शैडोइंग अभ्यास: how to be so magnetic it feels illegal - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

We spend $450 billion on beauty products every single year,

⏸ रुका हुआ

गति:

322 वाक्य

यदि वाक्य बहुत छोटे या लंबे हों, तो समायोजित करने के लिए Edit पर क्लिक करें।

We spend $450 billion on beauty products every single year,

endlessly scrolling through filtered faces on Instagram and trying to match a beauty standard that's literally physically impossible to reach.

And yet some of the most magnetic people in history didn't fit the conventional beauty standards of their time at all.

Think of people like Marilyn Monroe, Cleopatra, Maya Angelou.

And instead it was down to them mastering a few simple psychological shifts.

And science tells us that actually these traits are completely trainable and you can actually learn to become more magnetic.

If you're new here, my name's Izzy.

I'm a mum, a tech founder,

and Cambridge Train Doctor, and on this channel,

we explore the mindsets and strategies to help you create a life that you love.

When it comes to being magnetic,

the people who have truly masked this art usually make others around them feel both seen and also more alive.

So today, we're walking through the psychology behind real magnetism

and six simple shifts in each category that make you instantly more attractive from the inside out.

And these are shifts that I've experimented with in my own life,

and honestly for me, number five really changed the game.

And to accompany this video,

I've created a completely free set of exercises for each section,

so if you'd like to check it out,

I've left a link in my description down below.

Without further ado, let's dive in.

So what exactly is magnetism?

I like to think of it this way.

Magnetism is the felt experience of being in the presence of someone who makes your nervous system feel safe,

your sense of self feel significant,

and your spirit feel more alive.

And we naturally want to be around people who make us feel this way

because it feels great to feel seen and to feel alive.

When we make someone feel seen we make them feel witnessed,

accepted and like they matter.

And the alive piece is this contagious spirit and joy and connection.

So now let's get into the first shift.

Before you can be magnetic and present with others you actually have to be present with yourself.

And that's because presence is physical, psychological and spiritual.

And so this is all about how you inhabit your body and mind and move through space.

And this stems from the fact that any connection with others needs to start with actually you being connected to yourself.

Present in your body, relaxed,

comfortable, unhurried, confident, no rushing here.

This means that we're starting from a place that we're here for ourselves,

not to manage how others perceive us.

Marilyn Monroe is one of the most studied examples of physical presence.

At the time she wasn't considered conventionally beautiful,

but she redefined what beauty meant just by the way that she held herself.

She was known for entering rooms slowly, deliberately, with complete ease.

No rushing, no performance anxiety.

Director Billy Wilder once said

that she had the ability to make the camera feel like it was the only thing in the room.

And that doesn't come from your face or the way that you look,

it actually comes from the quality of your presence.

One story that I love is the potato sack story,

where a journalist described one of her dresses as tacky

and vulgar and that she would have been better served wearing a potato sack.

And so instead of getting defensive or embarrassed by the criticism,

She actually leaned into it with humour and self-assurance,

where she actually wore a potato sack and did a photo shoot with it,

and she looked incredible.

The way that she held herself,

the way that she responded to the situation,

actually turned this into a huge win for her.

And so through doing this,

she literally proved that she could look great wearing literally a potato sack.

And if you look at the pictures of her photo shoot,

her posture, the way that she holds herself,

hands on hips, shoulders back,

head high, smiling, confident, comfortable,

relaxed, open body language, this is exactly embodying presence.

And so next time that you enter a room,

take a breath before you go in and enter it with presence and intention.

And this realization actually really helped me when I was struggling with social anxiety when entering a room,

feeling a little bit nervous coming into a room.

I would just stop, pause,

take a deep breath into my belly,

and then remind myself that I can actually move slowly.

There is no rush.

Shoulders back, head up, and take a moment to actually take in the room when you enter it and look around,

see okay who is where,

and really knowing that you you are here for yourself.

You're not here to put on a show for others or perform for anybody else.

In the biggest meta-analysis ever done on power poses,

including around 10,000 people, researchers found that whenever participants took power or upright postures,

they didn't only feel better,

but they were actually more confident than if they shrunk themselves or were hunched over.

And it didn't matter whether you were a 50 year old man in the US

or a woman in her 20s in Hong Kong,

because these findings were true for both men and women of all ages,

literally across the world, across cultures.

In the definitive book of body language,

communication experts Alan and Barbara Pease painstakingly trawled through literally thousands of recorded sales negotiations from the and 70s and 80s.

