Pratica di Shadowing: how to be so magnetic it feels *illegal* - Impara a parlare inglese con YouTube
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We spend $450 billion on beauty products every single year,
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We spend $450 billion on beauty products every single year,
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endlessly scrolling through filtered faces on Instagram and trying to match a beauty standard that's literally physically impossible to reach.
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And yet some of the most magnetic people in history didn't fit the conventional beauty standards of their time at all.
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Think of people like Marilyn Monroe, Cleopatra, Maya Angelou.
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And instead it was down to them mastering a few simple psychological shifts.
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And science tells us that actually these traits are completely trainable and you can actually learn to become more magnetic.
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If you're new here, my name's Izzy.
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I'm a mum, a tech founder,
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and Cambridge Train Doctor, and on this channel,
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we explore the mindsets and strategies to help you create a life that you love.
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When it comes to being magnetic,
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the people who have truly masked this art usually make others around them feel both seen and also more alive.
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So today, we're walking through the psychology behind real magnetism
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and six simple shifts in each category that make you instantly more attractive from the inside out.
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And these are shifts that I've experimented with in my own life,
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and honestly for me, number five really changed the game.
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And to accompany this video,
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I've created a completely free set of exercises for each section,
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so if you'd like to check it out,
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I've left a link in my description down below.
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Without further ado, let's dive in.
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So what exactly is magnetism?
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I like to think of it this way.
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Magnetism is the felt experience of being in the presence of someone who makes your nervous system feel safe,
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your sense of self feel significant,
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and your spirit feel more alive.
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And we naturally want to be around people who make us feel this way
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because it feels great to feel seen and to feel alive.
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When we make someone feel seen we make them feel witnessed,
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accepted and like they matter.
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And the alive piece is this contagious spirit and joy and connection.
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So now let's get into the first shift.
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Before you can be magnetic and present with others you actually have to be present with yourself.
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And that's because presence is physical, psychological and spiritual.
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And so this is all about how you inhabit your body and mind and move through space.
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And this stems from the fact that any connection with others needs to start with actually you being connected to yourself.
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Present in your body, relaxed,
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comfortable, unhurried, confident, no rushing here.
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This means that we're starting from a place that we're here for ourselves,
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not to manage how others perceive us.
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Marilyn Monroe is one of the most studied examples of physical presence.
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At the time she wasn't considered conventionally beautiful,
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but she redefined what beauty meant just by the way that she held herself.
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She was known for entering rooms slowly, deliberately, with complete ease.
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No rushing, no performance anxiety.
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Director Billy Wilder once said
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that she had the ability to make the camera feel like it was the only thing in the room.
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And that doesn't come from your face or the way that you look,
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it actually comes from the quality of your presence.
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One story that I love is the potato sack story,
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where a journalist described one of her dresses as tacky
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and vulgar and that she would have been better served wearing a potato sack.
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And so instead of getting defensive or embarrassed by the criticism,
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She actually leaned into it with humour and self-assurance,
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where she actually wore a potato sack and did a photo shoot with it,
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and she looked incredible.
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The way that she held herself,
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the way that she responded to the situation,
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actually turned this into a huge win for her.
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And so through doing this,
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she literally proved that she could look great wearing literally a potato sack.
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And if you look at the pictures of her photo shoot,
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her posture, the way that she holds herself,
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hands on hips, shoulders back,
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head high, smiling, confident, comfortable,
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relaxed, open body language, this is exactly embodying presence.
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And so next time that you enter a room,
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take a breath before you go in and enter it with presence and intention.
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And this realization actually really helped me when I was struggling with social anxiety when entering a room,
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feeling a little bit nervous coming into a room.
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I would just stop, pause,
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take a deep breath into my belly,
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and then remind myself that I can actually move slowly.
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There is no rush.
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Shoulders back, head up, and take a moment to actually take in the room when you enter it and look around,
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see okay who is where,
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and really knowing that you you are here for yourself.
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You're not here to put on a show for others or perform for anybody else.
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In the biggest meta-analysis ever done on power poses,
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including around 10,000 people, researchers found that whenever participants took power or upright postures,
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they didn't only feel better,
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but they were actually more confident than if they shrunk themselves or were hunched over.
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And it didn't matter whether you were a 50 year old man in the US
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or a woman in her 20s in Hong Kong,
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because these findings were true for both men and women of all ages,
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literally across the world, across cultures.
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In the definitive book of body language,
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communication experts Alan and Barbara Pease painstakingly trawled through literally thousands of recorded sales negotiations from the and 70s and 80s.
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And they found that in these face-to-face business deals,
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body language made up between 60 to 80% of the communication that was happening.
