शैडोइंग अभ्यास: loving yourself is lonely - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें
पाठ बनाया जा रहा है...
1
Sometimes when we decide to love ourselves, it means that we will be treating ourselves differently than we have ever been treated before.
2
And that can be isolating.
3
When a way of existing is no longer serving us, we feel stuck.
4
We feel like we're going in circles, coming to the same conclusions, and always ending up back where we started.
5
And sometimes it's easier to just accept that reality instead of creating a new one.
6
And that's what I'm talking about is how isolating sometimes creating a new one feels.
7
And maybe that is why we push it off.
8
And so this idea of self-love, I feel like sometimes it's a bit premature.
9
There is some stuff that kind of has to come before that.
10
I feel like it's not until you sort of stick it through with yourself, through ugly, dark, inconsistent times,
11
that you actually begin to learn what the whole of loving yourself even means.
12
Hi everybody and welcome back to Flowering Philosophies.
13
I am your host Anaya
14
and today I wanted to chat about how lonely the reality of loving yourself actually can be
15
because no told me the more that I started to heal or move towards my dreams like we're always talking about,
16
the more isolating it would feel.
17
And I'm not saying that the result or product of loving yourself is loneliness.
18
No, not at all whatsoever.
19
But sometimes the journey of getting there and what we must do,
20
breaking old habits or outgrowing certain relationships or mindsets, it can be isolating.
21
On this channel, we're always discussing how to level up
22
and to make the most out of our discipline and our awareness and this like emotional intelligence journey,
23
but the reality is whenever we start to embody these lessons
24
and we actually start putting these things into practice
25
and we start becoming aware of ourselves and what change we want to make
26
and where we want to heal and where we want to create anew.
27
When we start actually going down that path and that journey, it requires sacrifice and hard work.
28
And sometimes committing to that, it can be lonely because maybe nobody else wants to commit in the same way that you are, or it means that you kind of have to do it yourself
29
or do it in a way that's never been done before.
30
Sometimes when we decide to love ourselves,
31
it means that we will be treating ourselves differently than we have ever been treated before and that can be isolating.
32
It's very scary to be the first ones to treat ourselves with love or respect.
33
I want to talk about the whole idea of self-love
34
because it gets kind of repetitive and it's placed a certain sentiment in my head
35
that I've kind of had to deconstruct and realize that self-love doesn't really mean self-care and you know talking of ourselves highly.
36
Of course, like that is part of it, but that really isn't the core of the journey.
37
And I feel like we got to go through some unpleasant experiences
38
and feelings sometimes in order to develop that love and respect for ourselves.
39
And I feel like the journey kind of gets glamorized
40
and we're all sort of pushed into this idea of self-care and it's supposed to look so nice and relaxing and good, but sometimes it's the opposite of that.
41
Sometimes loving yourself and respecting yourself
42
and showing up for yourselves looks like the opposite of getting your toes done or getting a massage.
43
Like it's just so much more than that.
44
Sometimes when we decide to love ourselves, we are treating ourselves in a way that nobody has ever treated us before.
45
And that is scary and it's new and maybe it's confusing to others and ourselves.
46
It feels weird to embody love for ourselves if we weren't shown that we were worthy of that in the first place.
47
Even if we were shown love and compassion and respect, maybe we don't really feel that for ourselves.
48
But if we were never even given an example of that, if we never had people to look towards when it came to self-compassion
49
or a good representation of what love and relationships look like, or if we were never treated with love or respect,
50
or maybe it was shown to us that we weren't really worthy of the highest praise or of respect in general,
51
it's hard then to give that to ourselves if we were never shown that initially.
52
It's almost like we're teaching ourselves a whole new skill.
53
It can be daunting, it can be isolating, it can be confusing.
54
It's worth it, of course, and I knew that, but nobody told me how lonely and isolating the journey could be.
55
Diving into the world of bettering ourselves or respecting ourselves or loving ourselves, it's a courageous act to commit,
56
especially if we have never necessarily experienced that type of love and respect before.
57
But it is so worth it because it is one that changes our quality and perspective of life forever.
58
Sometimes the goal isn't to feel necessarily so positive or
59
so negative sometimes the goal is just to have a grounding neutral place of acceptance love
60
and respect for ourselves and i feel like i finally reached
61
that point where i do feel very positive feelings about myself
62
and i get to have those kind of exciting ego moments of course like we can all hype ourselves up
63
and have a good time but the reason i feel passionate about talking about this is
64
because i've reached kind of a grounding place with it
65
that i feel as though i can always come back to
66
and I just feel this foundation of love and respect for myself and for my dreams,
67
for my aspirations and that is something that has taken me a while to achieve.
68
Being able to consistently come back to that foundation is what has gotten me through life and changes,
69
loving and respecting myself at the core of all things, whether I am in a good mood and hyping myself up or whether I'm feeling insecure and terrible,
70
like having that grounding neutral foundation to come back to is vital.