And they found that in these face-to-face business deals,

body language made up between 60 to 80% of the communication that was happening.

They also found that it only takes four minutes for someone to form about 80% of their opinion of you.

And so much of this comes from this sense of presence.

And the second shift is attunement.

Attunement is the skill of tuning your attention to another person in real time so that they feel accurately seen,

heard, and emotionally met through your presence.

And so only from a place of being truly present in yourself Can you then actually attune to somebody else?

And there are a few behaviors that help you to embody this sense of attunement.

Firstly, no rushing to fill awkward moments.

It's not your responsibility to manage the emotions of others.

100

The next thing is to make eye contact.

101

Psychologists found that whenever a stranger actually looks directly at you in the eye,

102

you actually tend to feel closer and more similar to them.

103

Just a note here, this is not meant to be a scary, like, murderer stare.

104

This is meant to be a warm gaze where you're really seeing them.

105

The third shift is to be interested, not just interesting.

106

The most magnetic people aren't trying to impress you just by being interesting.

107

They're actually genuinely interested in you too.

108

This is the central insight from Dale Carnegie's classic book,

109

How to Win Friends and Influence People,

110

which completely changed the way that I view relationships and communication when I first read it.

111

And it's backed by everything in the warmth, competence literature.

112

And speaking of books and literature,

113

even if you've read a book like,

114

let's say, How to Win Friends and Influence People,

115

you don't always remember the bits that you actually want when you need them.

116

And so, for example, when prepping for this video,

117

even though I've read Dale Carnegie's original book at least two times from cover to cover,

118

to refresh my memory on the key points,

119

I actually turned to this guide from Shortform,

120

who are kindly sponsoring today's video.

121

If you want to check them out,

122

I've put a link in the description down below where you can get a free trial and $50 off the annual plan.

123

Essentially, Shortform is a digital library of super-powered guides to thousands of non-fiction books,

124

and one way that I use it is that if I'm about to create content,

125

film, or I'm writing an outline,

126

I can super easily search up a book in Shortform,

127

and within seconds, I've already got the quickfire summary right in front of me.

128

As you can see here,

129

there's a one pager which gives you the big picture of Carnegie's book in under 10 minutes.

130

And then if you want the specifics,

131

you can go in chapter by chapter with extra content,

132

commentary, and even exercises to really consolidate those concepts and hammer them home.

133

All of the content on Shortform is curated by their team of human editors and writers.

134

So it's quite a significant step up from your average AI generated summary.

135

And I'm someone who loves having a great structure,

136

which you might have noticed if you've seen some of my videos.

137

And every guide in short form is very well organized.

138

And so here it's sectioned by fundamentals,

139

likability, arguments, feedback, which meant that I was able to dive right into the exact parts that I needed.

140

And I ended up saving a whole bunch of time versus

141

if I had had to go back to the original book and tried to find any of my notes on that.

142

Essentially, I love short form and what they do.

143

And so if you'd like to try them out,

144

I've left a link in the description down below.

145

And that will give you a free trial and $50 off of the annual plan.

146

So now let's get back into the video.

147

And this was one of my key takeaways from Dale Carnegie's book.

148

Imagine that everyone you meet has an invisible sign above their head that says make me feel important,

149

and not through flattery but through genuine attention and curiosity.

150

And Carnegie wrote

151

that you can make more friends in two months by becoming

152

interested in other people than you can make in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

153

Another way to show that someone is important to you is to use their name.

154

Carnegie wrote that a person's name is the sweetest sound in any language to them,

155

and so if you repeat it when you first hear it and then use it naturally in conversation,

156

that signals to them that you matter.

157

And the neuroscience behind this is whenever you actually address someone by their first name,

158

their brain's cortico-subcortical auditory attention network gets activated.

159

Cortico-subcortical auditory attention network isn't the most catchy name that rolls off the tongue super easily,

160

but essentially what that means is

161

that part of our brain is dedicated to filtering any sound inputs and raising a little flag of,

162

pay attention this is interesting and so

163

when you use someone's first name then it raises this flag

164

of like oh pay attention this this is something about me this is something to do with me

165

and so it makes them feel seen

166

and it also grabs their attention the next thing is to remember small details about people follow up on things

167

that people mentioned weeks ago if you remember that oh so

168

and so actually has this event that they were planning this birthday party for one of their family members Oh,

169

maybe check in on, oh,

170

how was the birthday party?

171

And this is the highest leveraged social behavior that most people actually neglect entirely because it proves your interest was real,

172

not just performed.

