanted a mechanical pencil in the first place
807
which was because of the amazing mechanical pencil that I had seen
808
and just bought this and and and for what you know
809
and for fucking what
810
so I feel bad feel bad there you go sometimes that's
811
life we make mistakes this is my favorite pen of all
812
time This is the Muji Smooth Gel Ink Ballpoint Pen Noctite 0.5 Black.
813
This pen and me are locked in.
814
You can't write fast with it because it's like if you're at a slant, if you're like me and if you're writing fast, you're at a slant, it's not gonna be good.
815
Like it does that feeling thing on the paper where it's gross.
816
You need a big ballpoint if you need to write fast.
817
But this is beautiful.
818
and I use it for my journaling and I use it whenever I can because I think it's gorgeous.
819
Let me show you.
820
Actually I can't be bothered to show you.
821
I'll just write on this.
822
This is a horrible example of the pen but there you go.
823
Okay well that's the most useless episode in the world.
824
Oh my god wait there's two more there's two more things sorry.
825
Wait oh my god that's my passport.
826
The fuck?
827
Okay so this this I've lost the clip that I used to use.
828
I used to have one of those metal clips on the top
829
because it doesn't close by itself
830
which is annoying i've spoken about this before on tiktok i
831
think it is a diary like a planner diary now i fell behind on using this
832
so i don't want to talk about that
833
but say you're in november it's a day of the week
834
so monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday side sunday the corners rip off like this
835
so that look if we go to to where I stopped using it, which is March to April,
836
you can rip all the corners off so that you can flip more easily to the page that you're on.
837
Now, is that not fucking genius?
838
And it's gorgeous.
839
And it has a map.
840
This is Love London, but it has a tube map because I got this in the UK.
841
It's WH Smith branded, if you're interested.
842
And it has a little wallet at the front, 2026.
843
I just think it's so chic.
844
I just think it's the most chic thing in the whole world.
845
And I'm really upset with myself for not having made more use of this
846
but shit got really busy and I went back to Google Calendar
847
but I will maybe restart using this
848
because this was really good for keeping myself on track
849
and it's just an easier way to see what's going on I think like I get confused
850
when I look at a fucking there's no digital calendar
851
that I've ever found that I like I just put up with it
852
and the other thing is that I have this the red version of this from Staples
853
this is for morning pages for me and
854
if you don't know what morning pages are they are three pages
855
that you write messily in the morning first thing
856
when you wake up if you can and it is like a brain dump
857
and you will be
858
so surprised at what comes out of your brain first thing in the morning it is nothing like you think
859
and it feels so good like it feels like it wouldn't feel good it feels
860
so good and it in it made me enact
861
so much change in my life when I first started doing morning pages
862
because there is only so many times you can repeat yourself about what's bothering you
863
or what you need to do or what you don't want to do
864
or what's making you angry before you are like oh my god let me just fucking go
865
and fix this because I it makes you
866
so much more self-aware like you can be self-aware
867
but then there's there's this other level to like where you're like oh my god like
868
stop it like stop like we're gonna change it's good for
869
changing it's also good for becoming more aware it's good for getting it out like your brain is
870
so interesting in the morning and I don't think you discover the extent of
871
that until you put pen to paper like it is
872
so eye opening to like I am not an angry person
873
right I've said this before like I can be angry
874
but I wouldn't say it's a very common state for me to be in
875
and I usually only experience anger around the time
876
that something is happening that should be making me angry or
877
or might realistically make a person angry you know like I
878
don't feel like it's my something I go to very often anyway turns out in the morning
879
when I'm talking about things
880
that have been bothering me for some time I very easily become angry
881
and I I think
882
that getting it out onto the paper number one made me aware of it
883
and I wasn't aware of it before
884
and number two it's like before you've made any excuses for the day
885
when you're in your most like human being state before your
886
phone before you've spoken to anyone like it's really just you
887
and you it allows so much honesty and
888
so much less protectiveness of yourself because you're barely functioning like there's something
889
so magical about it highly recommend doing morning pages you can look them up if
890
that was a shit explanation of what to do three pages
891
by shorthand first thing in the morning no objective just write put your pen on the paper
892
and see what comes out and
893
if you have to start by saying I don't know what to say say that it changed my life.
894
This is a lot smaller.
895
I used to do them in A4, the morning pages, and I actually found that easier because I would just write massive and sloppily.
896
This is going to make it a bit harder, but I'm hoping it's going to keep me a bit more accountable
897
because it's smaller and I can travel with it because I've really struggled to stay consistent with morning pages.
898
Anyway, bitches, I'm done.
899
I'm going to shut the fuck up.
900
It's raining and I'm about to go out.
901
I'm going out in the next...
902
I need to text someone to figure out what time I'm going, actually.