71
And I want to talk to you guys about how I have formed
72
that and the realizations that have brought me to this point.
73
But like I said, I'm not saying that the result of loving yourself is loneliness.
74
In fact, I would say that the more we embrace the journey of learning to love and respect ourselves,
75
the more we attract company that aligns with our healthiest, happiest, best selves.
76
Like I feel like the more we continue to commit to that path, the more we will find others who align with us, that community will naturally form.
77
The more that we continue to commit to the things
78
that we love and the things that bring health
79
and betterment to ourselves you and that's the ultimate goal
80
so i'm not saying that loving yourself
81
and doing any of these things makes you lonely
82
but sometimes going through these realizations or making the mistakes
83
that provoke these lessons and these mindsets
84
or even the will to change can bring us into a state of isolation for a little bit
85
if it means that we've outgrown certain things in our lives or if we're just trying to create anew.
86
I talk so much about having a positive mindset and changing our mind, but whenever we're making all of this change, who is coming along?
87
Who is coming along with us?
88
Who's going to make the change with us?
89
And not everybody has to.
90
Like I say, like all of our journeys look different and we're doing it together ultimately, but going on that path of change,
91
sometimes it requires sacrifice and sometimes we outgrow our environments and situations and that can feel isolating.
92
We talk about how uncomfortable it can be sometimes to cultivate self-discipline
93
or to break out of traditional cycles or mindsets or patterns
94
and that discipline and that awareness is a form of respect and love to ourselves.
95
That drive and will to learn those things is literally the reason why you guys are here, why I'm sitting here and talking about these things.
96
That in itself
97
is a form of self-love and I think self-love shows up in so many different ways and so many different practices.
98
When we finally start committing to the work of making the change
99
that we want to see or when we start reinforcing positive thoughts into our lives
100
or we start going against the grain of maybe what we were taught because we're trying to create anew, we're trying to envision our dreams and our lives and the confidence
101
that maybe we were never taught maybe we're taking
102
that uncomfortable step towards self-discipline or towards dismantling insecurities
103
that kept us miserable or kept us in a place that we didn't want to be in.
104
When we start becoming aware of our jealousy or our pain, these realizations can feel isolating and maybe like we're the only ones going through it
105
or maybe we're the only ones putting ourselves through it because who wants to think about these things?
106
When we start to become aware of maybe what is weighing us down
107
or what we would like to change or where we want to feel love for ourselves.
108
When we start to become aware of these things, it starts to become very obvious where that exists in our lives,
109
like where we feel the most insecure, where we feel the most bad about ourselves, where we notice other people are being really mean to themselves.
110
Like when we start to bring this awareness to our lives,
111
we start realizing where negativity and maybe toxic behaviors exist in our experience,
112
where maybe we were sort of blind to that before
113
because we weren't looking at things through the lens of trying to come back to a place of love
114
and respect for ourselves.
115
When we start to become free of the things that are weighing us down, it becomes very obvious where we're still being weighed down, what is still holding us down.
116
It becomes very obvious when we're looking towards change and betterment.
117
It almost can bring negativity and toxicity to the surface when we start to create positive change or love ourselves.
118
That realization of you're outgrowing something or a behavior or a relationship, a city, a friend group, anything.
119
When you have that realization that, oh no, why am I not okay with being comfortable with this anymore?
120
I don't know if you guys have experienced that.
121
When you actually start moving towards the change that you say that you want and you actually start embodying
122
habits and traits that you've always wanted and you're you're putting
123
that work in you're putting that effort in
124
and it just makes it obvious where you don't want to be anymore it's sad
125
and it's maybe you always felt comfortable and familiar in certain environments
126
and now this change that you are bringing upon yourself
127
because ultimately you are desiring change and you do want change
128
and you do want to feel positively about yourself it's sad sometimes to realize what we were accepting
129
and what we were living in and why maybe we were feeling the ways that we were feeling about ourselves, our lives, based on our environment and what we're outgrowing.
130
I've said this before, but when a way of existing is no longer serving us, we feel stuck.
131
We feel like we're going in circles, coming to the same conclusions, and always ending up back where we started.
132
And sometimes it's easier to just accept that reality instead of creating a new one.
133
And that's what I'm talking about is how isolating sometimes creating a new one feels.
134
And maybe that is why we push it off.
135
At least I know for myself, I've become aware of how I've consciously kept myself stuck
136
because I am so afraid of loss that comes with change
137
and the idea of sacrifice around change and the idea of change being isolating.
138
That's why I've avoided it and been scared of it for
139
so long and would have rather kept myself in the same cycle of sadness over
140
and over and over again instead of making a change
141
because it felt as though I was going to have to let go of something familiar
142
and that I was going to have to sacrifice the way that I had been living.