173

And this proof is the difference between something that is a performed signal versus an honest signal.

174

The concept of an honest signal is something I learned about

175

when I was doing an intercalated year in biological anthropology during my Cambridge medical degree.

176

Honest signaling can be defined as when somebody's actions can honestly communicate a real trait

177

or intent because the signal is hard to fake or costly so it really reliably predicts what they actually are like.

178

A historical example of one of the most magnetic and influential women is Cleopatra.

179

And actually, Cleopatra wasn't conventionally beautiful.

180

Coins from during her reign show that she had sharp features and a long nose,

181

which at the time was not the beauty standard.

182

And I know beauty standards are changing all the time and they're a little bit arbitrary,

183

but yet two of the most powerful men at the time,

184

Julius Caesar and Mark Antony,

185

were both captivated by her and fell in love with her.

186

And beyond that, she held political power for decades through her charisma and intelligence.

187

Cleopatra spoke nine languages, and this wasn't because she had to,

188

but because she chose to speak to every foreign dignitary in their own language.

189

This is the ultimate honor signal of saying,

190

I see you, and I'm going to meet you where you are.

191

Plutarch, who was a Greek philosopher,

192

said that conversing with Cleopatra had an irresistible charm,

193

and the way that she interacted with others was naturally engaging.

194

She wasn't performing interests, she was actually educated,

195

curious, and genuinely deeply invested in the people around her,

196

and her real superpower was making people feel seen and understood and important and like they truly matter.

197

And that was the exact same insight that Carnegie had only 2,000 years earlier.

198

And there's a Chinese proverb about this,

199

which I think about a lot.

200

And it goes like this.

201

This proverb translates to when three people walk together,

202

there must be one who can be my teacher.

203

And essentially, it means that whenever you're with other people,

204

there's always something that you can learn from them.

205

And so whenever I think of this phrase,

206

it reminds me to have that beginner's mind when speaking to someone and recognizing that,

207

oh, this person has had a whole life worth of experiences and things that they've done and memories,

208

which I have almost no idea about.

209

And there is always something interesting and important about other people.

210

The second section is about making people feel alive.

211

The first shift here is to lead with warmth,

212

because most people wait to see if someone likes them before opening up.

213

But magnetic people flip the script and turn it on its head because they lead with warmth.

214

They assume connection and then they let the other person catch up.

215

So walk into a room assuming that people like you and leading with liking them back.

216

And this isn't actually naive,

217

it's a strategic emotional choice to lead and influence that dynamic.

218

Studies have found that warmth is the primary dimension that people assess you on.

219

Before they evaluate your competence,

220

your intelligence, or your status,

221

they're asking one key question,

222

is this person's intent towards me good?

223

And so one experiment that I ran was shifting my interactions with people from just a like polite acknowledgement,

224

which was my previous, to actively giving warm energy a smile and greeting them.

225

And I noticed that people immediately responded to warmth with more warmth.

226

And actually they want to be friendly and have connection.

227

You just have to go first.

228

Something that really helped me to train this muscle was having a regular compassion and loving kindness meditation practice.

229

And this is backed up by research where even just a

230

couple of minutes of loving kindness meditation can boost your feelings of social connection,

231

empathy, and positivity towards others.

232

It helps to rewire your default orientation towards warmth, compassion, and goodwill.

233

And that internal shift actually shows up subtly in your face,

234

your body language, your voice, without you even trying.

235

And this changed the game massively for me.

236

The second thing here is to be vulnerable and imperfect.

237

Because I used to think that if only I was flawless and perfect,

238

then people would like me and accept me.

239

Until I realized that this actually wasn't the case at all and is actually the opposite.

240

Times where I have tried to pretend like I had it all together ended up feeling more distant than

241

when I shared my imperfect, messy humanity and mistakes.

242

Because while perfection is impressive,

243

it can also either be intimidating or just keep people distant.

244

So remember when Jennifer Lawrence famously fell up the stairs

245

while accepting her Best Actress Oscar back in 2013 and that became an internet moment?

246

This is an example of the pratfall effect in action,

247

where they found that making small mistakes like spilling a coffee makes competent people appear more attractive precisely

248

because it shows that they are human.

249

And another thing here is that vulnerability signals security,

250

because only someone who truly feels safe and secure in themselves can afford to show those imperfections.

251

And that paradox is part of what makes it magnetic.

252

This doesn't mean oversharing or trauma dumping or being self-deprecating all the time or intentionally falling and spilling your coffee everywhere.

