शैडोइंग अभ्यास: Confidence isn't loud, here's how to find your voice | Nimi Mehta - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

All right, Balancers, today's guest is someone I'm really excited to have on the show because, you know, when you just come across those profiles on Instagram

and you're just magnetically drawn to someone

and I'm talking like from the point of view where I feel like we almost have similar neural pathways in our brain.

We think about things in a very similar way.

So I think this is going to be a very synergistic, easy conversation.

So I'm really excited to have you on today.

Our guest is the CEO of Speaker by Nimi Mehta.

She's a TV and radio presenter, an emcee, a podcast host, a speaker, a public speaking mentor.

What don't you do?

It's the beautiful Nimi Mehta on the podcast today.

Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me.

I'm so excited to be here and to synergize with you.

Oh, I love it.

I know.

There's going to be a lot of synergizing.

I think one of the first things that I was really interested in was your journey from, And I think this is something a lot of people resonate with, that feeling of completing your degree.

So you studied journalism and getting your first job, which you have described as being your dream job at the time.

And just that first year experience and what happened directly after, because I think that's important context to understand kind of where you've come to now.

Yeah, yeah, that's a great first question.

So, I mean, just to set the scene, I guess, for people, did journalism at university,

came straight out at the age of 21 and got the job to be an MTV presenter.

And that, for me, just felt so normal at the time.

When something like that happens to you, you think that life is that easy, especially at such a young age.

You know, you come out thinking, well, it's really going to be dog eat dog.

And then this happens.

And it was amazing.

So you just applied and got the job.

Just applied.

It was an online competition.

you had to submit a video reel and

so I booked out my local church's hall

and I grabbed all my family and friends

and I said I need you to be extras

and we were in the dressing room

and I was walking through presenting pretending it's fashion week

and I had like my sister getting her hair done by her friend

and you know people throwing clothes around I love the effort it's still on YouTube to this day just

because it's so iconic for me I'm like I really produced directed

and presented it's amazing and so that is what got me the gig

but it was just what followed after you know and

and i think that we all have these dreams

and these goal posts so to say and i really thought at

that age that you have one goal post you get to

that goal post

and then it's over life's done life's done like a sign

seal delivered like it's over um in a really good way that oh i'm just gonna be plane sailing after this.

Obviously it wasn't.

And, um, it was, it was a real hit to the ego.

It was a real hit to, you know, my mindset of like, Oh, what now, you know, where do I go now?

And I just wasn't prepared for what was after.

And so I think that's when I realized, and it really hit me that my dreams are ever evolving and ever changing.

And sometimes when you think something is your dream, it's not, it's just a stepping stone towards the bigger picture.

Yeah.

There's always um a bigger piece at play i think we've forgotten one key detail though

so you got the job at mtv and then what happened yeah

that shattered your ego yeah yeah well i was there for a year

and i had a contract for the year and then the contract ended

and i was unemployed for a few years after

that trying to hustle back in to be a presenter

so they just didn't renew it yeah they didn't renew it the channel

that they basically created was something called like district mtv

so they were trying a new concept of music and fashion together

and it just wasn't picking up so they they ended it all

and that was me

that was me done well you know what's really interesting what

a beautiful lesson to learn at such a young age

that your dreams are ever evolving and

that goals are not i like talking about it in the

frame of goals are not end posts they're goal posts uh

no what do i i can't remember even how i talk about it now

but it's kind of like they're just markers along your journey

so you're running a marathon right it's not the finish line And it's just like, oh, you've reached this part of the process.

And the reason I think this is so important to really embrace is because it helps you enjoy the process,

which is something I really struggle with that patience piece when not much is happening or things are happening, but they're happening in a different way to what you think.

You actually zoom out and you remember you're just in that middle part of between those checkpoints.

And when you really zoom out all the way, you realize that's actually what life is yeah it's not about

you know i had a similar experience where i thought

that achieving this goal getting this job

but you know reaching this point was going to feel a certain way

and yeah okay it felt great but then it was over

and it was like okay now what's the next part of life

so i think it's good to have had

that reframe at such a young age where you're like okay

my goals are actually just markers of what's next yeah and

and the thing is no one teaches us this you know life does yeah Life does

and these experiences teach you

and obviously we're in a wonderful position now where we can look back and in hindsight be like, oh, thank God, it really taught me a lot.

For some people, I know it can go the other way.

I just think that, you know, as we take on these experiences, I think we need to know that we are never, ever the finished product.

And I think that's what I was always chasing as a young individual who wanted to be a TV presenter.

I want to be Jamila Jamil or I want to be Davina McColl on the TV.

And that was why I had my eyes set on.

And I was like, they have their own journey.

I didn't recognize that at the time.

I thought, oh, overnight they were successes.

But I think that it just built my character a lot more.

Yeah, absolutely.

So you were saying you were unemployed for a few years.

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And then what was the next thing?

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And how did you work out how to get to

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that place after kind of being a little disappointed in that initial dream?

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Yeah, I really believe in the power of proximity.

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so for me even though I was let go at MTV they under this group called Viacom

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and within Viacom they have like brands like Nickelodeon and stuff like

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that and I thought you know what I'm gonna try

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and get a job at any of these companies as long

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as I'm in the building as long as I'm in the building someone will remember me

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or I will hear whispers of like a new job opening up you know and And so I thought, as long as I'm there, I'll be their next choice.

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And so I applied for a job at Nickelodeon, which was an advert scheduler, just sitting all day, just scheduling adverts.

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It was so monotonous, but I just thought I'm there.

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And nothing came of it.

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I would love to sit here and tell you like, oh, my God, yeah, and then something happened.

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It didn't.

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But the reason I'm sharing this with you is because I never lost sight.