143
And that is true, but it doesn't have to feel scary
144
and that's my hope of making this video is that
145
if I had somebody 10 years ago telling me hey you know okay you want this thing
146
and sometimes it's not always going to feel amazing
147
and sometimes we are going to have to be alone
148
or it's going to be scary or we're going to have to give this up
149
or give that up or we're going to have to put ourselves through change
150
and it's okay and everyone's doing it and it's uncomfortable don't be scared of that if I had somebody telling me that,
151
I feel like I'd probably be at a very different point in my life right now, but that's okay.
152
I'm okay with learning these lessons and being where I am, but I hope to be that reassurance for you guys and myself.
153
Sometimes it's easier to just keep ourselves stuck in the same cycle instead of creating a new way of life.
154
What if we could become the thing that we are chasing
155
and create an abundance of whatever we are chasing
156
or whatever we're claiming that we lack in this life and that we need somebody else to give us.
157
I'd like to take a quick break to thank the sponsor of today's video, Skillshare.
158
Teaching yourself skills is so vital in this day and age
159
when we're trying to learn to cater to our creativity and to really hone in on our skills and our talents.
160
Skillshare is the largest online community for creatives with thousands of classes led by industry experts across film,
161
illustration, design, freelance, productivity, and so much more.
162
I've told you guys before that Skillshare has helped me take my flower arranging to the next level,
163
and now I am finding myself using Skillshare to improve my calligraphy skills.
164
And during this Valentine's Day season, I want to write little notes to my friends, to my family, to those who I love, and to myself.
165
I find myself wanting to write my affirmations down, hang them up on my wall, and make it look pretty.
166
With something like Skillshare, we have the freedom to look into whatever it is that we might want to learn more of, and it's just such a great use of time.
167
And the first 500 people to use my link in the description will receive a one-month free trial of Skillshare.
168
Get started on Skillshare.
169
I promise you it is the perfect place to start.
170
There is such a vast library of so many different classes, courses.
171
I will be using Skillshare to continue to better my flower arranging, to learn more about calligraphy, and whatever else I want to learn this year.
172
A big thank you to Skillshare for sponsoring today's video.
173
The first thing that I want to discuss is what does loving yourself even mean?
174
I feel like I touched on this a little bit, but this idea of sort of this ooey gooey positive self-love like
175
that is amazing and incredible and if that makes you feel happy
176
and excited to love yourself then that is the way we should approach it
177
but for me that sentiment has always turned me off of loving myself
178
because i have felt as though i've needed to feel good about myself like i know that's the goal
179
but for so long i was like what if
180
if you don't love yourself enough to go take a nice pampering bath and do your toast, like what if you can't bring yourself to that point?
181
What if you don't even like spending time with yourself in that way, or you don't see yourself in that regard that you wanna pamper yourself?
182
There's so much that comes before that.
183
There is a foundation of respect we need to have for ourselves
184
and our lives and our future if we want to have those fun moments of self-care.
185
And so this idea of self-love, but I feel like sometimes it's a bit premature.
186
There is some stuff that kind of has to come before that.
187
I feel like it's not until you sort of stick it through with yourself, through ugly, dark, inconsistent times,
188
that you actually begin to learn what the whole of loving yourself even means.
189
And the beautiful thing about all this is loving yourself means so many things because there are so many of us.
190
How many cultures, traumas, successes, sacrifices, and stories make up all of us and all of our lives?
191
Loving ourselves means something different for every single person because we come from something different.
192
We are different.
193
We have different things that make us up
194
and make us who we are and different things to discover that will make us the best version of ourselves.
195
It doesn't look the same for anybody.
196
We all have unique setbacks and advantages that we don't necessarily get to choose,
197
but we do get to choose what we do with them.
198
When it comes to self-love, honesty is holding integrity to yourself, to who you are, to what you love.
199
If you were never encouraged to figure that out or you don't know what that is,
200
being honest about that, being honest about what you want, where you're at.
201
And being honest with ourselves is not always easy because it means uncovering painful truths that are there.
202
Sometimes being honest with ourselves means asking ourselves the questions that maybe we never even wanted answers to in the first place.
203
Maybe we didn't want to even ask ourselves these questions
204
or think about these things or think about why we don't love ourselves or what makes us not respect ourselves.
205
A lot of the time that just stays unanswered because it is a little too painful to answer sometimes.
206
Loving ourselves means accepting what we discover through that honesty, no matter how unpleasant.
207
Like I said, we have a whole video on acceptance that you guys can dive into.
208
I'll link it below, but I did wanna touch on it because it definitely plays into honesty.
209
We will never be perfect and learning to become okay with that, I feel like is the closest to some sort of perfect that we can ever achieve.
210
And that is when I have felt the most at peace,
211
is when I realized that I can accept all parts of myself and that is the true definition of loving myself.
212
It's not changing myself so that I can become a version that I imagine in my head.
