शैडोइंग अभ्यास: An umpire's tips on dealing with conflict | Stefano Cossalter | TEDxGrandviewHeights - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

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Reviewer Gopal My son Giovanni and I, we work in an environment where many people dislike us, yell at us, argue with us, and some might even threaten us with physical violence.

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Reviewer Gopal My son Giovanni and I, we work in an environment where many people dislike us, yell at us, argue with us, and some might even threaten us with physical violence.

0:00.02 – 0:22.60 (22.6s)

Welcome to the world of a baseball umpire.

0:24.32 – 0:27.16 (2.8s)

What started out as a fun way to spend more time with my son turned out to be one of the most profound learning experiences I've had dealing with people in conflict.

0:30.00 – 0:40.80 (10.8s)

And it all started when my son Giovanni was 11 years old.

0:41.74 – 0:45.34 (3.6s)

He looked at me, he said, Dad, I want to be a baseball umpire.

0:44.80 – 0:48.92 (4.1s)

We put him through the all-day clinic, and after that, he was set up to umpire his first game.

0:50.36 – 0:55.98 (5.6s)

I was so proud of him.

0:57.42 – 0:59.96 (2.5s)

His first job at 11 years old, watching him work with parents, coaches and players, I could see those life skills just sinking in.

1:00.80 – 1:10.60 (9.8s)

Where else can you get that kind of experience?

1:11.40 – 1:13.50 (2.1s)

But the first few games, he'd come to the backstop and he'd grip the chain link fence and he'd say, Dad, Dad, I don't think I can do this.

1:15.34 – 1:24.62 (9.3s)

I looked him in the eye and I said, you can do this Giovanni, don't quit.

1:25.60 – 1:30.08 (4.5s)

It'll get easier next time.

1:30.56 – 1:31.94 (1.4s)

After a few deep breaths he'd go back to the game and get through it.

1:31.94 – 1:36.08 (4.1s)

At the end of the season he said, dad why don't you become a baseball umpire with me?

1:36.08 – 1:42.60 (6.5s)

I said, what a great idea.

1:42.60 – 1:45.74 (3.1s)

I already go to watch his games, not to mention the money you'll pay for the gas.

1:45.74 – 1:49.94 (4.2s)

So I went up to the umpire chief and said, do you guys take adults into your program?

1:49.94 – 1:55.78 (5.8s)

Yes, there's high turnover with umpires.

1:55.78 – 2:00.36 (4.6s)

We'll take all the help we can get.

2:00.36 – 2:01.92 (1.6s)

I thought high turnover?

2:01.92 – 2:04.82 (2.9s)

How hard can this be?

2:04.30 – 2:07.02 (2.7s)

So I signed up for my first clinic.

2:07.02 – 2:09.86 (2.8s)

Okay, you have to picture this.

2:09.86 – 2:13.78 (3.9s)

There I was on the field at the clinic doing the exercises, me and 35 five 11-year-olds.

2:13.78 – 2:20.98 (7.2s)

Have you ever heard the saying, kids can be so mean?

2:23.72 – 2:26.44 (2.7s)

Well, this is an understatement.

2:26.98 – 2:28.60 (1.6s)

They were merciless and with me they must have smelled weakness.

2:28.60 – 2:32.54 (3.9s)

At 47 years old, it was like a cow thrown into a tank of piranhas.

2:32.54 – 2:37.58 (5.0s)

They called me loser, old man and boomer.

2:37.58 – 2:40.56 (3.0s)

But I was undeterred because I wanted to set a good example for my son.

2:43.04 – 2:46.92 (3.9s)

Our first baseball game together they put us in the highest most competitive league there is in baseball little league I arrived all dressed up in my equipment I was behind the plate Giovanni was on the bases I waited for the first pitch to come in right over the plate above the knees strike next pitch comes in way low to the left.

2:46.92 – 3:14.58 (27.7s)

Ball!

3:14.58 – 3:15.36 (0.8s)

This was a piece of cake.

3:15.36 – 3:18.46 (3.1s)

I was a natural.

3:18.46 – 3:19.54 (1.1s)

Next pitch comes in, right above the plate, but was it above the knees or below the knees?

3:19.54 – 3:26.62 (7.1s)

I couldn't tell.

3:26.62 – 3:27.68 (1.1s)

Strike!

3:28.40 – 3:28.88 (0.5s)

Audible groans from the audience.

3:28.88 – 3:31.84 (3.0s)

Now, I've been a people pleaser my entire life, but being a baseball umpire, I was forced to deal It was something I wasn't used to, disagreement.

3:34.20 – 3:43.44 (9.2s)

But that's where the real lessons came in.

3:45.06 – 3:47.58 (2.5s)

The next pitch came in way low.

3:49.70 – 3:51.92 (2.2s)

Ball, the scorekeeper behind me yells, hey, ump, he swung the bat.

3:52.12 – 3:57.74 (5.6s)

This was more difficult than I expected.

4:00.80 – 4:02.98 (2.2s)

He swung the bat right in front of my eyes and I missed it.

4:04.46 – 4:07.68 (3.2s)

And that's when things really went downhill.

4:08.52 – 4:10.82 (2.3s)

Next pitch comes in, strike three.

4:11.66 – 4:14.58 (2.9s)

Some guy in the stands jumps up and yells, hey ump, the strike zone's at the knees.

4:14.58 – 4:21.36 (6.8s)

The coach yells at me, he goes, that's it, I'm sick of this.

4:21.36 – 4:25.40 (4.0s)

What the heck are you doing?

4:25.40 – 4:26.94 (1.5s)

Some guy behind me is like, hey ump, clean out your eyes.

4:26.94 – 4:30.60 (3.7s)

Whatever that means.

4:30.60 – 4:32.30 (1.7s)

It turns out people have strong opinions about this strike zone.

4:32.30 – 4:36.90 (4.6s)

I came to the field with my protection, my mask, my chest guard, my leg guards, but I didn't have anything to protect me emotionally.

4:40.50 – 4:51.72 (11.2s)

A few games later, a high-stakes play was developing on first base.

4:54.54 – 4:58.95 (4.4s)

I was on bases and Giovanni was behind the plate.

5:00.15 – 5:02.39 (2.2s)

The first baseman was reaching for the ball, and I clearly saw the ball get caught before the runner touched the base.

5:03.79 – 5:10.13 (6.3s)

Clear cut.

5:10.65 – 5:11.13 (0.5s)

You're out!

5:11.95 – 5:12.37 (0.4s)

The coach loses his mind.

5:13.67 – 5:15.45 (1.8s)

He throws his hat in the dirt, red-faced, veins bulging right up to my face.

5:15.93 – 5:21.05 (5.1s)

He yelled, you really messed up that call.

5:22.05 – 5:24.43 (2.4s)

I said, I'm right here.

5:24.91 – 5:25.93 (1.0s)

I was right here.

5:25.95 – 5:26.69 (0.7s)

I had a perfect view.

5:26.69 – 5:27.69 (1.0s)

He started arguing a bit and Giovanni came over, but I shooed him away.

5:28.45 – 5:31.37 (2.9s)

Eventually, I sent the coach packing.

5:32.49 – 5:34.43 (1.9s)

After the game, Giovanni and I were walking home and I said to him, I'm sorry, man.

5:36.63 – 5:41.55 (4.9s)

I can't hack this.

5:42.85 – 5:44.13 (1.3s)

It's not even worth the money.

5:45.01 – 5:46.19 (1.2s)

He looked at me in the eyes and he said, You can do this, Dad.

5:48.13 – 5:52.25 (4.1s)

Don't quit.

5:53.05 – 5:53.57 (0.5s)

It'll get easier next time.

5:53.57 – 5:55.07 (1.5s)

It's shocking the moment you realize your 12-year-old son is more clever than you are.

5:58.11 – 6:01.95 (3.8s)

No, no, Giovanni, this is different.

6:04.11 – 6:05.35 (1.2s)

I just can't handle it.

6:06.11 – 6:08.43 (2.3s)

The guy was right in my face, yelling.

6:08.59 – 6:10.71 (2.1s)

Looked me in the eyes, lied to me just so his team could win.

6:11.73 – 6:14.41 (2.7s)

Giovanni said, why would he lie to you, Dad?