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I never gave up hope.

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and so then for me it was also the process of elimination i sat with myself

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and i was like okay you want to become a tv

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presenter cool what about everything else within the media industry let's learn every single role possible let's experience it

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and then let's actually find out if you do want to be a tv presenter

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because you might get behind the camera

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and think wow i actually love being a producer

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or a director okay that now my goals changed to that and you know i tried everything from editorial, my local newspaper, to Hello Magazine,

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to an internship with ITV, you know, behind one of the biggest breakfast shows in the country.

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I was hustling.

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I was so persistent with every work experience job.

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I mean, I got an email and back then, you know, there was no such thing as, you know, just clicking a button and being connected to someone on LinkedIn or, you know, following them on Instagram and DMing them.

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It was literally showing up at the door. So even

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if you sent an email there was no recognition of it

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i was showing up the door with physical paper cvs yeah for anyone young listening we really did do

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that and i would show up doing that

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and i remember i got one of my internships

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because a guy who was a producer a local tv show just wasn't responding to me on my emails

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and i just kept going like i was like once a

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month i had set like dates on my calendar to keep

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sending him an email like hey just let you know i'm here

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and if anything comes up let me know like i wasn't pushy at all

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but one month came up and he goes you are

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so persistent like you will not give up

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but lucky for you something's just come up

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and this was like six to eight months after i'd first connected with him

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and so my point being that

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if you set your eyes on something just keep going like the worst

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that can happen is they say no okay well you can't miss something you never had

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but if you keep going something might come out of it so

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it was

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that it was me trying absolutely everything under the sun until

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I realized you know what TV presenting is what I want to do

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and I went into radio then

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because there was there was such a lack of opportunity in TV in the UK

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and so I wanted to expand my skill set went into radio at a local radio station and did

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that for like five months I was shockingly bad it was

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oh it was hideous honestly I'm going to play you a clip from it

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but it was just like my voice was different I

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you can tell I'm like super rushed and super anxious and I didn't really know what I was doing.

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It was going out to like a thousand people in my local town.

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And then five months later, I moved to Radio 1 Abu Dhabi to host a national breakfast show.

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So that was a crazy journey for me from going from like a thousand people to a whole nation.

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Yeah, wow.

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And you actually never know, like I always say, every networking thing you do, every job, every relationship, like,

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I feel like we get so stuck in like oh

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that was such a waste of time

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but honestly every little thing has its role

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and leads you to exactly where you're meant to be right

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so even if

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that five month radio job was like oh whatever it served

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me nothing maybe you wouldn't have gotten attention for the Abu Dhabi role yeah

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if you hadn't had that on your resume

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so you just never know how all these things kind of

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play together um before I ask you the next question I'll just share one thing

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that really helped me be continue to be persistent

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because it's the same thing with you know

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if you're trying to get certain people on the podcast

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or you're trying to pitch yourself for certain things you're going

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to get a lot of rejection like don't sit here thinking just

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because you see xyz person on the show i don't experience rejection like it happens to everyone

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and for anyone to get anywhere you have to go through the hurdles of rejection that's life

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but a really beautiful reframe for me was imagine you knew

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you had 50 no's before you got a yes you'd be going as fast as you could to get through

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and churn through all those no's just so you could hurry up

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and get to the yes so seeing every rejection

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or setback is just that's one less one before my yes

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or before my opportunity has been like a really great reframe for me to just keep going right

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and not take it personally

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because half the time it's not personal at all yeah you know what i mean yeah

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so then you've you've gone into this abu dhabi role

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and now you're kind of in this entrepreneurial freelancing doing a bit of everything so this transition into being,

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I guess, career focused to entrepreneurial, if I can call it that focus, what have been the biggest things you've learned in that transition?

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Yeah.

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Wow.

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So I did Radio 1 Abu Dhabi for a year until Channel 4 poached me over to Dubai.

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So then I was at Channel 4 hosting the breakfast show for five years.

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And that was a grind.

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That was like 4am wake ups.

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That was, it was a lifestyle choice.

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It really was doing a show from six to 10.

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I did that solidly for five years.

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We were named the number one show in the country, you know, and I absolutely loved it and adored it.

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And you know, those years I was unemployed that I was telling you back in the UK, um, the power of visualization and manifestation is real.

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Like I know we hear it and we see it and we consume so much stuff that just sounds so fuzzy.

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That's like, yeah, visualization, manifestation.

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I cannot stress it enough.

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It is one of the key things that got me to where I am today.

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I agree.

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So I remember sitting there in my bed whilst I was crying because I was unemployed and miserable.

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Tissues in tow.

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Yeah, exactly.

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And I came to Dubai on and off growing up anyway.

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And I was like, you know what, let's just see what's out there.

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And I was on channel4dubai.com and I saw like the presenter lineup and all these faces.

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And I remember, like, I kid you not, Erica, I was sitting there for like an hour just staring at that lineup, staring and just visualizing myself in that lineup.

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And I kept saying you're gonna be there, you're gonna be there, you're gonna be there.

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And I mean, it didn't happen overnight, I would love to say that,

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but it happened literally a few years later where I was then hosting the breakfast show of that lineup.

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And so this kind of power of believing really changed the game for me, but that was a solid job.

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That was my dream job that I've been working all these years to be, you know, at the top of the game.

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The, you know, for me as well, a female in radio, females were generally considered kind of like giggle girls in radio.

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The guy was the main guy and the girl would just kind of laugh at whatever the guy says.

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That is just a classic radio setup.