213
We can change as much as we want
214
and we will change in this life
215
and we can change things on the outside and the inside whatever
216
but if we're not coming from a place of love
217
and respect for ourselves as a whole and understanding
218
that yeah these things can exist that's why i'm moving towards
219
this sense of change i can accept these parts of me
220
that maybe i don't like so much and maybe
221
that i do want to change but i can accept them for what they are
222
and i can love them for what they are
223
and i can recognize where they come from and i can embody
224
and own these things as i move on a path towards change
225
and betterment that is what i am trying to preach
226
because anytime that i have tried to move towards change out of hatred for myself
227
or out of spite that only creates so much fuel for
228
so long you can only run on self-hatred until
229
that starts to seep into the changes that you are trying to make in the first place.
230
Like, it wasn't until I was honest with myself and started to accept the things that I was finding, even if it was ugly and not so pleasant
231
and didn't look like this glamorized version of myself that I wanted to love, learning to be honest about all those parts
232
and accept those parts was what actually brought me to a state of respect and love as a whole for myself.
233
You know, Anais Nin has a quote that I love where she says something like, and the day came
234
when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
235
That's the quote that inspired this self-love bouquet.
236
It smells so good.
237
I had to be honest about my insecurities and accept how they made me feel, accept where they might have come from,
238
and be okay with the fact that they've existed in my life forever
239
and be okay with the fact that they were going to change now
240
and that I was going to go on a journey of change and sacrifice.
241
That's why I'm saying it's so important to develop this acceptance
242
because that is what's going to ground us through the process of change and loving ourselves.
243
I had to be honest about my insecurities, accept how they were making me feel, where I learned them, and how I was perpetuating them in my own life.
244
Sometimes we don't wanna see that stuff and we keep ourselves blind to it, but being real about how are we perpetuating this?
245
How are we keeping this going?
246
Who am I allowing in my life?
247
What stories am I allowing?
248
What is going down here?
249
Until I was honest with myself about that, I couldn't come to that place of acceptance fully.
250
No matter how long that took me or no matter how long it is taking me, All of this is an ongoing journey and process,
251
like accepting these things and inquiring to ourselves and making change.
252
All of this, it can take a while sometimes to come to terms with these things.
253
It's all up to us how fast we're able to accept what we must accept
254
and how fast we really want to make change in our lives.
255
But for me, it has taken years
256
and years to just come to certain conclusions and be okay with those conclusions and be okay with moving forward.
257
Accepting the truth of what we discover, no matter how long it takes, no matter how long it is taking us,
258
is how we get to know ourselves as a whole.
259
How can you love something you don't even know and accept?
260
Like I said, that's why I'm really trying to emphasize this holistic journey of loving ourselves.
261
It's not always pretty.
262
And once I finally got to know myself through accepting these truths as a wide whole, that was when I was able to see what I really needed,
263
what type of love I was really lacking and where I could find that.
264
Usually we try to dilute, disguise, numb or fix the things about ourselves that we're not truly willing to accept,
265
but it isn't until we can find that acceptance for ourselves that we can actually transmute our feelings of fear,
266
dissatisfaction or shame into that true love we are desiring.
267
It sounds daunting, but the love that I am discussing here is the true, unconditional,
268
unwavering type of respect and love for ourselves
269
that is only learned through the excavation of what is keeping us from that state in the first place.
270
Acceptance versus complacency.
271
I would like to be clear.
272
When we are honest about ourselves, our lives, what we don't like about ourselves, it does not mean that we have to stay stuck in that.
273
I feel like a lot of the time we think
274
that accepting things means that we just have to accept them and that is the way that they are,
275
but no. Acceptance is our catalyst for change.
276
If anything, if we don't accept these truths as they are, they become harder to change
277
and it becomes more difficult to ever transmute those types of feelings
278
if we're not honoring them and accepting them for what they are.
279
Just because there is part of yourself
280
that you really have shame about does not mean that you have to stay stuck in that.
281
You get to choose and you can come to terms with these things.
282
Even if it takes a long time and it is not pleasant, you can see them for what they are
283
and learn to be the change that you want to see
284
and learn what that change even looks like for you
285
or what it even is based on accepting what you are struggling with
286
or what is there will help you realize what change needs to be made, where to even begin.
287
We get to learn to be that change that we want to see
288
and we get to learn to be that thing
289
that we are craving for or that we're searching for or longing for or we're taught that we didn't deserve.
290
The parent you wish you had, the friends that you wish you had, the partner that you're begging God for, learn to be those things that you're searching for.
291
Will all those come in different relationships?
292
Yes, but only if we can cultivate a sense of it on our own to know what that looks like, feels like, to know what we want and to have that love within ourselves.
293
If we're not familiar with that, we can't accept that from the world around us or even if we do get it, it's not going to be enough.
294
We need to form that foundation of familiarity when it comes to love and respect that we're searching for.
295
Sometimes we're constantly searching for something because we're okay with perpetuating the lack of not having it,
296
of living in the same way that we did yesterday, or ignoring our heart's truest desires,
297
swallowing our self-respect down over and over and over again, or settling for less.