6:15.59 – 6:18.31 (2.7s)

He said, from where I was standing behind the plate, I could see the first baseman's foot come off the base.

6:19.65 – 6:25.31 (5.7s)

The coach was right.

6:26.57 – 6:27.43 (0.9s)

He was safe.

6:27.43 – 6:28.11 (0.7s)

Well, why didn't you tell me?

6:30.75 – 6:31.95 (1.2s)

He said, I did tell you, Dad.

6:32.89 – 6:33.91 (1.0s)

I tried.

6:33.91 – 6:34.55 (0.6s)

You just weren't listening.

6:34.55 – 6:35.75 (1.2s)

Giovanni was always somewhat precocious, but I wasn't about to get schooled by him.

6:38.41 – 6:43.41 (5.0s)

I said, okay, if the pitcher wants it one way and the batter wants it the other, who's right?

6:44.91 – 6:49.27 (4.4s)

He looked at me and said, they both are, Dad.

6:49.99 – 6:52.45 (2.5s)

It's shocking the moment you realize your 12-year-old son is wiser than you are.

6:54.85 – 6:58.63 (3.8s)

A few games later, a coach was irate at me for the call I made on third base.

7:00.87 – 7:06.15 (5.3s)

He was yelling at me, so I sent him to the sidelines with a warning.

7:07.43 – 7:10.25 (2.8s)

I went up to his assistant coach and I said, there's no excuse for that kind of behavior.

7:11.89 – 7:15.85 (4.0s)

He said, yeah, you're right.

7:17.21 – 7:18.39 (1.2s)

There is no excuse for that.

7:18.53 – 7:19.61 (1.1s)

If it makes a difference, it really wasn't about you.

7:20.79 – 7:24.41 (3.6s)

It was about something bad happened to him earlier.

7:25.57 – 7:27.89 (2.3s)

No, I'm not saying bad behavior is acceptable.

7:30.25 – 7:33.89 (3.6s)

It's not.

7:34.29 – 7:34.69 (0.4s)

But if we take these things into consideration, maybe what somebody's going through, I think that's a big important part of being fair, impartial, and empathetic, both on and off the field.

7:36.25 – 7:49.25 (13.0s)

100

I've also come to learn that as a baseball umpire, it's not just about making the right calls.

7:51.43 – 7:58.27 (6.8s)

101

It's about realizing that every single person, every player, every coach comes to the field with their own experiences, their own challenges, and their own views.

7:59.65 – 8:10.41 (10.8s)

102

And sometimes, just like in life, those views are shaped by things we can't see from where we're standing.

8:10.41 – 8:18.21 (7.8s)

103

My son was teaching me empathy and if I was going to do this job I'd have to realize that everybody there just loves baseball.

8:20.17 – 8:28.93 (8.8s)

104

Of course knowing this and putting it into practice are two different things.

8:28.93 – 8:35.39 (6.5s)

105

The first thing I had to learn was how to stay calm under pressure.

8:35.39 – 8:39.45 (4.1s)

106

Historically when I encountered conflict I'd either avoid it or dig in my heels and get defensive.

8:39.45 – 8:47.63 (8.2s)

107

But by staying calm under pressure hasn't just made me a better umpire, it's made me a better father, a better spouse, and a better business partner.

8:50.13 – 8:59.33 (9.2s)

108

Perspective and empathy, they're not just valuable things on the field, they're essential for every conflict we encounter.

9:01.41 – 9:09.35 (7.9s)

109

So next time you get in a disagreement, think like an umpire.

9:10.81 – 9:15.03 (4.2s)

110

Stay calm under pressure and ask yourself, am I seeing the whole picture?

9:16.73 – 9:22.07 (5.3s)

111

Can I look at this from a different angle?

9:23.05 – 9:25.21 (2.2s)

112

And am I able to understand where somebody else is coming from?

9:25.49 – 9:29.71 (4.2s)

113

Maybe, like me, you'll see that empathy and perspective can be the difference between a heated argument and a moment of connection.

9:30.47 – 9:40.57 (10.1s)

114

Thank you.

9:40.99 – 9:41.97 (1.0s)

115

Thank you.

9:46.73 – 9:47.31 (0.6s)

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