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I was really lucky because my co-host and me had a 50-50 share, you know, we were very much like equal voices

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but i love the show

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and um it just got to a point where i was like it is time for a change

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and you feel it you feel it in your bones like you know it

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and so i know

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and i am from my community i have a lot of

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people who talk to me about how did you take the leap like how did you make

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that change how did you believe in yourself

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and it came down to one thing and that was which fear do I choose?

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So there were two fears.

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The first was, oh my gosh, but if I leave, I have a solid salary here.

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So financially I was covered.

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It was my comfort zone.

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I knew it day in, day out.

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I had a routine with it.

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The third was, you know, this was your dream.

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Are you going to let go of your dream?

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I was holding onto that fear of, but the unknown, what's going to happen next?

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And then that was one side of the fear.

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The second side of the fear was, okay, but are you still going to be here in five years time?

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Are you still going to feel undervalued in five years time?

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Are you still going to be saying to yourself, oh, Nimi, why are you here?

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Are you still going to be getting out of bed every morning, feeling like it's more of a chore than a spring in your step?

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And that fear outweighed the fear before.

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I was so scared of staying stagnant that any fear I felt about leaving

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and taking the leap was just irrelevant to me.

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Because I was like, I would rather look back and say, I'm so proud you tried, than, oh, I'm so proud you stayed and stayed in your little comfort box and,

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you know, shied away from your potential.

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So if anyone is feeling like they're in that kind of period and and scared to kind of take the next step, I would say weigh out your fear.

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Which one scares you more?

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Because for me, it was definitely the latter.

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That is such a powerful question.

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And in a very similar vein, a question you could also ask is, which discomfort do you want to choose?

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It's a very similar question because the reality is it's uncomfortable not pursuing things

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that you dream about or things that you wish you wanted to do.

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And it's also uncomfortable pursuing them because you're, you know, dealing with potentially not feeling like you're worthy to do it

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and self-doubt and the uncertainty and all of that

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but then the flip of

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that is actually just not doing it at all never trying never knowing

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and being stuck in something that maybe is not setting your heart on fire

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so yeah i think just being really honest with yourself like

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it's i feel like this is one of those things where

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if you get that feeling like you described it in your bones i know that feeling it's happened And,

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you know, iconic moments in my life where in that moment you have the, I think it's like twofold.

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You have that feeling and you acknowledge what's going on and then it's the action piece.

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And that's obviously the hardest part.

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But getting raw with yourself, I think, is the most actionable thing you can do

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because it helps you see what you're like at a fork in a road.

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And it's like, okay, which one?

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Which one do I want to go for?

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So I think that's really good advice for anybody listening.

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and really you can apply that to any juncture

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or crossroad in your life with anything relationships decisions with your

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health like you know what I mean like pick your fear

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or pick your discomfort 100% and I would say

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that your body tells you exactly what you want

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and this is something

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that I've kind of learned to listen to we we talk about listening to our mind

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and our heart all the time but our body is

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so aligned with us in the sense that if I feel something in my bones, that term exists for a reason, right?

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Because you feel it in your core, in your gut.

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I have a five second rule where I'm like, okay, as soon as I feel something, I hold on to that because in five seconds, my mind's going to start convincing me otherwise.

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My mind's going to start convincing me.

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No, no, no, don't leave.

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Don't leave because what about money?

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What about this? what about stability what about you know you

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but you want to be able to afford you know a

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house next year how are you going to be able to do

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that you know all these little elements of life

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that come through the extras

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that really don't contribute to your core your mind convinces you otherwise of what your body tells you

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so i set a five second rule as soon as i have thought

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and felt something i instantly am aware that my mind's going to kick in any second and i need to

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like hold that piece.

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I need to hold that core gut, gut feeling I'm getting.

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I need to hold onto that.

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And I would say that a lot of us avoid it.

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A lot, a lot of us ignore it because it's probably the easiest thing to do.

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And so that kind of discipline has really changed the game for me in decision-making and taking these kinds of leaps.

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Yeah, that's amazing.

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And often I think the reason, I mean, the brain is the rational part of the body.

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We owe a lot to it for keeping us alive

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but it does try and give meaning to everything

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when sometimes it stands on its own enough as it is

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and i think the reason that that is so good like i love

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that just sitting with the thought for five seconds

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and just noticing what that knee-jerk reaction is yeah because

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that often is a little bit uncomfortable because it's prompting change right

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but if you actually just that's a really good actionable thing people can take

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and maybe practice that's a good way to start listening to that inner voice that, you know, when we talk about following your intuition or being more intuitive, I think it comes down to small things like this.

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My fiance, he used to be a chiropractor and I mean, he's had a huge career shift, which is totally random, but in his times being a chiropractor,

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we used to talk about how the body's language was pain.

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And I find this really interesting just in kind of like

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a tangent of what we're talking about is it will also send signals

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when things are not right as equally as when you need to make change or do something different.

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And so what I find really interesting, I don't know if anyone or yourself can resonate with this, but if I'm really stressed or I'm really out of alignment,

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I will always get the same pain and it's in my neck.

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It's always just neck pain.

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And I always used to think, oh, I'm on the computer too much.

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But I remember it happening one time when I was on holidays, I got, you know, something happened and I got a bit stressful and I was like, well, I haven't been on my computer.

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So I now notice that as like my body's language.

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But I think just tuning into little things, whether it is in moments of stress, in moments of change, whether it's a knee-jerk reaction before your mind kicks in,

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like just getting familiar with how you respond to things

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and what that looks like in your body is so powerful to take control of your own life.

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Yeah, and that also applies, you know, I've like deeply studied this even when it comes to like communication.

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But that also applies to like when you meet people.

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I don't know about you.

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I don't know if you've ever met like in a social situation, you've bumped into new people, you've met them.

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My body instantly tells me if I am the vibe.

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Yeah.

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You can feel the energy.