298
There are things that we are okay with doing, but we're not okay with the outcome.
299
It really goes back to what I was saying before.
300
People say you have to love yourself enough to make these changes or to do these things, but what if you're not even there yet?
301
We have to form that foundation of self-love sometimes in order to make the changes
302
or go through the things that we want to in life.
303
There have been some very scary decisions that I have not wanted to make for a long time.
304
Even getting back into YouTube was one of them.
305
Things that I did not want to do because I was scared and I admitted to myself,
306
I don't think that I love myself enough yet or I don't think I have enough confidence in myself.
307
I don't think I respect myself enough yet to make this decision and that's okay.
308
That's why I'm saying let's be honest with where we're at
309
because a few years ago I remember really having
310
that thought in my mind like I don't respect myself enough yet to make this decision.
311
What could I do to form that self-respect so that I could make those difficult decisions.
312
That's why this awareness and this honesty with ourselves is
313
so important because it gives us what we need in order to move forward.
314
If we know that we don't even respect ourselves or love ourselves enough to do what is right, how can we start to gain and cultivate that love
315
and respect for ourselves and bring more of that into our lives
316
so that we can make those difficult decisions
317
or we can continue to step out of our comfort zones and know that we have something to come back to.
318
When we don't have that foundation of respect and love for ourselves, we are okay with keeping ourselves in a cycle where we're perpetuating the things that we don't want,
319
where we're perpetuating the lack of love or respect.
320
Acceptance towards where we're at can be painful, but it grants us that awareness.
321
And awareness is a tool that not all of us use in this life because like acceptance, it means coming to terms with the unpleasant sometimes.
322
Always take my advice with a grain of salt what resonates with you
323
because I have friends that struggle with OCD and sometimes being so aware of how you're always feeling, like sometimes that can create a bit of a mess
324
and I've noticed that going on this journey of healing and self-love and being aware of myself, it really, really hurts sometimes.
325
It hurts to be aware of your behaviors in the midst of being around others
326
that are not being aware of theirs and being around destructive forces
327
and people and behaviors that you're trying to heal yourself from.
328
It's not easy sometimes to hold that awareness.
329
A lot of the time, ignorance is bliss.
330
That's why that saying exists.
331
We don't want to be aware of what is hurting us
332
or what is holding us back or how we feel in certain environments
333
because that means that change is on the horizon and necessary But like I'm saying, even in the midst of change and that discomfort,
334
if we have something to ground ourselves in and anchor ourselves in, we will be okay.
335
Even when you're holding awareness and you don't like what you're seeing, you don't like what you're being aware of, whether that's within you, within others.
336
I understand it's difficult sometimes to hold that awareness and to keep holding it.
337
I promise you, even if it is making you a little miserable right now,
338
if you're holding that awareness with the intention of love and respect and betterment for yourself, for your life, it is worth it.
339
I talk a lot in my poetry about how clinging to
340
my awareness sometimes feels as though it's ripping me like straight through the night
341
or it's ripping me through a million different realizations and feelings and lessons holding onto my awareness, but it's worth it because it's taking me through it.
342
Even if it's painful, having that awareness, I get to learn what I need to learn
343
and I get to see what I need to see
344
and it helps me form a different perspective that I need if I want to change my life.
345
Now I wanna chat with you guys about raising the child in me.
346
There is a song that many of you probably know, Mythological Beauty by Big Thief.
347
I recommend that whole album, incredible lyricism.
348
But in Mythological Beauty, she says, there is a child inside you who is trying to raise a child in me.
349
And the reason that
350
Lyric came to my mind when I was writing all of this is because that is inevitably what happens,
351
no matter how much healing and loving ourselves and everything, when we are intermeshing our brains and bodies and hearts with somebody else,
352
their inner child is also interacting with ours, and sometimes if we are not taking care of ourselves, we want that care from somebody else,
353
but maybe they're also trying to take care of their inner child, so then it's like two children almost trying to take care of each other in a relationship.
354
That's something that I have experienced.
355
That's something that I think many people go through is like sometimes there are these unhealed parts of ourselves
356
that need to be taken care of and we're begging for
357
that from somebody else who's trying to do the same thing for themselves or maybe hasn't done the same thing for themselves.
358
If your inner child didn't get that care that it needed or it needs more, you're learning how to love yourself in those ways.
359
That's not always something that we learn to do
360
when we're like teenagers or when we're young and when we are forming those early relationships, whether they be friendships, romantic, anything.
361
And I think a lot of the time we believe
362
that we can get these things from others and that we can get these things from relationships and from people.
363
And like I said, of course that exists and can add on to our experience of self-love,
364
but trying to source from others the foundation of what we
365
need is ultimately always gonna leave us in a state of lack.
366
I don't wanna lose you when I start talking about inner child
367
and all that stuff because I know that a lot of people, you know, don't really think about that.
368
And it can all kind of sound a bit metaphysical because when you're thinking about your inner child, you're having to kind of imagine a smaller version of yourselves.