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They also found that it only takes four minutes for someone to form about 80% of their opinion of you.
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And so much of this comes from this sense of presence.
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And the second shift is attunement.
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Attunement is the skill of tuning your attention to another person in real time so that they feel accurately seen,
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heard, and emotionally met through your presence.
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And so only from a place of being truly present in yourself Can you then actually attune to somebody else?
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And there are a few behaviors that help you to embody this sense of attunement.
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Firstly, no rushing to fill awkward moments.
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It's not your responsibility to manage the emotions of others.
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The next thing is to make eye contact.
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Psychologists found that whenever a stranger actually looks directly at you in the eye,
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you actually tend to feel closer and more similar to them.
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Just a note here, this is not meant to be a scary, like, murderer stare.
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This is meant to be a warm gaze where you're really seeing them.
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The third shift is to be interested, not just interesting.
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The most magnetic people aren't trying to impress you just by being interesting.
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They're actually genuinely interested in you too.
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This is the central insight from Dale Carnegie's classic book,
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How to Win Friends and Influence People,
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which completely changed the way that I view relationships and communication when I first read it.
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And it's backed by everything in the warmth, competence literature.
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And speaking of books and literature,
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even if you've read a book like,
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let's say, How to Win Friends and Influence People,
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you don't always remember the bits that you actually want when you need them.
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And so, for example, when prepping for this video,
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even though I've read Dale Carnegie's original book at least two times from cover to cover,
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to refresh my memory on the key points,
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I actually turned to this guide from Shortform,
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who are kindly sponsoring today's video.
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If you want to check them out,
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I've put a link in the description down below where you can get a free trial and $50 off the annual plan.
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Essentially, Shortform is a digital library of super-powered guides to thousands of non-fiction books,
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and one way that I use it is that if I'm about to create content,
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film, or I'm writing an outline,
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I can super easily search up a book in Shortform,
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and within seconds, I've already got the quickfire summary right in front of me.
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As you can see here,
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there's a one pager which gives you the big picture of Carnegie's book in under 10 minutes.
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And then if you want the specifics,
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you can go in chapter by chapter with extra content,
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commentary, and even exercises to really consolidate those concepts and hammer them home.
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All of the content on Shortform is curated by their team of human editors and writers.
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So it's quite a significant step up from your average AI generated summary.
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And I'm someone who loves having a great structure,
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which you might have noticed if you've seen some of my videos.
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And every guide in short form is very well organized.
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And so here it's sectioned by fundamentals,
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likability, arguments, feedback, which meant that I was able to dive right into the exact parts that I needed.
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And I ended up saving a whole bunch of time versus
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if I had had to go back to the original book and tried to find any of my notes on that.
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Essentially, I love short form and what they do.
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And so if you'd like to try them out,
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I've left a link in the description down below.
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And that will give you a free trial and $50 off of the annual plan.
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So now let's get back into the video.
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And this was one of my key takeaways from Dale Carnegie's book.
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Imagine that everyone you meet has an invisible sign above their head that says make me feel important,
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and not through flattery but through genuine attention and curiosity.
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And Carnegie wrote
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that you can make more friends in two months by becoming
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interested in other people than you can make in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
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Another way to show that someone is important to you is to use their name.
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Carnegie wrote that a person's name is the sweetest sound in any language to them,
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and so if you repeat it when you first hear it and then use it naturally in conversation,
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that signals to them that you matter.
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And the neuroscience behind this is whenever you actually address someone by their first name,
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their brain's cortico-subcortical auditory attention network gets activated.
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Cortico-subcortical auditory attention network isn't the most catchy name that rolls off the tongue super easily,
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but essentially what that means is
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that part of our brain is dedicated to filtering any sound inputs and raising a little flag of,
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pay attention this is interesting and so
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when you use someone's first name then it raises this flag
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of like oh pay attention this this is something about me this is something to do with me
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and so it makes them feel seen
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and it also grabs their attention the next thing is to remember small details about people follow up on things
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that people mentioned weeks ago if you remember that oh so
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and so actually has this event that they were planning this birthday party for one of their family members Oh,
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maybe check in on, oh,
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how was the birthday party?
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And this is the highest leveraged social behavior that most people actually neglect entirely because it proves your interest was real,
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not just performed.
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And this proof is the difference between something that is a performed signal versus an honest signal.
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The concept of an honest signal is something I learned about
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when I was doing an intercalated year in biological anthropology during my Cambridge medical degree.
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Honest signaling can be defined as when somebody's actions can honestly communicate a real trait
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or intent because the signal is hard to fake or costly so it really reliably predicts what they actually are like.
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A historical example of one of the most magnetic and influential women is Cleopatra.
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And actually, Cleopatra wasn't conventionally beautiful.
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Coins from during her reign show that she had sharp features and a long nose,
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which at the time was not the beauty standard.
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And I know beauty standards are changing all the time and they're a little bit arbitrary,
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but yet two of the most powerful men at the time,
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Julius Caesar and Mark Antony,
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were both captivated by her and fell in love with her.
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And beyond that, she held political power for decades through her charisma and intelligence.
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Cleopatra spoke nine languages, and this wasn't because she had to,
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but because she chose to speak to every foreign dignitary in their own language.
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This is the ultimate honor signal of saying,
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I see you, and I'm going to meet you where you are.
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Plutarch, who was a Greek philosopher,
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said that conversing with Cleopatra had an irresistible charm,
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and the way that she interacted with others was naturally engaging.
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She wasn't performing interests, she was actually educated,
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curious, and genuinely deeply invested in the people around her,
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and her real superpower was making people feel seen and understood and important and like they truly matter.
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And that was the exact same insight that Carnegie had only 2,000 years earlier.
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And there's a Chinese proverb about this,
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which I think about a lot.
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And it goes like this.
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This proverb translates to when three people walk together,
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there must be one who can be my teacher.
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And essentially, it means that whenever you're with other people,
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there's always something that you can learn from them.
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And so whenever I think of this phrase,
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it reminds me to have that beginner's mind when speaking to someone and recognizing that,
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oh, this person has had a whole life worth of experiences and things that they've done and memories,
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which I have almost no idea about.
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And there is always something interesting and important about other people.
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The second section is about making people feel alive.
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The first shift here is to lead with warmth,
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because most people wait to see if someone likes them before opening up.
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But magnetic people flip the script and turn it on its head because they lead with warmth.
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They assume connection and then they let the other person catch up.
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So walk into a room assuming that people like you and leading with liking them back.
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And this isn't actually naive,
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it's a strategic emotional choice to lead and influence that dynamic.
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Studies have found that warmth is the primary dimension that people assess you on.
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Before they evaluate your competence,
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your intelligence, or your status,
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they're asking one key question,
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is this person's intent towards me good?
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And so one experiment that I ran was shifting my interactions with people from just a like polite acknowledgement,
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which was my previous, to actively giving warm energy a smile and greeting them.
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And I noticed that people immediately responded to warmth with more warmth.
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And actually they want to be friendly and have connection.
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You just have to go first.
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Something that really helped me to train this muscle was having a regular compassion and loving kindness meditation practice.
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And this is backed up by research where even just a
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couple of minutes of loving kindness meditation can boost your feelings of social connection,
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empathy, and positivity towards others.
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It helps to rewire your default orientation towards warmth, compassion, and goodwill.
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And that internal shift actually shows up subtly in your face,
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your body language, your voice, without you even trying.
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And this changed the game massively for me.
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The second thing here is to be vulnerable and imperfect.
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Because I used to think that if only I was flawless and perfect,
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then people would like me and accept me.
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Until I realized that this actually wasn't the case at all and is actually the opposite.
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Times where I have tried to pretend like I had it all together ended up feeling more distant than
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when I shared my imperfect, messy humanity and mistakes.
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Because while perfection is impressive,
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it can also either be intimidating or just keep people distant.
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So remember when Jennifer Lawrence famously fell up the stairs
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while accepting her Best Actress Oscar back in 2013 and that became an internet moment?
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This is an example of the pratfall effect in action,
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where they found that making small mistakes like spilling a coffee makes competent people appear more attractive precisely
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because it shows that they are human.
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And another thing here is that vulnerability signals security,
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because only someone who truly feels safe and secure in themselves can afford to show those imperfections.
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And that paradox is part of what makes it magnetic.
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This doesn't mean oversharing or trauma dumping or being self-deprecating all the time or intentionally falling and spilling your coffee everywhere.
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It actually just means being authentic and human in the small moments.
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The third piece of aliveness is passion.
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So in case you didn't know,
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my husband, Ali, is absolutely obsessed with Harry Potter fanfiction.
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And people kind of love this and find this interesting.
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People who are genuinely lit up by something are more compelling to be around and actually just make us feel alive.
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Because this passion is contagious.
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And as humans, we love to feel brought to life.
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Maya Angelou once said that people will forget what you said,
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people will forget what you did,
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but people will never forget how you made them feel.
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And this is what aliveness actually looks like.
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It's not about just having a hobby for a day,
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but it's the accumulated energy of a life fully lived.
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And you actually can't fake that.
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Biographer Alex Haley once wrote about Maya Angelou that when she walks into the room,
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you know she's there.
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It's a palpable thing.
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And that wasn't about how she looked.
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It was actually about the life force and passion that she carried.
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Once when she was interviewed on Oprah,
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she was asked about this presence with which she walks into a room,
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which she has become famous for.
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And she responded, yes, all of my history as an African-American woman,
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as a Jewish woman, as a Muslim woman,
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I'm bringing everything that I ever knew,
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everything good, strong, kind, and powerful.
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I bring it all with me into every situation.
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And so when I walk into a room,
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people know that somebody has come in.
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They just don't know that it's 2,000 people.
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And there was a blog post that I once read which beautifully paraphrased Angelou's approach.
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When you walk into the room with every positive word that anybody's ever said to you,
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with every gentle hand that's ever laid rest on your body,
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you walk into the room with every piece of art that has ever inspired you,
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you walk into the room with every song that you love.
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You walk into the room with your great-grandma's hands and your great-grandpa's determination.
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You walk into a room with all of that and people will say that you have charisma.
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Because it's this reminder that each one of us sitting here right now,
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we are the product of an entire life.
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So many people and interactions who have built us into the person that we are today.
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And every time we walk into a room,
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whether we recognize it or not,
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we are walking into that room,
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carrying all of this, bringing all of this with us.
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And so this redefines charisma as not just a trick or a technique,
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it's actually something accumulated through a life fully lived and a presence built from everything that you've absorbed,
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suffered, loved, learned, and decided for yourself.
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So it almost doesn't matter what the passion specifically is.
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Someone who talks about their passion for 14th century ceramics with
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genuine excitement is more magnetic than someone who doesn't have anything that brings them alive at all.
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And so having these genuine interests,
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intellectual pursuits, or other things like hobbies give you this texture and depth and conversational energy.
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I actually made a whole video about hobbies if you wanna check it out,
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I'll leave a link somewhere over here.
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And so this aliveness dimension of magnetism is actually about the vitality that makes being around you feel activating rather than draining.
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And so now that we've gone through these six shifts to make you the most magnetic version of yourself,
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the next step is to take action.
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So at the end of every single video,
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I always invite you to choose at least two action points that you'd like to take forward and write them down somewhere,
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whether that's on a notepad or in your journal or in the comments below or in an email to a friend,
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the most important thing is execution.
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And if you liked this video,
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I think you'll enjoy this one right here where I share eight game-changing habits of top performers.
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And since you've made it this far,
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feel free to hit subscribe for more self-development videos every week to create a life that you love.
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As always, thank you for watching,
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take care of yourselves, and remember that the journey is the destination.
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I'll see you in the next video.
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Bye!
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Informazioni su Questa Lezione
In questa lezione, imparerai come sviluppare la tua presenza e il tuo magnetismo personale, elementi fondamentali per migliorare le tue interazioni sociali in inglese. Attraverso l'analisi di alcune tecniche psicologiche e pratiche, potrai apprendere a sentirti più a tuo agio con te stesso e con gli altri. Puoi utilizzare la trascrizione del video per esercitarti e migliorare le tue capacità di parlare in inglese in modo fluente. Allenerai la tua voce e la tua articolazione grazie a uno stile di apprendimento dinamico e coinvolgente.
Vocabolario e Frasi Chiave
- magnetismo: la capacità di attrarre gli altri grazie alla tua personalità.
- presenza: essere consapevoli e connessi con se stessi e gli altri.
- autenticità: la qualità di essere genuini e veri, senza cercare di conformarsi a standard esterni.
- essere visti: sentirsi riconosciuti e accettati dagli altri.
- rilassato: un termine per descrivere uno stato di calma e comfort.
- presenza fisica: il modo in cui occupi lo spazio intorno a te con il tuo corpo.
- spirito contagioso: un atteggiamento positivo e ispiratore che si trasmette agli altri.
Consigli per la Pratica
Quando ti approcci allo shadowspeak, è importante mantenere un ritmo che ti permetta di assimilare e ripetere le frasi con precisione. Inizia a leggere la trascrizione ad alta voce, cercando di imitare il tono e la velocità del video. Se il parlato del video ti sembra veloce, non preoccuparti; puoi rallentare la velocità di riproduzione. Concentrati sull'essere presente nel momento e sulla tua presenza fisica mentre parli. Mantenerti rilassato e sicuro è fondamentale. Non dimenticare di utilizzare l'ascolto attivo, prestando attenzione a come il relatore utilizza pause e intonazione. Questo ti aiuterà a costruire una migliore capacità di shadow speech, rendendo il tuo inglese sempre più fluente e naturale.
Ricorda, l'obiettivo è di non solo imparare l'inglese con youtube, ma di interiorizzare queste tecniche per diventare più sicuro e magnetico nelle tue conversazioni!
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.
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