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Am I for that person or am I not?

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And usually, even when my body tells me they're not my vibe, I still then convince myself, no, no, no, it's okay.

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Like, oh, I start doubting myself rather than doubting the other person.

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And we need to trust ourselves more.

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That's what it comes down to.

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And I think that this is when we start to get into, you know, bad friendships or bad relationships because we are not following our gut.

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And that we need to be able to pick up these signs and that level of self-awareness is really key, I think.

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Yeah.

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And I think one thing that helped me get comfortable with that because I was a bit like, oh, but they're not a bad person.

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I was over complicating it.

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I was like, it's not even about good or bad or that they've done something wrong.

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It's just alignment.

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Yeah.

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Like at the end of the day, like our energies are just not aligned and

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that doesn't mean I need to not like you or it doesn't mean you have to have done something wrong to me.

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We're just not aligned.

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Yeah.

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And I just don't need to give you more than what I have to.

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Totally.

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And that's okay.

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Fine.

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Yeah. So fine.

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I'd love to ask you a bit about finding your voice.

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Like obviously through speaker and different things that you're doing now, that's something you're helping other people achieve.

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And I think it's such a powerful thing.

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I mean, as a podcast host, I know the power of my voice in learning, in communicating, in understanding different things.

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And, and I think connecting is another big one too.

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So when it comes to finding your voice, what does that actually mean?

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Because I think there may be a lot of people listening have not even considered what is my, what is my voice?

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Like what does, even now that I'm thinking about it, like, okay, it's the physical thing, like it's my voice, but what does that mean in terms of how I portray myself to the world?

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And how do people go about locating what that even is for them?

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Yeah, great question.

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I think for me, the reason that all kind of started was when I was shifting from my main job, which was being on the radio to then what next?

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And I had a like kind of mind shift of perspective.

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So I went from the day to day, okay, this is ticking over month to month, this is ticking over to then legacy mode.

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I went to mode of what am I leaving behind?

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What am I sharing with people around me that I have learned from my journey that they can, you know, that can help them along theirs.

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And that's when I started to think about how I used to be an absolute mute as a child.

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And now I'm hosting some of the biggest events and TV shows.

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I wouldn't believe that for a second.

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Right.

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And my mom and grandma still to this day are like, are you the same person?

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Like they just cannot, it doesn't click for them.

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but that really resonated with me and

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so what i did was i sat down and i was like okay

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so how did you get from a to z how did you do it

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and i realized what i have taught myself i could framework

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and i could help people to actually learn that framework

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and do it in less time than i can so it was

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that shift of to legacy mode of what do i actually want to leave behind

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and that kind of like zooming out and bigger picture of this is

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so much bigger than you what's your purpose like what's your impact 100

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and so then you know i looked at okay i found my voice i found my voice

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and i kept asking myself the question what does

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that mean though nimi what does that mean and

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so it was identifying what was truly me and i created something called the voice layer theory

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after doing all of my kind of like looking back

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and you know how can i build this

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and how can i teach this to other people

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and the easiest way to describe it is that when you're when you're born

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uh in your most you know developing early years the biggest influence on your voice from the get-go

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your parents right your mom or your dad

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or your guardians whoever is is raising you and on top of

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that then say you've got your voice here you've got the parents on top then on top of

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that we go to school we've got teachers we've got other students on top of

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that we're consuming media tv radio on top of

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that now in a world of social media where millions of voices are influencing us, telling us what we should feel, what we should think, what our opinions should be on certain things.

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And what I realized is we're there at the bottom, we're the foundation, but the, all these layers are building up on top of us.

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And what's happening is our own voice is getting diluted.

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So I don't know about you, but like in any situation, even with my partner, I say something and I'm like, that wasn't me.

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That was my mom.

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Yeah.

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Oh yeah.

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That's a big one.

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He's actually been good calling me out being like yeah

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that was your mom yeah and i'm so glad he does

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because we sometimes we do need that you know when i'm

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when i'm with a friend and she's like what do you want to have for dinner

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and i'm like oh sushi and she's like oh yes let's go for sushi and i'm like

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nimi did you want sushi or do you just know

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that she loves sushi

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so you're going for sushi you're like damn should pick the

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ramen right obsessed with ramen by the way obsessed um

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so it was all of these things have we got

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so many people influencing our voice and what we don't do

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and what we've never been taught from a young age is

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that our voice is its own nucleus we kind of just think it's a default

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and a given but your voice is your greatest asset it is one of the core things

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that help you to communicate who you are to the world

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how can we haven't done the groundwork in identifying what that voice is.

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So there's a way to kind of identify that and break all those layers down.

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And it takes a lot of time.

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I'd love to sit here and say, okay, okay.

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I can, you can do it overnight.

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Yeah, yeah.

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But it took me a lot of time.

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And what I did was first was isolate my voice.

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So that was taking myself away for like a week or so.

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When I say taking myself away, I wish it was going to like some private island no

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it was just not consuming social media detox it was exactly

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that detox and then also just not talking to a lot of people for a week

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which is amazing by the way

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and we all need to do it we need to just sit with ourselves for a

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while and i started questioning everything question everything if i

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if you walk away with anything if you're listening right now

436

and you walk away with anything today is just question every decision you make, every thought you have, every opinion and feeling you have.

437

Why do I feel that way?

438

How come?

439

How come that's what you chose?

440

I started even questioning like the tiniest things from what do I want to have for dinner?

441

Okay, why are you choosing that?

442

Why Nimi?

443

And it can get really tedious, but the point is that

444

that's the only way to break through because then you start realizing why you start making these choices.

445

Is it you or is it someone else highly influencing it?

446

What's the source?

447

What's the source?

