~~Morioh Cho Radio~~ Hello I am Koichi Hirose and I will be your tour guide and the main character of- Looking for Josuke - What? - He’s not here - Who? - Camera follow me - a– - Josuke Higashikata!

Present! To assert dominance I will now detail miscellaneous strands of your history to your face You were born in 1983 from the parents Tomoko Higashikata and Joseph Joestar yes that one, Four years later you almost died from a fever that lasted 50 days and not to imply I deserve gratitude but I totally saved your ass there Anyways so Joseph is distributing inheritance but forgot that his healthy monogamous relationship Wasn’t actually the most healthy, whoops, also this, not a fan, don’t do that again Get up I’m not done with you You have what is known as a stand and they are the physical manifestation of blah blah whatever I’m not doing the spiel Josuke Higashikata’s Crazy Diamond: Punchy Anti-Entropy boy This is a picture of the mysterious man of water provided by Joseph’s camera-punching stand ability and I’m pretty sure he’s a serial killer but hopefully his only M.O is hydration who are you Why I’m also a main character sir!

Stay out of this …Actually you stay out of this too why am I even telling you this I will stab this woman with a knife!

WHATCHU SAY ABOUT MY GOTDANG HAIR - - GUH Wow, way to like, completely interrupt the mysterious man of water’s jive, not cool Gonna kill your family now, woobwoobwoobwoob It appears I have made a mistake Hey Jotaro?

- What? - You know that water guy?

UGGHH... I’m on my way My stratagem begins and ends with the effectivity of this foliage as a nyeh as a cloaking utility nyeh Anjuro Katakiri’s Aqua Necklace: Nourishment-less water Hey mom - - Not sure how I didn’t notice that!

I’m home- ACK Hey gramps- NOOOoOOooO Looks like you were too late and your healing ability can’t revive anybody from the dead …I mean… You know, unless you only juuust make it.

You know, heal them right as they’re about to die, THEN you’ll make it… But I guess now’s a bad time.

~~One funeral later~~ ~~Three days later~~ - HERE HE COMES - bblHhhUUEEHhhgh got him!

Disgusting!

Please, I can explain, I’ve got a wife and kids to murder - - Alright I deserved that While I am completely immobile I will detail a bit of handy exposition for your consideration: DIO had this bow and arrow Alright thaaanks for that we DEFINITELY didn’t need to interrogate HIM Jesus Christmas Christ Who lives in the spooky house? Could it be a ghost?

Silly Koichi, ghosts aren’t real!!

What are you doing here!!

Looking for the next villain!

He’s not here!

HUEHGH Then who was that?

Nobody! Hey where are you going!! I need to fight you with my stand!! ACK Okuyasu Nijimura’s The Hand: Mad for only having the ability to weld in a world populated by superheroes I have obtained the arrow there is only one of this is the only arrow Keicho Nijimura’s Bad Company: GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN GUN Observe as surviving the arrow strike gives you a stand!

Yes Koichi, save us with your new stand!

AH ...I’m not impressed I’m doing my best sir!!!

Koichi Hirose’s… Egg: LAID GACK We cannot let the arrow do any more damage!

And the bow too I guess even though it’s not doing any of the work but we’re not supposed to know that yet Wait! I’m not done being a villain yet!

SURPRISE Uh oh!

A shame he’s dead now, we only just learned about his goopy father!

ubububu! I apologize profusely for the prior assault would you mind if I became a main character!!

My goodness you got over that quick ~~Morioh Cho Radio~~ AHH AHH MY INNER STRENGTH HAS CROSSED A BOUNDLESS THRESHOLD Tamami Kobayashi’s The Lock: Gaslighting incarnate You cannot beat me, you hate yourself too much!

ああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ Koichi Hirose’s Echoes Act 1: Now… It’s annoying A call back!

Aaaaaaaaaaa hi Jotaro if you see me it’s not me bye I’M GONNA KILL YOU that wasn’t meee Toshikazu Hazamada’s Surface: Not anymore I apologize for the prior assault would you mind if I- YEAH I WOULD, actually. You were THIS CLOSE to ACTUAL MURDER ...But you can still have an episode with Koichi WHERE - Huh? - I FOUND YOU PASS ME A PAIR OF SCISSORS I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN DO IT MYSELF!!