369
If that's something that's difficult for you or you don't really resonate or connect with that idea, don't think about it as like just little version of you.
370
If that helps you envision it then that's great, but think about how you actually feel and what is actually existing in your body right now.
371
I can promise you a lot of that is leftover stored feelings from the past.
372
And that's kind of what I'm trying to reference here is like our inner child is the part of ourselves
373
that was formed early on that maybe needs more right now,
374
or is maybe the reason that we're finding ourselves in a state of dissatisfaction or we feel hurt or bitter or negative.
375
It could be that it's that more early formation in ourselves needs something
376
and we need to listen to it and that's what i'm referencing here
377
and it has been such a vital important part of my self-love journey
378
that i was honestly kind of late to discovering
379
because i didn't know i didn't know that there was part of me
380
that didn't get what it needed
381
and was desiring certain things it takes a lot of honesty
382
and acceptance to get to that point realizing
383
that there was still a child in me that needed care
384
and I wanted so badly for somebody else to take care of it, but I had to learn how to do that.
385
And if we weren't familiar with a sense of protection and compassion growing up, it is really hard to exist self-sufficiently.
386
It's not really easy to feel as though we can be independent and just,
387
yeah, take relationships as the cherry on top and not need those things because protection and compassion
388
make up a lot of feeling safe and secure within ourselves.
389
Traditionally, we are kind of meant to have that protection and
390
that security from a father figure and to have that compassion and nurturing from a mother figure.
391
And that looks different for literally every single person, what we were given, what we weren't.
392
And even if we did have equal amounts of that, maybe we didn't necessarily learn how to apply that to ourselves
393
and integrate that into how we feel in our own bodies and our minds.
394
And it's up to us to either pull from those examples
395
that we saw and bring them in or to cultivate and find them on our own, which is a very daunting journey.
396
And if you're on that journey, you're not alone.
397
It's very normal to want to find that sense of security
398
and safety and compassion and grounding in the world around us
399
and in other people that is a survival tactic that we have.
400
Sometimes we believe that it will be provided solely through a romantic relationship or through intimacy or authority or friendship,
401
community, and like I said, it can come in all of these forms.
402
We can receive healthy forms of protection and compassion in all of these ways,
403
but I've noticed that we come across those healthy forms a lot more
404
and resonate with them differently
405
when we are already familiar with these basic pillars of love for ourself
406
if that child in us wasn't shown love in the way
407
that we're searching for how can we show it that now
408
and has anybody ever said
409
that it's easy to raise a child absolutely not nobody has ever said
410
that so sometimes listening to that inner child and trying to figure
411
that out through help through therapy through meditation through listening through
412
journaling through asking ourselves questions it's not easy sometimes we're gonna
413
get a lot of different answers sometimes we're gonna get answers
414
we don't like sometimes we're gonna come to some painful conclusions
415
or it's gonna take a while but how can we remind
416
that version of us who needed that compassion that love
417
that stability that we are here to provide it that
418
and we're here to learn what it needs and
419
that sort of of leads me into loving others and the misconception of self-love versus loving others.
420
You hear it all the time.
421
You can't love someone else unless you love yourself.
422
What really bothers me is I feel like self-love is just this like repetitive thrown out term
423
that is often seen as something sort of self-indulgent or self-obsessed.
424
And I think the word selfish has such a negative connotation
425
because we've attached this meaning that you can't give to others while also giving to yourself.
426
It seemed to just be very either or, but it really bothers me because isn't it self-indulgent to give
427
and give to others and then not give anything to yourself
428
and then expect others to provide that for you
429
and then resent them for not giving it to you and then stay in a self-perpetuated cycle of dissatisfaction,
430
like that is what seems sort of selfish and negative to me, is giving and giving and giving,
431
having nothing left, and then demanding and expecting it from things outside of us.
432
Giving back to ourselves, however that may look for each of us, we are gaining more of ourselves to be able to give to others.
433
It is negative to not be giving ourselves those forms of compassion and care because then we have less to offer others.
434
By giving back to ourselves, however that might look for each of us, like I said, it's different for all of us, but by going on that journey of listening to ourselves,
435
being honest with ourselves, just having that intention of love and respect for ourselves,
436
we are gaining more of ourselves to be able to give to others and to be able to share with others.
437
And if we just have a constant flow of that, then we don't have to worry about not being able to give to others.
438
If anything, it is more and more abundance if we are able to give that to ourselves.
439
If we are empty, I could not sit here right now
440
and vocalize these vulnerable thoughts and emotions with the intention to try
441
and help someone else if I did not give myself the care necessary to process them.
442
If I was not doubling down in my self-love and respect and care and tuning into what I need,
443
I couldn't sit here and share myself because there wouldn't be anything to give.
444
Hi guys, the second half of my video,
445
I was getting into some topics that I'm very passionate about and that are really important to the topic of loving yourself,
446
but this character right here, he decided to put his face right up in my tripod
447
and then knock it over to where the camera fell on the ground.