448

And I got to the point where I was like, journalism, I started questioning my whole career and my purpose.

449

And I was like, did I do it because my mom wanted me to do it?

450

Or did I want to do it?

451

And you have a bit of an identity crisis through it all, but that just means it's working.

452

It's really working.

453

So I isolated my voice completely.

454

And then what I started doing was evaluating the voices around me.

455

So the five closest people to me, you know, they say the, you are the average of the five closest people to you.

456

Okay.

457

Who, who are they then?

458

Let's actually identify them.

459

And let's actually recognize if they're a positive influence on my voice, if they are guiding my voice, enhancing my voice, are they helping it in any way,

460

or are they dimming my voice?

461

And so that's what made me really identify the people.

462

And then for me, it was just elimination, you know?

463

And I had to be pretty cutthroat because I'm like, this is, this is me.

464

This is my nucleus.

465

I have to protect my voice at all costs.

466

And I don't think we think of it that way.

467

And when I, when I interviewed Gary Vee, I asked him about that.

468

And I said, so how did you find your voice?

469

And you know, how, how would you share with other people that they can find their voice?

470

And he said, you know, I found my voice in the trenches of other voices.

471

And he said that my mom was such a positive influence on my voice.

472

And I just realized that other people's voices don't matter so much to me,

473

you know, and he completely isolated his voice away from everyone else to identify what it is.

474

And, and that to me was just like, okay, this guy knows what he's doing.

475

You know, they say never take advice from people who haven't already done it.

476

He's done it.

477

Right.

478

And so that those two things for me was isolating my voice

479

and then evaluating all the voices around me and then rebuilding, rebuilding the voices around you.

480

Okay, so who does make you feel good?

481

Who does enhance your voice?

482

And then that started to beef out the skeleton a bit of what it is that's truly me.

483

And I think that that's what finding your voice is.

484

And by the way, it's an ever evolving journey.

485

It is, I can't sit here and say to you, yeah, I found it.

486

I've mastered it 100%.

487

No, no, no. It changes every single day.

488

And sometimes other voices outgrow you too.

489

You know, we talk about friends outgrowing

490

and like you just meet each other at a certain path

491

and then you kind of amicably go your work in different ways.

492

But that's how I feel about certain voices as well.

493

And I just wish people saw our voices as external beings and not just a default within us.

494

I think this is so, so powerful and a really interesting thing for people to do.

495

And when you were kind of talking about the isolation piece, I was thinking in my head, this is going to be quite difficult because in the world we live in,

496

like no one lives in their own lane without any external stimulation

497

so i love that there's

498

that second piece of actually critically analyzing like who are those

499

five people you could even take it a step further

500

and be like what content am i consuming who am i following online

501

because i feel like even though even even

502

if you are not with somebody all the time if

503

that is someone you're listening to constantly like what are the things they're saying are they aligned for you

504

and this just to me is like screaming like it's like ultimate alignment because

505

when you can work out this is like such an amazing

506

blueprint for anything in life like to really like get down

507

to why you have certain beliefs about yourself why you make

508

certain decisions why you you know for people who struggle to set boundaries who feel guilty for doing things

509

or not doing things who doubt their own potential like these are all things i've struggled with

510

and i can just see the value in when you peel

511

that away and you're like what is the source where is the truth in my voice in this

512

and where have i layered on top of what other people

513

think yeah it's such a powerful way to work out what's

514

going on i just want to share one experience i had

515

last year that's actually really resonating with what you just shared

516

and i went to um greece for my sister's wedding last year in august

517

and i don't really drink that much alcohol

518

but in the last few years since moving here particularly it's been less and less

519

and less i mean it's a big part of the culture

520

in australia it's not something i do heaps i enjoy a drink

521

when i'm out but again not something i do regularly And when I went to Greece last year, just before that, I'd been doing a lot of work on myself, spending a lot more time by myself.

522

I call myself a retired extrovert.

523

I was that person that I used to hate being in my own company.

524

I'd always be like, I'd have like a hundred coffee acquaintances.

525

Like I was that person.

526

And since moving here, I've really embraced the value of being alone, hearing myself, creating that space.

527

So anyway, I went to Greece for my sister's wedding and it was a very social, beautiful, fun time.

528

Catching up with family obviously none live here

529

so it was a really nice time

530

and you know you're in greece it's summer you're having spritzes every day

531

that kind of experience when i got back i had a rude shock

532

because i realized how detached i was from myself it was like i couldn't not this dramatic

533

but like take it metaphorically like i couldn't feel my body

534

cues i like my intuition was nowhere to be found

535

and ever since

536

that experience every time i have had alcohol i feel like

537

i'm very hyper aware as to the thoughts i have

538

when i start to feel a bit tipsy how that changes how that voice changes

539

so you know i just wanted to bring it up

540

because i feel like even things you do or places

541

that you immerse yourself in can impact that voice

542

if it's not as direct as like somebody else's voice

543

and alcohol for me has been something i'm now like super attuned to as something

544

that disconnects me from my own voice yeah um so

545

that was just a really weird experience i had i don't know

546

if you i don't know if you drink at all

547

if you've had a similar experience yeah no when you were speaking about

548

that it what made me kind of resonate with

549

that is every time i go home and i'm surrounded by people

550

that make me disconnect with myself because you know living away from home for

551

so long when you go back to the place

552

that you grew up a lot of you know a lot

553

of people here in the the UAE could probably resonate is

554

that then you surround yourself with the people who know the old you.

555

And so you regress almost.

556

You literally go back to that little girl.

557

And I feel like every single time I go home, I go back to that little girl and I'm again, that insecure, timid mute.

558

And then I come back to Dubai and I have to almost relearn myself.