Yukako Yamagishi’s Love Deluxe: This one goes out to my long haired folk: You know when you’re eating food or whatever and a single strand of hair gets caught in your mouth?

Yeah that GAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAH Koichi Hirose’s Echoes Act 2: Now it’s annoying... incarnate I will do absolutely nothing wrong!

Tonio Trussardi’s Pearl Jam: Absolutely nothing wrong I hope this isn't a timely realization but here I am playing a video games without yet seeing the stand stats screen of the known hostile electricity-themed stand WHATEVER COULD YOU BE TALKING AB- DUUEHHHGGHHHHH Akira Otoishi’s Red Hot Chili Pepper: Motorbikes run on electricity too you know Wait what?

OLD MAN JOSEPH MORE LIKE DEAD MAN JOSEPH THANKS FOR THE BIKE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AUGH You’ve beaten me!

Good job Okuyasu you’ve beaten him don’t do anything stupid!

They’re right I’ve been beaten don’t do anything stupid!

You’re trying to trick me!!

He’s on the ropes just leave him alone!

Any move I make is futile!

I think you don’t want me to hit you, therefore I should hit you!!

Please Okuyasu don’t be an idiot!

Don’t be an idiot!

HUARGH!! Well there goes another interrogation opportunity - WAAHH - BLEH...HELB Well never mind, but also never mind Hope they reach old man Joseph on the boat before thunderbird does!

Now seems like a good enough time as any to reveal myself!

My one weakness! Bleargh!

Well that wasn’t too bad!

Why Josuke I believe you’ve spoken- You shut your mouth - Now as- - WHAAAAAAAT??

Now as long as- WHAAAAAAAAAATTT??

As long as Josuke and Koi- WHAAAAAT I CAN’T HEEEAR YOU As long as they take out Red Hot Chi- - Hello! - Hello!

HE’S NOT FROM THE INCIDENTAL CHARACTER SPEEDWAGON FOUNDATION!

The what? WHAAAT?

Let’s have an episode together!

I’m game! ~~But first!~~ ~~Wait no not that~~ Found it!

~~Morioh Cho Radio~~ How would you feel about adoption?

I’m like five- OH NO!

hhehehHEHHEEhhghGHHhghEGHGHhghgggeGGEGGG AH AH HARGHH Shizuka Joestar’s Achtung Baby: AH Ready for my episode that’s enough adventuring for one day Hello child, let me write your biography!

Rohan Kishibe’s Heaven’s Door: When manga drawn by Heaven’s Door’s user is observed by any second party, they will be afflicted with its ability which will create openings over their body not unlike pages in a book. These pages will contain information on life events and knowledge of the afflicted party, readable by Heaven’s Door’s user. With a pen this information can be altered or additions can be made, including conditional removal of memories, or the complete understanding of an entire foreign language. When pages formed by Heaven’s Door are removed from the body, weight from the subject is lost, however no outside appearance changes can be observed when this action is made. Although initially the activation of Heaven’s Door’s ability requires a second party to observe manga drawn on a physical piece of paper, in future chapters Heaven’s Door’s user Rohan Kishibe learns how to manifest his ability without the prerequisite of viewing manga on a piece of paper. This ability however does not work on subjects who are not receptive to the user’s work, such as Josuke Higashikata.

AAaaAAaaAaAaAaAaAaA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY FRIENDS Why I am writing them biographies let me write your biography too stupid hair. Dumb stupid hair.

Your hair is stupid, and you are stupid for choosing to have that hair.

Idiot. You literal bastard.

You’re a big dumb idiot read my manga- UGGHHHH ...aaa would you mind if I became a main character- ~~Storytime: Why Josuke chooses to have that dumb stupid idiot hair~~ Hello I’m not Josuke! I will I’m not Josuke save you I’m not Josuke!

~~He’s not Josuke~~ It’s rat season.

- What? - We’re going hunting.

Why? It’s rat season, keep up.

Not Bug-Eaten’s Ratt: Melt bullets Got it!

There’s another one heal me Ew!

Bug-Eaten’s Ratt: Melt bullets ...Hit it Josuke JOSUKE HIT IT I’M AIMING I’M AIMING GHUHHHH - bleeh!! - Got it!

- Heal me - What?

FOR F’S SAKE HEAL ME JOSUKE AHH!! AHH!! AH AH ~~Now this story is about ghosts~~ Welcome to limbo! I’m Actual Ghost Reimi Sugimoto and this is my dog Actual Ghost Arnold BAP!

And we were murdered by a mysterious serial killer man with a hand fetish!

Oh thank goodness we were over four full episodes without a proper overarching villain, Come Koichi! Adventure awaits!

You sure did take to the protagonist role rather quick sir!

Oh right how do we leave - That way - Thanks But watch out! You are now in the bad alleyway!

If you turn around you will die times a million because of the grabby hands don’t turn around!

"Okay you’re good you can turn around now!" Hurrah- AHH Nope doesn’t count! Nope! See, I wrote it, says "Doesn’t count" That doesn’t count! Idiot!

And then he slapped me and called me an idiot!

Fun story, we should probably do something about it as soon as possib- Oooohh money!

I hate you but I love you but I hate you but I looove youuuu Shigekiyo Yangu’s Harvest: Banjo-Kazooie It looks like the only way to attain the love I so desperately desire is to become a main character myself!

WHO WILL BE MY FOIL??

Aya Tsuji’s Cinderella: Cinderella Have you watched Cinderella?

YEAH!?! ...Have you watched Spirited Away?

NO!?! - ...Good! - ~~Morioh Cho Radio~~ It’s picnic time… You will come with me!!

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I am 33 years old, my favourite colour is pink, I don’t like sleeping with the lights off, I HATE AMPUTEES and I’m a long-time serial killer who’s never been caught doing a killing ever Duwang- DAMNIT THIS SPIKY WALNUT WILL RUIN MY EVERYTHING IF HE OPENS THAT BAG I’m gonna open this bag!

- I want what’s in the bag! - I want what’s in the bag!

NNGUHHAAHHRHHGH …Where did it go Another day another concerningly narrow escape You have my sandwich!!

KILLER QUEEN …Where did he go Should we do something about the weird dying kid?

Naaaaaaahhh EUUAUUEUGUGHH HERE COMES THE SQUISHY GREMLIN WITH THE DRAMATIC DEATH SCENE FIRST I TOUCHED IT FIRST Yoshikage Kira’s Killer Queen: Laser beam missed the memo Hey Josuke look! My death wasn’t in vain! - Ruh roh! - Ruh roh!

Don’t worry Actual Ghost Reimi Sugimoto, we now have a lead that will hopefully maybe tie directly to the nameless serial killer the audience has a name for but we don’t yet Then we will find him and win the day, isn’t that right gang?

Right! WHOA OKAY I thought we only brought main characters to this actual ghost get-together Correct! Okay wait, who here- Put your hand up if you think you’re a main character ...Today’s been a long day ~~And so they searched-~~ Found it!

Don’t worry I got this …Uhh, the world?

… ...why isn’t this working- Yoshikage Kira’s Killer Queen’s Sheer Heart Attack: Killer Queen’s Hand’s Tank’s Heat-Seeking’s Explosives’s’s’s’s Why Jotaro! I believe my death is imminent!

Don’t worry I figured it out- Tah dahhh- UGH ...So that’s how it feels Oh no! Options have run low and J- AN AWAKENING B-A-Z-I-N-G-A Koichi Hirose’s Echoes Act 3: These heavy rhymes a-gonna make you bleed - Stop it! - Buh!

- Sock!! - - UARGH - - Hell yeah...! - - Whoa! - Whoa!

GNUARGH We got him now!!

...aaaAAAAAA AAA HAND ME THAT ElecTric KnIFE Another day another concerningly narrow escape ...Where did he go ~~Also the Cinderella lady just died- Morioh Cho Radio~~ Hello… Wife?