448
The screen flipped backwards
449
and the file of me speaking throughout the rest of the
450
video got corrupted in the accident of the camera falling to the ground so haphazardly.
451
So I spent all day trying to recover this corrupted file so we could have the second half of the video done,
452
but alas, nothing worked.
453
I ran it through multiple softwares, I did everything I could in my own knowledge,
454
newfound knowledge and power to try to recover it, and I couldn't.
455
And it makes me so mad and sad because I really enjoyed the second half of what I was saying,
456
but I think I'm just taking it as a sign to continue this conversation in another way.
457
There's still a lot that I have left to say about loving yourself,
458
and I do not want to cut this conversation short because I think so much goes into this, and it is a very complex topic.
459
I have a lot to say, and I would love to continue the conversation with you guys.
460
I would like to talk about it, I would like to answer your questions and have a real discussion instead of just me speaking.
461
I am going to discuss the topics that I was talking about in the video that we no longer have access to, plus more, and chat with you guys,
462
answer questions about this topic on the Patreon.
463
This is not a ploy to try to get you to join the Patreon.
464
This is me genuinely wanting to continue this conversation, but thinking maybe I could take this opportunity to do something a bit more interactive with you guys.
465
So I'm going to be hosting a live discussion on this topic
466
and I am going to talk about the things
467
that were supposed to be in the video but are not anymore because of this corrupted file.
468
So I'm going to be talking about those topics
469
and I am going to be answering your questions around this
470
and I just think it's a good time to talk about self-love
471
and what we can do to really ground ourselves in our confidence and that foundation of support for ourselves.
472
Especially right now in this state of the world, it's more important than ever to feel peaceful
473
and happy within our own presence and it's something
474
that has taken me a long time to learn how to do
475
and it's something I'm obviously very passionate about as you can see from what we've already discussed.
476
So I would love to continue this conversation with you.
477
On this date, at this time i will be hosting a live discussion to
478
finish this conversation as it was meant to be finished before
479
this little monster ruined it for us just kidding he he
480
gave us a different plan he gave us a bit of
481
a different structure to have this conversation i guess we've made amends i was really mad at him for a
482
while when i was trying to recover the file
483
but maybe maybe he is trying to get this patreon up
484
and moving so i would love if you guys could join me there
485
and i'm very very excited to talk to you in real
486
life i want to do this with multiple topics this one is starting us out
487
so i can't wait to see you at this day at this time on the patreon
488
and if you want any more details follow me on instagram i'll be reminding you
489
and keeping you updated on the discussion and i'm so happy
490
that we had part of this chat
491
and also thank you for joining me in making this arrangement i hope
492
that you are having a wonderful valentine's day with yourself with
493
your friends with your cats hopefully they're not knocking your camera over um with whoever it is
494
that you love and yourself i hope
495
that you're having a loving day for yourself
496
and i cannot wait to talk to you very very soon thank you guys love you
497
The End
📺 उसी चैनल से
B21
take your power back
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
turn jealousy into inspiration
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B11
renewed by the desert
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B22
i’m afraid of my full potential
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B28
the art of acceptance
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B12
live the life you desire
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
when did you stop dreaming
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
confidence is uncomfortable
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B28
you have time
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
✨ अनुशंसित वीडियो
B2238 वाक्य
Why Strong People Learn to Be Alone 💪🧠| English Listening Practice| Learn English Through Psychology
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
423 वाक्य
Romanticize your life
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
409 वाक्य
You don’t like yourself? Create a new version of yourself
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2339 वाक्य
mastering self concept: you don't get what you want. you get who you are.
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B11
388 वाक्य
Learning to take care of myself & not be so consumed by others or things that are out of my control
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
31 वाक्य
How to Love without fear
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2136 वाक्य
Are you making yourself miserable?