559

Yeah, it's crazy.

560

It's such a weird experience.

561

Reintroduce myself.

562

And so that goes for drinking, that goes for people.

563

And that just tells you the people, the things that you should not be consuming.

564

That's across the board.

565

And so I think that those, again, that level of awareness for you to come home and like recognize that is huge.

566

Yeah.

567

I had a guest on once and she was talking about how

568

when you go and visit family and you've been away for so long and you've created your own life, there's this like anxiety or fear or actual reality of regressing back into,

569

she was talking about in the context of a family dynamic

570

but you have a role to play in your family and

571

that was growing up right you might have been the person

572

that lashed out you might have been the person

573

that copped all the comments from someone you might have been

574

the adjudicator like everyone has a role in a family and

575

when you're in that dynamic you almost regress back into

576

that role even if you've done a lot of work to kind of evolve

577

and grow out of it

578

so it's just really interesting i think like some of these

579

things you you know i'm always going to go home

580

and visit my family i i'm not at the stage where I've like cut out alcohol for life, but it's just having this awareness.

581

And now when I am doing these things, I'm a lot more intentional because I know the impact it has on my voice and my, you know, my intuition, my connection with self.

582

So, yeah, I just wanted to bring that up because it really like reminded me of what you were just sharing.

583

And I think the framework you've shared is really, really valuable just like into anything, to be honest.

584

Yeah, absolutely.

585

I asked you the other day before you came on the podcast today.

586

I asked you if there was anything you'd been ruminating on thinking about

587

because I'm the kind of person where you might hear me

588

talking about a lot of things on the show people will hear like similar themes coming up

589

but I'm always I'm the kind of person

590

that like ponders on a lot of things like 24-7 I'm like a ruminator yeah

591

so I asked you if there was anything you'd been thinking about

592

or like just talking about generally and there were a few things

593

that really stood out to me from what you shared the first one is this difference between being nice

594

and being assertive

595

and this is something i've struggled with as someone who i

596

think grew up as a people pleaser trying not to ruffle

597

any feathers trying not to come across as rude right always be the nice person always be the bigger person

598

but that's meant i haven't been assertive in moments where i should have probably stood up for myself yeah

599

so how have you been thinking about this juncture with being nice and being assertive?

600

And is there like a happy medium?

601

Yeah, yeah.

602

I think, you know, I had to completely dissolve the idea that I had that it's either being nice or being mean.

603

And I thought those are my only two options.

604

And especially as a woman, I feel that for us, we do have different approaches, especially now as an entrepreneur.

605

I'm speaking purely as an entrepreneur, that being in the room and, you know, having conversations religions that,

606

you know, uh, up to the progress of your company.

607

And, you know, you're talking about bigger things that are bigger than you that I feel, I felt just really uncomfortable with, with that.

608

I'm not kind of like you.

609

I was like a people pleaser.

610

I was just, you know, I just want to be nice.

611

That's the only way I know how to operate is to just be kind.

612

Uh, my dad, you know, when we were growing up, my mom and dad always just said like, I don't even care what religion you are.

613

Just be a good person.

614

Just be a good person.

615

And that has how, that was just how me and my sister have been raised.

616

So then specifically in the media industry, I really struggled with it, really struggled with it because, you know, I am, I actually, I'll share a story with you.

617

I had a hairdresser at the TV studio and he's left now.

618

And on his last day, he took me to the side and he was like, you know, I absolutely love you, but I have to share something with you.

619

I have to tell you something.

620

If there's one thing that I leave with you.

621

This is it.

622

So yeah, she'll go for it.

623

And he goes, you need to stop being so nice.

624

You just need to stop.

625

And I was like, why do I, what?

626

I thought he was joking.

627

And he said, yeah, you need to be a bit of a bitch around here to be respected.

628

And I just sat with that for a while because I was like, well, hang on a second.

629

That's not the way I operate.

630

It would be really alien for me to try to be that, to be respected.

631

Because, you know, there are people in the world, in the industry who do navigate themselves in that way.

632

And I sat with myself and I was like, yes, 100%.

633

They probably get their stuff done for them in a better manner, in a quicker, more efficient manner.

634

Because the people that are doing it for them operate from fear, not from love for them.

635

It's from absolute fear.

636

Yeah, that's not respect.

637

It's not respect.

638

And that's not what I want whatsoever.

639

And I am, I went to a friend of mine who's in the industry in the US and I was like, they've told me this, what do you think?

640

Because at the same time, I was experiencing a lot of disrespect, a lot of undervaluing.

641

And I thought in that moment, I was like, Yeah, you know what, I'm gonna be this, I'm gonna be that that hard nut.

642

obviously it was just like in the spur of the moment

643

and the adrenaline rushing it just wasn't true to me

644

but I think that what I have figured out

645

and what I'm still learning to this day is the difference between being kind

646

and assertive I think that you can still be kind with it

647

but still be very clear and concise about what it is

648

that you want and I think that I got muddled with

649

that I thought you know as the talent that you know oh I don't want anyone to think I'm difficult.

650

I don't want anyone to think I'm a diva.

651

As women, we get labeled so easily.

652

Diva, bitch, difficult is what we get.

653

If a man does it, it's, wow, like he's got something about him.

654

He's powerful.

655

He's strong.

656

Whereas we get labeled completely something different.

657

And so that kind of balance, I've literally been trying to just weave in to my everyday interactions.

658

And that has been stopping myself.

659

I've literally been stopping myself from just being the yes person and stripping it back.

660

And that's a, that's a, you know, a quality of a highly confident person is the ability to respond and not react.

661

So responding means taking your time.

662

It means not waffling.

663

It means understanding and treating your words like gold, that you don't need to say a lot.