...Yes? ...Alright that’s one down I’ll figure the rest out as I go I was hoping searching Kira’s old house would provide results but all I’m finding are the ramblings of a serial killer ...Well I guess I don’t know what I expected Get my good side!

Now you’re trapped forever!!

Yoshihiro Kira’s Atom Heart Father: Banana Fairy Camera Found another one!

"You’re trying to trick me!" Oh no Okuyasu please- Freedom!!

...The things I put up with It’s more enemies time!

~~And then they fought more enemies~~ I’m an enemy!

Wh… Pfh- Okay Ken Oyanagi’s Boy II Man: ...Look, he’s trying his best Hello again… Wife… ...Shinobu Hello Shinobu, I waNT TO KILL YOU …Wait pretend I didn’t say that What a turn-on!

...Please tell me what my surname is Mikitaka Hazekura’s Earth Wind and Fire: Morph- Wait, he’s a what?

Okay… Hold on You have saved my life, I am eternally grateful!

A prime opportunity for exploitation!!

Rohan! Let’s play gambling!

Roll for luck!

Twenty! ...Roll for luck Twenty… Rollforluck- Twen- T... wait- ROLL FOR LUCK!!

UHHHHHH ~~And then Rohan’s house burned down- Morioh Cho Radio~~ And there was a man in the tunnel house who looked suspiciously like Kira even though I don’t actually know what Kira looks like yet Anyways hope you don’t get attacked by a weird feet stand and get caught up in a motorbike chase Yuya Fungami’s Highway Star: Weird feet stand is real and it is COMING FOR YOU AAAAAAAA nice! NOOOO nice!

Meow Disgusting!

...meow Tama’s Stray Cat: Dynamite missed the memo You are a dangerous and potentially useful synergy, with this knowledge I will use you for evil because I am evil I just hope that nobody finds out that I am actually evil!

...This isn’t good for my anxiety!!

~~And then… It was Thursday~~ Today will be a good day!

I gotcha!! Observe!

- Today I won’t be late to school! - It’s a big metal pylon!

- I gotcha too!!! - LET’S PUNCH IT Now you will be trapped forever aaAAAHHHhhhHhh!

Toyohiro Kanedaichi’s Superfly Not actually a fly Watch out, you’re in the process of being gotten, over there!

Ding dong~!

- Thanks for the tipoff! - Who are you?

I’m here to make money!

- Oh my god not another one - Koichi disappeared!!

- This calls for the unique skillset provided by weird feet stand man! - ...And why do you gotta be so weird about it I appreciate the help but - AHH THAT’S MY BAD SIIIIDE - ...I don’t appreciate the nickname don’t expect me to become - Hi - a main character for you - ...I hate this. I hate this. - I gotchaaa!!!

- Masazo Kinoto’s Cheap Trick: - Well I’m paggered, have a fun fight Yuya!

- The first reason why you should probably answer “No” - ueghh... I summon weird feet stand - to the question “Do you wish you had a stand” - Terunosuke Miyamoto’s Enigma: - Burn the photos Rohan! - Why’d you put that car there?

- Why you know about them is one question - ...That car goes here - - And why you have a stake in this conflict - at all is another completely valid question - AAA AAA AAA AAA AAA - Where to continue this investigation next, - Ruminating... - Ruminating... - Ruminating...

AAA Oh the irony!! gosh the starfish… they have legs - ...I should probably call Koichi! - ...I should probably go looking for clues!

- I don’t like it sir! - The next thing you will say is what!

- Alright, time for plan B! - What? - WHAAAAAAT?

- Let me leave, this neverending hell - GOD I REALLY WANT TO FUUAARCK - And now for my plan to come to fruition! - ...someone UUUP - MAKE WAY, MAKE WAY, MY THIRST WILL NEVER BE QUENCHED - You look like an absolute dolt sir!

- Aaahh, grabby hands, my one weakness!! - Mind keeping your voice down- - KILLER QUEEN - I’m having a GOTDANG PANIC ATTACK - Hey look, an anything!