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B11
9 वाक्य
Healing after a breakup 💔 Embracing growth & moving on. #breakup #heartbroken #embrace #growth #grow
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
467 वाक्य
Learn to Love Yourself More Than Others | English Podcast for Learning English
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B1156 वाक्य
Things nobody told me before I turned 27
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B25
120 वाक्य
To Anyone Feeling Lonely
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
46 वाक्य
LinkedIn ruined my mental health, so I decided to take a break
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
इस पाठ की शब्दावली और बोलने के सुझाव
यह B2 स्तर का स्पीकिंग पाठ वीडियो “loving yourself is lonely” पर आधारित है। इस वीडियो में शैडोइंग के लिए 497 वाक्य और 7417 शब्द हैं। बोला गया हिस्सा 42:50 लंबा है। वक्ता लगभग 173 शब्द प्रति मिनट की स्वाभाविक गति से बोलता है, जो रोज़मर्रा की बातचीत के करीब है। 88% शब्द अंग्रेज़ी के 3,000 सबसे आम शब्दों में से हैं, इसलिए शब्दावली आसान है।
इस वीडियो की मुख्य शब्दावली
वीडियो के 15 सबसे कठिन शब्द, उच्चारण और अर्थ के साथ:
| शब्द | उच्चारण | अर्थ |
|---|---|---|
| acceptance संज्ञा | /əkˈsɛp.təns/ | स्वीकारना, स्वीकृति |
| compassion संज्ञा | /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/ | दया, करुणा |
| honesty संज्ञा | /ˈɑ.nɪ.sti/ | सच्चाई |
| insecurity संज्ञा | असुरक्षा | |
| unpleasant विशेषण | /ʌnˈplɛzn̩t/ | अप्रिय |
| mindset संज्ञा | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | मानसिकता |
| passionate विशेषण | /ˈpæʃənɪt/ | वासनात्मक, कामवान |
| corrupt विशेषण | /kəˈɹʌpt/ | बेईमान, भ्रष्ट |
| uncomfortable विशेषण | /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ | असहज |
| calligraphy संज्ञा | /kəˈlɪɡɹəfi/ | सुलेख |
| loneliness संज्ञा | /ˈloʊnlinəs/ | अकेलापन, तनहाई |
| insecure विशेषण | /ɪnsəˈkjʊɹ/ | असुरक्षित |
| abundance संज्ञा | /əˈbʌn.dn̩s/ | प्रचुरता, अधिकता |
| weigh क्रिया | /weɪ/ | तौलना, जोखना |
| arrange क्रिया | /əˈɹeɪnd͡ʒ/ | व्यवस्था करना |
वीडियो में आने वाली फ़्रेज़ल वर्ब
| शब्द | अर्थ |
|---|---|
| come along क्रिया | साथ चलना, साथ आना |
दोहराने लायक वाक्य
वीडियो के छोटे, पूरे वाक्य जिन्हें आप रोज़ की बातचीत में इस्तेमाल कर सकते हैं:
- Who is coming along with us?
- Who's going to make the change with us?
- How are we keeping this going?
- Who am I allowing in my life?
- What stories am I allowing?
इस वीडियो का व्याकरण
वक्ता जिन संरचनाओं का सबसे अधिक प्रयोग करता है, वीडियो के असली शब्दों के साथ:
| संरचना | वीडियो में |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — बीता हुआ काम जिसका असर अभी भी है | have ever been treated · has ever treated · i've reached |
| Passive voice be + past participle — ज़ोर इस पर कि क्या होता है, न कि कौन करता है | been treated · been done · weren't shown |
| Relative clauses who / which + उपवाक्य — व्यक्ति या वस्तु के बारे में अतिरिक्त जानकारी | those who I · own, which is |
ध्यान देने योग्य उच्चारण
वक्ता 183 बार संक्षिप्त रूपों का प्रयोग करता है, जैसे we're, don't, I'm। इन्हें वैसे ही छोटा बोलें जैसा आप सुनते हैं।
- “sh” और “zh” की ध्वनियाँ: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, dissatisfaction /dɪsˌsætɪsˈfækʃən/, passionate /ˈpæʃənɪt/, envision /ɪnˈvɪʒn̩/
- लंबे शब्द — बलाघात सही रखें: realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, perpetuate /pɚˈpɛt͡ʃəˌweɪt/, dissatisfaction /dɪsˌsætɪsˈfækʃən/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, calligraphy /kəˈlɪɡɹəfi/
हिंदी भाषियों के लिए मुश्किल ध्वनियाँ:
- /v/ और /w/ का फ़र्क़ — /v/ में ऊपर के दाँत निचले होंठ को छूते हैं, /w/ में होंठ गोल होते हैं: perpetuate /pɚˈpɛt͡ʃəˌweɪt/, cultivate /ˈkʌltɪveɪt/, envision /ɪnˈvɪʒn̩/, negativity /ˌnɛɡ.əˈtɪ.vɪ.ti/, repetitive /ɹɪˈpɛtɪtɪv/
- /z/ — इसे “ज” (/dʒ/) न बनाएँ: realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/, unpleasant /ʌnˈplɛzn̩t/, resonate /ˈɹɛz.əˌneɪt/, transmute /tɹænzˈmjuːt/, confuse /kənˈfjuːz/
- शब्द की शुरुआत में s + व्यंजन — पहले “इ” न जोड़ें: sponsor /ˈspɒn.səː/, spite /spaɪt/
इस वीडियो से अभ्यास कैसे करें
- पहले बिना बोले पूरा वीडियो एक बार सुनें और जो शब्द नहीं आते उन्हें लिख लें।
- 0.75× गति से शुरू करें, एक-एक वाक्य की शैडोइंग करें, और सहज लगने पर सामान्य गति पर लौटें।
- अपनी आवाज़ रिकॉर्ड करें और मूल से तुलना करें, ख़ासकर acceptance, compassion, honesty जैसे शब्दों पर ध्यान दें।
शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?
शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।