664

You just need to keep it concise, keep it tight and get your message across in the right way.

665

And as a woman, I just feel like I have been learning to, and I've been burnt along the way.

666

I mean, I'm sure you can share some stories, but I have really learned the hard way of being too nice because people also walk all over you.

667

Yeah.

668

They take advantage.

669

They treat you terribly because they're like, oh, she'll be fine.

670

Yeah.

671

Oh, Nimmy won't mind.

672

She'll say yes.

673

Yeah.

674

She never minds.

675

That happens all the time.

676

And so I'm just learning now that, you know what, Nim?

677

There's a way to be kind and super nice with it and respectful.

678

But you just need to be very clear about what you want and then you'll get the outcome you want as well.

679

Yeah.

680

I think it comes down to me what you said at the very beginning, which is being assertive or sorry, what did you say?

681

You said being kind and being mean aren't the two options, right?

682

And being assertive doesn't mean you're being mean.

683

Yeah.

684

It actually, for me, comes down as well to like communicating your boundaries.

685

Right.

686

And I think if we even go back to what we're talking about before, if you strip down and come to source,

687

it's like, well, why do I feel the need to put this person's comfort or desires above my own?

688

Because that's what people pleasing is.

689

It's saying yes to someone else and saying no to yourself.

690

And when I had that realization, I was like, this is ridiculous.

691

I would never expect somebody else to say no to themselves and yes to me just to make me feel better.

692

Like it's their life.

693

Like, yeah, if they said no to me, it actually doesn't really change that much about my life.

694

I think we conjure up this story

695

so many times of like how much impact we're having on other people when we say no. But it's like, honey, you're the character of your own story only.

696

Like everyone else is just going to get on with their lives.

697

Like you don't have they don't care about you as much as what you think they do, which is the harsh truth.

698

Like something I had to realize as well.

699

But yeah, I've had a lot of scenarios where in the last few years, the more aligned I'm feeling,

700

I'm able to not defend myself, but I think just be assertive in what I want and what I will not tolerate.

701

I think I've had more experiences in that realm where if I had responded in the moment, if I had not taken my time, it could have been emotional,

702

reactive, but taking your time and just responding in a way

703

that feels aligned for you i have a specific scenario in mind

704

which i won't go in detail about

705

but it was a bit of like an explosive interaction with somebody via text

706

and you know people are saying reply like this

707

and say these angry things and use like you know swearing and emotion

708

and that's just not me i my tolerance for anger like

709

i just it's not an emotion i really express like i've got an italian family

710

which may be very surprising that i don't carry that trait

711

but my sisters you know they're very loud and they they like yelling

712

and that's just how they express themselves but

713

that is not true to me yeah and so

714

when i've been in those moments where i've had all the emotions sitting behind it

715

but i don't outwardly respond that way

716

and it's almost like expected i just take my time with it

717

that feels more aligned for me but in the same vein sometimes

718

that means i just don't say anything at all yeah

719

and that's me being too nice

720

because i don't want to you know kick the can further down the road

721

or continue the explosive kind of interaction

722

so i think it's an interesting one to think about like

723

at what point do you assert yourself in a way that's aligned for you

724

and i think it just comes down to delivery yeah right

725

because yeah absolutely and i think that it goes back to our previous point

726

when we talk about finding your voice it's that am i reacting

727

or responding it's like having that check-in with yourself you know

728

and questioning yourself was that a reaction or was

729

that an actual response

730

and you know even in professional settings sometimes even in social settings we feel

731

so pressure to like give an answer on the spot

732

or respond straight away and just take a beat just take a beat take a breath

733

and then you know what even

734

if you don't know the answer you know what i'm not quite clear on

735

that let me get back to you yeah because your words have value

736

so don't just give them away willy-nilly you know think about it

737

because you'll walk away and thinking why on earth did i say

738

that that's not even what i was thinking or feeling

739

so give yourself that grace to be able to just like take a moment and move with it.

740

And then just like the last thing I would say on

741

that is just that it goes back to one of our previous points, which is like relationships is everything.

742

And so I never, I never want someone to walk away from a human to human experience

743

and interaction with me and feel horrible.

744

It is something I am so conscious of in every single thing I do, whether that is walking onto the set and talking to the crew

745

and saying hello to them and thanking them for their time and energy all the way through to the director.

746

You know, it doesn't matter who it is.

747

I'm treating you exactly the same.

748

And I think that we lose sight of that sometimes in this like dog eat dog world.

749

And, you know, oh, we need to get on top of each other.

750

We need to be each other comparisons and stuff.

751

I'm like, when it comes down to it, when I'm 90 years old, what am I going to remember?

752

I'm going to remember the beautiful people and the beautiful experiences that I had with people, the memories, the good times.

753

And that's what I want to leave with people.

754

I never want someone to walk away from me thinking, oh, gosh, she's a bit, you know.

755

And I think that with that being said, you want to leave a good impression and a good feeling with them, but in protecting yourself at the same time.

756

Yeah.

757

I think that can be challenging when you come across personalities or people that do have that dog-eat-dog world attitude and they're, like, coming at you, right?

758

And, again, like, there's this thing called projection, which means it may not even have anything to do with you.

759

You might just be in the firing line that day.

760

But I think this is when the power of finding your own voice is

761

so important because you will come across different kinds of tornadoes, I call them, in life.

762

And really at the end of the day, like you don't need to match their energy because if you're aligned and like centered in your own voice, in your own energy, you just respond from a way that's authentic to you.

763

But that, again, takes time and your voice is an evolving thing.

764

People's voices around you are evolving thing and you grow and change.

765

So just like constantly doing that and some of the beautiful tips you've shared so far, I think are really useful for people to just check in with themselves.