253

It actually just means being authentic and human in the small moments.

254

The third piece of aliveness is passion.

255

So in case you didn't know,

256

my husband, Ali, is absolutely obsessed with Harry Potter fanfiction.

257

And people kind of love this and find this interesting.

258

People who are genuinely lit up by something are more compelling to be around and actually just make us feel alive.

259

Because this passion is contagious.

260

And as humans, we love to feel brought to life.

261

Maya Angelou once said that people will forget what you said,

262

people will forget what you did,

263

but people will never forget how you made them feel.

264

And this is what aliveness actually looks like.

265

It's not about just having a hobby for a day,

266

but it's the accumulated energy of a life fully lived.

267

And you actually can't fake that.

268

Biographer Alex Haley once wrote about Maya Angelou that when she walks into the room,

269

you know she's there.

270

It's a palpable thing.

271

And that wasn't about how she looked.

272

It was actually about the life force and passion that she carried.

273

Once when she was interviewed on Oprah,

274

she was asked about this presence with which she walks into a room,

275

which she has become famous for.

276

And she responded, yes, all of my history as an African-American woman,

277

as a Jewish woman, as a Muslim woman,

278

I'm bringing everything that I ever knew,

279

everything good, strong, kind, and powerful.

280

I bring it all with me into every situation.

281

And so when I walk into a room,

282

people know that somebody has come in.

283

They just don't know that it's 2,000 people.

284

And there was a blog post that I once read which beautifully paraphrased Angelou's approach.

285

When you walk into the room with every positive word that anybody's ever said to you,

286

with every gentle hand that's ever laid rest on your body,

287

you walk into the room with every piece of art that has ever inspired you,

288

you walk into the room with every song that you love.

289

You walk into the room with your great-grandma's hands and your great-grandpa's determination.

290

You walk into a room with all of that and people will say that you have charisma.

291

Because it's this reminder that each one of us sitting here right now,

292

we are the product of an entire life.

293

So many people and interactions who have built us into the person that we are today.

294

And every time we walk into a room,

295

whether we recognize it or not,

296

we are walking into that room,

297

carrying all of this, bringing all of this with us.

298

And so this redefines charisma as not just a trick or a technique,

299

it's actually something accumulated through a life fully lived and a presence built from everything that you've absorbed,

300

suffered, loved, learned, and decided for yourself.

301

So it almost doesn't matter what the passion specifically is.

302

Someone who talks about their passion for 14th century ceramics with

303

genuine excitement is more magnetic than someone who doesn't have anything that brings them alive at all.

304

And so having these genuine interests,

305

intellectual pursuits, or other things like hobbies give you this texture and depth and conversational energy.

306

I actually made a whole video about hobbies if you wanna check it out,

307

I'll leave a link somewhere over here.

308

And so this aliveness dimension of magnetism is actually about the vitality that makes being around you feel activating rather than draining.

309

And so now that we've gone through these six shifts to make you the most magnetic version of yourself,

310

the next step is to take action.

311

So at the end of every single video,

312

I always invite you to choose at least two action points that you'd like to take forward and write them down somewhere,

313

whether that's on a notepad or in your journal or in the comments below or in an email to a friend,

314

the most important thing is execution.

315

And if you liked this video,

316

I think you'll enjoy this one right here where I share eight game-changing habits of top performers.

317

And since you've made it this far,

318

feel free to hit subscribe for more self-development videos every week to create a life that you love.

319

As always, thank you for watching,

320

take care of yourselves, and remember that the journey is the destination.

321

I'll see you in the next video.

322

Bye!

TRENDING

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।

☕ हमें एक कॉफी पिलाएं

आपके समर्थन के कारण ShadowingEnglish 100% मुफ्त है। सर्वर और AI की लागत अधिक है — आपकी कॉफी हमें आगे बढ़ने में मदद करती है! 🙏

PayPal के माध्यम से दान करें

ShadowingEnglish.com – अंग्रेज़ी शैडोइंग अभ्यास

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: how to be so magnetic it feels illegal - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

लोकप्रिय

इस पाठ के बारे में

मुख्य शब्दावली और वाक्यांश

प्रैक्टिस टिप्स

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: how to be so magnetic it feels *illegal* - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

ऐप डाउनलोड करें

इस पाठ के बारे में

मुख्य शब्दावली और वाक्यांश

प्रैक्टिस टिप्स

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: how to be so magnetic it feels illegal - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें