शैडोइंग अभ्यास: “You Attract People Based on Psychological Wounds!” | Dr. Tara Swart - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

You meet people on the same level of psychological wound as you.

⏸ रुका हुआ

गति:

257 वाक्य

यदि वाक्य बहुत छोटे या लंबे हों, तो समायोजित करने के लिए Edit पर क्लिक करें।

You meet people on the same level of psychological wound as you.

Oh, man.

You also leave people where if you evolve out of that and they haven't been able to.

Wow.

Which I think goes back to one of the pieces of content I heard you talk about,

which is like the sense of smell connecting to someone's stress levels or anxiety levels.

Like, you'll kind of attract a similar nervous system or I guess a certain similar like,

I don't know, stress level?

Yeah, it's not smell.

It's sensing, not through smell,

the level of the stress hormone, yeah.

Interesting.

But that's short-term, right?

But the inner child and shadow stuff is longer-term.

Gosh, that's fascinating.

Yeah.

So you think we attract people based on our psychological wounds?

100%.

Wow.

And as we start to heal and grow,

if the other person's not healing and growing,

we kind of pull away.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

That's interesting.

Oh, I can see the cogs moving in your brain.

I just think it's fascinating.

Yeah.

Speaking, I guess, about relationships and men and women,

with all of your expertise on the brain,

is the process of manifesting love and falling in love different from men versus women?

I think if it's love you're really looking for, then it's not different.

Not lust.

Yeah, exactly.

The issue is what you're actually looking for.

So you think men and women manifest love the same way, similar ways?

Yeah, I think if you want that sense of partnership and friendship and intimacy,

and you want to be loyal and you want it to be for the long term,

then it doesn't matter what gender you are.

But if the disconnect is often,

and this is a bit of a stereotype,

but usually it's more that men,

sorry, that women want a loving,

stable relationship and men perhaps don't want that as much.

Want sex or whatever, yeah.

Or just don't want it right now,

but go through periods where that's what they want and go through periods where that's not what they want,

which I guess could be true of any gender as well.

But overall, more likely women will want to be in a monogamous relationship.

Why is that based on kind of the brain science?

So it comes from evolution.

So when we lived in the cave,

women did need men to protect them from predators and to hunt for food.

So women can...

Especially if they're pregnant too,

and they weren't able to go out and hunt or gather or whatever it might be.

I mean, they generally didn't hunt as much, so they gathered more.

But then it's hard to get protein from what you gather rather than what you hunt.

So for survival...

And, you know, they use the fat and the skins and everything.

So it wasn't just food, it was shelter and...

Yes.

...fire and, you know, all of that kind of stuff.

So, although we don't necessarily need a man for those physical things now,

it's a very strong survival wiring in the brain.

And so what we have,

you know, in the cave, we lived nomadically.

So often the men would go and hunt and be away for a very long time.

Or if they went far enough and they found a cave of the same tribe,

they would just stay there and not go back.

Why risk your life to travel back for, you know, six weeks?

Right.

But over time, a lot of societies in the modern world have asked people to live in unit families.

And so we have seen men's brains be rewired.

Really?

Yeah.

Quite recent, relatively recently, like maybe in the last ten years,

researchers showed that when you become a dad for the first time,

oxytocin rewires your brain so that you're more into bonding and less into the testosterone competitive stuff.

Because if you think about it,

lions and tigers, they'll eat their own children.

You have to tame that in some ways, right?

But how do you tame it,

but also harness it in other ways?

You know what I mean?

It's like a dance of having drive and testosterone.

I never want to lose that drive, right?

I get this question all the time.

But I also want to be a great loving parent

and partner and all these things and not let testosterone drive me and doing damaging things.

Yeah.

You know, so.

Well, so from about the age of 35,

your testosterone will have started dropping significantly already.

Not mine.

Let's go.

One's testosterone tends to drop from that age.

So when you do become a dad.

It drops after you become a dad.

100

For the first time.

101

Oxytocin goes up, testosterone drops you become much more about,

102

like, cuddling and bonding and wanting to stay in the home and look after the...

103

Interesting.

104

...mom and the baby.

105

Less about, like, lifting and, like, hunting, right?

106

Yeah.

107

Interesting.

108

If you keep lifting, then you would actually,

109

like, keep your testosterone levels higher.

110

Also, if the baby sleeps in the same room as you,

111

then your testosterone levels drop even more.

112

Come on.

113

So, you might want to move out for three months to a different bedroom.

114

Yeah.

115

I've already told her, I'm getting my sleep,

116

you know, the first few months.

117

So, your testosterone drops?

118

If you sleep in the same room as the baby.

119

Why is that?

120

Because you're, because the oxytocin's becoming like,

121

you know, higher and higher,

122

because you've got this cute little warm thing that smells so nice,

123

and it's so like, vulnerable and dependent on you,

124

and it's like, in the room with you,

125

the whole eight hours, you know, of just oxytocin boost.

126

But are women attracted to men with less testosterone?

127

Um, they are when they're not fertile,

128

but they are not when they are at peak fertility.

129

Really?

130

So mid-cycle, when you're ovulating,

131

you're gonna want a bad boy,

132

and the rest of the time,

133

you're gonna want a nice man that will stay at home and help you look after the baby.

134

So, if you're not a bad boy when you're at peak fertility as a woman,

135

is that gonna hurt the relationship if you don't give women what they want?

136

Hang on, say that again.

137

What?

138

So, if a man is not a...

139

Not a bad boy.

140

Not a bad boy when a woman is at peak fertility,

141

and the man just wants to cuddle and chill

142

and not be driven by testosterone and give the woman that testosterone feeling Yeah.

143

Will that ultimately hurt the relationship long-term if the woman doesn't get what she wants sexually?