766

It's all about that regular check-in, creating space for that regularly.

767

Like I do that through spending time on my own, which is something I've learned over the last few years or meditation or, you know, I live in my head a lot.

768

I like to journal like kind of notes on my phone.

769

People have different outlets.

770

Do you kind of have something that?

771

Yeah, I live in my notes app and a lot of photo albums.

772

so you know even when i'm feeling kind of like low in self-confidence

773

or i'm kind of having my my doubts of who i

774

am why am i here what am i doing you know we all have those crises 100

775

and it happens regularly yeah um i have a photo album called my wins

776

and i take photos from tiny little things to oh i

777

actually made dinner this week all the way through to hosting

778

one of the biggest events of the year it ranges

779

but what i like to do is

780

that is my reminder album i just skim through those photos

781

and I'm like you did that you did

782

that no one else did it you did it

783

and it's just a tiny little reminder to me

784

that hang on a second yes you're thinking way in the

785

future of like I'm not where I want to be it's

786

2024 I should have x amount I should be doing this

787

I should be hosting this many things no let's look back

788

and see how far you've come

789

and these kind of little just this one technique I share with my community is creating a my wins album

790

and that's all it takes if you're not a visual i'm very much a visual person

791

so looking back at the photos

792

and videos totally shift my perspective sometimes it's just on your notes sometimes it's just listing out my january wins

793

and then saying this is what i did this month

794

and i'm really bloody proud of myself for that so recognizing that and

795

and what we were talking about earlier was kind of like

796

loud confidence versus soft confidence you know you're speaking about your sisters

797

and how they're quite fiery that's loud confidence

798

but then there's others of us that would consider ourselves introverts that have

799

that soft confidence we don't come across the loudest in the room you know we're not the most attention-seeking individuals

800

but in my opinion i am the most confidence

801

when i'm in my introvert mode like i call myself a bit of an extrovert introvert

802

because i am both and i and different scenarios

803

and situations bring different versions of me out

804

but i think what is a misconception is the loudest person

805

in the room is the most confident oh yeah right absolutely not If anything, when now when I'm in a social setting and someone is super loud, I have so much compassion for them.

806

Because I'm like, there is something, there is something a lot deeper there that you think looks like, oh, my God, wow, I want to be them.

807

No, there's always something there.

808

You know, I kind of like feel a bit for them because I'm like, there's a reason they're seeking the validation, the attention.

809

And I think that we need to recognize that as individuals.

810

We don't have to be the loudest in the room to be the most confident at all.

811

Yeah, absolutely.

812

And just to kind of circle back to your album of wins.

813

Yeah.

814

I'm glad you brought up for the less visual people because I think I'm more like written word style.

815

I have an Excel sheet, which is very corporate of me, but it's just because it's kind of tied in with a couple other things I'm tracking, so to speak.

816

But I have like a wins list.

817

And so whenever something happens, big or small, doesn't matter, I'll put it on the list.

818

And again, it's something I can go back and reflect on

819

and the best part about doing this whether you pick a

820

photo album whether it's in your notes whether it's on an

821

excel sheet is once you know you are feeling something out

822

you have something to add to you start looking for those

823

things yeah it's not like oh it's the end of january

824

what did i achieve i need to write something out yeah

825

if you know that's coming up it helps you it kind of like activates something

826

and you start looking for things to be grateful for

827

or proud of yourself for because you've put it on your radar yeah

828

and then it becomes the you know it doesn't matter how

829

big something small is you're like oh this can go on my list

830

or this can go in my album

831

and that's a really beautiful practice to have and all

832

that does is just build your confidence it builds your you know just self-assurance

833

that hang on i i did all this i can move forward

834

and just sit if you are feeling low

835

and self-confidence sit with it as well i never tried to push myself through it you know

836

if i'm feeling rubbish

837

which i was this week a lot um i was just kind of like oh you're this you're

838

that you know like really talking myself down and then only when i sat with that that I gave myself 24 hours.

839

I was like, sit with it, feel it all, because then you're going to be feel great tomorrow and you'll feel grateful for the rise up.

840

And, you know, I wouldn't say push yourself through it.

841

I would just say, move with it, move with all the emotions.

842

And then the next day, just get back on it.

843

Absolutely.

844

If I ever have a day, you know, it's generally once a month, have a big crying day.

845

Yeah.

846

I always feel so good the next day.

847

It's like, you just let something go, but just like emotions are all um they're all temporary yeah

848

you know nothing lasts forever yeah just feel it let it do its thing

849

and i think the more raw you can get with yourself the the bigger the bounce back almost

850

and it's just that's the ebbs and flows like even

851

when i talk about life balance it's never trying to achieve

852

this you know holistic middle level state where you're never dealing with things you need the lows

853

because it's a point of reference for the high moments

854

and sometimes low moments are points of change or points of reflection

855

and everything serves its purpose there's a beautiful harmony between these binary moments in life

856

and you know having um i worked with a therapist for a few years she was a high performance coach

857

but we did a lot of like psychology

858

and she was amazing one of the things she taught me was having a cookie jar

859

which is effectively your photo album of wings

860

or a guest a few weeks ago called it a book of winds

861

so have those things where you track and you look

862

and you have

863

that activation to be like what am i going be proud of myself for today this week this month yeah

864

but i think this is a beautiful place to leave our

865

conversation i really really enjoyed our chat we could go on

866

for hours honestly this will not be the last podcast

867

so thank you so much for your time and i'm

868

so looking forward to seeing what then this year

869

and beyond brings for you thank you so much for having me

870

and i've absolutely loved this conversation so thank you for your time my pleasure thank you

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शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

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इस पाठ के बारे में

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?