903
I love you guys I hope that you have a splendid week I hope
904
that your day is going well I hope
905
that everything is okay in your lives and beyond
906
and thank you for watching this week's episode of Pretty Lonesome
907
I love you very much let me know let me know
908
how we feel about the new setup I can go back
909
to the couch it's not an issue we can stay here
910
I can I could clean up behind me before I sit down for an episode
911
that might be nice sorry about that
912
but love you have a good day night week I love you so much okay okay bye bye
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Erste Eindrücke: Warum dieses Video tolles Übungsmaterial fürs Sprechen ist
Das Video "How to Cope as a Useless Lonely Rat" eignet sich hervorragend fürs Englisch lernen mit YouTube, weil es eine natürliche, ungekünstelte Sprache verwendet – genau das, was du brauchst, um flüssig zu sprechen. Die Sprecherin nutzt umgangssprachliche Wendungen, spontane Korrekturen und eine lebendige Intonation, die dir hilft, die Rhythmik des Englischen zu verstehen. Zudem handelt es sich um ein Gesprächsszenario, das nah an der realen Kommunikation liegt – ideal fürs üben von Englisch Shadowing, einer Methode, die dir helfen kann, Aussprache und Sprachfluss zu verbessern.
Analyse: Warum die Sätze natürlich klingen
- "Is this thing on? Testing, testing.": Diese spontanen Fragen und Wiederholungen sind typisch fürs Starten einer Aufnahme. Sie zeigen, wie Menschen in der Realität überprüfen, ob Technik funktioniert – eine einfache, aber effektive Möglichkeit, die Alltagssprache zu lernen.
- "Well, I would consider myself significantly useless and lonely and rat-like.": Die Verwendung von "well" als Pausewort und die aufeinanderfolgenden Adjektive machen den Satz lebendig. Solche Strukturen helfen, Gespräche flüssiger zu gestalten, statt sie zu starr zu formulieren.
- "If you guys don't know this about me, I fucking love rodents.": Die umgangssprachliche Form "you guys" und das Betonungswort "fucking" (hier als Verstärker) zeigen, wie man Emotionen ausdrückt. Natürliche Sprache enthält oft solche Elemente – lerne sie, um dein Englisch authentischer klingen zu lassen.
Übungsroutine: So verbessern du deine Sprechfertigkeit mit Shadowing
Für eine effektive Übung nutze den Englisch Shadowing-Methode: 1. Höre einen kurzen Abschnitt des Videos (5-10 Sekunden) genau an. 2. Wiederhole ihn sofort nach, versuche die Intonation, den Ton und die Pausen zu kopieren. 3. Nimm dich auf und vergleiche deine Version mit dem Original. Konzentriere dich auf Stellen, an denen du Schwierigkeiten hast – z. B. die Aussprache von "rodents" oder die Rhythmik von "I can't wait". Wiederhole dies täglich, und du wirst merken, wie sich dein Sprachfluss und deine Englische Aussprache schnell verbessern. Mit Videos wie diesem machst du Englisch sprechen üben nicht nur effektiv, sondern auch spannend!
Shadowspeaks – eine Methode, die sich bewährt hat, um Englisch wie ein Native zu sprechen – wird hier perfekt umgesetzt. Nutze die natürliche Sprache des Videos, um dein Sprechen zu verfeinern und Spaß am Lernen zu haben.
Grammatik in diesem Video
Die Strukturen, die der Sprecher am häufigsten verwendet, mit den genauen Worten aus dem Video:
| Struktur | Im Video |
|---|---|
| Present Perfect Continuous have/has been + -ing – eine Handlung, die früher begann und noch andauert | I've just been letting · I've been dealing · haven't really been doing |
| „Used to“ used to + Verb – eine frühere Gewohnheit oder ein Zustand, der nicht mehr gilt | used to have · used to do |
| Present Perfect have/has + Partizip Perfekt – eine vergangene Handlung, die jetzt noch wichtig ist | I've had · has never been · I've made |
| Passiv be + Partizip Perfekt – wichtig ist, was geschieht, nicht wer es tut | can be medicated · be delivered · was drunk |
Was ist die Shadowing-Technik?
Shadowing ist eine wissenschaftlich fundierte Sprachlerntechnik, die ursprünglich für die professionelle Dolmetscherausbildung entwickelt und durch den Polyglotten Dr. Alexander Arguelles populär gemacht wurde. Die Methode ist einfach aber wirkungsvoll: Du hörst englisches Audio von Muttersprachlern und wiederholst es sofort laut — wie ein Schatten, der dem Sprecher mit nur 1–2 Sekunden Verzögerung folgt. Anders als passives Hören oder Grammatikübungen zwingt Shadowing dein Gehirn und deine Mundmuskulatur, gleichzeitig echte Sprachmuster zu verarbeiten und zu reproduzieren. Studien zeigen, dass es Aussprachegenauigkeit, Intonation, Rhythmus, verbundene Sprache, Hörverständnis und Sprechflüssigkeit signifikant verbessert — was es zu einer der effektivsten Methoden für die IELTS Speaking-Vorbereitung und reale englische Kommunikation macht.