144

I mean, I think if she's chosen him by then,

145

so this is more about when you're,

146

like, in the choosing phase.

147

Uh-huh.

148

Once you've settled down with someone,

149

then you have, like, a logical conversation about,

150

are we trying for a baby or not, right?

151

But logic and emotion are two different things.

152

No, I mean, this is...

153

In relationships, you know?

154

You might logically say, okay,

155

I'm safe, but emotionally you want something else.

156

This is a reason that people cheat.

157

Right, because they're not getting what they want sexually.

158

Yeah.

159

And so it's like, how do you suppress the thing you want sexually to be like,

160

oh, but he's such a good guy or he's this,

161

but if he's not giving me what I want,

162

then I'm going to go find it from this other younger testosterone-driven man, right?

163

You're getting really jealous here.

164

I'm not getting jealous.

165

This fantasy younger high testosterone man.

166

Well, I'm just thinking, is this what women deal with?

167

I know.

168

Is this what women deal with?

169

Yeah, to some, you know,

170

more consciously or less consciously, depending on the woman.

171

Yeah, yeah.

172

It's interesting, right?

173

So let me kind of explain the physiology behind it from the research that we know the best,

174

which is in prairie voles.

175

So there are two types of voles in America, marsh or mountain voles.

176

Voles?

177

What's a vole?

178

Vole.

179

It's a little rat-like creature.

180

Prairie dogs?

181

No. Not prairie dogs.

182

It's a vole.

183

It's more like a mouse or a rat.

184

Okay, cool.

185

The ones that live in the marsh or the mountain,

186

they have plenty of food and plenty of shelter, and they're super promiscuous.

187

The ones that moved to the prairie,

188

where there's like scarce food and shelter,

189

they snuggle in and settle down and become monogamous for life.

190

The same rat, the same mouse,

191

but just living in different areas.

192

Yeah.

193

Come on.

194

So wait, you're telling me rats are monogamous?

195

These voles.

196

These voles are monogamous.

197

The voles are monogamous.

198

If they live in the prairie.

199

If they live in the prairie,

200

but not if they live in the mar.

201

But if they have all the food and abundance, they're just...

202

And lots of female voles that they can go and visit.

203

They're just little polyamorous voles.

204

Yeah, because they know that if they get one vole pregnant and she's left on her own to look after her young,

205

they're going to survive because they're well sheltered.

206

There's plenty of food for her to nip out and bring it back to the babies.

207

Yeah.

208

But in the prairie, if he was promiscuous,

209

then the chances of his offspring dying are quite high because she can't defend the nest herself.

210

She can't find enough food for herself and them without help.

211

And so let's extrapolate this.

212

How does this help humans?

213

Right.

214

Okay.

215

Well, first off, which mice are happier?

216

The ones that are more promiscuous or the ones

217

that couple i think it depends on the on the bowl

218

so you think the female mice are happy

219

if they just you know are pregnant

220

but then their partner just leaves they're not happy no how do we know can we test

221

that okay so how do we apply this to our lives there is an answer to

222

that okay we test it through um levels of oxytocin

223

and vasopressin come on have we done this have people done this Yes!

224

No way.

225

From these mice?

226

Yeah.

227

Wow, that's crazy.

228

And actually, just to be serious,

229

the research has done more to help with loneliness,

230

grief, and heartbreak, but obviously it's got implications for dating.

231

Wow.

232

So, because one of the things that we saw with the receptors in the brain is that,

233

like, if I'm in...

234

No, it's got to be the other way around.

235

If you're in love with me,

236

you've got more vasopressin receptors in your nucleus accumbens,

237

which is on the reward circuitry.

238

And then every time you see me, you get a reward.

239

And the longer that we've been dating and stay together and become closer,

240

that reward becomes more intense every time you see me.

241

However, if we then had a prolonged separation,

242

time can downregulate the effect of those receptors.

243

So obviously there are implications for that in a breakup or grief, right?

244

Right.

245

Um, and, but one of the things I think is like,

246

so, so important for dating is that if a woman,

247

if a couple are getting to know each other,

248

and this is all on like heterosexual couples research,

249

then as a woman is sexually interested and liking the guy and enjoying the dating,

250

her oxytocin levels is like slowly,

251

slowly starting to go up.

252

When they start actually having sex she's going to be releasing higher levels of oxytocin every time she orgasms

253

and that's going to make her bond to the guy much more if you have sex on the first date

254

the guy's vasopressin levels will plummet straight away

255

and all he'll be interested in is testosterone if you make him wait his vasopressin and oxytocin levels go up

256

and then when you do actually have sex he's already bonded so it's more likely to become of a loving relationship.

257

Wow.

TRENDING

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।

☕ हमें एक कॉफी पिलाएं

आपके समर्थन के कारण ShadowingEnglish 100% मुफ्त है। सर्वर और AI की लागत अधिक है — आपकी कॉफी हमें आगे बढ़ने में मदद करती है! 🙏

PayPal के माध्यम से दान करें

ShadowingEnglish.com – अंग्रेज़ी शैडोइंग अभ्यास

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: “You Attract People Based on Psychological Wounds!” | Dr. Tara Swart - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

लोकप्रिय

संस्‍थानिक सामग्री और पृष्ठभूमि

दैनिक संवाद के लिए शीर्ष 5 वाक्यांश

चरण-दर-चरण शैडोइंग मार्गदर्शिका

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: “You Attract People Based on Psychological Wounds!” | Dr. Tara Swart - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

ऐप डाउनलोड करें

संस्‍थानिक सामग्री और पृष्ठभूमि

दैनिक संवाद के लिए शीर्ष 5 वाक्यांश

चरण-दर-चरण शैडोइंग मार्गदर्शिका

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?