...What was that noise This looks like a good place to investigate!

...Hmmm, I spot nothing… Let’s resume this investigation tomorrow!

YEAH HAHA NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT DAD’S JUST A UH UHHHHHH A CRAZY EXPLOSION SERIAL KILLER THIS IS FINE THIS IS FINE CHIIIILD - ...Hayato- - HAYATOOO Wait- Before you say anything- Don’t worry me killing you would be very bad for me so I would NEVER- "Hey not fake husband have you seen Hayato anywhere~?" Hey the joj group are investigating this house tomorrow! Also hi it’s me again!

I knew that this would happen why does this always hapPEN I THINK I’M GONNA HAVE A BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN I’m gonna go do something useful!

Up and ready to do some schooling haha dad’s a murderer! oh my god Hey fake dad so I dreamt I died last night and also you were a murderer Actually I didn’t dream that part and actually I didn’t dream that second thing either I’m repressing an unhealthy amount of trauma and terror it’s a wonder I haven’t had a heart attack yet!

I combed my hair Okay NGNGNNGHHGHGNHGHHHGH Technically this is the second time I’ve done this because otherwise the next scene wouldn’t make any sense But I guess I've suppressed that memory too this is healthy for an 11 year old I NEED HELP AAAAAAA Hmm... This kid’s face tells the future almost like this is the second time he’s done this "Dang" “Teehee” Up and ready to do some schooling haha I’m stuck in a time loop! oh my god Yoshikage Kira’s Killer Queen’s Bites the Dust: I got you babe COMPLETE GLOBAL ISOLATION!!

Isn’t it cool how my new ability activates and kills anybody who even talks to you about me, Kira, I am Kira, I win for I am Kira and you can’t tell anybody I’m Kira, I win!!

Also I am right right? You did just kill someone- I actually have no idea I’m just trying to read the room I think I’m having a stroke!!

Hey second caveat, destiny is destiny and destiny means "Dang" “Teehee” - Uh oh - Now go kill someone else important!

- Hi I’m Koichi - Resident sleepy boy Josuke Higashikata here! - I’m Jotaro - I'm Okuyasu!!

So we- Up and ready to do some KILLING SOMEONE’S GOING TO HELL TONIGHT FUCK OFF Hang upShatterBOOFDORAChooRainThunder* ...Where is everybody Thank goodness for the adrenaline, it’s helping me ignore the settling PTSD!

Oi Josuke I- BUARHK NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...What was that noise I have a new ability, also I have a new ability yes my belly opens up no it’s not weird Whoa whoa WHOA WHOA WHOA HEY Now to heal- aaAAAAAHHHHAAAAAaa Now to heal Okuyasu! Wake up!!

Give me a minute I’m going through an episode!! Bleh!!

Alright fine, Hayato, you’re coming too!!

Killed ya dad!

- WHAT - I’m back baybeee! ...Oh my god it’s Kira - It’s Kira?! - It’s Kira!!

I’m helping!

- Wait- - Uh oh - I’m helpi- - MARRY ME AND BE MY WIFE I ACTIVATE BITES THE DUARGH ZA WARUDO!

...Help me out I can’t seem to get this window open- ...Never mind now it’s open I THINK MY HHUAHRHGH Another day another concerningly narrow escape wait… Okay… Okay my memories are back SHIT W ct I y h* That’s no way to speak to AUGHGHHEH GRABBY HANDS I’M IN LOVE I THINK??

We did it! And in the only satisfying way that makes us not guilty of murder!

Thank you everyone I will now rest in peace forever!

- Have a good flight! - Aaaaah!!

I’m gonna burn through my coping mechanisms SO quick!

And thus closes a long and arduous story featuring bloodshed, a doctoral thesis and probably some other stuff too - ...What- - Also I’m a doctor now!

...Where am I? ...Is DIO still dead?

Yes, DIO is still dead.

We never have to think about him ever again.

…Unless he boned someone- Anyway time to go see my wife who I have a healthy monogamous relationship with!

...Showoff - But first! - HHHEEEEEEEEE- ~~PART 5 WHEN~~